By Your Side
by Ayanna2495
Summary: Sequel of "Freedom": Lillian returned to America and to Connor, but how is her life going to develop? What does it mean to live at the side of a man whose life is anything but staid and peaceful?
1. Chapter 1

_Hey everyone :)  
_

 _Here it is, the first chapter of the "Freedom" sequel. I spent the whole day translating it because I was so excited to show it to you. But before starting, I have some important things to say:_

 _First of all, this story is originally written in German and I do the translation on my own. So I´m already sorry for every kind of mistake. You can find the link to the original version on my profile._

 _Second: for this story I do a lot of research about the historical and culture background because I want it to be as realistic as possible. Of course I am not an expert and there can be some mistakes or parts, where I used my freedom as an author. Especially the research about the mohawk culture is important to me, because it helps me a lot to keep Connor in character. At least, I hope so. ^^ So if there is anything I have to explain about the background of the story, I will put it into notes at the end of a chapter. But you are also free to ask me, if there is anything you don´t know or understand. As long as I can explain it, I will._

 ** _I do not own anything of the AC-universe!_**

 _I hope you enjoy reading. :)  
_

* * *

 **New life and new old problems**

 _April 1784_

The spring sun was shining bright and warm from the light blue sky and a light wind carried the scent of grass, flowers and the sea. It was a beautiful day and lost in thought, I paused in my work, leaned my weight on the broomstick in my hand and let my gaze roam over the homestead´s paths that led past the tavern.  
The people passing by all had a smile on their lips, greeted friendly and attended to their work, full of beans. I could hear the splashing of the river nearby, that crossed the homestead. Just as the regular sound of the lumberjacks' sawmill. Everyone was busy but it was so peaceful at the same time and again I knew exactly why I had felt comfortable and had settled in so quickly.

Three months ago, Maria and I had arrived in America and right from the beginning, it had been easy for us to feel like a part of the community. Maria had moved into a small house on the edge of the homestead and was helping out the tailor Ellen in her shop. I lived, together with Connor and the boy Caleb, in the manor but in the beginning, I´d had problems in occupying myself.  
I had taken care of the household but had noticed quickly that I hadn´t a talent for it. As the spoiled daughter of a merchant, I only knew the word "housekeeping" as giving orders to servants. I never had been forced to lift a finger and when I had helped the old Noel in his house, not so long ago, he more had been a help for me than the other way around.  
Now I was on my own and that was mainly because I had too much pride to ask for help. I expected myself, as a woman, to do the household on my own. At least Connor was busy enough and Caleb also should be able to take care of other things.

But sometime I had realized that I was untalented in being a housewife and should ask for help and so Corrine, the innkeeper of the homestead, had offered to me, that I could help out in the inn and she shared her experiences with me in return. At least it gave me the feeling that I wasn´t completely useless and furthermore I got in touch with the settlers and the sailors who were visiting the inn.  
The latter were mainly crewmembers of the Aquila, the ship under Connor´s command and they still remembered the day, when I had sneaked on board, dresses like a man. They had taken it amiss but in the meantime they seemed to have forgotten their resentment.  
They were forgetting many things when you served Ale to them.

Anyway, I really enjoyed the work in the inn, even though it was connected with sweeping the interior and the terrace in front of the entrance door, which I was doing right now.  
I disengaged from my relaxed position, readjusted the scarf on my head, that was supposed to curb my hair and took the broom.  
While I swept the dirt away, that had been brought up by the guest´s shoes, a carriage rumbled on the backyard of the inn. It was Oliver, Corrine´s husband, who had run errands in Boston with Caleb. When I raised my head shortly and looked to them, I saw the eleven-years-old blonde jumping from the load bed and eagerly helping the elderly innkeeper with unloading the boxes and barrels. He was a good boy. Always working hard and in a good mood and you could almost forget that he had lost his grandfather and with him his whole family only a few months ago.  
But he was happy to be here and I was happy that we had taken him under our wings. He was a sunshine and even though I really wouldn´t say that I had maternal feelings for him, he had grown dear to my heart. Although we hadn´t really liked each other after our first meeting. But I´d had more than one first meeting like this during the last year.

With a smirk on my lips, I put the broom aside and went back into the inn. There were only three sailors sitting in one of the corners. But it was almost lunchtime and then the people were certainly going to find their way here. A delicious smell was already flowing out the kitchen and I followed it with determination. Corrine stood behind her big stove and fried a great amount of meat in a cast-iron pan. The fat sizzled and it smelled so good that my mouth was already watering. I went and stand beside Corrine and glanced curiously into a pot in which she was boiling potatoes.  
"Is that rabbit?" I pointed at the pan and Corrine nodded.  
"These beasts are breeding quickly lately. Warren was often complaining about them gnawing at his vegetables and almost every day, Connor is bringing some, too when he comes back from the woods."  
I nodded and leaned my hip against the counter while I was watching Corrine frying the meat.  
"Can I help you somehow?"  
"You could pour off the potatoes, darling. But please take care of your fingers."  
Smirking I took a towel, wagged it in front of her nose and grabbed the heavy pot with it to carry it to the sink.

Unfortunately Corrine´s concerns weren´t unnecessary. When I had cooked with her the first time, I had courageously and thoughtlessly grabbed a hot handle, without protecting my hands. The upshot was that I had almost spilled the whole pot of hot water and had sustained blisters on both of my hands. Like I had said it: I wasn´t a talented housewife but in the meantime there was a light at the end of the tunnel.  
Without an accident, I poured off the potatoes when a blonde whirlwind stormed through the door and stopped in its frame, sniffing.  
"Is lunch ready?", Caleb asked excited and even jumped from one foot onto the other. Chuckling I put the pot aside while Corrine raised the wooden spoon and wagged it towards Caleb.  
"How often do I have to tell you, that you mustn´t run around like that? One day you will knock somebody over who´s carrying hot water." She pointed at the door. "You will get some. Sit at the bar and wait."  
The boy sulked but pushed off while I was still giggling.  
"This boy is worse than a bunch of fleas", the innkeeper mumbled and pushed the pan from the hot plate. "I really have respect for you and Connor that you are looking after him. You don´t even have own children but are already having an adolescent bundle of energy. But maybe it´s a good practice."  
She smirked and winked at me, which made me turn away my gaze and stare at the pot of potatoes instead.

I had heard this hint often enough from other settlers already. But I certainly didn´t see Caleb as a practice for own children. God, I didn´t even think about having children with Connor one day. At least we weren´t living together for long yet and until now, we hadn´t talked about our future. We wanted to take it slow in every aspect. To have children, there was one essential step left, for that I wasn´t ready yet at all. Not at least because of my strict education.  
I was glad that I didn´t need to explain it to Connor yet because luckily he wasn´t pestering me at all. But every day I was asking myself, for how long we would be able to delay the conversation about our future.  
A sigh escape me that was unfortunately heard by Corrine, who looked at me in concern. When I noticed it, I quickly put on a smile and asked her, if I could bring Caleb something to eat. She nodded, filled a plate with potatoes and rabbit ragout and I was almost relieved to leave the kitchen and go back to the dining area.

There sat Caleb behind the bar and beamed when I put the plate in front of him. For a boy of his size, he had a huge appetite and I smirked while watching him shoveling the food into his mouth.  
"Do you intend to chew once?"  
Caleb raised his head with my question and grinned at me with his mouth full. Reproachfully I lifted an eyebrow whereupon he reconsidered and attended to his meal again. I grabbed underneath the counter, took out a cup, went into the kitchen and finally put the water filled cup in front of the boy.  
"Are you done with your tasks?", I asked and Caleb nodded, still chewing. But at least he swallowed his food before he looked at me again and asked:  
"Is it alright if I go playing by the river with John and Carl?"  
Shortly I blinked in surprise because until now it had been rare that he asked for my permission. He knew that he basically was free to do as he pleases, as long as he didn´t get up to nonsense and behaved.  
"If you come back before it gets dark and stay careful, I don´t mind."  
Caleb nodded satisfied and in this moment, I really felt like a mother explaining to her child, when it has to come back home. But somehow I was glad that the eleven-year-old had asked for my permission. Didn´t it show that he accepted me as a authority? At least he could reproach me for not being his mother he had to obey.  
In a wave of tender affection, I reached out my hand and tousled the boy´s blonde hair which he noted under protest before I made sure that the incoming guests got their meals.

* * *

In the evening I bid farewell to Corrine and Oliver, tired but satisfied and went my way back home. The sun was already setting and everything was bathed in a red twilight. The wind became colder but I kept my pace unhurried because I loved this evening atmosphere. When the homestead slowly came to rest and only a few people were walking around outside. They were all at home or at the inn now, letting the day end in cosiness.  
When I crossed the bridge, which led over the river, my gaze fell onto Caleb and the sons of the lumberjacks. Laughing and barefooted, they were standing in the water and spattered each other. Shortly I thought about reprimanding them, but I bit my tongue and didn´t. They were children. They were playing and just because I had never been allowed to be so jolly, I didn´t want to take it from them. So I went on again.

At home I went directly upstairs and into the bedroom. I took off my apron and headscarf, washed my face and hands, loosened the hair bun and began to brush my hair. Again I reminded myself, that I should have trimmed it already because by now it fell down to by bottom. But with a smirk I remembered Connor´s almost terrified expression when I had mentioned this plan to him. He loved my long hair even though I couldn´t understand it really, because most of a time I wore it plaited to a braid. But someday we would have to bite the bullet and at least I was going to be glad about not being forced to spend hours in doing my hair anymore. Even now I just plaited it to a loose braid over my shoulder and went downstairs again.

In the meantime none of the one and a half men of this house had returned and so I decided to enjoy the silent around me. In the kitchen I put on a tea, sparked a fire in the fireplace of the parlour and sank onto an armchair with a sigh. My hands wrapped around the cup of tea and my legs cocked under my body, I watched the flames and listened to the crackling and fizzling of the logs.  
After a busy day at the inn, such evenings were worth a mint. That was why I sighed quietly when I heard, how the front door was opened and closed. On the basis of the careful steps, that barely made a noise on the floor, I didn´t have to ask who just came back. I saw Connor shortly passing the open door, before he disappeared from my field of vision again and I heard how the hidden door to the training room in the basement was opened.

After that it was silent for some time until the front door opened again and I heard Caleb stumping inside. His shoes landed somewhere in the hallway before he came in and sat down puffing and cross-legged in front of the fireplace.  
"Tired?", I asked and disapprovingly raised an eyebrow as I saw how he dampened the floor. He was soaked from his water fight in the river and around him was already a small puddle. He nodded.  
"So you can go to bed after you have wiped that up."  
Caleb looked down at himself as if he hadn´t been aware that he was completely soaked through and he screw up his face.  
"It is going to dry again", he mumbled but I only indicated to him silently, that he should take a cloth from the kitchen and he did. With a grim face he wiped up the water but insisted on hugging me when he wished me a good night. I chuckled, pulled him closer and place a kiss on his forehead, which he wiped away with his hand immediately. Nevertheless he couldn´t suppress a grin before he left the room and I heard him stumping upstairs.

Still smirking I pulled my legs from under my body and with a quiet groan I stretched myself out like a cat. Legs straight, arms stretched up and my head put back. A hearty yawn escaped my lips which seemed to be quite amusing because I heard a chuckle behind me and when I turned around, I saw Connor standing in the door frame. He had taken off his coat, as well as his weapons and the leather leggings which used to cover his thighs. Nothing suggested that he had spent the whole day in the frontier to pursue some assassin businesses, which I didn´t even wanted to know. He looked like he had just come from his work on a field.  
"So tired?" A smirk was still gracing his lips as he stepped beside my armchair, hunkered down and grabbed my hand that was laying on the arm rest. Automatically our fingers intertwined and I smirked inwardly, thinking about that this simple touch had been unimaginable a few months ago.

"Very tired but I wanted to wait for you to come out of your basement before going to bed. I haven't been greeted yet." I pushed my bottom lip forward, assumed sulking.  
"I am sorry." Connor squeezed my hand gently. "I just wanted to get rid of my things and come to rest."  
Worried I regarded his face that was laying in deep shadows through the light of the fireplace. He appeared tired and also depressed somehow.  
"Is something wrong? Did anything happen?"  
Connors gaze turned towards the fireplace while he shook his head.  
"Some troublemakers in Lexington but I think that they will not make any problems again."  
"Are troublemakers in Lexington really your business? Don´t the people have...guards who can take care of something like that?"  
Connor frowned after my question and looked at me again. I already knew the answer before he even said it.  
"When help is needed somewhere, it is always my business."  
It was a matter of course for him to sacrifice himself for others. Whether he knew them or not. It was his own strive for freedom and justice and I was actually admiring him for that. But did he really have to frequently get into dangerous situations? Certainly his answer would be "yes" and it seemed like I had to get used to it.

"As long as you are alright", I murmured and reached out my free hand to play with the small plaited braid at his temple and the wooden pearls on it. His gaze became gentler and he shortly raised my hand, he was still holding in his, to his lips.  
"You do not need to worry. I do not intend to leave you so soon."  
My eyebrows rose. "Not so soon? Is that supposed to reassure me?"  
Connor smirked and pushed himself up on the armrest until his eyes were on level with mine.  
"I actually do not intend it at all."  
"So, never?"  
"If you can bear me so long..."  
I chuckled about his answer but at the same time, my heart began to race. Again I thought of our still outstanding conversation about the future. But obviously Connor had made a decision on his own and I was willing to agree with it. I never wanted to separate from him, too. But how was this "never" supposed to look like?

Thinking about this question, I bit my lower lip. A typical reaction for me when I was feeling inwardly uncomfortable somehow and by now Connor knew me good enough to know that.  
"What is it?", he asked and propped his arms onto the arm rest to bring enough distance between us so that he could look into my eyes. It didn´t really help me to feel more comfortable.  
"During the last days I often thought about...how we´re going to live together in the future. I mean, right now it is quite...unattached."  
I even wasn´t able to form clear words of how I was thinking. It was incredibly hard for me to talk about it with him, even though I always had strict ideas, or better to say guidelines of how my life had to be like. Everything had changed with Connor and I didn´t know, if my ideas about a future together was basically matching his.  
At least he looked at me frowning before I saw something like understanding in his eyes.  
"You mean, if we are going to marry?"  
I was surprised of how directly he was saying it but I nodded slowly. Yes, I guessed this was what I had meant. But I had the feeling that I had to explain it to him.

"So, please don´t get it wrong. Everything, how it is, is totally fine with me. But you know, I´ve grown up with particular values and traditions and they say that a man and a woman have to get married when they are living together and only after the wedding they are allowed to..." I faltered and felt how I blushed. I really couldn´t start talking about _that_.  
"You know what I mean. Anyway, I only know it like that but I can understand if wedding isn´t part of your culture."  
Connor raised an eyebrow after my torrent of words had ended.  
"What makes you think that?"  
"Well, I thought..."  
"That the men and women of my people are living in open relationships?"  
The assassin smirked and really seemed to be amused what made me even more blush. It was embarrassing for me to notice, that I didn´t know anything about his people and only had lived on stories and prejudice I had been told over years. I really had dropped a brick.

"We marry, too even if we do not really have a god in front of whom we promise each other in marriage. There is no real ceremony like you have. I once was on a wedding that followed your traditions and your religion. But we celebrate like you and we also think that marriage is a promise and a responsibility you have to nourish and respect and it can only be annulled if the woman wants it for some reason."  
He paused and squeezed my hand gently again. "You see, I do understand your thoughts and if it were up to me, I would marry you. I just never considered it because I did not know how important it is to you. Furthermore I cannot step in front of an altar and promise my loyalty to you in the name of your god. I am not a part of your religion and I never will be."  
He said this last sentence without regret but as an immovable fact. Connor was right. He wasn´t Christian and I´d never expected him to be baptized for me and adapt to my faith. The only question was, how important was my religion to me? At least marriage was sacred and that was why I actually didn´t want to go without the divine blessing.  
But how was a marriage supposed to be, when the man and the woman didn´t share the same faith?

I sighed deeply. "Maybe we should drop the topic for now."  
I just was too tired to further think about it. Connor cocked his head slightly but finally nodded and stood up, my hand still holding in his. Gently he pulled me on my feet and wrapped his arms around me.  
"I thank you for being so honest. Sometimes I thought that you were feeling uncomfortable", he murmured but I shook my head.  
"I´m not feeling uncomfortable. I...you know me. I can´t change who I am. I was always told what is right and I just can´t shake it off. But I think, if I try and take my time, I will..."  
Connor put his hand under my chin and looked at me seriously.  
"You do not have to change. You have your own values and ideas and that is right. You should not think that everything you have been taught is wrong and that you have to shake it off because I have grown up different. It is not wrong as long as you are feeling comfortable with it."


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello everyone :)  
_

 _Here´s chapter two for you and I want to thank you for the first few favs, follows and reviews. I was a bit concerned because I didn´t know if everyone would find the story. There are some mature scenes in it. Not many (right now 5 scenes in 76 chapters) and not completely detailed but I guess they are detailed enough, so I had to rate it M for safety and rated M stories are not shown in the usual category. Anyway, I´m glad that at least some of you have found their way here. ;)_

 ** _Reviews:_**

 ** _Luthlien:_** _Yes, I´ve read your review for the last Freedom chapter but totally forgot to answer. Sorry for that. ;) I´m always happy to read your reviews. And...yes, they do share a bedroom. The German readers asked me about it, too because in face of Lillian´s concerns about "no sex before marriage" it would have been better if they wouldn´t sleep in one bed. But somehow I found it complicated to say "She gets an own room" because at this point in time I didn´t know about the extension of the manor (it´s a part of the house you can´t enter in the game, so I didn´t notice it. But it´s actually there) and thought that there are not enough rooms left. And they would have needed a new bed, too so...I´ve made it easier for myself I guess. :D And luckily Connor isn´t a man who would insist on intimacy when a woman lies next to him and he knows that she actually doesn´t want it._

 ** _MohawkWoman:_** _I´m glad to read that you enjoyed the first story. :) I hope I can keep it up with the sequel._

 ** _Guest:_** _Thank you. :) I always try to update as soon as possible, but the chapters are quite long so it can take some time. The translation isn´t my only project. At least I have to keep writing the German version so that I can give you the chapters in English sometime. ;)_

 ** _Betterdays623:_** _Oh, I hoped that you would find the story. Glad to see you again. ;)_

* * *

 **What you´re saying is not always what you want to say**

When I woke up the next morning, the room was already enlightened by the faint twilight of dawn and I sighed quietly, because I would have loved to sleep through. To get up early was something I definitely had to get used to but at least my biological clock seemed to have adjusted to it and Connor didn´t need to wake me from my deep sleep when the sun rose.  
I turned my head to the other side of the bed and sighed when I saw that it was empty. Obviously the assassin had decided to let me sleep because I had no duties in the inn today. I could dedicate my whole time to the household and I groaned quietly with the thought of that. But the earlier I got up and started my work, the sooner I could attend to more pleasant things. So I pushed back the blanket, stood up and padded barefooted to the closet. I changed from my nightgown into my shift, slipped into skirt and bodice and laced up the latter while I sat down onto the chair in front of the washstand.

Right on the first day after my arrival I had replaced my noble dresses with the simple bourgeois clothing and that meant especially that I didn´t have to tie a corset anymore or rather didn´t need somebody to help me if wanted to get dressed or undressed. I still had the clothes the women of the homestead had given to me before my departure to London. By now I had got more made my Ellen because in terms of my clothes, I wasn´t able to change my attitude. I liked to have some choice and I had kept my noble dresses, too. They were stored safely in a chest, together with my jewellery which would be annoying in daily life. Even though the new clothes were comfortable, I certainly would get the chance to dress up in silk and brocade again. Inwardly always a lady, how Maria liked to call it and she was right.

With quick fingers I loosened my braid, brushed my hair and tied it to a bun while approaching the door. I already heard voices coming from the kitchen and when I had got downstairs, I was almost knocked over by Caleb, who hurried towards the front door, a slice of bread between his teeth. He mumbled something that sounded like "good morning" while he was already disappearing behind the door. Shaking my head I watched it slamming shut. This boy never calmed down except when he was asleep. I had often tried to make him have his breakfast in peace. But like he had done today, he always snatched a slice of bread and gobbled it without taking a seat or while walking. He had a good appetite but in face of his need for movement, it wasn´t a miracle that he only was a pushover.

When I entered the kitchen, Connor was standing by the hearth with his back to me and just put the water filled zinc jug, which I always used to brew tea in it, onto the rack over the fire. Smiling I wrapped my arms around him from behind and leaned my head against his back.  
"For me?", I asked and gave a vague hint towards the jug.  
"Who else in this house drinks tea? I heard that you are coming downstairs."  
Connor turned around, embraced me and bent down to me, leaning his forehead against mine. A tender gesture I was already more appreciating than any kiss. It was his own, silent way to show me his affection and in face of the fact that Connor used to avoid the closeness to other people, these simple approaches were a gift.

"Could you not sleep anymore?" he asked me, without breaking the embrace.  
"No, but I have enough to do today." It was me who freed herself slightly to look at him.  
"What are you going to do today? Do you have to go somewhere?", I asked and hoped that he would say no. It always eased my mind when I knew that he was somewhere in the homestead and not taking a wander through the frontier. I was worried about him and no matter how often he told me that he had duties as an assassin but would be careful for my sake, it wouldn´t change. At least I already knew from my own experience, how dangerous these duties could be and it was enough that I had almost lost him to injuries and their consequences once. He had scars on his back which reminded me of it every time I saw them.

So I was relieved when he shook his head.  
"There is work on the Aquila I have to do and I wanted take care of some things in the homestead", he answered calmly but with his last words and only for a split of a second, a strange smile appeared on his lips, which I wasn´t able to interpret. But I didn´t even ask but pulled back completely to reach past him for a towel and take the jug from the fire. Connor took a step aside so that I could put some tea leaves into a cup and brew them with the water.  
Not until then he stepped to me again, pulled me closer and gave a peck on my lips.  
"If something should happen or you are needing help, call for me. All right?"  
I smirked about the care, he was always showing for me but I nodded. Connor smiled before he stepped away from me and left the kitchen. I heard him going downstairs to the basement and when I just sat down at the table, a slice of bread with ham on it in my hand, the front door closed behind him.

* * *

I spent my morning stripping the beds and washing the duvet covers and sheets. And I hated doing the laundry. The lugging of water, the rough feeling of the washboard even through the fabric and not least the feeling of saturated hands when I was finally done. Furthermore the weather was quite summery today for mid-April. Perfect for doing and hanging out the laundry outside but sudorific during the process itself. So I leaned quietly groaning against the wall of the house, where I had placed the washtub and fanned myself with my head scarf, which I had loosened from my hair before. It was a marvel to me how other women were bearing this without blinking an eye. I really couldn´t be so spoiled that I was the only one complaining about it.  
 _As if!_

Sighing I put on the scarf again, stood up, tucked the basked with laundry under my arm and carried it to the line, I had tied between two trees. I hung up one piece after another und while doing that, I first barely noticed Caleb, who was standing by the stables and put something into the box of Cherry, the small Shetland Pony.  
"What are you doing?", I called out to him over the line and he flinched as if I had caught him.  
"I...just gave Cherry some more feed", he answered and gave me a wide grin. My eyebrows arched immediately. This answer seemed a bit suspicious to me but I didn´t feel like asking further questions. I had enough to do and I just hoped that he didn´t get up to nonsense when Cherry was involved.

So I just gave him a warning look before I put the empty basket aside and went back to the house. I took a basket from the kitchen, hung its handle over my arm and set off to the edge of the homestead where the farm of Prudence and Warren was located. I had met the farmer´s wife shortly in the morning and she had offered to me that I could come by during the day and collect some vegetables and fresh bread. The latter was freshly baked by her every day and beside Corrine, Prudence was the best cook I knew in the homestead and a very kind, honest young woman at that. It was easy for me to talk and laugh about everything with her.

While I followed the path up to the farm, I already saw Prudence waving to me from the distance and when I finally got to her, we greeted each other warmly.  
"You´re just in time", the farmer´s wife told me and pointed at the stone oven behind her that was already radiating the scent of freshly-baked bread.  
"I thought I give you a fresh one. The vegetables are here. The first harvest this year."  
We went to a table where she had laid out accurately different types of vegetables. Salad, spinach, diverse field crops I didn´t know by name and some herbs, too. Prudence but them all into my basket, not without telling me thoroughly how to store them. I thanked her and we went back to the oven which she opened shortly to have a look at the bread.

It wasn´t done yet and so we talked for a while. About the newest events in the homestead, about Caleb and also about Prudence´s two-year-old son Hunter. With shining eyes she told me how lively the little boy was babbling to himself and how eager he was to help his father with his work. She was certain that he was going to become a passionate farmer like Warren and we laughed about the thought.  
When the bread was done, Prudence took it out of the oven and into my basket. We said goodbye to each other but when I just wanted to leave, the farmer´s wife called me back again.

"You shouldn´t be worried", she started and put a hand on my shoulder. "I´m sure that Connor and you are going to manage it somehow and like I have said to him: We are behind you and I´m already looking forward to help you."  
Confused I looked at her. I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. With what did she want to help us? And when had she talked to Connor anyway?  
"What do you mean?", I expressed my question now and Prudence shortly raised an eyebrow.  
"Well...Connor asked me today..." She faltered before her eyes widened and she lifted both hands. "Never mind. Forget about it."  
Prudence laughed embarrassed and confused me even more. Connor asked her what? Actually I wanted to know that but Prudence quickly said goodbye to me and claimed that she had something important to do inside. She had already disappeared when I was still standing on the path, completely confused and trying to see a reason in her words.

Slowly and thoughtfully I went back to the homestead. I thought about what Connor might have asked Prudence. He wasn´t a man who revealed much about himself and gossiped and so it didn´t get into my head what he could have asked her about us. At least there wasn´t anything he couldn´t talk to me about right now.  
Shortly I thought of the conversation we´d had last night but I in my opinion we had dropped the "wedding topic" for now. Why should Connor talk about it with other settlers? I just didn´t understand it but when I just had decided to stop thinking about it, I was disabused.

I was close to the small church when I saw Pater Timothy leaving the building. But he wasn´t alone. Connor was with him and the two had an animated conversation, at least until they detected me. It wasn´t so unusual that Connor was talking to the priest. He was always concerned about everyone in the homestead and even though he didn´t consult him about questions of faith, I knew that he appreciated the reverend´s opinion. But in face of Prudence´s strange words and the sudden breaking off of the men´s conversation, I became sceptical.

I approached them slowly and when I stopped in front of them, Father Timothy gave me a friendly smile. "It´s nice to see you, Lillian", he said whereupon I just nodded to him. My gaze went back and forth between him and Connor, who on his part was looking at me with an enigmatic expression. Something was wrong here and it seemed as if I was right. The Father made a short gesture towards Connor before he said: "Connor and I have just talked about your plans and I do understand what your problem is. But be assured that you can talk to me about it any time. I already told Connor that I´m going to think about it and we certainly will find a way."  
Obviously everybody was talking about things I was supposed to know something about but it slowly dawned on me that this was about our yesterday´s conversation. But there was a snag to it.

"I don´t know anything about plans", I said slowly while I shifted the fully loaded basket from my right to my left arm. Father Timothy blinked in confusion and glanced to Connor who was frowning.  
"Well, I thought..." The priest began to knead his hands uneasily. "I thought that the engagement is close to be in existence and that you´re only thinking about the marriage ceremony."  
My eyebrows leaped up. Engagement? You spoke about marriage once and were engaged immediately? Either I had missed something important or I had got the meaning of engagements wrong. My gaze slid to Connor who returned it completely calm. That was seeking clarification.

Father Timothy seemed to think that, too because he looked at each of us before he nodded to us and said: "I think, I will leave you alone. But Lillian, don´t forget: You can always talk to me about your concerns."  
"Thank you, Father", I murmured but he had already climbed the stairs to the church´s door and disappeared inside the Lord´s house. Connor and I stood silently in front of each other for a moment before the assassin reached out his hand and took the basket from me.  
"Come, I will carry it home for you", he said unnecessarily and we walked on to the manor. First I waited if he was going to explain what the conversation with the Father had meant but he remained silent. I had to suppress an annoyed sound.

"Don´t you want to explain to me why everyone is assuming that we´re having wedding plans?"  
I looked at him, my eyebrows arched but Connor shrugged his shoulders.  
"Because we do have them. We just talked about it yesterday."  
"We spoke about it in general but it doesn´t mean that you can start to make plans. You didn´t even ask me yet, if I want to marry you."  
The assassin frowned and gave me a glance from the side. "First of all, I have not made any plans. I just asked Timothy if he has a solution for your concerns about your religion. And second, I did not think that it is necessary to ask you. At least you started talking about it yesterday and you would not have done it, if you would not want to marry me. Or am I wrong?"  
I wanted to answer him but I didn´t know what to say. At least he was right. I shook my head anyway.  
"But you have to ask me anyway. You can´t walk around and tell other people until then and we also haven´t made any decisions until then."  
Connor stopped now and held me back with grabbing my arm as I wanted to walk on. He appeared to be confused and didn´t seem to understand my point of view. I for my part didn´t understand what he had been thinking. He couldn´t take all my words so seriously. He neither would move the whole house if I would tell him that its closeness to the cliff made me feel dizzy sometimes. But in this case, he obviously did.

"I want to marry you, you want to marry me. Why should I ask you, if I know the answer already? You are making it more complicated than it has to be."  
Pragmatic but not wrong. But why was I making it more complicated? I didn´t want him to get me a star from the sky. I just wanted a goddamn proposal. I folded my arms in front of my chest.  
"Why is it complicated if I want you to ask for my hand properly? Like other men would do. At least we are not talking about some horse-trading."  
Connor´s eyebrows rose before he closed his eyes shortly and sighed. Was the poor man overstrained now?

His eyes opened again and he took a step towards me. The basket in one hand, he grabbed mine with the other and looked at me when he asked casually: "Lillian, do you want to marry me?"  
Was he kidding me? I uttered a snort when I pulled my hand back.  
"Lillian, do you like spinach?", I imitated his voice what made his expression finally slip away. Actually I felt sorry for him, but he couldn´t make it too easy for himself. "You have to be serious about it."  
Connor groaned quietly and put two fingers to the root of his nose to knead it.  
"I am serious about it. I would not stand here and talk to you about it, if I was not. You said I should ask you, if you want to marry me and ask for your hand. I did, so what are you expecting from me?"  
"Well, that you make a proper proposal and don´t ask so succinctly as if you´re asking about the weather."  
He just stared at me silently for a moment and I could still see incomprehension in his eyes. But when he wanted to grab my hand again, I pulled it back and went on towards the manor.  
"Properly!", I repeated and heard him snort behind me before he followed me.

Without saying a word, he carried the basket into the kitchen and grumbled "I will be right back", before he disappeared again. Slightly irritated I frowned. Did I really demand so much from him? I just wanted him to propose to me properly. Not somewhere on the street with a basket full of vegetables in his hand. As if we were on a market, closing a deal. Other men also courted the women they wanted to marry and just because I had mentioned once, that I would marry him, he couldn´t take it as a matter of course. It couldn´t be so absurd, even though I knew that Connor wasn´t an emotional person. He wasn´t romantic, he was pragmatic. But it was only a proposal. He didn´t have to sing me a love song and I neither expected a ring. I just didn´t want to feel like something naturally.

Morose I began to put away the contents of the basket into the storage room. I felt like I´d had a serious fight with Connor even though that wasn´t even the case. But it seemed like we had totally different ways of looking at things again. If we even weren´t in agreement on our engagement, how were we supposed to line up a wedding?  
Sighing I leaned against the table, took off my head scarf and pressed the heels of my hands against my forehead.  
 _Maybe you just should have restrained yourself this time. He isn´t like the fine gentlemen you know. Get used to it._  
Why wasn´t I able to be content with what I had? At least I knew that he loved me and wanted to marry me and I felt the same. But I wouldn´t be surprised if Connor would change his opinion about marriage again. I had to apologize when he returned.

I believed to get this chance when I heard the front door open. Hastily I leaped from the table and went into the hallway just to see, how something white disappeared at the landing upstairs. "Caleb?"  
The rumbling steps died away, I heard something hit the wooden stairs before Caleb jumped downstairs and appeared at the landing. "Yes?"  
"What are you doing here?" Sceptically I approached him, what made him nervously approaching me, too. He seemed to try to keep me away from the staircase when he assured me, that he only wanted to go into his room. But I knew that something was up and so I pushed myself past him and went to the staircase. There lay a bow, a quiver and a sheet.

"Would you like to explain this to me, please?" I climbed up the few stairs and grabbed the weapons at first. It was Connor´s second bow and quiver and I doubted that he had given them to the boy. The assassin was very particular about his weapons and I didn´t like it that an eleven-years-old boy just took and seemingly used them.  
"I just wanted to practise. I was bored", grumbled Caleb when I picked up the sheet. At first I didn´t notice anything about it except that it was annoyingly larded with grass stains. But then my gaze fell onto a hole. Big enough to be possibly caused by an arrow.  
"And as a target you´re using my washed laundry?" Irritated I held the damaged piece of fabric under his nose. "Did you think you could hide it?"  
Caleb clenched his teeth. "It wasn´t on purpose. I wanted to clean and repair it. You wouldn´t have noticed it."  
"Go into your room and you will stay, until I tell you something else" I ordered him to do and hang the weapons over my shoulder and the sheet over my arm. Caleb looked at me disbelievingly. I had never punished him but until now it hadn´t been necessary. Now it was different.  
"But why? It´s only a sheet." Caleb sulked defiantly but I came down to him and pushed him towards the staircase.  
"And the bow is a weapon and not a toy. You could have hurt you or someone else and furthermore I doubt that Connor allowed you to take it. So go upstairs and when he comes back, I will send him to you. You can discuss it thoroughly with him then, if you want to."

Caleb took a deep breath to protest but I pointed remorselessly at the staircase whereupon he obeyed grumbling. I heard him murmur something about my alleged unfairness before his stumping steps disappeared towards his room.  
Shaking my head I went through the hallway to the hidden door which lay at the backside of the staircase. I pulled the sconce which opened the door through a mechanism and climbed down the wooden stairs into the basement. Here was only Connor´s realm and until now I only had been here once. The assassin used to train here which was especially shown by the battered straw doll in the middle of the room. But above all he was storing his weapons on the other end of the basement. A small room, piled up with shelves in which tomahawks, pistols, swords and other weapons were tidily stored. I had already had an unpleasant feeling the last time I had seen this deadly collection and also now, I tried to not look at them when I put bow and quiver back to their usual place.  
I hurried up with leaving the room and going upstairs. At least I had to wash and dry the sheet a second time before I could patch it up.

* * *

In the evening I sat, in the light of a lamp, in the bed and attended to the patching of the sheet. Sewing and knitting was the only useful thing I had learned about housekeeping. But I could barely concentrate. Connor had returned just after sunset and was talking to Caleb for quite a while now. He hadn´t been angry when I had told him about the boy´s mischief but his expression had become very serious when he had promised me to resolve this problem. I doubted that he would scold the boy but I hoped that he would appeal to his conscience at least. The thought, that Caleb obviously didn´t think about that weapons were no toys and especially that he made use of Connor´s arsenal, scared me. He also could have used a pistol. That only sheet had come to harm was a miracle and I had repaired it more quickly than a person could have recovered from a wound.

I stroked over the seam with my fingertips, checking if I had worked properly enough and folded up the sheet to clear it away, together with my utensils. I had barely gone to bed again, when the door opened and Connor came in.  
"And?", I asked and sat up while he sat down at the edge on his side of the bed and loosened the laces of his leggings.  
"He apologized and understood that he has to respect weapons and should not use them thoughtlessly. But we agreed that I will teach him archery, if he really wants to learn it."  
My eyebrows rose in astonishment. "You even want to teach him?"  
Connor took off his shoes and began to unbutton his shirt, likewise calmly. "Why not? I was much younger than he is today when I learned it."  
"That was different. You had to learn it, he doesn´t. Why should he learn to use a weapon?"  
"It is not just about learning how to use a weapon. He has to understand it. Only when he learns the proper handling, he will be able to have the respect that is necessary."  
He slipped the shirt off his shoulders and laid it over the bedpost, before he slipped under the blanket and adjusted the pillow under his head.  
I watched him sceptically which didn´t escape his notice.  
"It almost sounds as if you´re talking about a human being", I murmured and sank back into my pillow, too. Connor smirked slightly.  
"Men and weapons are not that unlike sometimes. If you are not careful, somebody gets hurt."

I turned onto my side and looked at him, laying on his back, his gaze directed to the ceiling but his eyes closed. I still had a bad feeling about my affectations today and I asked myself, what he was thinking about it. Was he angry or had he already forgotten it?  
"Connor, I´m sorry about today", I began quietly whereupon he opened his eyes and turned his head towards me. "I´m really making things more complicated than they have to be sometimes."  
Connor looked at me silently for a moment, before he turned onto his side, too and moved a bit closer to me.  
"I do not mind. I understand you." He smirked. "I really have not thought that you would expect a proposal because I thought that it would not be important. But I spoke with Prudence again because I had no idea of what you are expecting me to do."  
I raised an eyebrow. "You talked to Prudence about it?"  
Connor shrugged his shoulders. "She is a woman and someone who knows a lot about emotional things. And besides that, I know that she would not laugh or even gossip."  
He reached out an arm for me and gently pulled me closer to him, a faint grin on his lips.  
"But why am I supposed to go down on my knees in front of you? I understand why you want flowers but why should I kneel down? Do I have to surrender to you?"  
Speechless I just stared at him for a moment but then I broke out laughing. Even though he was grinning, he was totally serious about his question and honestly, I didn´t know an answer. But to compare a genuflection with surrender was something I had never really thought about.  
"I don´t know", I said giggling. "It´s somehow romantic. Basically the man is asking the woman to marry her and maybe it´s easier to ask when you are on your knees."  
Connor shook his head grinning. "That is somehow humiliating. I want to be at eye level with someone when I am asking for something."  
"I´m almost two heads shorter than you. We´re hardly ever at eye level."  
I was still giggling quietly but stopped abruptly when Connor finally pulled me to him, so that we were laying torso against torso. The tips of our noses nearly touched each other and I felt his breath brushing my face as he smirked and said: "Now we are."  
Yes, it seemed so but I was tempted to break the eye contact and to snuggle into his arms. Like always he was radiating a warmth that made me seek his closeness even though I was always a bit afraid of laying so close to him in bed, especially when he wasn´t wearing a shirt like now. I had the sudden desire to touch him, to feel the contours of his muscles with my hands but I was afraid of what I could evoke in him. That he could expect more from me than I was willing to give him at the moment. But actually I knew that Connor would never do that.

Even now he just lay next to me, one arm around me and stroked gently over my back without turning his gaze away. He made me nervous and so I closed the last distance between us, laid an arm over him and buried my head against his chest. I closed my eyes and could immediately fall asleep in his arms but was completely confused when Connor moved away from me and put a hand under my chin so that I looked at him. He took a deep breath before a faint smile curled his lips.  
"Do you want to marry me, Lillian?"  
I blinked several times because I didn´t expected him to ask again. But even though this wasn´t a usual proposal, the honesty in his voice and the feeling it caused, was enough for me.  
A bright smile appeared on my face when I moved closer to him again and whispered against his lips: "Of course I do. Although I would have liked to see you kneel in front of me."  
Connor chuckled. "You can wait long for that."  
And our lips found each other in a long, deep kiss.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey everybody :)_

 _In this chapter I had to deal with the always difficult topic of religion and I have to say some words about it for better understanding. So please check out the notes in the end of the chapter. ;)_

 ** _Reviews:_**

 **MohawkWoman:** Your review made me laugh. I never thought about his proposal like that but...yeah. I think I couldn´t resist either. ;)

 **SchadenFreude95:** Thank you so much. :) I really enjoy it to write these domnestic and fluffy parts. It´s always interesting to describe how two persons meet each other and fall in love but I really wanted to write how this relationship goes on. So I´m glad you like it.

* * *

 **Solving problems, preparations and problems**

Even though we had only told Caleb and previously indirectly Prudence and Father Timothy about our engagement, the whole homestead knew about it shortly afterwards. It was Caleb who hadn´t been able to keep it for himself. We had barely told him when he had run excited through the homestead and had told everyone he met on his way. I had been totally clueless when I had been on my way to the inn and had been congratulated by several people. Everybody said how excited they were for the wedding even though Connor and I didn´t even know how the ceremony alone should be conducted. But our friends were less concerned about that than we were. Corrine even insisted immediately on arranging the wedding celebration while Maria and Ellen instructed me that I had come to the tailor´s shop once, to take my measurements for the wedding dress. It was heart-warming how excited they were but also absurd in an alarming way. Recently I been concerned if it was even possible for me to marry Connor and now it seemed as if the wedding was closed to be organized. We only needed someone to define a date all of the sudden.

Connor as well as I had to realize that it made no sense to stop the settlers in their euphoria and so we let them. I just hoped that we were going to keep having a say in the whole thing. For now it was more important to me to talk with Pater Timothy, so I stayed on my seat after the Sunday Mass while the others left the church and said goodbye to the Pater at the door.  
"What can I do for you, Lillian?", he asked me when he came back into the church and sat down next to me on the bench. "Is it about the wedding?"  
I nodded. "I´m worried about the ceremony itself and that it doesn´t justice to my faith. That my marriage to Connor in its sense has no permission because he´s no Christian and we can´t and don´t want to do a Christian ceremony because of that."  
Timothy nodded seriously. "Connor already told me about it and I have thought about it. I understand why you´re worried and it´s really difficult. I don´t know about a marriage that was contracted between a Christian and a heathen. Maybe because it´s not acceptable from the Church´s point of view."  
He paused while I felt how a lump formed in my throat. I had expected that.  
"And what do you say?", I asked quietly.  
"Well, from the Church´s point of view, your union would be impossible. But God created the men as man and woman, so the marriage is his will and I don´t believe that he would decide between the religions. Only men presume to do that. The Lord´s mercy is all-encompassing and doesn´t decide between Christian and heathen." He smiled. "Connor is a good man. He respects his fellow men and even though he isn´t baptised, he respects our religion. When I arrived here, he gave me the money to build this church so that the settlers were able to visit it again. When his mentor died, he came to me and asked me to organize and hold his funeral. I´m certain that he wouldn't do anything that offends you and your faith and I´m certain that he will always respect your marriage and I think that is most important."

I was grateful for his words. They calmed me. During the last days I had always been worried about it and had tried to find a way out of my concerns with my own knowledge about the bible. But to hear from a priest, that he had no serious reservations, was the only thing I had really needed. But there was still the question about the ceremony. It was still impossible that Father Timothy married us and that was what I mentioned now.  
The Father nodded and looked straight ahead to the pulpit. "I thought about that, too", he said slowly. "Do you have any ideas of how the ceremony should be held?"  
I had already talked to Connor about it but his people hadn´t a wedding ceremony like the Christian had. The families of the couple came together, talked about them and when they agreed that they were suited to each other, the marriage was decided. Not quite encouraging from my point of view but we had decided to hold our own ceremony. I explained it to the Father who noted my words with a smile.  
"I don´t think that you can do something wrong and I can bless your marriage without holding the ceremony."  
He winked at me and I gave him a thankful smile. "That´s all I need."  
Satisfied with the process of this conversation, I said goodbye to Father Timothy and went home, with a spring in my step and in high spirits. My way led me directly to Connor who was sitting in the shadow of a tree and carved a twig, while several others lay next to him the grass.

"What´s that going to be?", I asked him curiously as I approached him and he lifted his head.  
"New arrows. Caleb broke some during his solo effort." Connor put the knife and the twig in his hands aside and laid an arm around me when I sank down on the grass next to him. Gently he pulled me closer and pressed a kiss to my hair while I leaned against him and just enjoyed this moment of closeness. After the conversation with Father Timothy, I felt even more thrilled with the thought to marry him. To call him my fiancé was already an indescribable feeling but just thinking about calling him my husband soon, the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with, felt even better.

I pulled away from him reluctantly to look at him, because I wanted to tell him something after all. "I talked to Father Timothy."  
Connor cocked his head and concern flared up in his eyes until he saw the smile on my lips.  
"What did he say?"  
"Do you want the short version or the long one with all the religious details?" I grinned what made him smirk in turn.  
"I think the short one is enough."  
Still grinning I put my hands into his nape and made his smirk become even wider. Surely he could already imagine my answer but I couldn´t help but announce solemnly: "He has no reservations and says that he can bless our marriage without a ceremony and that´s basically everything I needed for my peace of mind. To know that I won´t get into hell because I marry you."  
Connor cocked his head with my last words but this sparkle in his eyes told me, that he was at least as happy about this answer as I was.  
"That is wonderful", he said with a smile and pulled me closer to lean his forehead against mine. "When you are happy, I am happy, too."  
And how happy I was. Finally I was able to think about the wedding and enjoy it, but I hoped that he did it, too. I couldn´t expect any kind of euphoria from Connor and he wouldn´t be very demanding about the wedding itself. But I didn´t want him to be passed over anyway because his opinion was important to me. It was our wedding, not mine.

"But we still have to talk about the ceremony", I said and pulled my head back to look at him while my hand stroked over the hair in his nape.  
"I have not thought about it yet", Connor confessed and plaid with the braid over my shoulder. "The traditions we know are very different from each other. We have to find a way that satisfies us both."  
I nodded slowly and thoughtfully pulled my bottom lip through my teeth. Maybe it was totally insane that we were talking about a wedding under these circumstances.  
"Maybe we should think about what is most important to us", I began hesitantly. "We have long passages of conditions you have to accept with your word of consent. If you will honour your partner, love him, get through hard times with him...it is important but basically natural. Therefore we don´t have to go through this onslaught of words, if you ask me."  
I smirked while Connor lifted an eyebrow. "So you do not want to make sure that I cannot search for excuses why I do not have to honour, love and support you during our marriage?", he asked with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes.  
"If you don´t, I as the woman will decide to annul the marriage and throw you out." I laughed and pulled shortly at his braid, whereupon he took my arms from his shoulders and detained my wrists in front of his chest.  
"We could make it easy and search for someone who becomes the spokesman of the ceremony. Who holds it at his discretion because basically the most important thing is that we are officially pronounced husband and wife, or is it not?"  
"And who?"  
"It should be someone who knows us well and of whom we have a high opinion."  
I smirked. "Well, Mr. Faulkner is the only person who comes in my mind. But I thought I ask him to be my male attendant."  
Robert Faulkner was the first mate on the Aquila and a typical example for an old sailor. Sometimes quite harsh in his choice of words but with a big heart. He was a loyal friend and the only person I could imagine as the spokesman on our wedding.  
"Maybe he can be both as long as it isn´t too much for him."  
Connor chuckled with my words, stood up and pulled me to my feet. "We should ask him."

* * *

Faulkner had been visibly moved even though he had tried to hide it. But he had promised immediately to hold our wedding ceremony and to be my male attendant. I was glad to know that we had such a good friend by our side and also that we had settled the most important questions. In the following days I was able to attend to the other preparations without worrying. Although I didn´t like it that Connor wanted to stay out of everything. He said that the ceremony was the only important thing to him and he trusted Corrine´s and my taste regarding to the celebration. And Corrine was very passionate about it. She explained me in every detail what she had planned for the meal, which decorations Prudence wanted to prepare and how she thought about the course of the celebration. As long as the weather allowed it, we wanted to celebrate in the bay where the Aquila lay at anchor. Patiently I listened to Corrine´s explanations and made own suggestions from time to time, but basically I had the feeling that the she was in control of everything. Until now I didn´t dislike any of her ideas and I was extremely grateful for her help.

But she wasn´t the only one who wanted to help me. Two days after my conversation with the Father, Maria visited me in the morning and complained about me because I hadn´t come to the tailor´s yet. Actually I had asked her for help with my hair, which I wanted to shorten today but first I saw myself in front of a petite black-haired woman who was looking at me indignantly, with her hands on her hips and waiting for an answer.  
"To be honest, I thought I wear one of my dresses. I have enough."  
Maria rolled her eyes and uttered a snort. "But they are no wedding dresses." She linked arms with me and dragged me upstairs and into the bedroom, where I had to open the chest with my dresses. I still possessed four dresses from my time in London, which my friend took out of the chest one after another and laid them onto the bed. They were all beautiful but Maria screwed up her face and shook her head. "You can´t wear something on your wedding that you would also wear on a soiree."  
"But when else should I wear them if not on my wedding?"  
At least my question wasn´t directly unheard.

With her head cocked, she grabbed one of the dresses, lifted it and regarded it thoroughly. It was cream-coloured, almost golden, with delicate blossom embroidery on the robe, lavish decorations on the bodice and delicate laces on the neckline. I had got it as a gift a long time ago and I groaned quietly when I remembered the reason.  
"This was my debutante dress. I don´t know why I still have it. Certainly it doesn´t fit anymore. I was eighteen at that time."  
Maria gave me a glance from the side before she grinned and held the dress in front of me. "To try it on cannot be wrong. In case of need I can still change it a bit."  
I didn´t even try to protest but slipped out of bodice and skirt without saying a word, while Maria took my corset out of the chest, stepped behind me and laced it up. She didn´t make it really tight but she had barely fastened the first laces when I started to gasp for air and stepped from one foot onto the other. I just wasn´t used to this feeling anymore but I clenched my teeth until Maria was finished with constricting me.  
"All right?", she asked and laughed when I just screw up my face. She took the dress and helped me to get into it. It really fitted but it felt like it was too tight around my chest.  
"Oh, great. Still petite like an eighteen-years-old but at least my breasts have grown", I growled which made Maria laugh again.  
"We can tie them away. I haven´t tightened the corset so much."  
"That means I can struggle with suffocation on my wedding."  
"As long as you can say 'I do', every thing´s fine."

Obviously Maria was mightily amused but I couldn´t suppress a grin, too. I stepped to the mirror by the washstand and looked at me, cocking my head. I liked the sight of me and could imagine to get married in this dress. Even though the fact, that this was the dress I had worn when I had been thrown onto the marriage market seven years ago, was quite ironic. There had been some young men who had been interested in me but my uncle Richard, my warden after my parent´s death, had chased them away. He had never wanted to marry me off because it would have stopped him from batten on my heritage, which he had squandered successfully over the years.  
 _But how mad he would be, if he knew that I´m going to marry Connor_ , I thought and grinned. As a templar he would probably turn in his grave, if he knew that his well-protected money source was going to fall into the hands of an assassin and – according to Richard´s own words – a "wild mutt".

"I would say I will sew a veil for you and we´re done", Maria said with a satisfied smile and I nodded. She helped me to get out of the dress and the corset and I slipped back into my regular clothes. We put the dresses back into the chest and attended to my hair afterwards. It took nearly an hour until Maria had shortened it properly and a bit melancholy I looked down at the long, dark brown strands which were laying on the floor all around my chair. Some centimetres were gone and now they reached down to my shoulder blades instead of my bottom. Still long but hopefully easier to care and to style and I noticed with satisfaction that my natural curls came to light again. As a girl I had worn a complete mess of wild curls on my head that had become straighter over the years. In adolescence the wild frizzy mane had given way to wavy hair that I never had to curl and I always had been proud of it. But the longer my hair had got, the straighter it had become and the curls had disappeared completely. That they were coming back consoled me for the lost length and satisfied I ran my fingers through my hair. I could definitely get married like that.

* * *

One week later, the day had come. Nervous and wringing my hands, I was standing in our bedroom and let Maria lace up the corset. Periodically I was scolded for my fidgeting but I couldn´t help myself. I had been amazingly calm for the last couple of days but it had changed this morning. I felt totally edgy and doubted that I was going to be able to stand still for a second, not even during the wedding ceremony. Maybe I had to tell Connor that he had to hold me so that I couldn´t stump on his feet. But I certainly wouldn´t meet him before.  
My fiancé had spent the night in the inn because one of the settlers had said with a wide grin, that the couple wasn´t allowed to share a bed in the night before the wedding yet and he had emphasized the "yet" specifically. But I really didn´t want to think about the wedding night because my nervousness right now was enough. Furthermore I began to doubt that I would ever get out of this dress, so tight was the corset. The only advantage was that the dress actually fitted better around my chest and I began to ask myself again, what we women were enduring for our beauty. We accepted that we could suffocate. My former teacher Theresa Bonham would have said: "It´s better to die in beauty than to live in ugliness" and for the first time I was willing to doubt this sentence.

When I sat down at the washstand, so that Maria could attend to my hair, I had to use every breathing technique I knew to get at least some air. Standing upright was always easier in a corset than sitting. But I endured without complaining that Maria was taking her time to comb my newly regained curls back on the sides, so that my hair was only touching my back. My shoulders and the lavish quillings on the neckline were wonderfully shown to advantage like this and even though I was quite pale, I liked the sight of my reflection. Especially when Maria draped the veil on my hair, I finally felt like a bride.

"Do you feel ready?", Maria asked and smiled at me through the mirror. I nodded, maybe a bit shaky though and smiling she helped me onto my feet. She went first into the hallway where Mr. Faulkner was already waiting for us, my bridal bouquet in his hands. The first mate was wide-eyed as he saw me, grabbed my hands and looked me over with admiration.  
"You´re looking stunning, lass", he said. "If the Captain doesn´t want to take you for his wife like that, I surely can try my luck, can I?" He winked at me whereupon I chuckled. He made it easy for me not to die of nervousness.  
"Can we go then? Are the others waiting for us?", asked Maria and Faulkner´s smile began to waver. He let my hands go, took a step back, put a hand into his nape and looked down to the floor. Something seemed to worry him and I felt how my heart missed a beat.  
"What is it?", I asked him and Faulkner raised his eyes to look at me remorsefully.  
"Well, the others are already waiting in the bay, but...I think we have a little problem."  
He stepped from one foot onto the other while I didn´t stop staring at him. He had to tell me, what was wrong. Damnit. "What is it?"  
"Well, I fear...I fear that Connor is missing."

* * *

 **Notes:**

As I wrote it before, I think that religion is always a difficult topic because everybody has and should have his own opinion about it and it´s easy to offend people in their own faith. That´s certainly not what I want to do. That´s why I want to keep this topic to a minimum in this story, even though Lillian is religious. I just thought that it suits her character and also the time she´s living in. I, for my part, am Protestant but not very religious. I visited a Catholic school ( a fromer convent) and had "religion" as a subject until I graduated. So even though my family isn´t very religious, I learned a lot about the bible and the Church´s point of view but I still had to do some research for this chapter. I wanted to find a realistic solution for Lillian´s problem but I didn´t find one. In the 18th century, the Church would have been appalled by a Christian marrying a heathen. But in face of his behaviour in the game, I think that Father Timothy wouldn´t be so strict and intolerant, so I decided what you can read in this chapter. ;) I hope everyone is fine with it. At least it´s only about the ceremony and it´s not going to be so long.


	4. Chapter 4

_Hey ^^  
_

 _Another chapter for you and my answers to your reviews._

 ** _To MohawkWoman:_** _Thank you. :) It was really important to me to find a good and realistic solution for this issue. To say that you don´t need a marriage to live with someone you love is a quite modern point of view at last. For Lillian as a woman it would have been a shame to live and share the bed with a man she isn´t married to. Especially if she would get pregnant. Furthermore I don´t like to read, that Connor just marries like a Christian would do. He´s proud of his culture and has his own faith. So I´m glad you approve. ;) And I really hope that I can reassure you with this chapter._

 ** _To Luthlien:_** _I hope your roommate won´t pronounce you mad or something. :D It would be quite difficult, if Connor would pull a Myriam, wouldn´t it? I mean...there´s no one who could jump and climb through the trees like he does to catch him. ^^_

* * *

 **Is it your free will...?**

"What do you mean by 'He´s missing'?"  
Dumbfounded I stared at Faulkner who was still nervously stepping from one foot onto the other. I had never seen him like that before but right now I was less concerned about his condition. My chest felt as if someone was tightening the corset even more and I terribly had to concentrate on not falling into a hectic breathing. I didn´t notice that Maria had laid an arm around me, as if she wanted to prevent me from falling over.  
"Well, Caleb went to Connor´s room in the inn but he wasn´t there. The uniform, he wanted to wear, was on the bed but completely untouched", Faulkner explained and I saw how worried he was.  
"But somebody has to know, where he is", I said hopeful but Faulkner shook his head.  
"Nobody knows something but a few men are already searching for him. Maybe he´s just...having a walk."  
You could hear that he didn´t believe in his own words. The fact that Connor hadn´t told anybody where he wanted to go, was anything but reassuring.

"Maybe he has changed his mind." The words already left my lips while the thought came to my mind. I had remembered what Connor had told me a year ago. At that time we had been on our way to England and I had asked him, if there was someone at home who meant something to him. He had said that he feared that he couldn´t be a good husband because of his life as an assassin. That he wouldn´t have enough time for a woman. What if he had remembered that?  
"You can´t really believe that." Maria shook her head and Mr. Faulkner wasn´t convinced of my fear either.  
"Even if this is the case, the Captain wouldn´t disappear just like that. He would talk to you. Something must have happened to him."  
"Mr. Faulkner! That´s not helpful!", Maria reprimanded the first mate while I leaned against the wall. I began to feel like I couldn´t breathe. The thought that Connor´s disappearing meant that something had happened to him was so much worse than the imagination that he had walked out on me. I rather could have bore the latter. But what should have happened to him? I had said goodbye to him last night as he had gone to the inn. He even hadn´t...

I gasped, leaped from the wall and pushed myself past Mr. Faulkner and Maria, who gave me surprised looks. I gathered up my skirts and hurried downstairs, crossed the hallway and opened the hidden door to the basement. I almost ran down these stairs, too and stopped dumbfounded in front of the table on the other side of the room. It was empty and now I felt anger boiling up. Before he had left, Connor had promised to me that he would leave his weapons here and won´t touch them before our wedding day was over. I had watched him putting the hidden blade, the tomahawk, the pistol and the bow onto this table. He must have come back sometime to take them.  
"Is everything alright?", I heard Maria´s voice by the staircase and a snort escaped me. Nothing was alright.  
"Obviously he had decided that some fights are more important than his wedding", I said bitterly and turned away from the table to go upstairs, past Maria. There stood Mr. Faulkner and seemed to notice my change of mood with concern. While I had been full of fear before, I just felt angry and disappointed now.  
"Nobody has to look for Connor. He will come back on his own, if he doesn´t get shot, slashed open or whatever", I told him but couldn´t prevent my tears from rising into my eyes.

I sobbed and felt how Maria wrapped her arms around me. Carefully she led me into the kitchen where I shakily sat down on the bench, while the tears ran unstoppably over my cheeks. No matter how angry and disappointed I was, I was likewise concerned. Like always when I knew that Connor was fighting somewhere, but today it was worse. Somehow I had thought that he could forget his sense of duty for just one day.  
"Now calm yourself", Maria said quietly but I shook my head.  
"How am I supposed to calm myself? It´s our wedding day but my future husband prefers to run around, heavily armed and smashing in somebody´s brain in. Apart from the fact that he could be the one who gets his brain smashed in. How is that supposed to calm me? Our friends are waiting for us but he´s not here." My voice had become slightly hysterical which made Maria look even more concerned.  
"I´m sure that he will come soon. He would never walk out on you", she tried to calm me but it seemed like she ignored the fact, that Connor wouldn´t be able to influence that if he was killed, on purpose. But I tried to listen to her anyway because she was right. As long as it was possible, he would do everything to come back in time.  
"But how long shall we wait? What shall we tell the others?", I asked quietly and Maria exchanged a look with Mr. Faulkner who was standing silently in the door.  
"I will go down and tell them that we will delay the ceremony. They will understand it", he said and disappeared through the back door shortly afterwards.

"Do you want to drink something? Is there anything I can do for you?", Maria asked me and laid a hand onto my shoulder. But I shook my head and stood up.  
"I want to be alone. I will go upstairs. Will you stay and tell me if something happens?"  
"Of course." Maria smiled at me and I nodded gratefully, before I left the kitchen and slowly went upstairs into the bedroom. I was still trembling when I sat down at the washstand and buried my face into my hands. My feelings swayed between anger, fear and the hope that Connor would come back and this day was going to have a good ending.

I didn´t know how long I was sitting there and how often I stood up to glance out of the window, down to the path that was leading to the manor. I hoped to see Connor when he came back but the only person who came along was Mr. Faulkner. I heard him entering the house and when I listened into the hallway, I heard him talking to Maria in the kitchen. I could barely understand what he was saying but at least I understood that there was currently no sign of Connor and again I had to fight against my tears. I began to lose every hope and resignedly I loosened the veil from my hair and put it onto the washstand before I lay down onto the bed, facing the wall. I surely didn´t want to sleep but I didn´t feel like I could stay upright either. Therefore I ignored as good as possible, that laying in a corset wasn´t very comfortable. It was terribly stiff and pushed even more against my chest but for now, I didn´t care.

I just lay there but pricked up my ears when I heard steps on the hallway and finally, how the door was opened. First I was sure that it was one of the others, who wanted to look after me. But I winced when I heard Connor saying my name. Immediately I sat up laboriously and turned into his direction. He was standing in the door, wringing his hands and looking at me. I had never seen him so nervous before but I didn´t know how to react. On the one hand I would have approached and embraced him, relived that he was back. But on the other hand I wanted to slap him and shout at him because he had scared me so much. I chose the middle course.  
"Where. Have. You. Been?", I uttered between clenched teeth and at least tried to look at him as reproachful as I possibly could, although I was already crying again. Connor´s steps were hesitant when he came to me, as if he feared that I could really jump up and beat the hell out of him. He came to the bed, pushed the skirt of my dress aside and sat down next to me on the edge of the bed.  
"I am sorry, I..."  
"You should be sorry!", I interrupted him because I couldn´t hold back my pent-up emotions anymore. "Do you know how scared I was? First I thought that you have changed your mind and run away. But when I saw that you have taken your weapons..." My gaze fell onto the hidden blade on his left arm which was resting on his knee.  
"I was afraid that something happens to you because some fights were more important to you than your own wedding. You promised that you wouldn´t touch your weapons until tomorrow. Just one day. You wouldn´t have needed to bear it any longer. One. Goddamn. Day."

Connor endured my words silently and even when I was already finished, he just sat there and stared at his hands which he was kneading tensely. It almost drove me mad that he wasn´t saying anything. I wanted him to explain himself. No matter how angry I was, I wanted to understand him so that I didn´t need to be so angry anymore because I didn´t want to be like that. I wanted to throw my arms around his neck because I was glad to see him unharmed. At least mostly unharmed because when Connor looked at me again, I noticed a small, bleeding wound over his eyebrow which I hadn´t noticed from the distance. Or I had failed to see it on purpose.

"What happened?", I asked, now more calm and reached out my hand for his face, but he grabbed it, before I touched him.  
"It is nothing", he said quietly and kept my hand firmly in his. "I am sorry that I have scared you. I did not mean to do it. I thought I would be back in time without concerning you."  
"But where have you been?"  
The assassin looked down to our hands and stoked with his thumb over the back of my hand, while it seemed like he didn´t want to answer. But he certainly knew that I would insist on it and so he did.  
"Yesterday I walked around a bit because I did not come to rest somehow." He smiled faintly. "Anyhow, I was close to the borders of the homestead when a rider from the surroundings of Concord came to me. You know that I was in Lexington recently?"  
I nodded.  
"There have been attacks on small villages and settlements lately. By now nobody knows who these men are but they are totally unscrupulous. They break into the houses, attack the inhabitants, rob them and even kill their cattle sometimes. Such an attack happened again last night and the man, who had come to me, asked me for help. I know what I have promised to you but I could not send him away."

He looked at me, almost suppliantly and I knew immediately, that I couldn´t have demanded that from him. Connor couldn´t forgive himself if he hadn´t helped and I couldn´t forgive myself if I had hold him back.  
"Could you help them?", I asked quietly.  
"Some of the attackers were already gone when I arrived. There were only three of them but they preferred to fight instead of telling me, to whom they belong."  
He squinched up his face and my gaze slid over the fine blood splatters on his robe. At least I knew the reason for his absence now, but I still felt a bit angry about it and it seemed like Connor felt it, too.  
"I am really sorry that I have scared you but I had to go there", he repeated and looked at me sincerely and although I struggled with the last part of his sentence, I knew that there was nothing I could reproach him for. Except of one, tiny thing maybe.  
"Do you promise that next time, when you have to go somewhere, you will tell at least someone? Only because I want to know where I have to search for you, if you don´t come back. Nobody knew where you have been."  
To my own annoyance I felt how the tears ran over my cheeks again as I remembered the feeling I´d had, when Mr. Faulkner had said that Connor had disappeared without trace. Now he reached out his hand and laid it gently on my wet cheek.  
"As long as it is possible, I promise it." He smiled faintly. "Do you still want to marry me?"

Now my lips curled into a smile, too and I reached out my hand to free his wounded eyebrow from some strands of hair. "Only if you will bring the weapons downstairs, get ready and wait fairly presentable where you should have waited hours ago, before I had a nervous breakdown because of you."  
Connor chuckled. "I can do that."  
He stood up but I reached out an arm for him and stopped him from following my orders immediately.  
"Could you first help me to get up? The corset makes it a bit difficult."  
Connor shook his head smirking, clasped my waist and lifted me gently onto my feet, but insisted on holding me a bit longer and stroking over the noticeable staves of the corset under the dress.  
"Why are you doing this to yourself?"  
"Because a woman has to suffer for her beauty." I grinned slightly while Connor shook his head again and pulled me closer.  
"You are beautiful anyway", he murmured and made me blush.  
"But you can´t know that because you haven´t seen me yet. You will, when I come to the landing stage with Mr. Faulkner."  
Connor smirked and pulled away from me. "So I will hurry up then and get ready, so that it changes quickly."

* * *

Shortly afterwards Maria had rearranged my veil and hair and when Mr. Faulkner came and told us, that everybody was waiting again, my friend went down to the bay. I linked arms with Mr. Faulkner, the bridal bouquet firmly in my hands, and slowly we set off, too. We were silent which came at the right time for me. I was terribly nervous and scratched along the stems of the wild flowers. Suddenly Mr. Faulkner cleared his throat, stopped and freed his arm from mine. Confused I turned towards him and looked into his serious face.  
"Are you really sure, that you want this, lass?", Faulkner asked me and I blinked several times, completely taken by surprise because of his question.  
"Of...of course. Why should I not?"  
Mr. Faulkner sighed and his gaze slid down to the bay, where you could already see our friends, waiting for us to come down this path.  
"Connor is an assassin. He is a fighter, he always was and he won´t be able to change just because you marry him. He will always do everything to return to you but he will not keep his feet still for you."  
"I don´t expect that from him."  
Faulkner looked at me again and his gaze made me even more nervous than I already was.  
"Are you sure? How did you react when you saw that he had left, to do what he thought was right?"  
Shortly I opened my mouth, because I believed to have an answer that could refute his argument, but there was none. I had reacted angry. Very angry.

I lowered my eyes to the flowers in my hands and fought against my conflicting emotions. Those which wanted turn a deaf ear to Faulkner´s words and those which saw the truth in them.  
"I´m just afraid of losing him", I said quietly, almost whispering and heavy hands were laid onto my shoulders.  
"I understand that. But you will have to learn to deal with this fear, if you want to live with him. He´s no settled gentleman who sits over his papers the whole day, returns to the table in the evening and has dinner with you. He´s not such a man and he never will be. You have to accept that, if you really want to marry him."  
He paused and offered his arm to me. "You asked me to hold the ceremony but I cannot take responsibility for it if you´re not certain. Because about him..." He pointed at the bay again. "I know that he´s certain, even though he said that he wouldn´t even need a marriage to have the wish to live with you. So it is on you to decide. Can you accept him like he is, or do you desperately want a settled gentleman?"  
The whole time Faulkner´s voice was totally calm, honest and without any judgement and when I raised my head to look at him, his gaze was friendly and open. He was worried about us both. About Connor and about me and he wanted us to do the right thing. So was it the right thing to marry Connor?

I took a few steps towards the edge of the path, which led directly along the cliff and I looked down to the bay. I could see the landing stage, which led to the Aquila and which was beautifully decorated by Prudence. I could see our friends who had come together there. But above all I could see the figure which was standing upright at the end of the landing stage.  
Connor, who had put on the uniform he was normally wearing as the captain of the Aquila and who obviously had taken off all his weapons. Like I had demanded it. I had wanted it because I had thought that I could make him stop being an assassin for one day. Not always ready to fight. Because I had thought that at least on my wedding day, I could have a normal man by my side. Normal.  
Now that Mr. Faulkner had pointed it out to me, it became painfully aware to me, how stupid I had been. I had met Connor as an assassin, I had travelled with him as an assassin, had fallen in love with him as an assassin. But I had wanted to marry a normal man. Just as normal as I had always learned it. With a regular work which provided safety for me, mainly with regard to finances. The latter wasn´t necessary for me. I had Theresa´s heritage that was providing my financial safety. What I needed was a man I loved and who loved me and such a man was standing down there. I was sure that he was going to be a better man to me than any rich gentleman I could have married. He was giving me so much and the only things I was giving to him, were guidelines of how he should behave and it was wrong. I was afraid of losing him but if I didn´t learn to accept him, it would happen earlier than I wanted it.

I took a deep breath again and felt determination. I wanted this wedding. I wanted Connor, just like he was. Like I had met him and like I had always loved him. For him I wanted to get rid of all my old ways of thinking, like I had already done considering my life in the homestead. Even though it was going to be hard.  
"Could you take these for a moment?", I asked Faulkner all of the sudden and pushed my flowers into his hand which he took with a confused expression. "I´ll be back in a minute."  
I gathered up my skirts and ran back to the house. I stormed through the backdoor, opened the basement and climbed downstairs. On the table were Connor´s weapons. The pistol, the tomahawk, the bow, the hidden blade. I took the latter and ran upstairs again. When I returned to Mr. Faulkner, I was totally breathless but smiled widely at him, when I took the flowers from him and linked arms with him. Smirking Faulkner looked down at the bracer in my other hand.  
"Strange jewellery for a bride."  
"It´s a strange wedding", I replied and Faulkner laughed before he patted my hand and we went on towards the bay.

The nervousness, I had felt before, had given way to a joyful excitement and unconsciously I quickened my steps, as we finally approached the bay and the broad landing stage on which all of our friends had gathered , between them even some crewmembers of the Aquila. Many happy faces were turned towards me but I only had eyes for Connor, who was standing on the other end of the landing stage and awaited us. A faint smile curled his lips but his eyes were shining even more. I could see warmth and love in them, which made me shiver pleasantly and confirmed that I just had made the right decision.

Mr. Faulkner took my hand, when we reached Connor and laid it carefully into Connor´s who immediately enclosed it firmly but gently. Only now he noticed the blade in my other hand and he frowned in confusion for a short moment. But I freed my hand from his grip with a gentle smile, grabbed his left wrist and tied the bracer onto his forearm, without saying a word. As I raised my head and looked at Connor, his eyes were widened and he regarded the weapon which belonged to him like the arm itself that was wearing it.  
"I thought you wanted...", he began, but I shook my head.  
"An assassin is not an assassin without his hidden blade."  
Connor looked at me and his smile became brighter as he put both hands to my cheeks, stepped to me and kissed my forehead gently.

Somebody cleared his throat. "I know that you two like each other, that´s why we´re here. But you asked me to be the spokesman of this wedding and I would appreciate it, if we could start now. I have seen that Oliver has brought an excellent whiskey and I´m already looking forward to it the whole day." Mr Faulkner winked at us grinning and amused laughter sounded from the settlers.  
Connor stroked over my cheek for the last time, before he took my hand again and we turned towards the old sailor, who cleared his throat again.  
"Well, as you all know, I´m not a good speaker and when you asked me, if I could hold the ceremony, I felt a bit nervous at first, because I didn´t know what to say. But you told me that I should think about something, because that this is not a normal wedding should be clear to everyone who sees the Father standing there and secretly enjoying his day off."  
His words caused a new wave of amusement and Father Timothy let a "How true" sound.  
"I have to confess that I still don´t know what to say and that´s why I thought that I will start with the reason why we are here today. The Captain here..." He made a wide gesture towards Connor. "Is, as we all know, a madman. In all those years I am sailing with him, I have experienced a lot. I have seen how he escaped from a burning fort while jumping from a ten metres high cliff. I have experienced how he manoeuvred the Aquila in a way that still makes my hair stand on end. So why shouldn´t he be so insane to marry?"  
He made a short break, smirking and finally pointing at me.  
"I don´t know this lady as good as I know the captain. But a woman who has no idea of sailing and fighting but decides to slip into man´s clothing nevertheless and leads me to believe that she´s a sailor, has to be a sly one. She smuggled herself past experienced sailors and even made me believe that she was a boy. But Lord, this boy must be the worst sailor in history."  
Faulkner winked at me what I answered with a grin. I really had tricked him back then.  
"Despite of all your insanity, you two are like fire and water but I think that this is exactly why you are so suited to each other. How boring it would be, if your partner is just exactly the same. Those differences make a life together more interesting and they complement each other. So never try to abolish them because they define who you are."  
He gave me a short glance and I gave him a grateful smile in return. I had already understood what he wanted to say and unconsciously I squeezed Connor´s hand with these words.

Mr. Faulkner cleared his throat and shrugged his shoulders. "There´s nothing more I have to say, so we should finally come to the important part. You told me that I shouldn´t ask you all these long questions and if this is your wish, I will fulfil it." He smirked and looked at Connor before he continued with a formal voice.  
"Is it your free will, Captain, to marry this charming lady by your side? Do you want to love her, cherish her and have an eye on her, so that she doesn´t sneak on board again, as long as it is your wish?"  
Connor smirked about the last part and I had to suppress a quiet giggle, too. What a canny masterstroke of the old man.  
"Yes, I do", said Connor and gave me a gentle smile.  
"And is it your free will, Lillian, to marry this gentleman by your side? Do you want to love him, cherish him and have an eye on him, so that he stays as unharmed as possible despite of all his madness, as long as it is your wish?"  
"I do."

"Wonderful!" Mr. Faulkner clapped his hands and his gaze wandered to a spot behind us and shortly afterwards I heard the clatter of small hoofs on the wooden landing stage. A glance over my shoulder told me that they belonged to Cherry who was accompanied by a grinning Caleb. The small mare wore different blossoms in her black mane and a basket on her back, out of which Caleb took a wooden box after he had reached us. Full of pride he handed the box over to me and I examined it surprised. I didn´t knew that something like this had been planned. I gave Connor a questioning look but he just nodded at me and so I opened the lock of the box and lifted its lid. The base was covered with a pillow on which lay a ring and a necklace that I quickly recognized as Connor´s. A leather band with originally three bear claws on it. Now the claw in the middle had been replaced by a narrow, silver tube with a filigree "L" engraved on it. The ring next to the necklace was quite small, definitely made for tender female fingers, also made of silver and when I had a closer look at it, I saw that it wore an engraving, too. "R".  
"L" for Lillian, "R" for Ratonhnhaké:ton, the name Connor was born with.

Totally surprised I raised my head and looked at Connor who was smiling contentedly.  
"I thought we didn´t want rings or other kinds of jewellery", I said but Connor grabbed into the box, still smiling and took out the ring.  
"But I thought that we should have something that shows that we belong to each other and that reminds us of each other, when we are separated. A ring would be impractical for me so I decided to choose this variation." He pointed at the necklace.  
"And how did you know that the ring would fit me?"  
"I borrowed one of your rings and gave it to Big Dave. But do not worry, it is already back in your jewel case."  
Connor smirked and took the wooden box from me to hand it over to Caleb. Smiling gently, he grabbed my left hand and lifted the ring in his right. "May I?"  
I nodded smiling and Connor carefully put the ring on my finger. He actually fitted perfectly and I was more than sure that I wouldn´t take this piece of jewellery off so soon.  
I squeezed Connor´s hand gently before I turned towards Caleb and took the necklace out of the box. Connor just wanted to turn around, so that I could put the necklace on him, but I grabbed him by his arm, raised myself on tiptoes and laid my arms over his shoulders. With quick fingers I knotted the ends of the leather band in Connor´s nape without turning my gaze away from his. He had put his hands into my waist and even when I had already put the necklace on him, I kept my hands folded in his nape and didn´t even want to part from him.

Mr. Faulkner cleared his throat again and made us turn at least a part of our attention towards him, still not turning our gazes away from each other.  
"I now pronounce you husband and wife. Allow me to introduce: Mr. and Mrs. Connor Kenway. Captain, you may kiss the bride."  
Connor pulled me closer but he didn´t kiss me. Instead he frowned and gave me a questioning look. "Kenway?"  
I cocked my head because I didn´t understand his question. "Yes, of course. As your wife I´m bearing your surname, or don´t you agree with that?"  
"I just thought that...among my people, the man joins the woman´s clan after the wedding. So theoretically it would mean that I´m bearing your surname."  
I squinched up my face. "Connor Jarvis? Are you sure that you want to bear the surname of a templar?"  
Connor chuckled. "My father was a templar and I do not care about my surname."  
"So...if you say so...I would love to call myself Kenway, if you don´t mind. It also suits you better."  
"It would be an honour, Mrs. Kenway", Connor smirked and finally pulled me closer to capture my lips with his.  
The settlers broke into jubilation and applauded while I didn´t notice anything anymore but only concentrated on the feeling of happiness that was running through my whole body.


	5. Chapter 5

_Hey everyone :)  
_

 _Another chapter. Can´t stop translating at the moment, even though I should keep writing the German version. :D_

 ** _Reviews:_**

 ** _Luthlien:_** _Well, that´s reassuring. And who doesn´t love Connor? ^^ Thank you so much for the compliment. I´m so glad that you enjoy reading._

 _ **MohawkWoman:** Thank you. :) Thinking of the wedding wasn´t so easy but I´m always glad to read that the readers liked it. And yes...I guess you´re right with your supposition about this chapter. ^^  
_

* * *

 **When words aren´t necessary**

Shortly afterwards the wedding celebration was in full swing. Almost all tables and chairs from the inn had been brought to the bay and were arranged to one big table where everybody found a seat at. We sat together like one family and waited excited for the suckling pig to get ready, after Oliver had already hung it over the fire in the morning. In the meantime our friends insisted on giving diverse gifts to Connor and me.  
From his crew and Mr. Faulkner, Connor got a new telescope, so that he always found his way back home. From Prudence and Corrine I got a leather covered book in which they had written down different, detailed recipes for me, so that I couldn´t dodge cooking anymore for one thing and for another thing also couldn´t do something wrong. Apparently.  
The carpenter Lance had built a rocking chair for us and Ellen and Maria had sewed a blanket out of rabbit fur which they had got from Myriam. But the most beautiful gift came from Caleb.

He had taken a slice of wood, that had still the bark and the visible annual rings on it and had lavishly incised our names into it. Connor´s, mine, his and even Cherry´s.  
"I wanted to thank you that we can be with you", he explained sheepishly after I had speechlessly stroked over the wood. Tears of emotion rose into my eyes and I pulled the blonde boy into an embrace and he returned it immediately.  
"You don´t need to thank us", I said quietly, held him a bit away from me and stroked over his cheek. "We´re very happy that you are with us."  
Connor reached out his hand, too and tousled the boy´s hair, what Caleb only allowed under protest. Nevertheless I believed to see a suspicious shine in his eyes.

When the meal was finally ready, we all moved a bit closer together while everyone got his fair share of the meat and the side dished, which Corrine had freshly prepared. Even during the meal there was much chattering and laughter and I asked myself, if I had ever felt so comfortable among other people. I had been on many feasts in the past. Weddings, birthdays, baptisms or only feasts which had been given just because the organizer had felt like it. They all had had their own charm but there had never been such a pleasant atmosphere and I couldn´t do anything else but smile happily, when I looked into the cheerful faces of our friends. Even Connor, who normally wasn´t someone who enjoyed larger companies, wore a satisfied but reserved smile on his face.

After the meal, some of the sailors, who hadn´t had too many glasses of whisky, made their ways to their instruments and shortly afterwards, the bay was filled with cheerful sounds and the shouts of the settlers, that bride and groom should appear for the wedding dance. Grinning I glanced at Connor who only squinched up his face sorrowfully. I knew exactly that he could dance but it definitely didn´t belong to his favourite activities.  
"One dance?" Questioningly I raised a finger and pushed by lower lip forward in a begging manner. Connors gaze wasn´t very enthusiastic but finally he sighed deeply, stood up and grabbed my hand.  
"One!", he emphasized as he led me to the free area close to the small band.  
They began to play a waltz as Connor put his hand into my waist and we started to dance to the rhythm of the music. He was a good dancer, even though he and the other men had been more or less forced to learn it from the women in the homestead. But he was a quick learner, light-footed, controlled and concentrated. The latter made him look more serious than it was necessary. Smirking I took my hand from his shoulder and stroked with my thumb over the corner of his mouth.  
"It´s our wedding, we are surrounded by our friends, had a good meal and now you´re heaving the honour to dance with your newly-wedded wife. Do I get a smile at least? Just a tiny one?" I lifted my hand and held thumb and index-finger close to each other. Actually the corners of Connor´s mouth rose as he shook his head slightly.  
"You are unbearable sometimes", he grumbled, what I just noted with a grin.

By now other couples had come to the improvised dance floor and when the music changed, Connor stopped, laid both hands into my waist and murmured: "Am I dismissed?"  
I chuckled and hand in hand we went back to the table where we were stopped by Big Dave, Davenport´s blacksmith.  
"May I ask for the honour to dance with the bride?", he asked smirking and as soon as Connor had nodded, Dave had grabbed my hand and pulled me back to the dance floor. I laughed as he laid his large hand into my waist and began to whirl me around to the rhythm of a fast polka. Soon I noticed that a corset wasn´t made for this kind of dance but I didn´t care. We were several couples on the dance floor and over and over again the men changed their partner, so that I regularly danced with someone else. It was a joyful company that quickly made me lose my breath. Sometime I could only apologize and gasping dragged myself back to Connor.

He sat silently at the table, his elbows propped up, the hands folded and placed against his lips while he listened to the conversation of Dr. White, Lance and Father Timothy. When he saw me coming nearer, he loosened his posture and a warm smile appeared on his lips that made my heart skip a beat. Still breathless I sank down on the chair next to him, grabbed my glass, filled it with fresh water and emptied it in slow gulps. Slowly my breathing returned to normal again and I closed my eyes for a moment, as a cool breeze came from the sea. The sun was already setting and the former red sky got darker. The day drew to a close and I was almost sad about it.

A light pull at my hair made me open my eyes and I looked at Connor who was holding my veil in his hand, a smirk on his lips.  
"You almost lost it."  
I chuckled and took the delicate piece of lace that had decorated my head before, but it really didn´t survive the polka. As well as my hair style, which had been done by Maria with so much effort. Some of the pinned strands had loosened and fell into my face, so that I had been forced to push them behind my ear during the dance. Now they were a welcomed occupation for Connor who let them slid through his fingers, or pulled gently at them, only to watch fascinated how they jumped back into their former, curly form.  
"Do you enjoy yourself?", I asked and propped my head onto my hand while I watched Connor´s playing around. But he didn´t let himself be swayed but just smirked without stopping his activity. I clicked my tongue, grabbed his hand, stood up and pulled him onto his feet. He looked at me in confusion but I just led him away from the table, past our dancing friends, over the landing stage and onto the Aquila, where I sat down on the stairs to the wheel and pulled him next to me.  
Instantly he wrapped an arm around me and I leaned my head against his shoulder. We were surrounded by a wonderful silence because the music and voices were only a quiet sound in the background, drowned out by the gentle roaring of the sea that lightly rocked the ship back and forth.

"Do you not want to be with the others?", Connor murmured into my hair but I shook my head.  
"I thought we could allow ourselves a break." Basically I knew that Connor liked to be reserved in company and maybe even didn´t really enjoy them. Because I had also felt the need to have a break, I had brought him here. Away from the others but still close enough to go back again, if we felt like it. Right now I just wanted to enjoy his closeness and I sighed quietly as he pulled me closer and I could wrap my arms around his torso. With the disappearance of the sun, the air had become cooler but in Connor´s arms, it was still pleasantly warm.  
"Was everything like you imagined it?"  
Connor´s question made me frown shortly. "Yes, but what about you?" I raised my head to look at him. "It isn´t only my wedding after all."  
Connor´s hand stroked over my cheek and played with one of my curls before he said: "The only thing I needed for this day sits right next to me and looks at me, as if she is expecting something bad."  
Motionless I stared at him, before I chuckled and lowered my eyes, almost embarrassed. Basically I couldn´t have expected a different answer. Connor hadn´t been very demanding of our wedding, except of the ceremony itself.

Gently I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer for a kiss. Connor buried his right hand into my hair while the left one rested on my back. Suddenly I felt a prickle that spread through my whole body and that I had never felt before. It sent a shiver down my spine, especially as Connor´s hand disappeared from my hair and his fingertips brushed over my nape, my neck and finally my collar bone. I sighed against his lips and had to break the kiss to calm my fickle breathing. Connor leaned his forehead against my mine, totally calm but I thought that his breathing was heavier than before, too.  
"Shall we go?", I asked quietly and felt how I blushed. In the faint light of the lamp next to the cabin´s door, his face lay partly in the shadows but I saw the short insecurity in his eyes. But it quickly disappeared again and when he stood up, he also pulled me gently onto my feet. Silently we intertwined our fingers and left the Aquila. In the meantime most of the settlers had sat down again, chattered, laughed and drank. We stayed at a distance of their company when we headed towards the manor and I didn´t know if they even noticed that we were leaving. But after all it was on the groom and the bride to decide when they wanted to leave their wedding and so I wasn´t concerned about the etiquette. I also didn´t need to worry about Caleb because he would go with Terry, Diana and their son today. So Connor and I were undisturbed.

When we reached the house, I instantly wanted to go upstairs but Connor held me back.  
"Would you mind, if I..." He hesitated and looked at some spot on the wall, over my shoulder.  
"...if I go downstairs. I want to...put the weapons away."  
Confused I frowned while he still couldn´t look at me. Was he nervous or didn´t he want to...? I was totally insecure but nodded hesitantly.  
"No, do it", I said, my voice nothing more than a whisper. I stayed where I was as Connor went down the hallway and I heard the basement´s door and his steps on the stairs shortly afterwards.  
Slowly I climbed upstairs and as I went into the bedroom, I instantly sat down at the washstand. My hands folded in my lap, I looked into my eyes through the mirror and tried to hold back the nervousness that was spreading inside of me. I didn´t even know if it was an anxious or cheerful kind of nervousness. It was just there because Connor´s reaction had completely unsettled me. When I had lain in his arms, I had felt the desire to be finally alone with him. But did he want that, too?  
I took a deep breath before I began to loosen the pins from my hair with shaking hands. I took more time with that than it was necessary but I needed something to occupy myself. When I had freed my hair from every kind of jewellery, I grabbed the brush and pulled it through my curls with slow movements. I felt how I became a bit calmer at least but it ended abruptly, when I heard Connor´s steps on the staircase.

They were slow, as if he was delaying his way here and they completely died away for a moment, as he reached the closed door. I stopped brushing my hair and listened into the silence, thinking that he certainly could hear my heartbeat. The door opened agonisingly slow and Connor stepped in. He had taken off his bracer and coat, his gaze slid over my loose hair and finally stopped on my face. I put the brush back onto the washstand, stood up and approached him, without taking my eyes away from his.  
As I stopped in front of Connor, I took his hands into mine, stretched and kissed him tenderly. It was also a careful kiss, as if our lips were meeting for the first time. But it brought back this feeling that had left me minutes ago. The insecurity was still there, but the nervousness was almost entirely gone.  
"I love you, Connor", I whispered against his lips and a smile flitted across his face.  
"I love you, too, Lillian." He freed his hands from my grip and laid them into my waist, pulled me closer and we kissed again. But this time the kiss was less cautious. It was more sensual, demanding and a sigh escaped me as Connor broke the kiss and his lips brushed over my cheek, my chin and finally the crook of my neck. With closed eyes I leaned my head aside when he stroked my hair from my shoulders and kissed gently along my neck. All of his touches called back this prickle, I had felt on the Aquila, but this time it was much stronger.

While Connor was caressing my neck, I let my hands roam over his torso and began to open his shirt. Slowly, button after button. I was surprised myself how calm and determined my hands were because my eyes were still closed. But I opened them as I pushed the shirt from Connor´s shoulders and he pulled away from me. His breathing was irregular, almost trembling, as I placed my hands onto his bare chest and stroked carefully with my fingertips over his bronze-coloured skin. It wasn´t the first time that I was touching him, but it was the first time that I did it without hesitation. My fingertips felt every centimetre of his skin, every muscle group, from his arm, to his shoulders, over the chest and finally his belly. Connor stood motionless, his eyes closed. But he took a hissing breath when my hand stopped over the uneven scar on his right side. A wooden stake had bored into his flesh some years ago. It had happened when he had chased a templar called Charles Lee through a scaffolding that had collapsed. The wound had taken a lot of time to heal and the scar proved that.

Connor grabbed my wrist. "Please not, Lillian. You do not have to do this to yourself", he said in a husky voice but I shook my head with determination.  
"These scars belong to you. Each one of them. This one..." I freed my hand from his grip and touched the scar on his side again. "...and these..." My fingers brushed the different small scars on his torso. "...and also these." Now my hand had moved to his back and I stroked lightly over the four bumps which weren´t this old. Four strokes with a whip, only because a templar had wanted to know from Connor, where a particular Piece of Eden was and the resulting injuries had almost caused Connor´s death by a fever.  
"They all belong to you and I love everything about you."  
Silently Connor looked deeply into my eyes before he pulled me against him again and caught my lips in a passionate kiss. He buried his hand into my hair while the other slid over my side. Obviously searching for a way to open my dress and I had to chuckle as he uttered a frustrated growl when he didn´t find it.  
"Welcome to the complicated world of a lady", I said laughing and led his hands to my waist, where the robe of my dress was pinned at the bodice. I noticed in amusement, how confused he was to feel the small metal stays which held everything in place. I assisted him with loosening them, took off the robe and loosened the bodice that was pinned at the corset. Connor found and loosened the laces of the skirt on his own but his eyebrows arched as he saw, that I was wearing another skirt and a crinoline beneath it.  
"Why...that must last an eternity to put all these on." He reached out his hand and stroked over the bracings of the crinoline. "Is it not uncomfortable?"  
I shrugged my shoulders. "You get used to it." I smirked and took off the crinoline and its overskirt. I only wore my shift and the corset beneath it and that seemed to be of relief to Connor. I laughed inwardly. To unwrap me obviously wasn´t as easy as he had hoped it would be.  
At least he smirked as he noticed my amused gaze and pulled me closer to kiss me again. I totally lost myself in the kiss and uttered a surprised gasp, when the tightness of the corset vanished all of the sudden and Connor pulled it from my body to drop it to the floor. How had he...?

He didn´t give me the opportunity to think further because he lifted me onto his arms without warning and carried me to the bed where he laid me down gently. My heart fell into an irregular rhythm as he bent over me and covered my neck with kisses like he had done before. Agonisingly slow his lips made their way from the hollow underneath my ear, to my shoulders, my collar bone and finally to my décolleté, while his hands stroked over my sides to my hips.  
Even though my breathing wasn´t under my control anymore, I enjoyed it and was almost disappointed when he lifted his head again and looked into my eyes. His gaze was insecure.  
"May I?", he asked and I understood what he meant by it. He wanted to know if he was allowed to free me from my last piece of clothing. My own insecurity came back but I nodded shakily.

Connor´s lips gently returned to mine as he pushed the skirt of my shift up and pulled it over my head with my assistance. I was now laying in front of him like God had made me and all my sense of shame came back in an instant, together with the fear that he could dislike what he saw. But instead of sitting up to look me over, as I had almost expected it, Connor just stayed and kept looking into my eyes. A loving smile appeared on his lips when he noticed my fear. He bent down and leaned his forehead against mine.  
"Lillian, I have to confess something to you", he said quietly and I blinked in confusion. What was that about?  
"Lillian, I...have never been with a woman before."  
He lifted his head and looked at me as if he wanted to catch my reaction. It was surprise at first.  
"But why?"  
Connor chuckled. "You know me. I do not let anyone come closer to me and there has never been a woman who had made me feel such a desire."  
He grabbed one of my strands of hair and let it slide through his fingers, while he was still looking at me. I didn´t need to ask for a reason when I saw the love in his eyes. There had never been a woman, except of me. This thought made my heart beat faster. It was a feeling of happiness that was driving away all the fear and shame. I smiled and stroked his cheek.  
"So that comes to your mind when I´m laying naked in front of you?"  
He smirked. "It needed to be said."  
"Can we stop talking then?"

Another chuckle before his lips met mine again. We lost ourselves in a passionate kiss while Connor let his hand roam over my neck, follow my collar bone and finally laid it carefully and gently over my breast. I gasped with the touch and the gasp became a quiet moan, as Connor replaced his hand with his lips and caressed the sensitive peak of my breast. He stopped for a moment after my reaction but then his fingers brushed one breast while his lips touched the other again.  
I hadn´t expected that he could cause such emotions inside of with that. A prickle that spread everywhere, quickened my breath and made me close my eyes in pleasure at the same time. Connor´s hands brushed my breasts for a last time before his lips wandered further down my body. They stroked over the sensitive skin of my belly and I took a deep breath as they kissed the fine scar over my navel. The memory of the fact that I actually hadn´t been allowed to experience this. I would have died of a bullet wound if Connor hadn´t saved me with a Piece of Eden, the Shroud. That was the only reason why I was allowed to enjoy his tender touches now, which moved up my belly and finally stopped at my lips.

Now I was the one who let her hands roam. But I had a certain aim. With my fingertips I brushed along the waistband of his trousers and coaxed a quiet moan of him with this touch alone. One gaze, a gentle kiss and Connor took off the last piece of his clothing. His hands slid to my hips and he pulled away from my lips.  
"Will I hurt you?", he asked in a husky voice.  
I nodded slowly. "But it will be alright."  
I buried my hands in his nape and pulled him down for a kiss. But this kiss was soon over, as Connor entered me carefully. A short, sharp pain made me wince and I bit onto my lower lip to suppress a gasp. I tensed unintentionally and Connor stayed motionless, his worried gaze directed at my face. Trembling I breathed in and tried to relax. The pain was already gone and had given way to an unfamiliar but not unpleasant feeling.

I caught Connor´s gaze and smiled before I wrapped my legs around his hip and made him lower his pelvis. We both moaned and my hands wandered from Connor´s nape to his back, as he began to move slowly. He was careful, as if he was afraid of hurting me again, but he didn´t.  
As I began to move with him and we found a mutual rhythm, it simply was an indescribable feeling. To feel him, his skin on mine and under my fingertips. His hands stroking along my hips. His lips caressing my neck and the way he was looking at me from time to time. Shrouded by his own desire but full of love at the same time. All these different feelings gathered to one single stream of emotions that flowed through me after a short time. My quiet scream was muffled by Connor´s lips before he also found his release with a guttural moan.  
We remained in a tight embrace and enjoyed this feeling of closeness and affection which we certainly didn´t feel for the last time tonight.


	6. Chapter 6

_Hey there ^^  
_

 _Here´s chapter no. 6. Enjoy._

 ** _Reviews:_**

 ** _Luthlien:_** _I´m glad you liked the scene. :) It was the very first lemon I wrote and I still know how hard it was to find the right words. And you don´t have to thank me. It´s my pleasure._

 _ **MohawkWoman:** At first I was a bit "shocked" by your review, just because my English skills deserted me for a moment and I didn´t know the word "engrossed". I thought it had something to to with "gross" and thought you meant the wedding night. Luckily I was relieved quickly and I´m really happy to read that you liked the chapter so much. :) And thank you for the inforamtion about the custom of men abstaining from sex before battle. I never heard about it before and I think it´s an interesting way of looking at Connor being a virign. I always saw it like you said it yourself. That he never had the time for a woman and that he also isn´t a man for a love affair. I think that he needs to trust someone, before even thinking about a closer relationship and that he would only want to have intercourse with a woman he truly loves. _

* * *

**Insolences and displeasure**

When I woke up the next morning, I saw myself in front of a sleeping Connor. His relaxed face turned towards me, he was laying on his belly and had bedded his head on his arms, while some dark strands of hair had fallen into his face. A sight that made me smile dreamily. I really had married this man and was allowed to wake up with him every morning from now on, for the rest of our life. How had I earned this luck?  
Slowly I reached out my hand and gently brushed the strands of hair from Connor´s face. The corners of his mouth twitched and his eyelids fluttered for a moment but then he remained still. I smirked. Normally Connor was a light sleeper. Even the tiniest sound woke him up and also now, I was entirely sure that my touch had wakened him at the latest and that he pretended to be asleep now.  
 _If you want to play this game..._

A faint grin curled my lips as I moved closer to him, slightly sat up and stroked with my fingertips over his arm at first. Over his forearm, up to his biceps, that twitched shortly under the touch and I asked myself if Connor was ticklish. So I let my fingertips slide down his arm before stroking them up to his shoulder again. A twitch again. I had to suppress a chuckle as I saw how Connor pinched up his lips for a second. He definitely was awake but still tried to convince me of the opposite. But that was fine with me.

I finally sat up and let both hands stroke over his shoulders and into his nape where I tickled his hairline shortly before my hands slid downwards and pushed the blanket down to his hips. I noticed with satisfaction how a shiver ran through Connor´s body but he still kept his eyes closed. I bent down and placed a kiss into his nape, then one on each shoulder blade before I kissed a trail down his back, but stopped over his scars. My fingertips touched the light bumps and followed their way from his right shoulder blade, diagonally down to his left hip. My lips followed this path but I stopped between each of my gentle kisses and waited for a reaction. At least he already hadn´t wanted me to touch his scars yesterday.

But Connor stayed totally calm even though I felt exactly that his breath had quickened. I stopped my caresses and kissed his nape again while my hands stroked along his sides. I looked into his face, as they disappeared underneath the blanket and stopped on his hipbone. Connor took a deep breath and a tensed expression appeared on his face. Did he still not want to give up his charade? My hands moved up again, teasingly slow and my fingertips drew small circles which found their way back to his hips and finally his buttocks.

"What is that supposed to be once you are finished?", Connor mumbled, his face still half buried inside his arms, eyes closed.  
"What do you mean?" My fingertips stroked lightly over his bottom, over his hipbone and sides again and I smiled innocently, as Connor opened his brown eyes. There was a sparkle in them that made me grin mischievously.  
While he was just looking at me, I still led my hands roam over his backside. But before I was able to react, Connor had turned to his side, grabbed my waist and pulled me next to him onto the mattress. A surprised sound escaped my lips when he suddenly lay over me and grinned at me.  
"Why do you not let my sleep?", he asked and got his revenge for my wake-up call while stroking over my sides.  
"You didn´t sleep anymore." I laughed and squealed quietly as he pinched my waist.  
"But you cannot claim that you did not take advantage of it."  
His comment made me grin and I fluttered my eyelashes innocently. "But you didn´t stop me either."  
A smirk, before Connor bent down and kissed my lips. Instantly I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me. The time could stop now and I wouldn´t mind because I wanted to savour every single second in his arms. I never wanted to part from him again and leave this bed because being with him was too beautiful.

That was why I uttered a protestant sound, when Connor broke the kiss and put his lips to my forehead instead. "We should get up", he murmured and earned an almost shocked gaze for that.  
"No!", I replied almost defiantly and kept his nape in a firm embrace.  
Connor smirked. "The sun is up already. I am sure it is midday by now."  
"So what?", I grumbled but just made Connor cock his head and look at me in amusement.  
"So we shall stay here in bed when Caleb comes home? Are you sure?"  
Damn it. I totally had forgotten Caleb. First of all we couldn´t leave him to his own devices and I also doubted that he would not expect us to be up already, when he came home. He neither needed to find us naked in bed.  
"Fine", I grumbled and Connor stole another kiss from me before he pulled away gently, pushed the blanket back and stood up. Still grumbling I snuggled up in his pillow and watched him taking fresh clothes from the closet and putting them on. Such a shame.  
With a theatrical sigh, I stood up, too while Connor was already slipping into his shoes and he chuckled, as I past him, markedly slowly and hip-wiggling, before I also opened the closet and slipped into a shift. He stepped behind me, put his hands to my hips and gave a gentle kiss to my hair.  
"I will make breakfast", he told me before he left the room.  
 _Reality, we´re back._

* * *

Actually the reality had taken over control very soon because as much as I would like it sometimes: Our duties and responsibilities didn´t spare us. I still had to run a household, worked in the inn and Connor was more and more frequently in the frontier or in Boston. He hoped to find out who was responsible for the attacks on the small villages, but nothing had happened since the night before our wedding. Connor came back empty-handed every night and I felt how frustrated he was because of it. I tried to cheer him up while telling him that the gang might have left already, but it only worked slightly.

One week later he luckily stopped to think about the incidents. His mood got better, too and that wasn´t only to my advantage. Connor and Caleb often met in front of the stabled and built an own bow for the boy out of a piece of wood. Caleb was totally excited about it and even though I was glad for him, I still didn´t feel well with the thought, that he was supposed to learn the handling of this weapon. But I couldn´t do anything else but trusting Connor´s opinion and so I watched them with a laughing and a crying eye.

They needed four days until the bow was finished and so, one morning, I heard Caleb´s excited voice as I went downstairs to the kitchen. There the two of them sat at the table, had pushed their dishes aside and regarded their work that was laying diagonally on the table. I squinched up my face but put on a neutral face as Caleb beamed at me.  
"Look, Lillian!" He pointed at the bow. "Isn´t it great? It´s really stable like Connor´s. But it fits better to my size and Connor says that I will be a really good bowman soon."  
"If you practise", the assassin added with a smirk while I grabbed past them for their dishes.  
"Great", was my half-hearted reply and I dropped the dishes into the dishpan. "But I would appreciate it, if you wouldn´t spread your things and especially weapons all over the kitchen table."  
Caleb took his bow from the table grumbling, when I turned around, while Connor gave me a frowning look. But no matter how much acceptance and sympathy I wanted to summon up, the collection of weapons in the basement was enough for me. I didn´t need them in the kitchen, too. But as I saw how Caleb plucked at the bowstring with a grim expression, my own expression became lenient again. "I´m sure, if you try hard, you´re going to shoot more game than Connor and Myriam together."

My words brought back the beaming into Caleb´s face and he excitedly leaped onto his feet.  
"Can we go then?", he asked Connor and he nodded shortly.  
"Go ahead. I will come in minute."  
Caleb hung the bow over his shoulder and had disappeared through the back door shortly afterwards, without saying goodbye.  
"Where do you want to go?", I asked in confusion while Connor was still sitting at the table and looked at me.  
"Into the forest, down the river. There is a small glade where I wanted to start practicing with him."  
"Practicing on what?"  
"On trees." Connor raised an eyebrow smirking. "Or did you think I would let him shoot at everything that moves? After all I am going to go into the forest with him on purpose, so that nobody gets harmed."  
"Of course not", I grumbled and put the water filled zinc jug onto the fire. Of course I hadn´t expected that Connor would let Caleb shoot at living creatures. At least not yet. If Caleb wants to go hunting sometime, I would let him. I just hoped that this hunt was restricted on animals then and that the boy wasn´t forced to use the weapon against men, like Connor was.

He had stood up by now and pulled me against him. "You still do not want me to teach him, do you not?", he asked and I uttered a deep sigh.  
"You know my opinion about that. It´s enough that one person in this house is running around armed." I put a hand on the tomahawk on his side and my fingertips stroked over the cold metal. "He admires you and what happens, when he had learned archery? Will he borrow your hidden blade then and wants to become an assassin?"  
Connor grabbed my hands and led them to his chest, away from his belt.  
"Don´t think about it", he said seriously. "I will take care of him."  
I didn´t know if this was a satisfying answer regarding to my concerns, but I nodded anyway and Connor kissed my forehead. "We will be back in the afternoon, alright?"  
I nodded again and shortly afterwards, the door had closed behind Connor.

After I´d had breakfast and had tidied up the kitchen, I left the house, too and went to the inn. Like always the homestead was full of life already and I smiled widely as I met Maria on her way to the tailor´s.  
"Good morning", I greeted her and my friend hugged me as we reached each other.  
"Good morning, Mrs. Kenway. How´s the married life going?"  
She always asked me this question when we met, always grinning. I wasn´t really sure what she wanted to achieve with it or which answer she was expecting. I just rolled my eyes laughing and answered like always: "It´s liveable."  
"Oh, I believe that." Maria smirked. "By the way, I want to drive to Boston tomorrow. I have to collect some fabrics and thought I ask, if I could borrow your carriage. Maybe you want to come with me? It´s been a while since you have been outside Davenport."  
She cocked her head and gave me a questioning look. Since our arrival in the Homestead, I really had visited Boston only once and the thought of strolling through the city again was more than appealing.  
"Yes, sure", I answered and smiled. "But I have to check if the carriage is still roadworthy. It´s already inside the barn for an eternity. But I think we can manage that."  
Maria clapped her hands. "Well then." She hugged me. "Just in case we don´t see each other again, I will come by tomorrow morning. Alright?"  
I nodded smiling and we said goodbye to each other.

My way led me further to the inn and when I entered, I was directly greeted by Corrine, who was just wiping the tables.  
"Everybody´s gone already?", I asked as my gaze roamed through the empty room. Corrine nodded smirking. "You missed the first run, darling. But you can do the dishes if you want to."  
A theatrical sigh escaped my lips before I went into the kitchen and filled a big pot with water, heated it and poured it into a zinc tub. I attended to the dishes with enthusiasm and got the inn keeper´s support shortly afterwards. Chatting we worked hand in hand until we heard that the inn was entered. "I´ll go", I told Corrine, put the dishcloth aside and wiped my hands dry at my apron, while I went to the dining area. There stood a group of five men, all of them looking around in the room. I had never seen them here before but wasn´t surprised. Strangers, who were on their journey through to Boston or another town in the surrounding area, came here often and these men looked like they already had a long travel behind them. Their boots were dirty as well as their coats. The bags over their shoulders were bulging and they carried weapons with them. Pistols, rifles and daggers. I couldn´t guess if they were peacefully minded or if you had to be afraid of them but for now, I had to treat them with hospitality anyway.

"Can I help you, gentlemen?", I asked and stopped at the bar. Five pairs of eyes turned to me immediately and a young man stepped forward, certainly their leader, regarding to his confident appearance. His leather coat slapped against the legs of his boots as he approached me with a bright smile and took off his hat.  
"Well, I hope so, pretty lady." He stopped in front of me and looked me over, while I tried to keep my own smile upright. Actually I was used to it that guests from outside the homestead let their charm offensive – sometimes with more, sometimes with less charm – pour down on me. I always tried to smile it away with polite ignorance. Like I did now, as the man bowed his head in an apparent deference and pointed at his companions.  
"My friends and I are on the journey through. It´s early in the day but we travelled the whole night and hoped that we could get rooms here."  
My gaze wandered to the other men who were only standing silently in the middle of the room and stared back. Who travels through the frontier at night? Not so long ago there had been wolves and bears in the direct environment of the homestead and only a few miles westwards you could still meet cougars and lynxes. Such meetings weren´t desirable in the daytime and they certainly weren´t desirable at night. No matter if you were armed or not. But what did I know? Probably Connor would still wander through the forests at night, too.

"I will go and ask the innkeeper", I said and went back into the kitchen were Corrine was just clearing the dished away.  
"There are five gentlemen asking for accommodation."  
The innkeeper lifted her head and nodded slowly. "For how long?"  
"They say, they have been on the road the whole night. Because they´re on their journey through, I guess until tomorrow at the latest."  
Corrine wiped her hands at her apron and adjusted her bonnet before she went past me into the dining area. I followed her closely.  
"So the gentlemen asked for rooms? Until tomorrow?", she asked friendly and the man, I had already talked to, nodded.  
"We will set off tomorrow. But we thought we allow ourselves a day of relaxation and I think we´re in the right place for that." His gaze slid to me and his smile became wider. That was going to be an interesting day.  
"Of course." Corrine´s kindness was unwavering. "Unfortunately I can only offer you bread, ham and cheese at the moment. A warm meal will be served in the evening."  
"We don´t mind." The man nodded at her. "We´re satisfied when we can get a good Ale."  
"That isn´t possible at the moment either but I would like to bring you something to eat, gentlemen. Lillian, would you prepare the rooms?"  
I nodded and was relieved as I could leave the dining area. This blunt wannabe charm was just too antipathetic to me and I hoped, that I didn´t need to bare it too often and for too long. I twisted the wedding ring on my finger while going upstairs to the guestrooms and smirked.  
 _Maybe I only have to show this and I will have my peace and quiet._

I took the duvet covers and sheets out of a cupboard in the hallway and began to make the beds in each room. I opened the windows, plumped up the pillows and blankets and checked, if the rooms were clean in general. Corrine put a high value on keeping the rooms as clean as possible for the guests and I was more than willing to follow this maxim. I probably wouldn´t want to sleep in a dirty dive either.  
When I was finished, I went back into the dining area and led the five men, who had eaten something by now, to their rooms. Their leader was the last I led to his door and after he had stepped inside and had had a short look around, he turned around and made an inviting gesture towards the room.  
"I wouldn´t be averse to having some company. Resting together is always more pleasant."  
My eyebrows arched. I had thought he was just blunt, but now he was impudent.  
"Then you are in the wrong establishment", I replied sharply and only made him grin.  
"Oh, I wouldn´t have paid but just hoped for voluntariness."  
"You can wait long for that. I wish you a good rest." I turned away and went back to the staircase, while I heard him laughing behind me and calling: "Just in case that you change your mind, you know where to find me. Name´s Nathan, by the way."  
I just hoped that he and his friends were going to sleep the rest of the day and that I wouldn´t see them again before their departure.

* * *

The five gentlemen really didn´t show up for now and so I could do my work without disturbances. I swept the dining area, helped to make the beverage barrels ready for the evening and also prepared the vegetables for the stew which Corrine wanted to cook later on. Everything was like always and as the inn filled with settlers and sailors, who wanted to end the day here in pleasant company, in the early evening, I took care of serving the drinks with joy. It was always a pleasure to have a chat and a joke here and there. Everybody was understandably in a very good mood, after all the work was done and of course the Ale helped with it, too. Nevertheless it was always a pleasant atmosphere and if somebody had one over the eight and behaved inappropriate, he was accompanied home by some friendly arms. I enjoyed these evenings in the inn but today my mood sank, as I went with a jug of Ale through the dining area and reached a table in a corner of the room.

There sat our five new guests and their oh so charming leader gave me a wide grin when I approached them.  
"Do we get something to drink?", he asked and I nodded shortly before I put down the jug, went to the bar and returned with five tankards which I filled.  
"Thank you, beautiful." He raised his tankard to me before he put it to his lips. I kept every reply to myself but then I irritatingly remembered that these men were guests and I had to be friendly and polite. No matter how hard it was. So I put on a smile as I asked: "I trust the gentlemen had a good rest?"  
The four others nodded simultaneously and I began to ask myself, if they were able to talk at all. Again it was Nathan, who answered.  
"Very good. Although I have to confess that I´ve missed something warm and soft by my side." He grinned suggestively and I had to suppress the urge to pour the remaining beer in the jug over his head. As a woman I already had to endure many things like that but never before, a man had been so persistent and impudent in his "amorous" intentions.

I looked at him irritated but I didn´t say anything. I just grabbed the handle of the jug in my hand firmer than it was necessary and turned away to attend to my work again. But I couldn´t do it entirely. Over and over again I was called to the table in the corner to refill their tankards and every time I received some doubtful compliment which I couldn´t throw out with open reluctance sometime. It seemed as if every snub was goading Nathan on and it became worse with every Ale he had. Also his comrades had had a few and began to grin or to laugh when their leader emitted one of his sayings. I even had been asked by Terry, Godfrey and some sailors, if I wanted them to do something about Nathan, but I always said no. As I did when Corrine offered to take on the serving. I didn´t plan to let myself be intimidated by some stupid sayings. At least I still thought so as I returned to the table again.

The mood there was more than tipsy and when I was asked to refill again, I shook my head. "I thought you´ve had enough."  
Nathan´s initial laughter died away and he ran his hand over his face before he nodded at the jug in my hand. "That´s on us to decide, beautiful. So, if you would be so kind..."  
He held his tankard to me but I shook my head again and turned away. But suddenly I was grabbed by my hips and pulled back. Before I could react, I sat on Nathan´s lap who immediately wrapped his arms around me and held me like that, as I tried to stand up again, swearing and cursing.  
"Whoops, why so weak on your legs? Good that I´ve caught you, isn´t it?", asked Nathan, grinning dirtily and the other men laughed, too.  
"Let me go! Now!", I hissed and tried to ram my elbow into his chest. But his grab was so strong, that I couldn´t even manage that.  
"Why do you want to go? I think it´s quite cosy right now", Nathan murmured to me with a chuckle and I squinched up my face when I smelled his beery breath. But luckily three men appeared in front of the table at this moment. The two lumberjacks Terry and Godfrey and a crewmember of the Aquila, called Finley.  
"I think you´ve heard what the lady said." Godfrey had folded his arms in front of his chest like the others and gave Nathan a cold, but threatening gaze.  
He didn´t react immediately but finally freed me from his grip and I instantly leaped onto my feet, just to be pulled "into safety" by Terry. In the meantime Nathan´s men had risen from their chairs while their leader himself was still sprawling on his seat.  
"I was just joking. Isn´t it understandable that you try to take up with a girl after having some ale?" He folded his hands in front of his belly, cocked his head and looked at the three men in front of him.  
"You better open your eyes and pay attention with whom you want to take up. The lady is married and as the Captain´s wife taboo anyway, understand?", Finley replied.  
But Nathan just laughed over his words and looked at me. "Well, I hoped that this ring there is only pretty jewellery." He looked at Finley. "Maybe your Captain should take care of his wifey. I believed she had given me clear signals. Didn´t she?"  
Widely grinning he looked at his comrades who started to laugh. But they were the only ones who found this statement amusing.

Finley took a threatening step towards Nathan, who stood up now, no sign of a grin on his face anymore. While the two men put on a silent duel with their gazes, Nathan´s comrades stepped behind him and made Terry and Godfrey step forward, too. Several chairs were also moved back when other sailors stood up and seriously looked into our direction. A paralyzing silence spread inside the room in which my gaze slid back and forth between Finley and Nathan. Oh god, shouldn´t I be able to defend myself? I just opened my mouth to intervene, but Oliver already stepped between the two squabblers.  
"Stop it!", he barked. "I don´t want such quarrels here and especially not such a behaviour in front of the ladies." His gaze was only aimed at Nathan now. "Either it is peaceful now, or you can pack your things together and leave."  
Nobody said anything for a moment but then Nathan grinned widely again and lifted his hands.  
"All right, all right. We surely don´t want any trouble. I think we will retire now."  
He gave a signal to his men and gave me a last meaningful grin. "Good night, beautiful. Send your husband my regards."  
 _Certainly not._  
Grim gazes followed the five gentlemen until they had finally disappeared to their rooms. Not until then I allowed myself to take a deep breath. "Thank you", I said and gave my "saviours" a smile. But they shook their heads.  
"You don´t have to thank us for that", said Terry and Oliver put his hand onto my shoulder.  
"Do you want to go home?"  
I gave him an almost indignant gaze and shook my head. "I will stay. Corrine needs my help anyway", I said determined and saw Oliver smirking before I went to the kitchen.

There I was directly received by a worried Corrine who had noticed everything from the kitchen door and who asked me several times, if I was alright. I had to chuckle about her concerns and reassured her. Nathan had scared me but luckily I had enough friends here who had helped me and as I said that, the innkeeper nodded with a smile.  
"But I feel sorry for you anyway", she said and patted my arm. "I still remember what I always had listened to in my youth. Some men believe that they can bag women like fair game. Bu these years are over for me already."  
She laughed amused and I shook my head smirking. "You´re just surrounded by men with the wrong taste."  
Corrine uttered a giggle while she patted my arm again. "Thank you for trying to cheer up an old woman."

* * *

Luckily the rest of the evening was quiet and without any other disturbances and I felt glad somehow, as I left the inn and went home. The sun had set already and long shadows roamed over the paths of the homestead while a cool breeze of the sea blew around me. Shivering slightly I wrapped my waistcoat tighter around my torso and quickened my steps. When I reached the bridge, I stopped surprised as I saw a figure approaching me quickly. It was only a dark shadow but I recognized its build and its walk and a bright smile appeared on my face.  
"Hey. Do you want to...pick...me...up?" I started to stammer when Connor swept past me without saying a word. You couldn´t describe his walk different than energetic and I looked after him in confusion for a short moment.  
"Connor?" No reaction. "Hello?" He stubbornly kept going as if he either hadn´t seen me or hadn´t heard me. I snorted and ran after him.  
"I´m glad to see you, too. How was your day?", I called after him, full of sarcasm while I tried to catch up with him. But this man made huge steps. I had to run to finally reach him and firmly grabbed his arm. "Could you please tell me what is wrong with you?", I asked and he turned around with a growl. He was mad as hell.  
"Are they still here?"  
"Who?" I blinked in surprise but at the same time, I understood who he meant and his answer became unnecessary.  
"The men Finley talked about. Are they still here?"

I closed my eyes shortly and took a deep breath. I would have preferred it, if he hadn´t learned about this incident. His reaction had been expectable.  
"Yes, they are", I answered reluctantly. "But everything´s fine. Finley and the others have put them in their places."  
Connor snorted and reminded me of an angry bull who wanted to thrust its horns into somebody´s body. In Connor´s case it was his tomahawk.  
"Nothing is fine", he growled. "The one man has pestered and insulted you. This incident is not over for me yet." He pulled his arm away from my grip and went on which made me run again.  
"You really don´t have to start a fight. He has been reprimanded and I am fine. He´s an idiot and that´s why you shouldn´t give attention to him."  
I easily could have talked to a stone because Connor showed no reaction to my words and we came dangerously close to the inn again.

"Stop, god dammit", I swore and when he didn´t, I grabbed his coat and braced my feet against the ground just to be torn forward in an instant. I let him go again, started to stumble and ended up face down on the ground. My loving husband just walked on.  
 _He must be kidding..._  
"Connor Kenway! If you do not stop in an instant, I will...you...you won´t be allowed to share the bed with me for a long time!"  
I almost hadn´t expected it, but Connor´s steps actually slowed down and he stopped finally. He turned around and unfortunately I couldn´t see his face as he saw me laying on the ground. Certainly my face was as angry as his and swearing quietly, I stood up and patted the dust from my clothes. Connor came back to me but gestured towards the inn.  
"Do you want to put up with it?", he asked angrily. "Do you expect me to accept that someone treats you like that?"  
 _No, thanks for asking. I didn´t get hurt after falling into the dirt because of you._  
I really had to bite my tongue to hold back this sharp comment but probably it would have provoked Connor even more. I should try to reassure him instead. So I approached him and wrapped my arms around him, hoping to seize him like that if he wanted to go on.  
"Of course not", I said gently. "But I really don´t want you to pay more attention to these men than they deserve it. They are not worth the trouble."  
Connor snorted again and stared at a spot over my head while he clenched his jaws.

"But they...", he began again but instead of giving him the chance to speak, I stretched and pressed a peck on his lips. His expression hardened.  
"I will not..."  
Another kiss.  
"Nobody should..."  
And another.  
"Lillian!"  
When I wanted to kiss him again, Connor seized my chin with his hand and stopped me.  
"I am serious. I cannot accept that someone behaves like that in our homestead."  
"And I can´t accept that you go there and pick a fight with them. Knowing you, it´s not going to be a peaceful conversation." I raised an eyebrow while Connor kept looking at me with a grim expression. But at least he didn´t contradict and so I gave him a gentle smile.  
"Please. Calm yourself and let us go home. I´m tired and freezing. These men are going to leave tomorrow and we will have our peace and quiet back. Please, don´t get worked up about them. They are not worth it."  
Connor looked me over silently for a moment and even though he was still looking irritated, I felt him relax a bit.  
"All right", he grumbled and I had to suppress a sigh of relief. That had been close to a catastrophe.


	7. Chapter 7

_Hello :)  
_

 _Thank you again fro all your revies, favs and follows._

 ** _Reviews:_**

 ** _Luthlien:_** _Well, maybe your feeling is right. ;) It´s nice to hear that your roommate likes the story, too. Thank you for showing it to her. ^^ And I do the same, every time I´m playing the game. I love imagining Lillian in the kitchen or something like that. It makes it more realistic to me and sometimes I wished I could do realistic drawings, so I could have it on paper or on screen. :D Oh and I just posted chapter no. 78, so...I won´t stop so soon, don´t worry. ;)  
_

 ** _tina:_** _Yes, I can´t imagine him different than protective. ^^ Maybe too protective_ _sometimes_ _, but we´ll see. ;)_

 ** _MohawkWoman:_** _It certainly wasn´t your fault. ^^ My English is good but I still have to look up much vocabulary while translating because I want to stay as close to the original text as possible. Actually I´m always using three different dictionary websites and my dictionary with over 1000 pages. :D So I don´t mind if I have to look a word up. It belongs to the learning process. ;) And I love the morning scene, too. It was so easy and beautiful to write. As well as writing Connor in a bad mood. ^^_

* * *

 **They know nothing**

Even though Connor had let himself be talked around more than less, it was noticeable that he was anything but satisfied with it and even worse: That he was offended because I had hold him back. He barely spoke a word to me for the rest of the evening and if he did, he was quite monosyllabic and grumpy. This incident, that was harmless for me in retrospective, fussed at him. I was glad somehow that Connor wanted to stand up for me but I didn´t find it necessary. Like I judged Nathan and his men, they would welcome every kind of trouble with open arms and I didn´t want to imagine what could happen, if Connor took them to task. I didn´t want trouble in the homestead for my sake especially not when the actual reason for it was going to be disappeared soon.  
My only hope was that Connor calmed down soon, even though it wasn´t looking like that right now. After we had gone to bed already, he still sat upright and in the darkness and every time I opened my eyes, I winced unintentionally because of the towering shadow next to me. He didn´t move an inch until I sat up and pushed him more or less by his shoulder into the mattress. He protested grumbling but I ignored it, laid an arm over his chest and cuddled up to him. Connor´s body reacted with tension at first but sometime he uttered a sigh and wrapped an arm around me. I fell asleep shortly afterwards.

Actually I didn´t know why I woke up the next morning. Maybe because of a premonition or just because I had struggled free from the blanket over night and was now freezing in my thin nightgown. With closed eyes and grumbling to myself, I felt for the blanket, pulled it up to my chin and rolled to Connor´s side to cuddle up to him again. But my arm came to nothing. Blinking I opened my eyes and noticed that his side of the bed was empty. Confused I sat up, rubbed my eyes and looked to the washstand. There sat Connor, completely dressed and was just lacing up his leggings.  
"The sun hasn´t even rose yet. Where do you want to go this early?", I asked sleepily and still struggled with my eyes which didn´t want to stay open. It really wasn´t my time of day.  
"To the inn", Connor grumbled and attended to the last laces. To the inn? What did he want...oh damn it. I was abruptly wide awake.  
"You don´t want to call these men to account, don´t you? I thought we were done with this topic."  
Connor didn´t even look at me but still attended stubbornly to his leggings while he replied with a serious voice: "Not for me. This man has offended you in your honour."  
"Could I decide on my own when I´m offended or not?" Almost angry I watched him standing up and grabbing his coat that has hanging over the chair back. "What do you want to do anyway? Stabbing him to death or rather beating him up?"  
Now Connor looked at me, his eyebrows knitted grimly. Well, I was doing him wrong if I indicated that he would instantly use violence. But like I had said before: I was also worried about the intentions of the five men. Maybe they would even appreciate a fight in the morning.

"Connor, please." My voice became almost imploring. "Stay. Come back to bed and let these guys leave. You don´t have to concern yourself with them because of me."  
I didn´t get an answer. Connor came to me instead, which made me reach out my arms for him with a relieved smile. He grabbed my wrists, pulled me to my knees gently and into a tight embrace, his chin resting on my head.  
"Konnorónhkhwa", he murmured and pulled away carefully. Connor put both hands to my cheeks and in face of his serious gaze, my desire to tell him that I also loved him, wore off. Because this man didn´t plan to come back to bed and take my words to heart.  
"That is why I cannot let this matter rest. Let me at least make sure that these men really leave without causing more trouble and will not come back at best."  
I really wanted to contradict but Connor had stepped back already and left the room shortly afterwards. Swearing I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and followed him.  
"Stay here, god damn it!", I shouted to him from the door as he was just walking downstairs. But he let it go in one ear and out of the other again.  
"Connor!" I stormed to the staircase, jumped down the stairs, but ran upstairs again, as I heard how he opened the door to the basement. If he didn´t want to listen to me, I had to go with him at least.

As quickly as possible I exchanged my nightgown with my shift, slipped into my skirt and laced up my bodice more or less decently, before I put on my waistcoat while running to the door again. I went without stockings and boots because putting both on would have taken too long. So I stormed barefooted to the staircase but was stopped by a sleepy voice on the other end of the hallway. "What is this about?"  
Caleb stood in the door to his room, his blonde hair tousled and the eyes still half closed. It seemed like I had woke him up with my rumbling.  
"It´s alright." I gave him a reassuring smile. "You can go back to bed. Connor and I just have to do something."  
"So early in the morning?"  
I nodded and glanced nervously downstairs where the front door had just closed.  
"Go back to sleep and when we´re back, I will prepare a proper breakfast for you, alright?"  
Caleb nodded and yawned heartily. "Alright", he mumbled and I gave a sigh of relief as he went into his room again.

I stormed downstairs in an instant, taking two stairs at once, opened the front door and hurried outside. Connor was already close to the church, the first building of the homestead close to the manor and so I had to gather up my skirt and take to my heels to catch up with him before he reached the inn. Running barefooted was easier than in shoes even though it was anything but pleasant. It had rained over night and the ground was accordingly sodden. It was cold and mud sprayed up with every step I took and partly landed on my calves. But what a woman had to do, if the own stubborn husband was determined to restore her supposed offended honour?  
Said husband just reached the stables of the inn where the five men were saddling their horses. I quickened my steps as much as possible and heard how Connor asked for Nathan when he reached the group. Nathan stepped forward, widely grinning as always and indicated a theatrical bow.  
"I guess that´s me", he said and his gaze slid to me who just stopped behind Connor.  
"Well and I thought this day couldn´t start pleasantly. Good morning, beautiful."  
Connor glanced over his shoulder and frowned reproachfully as he saw me. Oh, please. Did he really not notice that I was following him?

I had stolen Nathan´s attention from him anyway. He approached me slowly and ignored that Connor pushed himself in his way like a rock.  
"I really regretted it yesterday that it went so unpleasantly between us. I was a bit...rash." He was still wearing his grin, why I couldn´t believe his words. This man wasn´t rash, he was just impudent. Otherwise he wouldn´t have invited me into his room before. Luckily Connor didn´t know about it when he asked: "So you apologize?"  
Now Nathan´s gaze wandered to the man who was standing between us and who certainly had put on an ice cold expression, according to his voice. Unfortunately it didn´t impress him in the slightest.  
Nathan laughed and shook his head. "What for? I´m a man who is always on the road. If I get the chance to share the bed with a lady, why shouldn´t I take it?" His gaze slid back to me. "And she would have given in sometime. They always do. Especially those who pretend to be married and virtuous. They jump into your bed earlier than you expect it. Do they not, beautiful?" Now his grin became suggestive. "I´m sure you´re just pretending in front of everyone that you are antipathetic towards other men, but basically you´re longing for a man who attends to you like you deserve it."

 _This damn scumbag!_ Furious I glared at Nathan and wouldn´t mind if Connor would beat this dirty grin out of his face right now. I´d had to put up with much lasciviousness in the past but I had always bore them with stoic calmness. Not least because I had been taught to "keep my composure" and smile everything away. But I had never felt as attacked as I did now. I certainly wasn´t a frustrated wife who was missing her husband´s attention and was searching for adventures with other men because of that. God, I really had no need to do so. Besides I still had enough pride to not let myself get attacked by a man like Nathan.  
I made an angry step towards him but walked against Connor´s stretched arm and was pushed back gently but firmly.  
"You should be careful with what you are saying", my husband growled and made a threatening step towards Nathan whose grin disappeared and was replaced by a disparaging expression.  
"Why? Does the wild monkey dig up his tomahawk? Do you think I let myself be commanded by someone like you? Besides, I´ve been talking to the lady, so go out of my way."  
He shoved his flat hand against Connor´s chest but he only made a step backwards and stood unshakable again shortly afterwards, clenching his fists. I almost admired him for not beating Nathan already but at the same time I got concerned again. As much as I wanted to see that Nathan got his malicious tongue cut off, I neither didn't want Connor to give further attention to him. This ridiculous incident yesterday wasn´t worth it.

Obviously Connor saw it differently. "You will leave her alone, understand? She already did not want to have anything to do with you yesterday and if I would have been there, you and your friends would have left this homestead much earlier."  
Nathan´s answer was a mocking laugh and he looked at me over Connor´s shoulder.  
"Come on, beautiful. Why can´t we talk to each other without being interrupted by someone? Over and over again I must hear that you don´t want to have anything to do with me but it should be your husband who defends you, don´t you think? Are you all the same to him?"  
Oh, if he knew how wrong he was. I wasn´t able to hold back a mocking smile.  
"You better ask him yourself, after all he´s standing right in front of you."

Nathans jaws dropped for a moment as he looked back and forth between Connor and me. But then he burst into loud laughter which made me wince unintentionally.  
"That´s your husband?" He unnecessarily pointed at Connor, on whose fists the veins were already standing out. Nathan looked at his comrades who had begun to laugh, too.  
"She´s married to someone like him and wants to make me believe that she´s particular with her lovers." When he looked at me this time, I was sure that I had never seen so much scorn and mockery in somebody´s face before. "What did he do? Kidnapped you somewhere? Or did he just pay enough? Anyway, I can be glad that you didn´t come into my room with me yesterday. Somebody who´s sharing the bed with wild dogs, certainly wakes up with fleas."  
He glanced over his shoulder again, probably seeking for his companion´s recognition of his words but as he wanted to look at me again, his head turned abruptly sideward. Connor had planted a punch on his chin and still stood with his fist lifted when Nathan stumbled backwards, stayed bent and rubbed his hand over his jaw.  
"Speak to her like that again...", his attacker growled threateningly and didn´t even have to finish his sentence. At least I was able to picture exactly what could happen then. The other four men had stepped back from their horses and were now approaching Connor threateningly slowly. The assassin moved into defence immediately. I myself stood like I was frozen, incapable of reacting somehow. That was exactly what I had wanted to prevent. I had suspected that this "conversation" would escalate even though I couldn´t say that I didn´t feel satisfaction in seeing Nathan with his face twisted in pain. Obviously Connor had struck him so hard that this scumbag had to get his mind clear at first. But he still had his men who were now taking position in front of Connor and tried to surround him.

"Stop it! Now!" I pushed myself past Connor and stood in the middle of a circle of combative men who were on the verge of attacking each other. Nevertheless I had the naive hope that I could avert a catastrophe but when one of the men struck out into my direction, I was pulled back by Connor. In one movement he grabbed the man´s arm, turned it onto his back and rammed his elbow into the same so that the man went down groaning. In an instant his comrades pounced on the assassin in their midst who ducked away from their strikes and was forced to have hits on his own from his cover. But I didn´t stay motionless for long to watch them.  
I turned on my heel and ran to the two houses close to the inn. I hammered against the door of the first and saw myself in front of a confused Terry, who seemed to just have sat together with his family. "Did something happen?", he asked concerned and I pointed frantically back to the inn.  
"Connor has a fight with those men. Someone has to intervene."  
The lumberjack´s eyes widened but he pushed himself past me and ran to the other house to get his friend Godfrey. The three of us ran back to the inn where Connor was still involved in the unequal fight.

Two of the men were already laying on the ground but Nathan had recovered himself by now and so Connor was attacked from three sides at the same time. But unlike him, his opponents didn´t fight fairly. I saw the blade of a dagger flashing up as one of the men stormed towards Connor but he grabbed the armed hand, thrust his elbow into the crook of the man´s arm and made him drop his dagger before he struck his fist into the man´s face. Connor proved once again that he was a match for several opponents at the same time but nevertheless, I was glad that Godfrey and Terry intervened. Corrine and Oliver had also come outside by now and the elder man stepped closer vigorously, his voice echoing over the whole backyard of the inn.  
"That´s enough! I´ve just said yesterday that I don´t allow such quarrels on my property. You..." He pointed at the men who recovered one after another. "You take your horses now and leave. We don´t want any troublemakers in our homestead."  
Nathan stared at the innkeeper with a furious expression and wiped the blood away that was running out of his nose before he gave his men a silent signal. They went or limped to their horses and mounted them. They steered their horses into our direction and Nathan insisted on stopping his horse next to Connor.  
"This isn´t the last time we´re seeing each other, dirty bastard", he growled and spat in front of the assassin´s feet, who stayed motionless and stared up at him with an iron expression.

Nathan gave another signal and the five horses fell into a canter and disappeared into the direction of the homestead´s edge. I felt relieved, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Everything had gone more than unfortunate and I cursed myself for not having taken care of Nathan yesterday. Maybe I could have done more to stop Connor but now it didn´t matter anyway. Nathan and his men were gone and despite of his threat towards Connor, I hoped that we wouldn´t see them again.  
"Shall we get the Doc?", I heard Godfrey asking Connor who shook his head and touched his nose shortly. I just had seen him from the side but when he turned towards me now, I saw that his nose and his lower lip were bleeding, too. Appalled I stepped to him and put my hand under his chin to lift it up. "It could be broken", I said concerned while I had a closer look at his nose but Connor grabbed my wrist and shook his head again.  
"It is not. It is just bleeding, nothing more."  
"Just bleeding?" I raised an eyebrow.  
"Maybe you should come inside. I still have warm water in the kitchen. You can wash the blood off, Connor." It was Corrine who had approached us and put a hand to my shoulder. They others were still with us, too and I gave a grateful look to the two lumberjacks who raised their hands and said that it had been natural to help.

They left to their mill while I went with Corrine and Connor into the inn. The latter protested but I managed it to make him sit at a table while the innkeeper went into the kitchen. She returned with a bowl of warm water and some clean rags and put them onto the table.  
"I will bring something for your feet", she told me with a smirk and as I looked down at me and to the door, I noticed a pretty track of muddy footprints. I had almost forgotten that I wasn´t wearing shoes.  
"I´m...sorry, Corrine. I will clean it up immediately."  
But she shook her head chuckling and indicated to me, that I should take care of Connor who was still trying to stop his nose from bleeding with his bare hand.  
So I sat sideward on a chair like he did and pressed a dry rag against his nose. He winced slightly, because I wasn´t quite gentle with him but when I raised my eyebrow, he sat motionless without turning his gaze away from me. Silently we sat in front of each other and were alone in the dining area, after Corrine had come to bring me a bucket of warm water and more rags. It was still early in the morning and the inn would only open in an hour for the first guests. So at least not everybody learned directly about what had happened, even though it probably was going to be the most important topic anyway. But I didn´t want to think about it right now.

Carefully I took the rag from Connor´s nose and noticed with satisfaction that the bleeding had stopped.  
"Are you sure that it isn´t broken?", I asked while I dipped another rag into the bowl of warm water. Connor nodded and so I carefully began to wash the blood from his face. It really looked worse than it actually was and I smirked with the thought that the five men had taken more hits than Connor himself. But nevertheless I could have gone without sitting here and cleaning my husband from all traces of the fight.  
"You shouldn´t have beaten him."  
Connor frowned about my words and pushed my hand aside, which just had dabbed the blood from his bottom lip.  
"So I should have accepted his words just like that? I do not care if someone insults me but I do not let anyone do the same to you."

I lowered my hand and put the rag back into the bowl before I seriously looked at him again.  
"I cope with it. Nathan is a son of a bitch you shouldn´t pay more attention to, than he deserves it."  
"And you do not deserve it to be treated like dirt. He was disrespectful to you and in the future, he will think twice before he talks to a woman like that."  
Connor had bent forward and his gaze told me that he firmly believed in his words. But I was sure that Nathan would never learn to be respectful to women. As many other men, he thought that women only had to look pretty, serve the men and bear children. But among other things, Connor was too kind-hearted to see this social problem and that was so lovable about him.  
With a gentle smile, I put a hand to his cheek. "Thank you", I murmured and bent forward, too, to lean my forehead against his, like he had done it to me so many times before.  
"For what?" Connor´s hand stroked over mine and he played with the ring on my finger.  
"For no special reason. Thank you for being you and thank you for letting me be with you."  
He pulled back his head and gently stroked a strand of hair behind my ear but the smile, that had been on his face before, vanished.  
"I am sorry that you have been insulted because of me", he said quietly and when I cocked my head questioningly, he added.  
"He insulted you because of my origin. That was not right of him."

 _Oh, Connor._ I sighed and could barely bear it to see him so serious. Nathan had insulted us both, not only me or him. There would be always people who would judge Connor because of his origin and me because I lived with him. Of course it had hurt me that Nathan indirectly had called me a whore. But it had hurt because he had questioned our relationship. I knew why I had married Connor and I didn´t care about who or "what" he was.  
"There will always be people who will react like that if they learn, that we´re married. But these people are stupid. They don´t know us and they especially don´t know you." I stroked over his cheek gently. "They don´t know what a wonderful man you are and that´s why they will never understand why I love you so much. Don´t listen to them and I won´t either."  
Connor looked me over as if he wanted to see if I was really saying what I thought, but he saw the determination in my eyes and so his smile returned. "Konnorónhkhwa."  
He pressed a gentle kiss on my forehead and pointed at my feet, where the mud was already drying. "Why are you barefooted, by the way?"  
I followed his signal and chuckled. "Because I wanted to follow you as quickly as possible and there was no time to put on stockings and shoes. Besides, I think a mud pack does me good."  
"Not if you get sick." Connor pulled the bucket closer, which Corrine had brought and silently watched me washing the mud from my feet and calves and finally drying them.

When Corrine came to us and asked, if we wanted to eat something, we shook our heads and I remembered my promise to Caleb. He still was at home and I didn´t want him to stay alone for long. So we bid farewell to the innkeeper and left the inn, but before I could make a step outside, Connor lifted me onto his arms.  
"I will not let you walk through the mud again", he smirked and grinning I wrapped my arms around his neck.  
"Well, if you carry me like that, I will leave my shoes at home more often."  
"That would be just like you." Connor shook his head about my words but gently pulled me closer against him.


	8. Chapter 8

_Hello :)  
_

 _And another chapter for you. I have to confess that this is the only chapter were I shortened the distance between Davenport and Boston a bit. I know that it would have been impossible to do a trip to Boston and back to Davenport with a carriage in just one afternoon. But it made things easier, so I hope you can forgive me. ;)_

* * *

 **Unknown things**

Around midday of the same day, I glanced over Caleb´s shoulder who was explaining to me how to put the harness of the carriage on a horse and how to harness the horse to the carriage. My friend Maria was standing in the door of Aldah´s box, our black gelding and was highly amused about my concentrated expression. It didn´t make it easier for me to remember Caleb´s instructions. The harness had so many straps which had to be closed crisscross almost everywhere. How was I supposed to understand that so quickly? Nevertheless I wanted to learn it, not least because I wanted to become a bit more independent. Since yesterday I was looking forward to drive to Boston with Maria. Just to get out of the homestead, stroll through the city and have the time to chat with my friend without being disturbed by our duties or other persons.

"Did you understand everything so far?" Caleb gave me a questioning look over Aldah´s back and got a nod as an answer.  
"I think so."  
"Good, so let us harness him then." He grabbed the reins and led the gelding out of his box. Maria and I followed him and at the carriage, the game started all over again. Caleb explained all straps to me one more time. Showed me which one had to be fixed where on the carriage and ignored my helpless face deliberately. Probably I was going to need some time until I would be able to remember everything but at least, the horse was harnessed for today.

"And you are sure that you want to go alone?" Sceptically Caleb watched Maria and me climbing onto the coach box and Maria took the reins. In contrast to me, she knew how to steer a carriage and so I had no reservations to answer Caleb´s question with a nod.  
"We will cope", I said, bent forward and tousled the boy´s blonde hair. He squinched up his face.  
"And what shall I tell Connor when he comes back?"  
Oh, great. After all the agitation this morning, I had totally forgotten to tell Connor about my plans. Furthermore he had set off into the forest after breakfast, to clear his mind, he had said. But he certainly wouldn´t be quite excited to learn that Maria and I were alone in the frontier and that was why it was probably good that he wasn´t here right now.  
"We will be back in the evening", Maria answered for me whereupon Caleb nodded slowly but not quite convinced. I gave him a wide smile before Maria slapped the reins against Aldah´s croup and the clattering carriage started moving.

We followed the main path through the homestead and soon its borders were behind us. Away from all the familiar noises in Davenport, we were now surrounded by the gentle sounds of the forest. The rustling of the wind in the crowns of the trees, the singing of the birds and sometimes a cracking in the undergrowth when an animal fled from the approaching rumbling of our carriage. It had been a long time since I had been in the surrounding forests. Sometimes I had done short walks but had always been afraid of getting lost so that I had never really enjoyed it. Probably the disorientation of a city girl. Connor had grown up in the frontier and knew it better than anybody else I knew. But this wasn´t the only reason why I could understand that he felt drawn to the forest so often, when he needed his peace and quiet. Here was nearly nothing that could disturb you.

Maybe except of a sudden rustling and cracking of branches over our heads.  
"What the...?" I raised my head when leaves trickled down on us and an appalled sound left my lips. High up in the branches of a tree balanced a figure in a white coat and when Maria noticed it, too, she reined Aldah in. Shortly afterwards and with a thud, the figure landed on the roof of the carriage which began to sway for moment. Alday snorted anxiously, pranced on the spot, but luckily was relaxed enough and didn´t bolt.  
"Connor, damn it! Do you have to scare us like this?" I gave the assassin, who was kneeling on the carriage, a reproachful gaze. Had he followed us or did our paths cross each other accidentally? But why was he in the trees anyway?  
First Connor only watched me with his head cocked and despite his hood, I knew that he was frowning. I only needed to see this tensed expression about his mouth.  
"Where are you going to?", he asked slowly.  
"Boston."  
"Alone?"  
I couldn´t hold back a snort. I already knew where this conversation would end. "Yes, alone. Maria has to do something in Boston and I wanted to accompany her and maybe do some shopping, too."  
"What do you want to buy? We have everything."  
Oh, someone knew our supplies.  
"I know it when I see it." I gave Maria a gaze that was seeking help but obviously she was too busy with suppressing her laughter. I would really like to know what was so funny about this situation.

When I looked at Connor again, he was still looking serious. But he nodded. "Alright."  
 _Excuse me?_ Surprised I looked at him. He hadn´t even said that he found it dangerous for some reason, that Maria and I were on our way to the city alone. Did he really give in so easily?  
Of course not.  
Before I could react, Connor had grabbed down, opened the door of the carriage and slid deftly inside.  
"Er, Connor? What are you doing?" I had bent forward and looked through the window to the assassin who had sat down at the cushioned seat and was pushing the hood from his head.  
"I will come with you. But if Maria wants it, I could drive and she..."  
"You will get out! Now!" I jumped from the coach box and tore the door open. That was everything I needed. Him playing the chaperone again. I had looked forward for this trip because I had wanted to be alone with Maria for once without feeling his watchful gaze in my nape. But obviously it was difficult for him to understand it.  
"I just want to make sure that you will arrive and come back safely. Or do I have to remind you that Nathan and his comrades could be nearby?"  
My aversion of having him with us subsided immediately. I really had ignored this fact somehow. But...

"I really want to be alone with Maria for once and today we have the best chance. Normally each of us has something to do and we don´t find a day where the two of us have enough time." I cocked my head and gave Connor a pleading look. "We´re careful, will keep an eye on our environment and if we see riders approaching us, Maria will drive Aldah on as fast as possible."  
Connor looked at me silently and didn´t appear quite convinced. He clenched his jaws tensely before he mumbled something and rose from his seat. He kneeled down in front of the door, so that we were on eyelevel and lifted his index finger.  
"As soon as you think that something is wrong, you will turn and come back immediately. And should something happen in Boston, you will go to the tavern near the harbour and asked for Duncan Little. He is an assassin and on my behalf you will ask him to accompany you home. Understood?"  
I nodded a bit reluctantly. I could have gone without his instructions, because they sounded like he was talking to a child. But I preferred this to a long discussion with him.

Connor seemed to be reassured and a faint smile appeared on his lips, as he put a hand under my chin and ran his thumb over my bottom lip. I hadn´t noticed that I had begun to sulk. Maybe the comparison with a child wasn´t so absurd.  
"I just want you to come back to me unharmed", he said gently and the gaze, he was giving me, made it hard to keep sulking. Sometimes he appeared like a dog with his brown eyes...in a positive way...  
I sighed and put a hand into his nape. "I know", I murmured, pulled him to me and placed my lips tenderly on his. "Some space to breathe would be great sometimes."  
I cocked my head smirking. Even though it seemed for moment as if Connor wanted to reply something, he suppressed it and jumped out of the carriage. He grabbed my hand, helped me onto the coach box and gave me a last serious gaze.  
"Be careful."  
I nodded smirking, blew him a kiss and gave Maria the signal to drive Aldah on.

Sighing deeply I tipped my head back and looked up to the sky. This had been the first time that Connor and I hadn´t need to discuss long about his protective instinct. Since I knew him, he had always refused me something, on the grounds that he just wanted to protect me. Basically I was glad about it because this was his way to show me that my wellbeing was important to him. But sometimes it was just exhausting and so I was glad that he had given in this time.  
"Wait!"  
I winced as I heard Connor´s voice next to the coach box. He was actually running beside the carriage and grabbed into Aldah´s reins to stop him. I frowned irritated. Had he changed his mind?  
Connor grabbed at his side, pulled his pistol out of the holster and gave it to me. "Take it with you."  
Perplexed I stared at the weapon as I had never seen one before. "What shall I do with it? I don´t even know how to use it."  
"You do not have to. It is probably enough if you can intimidate with it." Connor´s face was totally serious while he held the handle of the pistol out to me. When I didn´t react, Maria grabbed past me and took the weapon.  
"If we don´t go now, we won´t be home before tonight", she grumbled and laid the pistol into my lap.  
"But...where shall I hide it? In my neckline? I can´t walk through Boston with a pistol in my hand."  
"We will find a way." Maria patted my knee and nodded at Connor. "I will bring your wife home. Don´t worry." Without waiting for his answer, my friend clicked her tongue and the carriage moved on. I was still staring at the weapon as if it was a foreign body.

* * *

In Boston, Maria had knotted a bag out of my scarf in which we hid the pistol. I really couldn´t have walked through the streets with it in my hand. Maybe they would have arrested me or shot me directly. Anyway, our visit was entirely smooth and almost uneventful.  
After Maria had fetched some fabrics for Ellen from a merchant, in which I wasn´t able to avoid noticing that she seemed to get along very well with the journeyman, we walked through Boston´s streets for a while, stopped at several market stands and I couldn´t resist but bought some dried herbs and even some chocolate found its way into my bag.  
In London I had often visited "White's Chocolate House" with my parents. They´d had the most delicious cake and the best hot chocolate in town and they still had. These visits had left wonderful childhood memories and even though the chocolate was anything but cheap, I looked forward to a cup of the hot drink and I was curious to see, if Connor and Caleb would like it, too. If they didn´t, I had everything for myself.

Beside the herbs and the chocolate, I also bought some tea and soon Maria and I were on our way home. The visit in Boston had been short but I had enjoyed it anyway. I had missed the lively hustle and bustle of a city somehow but when we just arrived in Davenport again, I felt at home.  
It was late in the evening and already dark as Maria helped me to take care of Aldah and we finally said goodbye to each other. There was still light at the first floor of the house and when I entered quietly, Connor came out of the kitchen in an instant and looked at me worried.  
"Is everything alright? You were away for a while. Did something happen?" His voice sounded nervous and I felt really sorry for him. Had he thought of us the whole day? I took the pistol out of the improvised bag with a reassuring smile and gave it to him.  
"I didn´t need it. Everything was peaceful."  
Relief spread on Connor´s face and he weighted the pistol in his hand before he went to the basement. Of course everything had to be in order and the pistol had to return to the other weapons in the basement.

I shook my head smirking, before I went into the kitchen and put my shopping into the storage. I stopped with the chocolate in my hand, before I put a can of water onto the still glowing coals of the fireplace. I crumbled some chocolate into a cup, added honey and waited for the water to boil.  
"Are you brewing a tea for yourself?", asked Connor who had stood silently in the door and had watched me. Now he appeared totally relaxed and I hoped inwardly that he had learned today, that it wasn´t always bad to turn his back on me and let me do something on my own.  
"No, not tea." I smirked as I went to him and took his hand into mine. Gently I pulled him to the salon, pushed him onto an armchair, got a stool and put his legs onto it, one after another by lifting them by the back of his knees. Raising his eyebrows, Connor endured the whole procedure.  
"What is that supposed to be?"  
"I want you to relax", I said grinning and went back to the kitchen again. "Stay", I demanded, standing in the door, before I finally left.

In the kitchen the water had already begun to boil and I poured it into the cup with the chocolate and the honey. I stirred the drink prudently with a spoon until the chocolate had dissolved completely. Carefully I put the cup to my lips, had a sip and closed my eyes with pleasure. Oh yes, memories.  
With a satisfied smile I carried the cup into the salon where Connor really was still sitting on the armchair like I had left him. Not until he noticed me, he took his feet from the stool and made a move to stand up but I pushed him back into the chair with my free hand and took a seat on his lap.  
"For the gentleman." Grinning I passed the cup of hot chocolate to him, which he inspected sceptically.  
"What is that?"  
"Poison in water", was my dry answer before I pushed the cup into his hand. "Just try it."  
Still sceptical Connor sniffed at the drink before he put the cup to his lips and had a sip. Curious I watched his expression as he seemed to savour the chocolate, swallowed and uttered a quiet, smacking sound. "What is that?"  
"Chocolate. Hot chocolate to be precise. Beside the tea probably the English´s favourite drink. As a child I could have lived only on it."  
Connor swung the drink in the cup before he gave it to me. "You English have a strange taste. It is bitter."  
Sulking I pushed my bottom lip forward and looked at the drink in my hands. "But I put some extra honey into it. I think it´s delicious." As if I wanted to emphasize my words, I took a deep sip of the chocolate and licked my lips. "You really have no idea."

Connor smirked, bent forward and gave me a deep kiss. When he pulled away, he made this smacking noise again before he said: "Well, it does not taste so bad."  
Grinning I shook my head. "But I won´t feed you with it."  
Connor took the half empty cup out of my hands and put it onto the side table so that he could adjust me on his lap without hindrance and wrapped his arms around me. I was more than willing to lean against his chest and buried my head into the crook of his neck. Connor kissed my hair gently and stroked over my back. Cuddled up like this, we sat there for a while and I certainly would have never thought that this feeling of peace and calmness, that was seizing me, could come to a sudden end soon.

* * *

Two days later I sat alone in the salon, my legs pulled under my body and a book on my lap. It was the "Encyclopedia of the Common Man", a kind of diary of the homestead which had been compiled by Connor´s mentor Achilles, to record all important events in Davenport. The curved handwriting of the master was occasionally replaced by Connor´s meticulous, straight handwriting but both of them described in detail everything important that had happened during the last fifteen years. Starting with the day when a thirteen-year-old native boy had knocked at Achilles' door, had asked him to train him and even after several times of rejection, he had stayed persistently. He had accommodated himself in the stables and insisted on his question, with success. Achilles described Connor´s training over several sides, followed by the records about the first settlers who had wanted to stay permanently in Davenport and who were still here today. I became so engrossed in the stories about my new home and its inhabitants that I didn´t notice how the time passed.

When I put the book aside, the blaze in the fireplace had already extinguished and it was in the middle of the night. Only the bright light of the full moon lighted up my path upstairs into the bedroom. Connor had already gone to bed hours ago, as well as Caleb. The house was completely silent and I opened the door to our room as quiet as possible, slipped inside and closed it again. Connor lay stretched out on his back, his head turned towards me, but deeply asleep. A beautiful sight, even in this light.  
On tiptoe I sneaked to the washstand, loosened my hair, brushed it and began to undress myself in front of the closet. I slipped out of my stockings, my skirt, my waistcoat and began to open my bodice. While doing so, I glanced at Connor and faltered when I saw, that he wasn´t laying on his back anymore. He had turned onto his side, had bedded his head on his arm and...was looking at me. I smirked.  
"Is that any way to behave? Silently watching a lady undress?", I asked but continued unperturbed to open my bodice.  
"You are not undressed yet." Connor´s smirk was almost noticeable in his voice even though I could barely see his face. As cold as he appeared sometimes, I already knew that this man could be a real scoundrel. But I was more than willing to play this game.

I loosened the last laces and put the bodice back into the closet, emphatically slow. My gaze slid to Connor who was still looking at me and with a small grin, I grabbed the hem of my shift and pulled it over my head. But instead of slipping into my night gown, as I had wanted to before Connor´s voyeurism, I approached him, naked as I was and slipped to him underneath the warm blanket. Now I was able to see Connor´s smirk and his eyes shined in the faint moonlight that was falling through the curtains.  
"Is that any way to behave? Joining a man in bed naked?", he asked and gasped in surprise as I wrapped my legs around his hips, turned him onto his back like that and straddled his lap.  
"As long as it´s my man...", I purred, bent forward and kissed his lips.

Connor just wanted to bury his hand in my hair but I grabbed his forearms, pushed them back and pulled back my lips to brush them down his neck. I kissed along his throat, over his collar bone and placed several kissed on his chest, before I sat up a bit and watched my hands exploring his torso. It was still a miracle to me that a single man could consist of so many muscles. There was not a gram of fat on Connor´s body, no soft spots where I could have pinched him. I was really slim and was satisfied with my figure but nevertheless I became almost jealous because he always found a spot where he could pinch me. But I loved to stroke over Connor´s torso anyway.  
His skin was warm and soft and how he had closed his eyes, it seemed like he would also enjoy my tender loving care. At least until I ran my nails slightly over his chest. He uttered a surprised noise, opened his eyes and looked at me, who was wearing a wide grin on her face and kissed the harmed spots apologetically shortly afterwards.  
"You drive me insane, do you know that?", he growled and grinning slyly I brought my lips closer to his again.  
"But I didn´t do anything."  
"You do not have to."

This time I was the one who landed surprised on her back and as I felt how Connor´s lips and hands returned my caresses, I uttered a sigh that was nearly begging for more. His touch was tender but certainly not cautious. By now he knew exactly what he had to do to make me close my eyes in pleasure and I loved to give myself to it. Connor´s lips caressed each of my breasts, kissed their peaks so that I didn´t notice how his hands loosened the grip of my legs around his hips and slowly stroked along my thighs. Not until he parted them gently and one of his hands approached my womanhood, I opened my eyes.  
"What...what are you..." The rest of the question faded to a surprised gasp and finally a moan as I felt what Connor intended to do. Where did he get that from?  
While he managed it to take my mind up to the sky, he just lay there calmly and looked into my eyes, as long as they were open. I would have hated him for that, if it wouldn´t feel so good. And this damn scoundrel was still half dressed.  
"Co...Connor, please...that...that´s not...fair." I couldn´t do anything else but to stammer because I had to concentrate on every single word. My mind had already bid farewell for the most part while I felt how Connor´s efforts were on the brink of fulfilling their purpose. A warm prickle spread through my whole being and I felt a light but very pleasant ache in my lower body before my head turned off completely and I moaned loudly. Connor´s lips found mine and trembling I clung to his neck as if I was drowning.

Connor broke the kiss when I just had calmed down reasonably and looked at me smirking.  
"What did you want so say exactly?"  
"That...I hate you."  
"It just looked different." He chuckled but I pulled him to me again and captured his lips in a passionate kiss. Whatever he had done to me, he hadn´t satisfied my actual desire. My hands stroked along his torso and I hooked my fingers into the waistband of his thin linen trousers to take them off him. But suddenly Connor broke the kiss and grabbed my wrists.  
"Lillian. Stop."  
I paused confused and looked at him. And what was that about?  
"If you want to..." My words ended in a muffled mumbling as he suddenly pressed his hand on my mouth.  
"Quiet!"  
I froze while Connor´s head turned towards the window. At first I didn´t know what had startled him. But then I heard it. Muffled noises coming from the homestead and a voice that came nearer to the house. A fearful voice that called Connor´s name over and over again and its tone sent a shiver of fear down my spine.  
Something had happened.


	9. Chapter 9

_Hello :)_

 _The next chapter and my thanks for your support._

 ** _Reviews:_**

 ** _MohawkWoman:_** _Unfortunately I made some bad experiences with flame reviews where they tried to find every tiny "mistake" or inconstancy to criticize the whole story and talk bad about me. It´s sorted out by now but I guess it made me very careful. But thank you for saying that adjustments like this are okay. ;) And thank you very much for your regular reviews._

 ** _Luthlien:_** _Don´t apologize, I really don´t mind. ;) Thank you for this honoring words. They are a huge compliment._

* * *

 **Intruders**

It felt like I had experienced this before. Moments of togetherness with Connor which were interrupted by the bearer of terrible news. Back then it had been Caleb who had called Connor´s and my names to tell us that the templars had just attacked his grandfather´s house. On this day the boy had lost everything. And today? As if I was frozen I was sitting upright in bed and watched Connor quickly putting on his shirt, pants and shoes, before he stormed through the door. Only when I heard his loud steps on the staircase, life returned to my body again.  
I jumped out of the bed, tore the closet open, slipped into my nightgown and also wrapped myself into my dressing gown before I left the room, too and ran downstairs. Connor stood in the front door, an exhausted and heavily breathing Dr. White in front of him.  
"Go to Myriam and Norris. They need to know, too. Myriam shall bring her rifles. It is never too late to fight", Connor was just saying, his voice totally sober. White nodded and ran off towards the forest, to the house of the hunter and her family.

"What happened?", I asked and couldn´t stop my voice from sounding afraid. Why did the doctor come to us in the middle of the night? Why was Connor talking about fighting?  
"Come", Connor said shortly and crossed the hallway with large steps. I followed him, even when he opened the hidden door to the basement and went downstairs. With quick and precise movements, Connor slipped into his coat, buckled on his weapon belt and took tomahawk, pistol and even his rope dart. A long rope with a sharp blade on its end. I had never seen him fighting with it before.  
"What happened?" The fear in my voice became panic while I watched Connor and his preparations. He didn´t look at me, concentrating on each movement as he answered: "Do you remember the gang which attacked the villages in the frontier before our wedding? The one that escaped me?"  
I nodded.  
"They are here."  
It felt like my heart would stop for a moment and the colour vanished from my face. Here? Those bandits were here and plundered Davenport?  
I stared at Connor with wide eyes when he stepped to me and put his hands onto my shoulders.  
"Lillian. I want you to take Caleb and hide with him down here. Close the door and don´t come out. No matter what happens. Understood?"  
I nodded, still paralyzed. Connor gently put a hand to my cheek and kissed my forehead.  
"Konnorónhkhwa", he said and hurried upstairs one moment later. He didn´t hear my quiet "I love you, too" anymore and if I had known what was going to happen, I would have shouted it to him.

I ran upstairs as quickly as I could, hurried along the hallway, climbed the stairs to the first floor and stormed into Caleb´s room. The boy was sleeping like a rock and hadn´t noticed anything.  
"Caleb. Wake up." I shook him by his shoulders until he woke up grumbling.  
"What is it?", he mumbled but I had already grabbed him by his wrist.  
"You have to get up. Now."  
The urgency in my voice made him wide awake in an instant. He let himself be dragged out of his bed by me and with his hand in mine, I led him quickly out of his room and downstairs into the basement. There I paid careful attention that the door was closed and hoped that no one would notice the inconspicuous sconce next to the staircase, if someone should enter the house who wasn´t supposed to be here.  
"Come", I grabbed Caleb´s hand again and led him into the back of the basement, where Connor was storing his weapons. Normally this room scared me but now it appeared like the safest place on earth to me. But I couldn´t forget what was possibly happening outside. I still hadn´t told Caleb why we were hiding but of course I could feel that I was afraid myself. His blue eyes were full of panic and no matter how often he tried to play the strong young adult, it was obvious now that he was just a child. A scared eleven-year-old boy.  
"Lillian, what is this about? Where is Connor? Why are we hiding?"  
I could barely bear it how shaky his voice sounded and I gently wrapped my arms around him and pulled him to me. Should I really tell him what was going on? Wouldn´t I scare him even more? But Caleb was a smart boy. He wouldn´t believe me, if I would tell him that everything was not as bad as it seemed. He had experienced enough already to know it better.  
"The homestead is under attack", I said flatly and stroked through his blonde hair. A tremble ran through his body.  
"Under attack? By whom? The templars?"  
I shook my head. "No. They are just men who want to profit from the sorrow of others."  
"But Connor will beat them back, won´t he?" Caleb raised his head and gave me a hopeful look. I could see the glowing admiration for the assassin in his eyes. Connor was a hero for him. Inviolable and unbeatable. But even though I knew what a talented fighter my husband was, I had already seen him going down.  
But I tried to smile anyway and said: "He will do the best he can, as always."  
Caleb was satisfied with this answer and cuddled up to me. Silently we sat there and listened into the night. There was nothing to hear of what was happening outside. But I prayed inwardly that all our friends would stay unharmed. That this nightmare was over soon. I asked myself shortly if it was right to hide here while our friends needed help and other women and children weren´t safe maybe. But I hoped they were.

I didn´t know how long we were sitting here as I suddenly heard heavy steps over our heads. First my heart skipped a beat with joy because I thought that Connor had come back and was going to tell us that everything was alright again. But this hope was destroyed as I heard that the steps belonged to two men and their muffled voices were unknown to me. They were here. In our house.  
Pure fear spread through me and I pulled Caleb closer, who was as paralyzed as me.  
"Hush", I said unnecessarily because he didn´t make a sound.  
The men above us crossed the ground floor and I winced as I heard the cracking of wood, the clashing of broken glass and the clanging of objects which were thrown to the ground. Tears rose into my eyes. Where they here because they wanted to devastate everything? I felt sick with the thought that some strangers were walking through our home and showed no respect for our property. But this sick feeling became worse when one of them went upstairs to our private rooms. Were they going to rummage through our closets? Our clothing? I didn´t care if they would take something of my jewellery, the only material wealth I had. I just wanted them to leave or even better: That Connor came and drove them out. But now they were still moving through our house without hindrance.

The man who had gone upstairs came down again and this time I could hear their voices clearly because they seemed to stand right in front of the hidden door.  
"Did you find her?", one of them asked with a heavy accent which I didn´t recognize.  
"No." A nasal voice. "She must be with the other women who ran away."  
"Tom was sure that she wasn´t."  
"Maybe she ran somewhere else. To the coast or into the forest, who cares? I don´t waste my time with searching some hussy. Especially not if this savage could turn up here in every moment."  
"He´s busy. Has enough to do with the others."  
"But did you see him fighting? He´s an animal! Broke Grayson´s neck with his bare hand when he attacked him. Zap, he was gone. I don´t want to know what he would do when he finds us here. Especially not because of a woman. The boss isn´t quite right in his head. We never kidnapped any women before."  
"Damn it, Nick. Stop wailing." I heard a muffled noise and a quiet yelp from the nasal one.  
"We´re not here just because of the girl. The boss said, if we find her, we shall take her with us and if we don´t, we have done our job anyway."  
"Yes and she´s not here. So we can go. Who knows when the savage..."  
"Shut up!" The one with the accent seemed to have a quick-tempered soul because he was almost shouting. But even worse was the familiar cracking that sounded all of the sudden.

"Damn it, Pete!", cried the nasal one. "What have you done?"  
"Nothing! I...just wanted to strike this candleholder over your head."  
My heart beat painfully fast in my chest when I saw the flickering light of lamps that was shining down the staircase. They had opened the hidden door without knowing it.  
A tremble ran through Caleb´s body. "What now?", he whispered but I indicated to him to stay silent and kept listening. The men seemed to be unsure what to think about the staircase that was leading into the dark.  
"Maybe they have a torture chamber down there. Or the savage slaughters his victims for his dinner there. Scalps them or whatever."  
"Don´t talk such nonsense, Nick. The savages don´t eat men."  
"But you don´t rule out that they scalp people!" A muffled noise and a yelp again.  
"When you are such a coward, stay here. I will have a look around down there and you will keep watch."  
"You mean I will stay as the sacrificial lamp when the savage returns."  
Another yelp, then heavy steps which were coming downstairs.

Hastily I pushed Caleb into a corner between wall and shelf and indicated to him to press himself against the wall quietly. I did the same on the other side of the room and hoped that the darkness would help us hiding. A strong built man came down the stairs and stopped on the landing. The lamp in his hand flickered as he lifted it to enlighten the room. He uttered a whistle between his teeth and the voice of his comrade sounded from upstairs.  
"What is it, Pete? Torture chamber? Slaughterhouse?"  
"Looks like a training room." Pete approached the straw doll and punched it with his fist. "And here´s another coat with a hood like he wears it."  
He stepped to the opposite wall and tugged at the clothes on the wooden scaffold. They had belonged to Connor´s mentor once.  
"I would like to know what madmen are running around like this", he mumbled and stepped further into the room.

The light of his lamp shined into our direction now and I pushed myself closer against the wall. He uttered a whistle again.  
"Nick, you should see this. The savage has a complete arsenal." He stepped closer to the shelves and I held my breath anxiously. Now he was only a few metres away from Caleb and me. But for now he had only eyes for the weapons.  
"Pistols, swords, these strange axes...everything in a perfect state and of best smithery", Pete shouted to his friend upstairs and took one of the rapiers out of its holder and examined the blade in the light of his lamp. "If I wouldn´t know it better, I would say the savage is a soldier."  
"Do you think we could take something?", sounded it from upstairs but Pete had already put the rapier back. "We don´t need this stuff. Our equipment is good enough."  
He had a short look around the armoury and for a short, terrible moment I thought that he had seen us. He lifted his lamp shortly and held it into the room. Holding my breath, I pressed myself against the cold wall and stared at the light that stopped right before my feet. Caleb had also pulled back into his hideout and our scared gazes met each other for a short moment. But Pete lowered the lamp again and I heard him going back to the staircase. I allowed myself to take a deep breath as his heavy steps faded away. I heard how he said something to the nasal one but I couldn´t understand what it was. Had he spoken in another language? It didn´t matter. The most important thing to me was that their steps moved to the front door and finally weren´t to hear anymore.

"Thank God", I whispered and relaxed. Obviously the hidden door was still open and I asked myself, if it was wise to leave the basement. I doubted that they would come back because they hadn´t found what they had been looking for. Or whom...but I didn´t want to think about it. After a short consideration, I took a rapier out of a shelf and sneaked to the staircase. I listened closely but couldn´t hear anything that would indicate that there were still intruders in our house. Silently I beckoned Caleb over to me, who was still uncertain.  
"We will go upstairs and check if we can get into the homestead somehow."  
Caleb gave me a doubtful look. "But it´s safer here..."  
"Not when they come back. They know this room and here we have no possibilities to escape."  
I made a first step towards the staircase but Caleb grabbed my arm.  
"Lillian, I think...that´s not a good idea."  
He appeared entirely uncertain when I looked at him.  
"Well, the man...when he went upstairs, he said something on Gaelic. Almost everyone on Unst speaks Gaelic but because my family came from England, we only spoke English."  
I cocked my head. "Yes...and?"  
"I know some Gaelic and I think...well I only understood a few things but he said he had found something and that they want to bring it to their boss."  
I frowned. But the man hadn´t taken anything. So what did he want to bring to his boss? But no matter what it was, they were gone now.  
"Like I said, it´s easier to escape when we go upstairs. We will worry about the other things another time." I gave him a reassuring smile but Caleb didn´t seem to be convinced. But he followed me upstairs anyway.

It was still at night and because there were no lamps lighting up the house, I had to rely on the moonlight when I slowly walked through the hallway and had a look at each room, the rapier firmly in my hand. I wasn´t able to fight with it but nevertheless the blade gave me a feeling of safety and support as I saw what the men had done. The kitchen was covered with the fragments of broken dishes, they had smashed some of the old chairs in the dining room and in the parlour they had thrown almost all of the books from their shelves onto the floor. They had caused havoc randomly. But why? Why all the trouble without taking something? At least I thought that they hadn´t stolen anything. I hadn´t been upstairs by now.

I just wanted to do so, followed by Caleb, as my gaze fell onto something shining close to the open front door. I approached it slowly, kneeled down and took the small object. It was my wedding ring which I had put onto the washstand before going to bed like I always did. Had one of the men taken and lost it? I put it on frowning and just wanted to stand up when Caleb uttered a scared noise behind me. I whirled around in an instant, raising the rapier but froze nevertheless as I saw the tall, thin man who wore a scarf over the lower part of his face and had got Caleb in a headlock from behind. The boy was writhing in his grip and stared at me, his eyes wide in fear. But when I wanted to attack the man, I was also grabbed from behind and my right arm, which was holding the rapier, was painfully torn backwards. My hand opened reflexively and the rapier fell to the ground.

"Well, I wasn´t mistaken", the voice of Pete sounded in my ear. "First I thought I would see things in the shadows but obviously there was more hidden down there than I thought."  
He had got me in a headlock like his comrade had done with Caleb and I struggled for breath in panic while I tried to free myself from his grip. But the more I wriggled, the firmer Pete´s arm pressed against my throat.  
"What now?", the other asked, his name was Nick as I remembered, and pointed at Caleb. "We don´t need the boy."  
"So lock him up downstairs then. Or do you want to kill a child?"  
Nick shook his head but when he just wanted to drag Caleb to the basement, it felt like a sudden strength flowed through me which I hadn´t known until now. Instead of fighting against Pete´s grip, I tensed my whole body and thrust my head backwards in a jerky movement. The back of my head hit Pete´s nose and he let go with a loud curse just to find my knee in his most sensitive body region.

Groaning he slumped and I heard Nick swearing, too. I took the rapier from the floor but when I wanted to attack Nick again, he had pulled out a knife and held it against Caleb´s neck.  
"I would think twice", he growled with his nasal voice and I stopped. Pete behind me recovered slowly and so I didn´t have much time. Just on an impulse, that could have gone terribly wrong, I jumped forward and to my own surprise, the blade really hit Nick´s armed hand. Probably "hit" was the wrong word but it brushed it at least and caused a bleeding cut which was painful enough to make the man drop the knife and be distracted enough so that I could snatch Caleb away from him and storm towards the back door with the boy.  
"Here!" I pushed the rapier into his hand while we ran outside. "You´re faster than me. Run and get someone. If you see those bandits, forget it and just run away. Do you understand?"  
Caleb looked at me with wide eyes while we ran towards the main path to the homestead.  
"And what about you?", he asked. I heard how the men stormed out of the house behind us.  
"I will come after you, as good as I can. But you´re a faster runner than I am."  
It wasn´t even a lie. I could neither run really fast nor I could run with stamina and if Caleb should meet any enemies on the way, he was definitely better in avoiding them than I was. It was easier for him to reach our friends and just in case that Pete and Nick caught us, he wouldn´t get into their hands at least.

"Now run!" I gave Caleb a push into the back and the boy quickened his pace and ran down the path quickly. I for my part doubled back and ran over the wet meadow back to the house in one big curve. Pete and Nick followed me, not Caleb. As I had expected it. They really had been looking for me. For whatever reason, but now I had to try to escape them until Caleb had got help. But I soon realized that I barely had a chance. My pursuers weren´t faster than me but had a lot more stamina. I was already breathing heavily, I felt a stabbing pain in my side and my legs began to burn. Why the hell must I have such a weak condition? A glance over my shoulder showed me that Nick and Pete had split up. The latter had disappeared but where...?

A scared scream escaped my lips as I was suddenly torn to the ground from the side. Pete must have run a curve and now pressed me down with his whole weight. I kicked around wildly, screaming, beating him but he just kneeled onto my legs and pressed my arms to the ground.  
"Prickly bitch", he growled and glanced at Nick. "Give me your scarf so that at least this screaming ends."  
Nick did as he was told, pulled the scarf from his face and gave it to Pete who rolled it up a bit and gagged me. At least he tried. I threw my head back and forth but sometime Nick grabbed my hair roughly and forced me to keep still like that, when Pete pushed the stinking piece of fabric between my teeth and knotted it behind my head.  
"All right then. Much more pleasant." Even though his face was laying in the shadows for the most part, I could see his wide grin and felt how panic was spreading inside of me which I had suppressed in the first place. What did they want from me?

"And how are we supposed to get her to the meeting place?", Nick asked and Pete gave him an annoyed look.  
"Well, she´ll walk."  
"But she won´t do it willingly."  
"She doesn´t have to." Pete pulled out a knife, stood in front of me and pulled me by my arm onto my feet, pressing the blade against my throat.  
"One wrong wince and you´re dead, sweetheart", he growled and dragged me towards the forest and with that to the edge of the homestead. I stumbled beside him while I tried to catch a glimpse to the homestead. But we departed more and more from it and the manor quickly disappeared between the trees and from my view. Pete and Nick led me through the forest and I desperately thought of a possibility to escape. But with every step I felt the cold steel of Pete´s knife pressing against my throat and he was right. If I did one jerky movement, I wouldn´t be able to escape anyway. So my only hope was that Caleb had managed it to get help and that this help was Connor at best. He was capable of finding our trace in the forest in the middle of the night. I had once joined him on a hunt and had been fascinated of how he had read whole stories in every broken twig, every gnawed leaf and every tiny trace on the ground. He was able to tell exactly into which direction the animal had run and in most of the cases he was right. But would he be able to find people so quickly, too? I hoped so.

My hope vanished when we reached a small clearing where almost twenty horses were grazing. Five men were keeping watch over them and startled when we stepped out of the thicket. But they recognized their comrades and as their gazed fell upon me, they grinned.  
"Is this the girl the boss wanted?"  
"Yes, she is", Pete growled. "Where is he?"  
"Should be here soon. Already heard the signal for the retreat."  
Pete mumbled something and went to one of the horses. He took the knife from my neck but kept my arm in a firm grip while he began to rummage around in a saddlebag with his free hand. He pulled out two ropes, turned towards me and roughly began to tie my wrists together with one of the ropes. I wanted to pull them away but his grip was of iron and I whimpered when he pulled the rope so tight that it cut into my skin painfully. Then he grabbed me by my hips and lifted me onto the horse so that I sat sideward behind the saddle. He tied the other rope to the first one and knotted it at the saddle knob. The rope was long enough so that I could sit upright but if I should try to jump off the horse, my feet probably would be barely able to reach the ground.

Pete gave me another grim gaze before he turned his attention towards the forest. I heard the voices of several men and shortly afterwards, armed figures left the thicket. They ran directly to their horses and leaped into the saddles, even Nick and Pete turned away from me and mounted their horses.  
"Was everything alright?", one of the men who had watched over the horses asked nobody on particular.  
"We lost seven men but yes. Everything went according to plan. We roughed them up as we were supposed to do. Now let us go before someone follows us."  
This answer came from a man who wore a scarf over his mouth like Nick before and now approached the horse I was sitting at.  
"And I see, the other part of my plan worked as well", he said muffled under the fabric and when he pulled it from his face, I looked into a widely grinning face. "Hello, beautiful."  
Nathan.


	10. Chapter 10

**Look at you...**

If I had the possibility, I would have beaten this disgusting grin from Nathan´s face. I also would have spat at him but both were denied to me, thanks to the gag and the bonds. So I could only give him the most devastating gaze I was able to put on while he stopped next to me and looked me over, clicking his tongue.  
"Which idiot has sat you onto the horse like this?"  
He glanced over his shoulder to Pete who grimly steered his horse into our direction.  
"I thought you would sit in front of her in the saddle anyway."  
"And how is she supposed to grab hold or keep her balance, you fool?"  
Pete didn´t answer but his gaze became even grimmer. It seemed like he had a low opinion of Nathan and it made him almost likeable. Nathan himself looked at me again, an apparently apologetic smile on his lips.

"If you don´t do some things on your own, it´s never done right. Luckily some horses became available so the lady gets her own, of course."  
He pushed an arm under my knees, lifted me a bit and sat me into the saddle. Then he shortened the stirrup, pushed my left foot inside and the stirrup on the other side completely up. He paused for a moment and regarded my dressing gown with his head cocked. It had slid up a bit and granted a view on my naked knees. Nathan grabbed the hem with his fingertips and tugged it down again. What a gentleman.  
"Good", he said satisfied. "Hold on and I will do the rest."  
He grabbed the reins of the horse I was sitting at and led it to the others.  
When he just wanted to get into the saddle, a whizzing and the cry of pain of a man sounded from the edge of the clearing. All gazes turned towards their source and it became clear that the cry of pain had rather been a cry of death. A rope, weighted with a blade had wrapped around the unlucky one´s neck and I only saw his wide eyes before he was torn up into the trees, when a figure in the white clothes of an assassin jumped to the ground with the end of the rope in its hand.  
A death rattle, the legs of the man wriggled and then everything was silent. The dead body landed on the ground with a muffled noise as the rope was released.

Again it was deadly silent on the clearing while the bandits stared at the assassin with a mixture of anger and horror and I just looked at him with relief. Connor pulled out his tomahawk, rotated it around its own axis and then pointed at Nathan with its blade.  
"You", he growled. "You are behind all this, I should have known it." His gaze slid to me. "Let her go and give up."  
Connor and his unshakable idealism. He always hoped to solve conflicts with words first, before proceeding to action. But couldn´t he expect that Nathan wouldn´t give up just like that? That he wouldn´t do it was proven after the assassin´s words.  
Nathan leaped into the saddle, grabbed the reins of my horse additionally and pointed at a group of six men who were sitting motionless on their horses, close to Connor.  
"Take care of him!", their boss shouted at them and thrust his heels into his horse´s flanks. I barely saw how Connor started to sprint into our direction, while the men steered their horses towards him, as my horse started moving and ran along Nathan´s in full gallop.

The sudden jerk that went through the horse´s body, had almost thrown me out of the saddle, but I had the good sense to cling to the saddle knob and now I tried to get my balance back. A fall would have meant my certain death because I was still tied to the saddle. I would fall between the horse´s legs and so I had no other choice than keeping my balance and watching helplessly how Connor became smaller behind us. He was fast but the six remaining men on their horses had surrounded him and he had to get rid of them before he could follow us. But he would be barely able to manage the latter. Nathan and his remaining comrades were amazingly good in manoeuvre their galloping horses through the dense groups of trees, even Nathan with mine as a near horse. Soon we had reached the main path through the forest and I couldn´t see anything from Connor and the other men and tears burned in my eyes. I had hoped so much that he would put an end to Nathan´s game and free me. But how should he do it on foot? We would be gone already before he could go back to Davenport and take a horse. The only hope I had was that the horses weren´t able to keep on this pace for ever. Sometime they needed to rest and if Connor followed our trace, he could catch up with us. But Nathan must have thought of this, too. On the next fork of the path, he gave a signal and the group split up. One part took the left path, while we took the right. If it had been difficult for Connor to find our trail before, they had misled him now.

* * *

How long we were riding and how many miles we left behind us, I didn´t know it. I had given up the try to remember my environment because sometime I was rather busy with myself. Even though the horses weren´t galloping anymore and we were moving either trotting or in walk, it was difficult for me to stay in the saddle. I really was used to it to ride side-saddle and had done several hour-long ride outs in the past. But the saddle I was sitting in wasn´t a side-saddle. The seat wasn´t made for sitting sideward on it, my right leg hadn´t the support from the horn. It was only supported from my left leg whose foot was in the stirrup. Every time I felt that I slipped to the side, I lifted myself with my arms and my left leg against my own weight and again and again I asked myself, if the saddle itself could start to slip sometime. I felt how my strength vanished more and more and I knew that it was only a matter of time until I would fall. But no matter if he had noticed my struggle or not, at the break of dawn Nathan gave the signal and we left the road and moved into the forest.

On a clearing the men reined their horses in and after Nathan had dismounted and had ordered that the men erect a camp, he came to me, untied the rope from the saddle knob and lifted me from the saddle. When he put me down, my legs were so shaky that I fell directly into his arms again what he couldn´t let pass without comment.  
"So devoted all of the sudden?" Nathan put on his dirty grin again. "You could have had it earlier, beautiful."  
He lifted me onto his arms again and didn´t care about my kicking and writhing. He just pressed me closer against himself what didn´t make me calm down. I really wanted to curse him but suppressed this desire. I was only wearing my night gown and my dressing gown, was tied, gagged and had to be carried by a creep because I was basically too tired to walk on my own. All of this was demeaning enough so no muffled sound was going to escape my lips through the gag.

Nathan sat me down by a tree, tightened the rope around my wrists and used the rope, which had been tied at the saddle knob, to tie my ankles. Angry I tried to kick at him but he kneeled onto my legs and a muffled cry of pain came over my lips because he used his whole weight to keep my legs down.  
"Don´t take it amiss but we don´t want you to escape, don´t we?", he said when he stood up finally and kneeled down beside me. Cocking his head he looked at me and reached out his hand to loosen the gag.  
"I think we don´t need this. If you cry or try to do something else with your pretty mouth, it´s going to be unpleasant for you. Unless whatever you want to do is to my advantage of course." A dirty grin again and if I could, I would have stabbed him with my gaze. But when this disgusting piece of fabric was finally out of my mouth, I just pressed my lips together and suppressed the desire to spit at him because I took his threat serious. Nathan appeared unpredictable and quick-tempered to me and I didn´t want to expose myself to his anger while I was sitting defenceless in front of him. Even though I didn´t want to confess it: I was afraid of him. Especially because I didn´t know what he wanted from me. Had he kidnapped me to take what I had refused him? I felt sick with the thought and pressed my legs together in an unconscious action. As if I could protect myself from an assault like that. Nathan seemed to notice it and now I saw scorn in his eyes.  
"Do you think I will pounce on you?" He laughed joylessly and leaned a bit forward. His breath brushed my cheek as he laid his lips against my ear and murmured: "There is a place and time for everything, beautiful." This laugh again and together with his words, it sent a shiver of fear down my spine.

* * *

Six days passed, we left Boston behind us and were now close to New York. Nathan and his men paid careful attention to avoid the towns and villages and a few men were the vanguard who warned the others, if there were people nearby. We left the street then and hid in the forest. A large group of men who had a tied woman with them would attract too much attention. I couldn´t call any attention to myself because every time, Nathan pressed a hand against my mouth and a knife against my throat. So I could only watch people passing by who could have helped me. I spent the time on the horseback in silence, concentrated on keeping my balance and don´t showing any weakness because after three days, I felt miserable. I was constantly freezing, despite the coat Nathan had given me. The ropes had already chafed the skin of my wrists and ankles to the blood, I barely slept and felt like I was starving and dying of thirst. Nathan often offered me something to drink and eat but I refused likewise often. I questioned it myself, but somehow it felt like I would show weakness if I accepted. But maybe I just hoped that I wouldn´t care about anything sometime, if I was just weak enough.

Because every evening we camped somewhere, I feared that Nathan could abuse me. He always sat me down aside the camp so that we were undisturbed, as he said. Then he came to me, kneeled next to me and enjoyed it to agonise me. Not through pain, no. In the contrary. He stroked through my hair, played with my curls, stroked over every piece of bare skin he could reach and not only once he had the boldness to push my night and dressing gown up a bit and stroked over my thighs. But every time I thought that he wanted to expose me, he stopped, rearranged everything and said this one sentence: "There is a place and time for everything, beautiful."  
He knew that I was afraid and he enjoyed playing with it.  
But I had nothing to fear of Nathan´s men. They had the strict order to keep away from me and they did. All in all they were six men left. From the six men who had stayed behind to take care of Connor, only two had returned. They had fled but claimed that they had wounded the assassin enough to force him to retreat instead of following them. Nathan had slit their throats for their cowardice.  
I didn´t want to believe that Connor really was wounded. Every evening in the camp, I listened into the environment and hoped with every rustling, every cracking noise in the undergrowth that he would storm out and rescue me. But he never came and the farther we travelled, the lower my hope, that he would find us, became. But I still didn´t want to give it up. I knew that Connor would do everything to find us and bring me home. I needed to stand it so long but I also wasn´t entirely idly in terms of escaping plans.

I often thought about how I could escape but until now, none of my plans had been viable. Nathan was smart and made every effort to withdraw every opportunity from me. He checked my bonds doubly and more, searched my environment for every object I could use to loosen them and instructed the guards to always have an eye on me. He himself always chose a fireplace close to me. Also in this evening he followed this concept but he made one mistake: He didn´t check my bonds.  
Like after every day on the horseback the rope around my wrists had loosened. Not so much that I could move my hands but enough to give me the possibility to undo them with some skill. I thought of that as Nathan had tied my ankles, had played his games with me and had finally gone to sleep. I lay down, too but kept my eyes on the guards close to the fire. I was laying aside the light so that they could see my silhouette at best and when I saw that Nathan had turned his back to me sleeping, I lifted my wrists to my lips and tried to undo the knots of the bond with my teeth.

First I squinched up my face because of the disgusting taste in my mouth. Leather, horse, blood and my own sweat. But when I felt how the first knot actually loosened, I forget every kind of disgust. I also undid the second knot with some effort and I had to suppress a sigh of relief when the bonds fell from my wrists. Still having an eye on Nathan and the men, I pulled my knees to my chest and fumbled with the rope around my ankles. These knots were tight and it took half an eternity but finally my legs were freed, too. My heart beat wildly in my chest. I wasn´t tied anymore, but what now? Leap up and just run off? Slowly crawl into the thicket and run? Or risk it to reach the horses which were tied up not far from me?  
The latter was risky but if I could get onto one of the horses without being noticed, I would have the moment of surprise with me. I could flee before the men knew what was happening. On horseback I furthermore had more chances to get away far enough than on foot. Because I was weak. I never would be able to run fast and long enough. I had to risk it.

I kept watching the guards and Nathan while I crawled slowly over the ground to the horses. They weren´t saddled but at least bridled and were peacefully and partly sleeping. When I reached the first one I stood up slowly and carefully stroked over the animal´s nostrils when it snorted noisily. A short look to the guards told me that they hadn´t noticed anything until now and also Nathan was still deeply asleep.  
"Easy", I whispered when I untied the reins and laid them over the horse´s neck. No I had only one problem: How should I mount it without stirrups? Again I swore about being a small person.  
Carefully I led the horse slightly away from the others and to my fiendish joy, the men by the fire were the worst guards in history. One of them was sleeping while the other one stared into the void and seemed to be somewhere else in his thoughts. Close to the horses was a small rock. Its surface was smooth but barefooted I had no problems with climbing it and pulled myself onto the horseback. When I sat, I felt euphoria rising inside of me and grinned widely, but there was still one thing I had to do: To dare the escape.

The reins firmly in my hands, I additionally clung onto the soft mane, sent a short grateful prayer to my grandfather, who had allowed me to be a child on a bare horseback during all my summers in the country instead of a distinguished lady in long robes and on a side-saddle. Then I thrust my heels into the horse´s sides. It neighed and leaped forward, past its comrades and through the camp where the men finally noticed that something was wrong. I heard them swearing and shouting when I rode past them in full gallop and headed for the edge of the forest. My euphoria grew with every metre I came closer to the road, but when I just broke through the undergrowth, I heard the clatter of hooves behind me. They neither had taken their time to saddle the horses and were following me.  
"Come on!", I shouted at my horse which really quickened up its pace. Its hooves clattered in a wild rhythm onto the street and I felt its muscles working intensively. It sensed my own exertion and it urged it to maximum effort but our pursuers were still after us. With a glance over my shoulder I saw that Nathan was leading them and I winced when I saw something metallic flashing up in his hand. I had no time to react when a loud shot sounded.

The horse underneath me screamed when the bullet tore the upper muscle of its right hind leg and I was also thrown to the side, when it collapsed and instinctively I rolled away from it before it could fall on me and I stayed laying in the dirt, trembling and staring at the animal. I could see the white in its eyes, it breathed heavily and tried to stand up in panic. But it had broken its foreleg which lay in an unnatural angle. I was unharmed but paralyzed by shock and fear. I heard how the other horses came nearer but I only had eyes for the suffering animal next to me. Steps came closer, then I saw Nathan´s boots and I winced when another shot sounded. Now the horse was laying still. Dead.  
An uncontrollable sob found its way outside through my throat. Then another and before I could prevent it, I burst into tears. My mind screamed that I had to stop, that I had to stay strong but my body didn´t obey. It trembled, was shaken by my crying and I was struggling for breath because my neck felt like it was laced up.

Tears blurred my vision when Nathan approached me, kneeled down next to me, brought me to my feet and forced me to look at him. His gaze was icy when he clicked his tongue.  
"Oh, beautiful. I thought you were smarter. Did you really think that you could escape? Did you really think if you steal a horse, we couldn´t follow you?" He shook his head almost sympathetically. "You should have thought twice."  
He grabbed my arm roughly and tore me upwards. After I´d had the feeling that I wasn´t able to move anymore, life returned to my body now.

I screamed at him, struck out at him, kicked at him and tried to writhe out of his grip. But his expression just darkened and clenching his jaws in anger, he pushed me backwards against a tree, laid his hand around my throat and choked me. I uttered a rasping breath, gave up my defence and stared at him wide-eyed. In his gaze lay pure anger. Just exactly the anger I had been afraid of and which also scared me now.  
"Don´t carry it too far", Nathan hissed. "I don´t mind changing my plans for you and it could become really uncomfortable. So: Don´t challenge me, you little bitch."  
Plans? What plans? Until now we had been riding around, apparently aimlessly and I had never learned something about the gang´s next steps. When he wanted only me, what were his plans then?

I laid my hands around his fingers which were choking me and tried to loosen their grip.  
"Please!", I uttered. "Whatever you want from me, for goodness sake, take it."  
Tears ran over my cheeks and every pride was forgotten when I looked at him pleadingly. I just wanted it to end. I couldn´t be proud anymore.  
A bitter smile played about Nathan´s lips when he came closer to my face.  
"You want that, don´t you?", he asked and I nodded shakily. Did I have a choice? My escape had failed. I was just tired and had the naive hope that he would let me go, if he got what he wanted. There could be no talk of wanting it and a short whimper came over my lips when Nathan´s free hand roamed over my torso, while his face came even closer to mine.  
"So you give up your resistance?", he asked. His breath brushed my face and our lips touched slightly when he spoke. "You really want to spread your legs? You want that?"  
I nodded reluctantly but he choked me again. "I want you to answer."  
"Y...yes", I cawed and a diabolic smile appeared on Nathan´s lips.  
"I thought so."

The hand, which had explored my torso, disappeared and Nathan pulled away without loosening the grip around my throat. "I said that all women give in sometime and I judged you correctly, too. You only need to be under pressure and you begin to cry and to whimper and before you know it, you´re lying down willingly. Nothing more than a cheap whore but she let herself be paid at least."  
He let me go and gave me a disparaging gaze when I sank to my knees coughing. My legs were shaking and refused to carry me.  
"In your homestead you could hide behind strong men and your savage. But now? Look at you. A miserable woman who would have given herself to me. And why? For her freedom? So that I will leave her alone? Was that the kind of relationship you had to your oh so beloved husband? He scared you and you let him do it with you? Is that everything a man has to do?"  
He grabbed my arm again and forced me to stand up. Icy and scornfully he looked into my eyes.  
"Don´t worry. Like I already said it before: I don´t want a woman who did it with a mangy dog but don´t worry: I will bring you to a place, far enough from the savage. Where you can be who you are and where nobody will judge you. Just have faith, beautiful."


	11. Chapter 11

**Helltown**

 _Five days later_

"Well then. As soon as we have crossed the river, you will ride directly to the meeting point. I´m going to complete the thing with the girl and will follow you then."  
Nathan gave each of his men an insistent gaze while we were standing at the bank of the Schuylkill River and waited for the ferry which should bring us to the other side. There I could already see the roofs and the chimneys of the city the men had chosen as their destination: Philadelphia. The third larger city I visited in America and if I could decide, I could go without this questionable luck.  
"The others won´t be happy that we´re so late", Pete said and showed once more that he didn´t have a high opinion about Nathan. "We could have been here already, if he hadn´t spent time dealing with her. I´m curious how you want to explain that."  
Nathan didn´t answer but only gave Pete an angry look.

I had quickly found out that my kidnapping hadn´t been what the other men would have wished. They just had wanted to attack Davenport and disappear as soon as possible. But Nathan had ordered them to get me for some reasons even they didn´t know and they took it amiss. They didn´t miss an opportunity to complain that I hindered their journey and their actual plans, which I didn´t know and that they had lost more of their comrades during the actually unnecessary meeting with Connor. It quickly became aware to me that Nathan maybe was the boss of this group, but that they were all at somebody else´s service and if they were talking about a meeting point, they would probably meet this person in Philadelphia. But for me there wouldn´t be a meeting. Now I expected with fear what Nathan had planned for me.

He undid my bonds, lifted me from the horse and put his coat on me, which I was supposed to wrap tightly around me so that I didn´t attract even more attention in my unusual appearance than I would do anyway.  
"You know what will happen if you should make a sound or any fuss?"  
I nodded. And how I knew it.  
The attempted escape on horseback hadn´t stayed the only one. When we had camped close to New York, I had surprised Nathan with a kick into his groin before he had been able to bond my ankles and had run to the city. I had reached the agricultural outer districts and managed it to attract the attention of two soldiers. I had been relieved to reach them before Nathan and his men could have caught me. I had already seen me on my way home, but everything had been different.  
First the soldiers had wanted to arrest me for alleged obscenity and they just hadn´t wanted to believe that I had been only in my night and dressing gown because I had been kidnapped from my house, even though my wrists had been still bonded. When Nathan had reached us, he had shown again what a smart scumbag he was. He had played the concerned husband whose mentally ill wife had run away from him. He had told the soldiers the moving story that he had to care for me on his own and even had to tie me to the bed so that I couldn´t run away. Only on this day I had managed it to escape and he had apologized to the soldiers who had believed his story without further ado. No matter how often I had asserted that he lied, they hadn´t believed me. Why should they believe a hysteric woman who was running around barefooted? Probably I wouldn´t have believed me either. They had let us go and when we had been back in the camp, Nathan had shown once more what kind of man he really was. He had insulted me, had dragged me to my sleeping place by my hair and had struck several times into my face, so hard that I had feared that I could spit out a tooth soon. But in the end I only had a swollen eye, a bruise on my chin and a chapped upper and lower lip. Basically I was glad that I hadn´t a mirror because I must look terrible. Probably as terrible as I felt. Nathan had finally degraded me and now that I was too far away from home, I didn´t want to cause any more problems.

When the ferry stopped in front of us and we entered it, I kept my head down when Nathan led me past the ferryman who noticed my desolate condition anyway.  
"Is the lady alright?", he asked suspiciously. "Why are so many men travelling with one woman?"  
"We met each other accidentally on the road. My wife and I are travelling alone but you don´t need to be worried about her. She´s...well..." He patted my arm. "Unfortunately not quite herself, you know?"  
The ferryman mumbled something but didn´t ask further questions. Were people really so gullible? Did you just have to tell them a story they could be satisfied with and didn´t need to think about? Bloody hell! I didn´t wear shoes, I was injured, I was dirty. Mentally ill or not, what kind of loving husband let his wife walk around like this?

When the ferry docked on the other side of the river, the group finally separated. Nathan´s men took a path to the edge of the city while Nathan sat me onto the horse again and we rode into the city. Philadelphia was an almost overcrowded city. The streets were full of people moving into every direction and over the people´s voices; sounded the constant rumbling of carts, the clattering of horseshoes on the partly paved streets, the occasional ringing of church bells and the regular marching when a soldier patrol passed by. So much life on one spot and I asked myself, if I had the possibility to call attention to myself. But did I have a chance? Certainly Nathan would make me out to be his mental ill wife again and punish me for my attempt. So no matter what I was thinking, no matter what I planned regarding to an escape, I did nothing. I sat silently on my horse, my gaze lowered, while Nathan steered us through the city.

It felt like we crossed the entire city of Philadelphia and probably we did. Sometime I noticed the almost familiar scent of a harbour which I still knew from London and my nose didn´t deceive me. The first warehouses and masts appeared in front of us and soon we rode along the Delaware River, which was flowing sluggish and cloudy. Almost like the Thames in my native city. Even the cityscape was similar to London, even though I had the feeling that everything was a bit more down-and-out. Drunken sailors staggered bawling through the streets and disappeared with young ladies in some alleys sometimes. Beggars, crippled or even unharmed, sat or stood around and not only once we were followed by these ragged figures who were asking for some coins. A pitiful sight and I asked myself if it was looking like this everywhere along the river. I knew that Philadelphia was built along the Delaware River but I had no imagination of the city´s extent and how the people were living here. Nathan on the comparison seemed to know it.

"Welcome to Helltown", he said with a smug smile and made a wide gesture towards this shabby district. "Philadelphia´s dump where the scum of the society comes in a never-ending stream."  
I thought of something like that. It didn´t seem like most of the people were here voluntarily. The ones who looked like they wouldn´t belong to this "scum of the society" crossed Helltown with their heads down, their hands probably put to hidden weapons, just in case they got attacked. I for my part was glad to sit on horseback and for the very first time, I was even glad to have Nathan by my side. I would have never come here alone.

But this joy vanished as Nathan stopped in front of a building which looked like an ordinary tavern from outside. He dismounted his horse and lifted me from the saddle, but when he wanted to go to the building´s entrance, I braced my feet against the muck covered ground and refused to go with him. "First, tell me what we want here."  
It was the first time long since that I made a protest and I winced involuntarily when Nathan´s expression hardened and his eyes started to sparkle dangerously.  
"We want nothing here. I will hand you over and leave again."  
"What do you mean with you will hand me over? Why did you bring me here anyway, if you wanted nothing from me?"  
I was still bracing my feet against his grip with all my strength while I tried to understand his words. But Nathan didn´t intend to keep withholding his plans from me. He grabbed my arm tighter and pulled me to him in one go, his face only a few centimetres away from mine.  
"I already told you that I will bring you to a place where you fit in perfectly. Here..." He pointed at the entrance door. "...end up all the poor lost souls like you, who either have fallen from grace, find no place in the society or just no man who supports them. I think basically you belong to all of the three categories."  
My gaze slid to the building and all at once I knew what was inside of it.  
"A brothel? You hand me over...to a brothel?"  
My voice was only croaking all of the sudden while satisfaction was spreading over Nathan´s face.  
"The whore to the whores, correct."  
"But why? Why did you make the effort to kidnap me just to bring me here then?"  
Nathan laughed hollowly. "Because I wanted to see exactly this expression on your face. Did you think that I let a woman mock me like you did? You and your savage? You showed me up, not only in front of my men and now you´re paying the price. I would have loved to see you bleeding but I thought this way is much more effective. He can´t protect you anymore and you will soon regret that you rejected me."

Dumbfounded I stared at him and for the first time, I felt how anger replaced my fear again. He felt demeaned? Because I had rejected him and Connor had called him to account for his insults? That was why he had made such a fuss? Because of his hurt pride?  
"A child", I uttered and looked at him with open contempt. "You are nothing else but a little child. An offended boy who believes he has to take revenge because somebody stole his toy. What a coward searches his satisfaction in kidnapping a woman, only to send her into a brothel? As far away from the man who could punish him for it as possible. If you think I will put up with it, you are mistaken."  
Now Nathan´s face was a mask of anger and I gasped shortly as fist arm closed painfully tight around my arm. "We´ll see about that", he growled, threw the door open and pulled me inside.

There the brothel also reminded of a tavern at first. We stood in a large, shabby seating area where some men were sitting at their tables and enjoyed their ale. The air was clouded by tobacco smoke that stung the eyes and I could see an innkeeper behind a bar, who wiped over the surface with a greasy rag. A broad staircase led winding to the next floor and when I looked up, I saw several young women who lounged by the balustrade and looked down to us. Probably they had heard that the entrance door had opened and expected their next customer in Nathan. They regarded me with suspicion and I couldn´t say that I felt comfortable under their gazes.

Nathan led me to the bar where he asked the innkeeper about a certain Victoire.  
"Upstairs", the innkeeper grumbled as an answer and nodded at me. "Who´s that?"  
"I will talk about her with Victoire, if you don´t mind." Nathan gave the man a smug smile before he pulled me to the staircase. The women had already left their lookout and stood in open doors, giving Nathan bright smiles which he seemed to enjoy immensely.  
"Good day, ladies", he greeted while he led me through the hallway. We came past some closed doors and I tried to suppress the feeling of nausea as more than unambiguous noises got to my ear through some of the doors. I really shouldn´t be here.

Finally Nathan knocked at a door on the other end of the hallway and when a hoarse female woman granted admission, he opened it and pushed me inside. The room we entered seemed to be a bedroom and an office at once. A broad bed stood on the one, a likewise broad desk on the other side and these two pieces of furniture alone filled the whole room entirely. Everything here was also clouded by tobacco smoke but the fragrance of a heavy perfume meddled in its scent. It seemed like it had been sprayed to cover any stench that could stick to the air but instead, the mixture of the smell of tobacco and perfume alone was one sharp stench. Nathan and I stopped in front of the closed door and looked to the desk, where a quite corpulent lady sat and talked to a young woman who was standing in front of her.  
"It wasn´t the first time that he came and refused to pay", the young woman just said and according to her voice and posture, she was more than irritated. "I´ve told him so often that I want to see the money first, but he becomes cheeky and starts to threaten me. And what about Bert? When I tell him that this scumbag is threatening me, he just shrugs his shoulders and keeps on polishing his mugs. He is supposed to keep such guys away from here."  
The lady behind the desk had silently listened to these complains but was more occupied with writing something into a book that was laying open in front of her. Even when the young woman had already finished, she kept on writing and only when she put the feather aside, she raised her head and looked at her person opposite.  
"What do you want me to say, Joanne? If you know that this guy doesn´t pay, why are you paying attention to him then? Ignore him and turn to another man."  
"So that he can do the same thing with one of the others?" The young woman, Joanne, snorted. "Bert should throw him out the next time and you should order it."  
"I will decide that on my own." The lady looked sourly. "If you don´t mind, I still have enough to do and as you can see, we´re not alone. So take care of your work now and we will talk about it another time."  
Joanne stared at her for a moment before she turned away with an irritated sound and pushed herself past Nathan and me to the door. Not without giving us a furious gaze, as if we were responsible for every man who didn´t want to pay for her service.

As the door had closed loudly behind Joanne, the lady at the desk indicated to us that we should come closer but her expression was anything but friendly. All in all she gave no friendly impression. The dress she was wearing seemed to be appropriate to the fashion at court once. But now it was stained, the embroidery at the neckline had loosened for the most part and furthermore it seemed like her breasts wanted to burst the dress. It was too tight for her massive body and I feared that the fabric would give in, if she should do a wrong move. Like standing up, for example. The wig on her head had seen better times, too. It was speckled yellow, some hairs had loosened from the bouffant hairstyle and the whole thing lay crooked on its bearer´s head. Regularly something white trickled down onto her shoulder and I hoped that it was just powder, which she also had plentifully on her face. She was so heavily powdered that you could see every single grain on her skin. The red colour on her furrowed lips was smeared and when she opened her mouth to speak, I saw that she had some red on her yellow teeth, too. All in all this woman looked like she wanted to keep the appearance of a distinguished lady but she just didn´t fulfil it. But I doubted that she was aware of that because she behaved very authoritarian.

"Nathan. Are you here to finally pay your debt? Sixty pounds, if you can´t remember." The gaze she was giving him was more than icy. It looked like she would like to take her feather and ram it into his eye. But Nathan didn´t let himself be swayed. He had put on a bright smile and indicated a bow assumed politely.  
"But Victoire, my dear. Of course I didn´t forget it. But you know how business goes in these days. Everything is a bit more complicated and difficult."  
Victoire snorted. "You and your businesses. We both know that you´re a sly dog. I don´t care about your difficulties. I want my money. You´re not allowed to choose a girl before, but it seems like you have got your own remedy." The gaze of her cold eyes slid to me. "Who´s this pitiful creature that has to endure your company?"

Nathan glanced at me who stood a bit aside the desk. He hadn´t lost his smile, in the contrary. It became wider. "These are my sixty pounds and maybe an encounter between me and the lovely Gloria. She certainly missed me already."  
Victoires eyebrows rose and the fine, white ripple onto her shoulders increased when she began to shake her head. "First of all, Gloria isn´t here anymore. She let a vegetable merchant put a ring on her finger and now she lives the life of a proper housewife and second..." She leaned a bit forward so that you got the impression that her breasts were going to find their way out of her dress soon. "...how can you think that you could give me a girl as payment? Slavery in Pennsylvania was abolished years ago, apart from the fact that she doesn´t look like a slave. All my girls are here voluntarily and wherever you got her: I don´t want her as long as she doesn´t want to stay and I especially don´t want her when you think, that I would forget your debts."

That was at least a statement I could live with. That Nathan had brought me here was terrible enough. But that he had offered me as a way to pay his debts, had shocked me. No, I certainly wasn´t a slave and especially not an object that you could use as you wished. I was relieved that Victoire didn´t want to accept this deal, even though I didn´t know that it was going to mean for me in the end. Nathan didn´t give up yet.  
"But Victoire", he began with a mellifluous voice. "Think about it. You told me once that your girls are almost running away from you and as I could see, the selection isn´t as promising as it once was. A new face could be advantageous and I think..." He stepped to me and pushed me further to the desk. "Look at her. She might have...suffered a bit during the last days but if you dress her nicely, wash her and do her hair, she could earn you more money than your renegade girls ever did together."  
Now I really felt like a cattle that was extolled on the market.

But Victoire was not impressed although she was scrutinizing me now. "And she got the bruises and the grazes on her wrists because she´s so clumsy, didn´t she?" She snorted. "I don´t even know if I want to know how the poor girl got in your hands. Are you with him willingly? Be honest."  
Her gaze seemed to go through me but I didn´t want to lie anyway. I didn´t know why, but somehow I felt safe from Nathan´s anger at the moment. I had the feeling that he couldn´t harm me here and that was absurd actually, in face of the fact that he just tried to sell me to this house.  
"No, Ma´am. I´m not."  
Victoire nodded and looked at Nathan again who appeared really tensed now. "Like I said, I don´t want to know her story. But let me tell you one thing: I will not let myself be taken for a fool by you. You will pay your debts and you will do it with money, not with some stupid games. I will keep her anyway, but not to do you a favour."  
"Oh really? And who says that I will leave her to you?", Nathan asked scornfully. Every kind of feigned respect had disappeared now because he saw his plans fail.  
"What do you want with her? You said that you have to do businesses and by the look of things, you already had your fun. You will go, I will delay your debts and she stays. If you have something against it, you can talk to Bert about it. He was already glad to wipe the floor with you the last time."

With these words, Nathan´s gaze slid to me and his jaws worked tensely. Did he feel caught because he obviously had trouble in this house before, which hadn´t been good for him in the end? I would have laughed if this conversation wouldn´t be about my stay here. Normally I would have insisted on a say in it but what were my alternatives? Still being subjected to Nathan or having unexpected help by the owner of a brothel, as long as "She stays" didn´t mean that I had to work for her. At least she had something against Nathan in her hands and that made her my strongest ally against him. But by the look of things, he was already struggling. Maybe he remembered that his men had spoken out against me. If he returned with me, they would probably ultimately turn against him.  
"Well then", he uttered. "She became annoying anyway." Nathan rose to his full size and gave Victoire a cold gaze. "I wish you all the best with her."  
He turned away and intended to leave, but stopped next to me, bent forward and put his lips to my ear.  
"If you think that you´re out of the wood, beautiful: Things weren´t like I planned them but don´t have too much hope that you could go back to your savage soon. Who gets to Helltown once, doesn´t leave this place so quickly."  
And so he pulled his coat from my shoulders and disappeared. Not without shutting the door loudly behind him.


	12. Chapter 12

_Hello again :)_

 _With the last chapter I forgot to mention that I began to do some illustrations of my fanfictions with Lillian and Connor. If you´re interested, you can find me on deviantart as **Ayanna2495**. _

**_Reviews:_**

 ** _Luthlien:_** _I totally agree with you. I neither like the way women were treated back then, but unfortunately it´s still an issue today in some parts of society. But of course Nathan´s doings were quite exaggerated and an childish act of hurt pride. I won´t tell if we´re done with him yet. ;) Maybe, but maybe not._

* * *

 **The only way?**

After Nathan had left, I stood undetermined in front of the large desk and endured Victoire´s scrutinizing gazes. Should I thank her? I wasn´t in Nathan´s hands anymore at last but I was still in a brothel, hundred miles away from home. The only question was if the woman in front of me was able to help me with getting there. Now she leaned a bit back in her chair and played with the ring on one of her fat fingers.  
"Well, girl", she started. "What´s your name? You´re not from here, aren´t you? How I know Nathan, he certainly brought you as far away from any problems as possible before he brought you here."  
The tone in which she was talking about this man was more than scornful and it gave me this feeling again, that I could trust her basically. Even though my first impression of her had scared me off.

"My name is Lillian Kenway", I began to answer her questions. "And no, I´m not from here. My home is near Boston and I have to go back there."  
Victoire nodded slowly and on an impulse, I stepped a bit closer to the desk and looked at her pleadingly. "I have to send a message home or maybe take a carriage to get there. I don´t know this city but maybe you could help me. I would be very grateful."  
"Do you have money?"  
I blinked surprised about this question and shook my head, which made Victoire smile bitterly. "So you don´t have many possibilities then. You can neither send a message nor you can take a carriage. Furthermore, look at you. You wouldn´t be able to come even a few metres wide on these streets, much less into a post office or a carriage in the way you´re running around."  
"Well, maybe you could..."  
"I can´t do anything." Victoire shook her head determined. "Where do you think you are? We´re not a poor house. I don´t have money to waste."  
"But I do have money. As soon as I am home, I can..."  
"Of course you can." My person opposite had raised a hand and gave me a smug gaze. "How many times do you think I hear this sentence? Most of all from some guys who think that the services of my girls are for free. I won´t waste money on you, hoping naively that I will get it back." She shook her head again. "I can only make you the offer that you can stay here first. You will get clothes, a roof over your head and will be supplied. You have to work for me for that. You will get a share of the money you´re earning and as soon as you have the money for a message or your journey home, you can leave. None of my girls is forced to stay but if they stay, they have to work for it."

I stared at Victoire almost disbelievingly. Did I hear right? She didn´t want to help me as long as I didn´t work in her establishment? It had to be a bad joke.  
"I certainly will not work for you", I uttered angrily but Victoire wasn´t impressed.  
"You don´t have to. You´re free to decide but remember that you have to go and are not allowed to come back then. You will be on your own."  
I snorted indignantly. "Fine. Everything is better than your offer." In a jerk I turned away and went back to the door but Victoire´s voice held me back.  
"I would think about it, if I were you. You´re alone, you have no money and you...well, to put it mildly, you´re almost naked. You´re in the middle of Helltown and as soon as you take a step outside, you´re alone and have to expect that you´re attacked and raped by some guys in every moment. Even if you get out of this district, you certainly will be arrested by soldiers soon and I don´t think that I have to tell you, what they do with women who behave indecent."

My hand clawed at the door handle while my mind tried desperately to suppress that Victoire was right. I wouldn´t come far, especially not without money. I didn´t know the city and I didn´t know anybody who lived here and who I could ask for help. Probably I even wouldn´t get help in a church. In the contrary. They would throw me out sooner than anybody else. But Victoire´s offer wasn´t an alternative either. I was no whore, no matter what Nathan said. I had been disgusted by myself when I had offered myself to him in my desperation. But to sell my body willingly, just to get home? I would become the woman Nathan saw in me. Apart from the fact that I had a husband I loved and who I certainly didn´t want to cuckold. No matter for what reasons. But while I was inwardly fighting desperately against Victoire´s words, I became more and more calm externally. Because at the same time a desperate plan had ripened in my head.  
"How much is the share?", I asked hollowly without turning around.  
"Well, from an average guest the girls get about four pounds. They have to give the half of it."  
"Two pounds?" Dumbfounded I turned around. "They get ridiculous two pounds for their services?"  
The lady shrugged her shoulders. "That´s easily earned money. If they have several punters a day, they have soon earned more money in one day than an ordinary merchant´s wife."  
I felt sick. So these women slept with several men in one day just to provide their living? That was disgusting and almost inhuman. Why should a woman endure something like that willingly?  
"So, what now? Do you want to go or do you want to stay?"  
I had to suppress my disgusted thoughts and think of my plan again. Tensely I pinched my lips and nodded finally. "I will stay."

* * *

Several minutes later I was led to a room by Joanne, the young woman who had been in Victoire´s room before. It was small, almost tiny. But at least it had a window, a washstand, a small dresser and of course a bed. But with the sight of the latter it became clear to me that I would certainly never sleep in it. The bedding looked fresh but the sheet was covered with stains whose origin I didn´t want to know. Joanne disappeared shortly to get warm water and while I was alone, I stepped to the washstand and glanced into the small mirror. I really looked even worse than I felt. Dark shadows under my eyes, pale skin on which the bruises under my eyes and on my jaw were almost glowing. My hair was totally matted and dirty and also my body was almost covered in dirt as well as my clothes. Furthermore I had loosed more weight over the last two weeks than I had thought because my shoulders and décolleté were bonier than ever before. I would have never thought that I could ever look so neglected and even though it wasn´t my fault, I was ashamed of my own reflection.

When Joanne returned, she put the bowl of water onto the washstand and dipped a rag in it.  
"Take your clothes off", she instructed me but I only raised an eyebrow.  
"I can wash myself alone, thank you."  
Joanne looked at me mockingly, totally unimpressed by my sharp tone. "I have no doubt", she teased. "But it should be done thoroughly. So don´t make a fuss. I will turn a blind eye on your glory."  
I frowned irritated but when Joanne kept looking at me coldly, I gave up my resistance, took off my dressing gown and slipped out of my nightgown. Joanne stepped to me unmoved and began to wash the dirt of the last two weeks from my body. Although I felt more than uncomfortable at first, I endured it without complaint. When she was done, she indicated to me that I should sit at the chair by the washstand and disappeared again to get new water, with which she began to wash my hair. When she had freed me from all of the dirt, the young woman stepped to the dresser and took out a shift, a corset and a dress and put them onto the bed. But when I just wanted to stand up to get dressed, she held me back. "Victoire is going to come by."  
"Yes, and what?" I wanted to grab past her and take the clothes but she pushed herself into my way.  
"She wants to have a look at you first before she decides if you´re allowed to stay."  
I looked at her confused. I had thought that my stay was already certain. So what did it mean that Victoire wanted to look at me? She had seen me already. But I was too naive to know that she hadn´t done it really.

Because shortly afterwards, Victoire entered the room and involuntarily I asked myself, how she had managed it to hoist herself from the chair without ripping her dress. Joanne pushed me into the centre of the room so that Victoire could walk around me with slow steps. Again I felt like cattle on a market and I didn´t know what was more demeaning: To be abused by a man who wanted to sell you to a brothel, or to stand naked in a room in exactly such an establishment and being scrutinized all around?  
Victoire let my still wet hair slide through her fingers, stroked with her fingertips over my shoulders and finally stopped in front of me. "Your hair is healthy, you have beautiful skin..." She reached out a hand, put it under my chin and made me open my mouth. "...healthy and complete teeth."  
She made a step backwards and her gaze roamed my naked body again. "You are quite thin but some men actually like that. At least you have certain female curves. Some women of your stature appear more like boys. How old are you?"  
"Twenty-six", was my short answer and Victoire clicked her tongue.  
"So you would be the oldest of my girls. But nobody will ask anyway and if they do, you can pretend to be four years younger. Nobody will notice."  
Her gaze stopped at my left hand and swearing quietly, she grabbed it. "I hope for you that this isn´t a wedding ring", she said and tapped on it. "If it is, you have to go immediately. I neither want an angry husband coming here nor do I want to hear any accusations about alleged bawdiness."  
Staring at the ring, it was my first impulse to confirm her fear of course. But I couldn´t risk it now to end up on the streets again.  
 _I´m sorry, Connor_ , I thought and shook my head. "It´s an heirloom."  
Victoire frowned but let my hand go. "Don´t wear it", she said shortly before she looked me over again. "Are you still a virgin? Did you bear children?"  
Irritated I frowned about her more or less intimate questions. Both were none of her business but according to her gaze, I had to answer. "No and no."  
She nodded. "Good. So you can get dressed now and from tomorrow on, you can earn your money."  
With these words, she turned away and left the room.

I stayed alone with Joanne who already slipped the low-cut shift over my head and laid the corset around my waist. "Already wore such a thing?", she asked while starting to lace it up. I just nodded and tried to stay still as she tightened it more and more and I noticed how my breasts were pushed up. I asked myself how the men, who were coming here, chose the women. Did they choose the one who showed her breasts more than others or weren´t they not so simple minded? How was somebody, who paid for love-making, minded anyway? Probably not different than a woman who took money for it.  
"Why are you here?", I asked Joanne all of the sudden, who was already grabbing the dress. She frowned shortly before she went on dressing me. "Because I would be laying the gutter, if I wasn´t. My parents were poor farmers. They hadn´t much to give and when I got pregnant by a farmhand and he didn´t want to marry me, I was driven out by my family and village and basically the brothel was everything that was left for me."  
She said all of this without any emotion as if she wouldn´t mind being banished from society.  
"What happened to the child?"  
"Died." Again an unmoved answer that made me gulp. She had experienced terrible things but talked about like it was nothing.

Joanne adjusted the dress and took a step back. "We will do your hair tomorrow. And we have to cover your bruises. Nobody will take you like this."  
I just nodded and didn´t know if I should thank her. She had helped me somehow but was gratitude really appropriate? However. Joanne didn´t seem like she expected it anyway. She bid farewell with a short nod and suddenly I was alone. Alone in a room in a brothel. Dressed like a whore and officially demoted to one. When I had heard people talking about hitting rock bottom, I had never understood what it meant. Now I knew it.

* * *

I spent the hours until evening in the room which I refused to call mine. I didn´t want to leave it because from my seat in one of the rear corners of the small room, I could hear the men coming and going. I asked myself how many of them were coming here on one day but somehow I didn´t want to know it either. I didn´t want to bump into one of them and so I sat huddled in my corner on the floor, biting my lower lip and twisting the ring on my finger. I had denied Connor but I hoped it finally resulted in my return to him. I would do it somehow. I didn´t want Nathan´s plan to work and I didn´t want to sit here idle and hoping that Connor was going to find me somehow. The chance was small, when I was honest to myself. There was nothing that could lead him here. That could tell him that I was in Philadelphia and furthermore in a brothel. I didn´t want to imagine what could happen, if he would learn about the latter. I didn´t want him to see me in this environment and I especially didn´t want him to see me in these clothes. When I had seen my reflection in the mirror, I had been ashamed of myself again. A plunging neckline, pushed-up breasts. This dress was outdoing the dress that my mentor Theresa had given to me for my twenty fifth birthday, hoping that I could catch the attention of a possible future husband, with permissiveness. I had felt like a whore back then, but I´d had no idea.

When Joanne came and brought me something to eat, she gave me a sceptical gaze but I ignored it, thanked her for the food and was alone shortly afterwards. The bowl full of cereal mash in my hands, I withdrew into my corner again and pecked at the mushy content. Wasn´t this rather a breakfast? Rests of the breakfast? Did I want to think about it? Sighing I tried the mash and squinched up my face. It tasted bland, was cold and was already a few hours old. But I was hungry and so I forced myself to empty the bowl, spoonful after spoonful. Afterwards I pushed it aside drew up my legs to my body and bedded my head onto my knees to bear this heavy feeling in my stomach. But at least I was sated now and maybe the food, no matter how disgusting it had been, would help me to regain my strength again. Because I had to.

When the night had fallen long since and the brothel had closed its doors for a few hours shortly before dawn, I was still sitting there and listened. A deadly silence had spread over the whole building and I began to see my time coming. I stood up, took the shoes which belonged to my new clothes and tiptoed out of the room. Everything was silent in the hallway and so I scurried to the staircase and went downstairs as carefully as possible, the stairs cracking quietly underneath my bare feet. I stopped shortly, listened but when I was sure that nobody had heard me, I went on. The taproom was empty, too and with a triumphant smile, I sneaked to the door, grabbed the handle and froze when it didn´t budge. It was locked.  
"Where would you like to go?"  
I winced when the deep male voice sounded behind me and turned around. Behind me, in the semi-darkness, stood the innkeeper. Bert, when I had got it right. He stood there, his arms crossed and looked at me expectantly. Did he live here? Had I really failed to notice him?  
"I...wanted to...get some fresh air. I couldn´t open the window", I managed to say and tried not to look too caught.  
"That´s how it should be", Bert mumbled. "The windows are always locked to keep out unwanted visitors. That´s why the door is locked at night, too. So you have to wait until morning to get your fresh air. Furthermore you shouldn't run around outside in the middle of the night."  
I blinked, tried to suppress the disappointment that was spreading inside of me. So I had failed. Again. I had thought that I could slip away unseen and try my luck in the city, now somehow decently dressed. But it seemed like I should fail because of a locked door. The lump in my throat grew to a painful size.  
"That sounds reasonable", I said quietly and put on a smile. "So...I will go to sleep then."  
Bert nodded and I still felt his gaze in my back when I went upstairs again and through the hallway to my...the room.

There I took the blanket from the bed, curled up on the floor and wrapped myself into the blanket. Laying there like that, I played with my ring again and while I had forbid myself to cry during the last days because I hadn´t want to grant Nathan the satisfaction, I now allowed free play to my tears. I just wanted to go home. I didn´t want to be here. But how should I manage it to get away from here without money?  
Sobbing to myself I pulled the blanked over my head, closed my eyes and cried even more when it became aware to me again, how much I missed it that Connor was laying next to me. More than in the nights before, now that I was finally alone in the darkness and no sound got to my ears. I missed his warmth. I missed it to cuddle up to him when I couldn´t sleep, like now and I missed it how he always wrapped his arms around me then and kissed my hair when he was awake and that I fell asleep peacefully through his regular breathing alone. Now I could only imagine it. I fell asleep but it certainly wasn´t peacefully.

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, I felt totally spent. My eyes burned, as if I had been still crying while sleeping but I felt numb. As if my body had no energy for any kind of emotion anymore. Silently I went downstairs into the taproom with the other women, ate a meagre breakfast and followed Joanne upstairs afterwards because she wanted to do my hair and make me up. Make me look pretty for my first day. The thought of it alone, that they expected me to wait with the others by the staircase when possible guests were entering the house, made me feel empty. A bit reluctant, yes. But it didn´t manage it to get out.  
I just stayed silent and stared at a spot on the washstand´s wood while Joanne brushed my hair. The young woman glanced at me through the mirror and really seemed to attach importance to my silence. "Are you nervous?"  
I raised my head. What should I answer? Was I nervous? Yes, somehow, but only because I didn´t want to be a whore. I didn´t want to wait for men to earn two pounds. No matter if I needed money or not. "No", I answered and Joanne nodded.  
"You don´t have to. You don´t have to be afraid of these guys. They think they have us in their hands but basically you only have to scream loud enough, if one of them should be full of mischief and Bert throws him out. You don´t have to put up with everything but very few have any perversities in mind."  
Were those supposed to be reassuring words? I raised an eyebrow and it didn´t escape Joanne´s notice.  
"Like I said, you don´t have to be afraid. Just imagine that you´re with someone who appeals you more and if you fear that you could get pregnant: Don´t climax and you don´t have to be afraid. But the guys are not so good anyway. Most of them just stick it in shortly and it´s already over. You don´t even notice it. You also don´t have to do much. They don´t care if you like it or not. They´re paying for their own fun after all."

All of this came out of her mouth in one torrent of words as if we were talking about the weather. Calmly she braided my hair while I just stared at her dumfounded. Were all of the women so unscrupulous like Joanne? She had to sleep with foreign men to survive and she accepted it as if it was nothing. The thought alone made me feel disgust and her words did the rest. I raised my hands and stood up in a jerk so that Joanne stepped back surprised.  
"Stop talking about it", I uttered. "I won´t do that! I´m no whore. I never wanted to be one and never I will be one!" I was almost screaming and felt how my body started to tremble. All of that was so absurd. I didn´t belong here and I won´t stay.  
Determined I went to the door but Joanne grabbed my arm and looked at me irritated.  
"Do you know what you´re doing? You can´t walk around outside alone. What do you think how far you can get until you will be dragged into a dark corner? Helltown is not a place for women who are on their own and neither is Philadelphia. Look into the mirror. You say you´re not a whore but you´re looking like one. Nobody will take you seriously, apart from the fact that you would have to slip into your nightgown again, if you go because the dress doesn´t belong to you."  
She let my arm go but kept looking at me. "I´ve heard that you want to go home, wherever it is. Believe me, I wanted that, too. But nobody comes far without money. Sooner or later you will get to a point where somebody asks you for a coin and you have none. Victoire took you in because she wanted to help you. Nobody has to stay here if he doesn´t want to, but you should think carefully about what you´re doing. Because you have no chance alone and you will be alone, if you go now. To be a whore might be not the most respected position but often it is the only one that gets you to your aims. Maybe you should swallow your pride because I heard that you don´t need much money. A few pounds for sending a letter." She snorted. "Therefore you only need to have one guest and maybe another one so that you´re allowed to stay until you can go home. You could go out there and mingle with the beggars but like I said: It won´t take long until some guy jumps you and then your pride is no use for you anymore."  
Her voice was sober but not ineffective. I caught myself agreeing with her shortly and scolded myself for it in an instant. No matter if one or two punters, I didn´t want that. Maybe it was going to be hard for me alone but maybe I had a chance...  
I bit my lower lip. The chance was small, barely existent. It was bigger if I stayed and...No! This choice couldn´t be under discussion. There had to be another way. I just had to find it.  
Joanne scrutinized me as I stayed silent and went to the door. "Think about it", she said and left.

And actually several hours past by in which I thought about it. There were two voices in my head. The one that was saying loudly that I could do it without help. That I would find a way. But there was also this quiet, persistent voice that told me that I had no opportunities. That I had no chance alone, especially not in this district without knowledge about the city. This voice talked me into thinking that it couldn´t be so bad if I would let two guests come to me. Only two. Just shortly and nobody had to learn about it. This voice was wrong but she began to become louder and I became more and more troubled. Darkness was sinking onto the city. A misty light spread and I just sat there and stared into the void. At least until the door opened and Joanne came in.

She had a cup in her hand and sat down next to me on the bed. "Victoire is getting angry", she said. "She didn´t see you today and says that she wants to throw you out, if you keep sitting around. Then you will be on the streets in your nightgown again."  
For the first time I believed to hear something like pity in her voice and when I looked at her, she appeared almost sad. "You won´t survive on the streets. Believe me. Once there was a girl like you who tried it. She left us and one day later, she way laying naked and with a slit open throat in the gutter. You don´t want to end like this. You have an aim in life."  
I felt the tears rising up to my eyes and a convulsive sob escaped me. "But I don´t want to reach it like that. It´s not right."  
Joanne nodded slowly. "Often we think that something is wrong but sometimes we have to choose the wrong paths to find the right one again."  
She looked at the cup in her hand and gave it to me. "Here. It...will help."

Hesitantly I took the cup and looked at the red liquid in it. "Wine?", I asked sceptically and she nodded slowly. "It will calm you."  
Slowly I swayed the drink in the cup before I lifted it sighing and put it to my lips. It was just half filled and so I had emptied it with a few gulps. But I squinched up my face as a bitter and sharp taste spread on my tongue.  
"It tastes strange", I said and handed the cup over to Joanne who took it, keeping her gaze down. Was I wrong or didn´t she want to look into my eyes?  
"It will help", she murmured and stood up. "Stay here. I will take care of the rest."  
Joanne went to the door while I asked myself what she wanted to take care of. Did she want to talk to Victoire? Ask her if I could stay without working for her? Make her help me?  
"Thank you, Joanne", I said before she reached the door, even though I didn´t know what I was thanking her for. But Joanne didn´t look at me again as she opened the door and said "Don´t thank me", before she disappeared.

I stayed behind alone again, uncertain what was going to happen next. Whatever Joanne was planning, it seemed like I had to wait. I stood up slowly and enlightened the oil lamp next to the bed, that bathed the room in subdued light thanks to its filthy glass. I stood there for a moment and watched its flickering, before I turned around and went back to the bed and that was when I felt it. A sudden tiredness which I hadn´t noticed before. It flowed through me, made my legs become heavy and I sank sighing onto the bed. I blinked several times as my vision slipped away, too and when I rubbed my eyes, I was seized by a sudden feeling of dizziness that made me groan. What the hell was going on? Did the wine...? I faltered. The strange taste...  
I wasn´t able to finish the thought because suddenly the door opened and when I raised my eyes, I saw a man stepping in. He was tall, had close-cropped brown hair, was tanned, had an athletic build and a sparkle in his eyes that I couldn´t interpret, as he looked at me.  
"Good evening", he said with a deep, husky voice while I was staring at him as if he was a ghost.  
"What...what do you want here?", I asked and was wondering that it was so difficult to speak all of the sudden.  
The man smirked. "Well, I´ve never been asked that before." He grabbed into the pocket of his pants and counted some coins on his flat hand before putting them onto the commode.  
"One of your friends sent me to you as no other girl was to my liking but with you, it´s definitely different."  
His words didn´t get through to me while he approached me slowly. Even when he began to unbutton his shirt, I didn´t react. I was too busy with trying to keep my vision clear and my mind was totally dazed.

Silent and absent-minded I watched the stranger taking off his shirt, his boots and finally sitting down next to me on the bed, half naked. He reached out his hand, played with one of my strands of hair and grabbed me by my hips then, making me stand up. On trembling legs I stood in front of him, still absent with my thoughts and emotions and it seemed like he didn´t mind at all. Unaffected he grabbed the hem of my dress, pulled it over my head and had taken off the corset and my shift shortly afterwards. Not until I was standing naked in front of him, something started to stir in my subconsciousness and tried to break through the fog that had turned off my mind completely. My whole body felt numb as if it wasn´t a part of me anymore and although my subconsciousness was almost screaming that something was terribly wrong here, I couldn´t move myself to do something against it.

I did nothing when the man´s rough hands roamed over my torso, touched my breasts and finally pulled me onto the bed again. Not until I was laying on my back and he over me, my subconsciousness finally reached my mind and my eyes widened. No! That was wrong! He had to stop! He had to go! But I still wasn´t in control of my own body. My limbs felt endlessly heavy and I needed all my strength to preserve my sanity and to keep me from slipping into the numbness again that wanted to take back the control. Again and again the man´s face became blurred in front of my eyes while he had begun to move his lips down my neck. _Just imagine that you´re with someone who appeals you more._  
Joanne´s words that came back to my mind as I looked down at the man´s head who just began to kiss my décolleté. Imagine that he was Connor? Certainly not. He might be built like him, had dark hair and a tanned skin, but he wasn´t Connor. He wasn´t as tender as him. In the contrary. He was greedy and especially showed this greed as he sat up in a jerk, gave me a lustful gaze and began to take off his pants.

 _No!_ Finally my mind reached my body, too as I tossed my head whereupon the man frowned. I began to writhe under him even though no sound left my lips. My tongue still felt heavy but I didn´t need it. When he pressed his hands against my shoulders with an indignant expression and wanted to push himself between my legs, I shoved my knee up so that it thrust into his belly. He gasped surprised, let me be and gave me the opportunity to roll away from him. My vision still blurred, I stumbled to the washstand while the man behind me swore and ordered me to come back to the bed. I heard him standing up and approaching me and without thinking, I grabbed the heavy wooden jug on the washstand, whirled around and struck the jar against his head. He sank to the ground immediately and lay motionless. Trembling I stared down at him, not able to move. But then there was only one thing on my mind: _Go! Before he stands up!_

As fast as I could in my still dizzy state, I went to the bed, slipped into the shift and grabbed his pants. I rummaged around in the pockets, pulled out a wallet and weighed it in my hand. Stealing was wrong but I didn´t care. Everything else that just could have happened would have burdened my conscience more than every theft. But what now? I couldn´t walk through the door because there were the other whores, Victoire and Bert. They wouldn´t let me go. I had knocked a punter down. But I had to leave without being noticed.

So there was only one thing I could do. I locked the door and took the jug from the washstand again, but this time I struck it against the window. I had to do it twice until it finally broke. I let the jug fall banging to the floor and glanced outside. I was on the first floor. The ground was too far away for jumping and there was nothing that could cushion my fall. But a few metres underneath the window was a ledge. A decoration that was running around the whole building and that could help me to climb down. I had to try it because I already heard that it became noisy on the hallway. The shattering of the window hadn´t been unheard. So I climbed out of the window but had to suppress a scream when a shard of glass scratched along my shin. Warm blood ran over my leg in an instant but I ignored it. Trembling I felt for the ledge with my feet while my hands were clinging to the window´s wood. Somebody was joggling the door and called for Bert. I didn´t hear anymore that he kicked the door in because after I had actually managed it to climb down over the ledge and the basement´s doors, I didn´t pay attention to my environment anymore. I turned away from the brothel and ran


	13. Chapter 13

_Hello :)  
_

 _It´s time again to thank you for all your faves, follows and reviews. I appreciate your support.:)_

 _ **Reviews:** _

**_MohawkWoman:_** _Thank you for the compliment. :) It´s allways the best thing to read that somebody becomes really engrossed (one new word in my vocabulary ;)) in this story. I think it´s the best I can reach with it. So thank you. :)_

* * *

 **Unexpected help**

I didn´t even know where to run to. I just ran. Completely disoriented and still not in my right mind. The sun had disappeared completely by now and alone in the dark, which was broken by the light of some lamps only occasionally, it was difficult enough to see something. But again and again the world became blurred in front of my eyes and not only once I had to stop and wait until I could see clearly again. My legs weren´t obeying, too. Stumbling I wandered through the streets, supported myself on walls of buildings from time to time and fell to the ground when I failed. Trembling I kept sitting on the ground for a moment and tried to find back the motivation to stand up and keep on running, between all my dizziness and panic. I didn´t know if someone from the brothel was following me. But I didn´t want to find it out anyway. What would they do to me, if they caught me? I had knocked a man down and had robbed him. Did you still get your finger or even your entire hand chopped off for the latter? And what was the punishment if you knocked somebody out? Or had I killed him? Had he still been breathing?  
My panic became boundless and I sobbed loudly when I stopped by a wall and leaned my back against it. Trembling I sank down to the ground, huddled up and buried my face in my knees.

I knew that I shouldn´t stay here like that. I already had avoided some dubious figures on my way and I still remembered Victoire´s and Joanne´s warnings. The streets weren´t safe for a woman. But whatever Joanne had mixed into my wine – and I was certain that she had done it – paid its tribute. It was difficult for me to stay conscious and to fight against the numbness that wanted to take control over my body. I was tired and desperate but had to keep on going. Even though I didn´t know where to. So I stood up swaying and moved on again. Along the Delaware River, over the dirty street and past drunken men and beggars who looked after me slavering, but luckily they didn´t follow me. Maybe they didn´t want to make the effort to run after a woman, maybe they couldn´t stay on their legs long enough. I didn´t care because I didn´t pay attention to them anyway. I was more concentrated on remembering the direction Nathan and I had come from. But I couldn´t and so I still wandered aimlessly through the streets.

Eventually I noticed that I had left behind the shabby streetscape of Helltown and was now in a more bourgeois district. One shop followed after another, in front of me was a market place and except of some people, who looked at me suspiciously, not a living soul was on the streets. I was almost relieved but I still didn´t know where to go. This was also not a place where I could stay. The people who saw me changed the side of the street, shouted irritated insults after me of which the word "whore" was the nicest one. But what did I expect? Again I wasn´t wearing much on my body and because of my unsteady walk and disorientation, I probably looked like a drunken prostitute.

But I didn´t let myself be put off by it and continued my aimless path until I took a corner and ran into two soldiers. They stared at me likewise surprised but despite my condition, I reacted faster than them. Before one of them could grab me, I turned on my heel and ran down the street again.  
"Stop!", I heard the men shout behind me but of course I didn´t obey. They would arrest me. They would lock me up and then they would find out what I had done. They would chop my hand off. For certain. If they didn´t hang me before, because probably I had killed someone. With a fluttering heart I firmly clasped the stolen wallet in my hand and turned into a small alley.

The soldier´s steps were stumping over the paving stones behind me and I thought that I could feel their breath in my nape already. I also felt that I wasn´t able to endure this hunt any longer. My circulation began to play up completely, I could barely look straight and I thought it was a miracle that I was still able to walk. But probably it was my fear that was driving me on. Or better to say: It made me quicken my pace again and turn around another corner. By now I had reached a more exalted district of the city. Everywhere stood manorial houses. Lined by high fences and walls. There were even some lamps which bathed the street in a dim light. But where and how should I hide? I couldn´t run anymore, ran out of strength. I was struggling for breath while my legs began to refuse their duty. I stumbled while I heard the soldiers coming nearer. In panic I looked down the street while I followed it and headed for an empty cart which was standing by a wall. If I managed it to climb over it and the wall, before the soldiers saw me, I would be safe for now. I had to try it. I jumped onto the cart, reached out my arms and pulled me up with my last strength. I had barely thrown my legs over the edge of the wall and had fallen down onto the other side, as I heard the soldier´s steps coming nearer. They stopped.  
"Damn it. Where is she?"  
"Maybe down the street. She can´t be far. She didn´t look fine."  
"Damn rabble. What do you think how the lord- and ladyships will be fussed, if they learn that a mad whore is running through the city?"  
"That´s why you have to stop wailing and look for her."  
They hurried past the wall behind which I was kneeling, holding my breath and listening until I couldn´t hear them anymore.  
Not until then I allowed myself to catch my breath, leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes. My pulse was racing, my head was spinning around. I was at the end of my tether but I couldn´t stay here either. Now I was in the front garden of one of the manors, which was dark and silent. Certainly the ladies and gentlemen of it were laying peacefully in their beds, being fast asleep and dreaming of their comfortable home and the delicious breakfast the next morning without knowing that a complete neglected woman had just climbed over their wall. I envied them for it.

Breathing heavily I pulled myself up but instantly began to stumble, as my legs wanted to give in again. With one hand I supported myself on the cold wall and let my gaze roam through the front garden. It was dark and I asked myself how I should get away from here. Should I try it through the main gate? It was locked for sure and from this side the wall was too high for me to climb over it. But maybe I could find a spot where it was possible. Still supporting myself on the wall, I walked slowly along it. Past the house´s side, towards the back of the garden. It wasn´t quite large but had a beautiful terrace with fine garden furniture where the owner certainly used to lounge in a friendly get-together when the weather allowed it. Could I rest here for a while? Nobody would notice it...I shook my head vigorously, as if I had to reprimand myself. I couldn´t stay here. I had to go on.

So I did one shakily step after another, searching for a spot where I could climb over the wall again. But until now there was none and because the moon was entirely hid behind the clouds, it was so dark that I could barely see my own hand in front of my eyes. So I overlooked the dog kennel, which I past as I tried to feel for my way through the garden. Only when a huge dog jumped barking and growling against the bars, I flinched with a terrified scream. I just felt the hot breath of the animal while I stood there paralysed and the barking echoed unnaturally loud in my ears. I only noticed incidentally how one of the house´s windows in the basement was enlightened before the backdoor opened.  
"Is anybody out there?" A man stepped outside, holding a lamp in one, a rifle in the other hand. Slowly he came into my direction and although my mind was telling me that I had to run, I stayed where I was and looked at him in panic, blinked into the lamp´s light which was hitting me now.  
"Who the hell are you? What are you doing here?" The man trained the rifle at me and whistled shortly, whereupon the dog stopped barking in an instant. The sudden silence was eerie.  
"I...I wanted..." Yes, what did I want? Hide from soldiers who wanted to arrest me? That was certainly not a statement that would stop the man from shouting me. He was still training the rifle at me and growled something I couldn´t understand.  
"Leave!", he yelled. "Somebody like you has no business here!"  
But instead of obeying that order, I shakily reached out the wallet to him. "Please. I...need help."  
Tears ran over my cheeks now and for a short moment, the man appeared like he was seriously confused. I couldn´t see his face but he was standing there motionless and even had lowered the rifle. Then he squared his shoulders and trained the rifle at me again, as another male voice sounded from the backdoor. "Calvert! What is this about?"  
I didn´t hear Calvert´s answer anymore because while the other man was just talking, I felt how the numbness finally came over me and I lost consciousness.

* * *

A dull headache was the first thing I felt as my consciousness returned. In addition a stale taste in my mouth and the feeling of nausea that was contracting my stomach. I felt dead and like I couldn´t move. But I didn´t dare anyway because first of all, I was laying covered in a bed, my head bedded on a pillow and second of all, I heard the voice of two men who were close and talking quietly to each other.  
"She wouldn´t be the first addicted I´m treating. These girls are taking the opium to make there...work more bearable", said a man with a voice that sounded like he had breathed in sand for too long. But was he talking about me? For sure.  
"Either she has taken too much or her body just couldn´t cope with it. If I were you, I wouldn´t burden myself with her more than I had to. Wait until she wakes up and send her back to where she came from."  
"She told Calvert that she needed help. He said that she sounded desperate." I recognized this voice as the one I had heard before my unconsciousness. The man who had left the house after Calvert. It sounded pleasant and more friendly, compared to the sandy one. The man with the sandy voice snorted now.  
"Of course she said that. Certainly she needs money to buy new opium."  
"She offered him money."  
"Then she thought that he´s selling it. Sam, you shouldn´t spend time dealing with her. Who knows. Maybe she will rob you as soon as she is on her feet again."  
"Don´t be ridiculous, doctor. We don´t know anything about her. Maybe there is a story behind her condition. Maybe she fled from a violent husband. You said that she was probably beaten and bounded."  
"And exactly because we don´t know it, we shouldn´t take the risk."  
"You mean I shouldn´t take the risk. This is my house, if I´m allowed to remind you. I alone decide who leaves and who stays." Now the second man sounded a bit indignant.  
"Of course you do. Just take it as a friendly advice", was the sour answer of the supposed doctor.  
"I accept it. Shall Surry lead you to the door?"  
"I will find my way out alone, thank you."

The mood between the two men seemed to be really reserved now and when I opened my eyes blinking, I saw vaguely how one of them leaved the room I was laying in. The other stood with the back to me, lifted his hand and ran his fingers through his sparse, brown hair that was crossed by gray strands and was tied to a braid. He uttered a sigh and suddenly turned around. He seemed to be surprised at first to see me awake but then a friendly smile appeared on his lips, as he approached me and slowly sat down onto a chair next to the bed, as if he feared that he could scare me with quick movements.  
But I really felt too weak to be afraid and furthermore I didn´t believe that it was necessary. If he wanted to harm me, I wouldn´t be laying here.  
"Good morning", he said calmly and my gaze flitted through the room that was actually illuminated by the bright light of the morning sun shining through the big windows. How long had I been unconscious?  
"Shall I close the curtains?" The man had followed my gaze but even though my head was aching and I would prefer darkness, I shook it silently. He nodded, still smiling friendly.  
"Well, you gave us a good fright last night. May I ask how you found your way over our wall?"  
Against my expectation, his voice didn´t sound reproachful. In the contrary. He sounded honest, polite and as friendly as his smile was and for a short moment, I felt distrust. Why was somebody behaving like this towards a woman who had sneaked onto his property and who was a drug addicted whore, according to the doctor?

"I didn´t take opium", I said without any connection. In my own ears my voice sounded dull and quiet but it seemed like he understood me anyway. He frowned shortly and I added: "Not willingly. I don´t know, but I think that it was mixed into my wine. I would never..." I faltered when I remembered how helpless I had felt all of the sudden and how I was still feeling.  
 _These girls are taking the opium to make there...work more bearable._  
Had this been Joanne´s intention? Had she really given me something so that I couldn´t defend myself against the punter and did what they expected from me? She had said that "it" would help me when she had given me the wine. But certainly she hadn´t meant the wine itself and I almost hadn´t defend myself. I would have let the man do whatever he had wanted to do to me and the thought alone worsened the feeling of nausea I already had and tears rose into my eyes again.

It didn´t escaped the man´s notice and I saw concern in his eyes. "Shall I call the doctor again?"  
I shook my head. We were silent for a moment and while I stared at my hands, which I had folded over my belly, I felt his scrutinizing gaze on me.  
"If I may introduce myself: My name is Samuel Adams. May I ask what your name is?", he asked and had this smile on his face again. I tried to return it, out of politeness but also out of gratitude.  
"Lillian. Lillian Kenway."  
I thought that Adam' eyes widened for a moment and when he bent forward, his gaze was curious.  
"Kenway? Is that so? And where are you from?"  
I was slightly wondering about his question about my surname but suddenly I had the hope that he really could be someone who was able to help me. And not only that. Suddenly I believed to remember his name. As if I had heard it before.

"Davenport", I said. "A homestead near..."  
"Boston!" His expression lightened up and I nodded slowly. "I know. I´m actually from Boston. I´m just here because of some...well...political businesses." He squinched up his face before he smile at me again. "I don´t know you but I heard your surname quite often before. You´re not acquainted with Connor Kenway, aren´t you?"  
Now my eyes widened and my heart raced when I heard Connor´s name. I sat up a bit and nodded. "He´s my husband." As if I had to proof it, I raised my left hand where I was still wearing my ring. Despite of Victoire´s order, I hadn´t taken it off.  
Samuel Adams looked surprised for a moment before he smirked. "Well, I wouldn´t have expected that. You know, I know Connor for several years now. I was friends with his mentor Achilles long before he took him in. He was a great help during the revolution and he became a good friend. I haven´t seen him since the war´s end but I have to say: I never thought that he would marry once. He always seemed like...he isn´t someone who would enter into such a relationship."  
Samuel Adams. Of course. His name appeared in the "encyclopaedia of the common man" several times. He had been one of the revolution´s leaders and furthermore a supporter of the assassins. I was relieved when it became aware to me that I really got to somebody who could help me to return home and to Connor, just by chance. I also had to smirk about Adams' statement about the assassin.  
"Sometimes I believe that he least expected it."

Adams chuckled but his gaze became serious then. "But why is it that you´re here? And in...well...such a condition at that."  
Tensely I pinched my lips and turned my gaze onto my hands again. I felt more than uncomfortable with this question. But there was no reason why I should refuse to answer. If he was Connor´s friend, he was also mine and furthermore I still needed his help. And so I began to tell what had happened during the last weeks. I told him about Nathan´s visit in the homestead, about the attack, how I had been kidnapped and how Nathan had brought me to Helltown and into the brothel. I just hid the circumstances and consequences of my attempted escapes and also what had happened after Nathan had left me behind in the brothel. About yesterday´s events, I only told him that I had fled, even though I had to confess that the wallet was stolen. But I told him about it like I had stolen it from a coat pocket. I was grateful that Adams didn´t ask further questions and he also didn´t say anything about the theft itself.

His expression was marked by pity and regret when he said that he was glad that I had found my way here. "I´m sure Connor already did everything to find you", he said and I nodded.  
"But can you help me?" I looked at him pleadingly. "Could you send him a message or organize a carriage for me? I will pay it back as soon as I´m..."  
Adams raised a hand. "You don´t have to pay anything", he said and smiled. "It´s a matter of course that I help you. I will send a message because I think that it would be better if you stay here and recover. You had a raging temperature last night and you´re still not in the condition to travel. I will see that Connor learns that you´re here as soon as possible and as far as I know him, it won´t take long until he comes and brings you home."  
A bright smile appeared on my face and I felt tears of relief in my eyes. These were by far the best news I heard in a long time.  
"Thank you, Sir", I said and Adams patted my arm shortly.  
"You don´t have to thank me. I´m owing Connor more than I could ever give him in return. Rest and I will take care of everything else."

* * *

In the evening of the same day, Adams told me that he had sent a messenger to Davenport who should reach the homestead in a few days. I was incredibly grateful but he insisted that he didn´t need my gratitude and that I should concentrate on my recovering and I did. Now that I was finally safe for the first time in a long time, I could sleep deeply and long so that I felt soon, how my strength returned. I didn´t feel weak, spent and hopeless anymore and especially not the latter, because I had the certain hope now, that everything was going to be alright again. I knew that Connor would come here as soon as possible, when he received Adams' message and I was happy about that, even though a small part of me was also a bit anxious. The whole time I thought about what I should tell Connor. How much he should learn about what I had endured during the last weeks. On the one hand I knew that I should tell him the whole truth but on the other hand, I knew that I had to protect him somehow. Even though I wasn´t sure from what.

But I decided to suppress these concerns for now and to concentrate in recovering, not only internally but also externally. My cut on my shin, which I had sustained during my climbing through the broken window, had been treated thoroughly, as well as my already healing grazes on my wrists and ankles. From Surry, the family´s servant, I got a shift, bodice, skirt and jacket which didn´t fit her anymore, according to her. Although Adams' wife Elizabeth behaved sceptical in the beginning, she took me in friendly and I felt good, even though I never left the house to go into the city. I was too afraid that somebody from the brothel or the soldiers could recognize me. So I only got fresh air when I went into the garden, but most of the time I stayed in my room to prevent myself from becoming a burden on my hosts.

About one and half weeks past and my internal restlessness grew with every day. I eventually began to spent most of my time in the hallway of the upper floor, looking out of the window to have the best view on the street in front of the house. Every time I heard the sound of hoof clattering – and of course it didn´t happen rarely – I became very excited and pressed my nose against the glass, believing that it was Connor who came down the street. But there were only carts or other riders and I always pulled away disappointed. To wait without knowing when Connor would arrive was unbearable. I never doubted the "if". However, I couldn´t know that he would arrive just when I wasn´t standing by the window.

It was early in the morning, the sun had just risen and I blinked as its light shined into my face. I stood up, got dressed and wanted to go downstairs to wish my hosts a good morning, but midway to the staircase, I faltered and stopped. I heard voices coming from the parlour right beneath me. I knew both of them. One belonged to Samuel Adams and the other one was the voice that was always able to make me shiver pleasantly. Connor´s voice.  
Beaming I hurried towards the stairs but stopped again in the middle of my way. Because now I could hear what they were talking about and I didn´t like their serious tone. No doubt that this conversation was about me.  
"She was in a very bad condition", Adams just said. "Bruises, grazes, a wound on her leg. Pale, very thin, weak and feverish because somebody gave her opium she didn´t cope with. She didn´t talk much about what she has been through, but even though it seems like she recovered, you should consider that it doesn´t look like that internally."  
"I know Lillian. She is strong. She had been through a lot but always got over it. She will also do it this time." Connor´s words appeared convincing but I could hear that he was tensed and didn´t believe them as much as he wanted to make Adams believe it.  
"Maybe it is like you say", he said. "But I think that there are things especially women don´t overcome so easily. She was at the mercy of this Nathan. He brought her into a brothel. I know that you surely don´t want to think about it but maybe they...took advantage of her helpless situation. If they beat and drugged her..."

An agonizing silence set in and I put a hand in front of my mouth to suppress any sound that could reveal me. For some reason I didn´t want the men to know that I was listening to them. But I had wanted to prevent Connor from thinking about that. At least nothing had happened and I had to talk with him about him, if I wanted it or not. Somehow.  
Carefully I glanced over the banister into the parlour. I could see Connor´s lower body which stood sideways to the door. Adams was out of my sight. As expected Connor was wearing his assassin robes which were covered in the dust of the streets, as well as his shoes and leggings. He was also entirely armed but my attention lay on his hands. His left hand kneaded his right fist, an unmistakable sign that he was completely tensed and unsettled. That he was struggling with his thoughts.  
"Did she mention something like this?", he broke the silence and his voice sounded strangely hoarse.  
"No. But I doubt that a woman would talk honestly about it. Especially not to someone she doesn´t know."  
"Do you think I should ask her?"  
"If you do it, you should be careful. You never know how a person reacts who experienced something traumatic. Her reaction could be unexpected, even for you."  
A short silence again before Connor stopped kneading his fist. "Where is she?"  
"Upstairs, in her room. Probably she´s still asleep. I will bring you to her."  
Quickly I turned around and ran upstairs again and back into my room. I closed the door as quiet as possible when I already heard the men´s steps on the staircase. As soon as they were here, I had to pretend that I didn´t know that Connor was here. But how should do that? I still thought of their conversation and my heart was racing like mad but I hadn´t enough time anymore to think about it anyway. There was a quiet knock on the door and I stood in the middle of the room when I granted access with a husky voice. The door opened and Adams' head appeared. He smiled warmly when he saw me.  
"You´re up already. Here is someone who wants to see you."

He had barely finished the sentence as Connor pushed the door open and himself past Adams. He just stood there at first, staring at me as if he couldn´t believe that I was actually standing in front of him, while Adams discreetly closed the door behind Connor and left us alone. Now I didn´t think about how to pretend that I hadn´t known about his arrival anymore. My eyes filled up with tears which ran over my cheeks immediately and I sobbed.  
"You´re here at last", I whispered and Connor approached me in an instant and took me firmly in his arms, where I gave free reins to my tears. I had thought that I had fully recovered, but right now it felt as if everything that had happened would befall me again, but as if a burden was taken from my shoulders at the same time.  
I clung to Connor and even though I had known that he would come, I couldn´t believe that he was here now. I buried my face in his chest and deeply breathed in the familiar scent of the forests around Davenport and the fresh breeze of the sea, which always seemed to surround him. Which reminded me so much of my home like this man himself, who didn´t say anything. He just held me tightly, his face buried in my hair.


	14. Chapter 14

**_Reviews:_**

 ** _Luthlien:_** _Actually it´s a tough question. Never thought about it. But I guess I would have done the same as Lillian. I would have been too afraid of leaving the brothel on my own and only in my nightgown. But I wouldn´t have sold my body either. I would have tried to escape as soon as possible but I fear thinking of it, is easier than actually being in this situation. But thanks again for your review and your compliment. ;)_

 ** _MohawkWoman:_** _Yes, Nathan is Connor´s No. 1 target...for now. ^^ You´re right. It isn´t over yet, that´s everything I can say. ;)_

 ** _tina:_** _Actually I wanted to create a whole new character as Lillian´s savior but then I remembered Sam Adams and thought, it would be easier to "use" him instead. :D Especially because he knows Connor and so on._

* * *

 **I just want you to be fine**

When I pulled away from Connor and looked into his face, I couldn´t say what he had on his mind. Even though his expression was hard, I saw relief in his gaze. But his posture showed suppressed anger, also when he grabbed my hands, took a step back and scrutinized me. As if he wanted to make sure that everything was still in place and I asked myself what he was seeing.  
During the days I had spent with the Adams, I had put on just a bit weight but at least enough, so that my bones of décolleté and shoulders didn´t stick out as unpleasant as before. I was still pale but the bruises in my face had disappeared. The grazes were only faint red lines on my skin that Connor´s thumb stroked, as his gaze felt on my wrists. As Sam Adams had said it before: I had recovered externally but it wasn´t enough for Connor.

He was frowning while he kept looking at my wrists. "I am sorry", he said and when he raised his eyes, there was so much guilt in them that it was a stab to my heart. In an instant I wanted to tell him that he didn´t need to apologize but Connor raised a hand and took a deep breath before he continued talking.  
"I should have intervened much earlier. Before Nathan could ride away with you. You were already gone when I took up the chase and I tried everything to find you, you have to believe that. I was in the frontier for days, asking everyone I met for a suspicious group of men with a woman. Even my brothers helped me. We searched you in Boston, in New York and there they said that somebody had seen you. But I never had a final trace. I always poked in nothing while you have been alone with those men."  
All of this came out of him in one stream of words as if it had burdened his mind for an eternity and it seemed like that was the case. His voice faltered and he looked down at our hands again, his face twisted in pain.  
"Again and again I had to think about what you must be enduring but I could not help you. Sam told me about your condition and I wish I could have prevented you from being harmed at all. I am so sorry, Lillian. I...failed you."

It hurt to see him like this because as always he put the blame for something that wasn´t his fault on himself. I freed my hands from his grip, stepped closer to him and put them to his cheeks. I noticed how much his internal suffering also had marked him externally. Now, that he had revealed his feelings of guilt to me and with that, had abandoned every try to appear strong, you could see how tired and haggard he was. Light shadows lay under his eyes which I hadn´t noticed before because of his dark skin tone and his eyes appeared tired and dull.  
"You didn´t fail me", I said with a firm voice and looked into his eyes. "You should never think something like this about yourself and neither would I. You did everything you could, but you can´t cause miracles. I don´t expect that from you anyway." I smiled slightly and stroked gently over his temple. "The whole time I knew that you won´t fail me and even though you wasn´t with me: Every time I thought of you, I felt stronger. Sad, because I missed you, but stronger because I knew that I was going to be with you sometime. I never knew how or when but I never gave up the thought of it and tried to find my way back to you on my own."  
"And you did it", Connor said quietly and he took my hands from his face to pull me to him again and to press a kiss on my hair. "I knew that you are a strong woman", he whispered to me and the smile on my face froze because I remembered his conversation with Adams. Connor had said that he was sure that I would overcome the events but he hadn´t sounded convinced. Was he now? Or would the conversation follow, which we probably had to hold anyway?

As if Connor had shared my thoughts, he pulled away from the embrace and looked at me seriously. "I know that you probably do not want to talk about it and even though Sam already told me something, I would like to hear from you, what happened during the last weeks. Is that fine with you?"  
I had to suppress the urge to bite my lower lip with discomfort and so I quickly nodded before I could change my mind. Connor took my hand, grabbed a chair and pushed it to the foot of the bed before he indicated to me, that I should sit at the latter. I did and he sat down at the chair in front of me. Calm but also tensed, he looked at me while I hesitantly started to talk.  
Basically I told him the same I had told Adams before, but even though I barely dared it, I told him everything. He learned that Nathan had told me after my attempted escape, that I hadn´t needed to be afraid that he could assault me. But he also learned about my previous begging as I had still believed that it was Nathan´s intention and that I had wanted him to do it.  
Connor learned that they had expected me to sleep with other men in the brothel and that Joanne had drugged me so that I allowed it. I even told him about the punter. That he had undressed and touched me. That he had almost slept with me, but that I had been able to defend myself in the last possible moment, had knocked him out and had taken his money before I had fled.

Connor had listened to me the whole time, but I had seen that he had to pull himself together to not lose his temper. A dangerous gleam was in his eyes after I had ended. He grinded his teeth while he was clenching his fists. He was angry. With me? Ashamed I lowered my eyes and kneaded my hands while I was struggling with words. I felt like I had to explain myself and apologize.  
"I shouldn´t have given in to Nathan. I don´t know if I had defend myself in the end, but the fact alone, that I practically gave him the permission, was wrong", I said with a shaky voice. "But I never wanted what happened in the brothel. I always said that I didn´t want to prostitute myself. I just stayed because I thought that I could run away as soon as I had a dress, because I never would have come far in a nightgown. Right then I was already regretting that I had given in to Nathan and that was why I really didn´t want to become a whore and cheat on you. I couldn´t know that they would drug me. I defend myself nevertheless and..."  
Connor lifted his hands and indicated to me, with a shake of his head, that I should stop talking. The words had quickly poured out of me but I just had wanted to explain myself. He had to know that I had never wanted to be with another man but him.

"Do you know that this was my greatest fear?", he asked in a husky voice. "That he or somebody else would rape you. I feared for your life but somehow I thought that Nathan would not kill you because he wanted something else from you."  
Connor ran his hand over his face and shortly appeared like he had to put his thoughts in order. I let him, staying silent and still kneading my hands. But I stopped when Connor grabbed and squeezed them gently. Hesitantly I raised my head and looked straight into his eyes. He looked serious but not angry anymore.  
"To be honest, I do not know what to think about you offering yourself to Nathan. It confuses me, but I believe you when you say, that you never really wanted it. You were afraid, I understand. Often we do something wrong, when we are afraid. I cannot blame you for that and I do not want to because I can see that you are already suffering from it. What happened in the brothel was not your fault." He faltered for a moment and took a deep breath, as if he had struggle for self-control again. "The thought that this man, as well as Nathan have touched you, makes me sick and I wished I could have saved you earlier. Before you had to endure all of that. I cannot take care of this punter anymore but I promise: I will find Nathan and this time, I will not let him escape. Not after what he did to you."  
With these words he stroked over the healing grazes again.

"Not only to me." I shook my head. "He and his men haven't been in the homestead just to kidnap me. That has been Nathan´s plan alone. They were actually there to attack us."  
Connor frowned. "Are you sure?"  
"I am. They talked about it several times. Also in the night of the attack. Nathan said that they had roughed us up like they had been told. I think they obtained the commission from somebody else but I don´t know from whom. I just know that they wanted to meet someone when we arrived here in Philadelphia. You said that they also attacked the other villages. I think, if they obtain specific commissions, there must be more organisation behind it than you thought."  
Connor had listened carefully and appeared very serious and thoughtful now. For the last couple of days, I had barely thought about the gang´s intentions because I had been more occupied with myself, to be honest. These days were over now and it became painfully aware to me, that I had never thought about our homestead. About my friends and especially about Caleb.  
"How are the others?", I asked and Connor raised his eyes to look at me. "What happened during the attack? Are they alright? How´s Caleb?"  
Questions after questions which poured out of me in one stream of words again. Connor squeezed my hand reassuringly and a faint smile appeared on his lips.  
"Everybody is alright. We had a few injured but they are all on their way to recovery. The only bad thing was that they burned down Terry´s and Godfrey´s mill. But as soon as they have enough wood, they will build it up again. Caleb is well, too even though he is reproaching himself because of you. He thinks that he should not have let you send him away."  
I closed my eyes sighing when I remembered how I had told Caleb that he should get help. In this point of time, I had already known that the men had been after me. I had wanted to protect him but obviously he had learned something from Connor again: He had thought that he had to protect me. I had to talk to him about that. But I was relieved to hear that nothing had happened to anyone. The thing with the mill was a bitter blow to the lumberjacks, but with the help of the other settler, there was going to be a new mill doing its work soon. I had no doubts about it. How much I wanted to be home right now...

"Do you think we can set off as soon as you have rested?" I reached out my hand and caressed his cheek. "You look like you scarcely slept."  
"On my way here, I only had a break when the horse needed it. I wanted to be here as soon as possible." Connor gave a forced smile. "But to be honest, I will not rest yet. I will go into the city immediately and ask around for Nathan´s gang. If they met somebody, I have to find out whom." He looked at me apologetically. "I know, you want to go home and I would also like to set off immediately. But maybe I can find a trace."  
I sighed and nodded, even when it was reluctant. I understood that he wanted to investigate all of that, but he was still looking exhausted. But I knew that I wouldn´t be able to stop him anyway.  
"Please be careful", I said quietly and Connor rose from his chair, bent down and kissed my forehead.  
"I will and I will be with you again as soon as possible."

* * *

Connor had hold a short chat with Samuel Adams, who had made own enquiries about Nathan and his men without my knowledge. But he only had found out that they were regular guests in one specific tavern, but that wasn´t enough for Connor. He left the house and after my initial pleasure of seeing him again, I hoped once again that he was going to be here soon. We had only talked about all the serious things that had happened and I wished, I could have spent more time with him. But I also wanted that the gang was stopped soon and Connor was the only person I found capable of doing so.  
So I let him go and spent the day with walking through the garden and enjoying the warm sunshine. It was mid June. Summer. Beside spring the most beautiful season which I hadn´t enjoyed during the last weeks. Thinking about it, I had barely noticed that it had become summer anyway, but I decided to leave the dark thoughts of the last weeks behind me. I wanted to forget. Forget what had happened during the journey and in the brothel. Nathan would get his punishment soon enough, as well as his men. The worst was over, I was reunited with Connor, who didn´t reproach me for anything and I was going to be home soon. I wanted to stick to these thoughts and it was easy while the sun was shining warmly into my face. Everything was easier in light. But after daylight followed always the darkness of night.

When I was laying in bed after dinner, Connor still hadn´t returned and I began to worry about him. How long would it take to find a trace to the gang? Where was Connor? Did something happen to him? Troubled I turned onto my back and stared into the darkness. This night the moon hid behind the clouds and it was pitch-dark, because I had closed the curtains. I saw nothing else but endless blackness and while I was worrying about Connor, I felt the fear again that I had felt during all these nights before Samuel Adams had taken me in. The fear that was created by uncertainty.  
"Nothing will happen to him. It´s Connor. He can take care of himself and he said that he will be back soon", I said to myself and winced when I heard my own voice. Now I was already talking to myself and tried to calm myself. Sighing I rolled onto my side and pulled the blanket up to my chin. No, nothing would happen to him. I should try to sleep and as soon as I would wake up again, he certainly would be back. With this thought I closed my eyes and fell asleep. But it was a troubled sleep, fed by the fear that I had felt before. But when I dreamt, I wasn´t dreaming about Connor.

I was back in the small room in the brothel, only wearing my thin shift and feeling the overwhelming heaviness which seized my whole body. I felt my heartbeat speeding up and how panic was lacing up my throat when the door opened and this man came inside again. But it wasn´t like it had been in this particular night. He was naked and had a bleeding wound on his head which he touched with his hand shortly.  
"So you knock me down and take my money? Did you think you can get away with it, just because Connor put up with it?"  
I stared at him shocked while he was slowly approaching me and the door opened again. But against my hope, the person who stepped in wasn´t here to help me. It was Nathan who leaned against the door frame, grinning widely and looking at me scornfully.  
"Not only a whore but also a thief. How deep you´ve fallen, beautiful."  
He laughed while the other man had reached me, pulled the shift over my head and pushed me onto the bed. I still wasn´t able to move but hot tears ran over my cheeks.  
"Please, don´t", I whimpered while I felt how his hands slid over my body. Nathan stepped closer to the bed and I could see him grin over the other man's shoulder.  
"What is it? Not so defensive all of the sudden? Are we becoming weak? What shall Connor think about that?"  
I tried to shake my head but still I couldn´t. I wanted to contradict Nathan but no word left my lips. I just couldn´t. I couldn´t move while the stranger bent down to my ear and whispered: "Now I want what I´ve paid for."  
As he said this and I felt how his hands moved to my thighs, life came back to my body all of the sudden. I screamed, kicked out, hit out and closed my eyes, crying desperately when he grabbed my wrists and seized them.  
"Let me go", I whimpered and kept trying to free myself from his grip. "Please, I don´t want that. Let me go. Please, let me go."

"Lillian! Calm yourself!"  
I opened my eyes because it wasn´t the stranger, who was talking to me. It was Connor and I wasn´t in the small room anymore. I was laying in the bed in the guest room in Samuel Adams' house. It was dark, but the moon shined through the curtains and I could recognize Connor´s silhouette. He was kneeling next to me on the bed, leaned over me and kept my wrists in a firm grip.  
"It is just me", he said in a calm voice, now that I had calmed myself, or better to say: Now that I wasn´t kicking around like mad anymore. I was still crying and trembling while it slowly became aware to me, that it just had been a dream and that I was safe. There was no man who wanted to rape me. No Nathan who was calling me a whore. There was only Connor who let my wrists go, bent to the bedside table on my side and enlightened the oil lamp on it. When its light hit my tear stained eyes, I blinked shortly and when I looked into Connor´s worried face, I covered my face with my hands. Why now? I had always slept well in the last nights and had never dreamt of Nathan and this man. Why now of all days? Because I had told Connor about it? Because I basically still had a guilty conscience?  
"Lillian? Lillian, look at me."  
I sobbed and didn´t want to obey Connor´s request. I didn´t want to see the concern in his eyes.  
"I´m fine", I said, muffled by my hands and I heard Connor sighing.  
"You struck and kicked around and when I wanted to calm you, you screamed at me that I shall not touch you. So excuse me, if I do not believe you. Look at me."  
I bit my lower lip but slowly took my hands from my face and sat up trembling. I leaned my back against the headboard, pulled my knees to my body and wrapped my arms around them. Connor watched me closely and I kept my gaze down on a spot on the blanket.  
"It was just a nightmare", I said quietly.  
"Did you dream of this punter and Nathan? That one of them is touching you?"  
I nodded and wiped the tears from my cheeks. "But I´m fine again. Sorry for scaring you."  
"You do not have to apologize. It is understandable that you have nightmares. You had much to endure."

A short silence spread during which I felt that he was still looking at me. I didn´t know if he was expecting me to say something, but what should I say? I felt bad about what just had happened. One look to the other rumpled side of the bed and to Connor, who was only wearing his trousers, told me that he must have been asleep already. He had been on the road for several days to come here, had spent the whole day in the city to find Nathan and his men and now that he finally could have some rest, I was keeping him awake with some nightmares and hysteria. Damn it.  
"I´m fine. Really", I said and gave a forced smile. I rubbed my eyes again and moved out of my huddled posture markedly calm and sank back into the pillow. Connor was watching me again and I got the impression that he wasn´t quite impressed by my performance. Even when I pulled the blanket up to my chin and adopted an apparently relaxed posture on my side, as if I wanted to fall asleep again, he was still sitting next to me and looked down at me. I just wanted to ask him to lie down, too, as he turned towards his side of the bed and stood up. Confused I watched him taking his pillow, throwing it to the floor and disappearing from my vision when he lay down on the floor. What was that supposed to mean? I swallowed heavily. Great. Now I had chased him out of our bed. Now he had decided that he didn´t want to share it with me anymore.

Carefully I crawled to the other side and to the edge of the bed. I looked down and saw Connor, curled up on the bare floor. Nothing more with him but his pillow, which he had wedged between his arms and head.  
"Didn´t you want to sleep in a bed with me anymore?", I asked with a shaky voice but Connor´s gaze was surprised when he turned onto his back and looked at me.  
"Why should I not want that? I just thought that you do not want my closeness for now. All of that upsets you obviously. I do understand, if you do not want to be touched by a man and with that not by me."  
Dumbfounded I blinked at him. That was what he was thinking about? He thought that I couldn´t bear his closeness? He was right: The memory of Nathan and the punter disgusted me and the thought alone, that they had touched me, made me sick. But I wasn´t afraid of Connor´s closeness. This thought had never come to my mind. But it seemed like Connor misunderstood my silence. A faint smile appeared on his face.  
"Do not worry, Lillian. You have to assimilate what you have experienced and I will give you the time you need. I just want you to be fine."  
He turned onto his side again and closed his eyes, as if he wanted to emphasize his words and prove that sleeping on the floor didn't bother him.

I just kept staring at him, before I uttered a quiet snort and pulled away from the edge. I crawled to the bedside table and turned off the light. But instead of laying down, I stood up, grabbed pillow and blanket and walked barefooted to Connor. Even in the faint twilight I could see him wince as I dropped the pillow directly next to his face. I lay down next to him, without saying a word and spread the blanket over us.  
"What are you doing?", Connor asked surprised and I turned onto my side, towards him.  
"If you don´t come to bed with me, I will come to you to the floor and show you, that you´re talking nonsense."  
Like him, I wedged the pillow under my head, before I continued. "You´re right. I don´t want to be touched by any men. That I had to endure that still scares me and I would like to forget it. But I could never be afraid of your closeness. During all this time, your closeness was everything I was longing for. Like I said once: I felt stronger when I thought of you and how could I be afraid of you? You´re not like those men. You would never hurt me and I trust you. I love you and that´s why I could never be afraid of you. So never think that you have to stay away from me because I won´t allow it anyway."

I couldn´t see Connor´s face but I was almost sure that I heard him smirking and as if I wanted to emphasize my words, I reached out a hand and ran my fingertips through his medium-length hair before I moved closer to him and kissed him. We both laughed when I missed his mouth and pressed the kiss onto his nose instead, but he gently laid a hand into my nape and his lips found mine precisely. I sighed quietly. Oh yes, I had missed that.  
"I love you", I whispered and cuddled up to him when he pulled me into his arms. His warmth embraced me and made me become sleepy in an instant. I wouldn´t mind, if we would stay on the floor tonight.  
"I love you, too", Connor replied and I closed my eyes, smiling happily. I was almost asleep, when Connor started to speak again.  
"Lillian?" – "Hm? – "Please do not think that you have to assimilate everything on your own. I do not want you to hold back anything. Do you promise it?" – "I do."  
And I meant what I said. I knew that Connor would never let me down and I wouldn´t do it to him either.


	15. Chapter 15

**Arrival in New York**

In the morning of the following day, I sat in front of Samuel Adams at his desk and we both looked at Connor, who was standing on our right and had rested his hands on the tabletop. He told us about the results of his investigations in the city yesterday, but they weren´t as satisfying as he himself had hoped. The innkeeper in the tavern had claimed that he knew nothing about Nathan and his gang and had almost thrown Connor out. But because he had always glanced to a man in a corner of the room while talking, Connor had lain in ambush in front of the tavern and had waited.  
Shortly afterwards, the man, the innkeeper had looked at, had left the tavern and Connor had followed him while he had crossed the streets and alleys of Philadelphia, determined and obviously very nervous. He had made several detours and had looked around before he had disappeared inside a house in one of the outer districts of the city. Connor had climbed through a window and had listened to a conversation between the man and a young woman. They had talked about some targets the "boss" had decided, but they had doubted that they were going to be still successful with this procedure. Successful with whatever. There had been too much defence lately and the woman had talked about important steps they needed to take and told the man that she wanted to travel to New York.

After this more or less informative conversation, they had left and Connor had looked around in the house. He told with no doubt that it had been a hideout because he had found several maps of the northern former colonies and at which Lexington and Concord had been marked. Two of the settlements and towns which had been attacked. Furthermore Connor had found some letters and in one of the newest, New York was mentioned several times where, so it seemed, the gang wanted to plan further steps.  
"I already sent a message to my men in New York. They will ask around until our arrival."  
With the last sentence he looked at me and I raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Why ours? I don´t want to stop you. I´m wondering anyway, why you are not on your way already. You could be almost there by now."  
"And leave you behind?" Connor cocked his head. "And how do you want to get home?"  
"With a carriage?"  
Connor shook his head. "We will ride together, even if we will need longer like that. The others will get along alone. You will not."  
I really wouldn´t sign the latter but I didn´t say anything. Basically I was glad that Connor hadn´t set off to New York immediately and that I didn´t have to travel home alone.

"When do you want to set off?", Adams asked.  
"As soon as possible. If you house us one more day, I would say that we will set off tomorrow morning at sunrise. I think the horse needs this one day to recover completely." Connor´s gaze met mine. "Is it fine with you?"  
"The sooner we get away from here, the better." I gave a forced smile but then I blushed with shame when I noticed what I had just said. My gaze flitted to Samuel Adams who was smirking.  
"I´m sorry. I didn´t mean it like that. I..."  
"I don't mind." Sam raised his hands and winked at me. "I know what you mean. I would like to leave this city, too but I think I can return to Boston only in a week."  
I smirked. He had often told me that he didn´t like to stay in Philadelphia. He was a convinced politician but the indecision of some other men often gave him a headache. I didn´t like politics because in London I had seen the power games it was connected with. I didn´t want to know how the situation was for the Americans. They had won the war but had to build a state and a government first. Furthermore a mountain of debts had piled up as a consequence of the war and the young nation had to bear it down. And who wanted to serve up horrendous taxes to people, who had rebelled against them in the first place? I didn´t envy anybody for this responsibility.

Sam Adams gave a forced smile when Connor and I left his study and left him alone with an amount of correspondences which had already caused most of his grey hairs, according to him.  
"I´m almost sorry for him", I said as Connor and I went down the hallway and towards the front door. I didn´t know where the assassin wanted to go, but because I didn´t know what to do anyway, I just allowed myself to accompany him.  
"He chose it himself", he answered when he opened the door for me. "But I really would not envy him either."  
"Because you couldn´t sit still long enough to listen to political waffle anyway, am I right?"  
Connor gave me a sceptical glance from the side while we walked over the sunbathed front garden together and headed towards the small stable on the edge of the property.  
"You are underestimating me. I was even there when they declared Washington to their Commander in Chief and signed the Declaration of Independence. But you are right when you claim that I do not attach great important to...political waffle."  
"You never told me that."  
"You never asked."  
I cocked my head smirking, put it back and blinked into the sun, as if I would wallow in some daydreams. "My husband the politician. Wouldn´t be bad either. Just imagine you in a flouncy justeaucorps with distinguished breeches and a white wig on your head. Then you´re standing in front of old men, who are basically looking like you and rant about taxes, laws and other uninteresting things. Very boring but you would look good at least."  
I laughed because this imagination was completely ridiculous and I was more than glad about it. Even though I had seen Connor in justeaucorps and breeches once and he actually had looked very handsome in them. Maybe I should have kept the clothes for him back then...  
"I am glad that you did not lose your sense of humour", Connor teased and I grinned at him from the side.  
"Why sense of humour? I´m totally serious. If you have enough of being an assassin some day, you should think about a political career."  
I laughed again and Connor shook his head smirking, but obviously decided not to say anything more about my nonsense. He opened the gate to the stabled instead and let me go inside first, before he closed it behind us again.

The air was filled with the smell of straw, hay and the three horses which pushed their heads over the doors of their boxes and hummed at us, as if they expected us to feed them. The animals in the first two boxes belonged to the family Adams but the horse in the last box was Cobald, Connor´s horse, who banged his hoof against the door.  
"Skén:nen", Connor murmured and patted the skewbald´s neck while he opened the door and pushed himself into the box. "Skén:nen."  
Cobalt snorted and stayed still now as Connor ran his hand over his left foreleg and lifted it. He repeated it with each leg while I leaned against the waist-high wooden wall and tickled Cobalt´s ears.  
"Is he alright?", I asked Connor when he patted the spotted croup and stepped to me. He nodded.  
"The ride was very exhausting for him. I was worried about his legs but I think everything is fine. We should be able to leave tomorrow."  
"How long do you think will we be on the road?"  
"To New York a week or a few more days, I guess. To Davenport just as long. We cannot expect him to gallop with us both on his back. We will take it easy." He smirked and propped his arms onto the box´s wall next to me. "I neither want to risk that you fall down."  
"How kind of you", I teased and had to evade Cobalt´s head shortly afterwards, when he thrust it into my direction. As if he wanted to scold me for my undertone. Sometimes I really got the feeling that animals were conspiring against me when Connor was around.

He pushed the horse´s head gently aside, slipped out of the box and locked the door behind himself, before he leaned against it. "If you want me to, I will organize a carriage for you and ride after you. I guess it would be more comfortable for you", he offered but I shook my head and arched my eyebrows.  
"More comfortable? Am I a spoiled, English lady who can´t stay on horseback for two weeks?"  
I grinned while a mischievous glance appeared in Connor´s eyes. We both knew the answer of my more or less jocular question but I really wouldn´t mind to travel with Connor on Cobalt´s back. Although it would take more time, but I was already looking forward to spend this time with him.

* * *

The next morning, right after sunrise, we stood next to saddled Cobalt and Connor adjusted the saddlebags so that I could sit comfortable behind the saddle later on. In the meantime I bid farewell to Samuel and his wife, who seemed to be really relieved that we were leaving her house. But maybe I just imagined it. At least she smiled friendly when I made a curtsey to her and bowed my head as a sign of my gratitude for her help. I did the same in front of Sam, but he grabbed my hand and squeezed it.  
"When we´re back in Boston, you´re always welcome. As well as Connor." He smirked when he looked to the assassin because he knew exactly that Connor would never accept this invitation.  
"Thank you", I said nevertheless smiling and Sam nodded.  
"Take care of each other. Not only on your way home." He patted my hand for a last time before Connor stepped beside us and the men shook their hands.  
"Thank you, Sam", Connor said but Adams waved aside.  
"It was a matter of course. Just get home safely and I will ask around, as long as I´m here. Maybe I can learn something about the men you´re looking for."  
Connor thanked him again, nodded to Adams' wife and lifted me onto Cobalt´s back.  
"Is everything alright?", he asked and when I nodded, he swung himself into the saddle. He waited until I had wrapped my arms around him, before he drove Cobalt on. I gave the Adams a last smile, before we left their property and slowly rode down the district´s street. My gaze slid over the houses and people while we crossed Philadelphia and for a last time, I willingly remembered how I had ridden through the streets with Nathan. How I had stumbled through the streets in the middle of the night. Every memory I wanted to leave behind as we finally left the city and Philadelphia was only distant roofs and smoking chimneys on the horizon. We spent the whole day on horseback, only had a few breaks and even though Connor let Cobalt only walk, we came quite far. Soon Philadelphia had disappeared behind us and we were surrounded by forest where the street was the only path between the trees. We heard the roaring of the Delaware River in front of us, even though it was still a few miles away, according to Connor. The assassin had chosen another route than Nathan and his men. Right now we were heading towards a village called Newtown behind which we would have the possibility to cross the Delaware River. After that, a street would be leading directly to the coast and we would follow it to New York then.

In the evening we finally arrived in Newtown, spent the night in a small inn and set off in the next morning after sunrise. In midday we crossed the Delaware River and from then on, our journey went on in the same rhythm every day. We left mile after mile behind us, always made short breaks from time to time and as soon as it got dark, we set up a camp when no town with an inn was nearby, just to set off again at the break of dawn. The days past like this and even though we didn´t talk much, I enjoyed it because we rarely met other travellers. Most of the time we were alone, surrounded by perfect silence and peace only nature could provide and so I didn´t mind that Connor still wasn´t a communicative travel companion. Leaning against him, I listened dreamily to the forest´s noises, let my thoughts wander and had to suppress a laugh from time to time, when my unusual silence seemed to become eerie to Connor and his hands moved from the reins to my arms around his waist. As if he wanted to check that I really was still there and hadn´t fallen down on our way.

But this silence I was enjoying, was going to be over soon. Around eight days after our departure from Philadelphia, we came closer to New York and when the night fell, we were just a few miles away from the city.  
"The moon is shining bright enough tonight to keep riding. Do you think you can still bear about four hours or shall we set up a camp?", Connor asked me when we had a short break and I tried to relax my from sitting stiffened muscles.  
"Of course", was my short answer while I rolled my shoulders which caused a silent crack. "Ouch."  
Connor smirked about my pain twisted face. "This is what happens when you are untrained."  
"Thank you. Next time, I will join you when you´re doing one of your practices. What shall we start with? Log-throwing?" Like a stubborn child, I stuck out my tongue to him which he noticed with an amused shake of his head, before he lifted me onto the horse again and we set off.

But very soon it came to light that my "Of course" had judged my condition a bit too optimistically. When Connor had asked his question, I already had wanted to sleep but I had thought that four hours couldn´t be so bad. But after a short while, I became sleepy and again and again my eyes closed, although I tried desperately to fight against my tiredness. But the warmth of Connor´s body, when I leaned my head against his back, the lightly rocking walk of Cobalt and the regular, muffled beating of his hooves on the street made it more than difficult to me. Eventually I didn´t notice anymore how my eyes closed and I dozed off. But my sleep ended as suddenly as it had begun, when I slipped to the side and only Connor´s courageous grab backward could prevent me from falling off the horse. He stopped Cobalt and turned in the saddle towards me while I was blinking ordering my consciousness.  
"What are you doing? You cannot let go just like that."  
"I didn´t let go", I growled and as if I wanted to proof it, I wrapped my arms firmly around his waist again, from where they had slipped off before.  
"Did you fall asleep?"  
I didn´t answer this question and Connor uttered a short snort. "You could have told me that you want to sleep."  
"It´s not my fault", I mumbled. "Sometimes Cobalt´s walk reminds of a rocking-chair."

A short silence, before Connor sighed and steered Cobalt off the street. He stopped on a free, by rocks and thicket surrounded spot, dismounted and tied Cobalt, before he lifted me off the horse.  
"We can go on", I mumbled while I watched him unsaddling Cobalt.  
"You need to sleep", he said shortly but decisively and unrolled the sleeping mat on which I sat down sighing. Connor didn´t take the time to light a fire as always, but slipped out of his coat and spread it over me, after I had lain down. Shrouded in the warmth that Connor´s body had left behind, a hearty yawn escaped me which I couldn´t hide behind my hand.  
"And you want to tell me that you could have born a few more hours", Connor grumbled when he lay down next to me and stroked over my cheek.  
"I could have", I mumbled, my eyes already closed. I only heard Connor´s whispered "Of course", before I finally fell asleep.

* * *

We arrived in New York in the late morning of the next day. After all the silence on our way here, the outer districts of the city alone were a bit overstraining. Children were playing on the meadows, farmers were working on their fields and some women were selling the yields of this work on small carts. When we came past some of them, I jumped off Cobalt´s back, which made Connor protest when I started to stumble and almost fell. But ignoring that, I went to one of the women, bought a handful of cherries off her and went alongside Cobalt shortly afterwards, chewing with relish. I spit the stones out discreetly on the side of the road, when nobody was watching, but I enjoyed the fresh, sweet taste of the fruits on my tongue while we slowly departed from the rural districts of New York and approached the city´s centre.

Eventually Connor dismounted the horse and next to each other, we pushed ourselves past the people, who were busily walking over the streets and were partly irritated, when they had to evade us, or better to say Cobalt.  
"Where are we going to?", I asked while I gave my last cherries to a boy, who had withdrawn into the shadow of some stacked up boxes, looking morose. Surprised he looked at me but then grinned widely. He would rather be able to spit around with cherry stones in the city than I.  
"One of my men owns a small house in the city. We will meet the others there", Connor answered in the meantime.  
"And how do they know that we are arriving today of all days?"  
"They know it."  
Great answer. I uttered a quiet snort and get out of the way of a cart, whose wheel rolled past me by a hair´s breadth.

From now on I stayed silent and just glanced at Connor from time to time, whose face I couldn´t see thanks to his hood. Only when he turned his head slightly into my direction, I could see that he was letting his eyes roam attentively over our environment. Watchful like always but I had the feeling that he was looking for something or someone. Probably for Nathan´s gang but who knew which persons belonged to them except of those we had already seen? I began to scrutinize the people around me, too but by no stretch of the imagination I could see anything conspicuous. The only conspicuous man was walking beside me or better to say: He stopped all of the sudden and grabbed my wrist. He pulled me to the side of the road where two horses were tied in the shadow of a building and he pushed Cobalt´s reins into my hand.  
"Act as if you are taking care of him. Keep your eyes down and do not move."  
And with that he was gone. I only saw his hood disappearing between the heads of the people, before I couldn´t see him anymore. Sometimes it was eerie to see how easily he could disappear in the crowd because nothing about him was really inconspicuous. Neither his build, nor his clothes, nor his weapons. But to disappear belonged to the business of an assassin while I had nothing else left but his "keep your head down and don´t move"-order. I always had been a master in doing the latter.

Sighing I wrapped Cobalt´s reins around the small wooden frame in front of us, leaned my hip against it and tickled the soft horse nose, while I tried to look totally relaxed. As if I was only waiting for somebody who had some businesses in one of the stores nearby. But inwardly I was anything but relaxed. It worried me that Connor had disappeared so all of the sudden. He must have seen something. But what? What did he want to do now? Was he just following some bandits while I had to ask myself, how much time this was going to take?  
"Being an assassin must be really exciting and varied", I murmured to Cobalt, who let his lower lip droop relaxed and had closed his eyes. "Always somewhere where it is exciting, mingling with people, climbing...somebody like us has to stay on the ground and spends his time unsuspecting and idly."  
I tapped with a finger against the hanging horse lip and winced, as somebody tapped my shoulder in return.

Appalled I turned my head to the side and found myself in front of a strange woman. She had short brown hair which she had tied into a braid and even though she wasn´t wearing a hood, her appearance reminded me of Janet Pierce´s, an assassin from London.  
"Are you Lillian?", she asked and scrutinized me. I remembered that Connor had told something about a woman who was working for the bandits and who had wanted to go to New York. Was she this woman?  
"No", I answered, hoping that I didn't sound as nervous as I felt. I glanced into the direction Connor had disappeared in, but of course he wasn´t to be seen anywhere. The woman in front of me smiled purse-lipped and patted Cobalt´s croup.  
"If that´s so, you shouldn´t stand by this horse because it doesn´t belong to you and I don´t think that its owner would like to see somebody else with it. Right, Cobalt?"  
The horse turned its head into her direction when it heard its name and I raised my eyebrow. Why did she know it anyway?  
"My name is Deborah Carter but you can call me Dobby", she introduced herself. "I´m one of Connor´s recruits here in New York and he asked me to pick you up."  
I frowned. "You met him?"  
Dobby nodded. "Just a few minutes ago. He saw two men who belong to the gang he is looking for and he is following them. I would have wanted to help him but he said that I rather should bring you away from here."  
She didn´t look quite pleased about it. In the contrary. She had a bitter expression about her mouth and she crossed her arms in front of her chest when I didn´t make a move to comply with her words.  
"So what now? Do you want to put down roots here?"

Distrustful I scrutinized her. Basically I couldn´t know if she really knew Connor and if he had sent her. Was the fact, that she knew his horse, a proof? But why should somebody know the name of a random, strange horse?  
"And where are you supposed to bring me to?", I asked anyway.  
"To one of my comrades' house. It´s not far from here and Connor will be there to, as soon as he returns."  
 _Hopefully._  
I nodded slowly, loosening Cobalt´s reins and led him after Dobby, who was walking in front of me with quick and determined steps. We spoke no word to each other until she led me through a small alley between two houses to a backyard. There she ordered me to tie Cobalt and after I had taken off his saddle and saddle bags, I followed Dobby into one of the houses.

Inside we stood in a large living room which wouldn´t have made me think that here was usually an endless coming and going of assassins. For an outsider it must look like as if an ordinary family was living here but the two men, who were sitting at the table in the middle of the room, were anything but ordinary. One had a long, reddish brown beard and wore a hat made of bearskin on his head and a long, white coat, which didn´t hide that he was of strong build. Next to him leaned a heavy looking halberd. His seatmate had the stiff posture of a soldier, was bald-headed and he also had a heavy weapon next to him which I didn´t recognize. It looked like a huge club.  
Both man looked at us curiously when we entered the house and Dobby led me to the table. She sat down on a chair and pointed at me. "Lillian, these are Jamie Colley", she pointed at the man with the bearskin-hat. "and Jacob Zenger. They are also assassins Connor recruited here."  
I nodded at the men who greeted me, too and Jacob offered me a seat. Gratefully I sat down and then I looked back and forth between the three assassins, not without noticing that none of them was wearing a hidden blade. Wasn´t it a common weapon for a member of the brotherhood?

"Where is Connor?", Jacob asked and I had never heard his accent before.  
"Somewhere in the city. He saw some of this gang´s members and wanted to follow them. He asked me to bring her here." Dobby still didn´t seem quite pleased about this order. "He will join us later."  
Both men nodded and the following silence was almost unpleasant. I felt entirely out of place at this table. In front of two armed men and next to a likewise armed woman who was giving me scrutinizing, almost sceptical gazes from the side. Even though I had so many questions, only to break the silence, I restrained myself and just hoped that Connor was going to find his way here soon.


	16. Chapter 16

**That´s why I´m here**

I eventually broke the silence to learn something about the others. Jamie and Jacob willingly gave me information, while Deborah was more reserved. So I learned for example that Jamie had worked as a doctor´s assistant and had supported and treated the homeless and sick in the affected district after the great fire in 1776. Jacob was a former Hessian soldier, the explanation why I hadn´t recognized his German accent. He had been supposed to fight with the British in the War of Independence. But he had left the service after his arrival in America and tried to create a new life for himself and his family, who he had brought here by now, too. The house we were in was his.  
I didn´t learn much about Deborah, except that she was exerting herself for the poor in her city. Their stories were totally different from each other, but all three of them had one thing in common: They had met Connor in different desperate situations, he had fought alongside them and had offered them to join the brotherhood. Once again I was made aware how much Connor had done for other people in the past and this knowledge made me feel an incredible warmth and affection, that I was already feeling for him anyway. I was proud of him.

After all my questions, I neither was spared by some. The others knew nothing more about me than my name and that I was married to Connor. At least Jacob and Jamie were interested in where I came from and when I mentioned that I had spent most of my life with a templar, they were all the more interested. Even Dobby, but she seemed to be more sceptical about me after this information.  
"You´re a templar?", she asked, almost shocked.  
"No. My uncle was a templar. I may have had much to do with templars, but I was never a part of the order and especially didn´t support their ideology."  
"But you´re supporting the brotherhood?"  
Dobby´s question made me stumble. I actually never really thought about if I was supporting the creed and the ideals of the assassins. I had been by their side in the past and also stood by Connor. But I did the latter because I loved him and it was my duty somehow. But was I a supporter of a whole brotherhood and its values with that? Thinking about it, I knew too little about the assassins to say that. I knew more about the templars.

"I think I´m impartial", I answered. "I´m supporting Connor when I can, but sometimes I don´t know what he´s doing in the name of the brotherhood."  
Dobby stared at me as if I had just got a second nose. It seemed like my answer wasn´t enough for her.  
"You´re married to an assassin, a grandmaster of the brotherhood even, without supporting what he´s doing?"  
"First and last I´m married to a man", I replied irritated. "I´m supporting him as good as I can, but when it is about the brotherhood, I fear that I can´t be a help to him anyway. Otherwise I wouldn´t be here but with him."  
"That´s true." Dobby snorted almost scornfully and leaned back in her chair with her arms crossed. Whatever I had done to her, she didn´t like me and reminded me of the female assassin in London again. She´d had a similar opinion about me. She had claimed that I, as a spoiled merchant´s daughter, would never be able to understand what it meant to fight for something. I had proved the opposite to her in my own way, but I had the feeling that I didn´t need to tell that Dobby. Like her, I crossed my arms in front of my chest and stared at some spot on the opposite wall while I saw from the corner of my eye, how the two men looked us women over and then gave knowing gazes to each other. Good that they didn´t comment on our argument. So we shrouded ourselves in silence again and it became almost depressing. But this time I didn´t have any ambitions to break it. I didn´t need to anyway.

Just when my anger about Dobby had slightly faded and I began to worry about Connor again, a muffled noise sounded over our heads. Then steps. In an instant the assassins were on their feet, had taken their weapons and took position by the staircase that was leading upstairs. I had stood up, too but stayed where I was and watched the scene tensely. If it should come to a fight in this small space, I didn´t want to stand in anybody´s way. But it shouldn´t come so far. When steps sounded on the staircase, the assassin relaxed noticeably and I also uttered a quiet sigh when Connor appeared on the stairs and looked down at us shortly, before he finally came downstairs.  
"It is too easy to open the roof hatch", he told Jacob, as if it was the most common thing on earth that you entered a house over the roof. But I didn´t wonder about it. At least he had climbed through the window of my bedroom when we had met for the first time. And after that he had come into my room like this twice. So when it was possible, Connor wasn´t a friend of doors but Jacob didn´t seem to mind.  
"I will have a look at it at the next opportunity", he smirked and they all returned to the table where I sat down on my chair again. But not without looking Connor over. His sleeves, especially at his hidden blade, were stained with blood that was already dry. On the white of his shirt shined some bloodstains as well but Connor himself seemed to be unharmed.

While the others also took a seat and we all looked at him curiously, he propped his hands onto the backrest of a free chair and looked around.  
"On the way here I saw two men of whom I was sure that they belong to the gang we are looking for. I followed them and was not wrong", he told with a clam voice. "They disappeared inside a warehouse at the harbour and when I followed them, it looked like they have their hideout there. I found some boxes with stolen goods but also some maps like those I have seen in Philadelphia. But this was not the most interesting thing." Connor made a short break in which we looked at him even more curious, if this was even possible. Was he tantalising us on purpose?  
"The men´s names were Jameson and Garfield, as far as I understood it during their conversation and after I had taken care of them, I found their sea chests with their personal belongings and both of them possessed British soldier uniforms."  
"Redcoats?", Dobby asked. "Are you sure? Do you think the uniforms belonged to the men?"  
"I watched them long enough. They behaved like soldiers, not like common bandits."  
"Even if that is the case, they certainly weren´t soldiers anymore", I said, shaking my head. "King George had to withdraw all soldiers or the peace would have failed. If those men were still here, it certainly wasn´t at royal behest."  
Jacob nodded. "Maybe they were deserters who left the sinking ship right before the war´s end."  
"But it´s certain that those bandits are well organized and that more than a few men are belonging to them. At least they are spread out over three towns. Somebody with great influence must be pulling the strings and who says that they are not British? Maybe they want to halt the peace somehow?"  
"And that´s why they are attacking simple settlers?" I couldn´t stop my voice from sounding mocking, after Dobby had voiced this guess. I agreed with her, when she said that somebody with influence was behind the gang but I doubted that the British were the ones pulling the strings.  
"A peace treaty was signed and the king would be stupid, if he would risk this peace. The war has cost the kingdom a lot of money and the people were anything but pleased about it. If he would risk the peace here, he would also risk the peace in his own country."

A thoughtful silence followed after my words and at least the men looked like they believed me. Jamie nodded and murmured: "There would be certainly more interesting aims than simple settlers. But who could be behind it? The templars?"  
This time it was Connor, who shook his head. "I doubt it. The templars are doing everything to support the patriots. If they would cause trouble in the settlements, they would harm their own interests."  
"And none of the men seemed to be a templar, if you ask me", I added. "They didn´t even know that Connor is an assassin. When one of them was in his armoury and saw Achilles' robes, he didn´t know what he had in front of his nose. He even thought that Connor was some sort of soldier."  
Silence again, before Dobby began to speak. "Did you found out something else? Did they say something that could help us?"  
Connor nodded slowly, his thoughtful gaze directed at a spot on the tabletop. "They were supposed to watch over the stolen goods in the warehouse, which are going to be picked up in the evening. I wanted to return then. If we know, what happens to the goods, we will probably learn more about the gang´s intentions. Because I am sure that their attacks are not about the haul, regarding to their proceeding."  
"They want to sell it, most likely. I will ask around among some traders, if they got offered more valuables lately, if you don´t mind." Dobby had stood up and seemed to be full of beans. Connor just glanced at her and nodded, whereupon the woman left the house through the backdoor.

Jacob and Jamie also offered to ask around in other parts of the city and so this little meeting was finished as sudden as it had begun. Connor and I stayed behind and while I was sitting silently on my chair and tugged at the pleats of my skirt, Connor stood there, still leaning against the chair and I felt his gaze on me.  
"If you have to go somewhere: Yes, I will be a good girl and wait here and won´t get up to anything", I said, without raising my eyes. I didn´t like the thought of sitting alone in somebody else´s house, but I doubted that Connor would allow me to stroll through the city. At least some bandits were walking around here, even though I didn´t believe that they could become dangerous to me. New York was big and full of people and soldiers. They would be barely able to kidnap me from the street or attack me without somebody stopping them. But this didn´t seem to be Connor´s concern.

He pulled away from his posture and approached me, which made me looking at him now. His hand grabbed into his coat and he took out a folded letter and gave it to me, after he had sat down next to me.  
"Do you know anything about it?", he asked and I took the letter with a confused expression. It was folded several times and the seal, which was supposed to close it, was already broken. Slowly I unfolded the paper and skimmed through it. It was the order to watch over the stolen goods in the warehouse and that the addressee of the letter was supposed to tell a certain Vares, that the writer of the letter was expecting his visit. Nothing that caught my attention except of the name maybe but I had never heard it before.

Confused I raised my eyes from the letter and looked at Connor, who shook his head when he noticed my confusion. "Not the letter", he said and took the paper from me. He laid it onto the table and folded like it had been before. But now he put the wax seal back together as good as possible and pointed at it. I pulled the letter closer to me and bent over the seal, frowning. There were a few pieces missing but I gasped as I recognized some elements of the emblem. The forehand of a horse whose left foreleg strode out. It had a laurel wreath in its mouth and some sort of sash on its back, most of its parts already missing. Nevertheless I could still see the curved, lower parts of a letter and I didn´t need to see the complete emblem to know exactly how it had used to look like.  
"That´s my family´s emblem", I whispered and stroked with a finger over the waxen horse head. I had only seen this seal when my father had wrote important correspondences. My uncle had never used it because it mainly belonged to the business my great-grandfather had built up in the past and as the second son, Richard never had anything to do with it. Furthermore he had always insisted that he wanted to make a name for himself and wouldn´t need the family´s emblem for that. It was so long ago until I had seen it the last time, but it seemed like Connor had recognized it, too because he nodded.  
"I saw it on your father´s last will and I recognized it immediately. Are you really sure?"  
I nodded but frowned deeply.

"But who´s using it? I have no relatives anymore and actually my father was the only one using it." I grabbed the letter again and turned it over, as if I could get a hint to its writer like that. But of course there was none. It wasn´t even signed. I thought about my own question but no satisfying answer came to my mind. My father´s signet ring, the only one that was still existing, had disappeared after his death but nobody would have an advantage in using it and nobody would use somebody else´s family emblem to sign his correspondences.  
"Are you really sure that you have no cousins or other relatives who could use it?"  
I nodded. "I´m the last of our name." To say that was a stab to my heart because I had never really thought about it. I had always been used to have no other relatives but my uncle since my grandparents' death. At least on my father´s side. I had met my mother´s family only briefly but because my mother had been French, her relatives were living in France and it were over twenty years since my last visit there.

"Do you think, somebody is using my family emblem on purpose?", I asked with a dull voice and felt sick with the thought that somebody was probably ordering attacks on other people in the name of my family.  
"I do not know", Connor said honestly and laid his hand on mine, which was still holding the letter. Gently he loosened my fingers from the paper where they had really clawed at and intertwined them with his. "But I will find it out. I promise."  
I nodded and sighing I propped up my head with my other hand. "Sometimes I get the feeling that everything purposely becomes more complicated than it already is."  
"But maybe there is an easy explanation for everything. Do not drive yourself crazy."  
Connor stroked one of my strands of hair behind my ear and put the letter back into his pocket before he stood up and pulled me onto my feet, too. "I got a room in a tavern. I will take you there."  
"And what shall I do there?", I asked, while he led me through the backdoor to Cobalt, his fingers still intertwined with mine. Connor let my hand go, patted the horse´s neck and began to saddle it while he answered me.  
"Well, I thought you want to rest."  
I frowned. "It´s midday. I don´t need to rest. I need some fresh air at best."  
"And I want to know where you are when I go to the warehouse later."  
There was the rub. Of course. Connor didn´t like the thought that I could stroll through the city alone.

I sighed but for once I decided to say nothing more about it. Instead I followed Connor when he grabbed Cobalt´s reins and went back to the street through the small alley. Form Jacob´s house it wasn´t far to the tavern Connor had chosen. He tied Cobalt in front of the building, took the saddlebags and I followed him inside. The innkeeper seemed to recognize Connor and nodded at us, before we went upstairs and Connor led me into a room where he put the bags onto a chair, while I closed the door behind me and sat down on the foot of the bed. I stroked over the blanket and suddenly, I thought of how long it had been since I had slept in our own bed and some kind of homesickness spread inside of me. The longing for my familiar environment, for my friends, even for the simple duties I had to fulfil. Although Connor was with me at least, I felt out of place in this city. There was nothing I could do, while Connor already knew what he had to expect today. Well, I could try to talk Connor into letting me have a walk. But what benefit would I have except of fresh air and exercise? New York wasn´t quite a beautiful city I wanted to take a look at. Strictly speaking, it was only a city like every other city. It wasn´t different to Boston but at least it was more beautiful than Philadelphia.

"Are you well?" Connor had pushed the hood off his head and sat down next to me. I nodded and raised my eyes to give him a faint smile.  
"I´m just glad when we´re home soon. I miss Davenport."  
"I promise, we will set off as soon as possible", Connor said quietly, put an arm around me and pulled me closer. Sighing I wrapped my arms around his waist, leaned my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes for a moment. We sat there like this for a while and I listened to Connor´s regular breathing, enjoyed his closeness and hoped that his mission by the warehouse tonight was going to be successful. But especially that he would come back in one piece.  
"I wish I could help you to find the gang", I broke the silence with my quiet voice and spoke out the thought I had since the short dispute with Dobby. It nagged me that I basically was going to sit in a safe room again, hoping for his return while Connor was probably risking his life. But there was nothing I could do. I could only wait for him and treat his wounds when it was necessary. Or in the worst case, mourn him. But I didn´t say that, even when Connor seemed to misunderstand my words.  
"You already did. You told us what you knew about them and with that you excluded where we do not have to search for them. Leave the rest to us."  
I nodded but bit my lower lip, feeling uncomfortable and knowing that Connor couldn´t see it.

When there was a knock on the door, we pulled away from our embrace and Connor stood up, his hand resting on his tomahawk when he granted access. It was Dobby who pushed her head through the open door and looked at Connor, then at me.  
"Apologize for the disturbance", she said and I believed to hear a bitter undertone in her voice.  
"You do not disturb." Connor put his hand off the weapon and indicated to Dobby that she should enter. "Did you find out something?"  
The female assassin´s gaze slid to me with his question, as if she didn´t want to say anything as long as I was around. But when I didn´t make a move to stand up and Connor didn´t say anything about my presence, she nodded.  
"It looks like they have a trader in the city who´s buying the stolen goods off them and sells it again. I was in his store and it seems like there is nothing fishy about it."  
"Did you talk to the trader?"  
Dobby shook her head. "Of course not. I didn´t want to warn him if he should come to the warehouse tonight. But maybe he can still be useful to us."  
Connor nodded and his fingers began to play with the strap the tomahawk was hanging in. He seemed to think about something but then he looked at me.  
"Do you think you are alright?"  
When I nodded, he turned towards Dobby again and pulled the hood over his head. "Show me the store. I want to have a look at it myself."

* * *

Before Connor had left with Dobby, he had told me to lock the door while I was in the room. After that, I had sat alone on the bed for a moment and had stared into space. It had been midday and I hadn´t known what to do with myself. So I had forgotten every concern for a while and had left the room and the tavern to have a walk around the block. I had kept away from all dark alleys and backyards and had followed the stream of people in the streets. When I had started to think that I knew the block by heart, I had returned into the room in the tavern and had looked for another activity. Had brushed my hair with my fingers, thanks to a missing brush and certainly had done it several times without a mirror. Sadly enough I had felt proud about it because now I knew how to do some hairstyles without a mirror at last. I ignored the fact that I actually didn´t know if they had looked good.  
I was glad when it finally became dark and after I had eaten something in the dining area, I had finally withdrawn into the room, undressed down to my shift and slipped underneath the blanket. I wasn´t tired but talked me into thinking that it was better to sleep than sit there awake and think of Connor, who could be in the warehouse right now or already in a fight. Again I thought that I wanted to be with him and help him. But it would always be only a wish. I couldn´t be a help to him when it became dangerous. With this quite dark thought, I closed my eyes and fell into a troubled sleep of which I didn´t know how long it was going to last.

A knock on the door woke me up and I felt uneasy when I saw that Connor hadn´t returned yet. But who was knocking at our door in the middle of the night? I sat up slowly, not sure what to do. But when Dobby´s voice sounded behind the door, saying my name, I was on my feet immediately, turned the key in the lock and opened the door. Dobby stood in front of me and I had to admire her for her strength because she had Connor´s arm over her shoulders and obviously had to support him. He was hanging there like a wet rag and seemed to be only half conscious.  
"What happened?", I asked shocked and Connor raised his head and blinked at me, when he heard my voice.  
"It is alright", he mumbled but obviously had to concentrate on each word. "I am fine."  
"You´re not", Dobby growled and lugged him over the threshold towards the bed. Connor put one foot in front of the other, but his walk was slow and unsteady. "A guy has struck a gun´s handle over his head during the fight. Made him become unconscious for a moment."  
"I was not unconscious. I am fine, damn it", Connor swore and almost fell backwards onto the mattress in the same moment when Dobby sat him down on the foot of the bed.  
"Yes of course, you pighead." The female assassin pulled the hood off his head and now I saw the laceration on his right temple. It wasn´t quite large but was bleeding heavily. The blood had already run over Connor´s cheek and now dripped down on his pants when he bent forward, as if he hoped that it was easier to keep his balance like that.

"I will check if I can find something we can treat him with downstairs", Dobby told me and left the room. I stepped to Connor and put a hand under his chin to lift it and have a better look at the wound.  
"Do you have other wounds?", I asked and Connor shook his head, just to close his eyes afterwards and utter a quiet curse. I could well imagine that his head was throbbing and that he felt dizzy, but I didn´t say anything about it. When Dobby returned with some rags and a bowl of water, I took one of the rags and pressed it against the wound. Ignoring Connor´s short wince. The female assassin stood next to me with crossed arms and scrutinized Connor, who had his eyes still closed and swayed slightly back and forth.  
"Did you find out something?", I asked into the silence and it was Dobby who answered.  
"The trader I had talked about really is a fence for the stolen goods. But he bought them far below their price. It didn´t seem to be important to the bandits anyway."  
"So it isn´t about the gain."  
Dobby shook her head. "When the trader was gone, one of them left to bring the money to their boss. We followed him to a house where he gave the money to a man called Vares. We thought, we had found the boss but unfortunately they detected us, we had to fight, kill Vares and the other men there and then we found out that Vares wasn´t the mastermind behind everything. He had started to write a letter but couldn´t write more than an announcement of his next visit. He couldn´t tell us anymore where and when."  
"So we have nothing again?" I squinched up my face and began to soak another rag with water to wash the blood off Connor´s face. The wound wasn´t bleeding anymore and didn´t seem so bad that it needed to be stitched. Hopefully it would be enough, if I wrapped one of the rags around his hand for the night.  
"Not quite." Connor´s voices sounded muffled but he didn´t seem to be as dazed as I had thought. "We found a coded message. Until now we do not know what it means, but I am sure that it can help us. Mr. Faulkner will have a look at it, as soon as we are back in Davenport. He knows a lot about something like this. We will set off tomorrow morning."  
I frowned. "If you are able to do so."  
Connor gave me a serious look but still had to blink multiple times. "I am fine", he growled and I let him believed that.

After I had wrapped one of the rags around his head like a bandage, I accompanied Dobby, who wanted to bid farewell, to the door. We stepped into the hallway and with a last glance at Connor, who was sitting with his head down on the bed, I closed the door behind us.  
"Thank you for bringing him here", I said and gave a faint smile to Dobby. She shrugged her shoulders.  
"It was a matter of course. I´m here to help him in such situations." She nodded at the door. "But my competence ends here. From now on you have to take care of him." And with these words, she left me alone. My gaze followed her before I went back into the room, where Connor was still sitting more or less straight.  
"Come. You need to rest", I said quietly and for once he didn´t protest. He let me take off his weapons and helped me more or less to free him from his leggings, shoes, the coat and the bloodstained shirt. He also didn´t say anything when I helped him to stand up and led him to a side of the bed, where he lay down with a groan. I lay down on the other side, spread the blanket over us and checked the fit of the rag around his head once again. When I ran my fingertips through his hair, he grabbed my hand shortly and squeezed it gently.  
"Niá:wen", he thanked me and I forced myself to smile.  
"That´s why I´m here."


	17. Chapter 17

_Hello everyone ^^  
_

 _Because of the lack of written feedback on the German version and general writing issues, translating is more fun right now and that´s why the next chapter is already done. ^^ I´m often receiving your reviews at night (in German time) and so I read them in the morning and it´s always a delightful way to start the day. So thank you so much for your feedback. It means a lot._

 _But now I have to say something about it, before I let you read this chapter. For some German readers, Connor became OOC in this chapter because of his "monologue" in the very beginning. But I think even though he isn´t a man of words, it would be different if he has to say something that is important to him. So I´m already sorry if you don´t agree to his behaviour here. For me it suits to him and I guess it probably_ _won´t stay_ _the only time he´s talking a bit more than usual. ^^_

 ** _Reviews:_**

 **Luthlien:** _Actually that´s the point of the whole (and also this) chapter: Lillian isn´t an assassin and she will never be one. It has several reasons. First: You need years of training to become a "good" assassin. We don´t know even one assassin who wasn´t trained since childhood (at least I don´t ^^). Lillian is 26 and too old to start such a hard training, especially because she doesn´t have a basic knowledge she could build on. But she wouldn´t want to become an assassin anyway. She can´t kill people. It would destroy her and even though she is getting to a point where she says "I would kill, if I had to" later on in the story, it wouldn´t be easy for her. Just remember her reaction when she killed Walter Tibbet in "Freedom". ;) And last but not least: I don´t want her to be an assassin. I created her because I wanted to have an OC who can´t fight and who is just a "normal" person. Lillian wouldn´t be my Lillian anymore if I would make her become an assassin. ;) So I´m sorry. ^^ But Connor is going to teach her one thing or two later in the story. ;)  
_

 **MohawkWoman _:_** _Actually it was the other way around. :D I always think of a title when the chapter is finished. So I thought that the last sentence would be a good summary of the whole chapter. But I´m glad to hear that it worked somehow. ^^_

* * *

 **A summer thunderstorm**

When I woke up in the next morning, Connor was still sleeping soundly. Carefully I sat up and stroked some strands of his hair aside to have a better look at the makeshift bandage around his head. The rag was still clean which meant that the wound hadn´t started to bleed again at least. I just hoped that Connor was also well because judged by his condition tonight, the hit on his head hadn´t been as harmless as he wanted to claim. But as if he had heard my thoughts, he opened his eyes and a smirk appeared on his lips when he looked at me.  
"Judged by your gaze you could think that somebody died", he murmured and his hand moved to the rag around his head. He squinched up his face.  
"How are you? Are you alright or shall I call for a doctor?" Worried I looked him over but Connor gave a faint and forced smile.  
"I am fine. Really."  
I raised an eyebrow whereupon he added: "Maybe a light headache but I am really fine beside that."  
I looked at him sceptically, raised a hand and shoved two fingers right under his nose. "How many?"  
Connor raised an eyebrow. "Six", he teased and pulled me down to him by my hand, so that I lay half on his chest and the tips of our noses almost touched each other. "I am fine", he repeated and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Do not be so concerned every time."  
Now I was the one raising her eyebrow and I lifted my torso a bit to look him in the eyes. "Look who´s talking. You´re never relaxed about my safety either."  
"Because you cannot defend yourself when you have to."  
"No. I´m an average woman who has to hide when it becomes dangerous and can watch others doing her fights", I said bitterly, loosened his arms from my waist and flopped onto my back, staring at the ceiling.

After a short moment of silence, Connor rolled onto his side, propped up himself with one arm and his face appeared in my vision, frowning, his gaze confused.  
"You are not an average woman. Why are you talking so derogative about yourself? Nobody is expecting you to fight. There is nothing bad about it."  
"You think that. But maybe others don´t." I was still staring at the ceiling but Connor put a hand under my chin and made me look at him.  
"What are you talking about? Who said that?"  
"Nobody. Not directly." I bit my lower lip. I didn´t want to tell him about my dispute with Dobby and that was why I decided to talk only about my own thoughts.  
"Sometimes I just think that I would be a better match to you, if I was an assassin. I wouldn´t need to sit and wait for you every time. I´m always worried if you come back and when you´re back, I often can do nothing else but to treat your wounds. I just think I would be a better help, if I would fight by your side."  
While I had spoken, the wrinkles on Connor´s forehead had become deeper and now he was looking at me completely uncomprehendingly. Slowly he shook his head.  
"How can you think something so absurd?"  
"Well, you wouldn´t have to be so worried about an assassin all the time and could concentrate on more important things. An assassin like...Dobby for example."  
Now Connor´s eyes widened and he appeared even more confused. "Dobby?", he asked and when I nodded slowly, his lips curled into a smile before he chuckled.  
"Is this about your small dispute yesterday? That she doubted that you could support me?", he asked.  
"You know about it?"  
Connor nodded. "She told me, but she did not want to attack you personally. She just felt passed over because I have not kept my promise to her."  
Now I was the one frowning. "What kind of promise?", I asked almost distrustfully but Connor shrugged his shoulders, unperturbed by it.  
"During the war she asked me why I was still single and I told her that I hadn´t the time for a woman until then but that I could imagine to settle somewhere and have a family when the time is right. She asked me to give her the first chance when the time had come and I promised it."  
"You did what?" I sat up in a jerk and only Connor´s good reactions prevented his nose from meeting my forehead. "You cannot give such a promise so easily!"  
"Why not?" Connor cocked his head and really seemed to be serious about this question and I stared at him dumbfounded. Had he really spontaneously promised to a woman, to consider her first as soon as he thought about having a family? I didn´t know what to say about it but Connor hadn´t finished confusing me yet.  
"Dobby is a good looking woman. Smart, with fighting spirit. Why should I not have promised it to her?"  
Oh great. That was exactly what I wanted to hear.  
"Well, what a pity that you didn´t keep your promise. Sounds like you would have been a perfect couple", I hissed. I surely was no assassin but I was almost sure that sometime I was going to be able to stab somebody with my gazes.

But Connor wasn´t quite impressed by it. He blinked at me and didn´t seem to know how to judge my reaction. Was he really so detached? I told him that I feared that an assassin like Dobby could be a better match to him and he listed the reasons why he actually could consider it. Not to forget that it wasn´t a nice touch towards Dobby either. I doubted that a woman would ask for such a promise, if she hadn´t feelings for the man she was asking. Now I understood why she had behaved so reserved to me. I wouldn´t have behaved different either. But it seemed like Connor hadn´t thought about it. Or...had feelings been involved on his side, too? I swallowed heavily.  
"Have you been in love with her, when you gave the promise?"  
Connor still looked at me surprised but shook his head vigorously. "At this point of time, I just thought that it could not be wrong to promise it to her. I do not know if I would have kept it in the end. But now it is invalid anyway and Dobby does not mind. Everything is fine."  
I was still sceptical about it, but I doubted that it made sense to give Connor an understanding of female emotions. He was a pragmatist through and through. But I still had my original concerns.

"Don´t you think sometimes, regardless of Dobby, that an assassin would have been a better match to you than somebody like me?"  
"You mean a woman who cannot fight, who is not a part of the brotherhood and whose biggest concerns lie in her daily life?"  
I nodded and a smirk curled Connor´s lips as he slowly shook his head. "Maybe you are not an assassin or a fighter at all, but that is exactly why you have another view on the events around you and that is what I have appreciated about you right from the beginning." He paused for a moment to sit up and cross his legs. "My whole life I have been surrounded by conflicts, wanted to protect my people and had to think about how to do that. That is why I joined the brotherhood. I knew since the start of my training that I had to kill some templars to achieve my aims and I basically spent my days with planning these murders and fighting in a war at the same time, because I hoped that I could help people with that. I spent days with fighting and when I came home, I was still fighting in my thoughts. I never really slept because my mind was controlled by it and I thought that this was going to be over as soon as the war was ended and the templars were defeated. But when it was over, my people were driven out and other templars came and with them other conflicts. I am an assassin, always will be and that is why probably my whole life is going to be about fighting. But I chose this life and I do not regret it. Furthermore by now it is easier for me to sleep and think about something different than fighting and do you know why?"  
He gave me a crooked smile. "When I come home now, you are there. You are not an assassin but you understand my concerns nevertheless. But just because you are not an assassin, it is easier for me to leave them behind. You cannot believe how I enjoy it to listen to you, when you tell me how you spent your day, even though you always think that what you are telling me is not important and boring. You always say that my day was certainly more exhausting and interesting than yours and that is why you think that what you are telling me is less important than what I am telling you. But that is not true. When I am with you, I can forget my concerns as an assassin. I go into my training room, take off my robes and weapons and as soon as I leave the room, I am just a man who is looking forward to take his wife in his arms and spend time with her. You make me come to rest and even when you are confronted by my problems like now, I have the feeling that you are taking a burden from my shoulders. You do not need to be an assassin for that because when you are facing my problems, you are not doing it with the values of the brotherhood but with your own mind and your own heart. Like you did in London and on Unst. That is what makes you special and I do not want you to think little about yourself. Because you are a better support to me in the way you are, than if you would stand next to me armed. If I had wanted it different, I would not have waited half a year until you came back to me from England."

When he had ended, I just stared at him speechless for a while. I didn´t know what to say, beside the fact that I couldn´t believe that he, the normally quiet, keeping his thought and feelings to himself Connor, had just poured out his heart to me. But just that he had opened himself to me made me struggle with my tears. He had often told me that he loved me and I had never doubted it, but I had never known what I really meant to him. I had always felt ridiculous compared to him, with my spoiled behaviour, my background and my comparatively easy childhood, my fears and my physical weakness. I had felt like a burden to him that he was enduring. But I hadn´t known that he felt my weaknesses to be my strengths.  
I lowered my gaze and rubbed a hand over my eyes which were filled with tears now. I didn´t know why I was crying because I felt an enormous ease in my heart, now that Connor had cleared up my doubts and I didn´t question his words. He wasn´t an open person, but when he was telling something about himself, he was honest and said what he was thinking and that was making his words even more wonderful.  
When I sobbed quietly, Connor moved closer, wrapped his arms around me and sank back onto the mattress with me. Laying on his side, he pulled me closer and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead before he gently stroked the tears from my cheeks.  
"Why are you crying?", he asked quietly and first I couldn´t do anything but shrug my shoulders.  
"I just doubted myself. I thought that I could never be the woman you need by your side."  
He shook his head. "I love you just the way you are and I could not imagine another or better woman by my side than you are."  
When he said this, my heartbeat quickened on its own and I felt like he had confessed his love to me for the first time. And somehow he had. A warm smile appeared on my lips, before I crossed the last distance between us and kissed him. All my love I felt for Connor was in this kiss and I heard him sighing quietly when he returned it and ran his fingertips through my hair. We both enjoyed this moment of closeness and the small caresses we shared. It felt like a wonderful eternity before I broke the kiss and said smirking: "By the way, I wanted to tell that I don´t think that you´re so bad either. I wouldn´t want to replace you anyway."  
Connor chuckled. "Well, I am relieved to hear that."

* * *

Although Connor had planned to set off to Davenport as soon as possible, I didn´t need to convince him to reconsider these plans. We spent the whole morning in bed, cuddled up close to each other and enjoying our togetherness and I was the one who finally freed herself from the embrace, stood up and got herself ready. Connor had problems with getting up because when he had swung his legs over the edge of the bed and had stood up, he sank back again, groaning quietly and holding his head. For a short moment I thought that he would lose his consciousness but he admitted with gritted teeth that he wasn´t as well as he had thought he was. So we delayed our departure to the next day and I ordered Connor to use this delay and rest. He wasn´t enthusiastic about it, but when I left the room to meet with the other assassins, he lay in bed again and followed my order.

Jamie, Jacob and Dobby were relieved when I told them that Connor was fairly well and I was surprised when Dobby offered me to accompany me a bit through the city. After I had checked on Connor again, also to reassure him about my whereabouts, the assassin and I strolled through New York´s streets and Dobby showed me the places she connected many memories with. We never talked about our dispute or Connor and it felt like we were now really getting to know each other. Dobby was a pleasant company even though we actually hadn´t anything to talk about. We were too different for that, but soon it came to light that we shared a similar sense of humour. So the day passed amazingly quickly and after I had increased our supplies for the journey on a market, Dobby accompanied me back to the tavern. We were quite silent on our way but when we bid farewell to each other, Dobby surprised me with taking me in her arms and saying: "I´m glad that he found somebody like you. He deserves it."  
I smiled gratefully and touched and basically didn´t know what to reply. But I had the feeling that I had made a new friend and smiling happily, I entered the tavern.

I bought two bowls of stew from the innkeeper and with the scarf, I had wrapped my shopping in, hanging on my arm, I balanced the food upstairs and into our room. There was Connor still laying in bed but when he heard me enter, he opened the eyes, sat up and smiled at me.  
"How are you?", I asked while I gave him the stew that he was taking with thanks.  
"Better", he answered. "The rest was helpful."  
"I told you." Grinning widely I sat down onto the edge of the bed with my own food and we ate silently, before I took the empty bowl from Connor and brought the dishes downstairs. Back in the room I slipped out of my upper garments and crawled to Connor under the blanket, where I was pulled into his arms immediately and got a kiss on my forehead.  
"Do you think we can set off tomorrow?", I asked.  
"As early as possible."

* * *

A few hours after dawn, we had left New York behind us and were surrounded by forests and silence. Connor was much better than yesterday and probably it was due to his good fitness that he had recovered from the hit on his head so quickly. Only the wound on his head and its swelling reminded of it. Now we were looking forward to leave the last part of our journey behind us and to come home at last. Of course we also wanted to know the content of the coded message as quickly as possible, but nevertheless we took our time on our journey. Connor let Cobalt walk, we had a break from time to time and like during our journey to New York, we set up a camp in the forests by nightfall and set off at dawn. More than a week passed like this and the summer showed us its best side. The sun shined from a light-blue sky and warmed the air which slowly cooled down only at night. I was relieved that we were underneath the tree´s shadows most of the time because otherwise the journey would have been unbearable. I admired Connor for always wearing his hood and coat even in this weather without starting to sweat really. I probably would have died, but we were both glad when we found a river or a creek somewhere where we could refresh ourselves.

But on the tenth day of our journey, when he had crossed Concord and where only a day´s journey away from Davenport, the weather changed dramatically. Dark clouds gathered in the evening, covering the whole sky and hiding the sun. The wind freshened and when the first rain drops pattered down at us, Connor told me to hold on to him and drove Cobalt into gallop. We were in the middle of a forest and everything seemed to announce a summer thunderstorm which probably had been unpreventable after the heat during the last days. Connor steered the horse determined through the forest towards a rocky plateau and when we came nearer, I was surprised to see the entrance of a cave.  
"We should be safe here", Connor said, dismounted Cobalt and lifted me off the horseback before he led Cobalt into the cave. The entrance and the corridor behind it were high and wide enough for the animal and again I was amazed when we finally stand inside an about six metres wide and four metres high chamber, laying so deep inside the rock that the sounds of the upcoming storm outside were only a muffled rustle. Our steps echoed from the walls and also my voice was followed by a silent echo when I asked: "Did you know about the cave?"  
Connor smirked. "I know every corner of the frontier and you would be amazed, if you knew how many caves exist."

He took off the saddle and the bags from Cobalt and put out a rag to rub it over the animal´s wet fur. The rain had surprised all of us and I squinched up my face when I thought that we couldn´t make a fire to dry us. The same thought came to Connor, after he had patted Cobalt and looked towards the cave´s entrance.  
"We will not find any dry wood and to light wet wood in a cave is not a good idea." He looked at me. "Are you cold?"  
"A bit."  
Connor nodded with my answer, grabbed the sleeping mat and went into a corner of the cave, where he unrolled the mat on the ground and beckoned me over to him.  
"We are sheltered from the wind here. Come and sit. And take off the wet clothes."  
I raised an eyebrow and grinned as I saw how he took off his coat and unbuttoned the wet shirt. "What is that going to be, Master Kenway? First you drag me into a lonely cave in the middle of a forest and then I am supposed to undress myself?"  
He raised his head and shook it grinning. "You will freeze to death, if you are keeping the wet clothes on. Besides, we can warm each other."  
"Oh, so that´s your game." Still grinning I approached him and took off waistcoat and bodice. The latter had barely prevented my shift from becoming wet, too and it really was more comfortable to get rid of the wet clothes. I sat down on the mat next to Connor who lay on his side and offered his arm as a pillow to me as I lay down, too and cuddled up to his broad chest. His fingers played with my wet strands of hair that were even curlier in this state and again I noticed with amusement, how fascinated Connor seemed to be about my hair. But he stopped playing with it as the loud bang of a thunder sounded and made me wince. I hated thunderstorms and Connor knew that.

He leaned his forehead against mine and stroked reassuringly over my back, while I closed my eyes and tried to suppress my fear of the thunderstorm.  
"You know, it somehow reminds me of the storm on Unst, when he hid in this hut", I whispered and a smile appeared on my lips as I also remembered the morning after the storm. "You let me sleep in your arms and stopped keeping back from me. I think for a long time I wasn´t so happy as I was when you kissed me. I always love to remember it...even though the rest of the day was a catastrophe."  
Connor chuckled. "I think we have a knack for letting beautiful moments end in catastrophes."  
"Yes, sometimes", I agreed and squinched up my face when I thought that the last catastrophe was only over a month ago.  
 _But it´s over now._

My fingertips followed the line of Connor´s collar bone but I stopped when he put his hand under my chin, lifted it and kissed me very tenderly. I smirked into the kiss when I felt how his hand stroked over my side and stopped on my bottom.  
"Everything in place?", I asked amused and Connor uttered a confirmative humming. "Is that another tactic to warm up?" Grinning mischievously I slid my hands over his chest, but suddenly Connor´s hand disappeared from my body and he moved away from me.  
"I am sorry. I did not want you to think something wrong", he said and when I frowned in confusion, he added. "You had to endure much in the last weeks. You have almost been raped. I do not want you to think that I brought you here to ravish you."  
Confused I blinked at him, but then I couldn´t suppress a laugh. "Ravish me? Connor, I know that you would never do that." I laughed again but finally smiled mildly. "You know, I think it´s wonderful that you´re thinking of me like that. But if you believe it or not, I almost got over it already. Especially because you´re with me and I don´t have to be afraid of you. I enjoy your closeness and even if you should have the intention to make the most of this situation of isolated togetherness, you can be sure that I wouldn´t mind."  
Connor scrutinized me but finally moved closer to me again and blew a kiss to my lips. "Isolated togetherness?", he smirked and I chuckled again.  
"Oh, please. In the middle of a forest, alone in a cave. I think you cannot ask for more privacy. Cobalt doesn´t count."

I heard Connor chuckle, too before our lips found each other in a kiss that quickly became more passionate. We had been separated for a month and even though we were reunited for two weeks now, it felt like all the longing of the time of our separation would come over us at once. As if we finally wanted to leave all the memories behind us and show that we belonged to each other, despite all the trouble. For a short moment I had felt a small doubt, that I wasn´t entirely ready for Connor´s closeness yet, when he had stroked me so thoughtlessly. But the doubt vanished quickly as Connor´s tender hands and lips awoke this sweet, longing feeling inside of me.  
A quiet moan left my lips when Connor´s hands started a tantalizing game on my still covered breasts, before he let them move lower, opened my skirt and took it off me. With tender caresses he freed me from my boots and stockings and also the shift found its way onto the cave´s ground. I uttered an appalled sound as my heated skin met the cold rock beneath us. But Connor´s hands lay on my hips immediately and lifted me back onto the mat, before he involved me in a kiss again, that we broke only shortly, so that I could help him getting out of his leggings, shoes and pants.

If anybody of us still had a doubt about the place or time of this moment, it had been thrown overboard long since. My torso arched under a loud gasp when I finally felt Connor inside of me and unintentionally I dug my nails into his shoulders when I just stroked over his back. He uttered a sound that sounded almost like a growl and apologetically I pressed my lips on his. I buried my hand in his hair and the other stroked over his spine again, felt the movement of his muscles while he moved and I raised my pelvis to meet his.  
First Connor´s movements were gentle, almost careful, but when we found a mutual rhythm, they increased in intensity and soon we had to part our lips to catch our breaths. Connor began to caress my neck and coaxed another delightful moan out of me. Every touch and every powerful thrust brought me closer to my climax but I bit my lip, hoping naively that I could hold and enjoy these wonderful feelings our togetherness was causing inside of me, just a bit longer.  
"No", Connor whispered to me when he noticed it and gently brushed my lips with his. Our gazes met and when I wrapped my legs around his hips to have him even closer with me, we were both overrun by our feelings. Our moans echoed from the walls before Connor leaned his forehead against mine exhausted and his heavy breath brushed my face. We stayed like this for a moment and enjoyed the sweet echo of our own emotional storm, while the muffled noise of the thunderstorm outside reached our ears.

"Now I´m warm", I said, completely thoughtlessly and my heart skipped a beat as I heard Connor laugh about it. He gently freed himself from my leg´s embrace, lay down next to me and pulled me into his arms. His lips gently stroked my forehead and I closed my eyes, sighing quietly. I already didn´t care about the thunderstorm anymore when I wrapped my arms around Connor and buried my head in his chest. I was filled with a perfect feeling of happiness that was suppressing everything else.  
"Ratonhnhaké:ton?" He paused his caresses when I said his name and his chest trembled with the humming that was asking me to continue. "Konnorónhkhwa."  
Connor chuckled because my tongue still stumbled over the, for European relations complicated, words of his native tongue.  
"Konnorónhkhwa, Lillian", he answered gently and kissed my hair. This moment was perfect and this particular night in the cave was going to remain as something special in both of our memories. Forever.


	18. Chapter 18

_Three chapters in a row. I guess it´s obvious that I have a lot of fun in doing the translation at the moment. ^^  
_

 _ **Reviews** :_

 **Luthlien:** _For me the worst thing about stories where the OC is an assassin, is that it often seems like people think that a woman has to be on the same level as a man, to be a match to him. Of course it is also annoying when the OC is always a damsel in distress, but strength isn´t always about physical strength. You can have "weak" body but a strong mind and sometimes I think that this is more important. I really get mad when I read stories where the writer somehow jokes about the "weak" women of this time, who weren´t able to fight like their OC. I guess they forgot that women in the 18th century weren´t on eye level with men. Unfortunately. The society didn´t know it different and it would have been the women in pants and with weapons, who would have been mocked. So bad as it sounds. I even got reviews where I was told that Lillian was a burden to Connor. That he would despise women like her. Only because she is a woman of this time. Maybe not so demeaned anymore, but I always try to write her like she never really got rid of the old values she grew up with. Because I think that´s more realistic than a woman who can knock out somebody like Connor with just one hit. Which doesn´t mean that I don´t like assassin!OC stories at all...and I don´t know why I'm writing this but it came to my mind when I read your review. Long story short: I´m glad if somebody appreciates my decision to keep my "weak" Lillian ;) Thank you._

 **MohawkWoman:** _Thank you for the beautiful review. :) "She is his world and he is hers". That really made me happy because this sentence would have never come to my mind. But you´re so right. I guess they both changed each others life for the better, so strange it sounds to say this about my own story. But it´s always what I make Lillian think about Connor. Thank you for making me smile. :)_

* * *

 **Reunion**

I was woken by soft lips, tenderly stroking over my forehead, my nose, my cheeks and finally my mouth and when I opened my eyes, my gaze met Connor´s, whose loving smile made my heart skip a beat. Did he know what he was able to cause in me with even the smallest gestures?  
"Did you sleep well?", Connor asked quietly and his fingertips stroked some strands of hair from my face.  
"Like a baby", I smirked but groaned when I raised my head a bit that had rested on Connor´s arm the whole time. The muscles in my neck protested. "Not against your arm, but in the future I would prefer a pillow", I mumbled and chuckling Connor let his hand slide into my nape to knead the tensed muscles with gentle pressure.  
"Is it better?", he asked, but my closed eyes and the contented sound that reminded of a cat´s purr, should be answer enough. It was always a surprise what skilled hands this strong man had. Thanks to his massage the pain in my neck was soon a thing of the past and with a satisfied sigh, I sat up and gave Connor a thankful, long and tender kiss which almost woke the need to stay in this cave a bit longer. But we wanted to come home and so we stood up in silent agreement, got dressed and prepared Cobalt for the continuation of our journey.

The sun had already risen and when we left the cave, I let my gaze roam over the nature´s beauty around us. The grass and bushes were covered with tender water drops that partly caught the sunlight, shining through the thick leafy canopy and sparkled like jewels. Everything appeared greener than before and even the air smelled clear and fresh and was filled with the sounds of the forest. You could barely believe that a thunderstorm had raged over the country only a few hours ago. Everything was peaceful and beautiful. I was almost sad as Connor tore me out of my thoughts, but soon this feeling was replaced by joyful anticipation, after he had lifted me on Cobalt´s back and had leaped into the saddle himself. Unhurried he steered Cobalt through the trees towards the road and I couldn´t stop myself from reaching out my hand from time to time, to stroke over some leaves and twigs in my reach. Smiling I watched the water drops gathering on my skin before running down and dropping to the ground. I felt incredibly good and no matter if it was because of this beautiful morning, the even more beautiful night or the chance of being home soon: I enjoyed this feeling and felt that Connor was feeling the same, when I tightened the grip of my arms around his waist and leaned my head against his back. He put a hand on mine and stroked them gently with his fingertips, before he just held them for a while.

We rode through the forest for a few hours and around midday, I believed to recognize some parts of our environment and my heart skipped a beat. Even the air seemed to change, too. With the scent of grass, moss and wood, mingled another scent. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, smiling happily. "The sea", I whispered and when I opened my eyes again, I saw that Connor had turned his head into my direction, a smile on his lips.  
"We are home."  
It really didn´t take long until we rode around a last bend in the road and my gaze fell onto the first houses of the homestead. I saw some people on the paths, heard these familiar noises, telling me that life was flourishing here and I even believed to smell the scent of freshly baked bread coming from the inn nearby.  
"Home", I whispered and couldn´t stop some tears from running over my cheeks. How I had missed all of this.

When we followed the main path, we were already detected by some settlers who gave us wide smiles and greeted us with big hello. It was lovely to be welcomed like this but there was one voice sounding above all others. Maria ran towards us from the tailors shop and when Connor stopped Cobalt, I jumped off the horseback and ran towards my friend, before we fell into each other´s arms.  
"Oh Lord, you´re back", Maria uttered and I heard her sob at my shoulder. She clung to me so tightly, as if she believed I could disappear again if she didn´t. But I was also happy to hold her in my arms again. Even though we weren´t friends for a long time yet, she was one of the most important people for me. Like a sister I never had. Carefully I stroked over her back and when we pulled away from each other, I gave her a warm smile.  
"I´m also glad to be back again."  
Maria nodded and ran her hand over her eyes before she scrutinized me. According to Connor, the strain I had endured weren´t visible anymore. Even the wounds on wrists and ankles were completely healed and right now I was glad about it. But Maria´s gaze was worried nevertheless and when she looked into my eyes, I could see the question in them. She feared the same as Connor.  
"Nothing happened to me", I said quietly and she understood. She closed her eyes shortly and uttered a sigh of relief, before she looked at me again and smiled.  
"Unfortunately I have to do some things but when it´s fine with you, I would come by later. Or do you want to rest?"  
I shook my head. "I´m looking forward to it."  
Maria beamed and hugged me again before we bid farewell to each other.

When I turned around to Connor, he had dismounted Cobalt by now and let his gaze roam through the homestead. Surely he had wanted to leave Maria and me alone because after she had also greeted him shortly and had gone on, he looked at me and without more words, we went on towards the manor. My excited anticipation grew with every metre and my thoughts were with Caleb immediately. Was he there? How was he?  
Connor and I headed directly to the stables and already from the distance, I could hear Caleb´s voice. "Sit, girl. That´s a good girl. And now lie down."  
I smirked. "Is he teaching Cherry some tricks?", I asked amused and almost had to laugh with the imagination of the Shetland Pony sitting on its round backside.  
"To be honest...", Connor started, but whatever he wanted to say: It became unnecessary. I heard Caleb´s voice again.  
"Noir! Stay here!", he called out and then I saw his blonde haired head, jumping up and down. But my attention turned to something else too quickly. A black monster with a hanging pink tongue stormed into our direction and before I could react, I was torn from my feet. The air was pressed out of my lungs with a snorting sound when I fell onto my back, not able to utter a scared scream anymore. Something rough and wet, which I soon identified as said pink tongue, ran across my face and I couldn´t do anything else but to press my lips together and to writhe back and forth, but the black monster pressed me down with its whole weight so that I couldn´t sit up. But before I could try to push it away from me, Connor´s strict voice sounded next to me and it let me be.

"What the...?", I uttered and reached out an arm to let Connor help me standing up. Not until now I could look at what had attacked me. It was a huge, shaggy black dog, sitting with a hanging tongue on its hind legs, its tail lashing excitedly back and forth on the ground. It was looking at me with big brown eyes, cocking its head as if butter wouldn´t melt in its mouth. I just wanted to get rid of my anger about this attack, as the next followed suit. This time it was a blonde boy who stormed towards me and literally jumped into my arms.  
"You´re finally back!", he called out and my earlier shock vanished into thin air. Gently I pulled Caleb closer to me and stroked through his tousled hair. He raised his eyes and beamed at me, but then his gaze became guilty.  
"I´m so sorry that they got you. I should have protected you."  
I suppressed a sigh. If I wouldn´t know it better, I would think that Caleb and Connor were related to each other. Even though the boy´s eyes were blue, I had the feeling that they copied Connor´s guilty gaze in Philadelphia perfectly.  
"You did nothing wrong", I said and stroked over his cheek. "You had to get help and you did. What happened isn´t anybody fault but the men´s."  
Caleb looked confused for a moment but then the smile returned to his face again. Luckily he was easier to reassure than Connor.

Caleb pulled away from our embrace and I used the chance to run my sleeves over my face because it felt horribly wet after the dog´s licking attack.  
"Now one of you can explain me what this is about." I nodded at the dog whose tail began to wave even faster than before. Caleb stepped next to the animal with a wide grin and I raised an eyebrow when I notice that the dog´s head almost reached his shoulders.  
"That´s Noir", he announced. "She strayed after Connor a few weeks ago and we kept her."  
"Oh, you did?" My gaze slid to Connor who was glancing at me from the side and shrugged his shoulders.  
"She followed me from Boston. Why should I have chased her away? After all what happened, it is probably not bad to have a watchdog. She is very smart and has a gentle nature."  
"And she obeys each order!", Caleb added proudly and I looked the dog over sceptically, who was scrutinizing me herself.  
"It just looked different", I mumbled.  
"It seems like she likes you."  
As if Noir wanted to emphasize Connor´s words and to make up for her first impression, she stood up and came to me, her head down and her tail waving. Her shoulders reached to my hips and I was sure that she could place her front paws on Connor´s shoulders, if she wanted to. I had seen dogs like her in London where many Lords owned the so called wolfhounds as status symbols and some of them even used them as hunting dogs. Normally such a huge animal was scaring me, but I had to admit that Noir´s gaze was able to make my heart melt. Hesitantly I reached out my hand and stroked over the big head and Noir seemed to enjoy it. When I raised my eyes, I found myself in front of two expectant pairs of eyes and I knew that they were expecting my decision about the dog´s whereabouts.  
"When she comes inside the house, she has to stay away from the furniture. She will eat from the floor, not from the table and I especially don´t want to see her in one of the beds", I said and Caleb´s smile became even wider. The corners of Connor´s mouth twitched, too and smirking I looked back at our newest family member.  
 _An unusual small horse in the stable and an unusual tall dog in the house. I´m not wondering about anything anymore._

"Caleb, would you please go down to the bay and ask Mr. Faulkner to come here?"  
The boy gave Connor a surprised gaze but then nodded eagerly. He uttered a short whistle and ran down the path to the bay where the Aquila was docked, Noir by his side.  
"Do you really think that Faulkner is able to decode the message?", I asked Connor while he led Cobalt into his box and freed him from saddle and snaffle.  
"I hope so. Otherwise we have to find somebody who can and right now I do not know anybody else but him."  
I nodded slowly. Although I had often seen that the templars sent partly encoded letters to each other, I didn´t know anything about it. I neither knew somebody who did. At least not in America. So we had to hope that the first mate of the Aquila was able to bring some light in the darkness.

After Connor had put away Cobalt´s tack, we went to the house together and when we entered it, I stopped on the threshold for a moment and let my gaze roam through the hallway. Slowly I walked through every room of the basement and remembered painfully, how I had done it in the night of the attack and had seen the devastation the bandits had left behind. But nothing reminded of it anymore, except of the missing chairs in the dining room and the thinned out shelf of dishes in the kitchen. Everything was clean, tidy and terribly familiar.  
"Maria took care of everything in your absence", Connor said, who had followed me the whole time and now was leaning in the doorframe of the kitchen, while I had a look at the room.  
"And she did it well", I whispered before a forced smile appeared on my lips. "But it´s more difficult to lift a feather than replace me in the household."  
Connor chuckled and I heard him approaching me, before his strong arms wrapped around my waist and he kissed my temple.  
"But nobody can really replace you", he murmured and I raised a hand to put it to his cheek.  
"Say it again when I have washed the dog´s salvia from my face."  
I grinned widely and freed myself from his embrace to go to the bucket of water on the worktop. I dipped my hands in the pleasantly cold fluid and splashed water into my face until I didn´t feel like a licked bone anymore. I grabbed a towel and dried my face, when the backdoor opened and Mr. Faulkner stood in the kitchen shortly afterwards. He smiled as he saw me, stepped to me and pulled me into a firm embrace which was so surprising to me, that it choked me for a moment.  
"It´s nice to see that you´re still in one piece, lass", he said and I smirked as he patted my cheek.

"But why the hell are you keeping me away from my well deserved nap, Captain?", the old sailor asked and turned around to Connor who silently indicated to him, that he should follow him. He led Faulkner and me to the study where he pushed some papers on the desk aside, pulled the encoded letter out of his coat and unfolded it on the tabletop.  
"Are you able to do something with it?", he asked Faulkner, who sat down at the table, frowning and taking the letter to study it.  
"Encoded", he mumbled and I could see that Connor rolled his eyes.  
"Can you decode it?", he asked a bit impatient but Faulkner took his time with the answer. He turned the letter in his hands, read the lines several times and finally shrugged his shoulders.  
"I´ve already seen many codes, but right now I don´t know anything about this one. But I´m sure that the old man had some scriptures about encoding techniques. Maybe they could help me."  
Connor uttered a sigh and ran his hand through his hair. "There are about hundreds of books and scrolls in this house. It will take an eternity to look through them."  
"Then we should start as soon as possible", I suggested and earned hopeless gazes from the two men.

* * *

Luckily it didn´t take as long as Connor had feared until we had searched the house for the right scriptures. The three of us split up and looked through all books and scriptures Connor´s master had collected. When Maria joined us sometime, she helped us, so that it was late afternoon as Connor and Faulkner withdrew into the study with four old scrolls and a big book and the first mate started to encode the letter. At least he tried his best.  
Maria and I withdrew into kitchen in the meantime, where I brew tea and cut the cherry cake Maria had brought to me with Corrine´s best wishes. After I had supplied the men with tea and cake, I sat together with my friend and we spent the time with talking. We spoke no word about the attack and my kidnapping and I was glad that Maria didn´t ask me about it. So we talked about apparently trivial topics. About the dresses she was sewing at the moment, about what we could do in this beautiful weather apart from our work someday, about news in the homestead and I even learned something about the trader´s journeyman from Boston, about whom I only knew that Maria really seemed to like him. She told me, almost in passing, that they had met in the town once and that he had promised to visit her sometime. She talked about it as if it was nothing special but the faint blushing of her cheeks told something else. But I stayed silent and hid my knowing smile behind my cup of tea.

When Caleb entered the kitchen with Noir, we stopped our conversations and I also sliced a piece of cake for him that he ate with shining eyes. Noir lay down next to the fireplace in the meantime and I was really pleasantly surprised by her good behaviour.  
"Besides, I have to work on the wood again", Caleb mumbled with his mouth full and when I slapped on his head lightly, he rolled his eyes and swallowed the bite demonstratively.  
"Which wood?", I asked him and he looked at me frowning.  
"The one I gave you on your wedding day. With our names on it. Noir´s has to be on it, too."  
I smirked. "If you´re bringing more animals home, the wood will be full soon. You don't have put Aldah and Cobalt on it yet."  
Caleb paused while chewing and cocked his head thoughtfully. "Didn´t thought of them." He shrugged his shoulders. "But there will be some space for them, too."  
"And what about the names of the six children?", Maria asked and a mischievous grin flitted across her face while Caleb, as well as I, looked at her in confusion. Maria laughed.  
"Well, the names of Connor´s and Lillian´s children. They need some space, too."  
I almost choked on my tea I just had in my mouth and swallowed it convulsively, before I started to cough. Maria burst into laughter but Caleb just knitted his eyebrows and looked at her, as if she had lost her mind.  
"Where are they supposed to have space here? I have my own room, Connor and Lillian have one and the other rooms are taken. There is no space for six children."

I patted my chest, still coughing and pointed at the bucket. "Caleb, would you be so kind and get some water from the well, so that I can do the dishes later?"  
The boy was still looking at the giggling Maria but he nodded slowly, stood up and disappeared outside with an empty bucket.  
"Why are you talking about such a topic in front of him?", I asked Maria, as soon as he was gone and my friend wiped some tears from her cheek.  
"Oh, please. As if he doesn´t know that it´s possible. I saw him over the last weeks. He feels like a little prince here. He should get used to the thought that he eventually couldn´t be the only child in this house anymore."  
"We never really thought about it yet", I mumbled and pushed some crumbs of cake back and forth on my plate with my fingertips. But even from the corners of my eyes I could see Marias amused gaze.  
"As if anybody of you two would be against starting a family." She had a sip from her tea and turned the cup between her hands. She wasn´t so wrong. At least Connor had mentioned to me once that he had already thought about having a family in the past. He neither would ask me about my thoughts about it on his own accord. But he didn´t have to.

"Six?"  
Maria's grin widened with my question and I had to smirk, too.  
"At least." She rested her elbows on the tabletop and pretended to sink into her daydreams. "Four boys and two little girls. But maybe three and three. Just imagine it! What beautiful kids they would be. Connor´s complexion, his dark hair. But all of them have your grey eyes and the girls have your curls."  
"And the boys are born tomahawk-swinging?"  
"Exactly. Or with little bows and quivers on their backs."  
"And hoods on their heads."  
We looked at each other and burst into laughter. The tea in my cup almost splashed over before I could put it onto the table safely. Probably we didn´t know ourselves why we were laughing but the imagination of miniature versions of Connor, with little assassin robes and tomahawks in their tiny hands was just so cute. And cute wasn´t a word that suited to Connor himself.

Said man entered the kitchen right in this moment and just fuelled our uncontrolled laughter. Maria and I were almost bubbling over with laughter while Connor stood a bit confused in the doorframe and surely asked himself, what Corrine had put into the cake exactly.  
"Are you alright?", he asked slowly and I wiped some tears from my eyes.  
"Everything´s fine", I uttered giggling but when Maria paused in her laughter for a moment, scrutinized Connor playfully and finally said: "They are going to be really gorgeous little rascals", I had to put a hand in front of my mouth to stop myself from laughing again. Connor expression finally slipped away and confused he looked back and forth between us.  
"Maria, I think we should end this conversation", I said when I had reasonably calmed down and my friend grinned widely.  
"But there will be a time when you remember my words. When I have to sew little coats with hoods at the latest."  
"Yeah, right", I laughed and pushed Maria to the door giggling, where Caleb just returned with the water and obviously was also confused about our good mood. Maria and I hugged each other in front of the door and I was still grinning when I closed the door and wanted to go back to the kitchen. But the grin faded when I saw Connor standing in the hallway with a serious expression. Was he offended because we had laughed? Did he think that we had laughed about him?

"We just fooled around. It wasn´t about you", I said and smirked, thinking that it had been slightly about him. Connor cocked his head shortly, as if he didn´t understand my words, but then he shook it.  
"It is not about it", he said and indicated to me, that I should follow him to the study. I forgot every amusement in an instant when I remembered that Connor and Mr. Faulkner had taken care of more serious matters while Maria and I had fooled around. The old sailor was still sitting at the desk, the encoded letter in his hands. Connor and he had taken everything off the table and had spread the books and scrolls on it, but no one of them looked like they had been successful.  
"Did you do it?", I asked anyway. But Faulkner shook his head, gritting his teeth.  
"I fear the code is more complicated than we thought. I can´t decode it."  
"So we have nothing again?", I asked and felt my heart sink. We wouldn´t find any trace to the gang.  
"I fear so."

An embarrassed silence spread and sighing I sank onto a padded chair in a corner of the room.  
"And now?"  
"We will have to wait, if something happens in the near future. Maybe the bandits spring into action again and we will get a new trace. But maybe we can learn something before", Connor said calmly and he really seemed to be convinced of his words. And so was I.  
We thanked Faulkner for his help and after I had accompanied him to the door, I made the dishes in the kitchen while Connor tied up the study and brought the scriptures back to their usual places. The evening was already falling over the homestead and the light-blue sky began to darken. I came home just today but the joy about it suddenly seemed so far away in face of the damper we had got, thanks to the letter. I had been so sure that it was going to help us, but I had been wrong.

Sad I cleaned the kitchen and went back to the study where Connor sat at the table, his head propped on one hand, looking at the encoded letter in his other.  
"Do you think it will tell you its secrets if you just stare at it long enough?", I asked and Connor squinched up his face without raising his eyes.  
"I was so sure", he murmured and when I stepped to him, I gently stroked the hairline in his nape with my fingertips.  
"We will find another trace", I repeated his earlier words but this time they didn´t seem to convince him. Connor sighed and put the letter back on the table.  
"I hope so", he said and leaned back in the chair, while my gaze was stuck to the encoded letter.  
Until now I had never really seen it and neither I had further looked at it. At least I didn´t know much about codes. But when I now looked at the letter, something about it seemed to be terribly familiar all of the sudden. As if I had already seen it some years ago. I pushed Connor´s arm aside, that had rested on his knees, sat on his lap wordlessly and grabbed the letter, holding it into the light of the oil lamp on the table.  
"A chaos of numbers and letters, as you can see", Connor mumbled and thoughtlessly stroked over my back, but I didn´t even notice it. My thoughts were entirely busy with the message. I knew this code.  
Hastily I bent forward and searched the desk for something to write with. After finding it, I dipped the stylograph into an inkpot and began to decode the message I had laid next to the empty piece of paper, quickly but concentrated. Connor bent a bit forward and looked over my shoulder but didn´t say a word. It didn´t take long until I put the stylograph aside with shaky hands and for the first time, I skimmed through what I had just written.

 _New moon in August._  
 _New Port Mill in the presence of all captains._  
 _R.J._

"New moon", Connor mumbled. "It is in about two weeks. With the best conditions, we will need more than a week to reach New Port." He took the paper out of my hand and propped his chin on my shoulder while his eyes flitted over my writing. "If there is a meeting of their leaders, we have to go there and we have to set off soon, if we want to be there in time."  
He put the letter aside again and turned me so that I sat sideway on his lap and he could look at me. "Why did you know how to decode the message?"  
I bit my lower lip with the question and my gaze moved to the signature which had been the only thing that hadn´t been encoded.  
"Because I've thought it up", I said hoarsely.


	19. Chapter 19

_**Reviews:**_

 **MohawkWoman:** _Thank you for your kind words. ^^ I had to laugh myself when I wrote the part with the little assassin-babies. The imagination is just so adorable. And of course Connor is cute, but I think he won´t like it to be called like that. ;P At least he´s a man and only puppies and kittens are cute. :D But we won´t tell him. ;D_ **  
**

* * *

 **Shadows of the past**

"You thought a code up that was neither known by Mr. Faulkner, nor by Achilles and which we could not decode?"  
Normally Connor´s sceptical undertone would have made me react offended but I didn´t feel like it. I was too busy with suppressing all my arising feelings and memories that would run me totally off course, if I didn´t. I turned both writings so that I didn´t have to stare at them the whole time and turned my gaze to my hands instead which I was kneading uneasily.  
"Not alone. Furthermore it is actually very easy if you have understood it once", I said quietly and Connor stroked some strands of hair behind my ear which had fallen between us like a curtain and had covered my face.  
"What do you mean with 'not alone`? ", he asked and my lip made acquaintance with my teeth again before I answered hesitantly.

"About three years before I was born, my father had an extramarital affair with one of our housemaids. She got pregnant and gave birth to a boy, but my father never acknowledged him as his son. He didn´t want anybody to learn about his adultery to safe his reputation. My mother knew about it, but she didn´t say anything either. I can´t say why, but the boy and his mother were allowed to stay, maybe because my father didn´t want to pay them off and risk that they told anyone."  
I paused and when I looked into Connor´s face, I saw the disapproval in his gaze. I understood that he wasn´t able to relate to my father´s behaviour but I was glad that he didn´t say anything about it.  
"Even after my birth they were allowed to stay but my mother and my governess always took care of keeping me away from my father´s..."bastard". They never told me that he was my half-brother, but when I was five years old, he told me. I didn´t find it awful because I didn´t understand what my father had done back then. I was just happy to have someone I could call brother. But Ray, that was his name, told me that it was a secret and that the adult shouldn´t know that I knew about our blood relationship. I also knew that I actually wasn´t allowed to talk to him, but the attraction of what is forbidden is always tempting for a child, I guess." I smiled weakly.  
"After my birth, my mother didn´t got pregnant again and so I never had siblings. Ray and I were the only children in the house and that was why I wanted to spend time with him whenever it was possible. We somehow managed it to meet, for example when it was already time to sleep and to communicate with each other, we wrote messages and hid them in particular places in the house."  
"And you encoded them?", Connor asked and I nodded.  
"Ray was very clever. He thought up so many things and together we thought our own code up. Nobody but us was able to read the messages because when an adult found them, they were nothing more but incoherent numbers and letters. We´ve never been caught."  
My heart constricted painfully when I thought of this time. I had loved Ray like a brother and he had been my brother. For me it had never made a difference that we hadn´t the same mother. Neither when I had become older and had begun to understand what it had meant to him to be an illegitimate child. Even today I was thinking of him like a loving little sister. I had admired him and had enjoyed the time we had spent together. We had roamed through the garden of the house at night, had hid somewhere in the bushes and between the flowerbeds and had spent hours with telling stories to each other. Although Ray had often been the one telling them. I would have never wanted to go without him and he had always said that we had stick together as siblings. But all of that was years ago and I had already accepted that Ray wasn´t a part of my life anymore. To be reminded of him so suddenly was painful. As well as Connor´s next question.  
"What happened to him?"  
"After my parent´s death our complete household was dissolved and the employees were dismissed. I came to my grandparents and Ray stayed with his mother in London. My grandparents lived a two days journey away. We couldn´t stay in contact and nobody of us could visit the other. We hadn´t seen each other for two years, when I came back to London and to Richard. But he kept me away from everything and so I met Ray only occasionally and more by chance. When he was sixteen, he obligated himself as a soldier and we hadn´t any contact all the more. I just met his mother from time to time because she worked for a family I knew and she told me when she heard something from Ray. Nine years ago, I saw him for the last time." I breathed in shakily and suppressed the tears that were rising into my eyes, because I remembered this day too well.  
"His mother told me that he would return to the city only once and we met him on a cemetery, because I only got rid of my governess, when I told her that I wanted to visit my parent´s grave. Ray was supposed to go to America. To fight against the patriots for the Recoats and he looked forward to it. He was a soldier with all his heart and it was an honour for him to represent his native country. Furthermore he was optimistic that the war wouldn´t last long. He said that he would be back soon and that neither his mother nor I should be worried about him. Family sticks together after all." I shook my head with a painful expression. "Four years later it was said that he died during the siege of Savannah. Was torn into pieces by a cannonball. He´s dead and now I see that somebody is suddenly using our code. Ray would be shocked if he knew what for."

Connor stayed silent and his gaze was thoughtful as he looked at both writings while I shakily struggled with the feeling of grief inside of me. I had lost many people who had meant a lot to me but I had eventually begun to suppress the grief because I had thought that I would feel less lonely, when Richard was keeping me away from everything and everyone. A terrible mistake because basically you could never forget the ones you loved. Even though I had rarely seen Ray before his death, I missed him. He was my brother after all. That was why I didn´t believe that he had something to do with the letter. Even though Connor seemed to doubt that.  
"Are you sure that he died back then?", he asked and grabbed the encoded letter. "It is a strange coincidence that the emblem of your family appears first and now even a code you and your half-brother used. Then the signature: "R.J." Ray Jarvis?"  
I shook my head vigorously and tore the letter out of Connor´s hand to turn it again and to bang it onto the tabletop.  
"They said that he died and we never heard something from him since then. Maybe Ray showed the code to somebody who is using it now. He never wanted to be an official part of our family and his surname was never Jarvis. My father never acknowledged him. Furthermore Ray would never allow that innocent people get harmed. He was good-hearted. Whoever is behind this, it is not Ray. Ray is dead."

Connor looked at me frowning and I just wanted to wipe this expression off his face. I just didn´t want to hear what he had to say. I didn´t want to hear his doubts that could make me doubt, too.  
"He was a soldier", Connor started slowly, as if he wanted to make sure that every single word reached me. "During war there is not the time to identify the bodies without doubt. You cannot anyway, if the injuries do not allow it. I was on a battlefield often enough to know that. Many men died during the siege but maybe Ray was able to flee."  
"But he would have..."  
Connor raised a hand and interrupted my objection. "War changes men, Lillian. No matter how well you think you know your half-brother, you did not have any contact to him for a long time. Who knows what happened to him? He could be somebody else by now. Maybe you are right and somebody else is behind the code and the seal. But I doubt such coincidences."  
"But right now you can´t do nothing else but to conjecture", I said irritated.  
"I have never claimed anything else. We will have to find out what is behind all this, but until then you should get used to the idea that you could not like what we will find out."  
Connor´s voice was objective, calm and also his expression didn´t show any emotions. He took everything as calculated as always and even though I would like to do it: I couldn´t say anything against it. We had to find out who had written the letter and had used my family´s seal. But I still doubted that it had been my brother.  
When I didn´t say anything, Connor put his hands to my hips and made me stand up from his lap so that he could rose himself. He grabbed the decoded letter and went to the door.  
"I will talk to Mr. Faulkner about the journey to Newport", he told me on his way and had disappeared shortly afterwards.

* * *

Two days later I was standing on the pier and watched the sailors make the last preparations of the Aquila to set sail towards Newport. They worked quickly but concentrated because they couldn´t waste any time, if they wanted to reach their destination before new moon. In the last days I had completely withdrawn when Connor had planned this journey and I had listened to conversations between him and Mr. Faulkner. Because Connor had got into the habit of calling the writer of the encoded letter, of whom he thought that he was the gang´s leader, "Jarvis". I almost had the feeling that he didn´t notice it himself. He always told me that he would find out who "R.J." was but basically he seemed to be sure already, that it could only be my brother and I made no secret of my doubts about it. Evidence, no matter how incriminating, were no proofs for me.

We never talked openly about our dispute because it wouldn´t be of any use anyway. We both were stubborn in our believes and nobody of us would give them up. So when we talked to each other, it was quite monosyllabic and never about the upcoming journey. The question about the writer of the message lingered like a shadow between us and I wanted to change it. But I thought that I had to admit then, that Connor was right and I didn´t want that. So I couldn´t do anything else but to expect what Connor was going to find out in Newport. I would have wanted to sail with them, but Connor had rejected it point-blank and probably it was better like that. But the prospect of staying at home alone for four weeks or more, wasn´t to my liking. Because Connor had decided to take Caleb with him and the boy had been enthusiastic about it immediately. Also now, when the last preparations were made, he really bustled over pier and deck and helped wherever he could. He had already learned a lot about sailing on the crossing from England to America and it was noticeable that he enjoyed it. I had mixed feelings about it.

When I heard steps on the landing stage behind me, I didn´t need to guess who was approaching me. Connor appeared next to me a few moments later, as well as a panting Noir who sat onto her hind legs beside me and let me tickle her ears. Connor was already wearing his uniform, had tucked his tricorn under his arm and watched, like me, the hustle and bustle on the Aquila for a moment. We didn´t say a word and this silence quickly became unpleasant to me.  
"I still don´t like it that you are taking him with you", I said, looking at Caleb who was just jumping down the plank to the ship.  
"I know", was Connor´s short response. "But it will do him good to see something else than the homestead."  
I frowned but kept an answer to myself. Caleb approached us with a wide grin and tousled through Noirs short fur, when he reached us, before he gave Connor an expectant look.  
"Can we set sail?", he asked excited and the assassin nodded silently. Caleb clapped his hands happily and just wanted to storm back to the Aquila, as he obviously noticed, that I was standing here, too.  
"Bye, Lillian", he said and hugged me, more or less half-hearted. Before he could turn away again, I grabbed him by his arm and raised my index finger.  
"You will do, what you´re told. No matter if the order comes from Connor, Mr. Faulkner or one of the crewmembers. Is this understood?"  
Caleb rolled his eyes about my motherly ambitions, but at least he nodded. I stroked over his blonde hair shortly, before I let him go and he ran back to the ship.  
"Please take care that he won´t do anything stupid", I said while I followed Caleb with my eyes. This boy was a whirlwind, never able to stand still. It was often difficult to control him although he was very lovable. But he couldn´t allow himself to do something stupid on a ship and I hoped that this journey could change something about his restless behaviour.  
"He will not." Connor put the tricorn on his head and for the first time, since he had stepped next to me, he looked at me. "Everything will be fine", he said and I wasn´t sure if he was talking about Caleb or the mission. No matter what it was, I hoped that he was right.  
"Be careful", I said quietly and grabbed Connor´s hand. Silently he looked down at our hands, before he nodded and squeezed mine gently.  
"Do not worry."  
He looked at me again, before he let my hand go and went to the Aquila. I watched him climb the plank, been greeted by his crew and go to his place behind the ship´s wheel. His orders echoed through the bay and shortly afterwards, the Aquila had set sail and sailed towards the open sea. I followed her with my eyes, sad and not sure what I was more worried about. Connor´s and Caleb´s wellbeing or what Connor could find out?

* * *

 **Three weeks later**

A warm breeze blew irregularly into my face and got me out of my fitful sleep. Mumbling I opened my eyes and screamed quietly when I looked directly into a hairy face with a wide open mouth. In a jerk I crawled away from the edge of the bed and only slowly this imagine reached my mind.  
"Damn it, Noir", I growled at the dog who sat panting in front of the bed and was looking at me innocently with her brown eyes. "I´m going to die of shock sometime."  
Noir whimpered quietly, as if she wanted to apologize and propped her head on the edge of the bed. Smirking I reached out a hand and tickled her ear which she enjoyed noticeably. I was glad that she was here and had moved her sleeping-place from the stable into the bedroom next to the bed. The silence in this house made me sick and I didn´t feel entirely alone when she was here. I missed Connor and Caleb and would have never thought that I could miss the morning rumbling of the latter anyway. But when everything went fine, they were going to be back in about two weeks and then I could stop brooding all the time. Because in the long run, it didn´t upset only my mind but also my stomach.  
When I sat up, I was seized by a sudden feeling of nausea that was actually accompanying me for days, maybe even weeks now and only from time to time. Together with occasional tricks my circulation was playing on me. Maria had often told me to go to Doctor White, but I found it unnecessary. Because as sudden as these short feelings of faintness started, as quickly they were over again and I was content with the advices my friend was giving to me. To drink much and in case of doubt, to pay attention to my diet and I went quite good with it until now.

"Damn it", I murmured nevertheless, while I pulled my knees to my body and propped my head on them, waiting for the nausea to subside reasonably. Not until it became more bearable, I stood up slowly, got dressed and went downstairs into the kitchen, together with Noir. I gave her some rests of meat I had taken with me from the inn yesterday evening and put on some water for a tea. I took an apple out of the storage and while I chewed it lost in thoughts, I looked outside through the window of the kitchen. It was end of August and over the last days, summer had obviously decided to unleash its whole strength for one last time. The sun had burned mercilessly from the blue sky and had heated the air so that the whole homestead had been glad about its closeness to the sea and the surrounding forest. The air coming from the sea was reasonably fresh, the trees were providing shade and so it was fairly bearable to be outside. But a general lethargy had spread over Davenport nevertheless and everybody was only doing the most necessary work. It looked like this day was also going to be sunny and hot, why I already deleted some plans, regarding the housework, from my imaginary list.

A knock on the entrance door tore me out of my thoughts and after I had put the boiling water off the fire, I went to the door and opened it. There stood Maria, looking at me concerned in an instant.  
"You are looking like death itself."  
I squinched up my face and pointed at the hallway. "I wish you a good morning, too, Maria. Do you want to come in?", I teased and went back into the kitchen, without waiting for an answer. Maria followed me.  
"Stop joking, Lillian", she said, almost severely and really put her hands on her hips, when I turned to her. "You are deathly pale. Don´t tell me that you´re still feeling sick and dizzy."  
"Only sick", I mumbled brew my herbal tea demonstratively and made one for Maria, too. She sat down at the table, frowning and scrutinizing me. She almost looked like she was really expecting that I would drop down dead. I sighed.  
"I am fine, Maria. Really! I´m just racking my brains over what is happening to Connor right now and I think that it is upsetting my stomach. Furthermore I can´t take this terrible heat."  
Maria nodded slowly. "I told you that you´re planning too much for a day. Only that you mucked out the stable yesterday was nearly suicide. One day you will fall over in this weather. Are you drinking enough?"  
I rolled my eyes but couldn´t hold back a grin. "Yes, mother. I´m very conscientious and careful."  
Maria looked at me still frowning but finally her lips curled into a smirk, too.  
"Sometimes I´m really wondering who of us is the oldest", she murmured and we both laughed. Maria really was more sensible than me in many ways and had likewise many advices ready. She was honest and didn´t shrink from telling her opinion and that was often a great help. We sat together for a while, talked, drank tea and ate something. Since the Aquila´s departure, Maria had visited me almost every morning because she knew how lonely I felt in this empty house and I was grateful for her company.

When it knocked on the door again and I opened it shortly afterwards, a stranger was standing in front of me, a letter in his hand. He took the tricorn off his head and indicated a bow.  
"Good morning, Ma'am", he said politely. "I have a message from Samuel Adams for Master Kenway."  
Frowning I looked at the letter in his hand. I asked myself what Adams could want from Connor when he was sending a messenger. But I thought of what it could be.  
"He´s currently not here but he will get the message as soon as he returns", I said smiling but to my surprise, the messenger shook his head.  
"I´m sorry, Ma'am. I was specifically told that I am supposed to give the letter to Master Kenway in person."  
Tensely I pressed my lips together. So whatever Sam wanted to tell Connor, I wasn´t allowed to see it. But why?  
"I think Mr. Adams won´t mind, if I´m taking the letter in my husband´s place. We are also good friends", I said slightly annoyed and the messenger really seemed to be insecure for a moment so that I quickly put on a friendly smile again. "It would be a pity, if you had made the long way from Boston for nothing. I promise: My husband is going to receive the message as soon as he returns."  
The messenger weighted the letter in his hand and finally gave me a crooked smile.  
"Well...probably he will get the message sooner when I leave it here, than when I come back again sometime."  
My smile widened. "Exactly."  
The man nodded and finally gave me the letter before he indicated a bow again and bid farewell. I stayed polite, too until I could slam the door shut and make a few steps into the hallway. While walking I broke the waxen seal and unfolded the letter. I totally ignored Maria´s indignant expression.  
"The letter is for Connor, Lillian", she said but I waved aside, already skimming the message.

 _Connor,_

 _Like I promised, I asked around in Philadelphia, but unfortunately I was not able to learn something more about the gang and its future plans. But after my return, I also made enquiries in Boston and actually could find out something._  
 _It seems like they set up a camp in an old fort on the outskirts of the city and officially passed themselves off as mercenaries. One of my men paid them a visit, pretending to search for some men as security. He was introduced to their leader, who introduced himself as Raymond Jarvis. An unpleasant man with a uncouth behaviour and an obvious penchant for outbursts of violence and rage. He seemed to notice that his person opposite had come to the fort with wrong intentions and let him be thrown out._  
 _If you should intend to attend to this Jarvis, you should be very careful with it. But I am sure that I do not have to tell you this, my friend._  
 _But I could not fail to recognized this gentleman´s surname as the one Lillian told me, when we talked about her family. Hoping that this Raymond is not relate to her family, I will leave this information only to you for now, knowing that you know well how to use it._  
 _If you should want to visit this Jarvis, turn to our old friend Stephane. He will accompany you to the fort and will surely stand by your side, if necessary._

 _I remain with my best greetings to you and your wife._

 _Samuel Adams_

I lowered the letter with trembling hands and had the sudden feeling that my nausea as well as my dizziness came back at once. I went to the staircase with shaky legs and sat down on a step. Maria hurried to me immediately, grabbed my hands and looked at me full of concern.  
"What is it, Lillian? Did something happen?"  
I just gave her the letter she read frowning before she finally looked at me again.  
"Is that him? Your half-brother?", she asked and I shrugged my shoulders. Of course I had told her about Ray and also about Connor´s guess that he was behind the gang´s doings. But even after this letter I wasn´t entirely sure that he was right.  
"It is the right name. But his surname was never Jarvis and he surely was no man who had a tendency to outbursts of rage and violence. Whoever Adams is describing, it is not my brother."  
I propped my arm on my knees, bedded my head in my hand and put the other on my belly, waiting for the nausea to subside again. Maria stood silently in front of me and I felt her gaze on me but didn´t dare to look at her. Was she going to doubt my words like Connor would do?  
"Well, I think we can´t do anything else but to wait for Connor´s return", Maria said finally with a quiet voice. "I´m sure he will take care of it immediately and then you will be certain."  
She laid a hand on my shoulder but pulled it back again when I started to shake my head vigorously.  
"No, it takes too long", I uttered between clenched teeth. "I can´t wait so long."  
"But there is nothing else you can do." The calm tone in Maria´s voice almost drove me crazy. "You can hardly ride to Boston on your own to take...this man to task."  
Maria wanted to reassure me of course, because after all she knew how bad I felt with this uncertainty. I also knew that she was basically right with her words but it seemed like my reason was missing at the moment.

Maria started back when I leaped up to my feet, turned on my heels and stumped upstairs.  
"What are you up to now?", I heard her call out but I had already slammed the door to the bedroom shut and had opened the wardrobe. I had a shirt, trousers, a waistcoat, boots and a tricorn in one of the lower shelves. I had got them from the British assassin Janet Pierce, who had gave them to me so that I had been able to sneak on the Aquila and sail with them to Unst, against Connor´s wish. They had done me a good turn but I actually never had felt the wish to wear them again. Until today.  
Hastily I slipped out of my jacket, my bodice and the skirt and replaced them with the other clothes. They still fitted, even though I noticed with displeasure that the trousers had become a bit tight around the waist. Although I had thought that life in the homestead had made me become anything else but lazy. But I didn´t care right now.

I had barely got changed and had tied my hair to a braid, when I already stormed downstairs again, past the surprised Maria and to the stable.  
"Could you tell me what you´re planning to do right now?", she asked me angrily while I began to saddle Adlah.  
"I will ride to Boston and have a look at everything myself", I answered shortly and when I looked at my friend, I saw that her eyes were almost bulging out.  
"You´re totally insane!", she called out. "First of all, you´re not feeling well and second of all you shouldn´t go to Boston alone! Especially not to such criminals. Do I have to remind you what happened a few weeks ago?"  
Of course she hadn´t. I knew that she was actually right but I didn´t care. I just had to know if this guy, Adams had described, was my brother. I couldn´t sit here two more weeks, twiddle my thumbs and wait for Connor to take care of it. For once I didn´t care about reason or even fear and it seemed like it slowly became clear to Maria, too.  
"How do you want to defend yourself?", she asked hysterically. "What do you want to do, if you´re standing in front of armed criminals? Without any weapons."  
I was just tightening the last strap on Aldah´s saddle and paused in my movement, when she said this.  
"You´re right", I murmured and I heard Maria giving a sigh of relief.  
"See? So you can unsaddle Aldah and...Lillian? Lillian!"

I had already pushed myself past her and ran back to the house. I stormed through the hallway, opened the hidden door to the cellar and jumped down the staircase, taking several steps at once. Arrived in the back of the cellar, I stood in front of Connor´s armoury, frowning and chewing my lip.  
"What am I fairly able to handle?", I murmured and actually knew that the answer was "Nothing", but I ignored it frankly. Without further ado I took a rapier, a dagger and a belt that was laying here, too. It looked quite worn, probably why it was gathering dust here. But maybe it could be of use for me. I put it on but swore quietly when it was too large for me, of course. But I managed it to bore another hole into the rough leather with the dagger and so it was no problem to put the belt on. After I had attached the dagger and the rapier on it, I ran upstairs again and when I returned to the stable, it seemed like Maria had finally decided that I had lost my mind.  
"He is going to kill you! Connor is going to kill you, when he learns about this!"  
"He doesn´t have to", I growled, led Aldah out of his box and leaped into the saddle. How the hell were you supposed to sit comfortably with a rapier on your hip? Mumbling quietly to myself, I adjusted the weapon and finally put the tricorn on my head, not without hiding my braid underneath it. Obviously Maria was entirely speechless now.  
"I´m back soon", I told her with a determined voice and didn´t even wait for an answer. I shoved my heels into Aldah´s flanks and we trotted towards the homestead´s border.


	20. Chapter 20

_**Reviews:**_

 **MohawkWoman:** _Don´t know what you´re talking about. Test kits? What for? ;) No, but unfortunately Lillian is very impulsive. She doesn´t think and knows no sense when she made a decision once. As you can see in this chapter, I think._

 **Luthlien:** _For her it is not about her "weakness". If she wants to prove something, then that she is right about her brother. For her it would be unbearable to stay at home and wait for Connor so that he finds out what´s going on. There are two possible explanations for everything and both have terrible consequences for her. First: She is right and somebody is using her brother´s name and her family´s emblem. But that would mean that this person is dragging their memory - her parent´s, her family´s and her brother´s - through the mud. Or Connor is right and her brother is still alive but isn´t the same person anymore._

 **tina:** _Thank you, I´m glad to read that you´re enjoying this story so much. :) But I don´t understand what you mean. Who is pregnant? Never heard of something like that. ;P_

* * *

 **Shadowy encounters**

"That was a great idea, Lillian", I muttered to myself and repeatedly pushed a maize leaf out of my vision. Until now I was sitting in this field for two hours and wasn´t sure anymore, what I was planning to do anyway. During the hours it had taken to ride to Boston, I had racked my brains about it and had even doubted my own mind for a moment. I had set off rashly, without thinking and I was actually sure that I had ridden straight into my doom. But neither I had wanted to turn back because I finally wanted to get rid of this uncertainty. Hoping that I was going to feel better afterwards, mentally and physically.

When I had reached Boston, I´d had basically three opportunities. First, I could have gone to Adams and could have asked him for help. But I would have risked that Connor learned about my solo attempt. Second, I could have searched this Stephane, Adams had mentioned in his letter for Connor. But I had nothing more but his name and so it had been unlikely from the start that I could find him. So I had only the third and last opportunity: To comb all forts in the city and to find out where the bandits were hiding. I had done that and it had been anything but easy. All three forts were on different ends of Boston and because the first two were occupied by military, only the last was left as the potential hideout and when I had reached it, it had been late afternoon already.  
The fort was on the very outskirts of the city, in an agricultural district. It was surrounded by maize fields and I had hid in one of them after I had tied Aldah to a tree, a bit distant from here. The sun wasn´t as strong as before but still it was unpleasantly warm. Sweat was running over my face and into my nape, but I didn´t take off my tricorn. In the contrary. I had pulled it deeper into my face while I didn´t turn my eyes from the fort´s main gate and waited, not knowing what for. Since I was sitting here, I had seen several men enter and leave the fort, but nothing informative had happened. The only movement I noticed came from the three guards, patrolling on the footbridges behind the wooden palisade. I hoped that something was going to happen. That maybe somebody came by, who gave me a clue to the man who was passing himself off as my brother. But the longer I was sitting here, the more hopeless I became. Furthermore I began to lose my patience. How did Connor, or an assassin at all, manage it to hide somewhere for so long without getting mad? Apart from the fact that even an assassin must have human needs he had to follow sometime. Or were they broken of that habit? Maybe I should ask Connor about it...or better not. Maybe I would learn things I had never wanted to know so exactly. I wrinkled my nose, shaking my head and forcing myself to concentrate on the fort again. But nothing had happened yet.

 _Maybe I should go back_ , I was just thinking, as riders approached the fort. Three men, at least I suspected that the person on the middle was a man. He was of strong stature but was wearing a wide cape with a hood, pulled deeply into his face so that I couldn´t see it at all. Shouts sounded inside the fort and I could clearly hear how they announced the arrival of the "boss". My heart began to race. So the head of the gang was here and I was sure that it was the one with the cape. But still I had to find out who he was. The fort´s gate opened, the riders passed it and disappeared as the gate closed behind them again. Now I had seen the supposed leader but I didn´t know what I needed to know. But how should I get into the fort? Could I risk waiting for if and when he was going to come out again? I swore quietly. No. I could not. I had to find a way inside. Whatever the cost.  
So I partly rose from my sitting position and walked a bit further into the field, carefully placing one foot in front of the other. I tried to touch the surrounding plants as little as possible and not to move them with that, but I couldn´t prevent an occasional rustling. But I hoped that it wasn´t audible or visible from the fort.

When I had almost crossed the field, I squatted down again and glanced through the plants to the fort. Now the main gate was left from me and from my position, I could see a part of the narrow side entrance that was open. But there were also two guards and furthermore there were no hiding places close to the fort, except of some stacked wooden crates. But the path to the fort itself was entirely open. If I would leave my hideout now, they would see me in an instant. I swore, because once again I hadn´t a plan. Connor would probably kill the guards somehow from the distance or would storm the fort directly. Both opportunities were impossible for me. But what should I do?

Thoughtful and frowning I stared at the fort. While doing so, I didn´t notice that I wasn´t alone in the field anymore. Too late I heard the treacherous rustling behind me, as an arm was already wrapped around my neck and a hand was covering my mouth.  
"One wrong move and you´re dead", growled a male voice with a French accent into my ear. I froze, not able to put up resistance that would probably be unsuccessful anyway.  
"Take off his weapons", I heard the voice say and shortly afterwards, a young man with brown hair appeared in my vision. He faltered as he looked at me.  
"That´s a woman."  
The grip around my neck loosened a bit and I felt, how the man behind me hesitated.  
" _Pour sûr?_ Are you sure?", he asked and the other man rolled his eyes.  
"I definitely have seen a woman once", he mocked but then began to take dagger and rapier from me anyway. "She doesn´t have more", he said then and regarded the dagger with knitted eyebrows, before he swore quietly. "Let her go, Stephane. She´s one of us."  
He turned the dagger´s pommel towards the man behind me and even I was surprised as I recognized the symbol of the assassins on it. Great. So I´d really had a closer on the weapons before snaffling them. Now I was mistakenly presumed to be an assassin...but maybe...it wasn´t so bad. At least they seemed to be assassins themselves.

The guy with the French accent let me go and so I had the chance to jump a bit away from him and turn to him. So I saw that there was a third man and my heart sank for a moment. The three of them were strong, armed and were looking at me partly distrustfully, partly curiously. I would have no chance, if they decided to harm me. But probably it was my luck that they thought I was an assassin. It would only become a problem, if they found out how I was related to Connor because he would certainly learn about this. So I had to keep them in thinking that I was really one of them and this decision was tested soon.  
"Who are you, where are you from and what are you doing here?", asked the one with the French accent, Stephane, if I wasn´t mistaken. Was he the Stephane Adams had mentioned? However. I had to think about an answer if I didn´t want to reveal my real identity to them.  
"My name is...Janet Pierce", I answered without further ado and hoped that the real Janet Pierce was too far away to be known by one of them. But there wasn´t a reaction and so I kept talking.  
"I´m from London and I´m...looking for someone."  
"For whom?", asked the man who had stayed in the background until now. I hesitated but jutted my chin and answered, maybe a bit sharply: "I can´t tell you."  
Stephane raised an eyebrow. "If you´re on a mission for the brotherhood, why didn´t we know about your arrival? We could have helped you."  
"Furthermore you´re very sparsely equipped for being an assassin", added the young man with my...Connor´s weapons. Distrust sounded in his voice and I gulped. I had to take care that they didn´t expose me as the liar I was. They were Connor´s friends and it wouldn´t be amiss to tell them the truth. But then they would bring me home immediately and Connor would learn about my solo attempt. That mustn´t happen because I had to get into this fort.  
"I´m not here on behalf of the brotherhood. Rather because of private reasons", I answered and strangely enough it wasn´t even a lie. "I had some issues during the crossing and that´s why I only got these weapons left."

The men kept scrutinizing me distrustfully but I had to pull myself together to hold back a sigh of relief, when the man behind Stephane nodded slowly.  
"And the person you are looking for is in there?" He nodded at the fort.  
"I´m sure of it", I answered. "He just arrived."  
The three assassins exchanged a look before the one who had taken the weapons from me, turned to me again. "So you´re looking for Raymond Jarvis?"  
I hesitated but nodded.  
"We are also looking for him, or rather our grandmaster." Stephane´s expression hardened as he looked at the fort. " _Le bâtard_ is leader of a gang of criminals who are terrorizing the settlements around here. Until now we couldn´t do anything against them, but now that we know where their leader is, you could change that."  
"Do you want to...kill him?", I asked and couldn´t stop my voice from sounding a bit hoarse. But they didn´t seem to notice it. A grim smile appeared on Stephane´s face.  
"Oh, that would be...but no. We hope to get answers from him. Our grandmaster shall decide what happens to him in the end."  
And how would Connor decide? Until now I hadn´t thought about it yet, but now it was scaring me. Would he want the leader´s death? I could barely imagine it, but if he did and if Ray was the leader...what should I do then?  
 _Don´t think about it! Nothing is certain yet_ , I appealed to my conscience and concentrated on the three assassins again, who were scrutinizing me.  
"Do you intend to kill him?", the one with the weapons asked me and I shook my head immediately.  
"I also need information. Nothing more."

A short silence, in which the three men looked at each other. It was as if they were communicating silently, until Stephane nodded and pointed at his comrades.  
"By the way, these are Clipper Wilkinson" He pointed at the man with Connor´s weapons. "And Duncan Little. I propose, if we have similar aims, we should work together."  
Work together? I gulped. Jesus, I wasn´t an assassin. How was I supposed to "work"? But now I had already passed myself off as one of them and maybe it wouldn´t be so bad to have some active support...  
I nodded and put on a smile. "It would be an honour."

* * *

We had stayed on our lookout in the field and had talked about our strategy until the darkness had fallen. I had let the men talk and had said yes to everything because I really couldn´t contribute tactical knowledge, which stayed unnoticed luckily. For me it was only important to get inside the fort and when it was finally dark, I was well on the way to do it.  
We had split up. Clipper, who was an excellent sniper, had withdrawn on a tree with his rifle, was supposed to keep an eye on the guards on the palisade and kill them, if it was necessary. Stephane was going to cause a disturbance at the main gate and Duncan and I would enter the fort over the side entrance in the meantime. The men were entirely sure about their plan and so I tried to appear as relaxed as possible and to act, as if I had entered a guarded fort many times before and as if I wasn´t afraid of armed resistance.

Clipper had returned the dagger and the rapier to me by now and now I was cowering next to Duncan in a thicket, not far from the side entrance. We could see the two guards, who were lingering against the wooden stakes of the palisade, totally relaxed and obviously not expecting that their peace was going to end soon.  
"When Stephane gives the signal, I will take care of the right one. You´re taking the left", Duncan whispered and I blinked at him dumbfounded.  
"Er...what shall I do?"  
Duncan raised an eyebrow and looked at me as if he expected me to be joking. "Well, eliminate him so that he can´t reveal our presence", he said slowly.  
 _Of course. What else?_ I laughed nervously. "Yes...of course. Just a joke."  
Hastily I looked back at the side entrance. Damn it, I couldn´t kill anyone. Criminal or not, I just couldn´t. But what had I expected? If I was passing myself off as an assassin, I was expected to act like one. But I didn´t want to kill people anyway and so I had to think of something quickly, but I barely had the opportunity. Riot broke out in the fort and shouts sounded. Stephane had obviously started his part of the plan. The guards at the side entrance turned towards the fort´s inside and that was reason enough for Duncan to give me a light push and leave the hideout. I quickly followed his example.

In the faint twilight of the moon we hurried to the entrance, split up on half the way and searched for cover in the shadow of the high palisade. The guards were only two steps away from me and my heart was in my mouth. Jesus, I really wasn´t made for this. But when I saw how Duncan pulled out his dagger and sneaked to the man on the right, I also pulled out my blade but turned it in my hand and while I heard how Duncan thrust the steel into the guard´s nape, I was striking the dagger´s pommel against the temple of the other with all my strength. I was lucky. The man collapsed backwards and into my arms with a quiet groan. I groaned under the sudden weight and my knees had almost given in. But I managed it to pull the man through the gate and to lean him against the palisade from outside. Duncan did the same but it was a dead body he was removing.  
"Are you alright?", he asked me and I nodded, glad that he hadn´t noticed that I had let the man live. "Then off we go."

Together we entered the fort, but always stayed in the shadows, aside the lights of the scattered oil lamps. Duncan´s steps where calm and precise while I was expecting a surprising attack behind every corner and that was why I was following the assassin more or less tensely. But it seemed like there were not as many men in this fort as I had expected. Duncan and I were in the back of the fort, where they stored ammunition, barrels and other things. Nobody was to be seen because it seemed like all guards had gathered by the main gate from where I could hear Stephane´s voice.  
"Who of you is the _fils de pute_ who has screwed my wife and got her pregnant, eh?", he played the drunk. "I swear: Whoever it was, I will cut off his _burettes_ and stuff them into his mouth!"  
A loud bang sounded as Stephane threw something over the palisade.  
"He takes the distraction very seriously", I murmured, half amused, half distraught.  
Duncan smirked. "Stephane is a rioter. You shouldn´t spoil things with him. But he´s doing it well. These idiots prefer to watch his racket. We should use the chance and go to the house."  
I followed his gaze to the long wooden house, which was the only building in the fort, apart from some small sheds. If the leader was somewhere, it must be there. He hadn´t left the fort after all and I doubted that he was keeping the company of his men. But it was also possible that there were more guards inside the house.

Duncan and I were thinking about this possibility, as we sneaked from cover to cover towards the house. We had a look at our environment occasionally, but didn´t take our time. Some of the guards had already gone outside to Stephane to accompany him out of the area and he certainly wasn´t able to play the distraction for too long. So I was more or less relieved as we hid behind some crates beside the house, the door only a few metres away.  
"I can´t see anything through the windows", Duncan murmured. "We have to go inside and expect resistance anytime. Do you have your weapons ready?"  
I nodded. They question was, if I was ready. But of course Duncan wasn´t worrying about that. He thought that I was a trained killer after all...if only he knew...  
"Good, then let´s go inside." Before I knew it, Duncan had stepped to the door, had opened it and had pushed himself through the opening, a broad knife firmly in his hand. I had pulled out my dagger, too but hoped that I didn´t need it. But the entrance area was empty as I had entered behind Duncan and had closed the door. The about five metres long hallway was just sparsely illuminated, the doors to the adjoining rooms on both sides were closed. No sound was to hear, neither on the upper floor, the narrow wooden staircase to it laying completely in shadow.

Duncan gave me a signal, meaning something like: "You to the right, I to the left", before he went into said direction and I stood alone by the door with a fluttering heartbeat. I wanted to go with him so badly and yes: I would have loved to cling to his doublet and had wailingly begged him not to leave me alone. But my cover would have been down the drain then. Not to forget my pride I had somewhere inside of me.  
 _If you´re passing yourself off as Janet Pierce, be Janet Pierce._  
In a pathetic wave of courage, I straightened my shoulders, grabbed the handle of the dagger tighter and also put a hand to the rapier´s pommel while I slowly went to the first door on the right side and opened it a bit. The room behind it was empty. No men, no furniture. There was nothing else but some scruffy mattresses, rests of food on the floor and full chamber pots which were exuding a pungent smell. It seemed like this was the dormitory of the guards and once more I asked myself, how people were able to live in such holes. Even worse than animals, without any sense of cleanliness. Disgusted I squinched up my face, closed the door again and went on.

There was also nothing of interest in the other rooms. The whole basement was only sparsely furnished, although I had expected that the bandits had created themselves a comfortable camp here, where they stored all their plunder. But either they weren´t staying here for long yet, or they didn´t plan to stay. But this was only the basement. When Duncan and I met in the hallway, one gaze was enough communication and we went upstairs.  
There were only four rooms. Two on each side and the assassin and I split up once again. The first room I entered was empty. Like I had almost expected it. But when I opened the second door, I stopped for a moment and looked at the room with a fluttering heartbeat. There was a broad bed, a desk, shelves with books and rolled-up documents and a comfortable-looking armchair in front of a cold fireplace. Only the moon was illuminating the room with its cold light and I needed a moment to get used to the darkness, after all the other rooms had been illuminated. Long shadows were lingering in the room but I couldn´t see anything suspicious so that I stepped in hesitantly. I couldn´t say why, but something was telling me that I had just come closer to my answers. I crossed the room slowly and approached the desk with several documents on it. I lifted some of them, held them into the moonlight and tried to read them. Several notes, about plans and courses of the attacks. But none of the documents was telling something about the man who was behind all this. But a small part of me believed to recognize the handwriting they were written in. But this part was drown out by the aversion to identify Ray as the leader of all this.

"There must be something", I murmured and searched, now a bit hectically, the desk. I stopped, when my hand brushed a document. I felt something cold and wet on my hand and when I held it into the moonlight, I saw the reason. Ink. The ink on the paper was still wet. Did it mean that it had just been written? I gulped and suddenly had the urgent need to storm out of this room, this house and this fort and to leave everything far behind me. I could feel the hairs in my nape stand on end because at the same time, I was seized by another feeling.  
The feeling that I wasn´t alone.  
I ordered the documents I had moved somehow, with nervous hands and went to the door with quick steps. But it swung shut all of the sudden and fell into the lock with a muffled bang. My heart almost stopped and I almost screamed when a shadow pulled away from the wall behind the door and approached me. I stumbled backwards, raised the dagger towards the shadow which came closer and closer, not impressed by it. I could only see the outlines of a wide cape and human legs and feet, but nothing more. My thoughts were racing through my head. I weighed up my ways to escape. Tried to judge if I could manage it to fight my way to the door with dagger and rapier. But I also thought of calling for Duncan, but my throat felt like I couldn´t make a sound. Maybe I would be dead before Duncan could help me.

So I kept stumbling backwards, but my ways to escape were run out as my backside bumped against the desk and I almost fell. I kept the dagger up with shaky hands and the shadow stopped luckily. It felt like an eternity while we were just standing in front of each other, but suddenly the figure leaped forward. Before I could react, it had twisted my hand that was holding the dagger. I screamed when my wrist uttered a disgusting snap and the weapon fell to the floor. The figure pulled me closer, turned with me, so that the moon shined into my face and pulled the tricorn off my head. I believed to hear a gasp and a voice underneath the hood, mumbling a name while tears were blurring my vision. My wrist hurt terribly and was still in the firm grip of the stranger.

I could hear his stertorous breathing but also steps on the hallway and a voice that was quietly calling Janet´s name. Then the door was pushed open and I didn´t need to see him to know that Duncan had come in.  
"Let her go", he growled and I almost expected the stranger to mock him for that. But he didn´t. He really let my hand go, turned me around and pushed me to Duncan who caught me luckily before I could fall to the floor.  
"Leave!", said the shadow whose voice barely sounded human. "Leave now and nobody will harm you."  
Duncan growled something, but when he felt that I began to tremble convulsively, he obviously came to the decision to follow this order. He put one of my arms over his shoulders and quickly accompanied me downstairs. I heard the stranger following us. But even though he was in the light of the lamps now, I didn´t turn around to look at him. I just concentrate on not letting the nausea and pain in my hand gain the upper hand.

The bandits were already standing on the courtyard as we left the house and seemed to be surprised when we came out just like that. Obviously they really hadn´t noticed anything. But when they pulled out their weapons, the stranger barked at them that they should let us go. Duncan swore because obviously he would have preferred a fight. But he certainly knew that I wasn´t in the condition for it. So he led me to the side entrance of the fort, followed by some men who wanted to make sure that we were really leaving. They stayed behind by the gate while we hurried to the maize field where we wanted to meet the others. Duncan lifted me on his arms on half the way and began to run while I kept my injured wrist in a firm grip with clenched teeth. Not until the fort was far behind us and we had surrounded half of the field, Duncan put me on my feet again and Clipper and Stephane came out of their hideouts.  
"What happened?", asked Stephane and Clipper was by my side in an instant to have a look at my wrist.  
"We were in the main building", Duncan started to tell growling. "We found nothing but Janet was surprised by this Jarvis in the last room. I heard her scream and when I came in, he was just seizing her and pushed her to me. He said we should leave and took care that his men let us go."  
"He let you go?" Stephane's voice was almost overflowing with disbelief but I barely had a word for it. I uttered a scream of pain as Clipper squeezed my wrist and I felt how the nausea increased to an urge to gag.  
"It´s probably broken", Clipper murmured. "We should bring you away from here and treat it in peace. Are you able to ride?"  
I nodded with clenched teeth and even though I wasn´t sure, if I would really be able to ride.

But Clipper helped me onto Aldah´s back shortly afterwards and we rode back to the city. The ride was agony because every little shake sent a wave of pain through my body and not only once I was on the brink of vomiting. This temporary agony ended only when we reached a closed tavern and after Clipper had helped me down, the men led me into the building Stephane had unlocked before. He disappeared in a back room and returned with two wooden sticks and bandages.  
"We´re no doctors, but if your hand is broken, it probably would be better if we immobilize it for now. You can go to a doctor tomorrow. Tonight there will be none who would come here."  
I just nodded with an agonized expression and endured it without complaint, as Clipper put the sticks to my hand and wrapped the bandage tightly around it. It didn´t help against the pain but it made it more bearable because unintentional movements were impossible now. But the pain was my smallest concern at the moment anyway. I neither thought about how I wanted to explain a broken hand at home. I neither thought of the lost dagger and tricorn. My thoughts were with the stranger and the name he had murmured and of which I didn´t know, if I had really heard it or if my mind had played a trick on me.  
 _Lilly._


	21. Chapter 21

**Inconsistent feelings**

I spent a sleepless night in one of the rooms in Stephane´s tavern. My hand hurt like hell but also my racing thoughts didn´t help me to fall asleep. By now I was sure that the stranger had called me "Lilly", like Ray had used to do it. So it had to be him because I didn´t believe in coincidences anymore. Why else had he let us go? But even if it was Ray: "What had happened to him? Why was he doing all of this? Why accepted he that his men were attacking innocent people and why had he never showed a sign of life anymore? Questions after questions I couldn´t answer on my own. I didn´t even know if I should be glad that my brother was still alive. Basically I felt nothing. No grief or anger that Connor´s words had been true, but I neither felt joy. Only an incredible emptiness.  
But what now? Now I had the certainty I had been looking for but I didn´t feel better with it. How should I deal with this knowledge? Ray´s men had done terrible things on behalf of him. He had sullied my family´s name. He had to be called to account for it, but did I really want that? Did I want that he was punished without knowing his reasons? Did I want that something happened to him?

I swore quietly and ran my healthy hand through my hair. These thoughts didn´t bring me a step further. In the contrary. I was running in circles. Furthermore Ray wasn´t my only problem at the moment. Especially Stephane had asked me some unpleasant questions. He was wondering why Ray had let me and Duncan go and because I had talked about private matters, he seemed to fear that I could stand in the way of the assassin´s plans. That I was endangering them and maybe he wasn´t wrong about that. But I also had the feeling that he started to doubt my identity and I really didn´t need that. If he learned who I was, Connor would learn about all this and I didn´t knew yet, if and how I should tell him about what I did and what I had learned.

 _I should leave before Stephane asks further questions_ , I thought and stood up. I gathered my things and left the room quietly. The house was totally silent and as quiet as possible I went downstairs into the dining area and noticed with relief that the entrance door wasn´t locked. No matter if Stephane had forgot it or not, it was my luck. Hastily I slipped outside into the cold night and went to Aldah, who was tied behind the house. It was difficult to saddle him with one hand but I managed it and sat in the saddle shortly afterwards, carefully to move my hand as little as possible. When I steered Aldah to the road, I was seized by my bad conscience. The assassins had helped me and I should have thanked them instead of disappearing without saying a word. But I couldn´t risk that they became distrustful and kept on asking unpleasant questions. So the escape was the only thing I had left. But my conscience was still nagging at me as I had already left Boston behind me.

I reached Davenport in the morning and was so exhausted that I almost collapsed when I dismounted Aldah in front of the stable. My legs were trembling, my head was spinning and my stomach contracted with nausea. I clung to the saddle, searching for support and winced as I heard Maria´s voice behind me, coming from the house.  
"Where the hell have you been?", she asked and became pale as she saw in what kind of condition I was. "What happened?"  
She hurried to me and put the hands to my shoulders. Her gaze slid to my injured right hand. "Did somebody attack you?"  
I shook my head. "Fell off the horse", I mumbled. I couldn´t tell her about Ray. I couldn´t tell anybody until I knew how to deal with the knowledge about him.  
"The doctor has to have a look at it", Maria murmured and pushed me aside, before she started to quickly unsaddle Aldah. Only when she had put everything away, she wrapped an arm around me and led me to the house where she pushed me onto the bench in the kitchen.  
"I will go and get Dr. White and you will stay here and don´t move. Understood?"  
I just nodded and gained another worried gaze, before Maria disappeared.

It didn´t take long until she returned with the doctor who sat down in front of me and of course asked me, how I had been injured. I told him that Aldah had baulked on the way to Boston all of the sudden and that I had fallen off his back and had landed on my hand. The doctor instantly believed that a doctor had applied the bandage and called this "colleague" a terrible bumbler who had probably risk that I lost my hand. I was sure that he was exaggerating about it, but when he unwrapped the bandage, I had to gulp. My hand was not only black and blue but were swollen, as well as my hand and it had little similarity to a human body part. Luckily Clipper had taken off my ring before he had applied the bandage, because now I wouldn´t have got rid of it.  
I had to suppress a quiet scream of pain, as White palpated my hand and his expression darkened.  
"However you fell, I have to set the bone or it will never heal correctly." He looked at Maria. "Give her something she can bite on. A towel or something."  
Maria, who probably was paler than me, nodded slowly and gave me a rolled-up towel which I pushed between my teeth, before I gave the doctor a frightened gaze. I was already terrified of what he intended to do and I desperately hoped that he knew what he was doing.  
But the doctor looked at me reassuringly, before he grabbed my injured wrist and asked: "Ready?"  
I just wanted to nod, as he already proceeded to action. I felt how bone scratched against bone, heard a quiet cracking noise and even the towel in my mouth could barely muffle the scream I uttered. The pain ran through my whole arm and tears blurred my vision. I would have slapped Dr. White, but it was good that I didn´t feel able to do so at all.

I took the towel out of my mouth and watched with clenched teeth, how White, with Maria´s help, put two slim wooden plates to my wrists as a splint and fixed them with a bandage made of stiff linen.  
"You are not allowed to strain your wrist at all", he explained to me. "It has to be kept still because otherwise the bone could probably not heal correctly."  
"Will it do so, if I keep the hand still?"  
"We have to wait and see." The doctor tied another bandage to a loop and put it around my neck before he laid my splinted hand into it. "Even if everything heals well, you have to expect that your wrist probably is only restrictedly moveable. But like I said, we have to wait and see. Go easy on yourself and take care that the splint and the bandage are always tight enough. If you should feel worse, come to me. Alright?"  
"I will take care of her", Maria promised before I could say something and Dr. White smiled.  
"I´m relieved to hear that."

We thanked him and bid farewell and after Maria had accompanied him to the door, she sat down at the table in front of me.  
"What happened in Boston? Did you find your half-brother?", she asked and I didn´t dare to look into her eyes when I shook my head. I didn´t want to lie to her, but I thought that it was better at the moment.  
"I went to a doctor first, after the accident and then returned home", I murmured and tugged at the loop. When I raised my eyes to look at Maria, she appeared relieved and I talked myself into thinking that it couldn´t be so bad that I had lied to her. Why should she rack her brains over my problems?  
"So Connor can take care of it, when he returns", she said and I nodded slowly. I hadn´t thought about it yet. What if Connor really rode to Boston and to the fort? What would happen if he met Ray there? A sigh escaped my lips unintentionally, which put Maria on the alert immediately.  
"You need to rest", she ordered with a strict voice and before I realised it, she helped me out of my clothes and took care that I ended up in the bed, pleasantly wrapped.  
"You rest and I will take care of everything", she said, while she tugged at the blanket. I gave her a thankful smile, before my eyes already closed from exhaustion.

Maria spent the following time with me in the house, helped wherever she could and even spent the nights in Caleb´s room. She watched over me like a mother over her child and paid careful attention that I didn´t strain my injured hand. We didn´t spoke about my solo attempt anymore, after I had made Maria promise that she didn´t tell Connor about it and left this part to me. Although I was a bit afraid of it somehow.

* * *

 **Three weeks later**

"What a damn..." I let the laces of my skirt go with an annoyed groan and put my head back. Over the last weeks I had tried to develop own techniques to do some things only with one hand. The broken wrist didn´t hurt anymore, or rather not so badly, but it was still splinted and I had to pay attention to move it as little as possible. By now I got along well with one hand but it was just impossible to lace my bodice and the skirt if I didn´t want to use my injured hand somehow.  
"Maria!", I lamented towards the open door to the bedroom and shortly afterwards my grinning friend was standing in front of me.  
"You know, sometimes you remind me of an infant", she joked while she stepped behind me and tightened the skirt´s laces.  
"I want to see you...", I mumbled offended and glanced into the mirror. "This ´you´re not allowed to do this and that` annoys me and it´s ruining my figure."  
Maria smirked. "Now you´re exaggerating. You have to go easy on yourself and it´s not ruining your figure. You´re still slender."  
"Yes, but my waist is gone. Just look at it." I pinched my own side. "There used to be shape in it. Now there is...nothing anymore. When Connor comes home, he will surely ask where his wife and who this fat lady is."  
My friend sighed and helped me into my waistcoat. "You became pretty oversensitive, Lillian", she said. "You´re not fat. Well, maybe you don´t have a wasp waist anymore, but you don´t have any fat on the ribs. Wait for the next weeks, then you´re hand will be healed and you can work again and then your waist is surely going to come back on its own."  
"I hope so", I mumbled and glanced grimly into the mirror once again. Well, I was really a bit exaggerating, because I really was still slender and petite as always. Only my waist had disappeared and when I considered that I had forced myself into a corset for all these years, so that I could come up with a slim waist, it was a bit frustrating. I was vain and I hated it not to have the control over my appearance. But for now I had nothing else left but to wait until my wrist had healed. Until then I had to be satisfied with watching Maria doing my work and that was frustrating as well. I wasn´t in a good mood at all. I hated it to be doomed to idleness, I hated it to think about my brother, I hated it that I had lied to my friend, I hated it that Connor and Caleb hadn´t returned yet and I hated it that all of this bad mood was still upsetting my stomach. I had almost got used to it that I began to feel sick or even dizzy from time to time, but I had stopped talking about it. Maria was worried enough about me and probably would have dragged me to Dr. White immediately. I wanted to spare her, the doctor and me that.

After Maria had braided my hair, we went downstairs into the kitchen where she had already prepared the breakfast. But when I just wanted to sit down, Noir´s loud barking sounded from outside. The dog sounded very excited and so I hurried with getting to the door and with going outside. But when I just opened the door and wanted to step outside, I froze and stared at the black dog who was jumping around two homecomers.  
Caleb, tanned and with a wide grin on his face, tousled through Noir´s fur while Connor looked at me as I stopped on the threshold. A smile appeared on his face but vanished as quickly as it had appeared when he saw the obvious loop around my neck, where my injured arm was resting in. He approached me with large steps and asked on his way "What happened?", before he stopped in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders with a worried expression.  
"I was for a ride with Aldah and fell off", I answered without hesitation because I had often uttered this lie by now. Connor frowned.  
"How could that happen?"  
"He baulked."  
"Aldah never baulks. He is not fearful."  
"But this time he baulked. How do I know what´s going on in a horse´s head?"  
Connor raised an eyebrow about my irritated tone and I couldn´t hold it against him. But I was glad that Caleb just came to us and greeted me joyfully. He also asked me what had happened but he accepted the lie without further ado.  
"Is there something to eat? I´m hungry", he squealed and I pointed at the house.  
"Maria is in the kitchen and has prepared breakfast. Go to her."  
He did it in an instant while Connor still stood in front of me with knitted eyebrows and I was exposed to his scrutinizing gaze.  
"Are you well?", he asked me and I really had to force myself to smile.  
"Of course. I´m fine, except of the hand. I...missed you. You were away for long."  
Connor nodded and squinched up his face as he obviously thought of something that wasn´t pleasing him. "We were there in time at new moon, but this meeting was not as I had expected it. Everything was...delayed after that."  
"In what way was the meeting not as you expected it?"  
Connor took a deep breath and his gaze shortly slid to a spot somewhere over my head and my heart sank. I had a bad feeling all of the sudden.  
"Let us talk about it in peace. Better when Caleb and Maria are not here", he said and when I nodded hesitantly, he turned me around and pushed me gently through the door inside.

Maria and Caleb sat at the table in the kitchen and the boy was shovelling the corn mash, Maria had cooked, into his mouth. She raised her eyes as Connor and I entered the kitchen and greeted the assassin with a smile.  
"I have tried to do my best to take care of Lillian. But I think you know how difficult it can be. She didn´t stay entirely unharmed", she said smirking and I raised an eyebrow as a warning. Until now I hadn´t told Connor about the reason for my ride and for now I wanted that it stayed like this. First I wanted to hear what he had learned in Newport before I decided if I confessed my trip to him.  
"It is alright, Maria", Connor said with a faint smile on his lips. "I am sure you were a great help to her."  
"It was a matter of course." Maria stood up and tousled Caleb´s hair. "Now the little one is back and can help her."  
Caleb mumbled protestant but Maria had already turned away.  
"I think I will go and leave you alone. I´m sure you have much to talk about." She looked at me more or less meaningfully before she hugged me and bid farewell.

Caleb had eaten up by now, cleared his bowl away and announced that he wanted to take care of Cherry now. So Connor and I were sooner alone than we had expected it and it seemed like he wanted to use it in an instant. Carefully, as if he was afraid that he could break it, too, he grabbed my healthy hand and led me to the dining room. There he dragged two chairs away from the table, turned them towards each other and indicated to me that I should take a seat. I followed this silent order, an unpleasant feeling in my stomach. Connor´s expression was totally serious and it looked like he was already struggling with the words he was going to use. He sat down in front of me but was silent at first and the longer he wasn´t saying anything, the more nervous I got. But luckily Connor didn´t tantalize me any further.  
"On the day of new moon, I went to the mill that was mentioned as the meeting point. I hid nearby, watched it and watched how several men gathered there. They did not talk much to each other but when it became dark, a man joined them, telling them that their boss would not come but that he would stick to his initial plans regarding further attacks. There are going to be none."  
Connor made a short break in which I raised an eyebrow and cocked my head in confusion.  
"Yes, but that´s...good, or is it not?"  
Connor shook his head. "I do not think that it is that easy. These men already used to be too well organized in the past, to stop their doings just like that. There has to be more behind it, but it was not the only thing they talked about during the meeting anyway."  
Connor put a hand to his other fist and began to knead it uneasily while is gazed was directed to a spot on the floor.  
"Some men were angry about the leader´s decision. They said that Jarvis – and they really used this name – is not a good leader anymore. That he is not able to realize their plans and that he has to be replaced. After that some more men appeared, seized the rioter and...silenced them."  
Connor raised his eyes and looked at me seriously. "To kill them was a threat by Jarvis. Who doesn´t follow him, is a dead man. Whatever he is planning, he is unscrupulous and ready for anything. I still do not know if he really is your brother. But I thought that you should know what he did and I promise: I will find him."

I just stared at Connor wordlessly. Before my inner eye, I saw the men who had voiced their opposition against their leader and had been killed because of it. I understood what Connor wanted to say. Ray seemed to follow a specific plan for which he was doing and risking everything. But unlike Connor, I knew where he was right now and I had already stood in front of him. But doubts were forcing their way into my mind again, probably some kind of protective mechanism. I couldn´t and didn´t want to admit that the boy I had grown up with and who I had loved like a brother, even as an adult, was an unscrupulous criminal and murderer. These doubts told me that I hadn´t seen the face of the stranger in the fort. That his voice hadn´t sounded like Ray´s. But as much as I wanted it: I couldn´t agree with the doubts. Because there was the code, the name Raymond Jarvis even Adams had mentioned. I had recognized his handwriting and last but not least, he had called me by the name only he had used for me and he had let Duncan and me go, after he had seen my face. It was Ray. My brother Ray and now I had to realise that he wasn´t the same anymore. But I couldn´t hate him because of that and I couldn´t accept the thought, that he had to pay for his crimes. And he would, if Connor took care of him.

He didn´t turn his eyes away from me, as if he was waiting for a reaction. Or did he suspect that I knew more than I told him?  
"What are you going to do, when you meet him?", I asked in a cracked voice and he shrugged his shoulders.  
"I will know it, when the time has come."  
His serious expression became milder and he leaned forward to grab my healthy hand with his hands. "Do not worry. If it comes to light that Jarvis really is your brother, I will not harm him if I do not have to. But you need to understand that he will pay for his crimes. No matter how."  
Did it comfort me? I knew that he was right and I believed him that he won´t harm Ray. But I just couldn´t tell him about Boston. Something inside of me was struggling against it. Maybe the loving heart of a little sister? The naive hope that my brother wasn´t as bad as it seemed? That there was some sort of misunderstanding?  
No matter what it was, I didn´t dare to tell Connor about my solo attempt. Definitely not as he looked at me with this worried gaze, as if he was expecting something terrible. I had made my decision. I wouldn´t tell him and wait. If there were going to be no attacks anymore, it would probably mean that we wouldn´t hear anything from Ray and his gang anymore. That they disappeared from our lives again. It was a childish naive thought but it gave me the strength to make myself smile.

"Don´t let us think about it until the time has come. For now I´m just glad that you´re back. Six weeks were too long regarding that our last separation wasn´t so long ago."  
Connor smiled faintly and his thumb stroked over the back of my hand while he still looked into my eyes. "And I will not leave again so soon. Obviously I should not let you out of my sight for too long."  
He nodded at my bandaged hand whereupon I gave a forced smile. If only he knew...  
"Accidents happen", I murmured but Connor shook his head.  
"Nevertheless I wished you would not have been alone with it for so long. No matter if you had Maria by your side or not. I do not like that I was not here. But it will change now. You have to recover and I will help you wherever I can. Like you always helped me, when I was injured."  
His words cause a warm prickling inside of me and I gently freed my hand from his grip and put it to his cheek.  
"I´m glad that you´re back."  
If there only wasn´t this guilty conscience.


	22. Chapter 22

_Quite a short chapter this time, but there isn´t much plot in it. But it wasn´t necessary anyway. ;) Please check the end of the chapter for notes.  
_

 ** _Reviews:_**

 **MohawkWoman:** _Unfortunately you´re right with that. She really got herself into trouble and who knows how this is going to end... ^^_

* * *

 **The greatest news**

The following days and weeks passed amazingly calmly. Only one time, Ray and his men got into the centre of our attention, as Connor travelled to Boston to talk to his assassin brothers. During his absence I had been on tenterhooks because I feared that my trip and the true reason for my injured hand were going to be revealed now. But I was luckier than I deserved it. When Connor returned, he told me with a frown that Janet Pierce had appeared in Boston and had met Ray with Duncan. But his men didn´t tell him about her injury and appearance so that Connor didn´t even got the idea that I could have passed myself off as the assassin.  
To pretend that I was likewise confused and surprised about Janet´s alleged appearance, was incredibly painful. I felt bad but I still didn´t want Connor to know what I had done. Ray himself hadn´t been in the city anymore and for now the assassins had decided to wait. So Connor had turned towards other things. The daily life in the homestead, his duties as the captain of the Aquila and smaller events in the nearer environment which required his attention. The gang got more and more into the back of our minds and even I eventually managed it, to stop thinking about my brother all the time. Not least because I could turn towards other things and soon I also had more important things on my mind.

My encounter with Ray in the fort was about seven weeks ago. It was mid October, autumn had arrived long since and the homestead began to prepare for the cold months. Last harvests were brought in, the supplies were restocked, firewood was chopped and the houses and stables got winterized. There was a lot of work to be done, but I still had to be satisfied with idleness because my hand wasn´t entirely healed yet. I was still wearing the bandage and the splint, but at least I didn´t feel any pain when I moved it, which Dr. White said was a good sign that it was on the best way to heal. Nevertheless I wasn´t allowed to move and strain it too much and so I only turned towards small tasks and gave most of the others to Caleb, who was helping me without protest. The time on sea hadn´t made him as calm as I had hoped, but he wasn´t as restless as before. I was proud of his development and also of how he helped not only me but also the other settlers.  
So I had less worries about him and could "concentrate on my recover", as I heard it all the time. But apart from my hand, my physical condition hadn´t got really better. I still felt sick and dizzy from time to time. Of course my sudden feelings of faintness hadn´t escaped Connor´s notice and as I had confessed to him that I was feeling like that for long already, he had almost dragged me to Dr. White. But I had successfully convinced him, as well as myself, that the stress of the last weeks and the injury were responsible for my condition and that it would certainly get better. But eventually I began to doubt that this improvement was really possible.

When I woke up one morning and instantly had to struggle against a wave of nausea, the voice in my head, saying that this permanent sickness couldn´t be normal anymore, began to become louder. But I didn´t feel really weak or ill, in the contrary. Beside that I felt good and the nausea vanished quickly again so that I stood up and went to the closet to get dressed. But when I had slipped out of my nightgown and wanted to take my shift, I paused. Following an uncertain impulse, I took a step to the side and looked at my naked body in the mirror. After I had already noticed weeks ago, that my waist was gone, I hadn´t had a look into the mirror anymore. At least not undressed. Back then I had thought that I just had gained weight because of the ordered rest. But when I now turned sideward and looked at my belly, I had to gulp as I noticed the slight bulge. It was small, not noticeable from the front and neither when I was wearing clothes. You could think that I just had had a good appetite during my last meal but because I had already felt sick last night, I knew that this wasn´t the case. But the question was: Had this bulge grown over the last days or was it just...temporary?

"Damn it", I murmured and stroked briefly over my belly with my fingertips. Nudged lightly against it, as if the bulge would disappear like that, but of course it didn´t. I bit my bottom lip, before I took a deep breath and looked into my own eyes.  
"Relax. No need to worry."  
"What kind of worry?"  
I uttered a quiet, appalled scream as Connor´s voice sounded from the door and whirled around. Why the hell was he always sneaking like that? In one moment you thought you were alone and in the next moment he was already standing behind you.  
"Aren´t you able to knock?", I asked, sharper than it was necessary. Connor raised an eyebrow.  
"I am sorry", he said slowly. "I thought you were still asleep. Do you need help?"  
"With what?"  
Connor smirked. "With getting dressed, for example."  
I blinked and looked down at me in confusion, before I blushed. I was standing entirely naked in our room in front of the mirror and snapped at him for interrupting my monologue. As if he hadn´t seen me naked once...  
Nevertheless I gave him a great credit for looking straight into my eyes, even though it seemed that he found this situation very amusing.

I cleared my throat, made a large step back to the closet and slipped into my shift. "You could help me with the laces."  
"That was what I thought." Connor stepped to me and waited until I had slipped into my stockings and the skirt. He stepped behind me, laced up the skirt and grabbed my bodice which he put around me and laced it up with skilled fingers. Over the last weeks he had helped me with getting dressed almost every day and by now I was sure that he was now able to close a bodice as fast as he could open it. Nevertheless I still found it somehow uncomfortable that he had to help me at all. I always felt as helpless as a little child.  
"I´m glad when I can do this on my own again", I murmured after I had sat on the chair at the washstand and watched Connor putting my boots on me and lacing them up.  
"I believe that", he said. "But until then, stick to what the doctor has told you. Do not move the hand unnecessarily."  
"I do. I have my personal dressing-assistant after all." I grinned widely and when Connor raised his eyes, I saw a mischievous sparkle in them.  
"Dressing and Undressing-assistant, please."  
I laughed. "Excuse me. Of course also an undressing-assistant who is doing his job very good, by the way."  
"I am slowly getting practised in it", Connor smirked, offered me his hand, helped me up and finally into my jacket.

Afterwards he pulled me into his arms and stroked one of my strands of hair behind my ear.  
"How are you anyway?", he asked quietly and repeated another ritual of the past weeks. I knew that he wanted know if I was feeling sick or dizzy but luckily I didn´t right now.  
"I am fine", I said smiling and suppressed my recent tension. "But I have to go to the inn. Some women and I want to make autumn-arrangements."  
I really saw Connor´s interest fading. No matter how attentive he was, when it was about some women-topics, he released himself like every other man. I smirked while he slowly nodded.  
"Well then." He pressed a kiss to my forehead and freed me from his embrace.  
We went downstairs but I bid farewell to him at the front door and walked alone to the homestead. On my way to the inn, my thoughts wandered back to my reflection and I caught myself laying my hand on my belly. A vague supposition had seized my mind, but I didn´t want to accept it yet. I wanted to talk to somebody about it first but I didn´t know with whom. Prudence? Diana? Catherine? Or Maria, who was basically as inexperienced as I? I sighed deeply.

When I entered the inn, I saw some men of the homestead and sailors sitting at the tables and eating their breakfast. I greeted friendly, was likewise greeted and went into the back corner of the dining area, where tables were pushed together and were already surrounded by some ladies. Ellen, Prudence, Diana and Maria, who greeted me warmly and indicated to me that I should take a seat. They had prepared some tools, ribbons, grass, flowers and cornstalks, with which we wanted to make decorations for the houses and the church for the harvest festival. We started this task full of vim and vigour, while we were lovingly supplied with tea by Corrine. Although I couldn´t do more than holding something from time to time, I enjoyed the women´s company. Basically we were entirely different from each other, but nevertheless we could have lively chats and laughs. Something that had been barely possible with the British ladies, or rather it had always been a bit stiff. Nobody tried to push herself to the fore and everybody was able to tell about news in her family without being interrupted. I felt very comfortable in this company. At least until the moment when my stomach contracted all of the sudden and I felt terribly sick.

I groaned quietly and pressed a hand against my belly, which of course didn´t stay unnoticed.  
"Lillian? What is it?", asked Ellen who was sitting next to me but I had already leaped to my feet and ran towards the door. I had barely got outside and had made a few steps away from the door, when I had to support myself with the house wall and vomited the little I had eaten today into Corrine´s thoroughly laid out flowerbed. But as if this wasn't enough, I was seized by dizziness and had to close my eyes for a moment, when my vision blurred.  
"You´re kidding." The whole time sickness and dizziness had been bearable but now they were increasing all of the sudden. If my body wanted to tell me something, it was literally screaming right now.  
"Lillian?", I heard Maria´s worried voice behind me and I ran my hand over my mouth.  
"I´m better now", I murmured and strangely enough, I really didn´t feel sick anymore. Only my circulation was trying to bring me to my knees. I straightened up shakily and wanted to go back to the inn, but my legs refused and I would have fallen down, if Maria hadn´t supported me in time.  
"Damn it, Lillian!", she swore and led me into the house where I was looked over in concern by everybody. I was embarrassed about my collapse in front of a bunch of people and I wanted to square my shoulders and make clear that I felt better than I looked.

But I was relieved when Maria, leaded by Corrine, brought me upstairs into one of the guestrooms where she helped me to lie down on the bed. I uttered a quiet groan as I closed my eyes and felt how my circulation started to calm down again. Maria had heaved my legs onto the bed and adjusted the pillow under my head.  
"Are you still feeling so sick?", she asked and I nodded with closed eyes. Lying to her that I was feeling well, seemed to be a bit unnecessary.  
"But I guess I know the reason now", I said in a hoarse voice but without opening my eyes. So I could only hear how somebody entered the room and shortly afterwards, Diana´s voice sounded next to me.  
"Here, you need to drink something", she said and when I opened my eyes, she was holding a cup out to me, which was spreading a heavy herbal scent. I sat up slowly, took the cup and had a few sips of the bitter tea that was just lukewarm. But I was glad to get rid of this disgusting taste in my mouth.  
"Thank you. I´m better now", I said and pushed the cup into Maria´s hands, who was standing silently beside the bed and looked at me as if I was dying. Diana looked me over while I sat up entirely and looked at her a bit uneasily. I had to talk about my guess with somebody and who else was the right person but a woman who was a mother and furthermore the assistant of a doctor?

"To be honest, I´m feeling unwell once in a while for some time already", I began slowly and kneaded my hands. "I always thought that it is because had so much stress while I was alone, but now Caleb and Connor are back and it didn´t got better since then. Furthermore I have the feeling that my body is getting out of...shape. I´m not sure anymore that all of this only has to with my injury. Do you know what I mean?"  
Diana looked at me silently for a moment before a wide smile appeared on her lips. "I think I do." She sat down on the edge of the bed and lowered her voice a bit as she leaned towards me. "Do you still know when you have been with Connor for the last time?"  
Her question surprised me and shortly I hoped that she didn´t mean it like I thought she did. But certainly it was quite unlikely that Diana was asking me about our conversation this morning.  
"Well...it´s already a bit long ago. He wasn´t here for a long time...maybe about two months ago."  
Diana nodded smiling. "Well, so you should check again."  
"Check...? Oh..." I hadn´t thought about that. Why hadn´t this come to my mind earlier? Probably because my menstruation was so irregular that I used to be almost surprised when it began. But why hadn´t I thought about it anyway? I was feeling sick for two months after all.  
"Oh, damn it", I murmured and covered my face with my healthy hand. Diana chuckled and patted my knee.  
"Never mind", she said. "I also didn´t think about it for a long time and when I was feeling sick, I thought that I just hadn´t cope with something in the food. But when the skirts began to get tighter, I felt just like you do now. Furthermore I...felt it somehow. It was a guess I had."  
I nodded slowly because I knew what she meant. I lowered my hand and stared at it silently for a while and tried to order my thoughts.

Diana sat in front of me smiling while Maria obviously seemed to assimilate our recent conversation. But she didn´t manage it as silent as I did. After she had put Diana´s and my words together, she gasped and put the cup onto the bedside table in a jerk. "Did I get it right?", she asked excited and looked at me with shining eyes. "Sickness for two months. Checking again. Tighter clothes. Lillian, are you...?"  
I paused shortly but nodded finally. "I think so." Actually I was quite sure. Apart from the signs, it was just a certain feeling I had. Like Diana had described it.  
Maria uttered a joyful squeal like I had never heard it from her before. She really beamed and threw her arms around my neck.  
"Oh God. I´m so glad for you." She looked into my eyes and I smirked as I saw the excitement in hers.  
"That´s so wonderful. You know...I will go to Connor and bring him here!"  
My smile vanished and totally dumfounded I stared after Maria, who had quickly disappeared through the door.  
"But...", I started and just wanted to stand up to follow her, but Diana laid a hand on my shoulder.  
"Stay here. I will go after her and take care that you can tell it Connor on your own." She smirked and after I had thanked her, she followed Maria quickly.  
I stayed behind alone. Alone with my racing thoughts and feelings, which were a mixture of endless joy, uncertainty and nervousness. If my feeling didn´t fail me, it would mean that there was going to be a lot of changes. Fundamental changes. Not only for me but also for Connor and even for Caleb. I didn´t know yet, how this changes are going to be like. I had no imagination of it, but with a smile it became aware to me that these changes wouldn´t be bad. In the contrary.

As I heard steps on the floor and Maria´s excited voice after a while, my heart began to beat faster. Especially when Connor appeared in the doorframe, being pushed over the threshold by Maria with a confused expression.  
"I didn´t say anything", she told me with a wide smile. "You can do that now." She winked at me and closed the door behind herself, so that Connor and I were alone in the room. He seemed like he didn´t know what to think about all this and I didn´t want to imagine how Maria had taken him by surprise. He pointed at the door while he approached the bed and looked me over.  
"Maria said that you want to tell me something. I heard that you were not feeling well. What is it? Did something happen? Are you ill?"  
"No, everything is fine", I said and gave him a reassuring smile. As I reached out my hand for him, he took it hesitantly, scrutinizing my face while I made him sit on the edge of the bed. "But I really have to tell you something."  
Connor nodded and for a short moment, I couldn´t see any emotion on his face and it made me even more nervous than I already was. But I decided not to talk too much.  
"I´m pregnant."

Silence. Connor´s expression was still motionless while he said there as stiff as a poker and shortly I thought that he hadn´t understood me. Or he had got something wrong and thought that I was going to explain it to him. But as I didn´t say anything more and looked at him expectantly, life came back to him. He blinked several times, opened his mouth and closed it again. Then he shortly cocked his head, before he made a new attempt to say something.  
"What did you say?", he asked and leaned a bit forward, as if he expected that he could hear me better like that. I smirked.  
"I said: I´m pregnant."  
Connor leaned back again and stared at me as if I was a ghost. The confusion on his face was obvious and I could literally see his mind working.  
"But...how? Why...?", he stammered and for the first time since I knew him, I saw him taken aback and I couldn´t stop myself. I laughed.  
"How and why? These are the first questions you´re asking?" A cheeky grin flitted across my face. "Well, first there are the bees and the flowers..."  
"Yes, yes. Alright." Connor raised a hand and smiled faintly. "I did not mean it like that. I was just...surprised." He moved a bit closer, squeezed my hand lightly and looked into my eyes.  
"Are you sure?"  
I nodded and a bright smile appeared on my lips. "We´re having a child. You´re becoming a father."  
While I said this, I became entirely sure. I just felt it and saying it, was an incredible feeling. Indescribable joy, spreading in my whole body and reaching its climax as I saw Connor´s final reaction to this news. A smile appeared on his lips like I had never seen it before. It radiated pure joy, together with a warmth that caused a pleasant feeling in my belly. I didn´t need to ask if he was happy. It was obvious.  
"This is the greatest news you could have told me", he said, wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer. I leaned my forehead against his and we silently sat there for a moment, enjoyed the closeness of each other and the happiness we were sharing. This morning I had felt uneasiness as it had come to my mind that I could be pregnant. I hadn´t known how to deal with this thought because I neither had known how Connor would react, if this was the case. I hadn´t expected that he wouldn´t take this news well, but to be certain of it at last was a relief. We could look forward to this new chapter in our lives together and overcome and wait for the changes it would bring.

"Is it the reason why you have not been well recently?", Connor asked and I nodded.  
"But now that I know the reason, it is easier to bear it."  
Connor nodded smirking and put his lips to my forehead, before he moved a bit away from me and looked me over again. "Are you reasonably feeling better now?"  
When I nodded again, his expression brightened again and he helped me up. "Then I will bring you home, as long as this is the case." He intertwined his fingers with mine, but when he approached the door, I squinched up my face.  
"Can we leave through the window?", I asked and Connor looked at me with raised eyebrows.  
"Why?"  
"Just a feeling."  
I had remembered how excited Maria had been and I was almost sure that she was on tenterhooks down in the dining area and waited for us. I wasn´t wrong. As we came downstairs, Maria leaped up from her chair and beamed at us. But luckily she had kept the news to herself. As well as Diana. So the two of them were the only ones who smiled at us, while the other ladies were more concerned. But it wasn´t surprising. After all they didn´t know that I often had felt sick and had only seen my collapse today. Corrine came to me and put a hand on my shoulder.  
"Darling, have a rest at home, do you hear me?"  
I nodded smiling. "I will. Don´t worry."  
The innkeeper pulled me into a short embrace, before she looked at Connor and raised her index finger in an almost warning manner. "If you don´t bring her to the doctor, when she´s feeling worse again, you should keep out of my sight."  
Connor smirked. "Do not worry, Corrine. I will take of her", he said and as he squeezed my hand lightly with that, I was quite sure that he wasn´t talking only about me.

* * *

 **Notes:**

 _While writing this chapter, I didn´t know if the connection between the missig menstruation and a possible pregnancy was known back then. It is very difficult to learn something about pregnancy and its medical relevance in the 18th century. But some of the German readers had some information about it. Of course the medics of this time were mostly men and they weren´t interested in the female physique and for a long time, the menstruation was believed to be something dirty and even something evil. So of course there were no studies about it. But I guess that the women knew their bodies and noticed the connection between certain processes on their own and they certainly passed this knowledge on to their daughters or whatever. After all the job of a midwife is very old_ _already_ _, too and in the end of the 18th century there were even the first schools for midwifes. So there had to be some knowledge. And I guess if Lillian would have felt sick for some more weeks without coming to the right conclusion, it would have been a bit strange. ;)_


	23. Chapter 23

_**Reviews:**_

 **MohawkWoman:** _I´m glad that you see it like I do. ^^ Although the people of this time didn´t talk about the human body and its processes, I think that a woman know her body nevertheless, no matter in which time she´s living in. And yes, writing Connor´s reaction was so much fun. :D I literally saw him in front of me, totally taken by surprise. It hink that was the last thing he was expecting.  
_

* * *

 **Winter**

 ** _December, 1784_**

It was end of December and the winter had the land in its firm grip for weeks now. The snow was piling up metre deep on the paths and on the roofs and it had become dangerous to be close to the trees. Because once in a while a branch gave in to the heavy weight of the white splendour and broke off with a loud crack. Nearly nobody in the homestead was outside, if it wasn´t really necessary. It was icy even when the sun was shining, but most of the time it was hiding behind a thick wall of grey clouds. Again and again it began to snow and it wasn´t rare that smaller snow storms developed, which could be dangerous if you were outside. It was a difficult time and it didn´t look like everything was becoming easier in the near future. In the contrary. Not only Connor said that this winter was probably going to last several months and among other things, it meant that we had to use the firewood and supplies sparsely. The latter was difficult, especially for me.

By now I was in the fifth month of my pregnancy. My belly was already bulging to a small bump but still I hadn´t put on much weight. I had to take care that we didn´t run out of supplies too soon and because of that it was often impossible to eat for two. Too often I had discussed with Connor and Caleb about this because both of them wanted to go without some meals or parts of them for my sake, but I couldn´t allow that. The winter was energy-sapping for us all and especially Caleb should want for nothing. In late autumn Diana had warned me that a pregnancy during the winter was a serious difficulty, but at that time we hadn´t known how hard the winter was going to be. Now we knew and with every passing day, my concern about my unborn child grew. But I also had to cope with the daily life. The housework still needed to be done and was a welcomed distraction from all kinds of worries. My broken wrist was healed already and even though I´d had to notice that it was restricted in its flexibility, it had been entirely fit again after a short while. I really didn´t miss the times, in which I had needed help for every little task. I attended totally to my work, although I needed to take a short break from time to time because my strength faded. I always fell into the bed with exhaustion in the evening, fell asleep immediately, but often didn´t feel rested in the morning.

Today was such a morning. When I woke up, it was difficult at first, to keep my eyes open and a dull pain was throbbing in my head. I uttered a quiet groan that quickly turned into a chattering of teeth, because it was terribly cold in our room. I wrapped the blanked of rabbit-fur tighter around me and pulled our normal blanked up to my chin, but as I turned on my side, I noticed that the best source of heat wasn´t laying next to me. Confused I sat up and noticed only now that it was midday obviously. Sunlight was falling through the curtains and drew bright stripes on the floor and the walls. I had slept way too long. With a quiet curse on my lips, I wrapped myself out of the blankets and scurried to the closet. As fast as I could I began to get dressed but in the end it took longer because I couldn´t stop my hands from shaking. Luckily I had already banned my usual skirts and bodices into the back of the closet because of the pregnancy. Weeks ago I had asked Ellen to sew a dress for me with which I didn´t need to worry about pinching seams because of my growing belly. It was a single piece of clothing with a body-hugging top that was only laced underneath the breasts. Then it was falling in wide pleats down to my ankles, was decently concealing my belly but gave it enough space over the following months and I got more mobility with that. Furthermore it was much easier to put it on.

I ordered my hair with quick strokes of the brush, pinned the sides back and walked downstairs into the kitchen shortly afterwards, still freezing. My arms crossed in front of my chest, I entered the kitchen and my gaze moved to the crackling fire of the hearth and the jug and the pot hanging over it. I pushed the sleeve over my hand and lifted the pot´s lid. The scent of cooked vegetables and meat rose into my nose and made my stomach rumble. But at the same time my concerns about our fading supplies returned. Whoever had cooked this, hadn´t been thrifty with them.  
I closed the pot again and went to the storage room. Frowning I let my gaze roam over the sacks and crates with corn and vegetables and tried to assess as always, how long they were going to last. But as always I didn´t come to a satisfying answer.  
"Stop it", I suddenly heard Connor´s voice behind me and winced. I hadn´t heard him coming inside but obviously he had been outside. Snowflakes glistened in his hair and began to melt and his shoes were leaving wet prints on the floor, as he went to the hearth and put an armful of wood into the corner.  
"What shall I stop?", I asked, closed the door to the storage room and watched Connor stacking the wood to a small pile.  
"Worrying about the supplies", was the short answer and I snorted.  
"Did you have a look at it once?", I asked irritated and pointed at the door. "We only have two sacks of corn, half a sack of potatoes and maybe two crates of vegetables left. The winter is going to last a few more months."  
"Yes and we are going to overcome them." Connor stood up, wiped his hands on his pants and turned around to me. "The last winter was much worse and we overcame it, too. Furthermore it is always possible to find something to eat in the forests, if it should become necessary."  
"But that doesn´t mean that we should cook opulent stews." I pointed at the pot over the fire and Connor´s gaze followed my hint. He closed his eyes shortly and took a deep breath.  
"You were not well last night. You need something proper to eat."  
"I´m fine." In a wave of defiance, I crossed my arms in front of my chest. Of course he was right but I thought that it was my responsibility, to take care of our supplies so that they brought us through the winter. It was correct that the last winter had been much worse, but the harvest of the year had been much better and we had been able to be thrifty with them anyway. Especially I actually couldn´t risk that this year. But I wouldn´t stand and watch Connor and Caleb starving, so that I had enough to eat.

"Lillian." Connor´s voice was softer now as he approached me, put both hands to my cheeks and made me look at him. "You have to stop playing the strong one. Do you think that I do not see how exhausted you are every evening? How pale you are? I understand your concerns but you should turn them towards yourself. Caleb and I are fine, you do not need to worry about us." His thump stroked over my cheekbone and a warm smile appeared on his lips. "You and the baby are more important."  
He said that with so much love in his voice, that it was easier to take his words to heart. How could I say something against it? He was right after all. I wasn´t only responsible for myself. But I loved him and Caleb as much as I loved the baby and I wanted that everybody was alright.  
"I will try", I promised anyway and smiled faintly. Connor seemed to be satisfied, bent down to me and kissed my lips softly.  
"Are you hungry?", he asked and led me to the table, where I sat down on the bench and nodded.  
"For two", I smirked and watched Connor filling a bowl with the stew and putting it down in front of me, including a spoon.  
"Is it eatable?", I asked, grinning cheekily and he cocked his head.  
"I hope so. Maria cooked it after all."  
"Maria was here?"  
He nodded. "She wanted to see you this morning but we wanted to let you sleep, so she cooked so that you have less work to do."  
I sighed deeply. "That is nice of her but I would prefer to do my work in my house on my own. I´m pregnant, not ill. Other women don´t let themselves go either."

Luckily Connor didn´t comment on that, probably because he knew that my pride in this regard was too strong to be broken. If he had said something like, I should go easy on myself, I would have turned the spoon in my hand into a weapon. But undisturbed I could begin to eat and enjoyed the warming stew, while Connor was sitting in front of me and watched me more or less. As if he wanted to make sure that I really ate and didn´t throw half of the food away, as soon as he turned his eyes away. But he really didn´t need to worry about that. I was quite hungry and furthermore the stew helped to drive the cold away.  
"Where is Caleb?", I asked while scraping the rest of the stew together.  
"On the farm. He wanted to help Warren freeing the roofs of the barns from the snow, before the weather changes."  
My gaze slid to the window. The sky was a single wall of grey clouds which had swallowed the few sunlight and little snowflakes were drifting down. Compared to the last days, the weather today was acceptable. But that could change quickly and I hoped that Caleb was going to be back soon.

As Connor reached out his hand for my empty bowl, I turned my gaze back to him and gave him a light slap on his fingers, which made him startle back in surprise.  
"I will do this on my own", I said grinning, grabbed the bowl and went to the dishpan. I washed my dishes but stopped abruptly and laid a hand on my belly with a surprised gasp.  
"What is it?", Connor asked alarmed and I heard him standing up and stepping behind me.  
"I think it just moved", I answered and laughed as I felt this light flutter again, which ended as quickly as it had begun. I grabbed Connor´s hand anyway and laid it on the curve of my belly. He propped up his head on my shoulder and together we waited for the child under my heart to move again.  
"There!" I smiled brightly as it did and turned my head to Connor to look at him. But he looked disappointed.  
"I did not feel anything."  
I turned around to him, wrapped my arms around his neck and had to stand on my toes in doing so, which wasn´t as easy as it had been before the pregnancy.  
"Maybe you will some day." I ran my hands through his hair smirking and made the disappointed expression in his eyes disappear. "The main thing is that you can hold it in your arms sometime and if I can feel it now, it must mean that it is fine."  
"You are right." Connor took my arms from his neck and led them to his chest before he gently pressed his lips against mine. A warm prickling feeling ran through my body and the imagination of Connor holding our child in his arms, made my heart beat faster. I was looking forward to it and knew that he felt the same. But we had to be patient for a while.

A knock on the door tore me out of my daydreams and I hummed irritated when Connor broke the kiss and left the kitchen. I followed him. When Connor opened the door, Corrine stood in front of us, being beside herself but sighing in relief as she saw the assassin.  
"Thank God, you´re here", she uttered and her gaze flitted to me, as I appeared next to Connor. "The roof of the great barn on the farm has collapsed under the snow and they need everybody to help clearing the ruins away. Some animals are trapped under them."  
My heart stopped for a moment as I thought that Caleb had wanted to help Warren at the barn.  
"Was somebody harmed?", I asked in panic but Corrine shook her head.  
"Warren and Caleb were lucky. Warren is unharmed, Caleb just slightly injured but is already at the Doc´s."  
" _Just_ slightly injured?" My voice was almost cracking but Connor put a hand on my shoulder without turning his eyes away from Corrine.  
"Will you go to Caleb with Lillian? I will go to the farm."  
Corrine nodded and shortly afterwards, Connor had pushed himself past her and hurried to the homestead. I went upstairs, taking two steps at once, got my coat, threw it on and was already downstairs again with Corrine, who gave me a reassuring look.  
"Everything went well. He only has a few scratches and bruises."  
"It will only reassure me, if I see him."

Corrine nodded understandingly and together we walked through the flat stamped snow to the homestead and directly to the doctor´s house. He was wearing a reassuring expression, too, as he opened the door and led me to a room on the upper floor, while Corrine headed to the farm.  
"He just wanted to climb onto the roof, as it collapsed. Nevertheless he only got a light hit on the head, but nothing serious. He needs some rest and then he will be jumping around soon."  
Dr. White opened the door to the room and let me step inside. There was Caleb laying in a bed, the blanket pulled up to his chin, the eyes closed and terribly pale.  
"Can we bring him home today?", I asked the doctor quietly and he weighed his head back and forth.  
"I would like to have him here a bit longer and watch him, just in case that the hit on his head was worse. He just said that he´s feeling sick. I would say, he stays here for today and we will see tomorrow, if he can come home." He put a hand on my shoulder. "Just stay here, if you like. I´m downstairs if you need me. Can I offer you a tea?"  
I shook my head gratefully and sat down on a chair next to the bed, after White had left and had closed the door behind himself.

Caleb was sleeping soundly and I silently spent some time on my seat and looked outside through the window. It hadn´t started to snow yet and I hoped that it would stay like this for now. I didn´t know to what extent the barn on the farm had been destroyed and how much the men had to clean up, but I hoped that they all were going to stay unharmed by other accidents. Caleb and Warren had been lucky after all. I didn´t want to imagine what could have happened.  
As the blond boy moved at last, I turned my gaze to him and smiled as he opened his eyes.  
"Hey", I said quietly and carefully stroked over his forehead. "How are you?"  
Caleb blinked several times, before he answered in a hoarse voice: "My head hurts a bit. Why am I not in my own room?"  
"Because Dr. White wants to keep you here and watch you for now, just in case that you´re feeling worse. But tomorrow you can probably go home again and sleep in your own bed."  
"So you still want to have me there and don´t leave me here?"  
I frowned in confusion about this question which had come over his lips so suddenly and I moved a bit closer to the bed.  
"What do you mean? Why should we want to leave you here?"  
Suddenly Caleb appeared to be nervous and he uneasily lowered his eyes onto the blanket and began to play with its hem.  
"Well, everybody is saying, how happy they are for Connor and you, when your child is born and that Connor is finally going to have an own and well-deserved family then. When it is born, you are a family and then I don´t suit you anymore because I´m not a part of it."  
He became silent and kept his gaze down while I needed a moment to assimilate his words.

When I had told him that I was expecting a child, he had reacted quite restrained but I had believed that he just needed to get used to the thought that he soon wasn´t the only child at home anymore. But never I would have believed that he didn´t feel like a part of our family and that he feared that we wouldn´t want to have him with us anymore after the birth. I felt extremely sorry that he was thinking like that and at the same time I asked myself, if we had given him the feeling that he needed to have this fear. If we hadn´t cared enough for him.  
I sighed quietly, rose from my chair and sat down on the edge of the bed.  
"Caleb", I began calmly and gently cupped his chin with my hand so that he looked at me. "You shouldn´t think something like that, do you hear me? Connor, you and I are already a family and it won´t change because of the child. Our family will grow, but it doesn´t mean that you won´t be a part of us anymore."  
"But I´m not your child. The baby belongs more to you than I."  
"It doesn´t make a difference." I stroked through his blonde hair and smiled. "It had never made a difference. Neither for me, nor for Connor. In a family it doesn´t matter if or how you are related to each other. It is important what you´re feeling for each other and Connor and I enjoy that you´re with us and it will never change."

Caleb scrutinized my face as if he wanted to see, if I was lying to him. But I meant what I said. The boy was already a part of my life and no matter if I was his mother or not: I cared for him and I loved to do it. I couldn´t imagine a life without this whirlwind. He was an asset and always would be.  
"Is that so?", he asked meekly and I lovingly tousled his hair.  
"Of course. Furthermore the baby needs something like a big brother and who else would be a better brother than you?"  
"Do you think so?" A joyful sparkle appeared in his blue eyes and it looked like the thought, that he was going to have someone who could look up to him, would please him. My answer was a smile and I could literally see how the last doubts were leaving Caleb. He beamed and before I could react, he had sat up and had thrown his arms around my neck.  
"I love you, Lillian", he murmured and I gently pulled him closer.  
"I love you, too, little one."

I held him in my arms for a moment, before I carefully made him lie down again and rest. As I had made sure that he was well, I blew a kiss on his forehead and left the room with his approval. He should sleep a bit and I wanted to use the opportunity to go to the farm and look after the others. Dr. White promised to keep an eye on Caleb and so I could go without a guilty conscience. The path to the farm was nearly freed from the snow, thanks to the many pairs of feet who had hurried over it recently. Probably the whole homestead was up and about to help. Typical for Davenport and it showed once again that we all stuck together. When I walked around the farmer´s house and reached the backyard, I directly saw a group of men, gathering around a pile of rubble which seemed like it had used to be the said barn with its roof. Most parts of the wooden walls were still standing but had been partly cracked by the roof joists and boards. They had already removed the snow around the pile and were just clearing away some rubble.

I stayed in some distance and watched how Terry, Godfrey and Connor were lifting a thick wooden beam up, while Big Dave, Norris and Warren stuck another beam under it to support the remaining walls. From the back corner of the barn, which was still looking quite unharmed, sounded the scared squealing of pigs and as I saw some pink and blood covered bodies underneath the rubble, I knew why the men were hurrying to clear away everything. If they didn´t remove the carcasses, they could probably lure wild animals we didn´t need in the homestead. Furthermore the remaining pigs had to be rescued. I just hoped that the weather was going to stay like this and that nobody got injured. The remaining barn didn´t appear really stable.

"Lillian." Prudence had appeared next to me and her worried gaze also turned to the working men.  
"I´m sorry that this happened to you", I said and put a hand on her shoulder. Prudence smiled faintly.  
"It was a matter of time. So often I told Warren that he has to take care of the snow on the roofs. Now we have the problem. Some animals are dead, others are in danger and the stored feed is done for, too. Not to forget the part of our vegetable and potato stocks for the homestead which we have stored in there. Now we have only left what is in the storage room. We can neither supply us, nor the rest of the homestead, when it comes to the crunch." The Afro-American pressed her lips together and I could see, how her eyes filled up with tears. I could see the existential fear in them.  
"Don´t worry. We will find a way." I reassuringly stroked over her shoulder and she gave me a grateful but forced smile. Then she wrapped an arm around my hips and led me to the house.  
"We shouldn´t stay in the cold. Corrine, Diana and Catherine are inside and prepare something to eat for the gentlemen. We have tea, too, if you like."  
We entered the large living room of the house, where said women were sitting around the kitchen table and prepared vegetables as well as meat. They greeted me as Prudence offered me a seat.  
"How is Caleb?", Diana asked me and they all paused in their work to look at me.  
"He´s fine", I said with a smile. "He has to rest but the doctor is optimistic that he will be better soon."

Especially Prudence appeared to be relieved about this news and she gave me a smile, as he put a cup of tea in front of me, which I took gratefully. While the other women turned towards the food again, I kept my hands around the warm cup, lost in my thoughts and even though I hadn´t wanted to do it anymore: I thought of the supplies again. Warren and Prudence had lost a lot and that some animals had died, was also a hard blow for the farmers. They also had to fear that they probably wouldn´t be able bring the remaining animals through the winter and that would threaten their existence in spring at the latest. Not to forget that the whole homestead was depended on the farm´s yields, too. According to Prudence, a part of the potato and vegetable reserves were lost, too and in this weather conditions, it was almost impossible to travel to the surrounding villages to buy supplies there. Furthermore it was unlikely that they could help us, because they had to struggle with the winter, too. It was a more than difficult situation and unfortunately I had been confirmed in my concerns that the supplies weren´t going to be enough. But now it was important to help Prudence and her family. They had a little son after all.

"Prudence, how long do you think will the supplies in the house be enough?", I asked the farmer who looked at me and squinched up her face thoughtfully.  
"It´s difficult to say. Maybe two, or maybe just one month."  
I nodded slowly. If I wasn´t wrong, the winter could probably last three more months in the worst case. A very long time. Too long.  
"Maybe we could help each other out for some time", I said slowly and turned the cup between my hands. "If we would pool our supplies together. Connor said you could find something to eat in the forests, too, if it should become necessary. But maybe we eventually get the chance to visit other villages and buy something there. It has scarcely snowed today, maybe it will stay like this."  
I knew that my words sounded more than hopeful, but I also wanted that all of us could find fresh hope. The situation appeared to be difficult, but I always thought of what Connor had said: The last winter had been harder and we had come through it. What had happened today was a tragedy, but if we would stick together like always, I was sure that we could overcome the upcoming difficulties. When I raised my eyes and looked at the others, I looked into quite hesitant faces. But the other women nodded, because there were probably not many alternatives.

* * *

The men worked until nightfall and only made short breaks to eat and warm up. It hadn´t started to snow, but with every passing hour, the temperature went down. When the sun set, they had been able to free the trapped animals and resettle them into another barn at least. They had also freed the carcasses and had got them to safety from predators. Prudence was going to have a look at them tomorrow and decide, if you could process them and we all hoped that it was possible.  
My idea, to share the supplies from now on, had been further discussed, too, but we were going to make a final decision tomorrow. Then the whole homestead would meet in the church and discuss and put this topic to the vote. But for now I was glad that this day was over and after Connor and I had paid Caleb a short visit, we went home arm in arm, each of us lost in his own thoughts. But I was torn out of my own as Connor stopped abruptly and suddenly pushed me behind himself, his hand on his tomahawk. Confused I glanced over his shoulder and winced as I saw a rider, a few metres in front of us. He was only a shadow, because it was dark around us. The moon was hiding behind thick clouds. The horse was standing there as calmly as the person on its back was looking at us. I couldn´t see much of him, but as I noticed the wide cape he was wearing, my heart almost stopped.  
"Who are you and what do you want?", Connor asked. His muscles were tensed, as if he was expecting a fight in every moment. But the rider didn´t answer. He just shoved his heels into the horse´s flanks and we had to jump out of his way, as he galloped past us. Connor swore loudly and looked after the rider who was swallowed by the shadows shortly afterwards.  
"Who was that?", he asked, even though it seemed like he didn´t expect an answer from me. He wouldn´t have get one anyway.

* * *

 _ **Notes:**_

 _The dress Lillian mentioned, was derived from the so called "Adrienne". It was a waistless, wide gown and had its origin in the baroque era and is regarded as the first maternity dress. Until the 19th century, pregnant women had to hide their bellys, because a pregnance was socially unpresentable and it was improper to present your belly, like women today are doing it proudly. Most women, especially women of the lower classes, wore waistcoats they could adjust in size or they just cut the seams of their clothes. For Lillian I chose the Adrienne, but her dress is certainly less extravagant and more practical.  
_


	24. Chapter 24

_Hey everyone :)_

 _First of all: Thank you for your support, as always. It´s really appreciated. But actually I´m curious, if you have a guess whether Connor and Lillian are expecting a little boy or a little girl. ;) It would be really interesting to read that, but please consider that it won´t influence the final "result". This part of the story is already finished after all. Actually the child is already two years old, regarding to the German chapter I´m currently writing. ^^ (Chapter 82 by the way...)_

* * *

 **Solidarity**

Four days passed and the weather was just better because it didn´t snow. Apart from that it was still icy and unpleasant and after the collapse of the barn´s roof on the farm, a general depressed mood was reigning over the homestead. We actually had decided to share our supplies from now on, which basically meant that we were helping each other more than usual. But in face of the lost emergency reserves, we had no other choice anyway. Connor went occasionally into the forest and hunted for weak game that probably wouldn´t have made it through the winter anyway. But he never made much prey. He seemed to be really angry about it, but I felt that there was also something else that was bothering him and I was sure, that it was about this rider. The rider, of whom I had shortly thought, that he was Ray. I had a strange feeling about this and was confirmed in it shortly afterwards.

In this night my sleep was more than just troubled. I woke up several times, once because I had certain needs, or because I startled out of confusing dreams and another time because of totally incomprehensible reasons. Every time when I woke up, I needed a while to fall asleep again and I envied Connor, because it seemed like he could sleep like a stone tonight. When I woke up again and stared into the darkness, I had enough. As quiet and carefully as possible, I stood up, slipped into my dressing gown and went downstairs into the kitchen. There I put a jug with water onto the still glowing coals and took a little pouch filled with dried hop from the storage. Dr. White had given it to me as I had told him a while ago, that I wasn´t sleeping well. Brewed and as a tea, the hop had a soothing effect and I relied on it right now. Because if I didn´t sleep for the rest of the night, I certainly wasn´t going to be able to stand up tomorrow.

With a cup of tea in my hand, I went into the parlour, sat down on the rocking chair and wrapped myself into a blanket. Slowly rocking back and forth, I drank the bitter drink in small sips and stared holes into the darkness. My thoughts wanted to wander to all the big and small problems on my mind, but I forbid myself to do so. No wonder that I couldn´t sleep after all this worrying and I should try to concentrate on all the positive things which were happening. Caleb was fine again, we had a safe roof over our heads at least, we were healthy and then there was my pregnancy after all, which made me look happily into the future anyway. So I had enough reasons to be happy and in high spirits, but especially when I thought of Ray, it became difficult.

When I had drunk up, I peeled myself off the blanket, brought the cup back into the kitchen and just wanted to go upstairs again, as Noir´s fevered barking made me stop. It sounded muffled from the stables, where the dog had its sleeping place in an empty box. But what was upsetting her so much?  
Insecure I went into the dining room and glanced through the window to the stable. What I saw made me freeze with horror. On the free area in front of the stable, stood a cart. One single oil lamp was hanging at the coach-box and made it possible to see the figure in the cape, tampering with the harness of the horse. The cart itself was packed with something I couldn´t see clearly enough. But I didn´t care anyway.  
"Connor!", I shouted in panic and as loud as possible. "Connor!"  
I heard how the door upstairs was torn open, then quick steps on the staircase and finally behind me in the room.  
"What is it?", Connor asked but seemed to see himself, what was happening in front of the stable. He uttered a curse and ran to the front door. The figure in front of the stable paused shortly, as it heard him coming, leaped onto the horse´s back, which he had freed from the cart and galloped past Connor, who had difficulties in getting forward, thanks to the snow. My husband stood still and stared after the stranger.

I couldn´t stay at the window anymore. I followed Connor´s path through the front door and ignored the sharp coldness outside, as I stumped barefooted through the, for me, knee-high snow to Connor. He had approached the cart by now and whirled around with his fists raised, as he heard my steps.  
"Lillian, go inside", he growled as he recognized me, but I ignored him as I could see what was on the cart.  
"That´s unbelievable", I whispered. It was packed with sacks, crates and baskets full of food. Corn, vegetables, potatoes, even dried fruits and processed meat. A whole load of food that could certainly bring the whole homestead through the winter.  
"That´s a miracle", I murmured, while Connor was taking the lamp from the coach-box and walked around the cart with knitted eyebrows. As if he was searching for some traps, but of course there were none.  
"I do not like this", he said nevertheless, opened one of the sacks and let the corn trickle through his fingers. "It is in the depths of winter. Almost nobody has enough supplies to care for himself, but somebody comes here and leaves a cart full of food for the next months? Just like that?"  
"Maybe he´s able to afford that, heard about our situation and wanted to help us."  
"And for that he comes in the middle of the night, leaves the cart here in secret and disappears when he gets detected?" Connor shook his head. "It must be this stranger we recently met on our way home. Something is wrong."  
"Oh, stop that. You can´t expect evil behind everything. Believe just once that somebody is doing something for charity´s sake." Irritated I crossed my arms in front of my chest. I just couldn´t believe that somebody, who was doing such a good deed, had bad intentions. I thought somehow, that the figure in the cape had been Ray and it gave me a bad feeling, but I didn´t want to give up the hope that our concerns about our supplies were going to be a thing of the past.  
"Nobody is doing anything just like that", Connor said in a firm voice and turned his gaze to the cart again. "I will bring it into the stable for now and you will go inside in an instant. We can think about this tomorrow."  
The conversation was finished with that. Grimly I watched him pulling the cart to the stable from where I could still hear Noir´s barking, before the coldness made me follow his order. After my feet had hurt at first, I didn´t even feel them right now and my teeth were already hurting from their clattering. To stump barefooted through the snow, just wasn´t a good idea.

* * *

In the next morning, Connor and I were standing with Father Timothy and Corrine, who had agreed to organize the distribution of the last supplies, around the cart and discussed what we should do with the food. Both of them had the same opinion like me, saying that the stranger had given us a gift, while Connor was still distrustful about everything. For him it was inconceivable that somebody was doing a good deed just like that. He expected some trick behind it, but I really couldn´t believe what this should be.  
"We need these supplies", I emphasized repeatedly while I looked into his hardened face. "They are our chance to get through the winter. Furthermore you really can´t demand that we will just leave them here and let them rot."  
"And what about the other villages with similar problems? They are starving and we will rest on this...donation?"  
A short, depressed silence spread after his question. Of course there were certainly more settlers who were worrying about the shortage of their supplies. But wouldn´t they take this cart, too? What else should happen with it?

"If you want to see the moral aspects, it´s certainly difficult to take these supplies in good conscience", Corrine started. "But think of the children. The little Hunter, the even smaller Will. Then Caleb of course, Ellen´s daughter and Godfrey´s and Terry´s boys. Not to forget your little mite. We have to care about them and this donation came just at the right time for that."  
Three pairs of eyes were expectantly turned to the assassin, who was standing there with crossed arms and a motionless expression and stared at the cart. When he raised his eyes, he glanced at me shortly, or rather at my rounded belly. He appeared uncertain but finally pulled away from his tensed posture.  
"Good", he said. "Then unload it and decide how you want to distribute everything. The others shall come here and take their share, when you are done."  
With these words, he turned around and stumped back to the house. Frowning I looked after him.  
"It doesn´t seem like he is pleased by his own decision", Corrine said and when I looked at her, she appeared concerned.  
"He will calm himself again." I smiled at her reassuringly and pointed at the cart. "Shall we start?"  
Father Timothy, Corrine and I began to unload the food and arranged the crates and sacks in order of their content. Soon it was unmistakable that we really didn´t need to worry about dwindling supplies anymore and we felt a certain euphoria. Where ever the food was coming from, it was exactly what we had needed in our situation and it had come just at the right time. I hoped that Connor was going to see that, too.

"What´s that?"  
I just had put a crate with root vegetable to the others, as I heard Father Timothy´s voice behind me. He held a piece of paper in his hand and looked at it with knitted eyebrows.  
"A message?", I asked curiously, but the Father shook his head.  
"Only numbers and letters. Maybe some sort of inventory list. But I can´t see a pattern in it."  
Just when he had mentioned the numbers and letters, I had been seized by a bad feeling and approached him quickly and pulled the paper out of his hand. It was really filled with apparently incoherent characters, but unlike the Father, I could see a pattern in them. While my heart was rushing in utter confusion, I tried to stay calm externally.  
"Really seems like it isn´t quite meaningful", I mentioned markedly in passing. "But maybe an inventory list wouldn´t be bad actually. We should list what he have, then we will have a better overview."  
As the Father nodded, I went back to the house, claiming that I wanted to get something to write with. The paper still firmly in my hand. My first way led me to the hidden door of the cellar, which was just slightly open. I heard the scraping sound of the grindstone Connor was using to sharpen his weapons, from downstairs. So Connor was busy for now and so I hurried as quiet as possible into the study. There I sat down at the table, grabbed ink and stylograph and began to decode the code, that was still so familiar to me, with shaking hand. I didn´t need much time for it but I read the created words over and over again. Again they made me become helpless in front of my inconsistent feelings. If Connor would read them, he would demonize the cart´s load immediately, but he would also have the realization that Jarvis was my brother and I wouldn´t need to pretend anymore that I didn´t know about it. But what then?  
For a while I sat there silently and stared at the written words, struggling with my thoughts. When I had made my decision, I went into the kitchen and threw the letter into the fire of the hearth. Motionlessly I watched how the words were slowly eaten by the flames. But I still could see them clearly in my head.

 _Family sticks together, little sister._

* * *

 _ **March 1785**_

Three months passed, without any more noteworthy events. The whole homestead had been glad about the unexpected blessing of supplies that had taken away all of our concerns and had led us through the winter. I stayed the only person who knew, who had brought it and I didn´t know what to think about it. No matter if he had helped us or not, I doubted that Ray had got the food legally. But when I looked into the happy faces of my friends and their children, I tried to suppress these thoughts. By now I was a master in it anyway.  
When the snow began to melt in mid February, it seemed like the whole homestead and the nature would take a deep breath and in the end of March, spring had finally arrived. It was still cold but it was far more pleasant to be outside. The first flowers were timidly stretching their heads out of the ground and the air was filled with the voices of the birds, which had been silent over winter. As often as possible I used little breaks to have short walks through the homestead, to enjoy this newly awakened world. Sometimes I just felt shut in at home and I needed fresh air to breathe. But above all, I wanted to evade Connor.

With the disappearance of the snow, his motivation had returned to chase my brother´s gang. He scarcely spoke about it but he spent much time in the cellar, where he had pinned maps of the surroundings on the wall and had marked every previous whereabouts of the gang. He had made the fort in Boston stand out in particular and sometimes he thought about travelling to it, but above all he wanted to find Ray and as long as he didn´t know where to find him, he didn´t want to set off. I was glad about it because I feared what could happen, if they met each other. Connor had promised me that he wouldn´t harm Ray, if it wasn´t necessary. But who could know what Ray would do? I had the certain feeling that I could lose one of them, or maybe even both and so I just wished that they would never meet each other. But certainly this wish was never going to be fulfilled. Not if Ray kept doing for what I should hate him.

When I returned from one of my walks one evening, I found the door to the cellar open, but because I didn´t hear any sounds, I curiously went downstairs. Connor was standing in front of the wall with the maps, with his back to me and his fists propped up on the table in front of him. His chin was resting on his chest, he was standing there like a statue and he even didn´t move as I walked down the staircase and approached him.  
"Connor?"  
He winced slightly and glanced at me over his shoulder, before he straightened up and turned to me.  
"I am sorry, I did not hear you coming downstairs."  
"I can understand that. I´m moving as light-footed as an old nag." It was a pathetic try to be funny, but at least the corners of Connor´s mouth twitched lightly and brightened up his serious expression for a split of a second. But his internal tension was noticeable even from the distance.  
"What´s wrong with you?", I asked, took a few more steps towards him and looked at him concerned. Connor pressed his lips together with my question and evaded my gaze for a moment.  
"I do not want to worry you", he murmured and my eyebrows rose.  
"As if it would reassure me, if you tell me that you don´t want to worry me." I lightly shoved my hand against his chest, so that he looked at me again. "What is it? Did something happen?"  
Connor hesitated, before he finally came out with it. "I heard that Jarvis' gang has acted again."  
"They attacked another village?" My heart sank with this imagination and I had to suppress the tremble in my hands. I had hoped so much that they had left over the winter months.  
"No village." Connor´s face darkened and anger flared up in his brown eyes. "Their attacks were in several districts of Boston They robbed houses, attacked soldiers and even blew up a warehouse at the harbour. Six persons died."  
"And they didn´t get caught? What about their fort in the city?"  
Connor shook his head. "They already left it long ago and nobody is able to pick up their trail. Some people even say that were like ghosts, but ghosts who want to deliver a message."  
"What kind of message?"  
"Nobody knows. They never say it, but now they are openly mentioning the name Raymond Jarvis. He and his men are adhering to their crimes and nevertheless, nobody is able to get hold of them."

Connor´s gaze was turned to a spot over my head and it looked like he would see the evil itself there. He was angry and I understood why. It seemed like Ray´s gang was getting out of control and so did my brother. Never before people had died during their attacks, but now they had risked it on purpose. What kind of man had my brother become? And what kind of person was I, that I still couldn´t hate him? Why couldn´t I finally realize that my hope, that Ray hadn´t changed that much, was just childish and naive? Why couldn´t I allow Connor to take care of him?  
 _Because he´s still your brother and you love him._  
As I took a shaking breath and had to suppress a sob shortly afterwards, Connor looked at me again.  
"Lillian, I am sorry. I really did not want you to..."  
I raised a hand and shook my head. "It´s alright", I whispered and tried to smile. "I wanted to know it."  
"But I should have considered that it still could be your brother we are talking about." Connor grabbed my hands and ran his thumbs over their backs. "I know that you think that it is not him and in face of the current events, you should stick to it. You know your brother better and when you say that he is not a cruel man, you should not give up this thought."  
I swallowed heavily and couldn´t look into his eyes. He was encouraging me to stick to hopes he wasn´t sharing and which had left me long since anyway. Slowly I shook my head.  
"Connor, I...I know..." I faltered and closed my eyes for a moment to order my thoughts. To search for the right words. "I know that it´s him. I know...that my brother is the leader."  
I looked at Connor again and saw confusion in his eyes. Then something like distrust and it let my heart sink again.  
"How do you know that? Why do you think that so all of the sudden?", he asked slowly. "You were so convinced of the opposite."  
"I know", I said quietly and lowered my eyes again. "But I thought about it and everything is so obvious."

Connor didn´t say anything about it because basically I had told him what he had already known. I didn´t dare to look at him. I had evaded him again and hadn´t told him the whole truth. I felt more than uneasy in this situation and so I did the only thing I was able to do right now. I fled. Like a coward.  
Carefully I freed my hands from his grip and raised my eyes only shortly to murmur: "I´m tired and will go to bed. If Caleb and you want something to eat...you know where everything is."  
I barely noticed Connor´s short nod because I had turned away already and went upstairs. In the bedroom I got changed, closed the curtains and went to bed. I was really tired but in face of my rushing thoughts, I couldn´t fall asleep. Furthermore the child in my belly made itself felt, now that I was coming to rest. It was wriggling as if it wanted me to lull it to sleep again with my own movements. So I lay in the semi-darkness with open eyes, caressing my belly and watching how it became darker around me and listened to the noises in the house. I could hear the muffled voices of Caleb and Connor from the kitchen, then eventually Caleb´s stumping steps on the staircase and the closing of his room door. Connor´s steps soon sounded on the hallway and because I had turned my back to the door, I just heard it open and close.

I heard how Connor slipped out of his clothes and put them on the chair by the washstand, probably as tidily folded as always. The mattress yielded as he lay down and a cold breeze brushed my back when he lifted the blanket and slipped underneath it. He moved closer to me and I winced lightly as he stroked my hair aside and kissed my nape.  
"Can you not sleep? Do you think about your brother?", Connor asked quietly and I didn´t even asked myself, how he knew that I was still awake.  
"No", I answered shortly and tried to ignore his last question. "I think the baby doesn´t want it."  
I felt Connor´s breath in my nape as he chuckled and I shivered involuntarily.  
"May I?", he asked and wordlessly I felt for his hand and laid it on my belly. It seemed like this touch was the cue for the child. As soon as Connor´s hand was laying on my belly, it struck against the abdominal wall and made its father laugh. A week ago it had made itself felt noticeably for the first time and especially for Connor, it had been a special moment. Over months he had only seen my belly grow, but to finally feel our child had made him beam with joy. Sometimes I hadn´t got his hands away from my belly. Also now he seemed to be entirely happy to be in contact with the little thing under my heart and I believed that it felt the same.

"Ouch", I uttered as the baby kicked into my kidneys and Connor pulled his hand away.  
"Does it hurt?", he asked appalled but I shook my head.  
"Not so badly. Sometimes it´s just a bit unpleasant. I think sometimes it´s obvious who the father is."  
"Why?"  
"Because I have the feeling that it considers my organs to be templars and wants to fight them with kicks and strikes. Like its assassin daddy."  
"Fighting spirit is always a good thing", Connor smirked and I could really hear his fatherly pride.  
I rolled my eyes and snorted. "Not if my inside is the enemy."  
Connor carefully laid his arm around my hips and turned me on my back. Confused I looked at him but he moved a bit downwards and I held my breath, as he laid his head on my chest and tenderly caressed my belly. In a gentle voice he said something in Mohawk and stayed like this for a moment, entirely silent. He could certainly hear my rushing heartbeat, but I enjoyed his touch and not only I did. Whatever Connor had said, the baby only kicked against my abdominal wall one last time, before it came to rest.  
"What did you say?", I asked and Connor sat up, just to lay down next to me again.  
"I told it that its mother needs to sleep to keep her strength, so that she can give birth to it."  
He tenderly kissed my forehead and as I turned on my side and curled up a bit, he laid an arm around my hips and leaned his chin against my head. I felt his heartbeat against my back and was shrouded in his scent and his warmth I loved so much. But I wasn´t entirely able to enjoy his closeness. The whole time I thought of how happy he was, although he was holding a cowardly liar in his arms.


	25. Chapter 25

_**Reviews:**_

 **MohawkWoman:** _Unlike Freedom, this story has no end as far as I have planned it. I just decided to write as long as I have enough ideas and we will see what will happen and how everything will end. For me the best way to end this story would be an end with Connor and Lillian, sitting in front of their house and watching their grandchildren play. ^^ But we´ll see._

 **tina:** _At least someone who is feeling with her. ^^ I can remember that most of the German readers were a bit upset about her behaviour. But unfortunately (or maybe not unfortunately) it´s a part of her personality. When it comes to people she loves, she isn´t able to make wise decisions._

 **Luthlien:** _No need to apologize. ;)I hope I´m able to do a drawing of the little angel (that´s how Lillian calls it) once. Then you could see how I´m imagining...it. Oh, it´s so hard to keep that to myself. :D_

* * *

 **Collapse**

The next day I was sitting with Maria in front of her house in the spring sun and watched her sewing a tiny bonnet made of fine linen for the baby. Even though I had already some things in the closet which Myriam had let me have from her son, Maria insisted on contribute something, too and as long as she was taking pleasure in it, I wouldn´t stop her. While she was attended to her task full of devotion, I was lost in my thoughts and so I didn´t notice as Maria paused and talked to me.  
"Sorry, what did you say?", I asked in confusion and Maria raised an eyebrow.  
"I said that I have some blue lace somewhere. Shall I sew it to the hem?"  
"Yes, I´m sure it will look pretty", I murmured, looking at the piece of fabric in her hand.  
Maria laid the bonnet on her lap with a sigh and moved her chair closer to me. "What´s wrong with you?", she asked and earned another confused gaze.  
"What should be wrong with me?"  
"You´re acting strange for days now. I have never seen a pregnant woman who is looking like you a few weeks before the birth. Are you not well? Or did something happen? Are you afraid of the birth?"  
"No." I squinched up my face and stared at my over my belly folded hands. Her questioning look was unpleasant to me. "Everything´s fine. I just have backache, that´s all."  
"Backache? And that´s why you´re having a face as long as a fiddle?"  
When I didn´t answer but began to tug at the pleats of my skirt, Maria uttered an annoyed sound and put the bonnet and her sewing utensils back into the basket next to her, before she entirely pulled her chair next to mine and put a hand on my arm.  
"What is it? Is it about Connor? Did you have a fight?"  
I shook my head silently.  
"But it is about Connor, isn´t it? I´m able to tell that from your face."  
I exhaled with a hissing sound and raised my eyes, let them roam uneasily over our environment, before I looked at Maria whose concern was visible in her face. Now or never.  
"I lied to both of you", I said in a quiet and broken voice. Maria frowned.  
"What do you mean?"  
I ran my shaking hands through my hair and stared at a spot next to Maria´s head. Why did it feel easier to tell her the truth while I couldn´t tell it Connor? Would I be able to do it, if I had told her everything?  
"On the day when I rode to Boston, I had no accident", I started slowly and finally told Maria everything that had happened this day and especially in the fort. I also told her about Ray´s message at the cart and that I had kept it to myself. She listened to me attentively, didn´t interrupt me once. But when I had ended, she lowered her eyes and for a while nobody of us was saying a word and my uneasiness grew. The whole time I´d had a guilty conscience because I had lied to Connor, but I had behaved wrong towards Maria, too. I had lied to her so that I could lie to Connor. What a great friend and wife I was.

"I´m sorry", I broke the silence and Maria raised her head. I couldn´t guess what she was thinking or feeling, but she didn´t look angry.  
"Why did you lie in the first place?", she asked quietly and I shrugged my shoulders. It was sad but I didn´t know a satisfying answer to this question.  
"I was afraid of Connor´s reaction", I said hesitantly. "When I set off, I hadn´t thought about it and I had never expected that I would really meet Ray and when it happened...I didn´t know how to deal with it."  
"And that´s why you´re lying?"  
"I think I just got myself into a mess", I murmured and kneaded my hands uneasily.  
Maria sighed. "That´s one way to put it. That really was the most stupid thing you ever did."  
I couldn´t even disagree with that. I could have spared myself the trouble, if I would have been honest to myself. But even though I began to understand this, I still had to talk to Connor and I still was afraid of it. But I couldn´t avoid it any longer.  
"I will go and talk to him", I said quietly and more to myself, but Maria nodded. When we stood up, she pulled me into a short embrace.  
"Everything will be fine again. Everybody makes mistakes once in a while."  
A faint smile flitted across my face, but her words would only reassure me, when I had get this conversation with Connor over and done with and when he had accepted my confession like Maria did.

During the whole way home, I tried to think about the right words, tried to plan what to say. But I couldn´t. But why should I anyway? You couldn´t plan such conversations because I didn´t even know how Connor was going to react. I had to await everything and that was frightening me even more. The closer I came to the manor, the more hesitant my steps became but they entirely died away as I saw two strange horses by our stable. I had the feeling that I had seen them once and I was seized by a bad feeling. Hesitantly I entered the house and listened. I could hear Connor´s muffled voice coming from the cellar and when I came closer to the slightly open hidden door, I could understand what he was saying.  
"...cannot risk it and we should not underestimate them, too. We have to be careful, they must not detect us. Janet´s and your visit certainly has startled them up and that is why they left the fort."  
My hackles rose. Janet and you? Janet and Duncan? Was Connor down there with...  
I uttered an appalled scream as it rattled loudly in the kitchen next to me. I startled back from the door and stared into Caleb´s face, who was standing by the shelf with the dishes, a broken plate to his feet.  
"I´m sorry. It slipped out of my hand", he mumbled remorsefully while I just stared at him with wide eyes and a rushing heartbeat.

I had barely moved away from the hidden door, as the conversation downstairs had ended and I heard steps on the staircase. Shortly afterwards Connor was standing in front of me and looked at me with his head cocked.  
"Is something wrong?", he asked and my gaze flitted shortly back and forth between him and the door. No Duncan in sight.  
"Yes", I croaked, cleared my throat, forced myself to smile and pointed at Caleb in the kitchen. "I´m just a bit jumpy."  
Connor took a step forward and glanced through the door at Caleb, who was still standing there and appeared like he didn´t know if he had to expect a scolding. But Connor didn´t say anything and I certainly didn´t feel like it. I just stared at the man in front of me whose gaze turned to me again and who knitted his eyebrows.  
"Are you sure that you are alright?"  
"Yes, of course. Why not?" The words came over my lips so fast that they seemed to blur into a single word. It seemed like they weren´t quite convincing either because Connor just looked at me sceptically, but couldn´t say anything.

Steps sounded behind him and shortly afterwards and to my horror, Duncan Little appeared in the doorframe. "We should set off, before...", he stopped in the middle of the sentence as he saw me. Surprise was written in his face, then he frowned in confusion. As well as Clipper Wilkinson, who was also coming upstairs now. They stared at me while I wished that the ground would swallow me.  
"What...are you doing here? I thought...", Clipper asked in confusion. His gaze flitted to Connor who didn´t seem to understand what was happening. He looked back and forth between me and the assassins, frowning.  
"You know each other?"  
"Yes of course." Duncan took a step forward. "This...", he unnecessarily pointed at me. "...is the British assassin we told you about. Janet Pierce! Who just disappeared without saying a word."  
I had the feeling that I was shrinking as three pairs of male eyes turned to me, all of them totally confused. At least Connor was the first who woke up from his confusion and again somebody was pointing at me.  
"You have to be mistaken", Connor said slowly. "This is Lillian. My wife and certainly not an assassin."  
Clipper and Duncan were looking at Connor, as if they thought that he was playing a bad trick on them. But he didn´t and it was on me to resolve the whole thing.  
"He isn´t mistaken", I said and my voice was nothing more than a whisper. Connor´s head whirled around to me, as I kept talking. "I borrowed weapons from you, rode to Boston and passed myself off as Janet Pierce so that they helped me to get into the fort."  
Now I was the one who was supposed to be playing a bad trick. An unpleasant silence spread, during which I didn´t dare to raise my eyes to look at the three assassins. The tension in the air was almost seizable.

"Go to the horses. I will come after you", Connor instructed the others in a dull voice. They didn´t react in an instant but finally they went down the hallway wordlessly and disappeared outside through the front door. It was silent again, but this time I dared to raise my eyes and to look at Connor. I could see several different emotions in his face and all of them didn´t made me feel comfortable. Disbelief, confusion, but also disappointment and suppressed anger. It seemed like he couldn´t decide in favour of one of them and his voice sounded strained when he asked: "It was a joke, was it not?"  
But you could hear that he wasn´t expecting a confirmation. I silently shook my head. Connor took a deep breath, stepped forward and glanced into the kitchen. Caleb had run off by now and maybe it was better like that. As Connor turned towards me again, the confusion had disappeared from his face at least.  
"You want to tell me that you armed yourself, rode to Boston and entered a guarded fort with my brothers? Not to forget that you are saying, that you have passed yourself off as somebody you are not."  
I nodded. That was a good summary of my crimes but not complete at all.

Without waiting for Connor to ask for it, I began to tell him everything. I told him about Sam Adams' message, my panic reaction to ride to Boston, about my siege of the fort, how I lied to the assassins, the intrusion of the fort, my encounter with Ray and how he broke my wrist and I told him about my hasty return to Davenport, so that my pretence didn´t get revealed. So he also learned about the true reason for my sudden change of mind regarding Ray and I also didn´t keep from him, that Ray had left the food for us, together with a message for me. Like Maria, Connor listened to me without interrupting me. But his reaction was entirely different from hers. While his face had been just marked by disbelief before, the disappointment and anger were now obvious. Every fibre of his body was tensed and he was clenching his jaws. He seemed to be struggling with his emotions and so he didn´t say anything as I had finished. He just stared at me and I became smaller and smaller under his gaze. Why didn´t he say anything? He could shout at me, if he wanted to. But please, why was he just staring at me?

"I´m sorry. I...", I started, but Connor raised his hands. His eyes were sparkling in anger.  
"What are you sorry for?", he uttered between clenched teeth. "For endangering yourself? For endangering _others_? You were lying shamelessly to my brothers and endangered them. Duncan thought you were a fighter. If it had come to a fight, he would have relied on your backing which you were not able to give." With his hands on his hips, he began to walk back and forth, shaking his head in a slow rhythm. "Then you are even intercepting letters that were meant for me. But I think all of this is not the worst."  
He stopped and put his head back with a bitter smile. "The worst is that you have lied straight into my face. Every time I talked about your brother, you pretended that you did not know anything. And as I told you about Janet´s "appearance", you acted surprised." Connor laughed bitterly and shook his head again. "You know, I always thought I could see when you are lying to me. But actually I already experienced what a good actress you can be, if you want to. But I had never thought that you could use that against me." He looked at me and I saw the bitter disappointment in his eyes. "I trusted you, Lillian and you lied to me. For eight months. Why?"

While he had begun to speak, I had already fought against my tears. His voice had never become loud but the audible disappointment and anger were terrible enough. I had never wanted all of this. I had never wanted to disappoint and anger him. I hadn´t lied because of bad intentions, but it didn´t make it better. And how should I explain it to him? While the tears ran silently over my cheeks, I was struggling with my words. I didn´t know what to say.  
"I wanted...", I stammered with a shaky voice. "I didn´t thought. I...I wanted to be certain about Ray. When I knew where he was, I couldn´t stand it to stay here. I wanted to know, if Adams' words in his letter were true. I hadn´t planned to go into the fort, but when the others came...I saw a chance..."  
Connor snorted. "A chance? To kill you all? If you had told them who you really are, they would not have brought you into the fort, but they would have tried to help you anyway."  
"But I had to see Ray with my own eyes! I didn´t want to rely on tales anymore."  
"And why did you not tell the truth later on? When you were certain and had been lucky things didn´t turn out worse? It is bad enough that you have lied to them but what made you lie to me, too?"  
And that was the crucial point. I doubted that I could give him a satisfying answer to this question. I even hadn´t been able to answer it to Maria. But I had to answer him. He had to understand that I hadn´t wanted to hurt him because in face of the way he was looking at me, he seemed to doubt that.  
"I didn´t know how to deal with the certainty", I started shakily and struggling against my tears. "I was afraid. I had the feeling, that when I would tell it anyone, I could lose either Ray, or you or both of you. I wanted to tell you but when you told me about this meeting, where those men were killed...I couldn´t do it anymore. You were so angry about Ray and...I knew that you would search for him, find him and call him to account. And I couldn´t accept this thought."  
"He is a criminal", Connor uttered slowly and it didn´t look like he was showing much understanding for my words. "He destroyed many lives and he has to pay for it."  
"He is my brother!", I replied and couldn´t prevent that my voice broke with tension. "No matter what he did, he helped us. Maybe he even saved the life of our child. Do you think I could have got through the winter much longer?"  
"Do you think he bought the supplies legally? Open your eyes, Lillian! He is a criminal. A murderer and a thief and even if he is playing the compassionate, he stays a murderer and a thief. He supplied us with food he had stolen from others. Is this your imagination of a caring and loving brother?"  
"Stop it!" I was almost screaming at him. "I know what he did. But it doesn´t change that he is my brother and I love him. I don´t let myself be talked into something else by someone who killed his own father!"  
Connor´s eyes widened, as well as mine as it became clear to me what I had just said. I covered my mouth with my hands and took a shaking breath, while Connor was standing in front of me as if he was rooted to the spot.  
"Connor...I...am so sorry. It...it just slipped out. I didn´t want..."  
I approached him and wanted to grab his hand, but he abruptly pulled it away. He was trembling and his breath was coming in short puffs while is expression hardened more and more.  
"It seems like there were many things you did not want", he growled. "You are surprising me over and over again, Lillian. Justify yourself and your brother to someone else. Somebody who killed his father is the wrong person to talk to."  
With these words he turned away and went to the front door with wide steps.

I winced as the door slammed shut behind him and shortly afterwards, I began to cry at last. But I wasn´t able to move. Trembling and sobbing I stood there, although I just wanted to run after Connor and apologize. Why had I said this? Why had I hurt him so much, even though I had wanted to prevent it? I had made everything worse.  
Suddenly my legs felt too weak to carry me and I slowly sank to my knees, wrapped my arms around my torso, as if I could prevent my heart from tearing apart. I had destroyed everything. Everything could have been perfect, we could have been happy, but I had lied and had confronted Connor with one of his worst memories. Out of anger and rashness. I hadn´t wanted to hear what he´d had to say about Ray, although I knew that he was right. The whole time I had been afraid of losing him but in the end I pushed him away myself.  
Whimpering I laid my hands on my belly as I felt a light kick in it. Did the baby feel that I was beside myself? Did it even listen to the quarrel? Could it notice what was happening around it anyway?  
"I am sorry", I whispered and my tears fell on the backs of my hands. "I am so sorry. I didn´t want this to happen."  
For a while I sat there like this, slumped, crying and caressing my belly. I barely noticed how the front door opened until suddenly Maria laid her hands on my shoulders. She talked to me, but at first it was like I would hear her words through a thick wall. I could hardly hear her until my mind cleared reasonably and I raised my eyes to look at her. I saw panic in her eyes.  
"Is something wrong with the baby? Are you in labour?", she asked me but I wasn´t able to answer her question.

"He is gone", I croaked. "I finally scared him away."  
Maria appeared to be confused at first, but then the panic vanished from her eyes. She saw that I wasn´t sitting here because I had been surprised by sudden contractions.  
"So he didn´t take it well?", she asked and I shook my head while I was shaken by another sob.  
"We argued about Ray and then I...I told him that I wouldn´t listen to somebody who killed his father. You should have seen him. He was so..."  
My voice broke as I was finally seized by hysterical crying. Connor´s face and his words, before he had left, were so clear in my head. I really saw him in front of me and I wished I could take back everything. That I hadn´t behaved so stupid. But it was too late. I had known that trust was one of the most important things for Connor. He didn´t give it to everybody and I of all people had destroyed it and had disappointed him.

"Lillian, you have to calm yourself", Maria said softly and helped me to get on my feet. She had to support me because my legs weren´t able to carry me. I barely noticed how she led me along the hallway and upstairs. Neither how she sat me down on the bed, took off my shoes, laid me down and covered me with the blanket. I kept crying to myself while she was talking to me reassuringly and stroked over my hair. Eventually the door opened and Dr. White entered the room, followed by a pale Caleb.  
"I wanted Caleb to bring him here as I thought you were in labour", Maria explained to me, somewhere at the corner of my mind. When I didn´t react, she looked at the doctor and just explained him shortly what had happened. Dr. White left the room and returned with a cup shortly afterwards. Maria helped me to sit up and I was told to drink the content of the cup. That it would calm me. I did it without protest and also didn´t squinch up my face as a spicy and bitter taste lingered on my tongue. Dr. White said something about some herbs and that the beginning of their effect was going to take some time. I didn´t care. I was still crying to myself and I was still crying as Dr. White and Caleb left and only Maria stayed to watch beside my bed.  
"Everything will be fine again", she whispered but I couldn´t believe her. I still saw Connor´s face in front of me, as I fell asleep.


	26. Chapter 26

**I didn´t want to hurt you**

When I woke up, I was alone. I didn´t know how long I had slept. A few hours? A whole day? I just knew that I was totally exhausted. My eyes were sore, my head was hurting and my mind was empty. The only thing I could think of was the fight with Connor, my offending words and his angry leaving. To think of it made the pain come up again, but I couldn´t cry anymore. I had no tears left and so I lay silently in the bed and stared motionlessly at a point of light on the wall. I neither moved as the room door opened and Maria appeared in my vision shortly afterwards, a tray in her hands which she put down on the bedside table. She silently sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at me, while I was still staring at the wall. Maria sighed and took a bowl from the tray.  
"Come, sit up and eat something", she said softly but I shook my head.  
"I´m not hungry." My voice was so hoarse, as if I suffering from a cold. My throat felt like this, too.  
"But you have to eat something to keep your strength up", Maria replied insistently. "Think of your child."

These words had an effect. Slowly I sat up and took the bowl with mush. Silently she watched me how I pushed spoon after spoon into my mouth, chewed half-heartedly and swallowed. "What time is it?", I asked between two spoons.  
"Midday. You slept for almost a whole day."  
"And Connor?" My voice became shaky with this question and Maria looked at me, as if she was expecting another collapse.  
"He´s not back yet", she said quietly but added quickly: "Caleb said that he and the other assassins set off to the frontier. It seems like there is a trace to the gang. I´m sure he will be back soon."  
The spoon landed with a muffled sound in the half empty bowl. So Connor had set off to search for Ray´s gang, shortly after we had argued about him. A true irony of fate. Would Connor face Ray now more than ever? Just to show me that I was wrong about him? I doubted it, but I hadn´t a good feeling either. Furthermore I doubted Maria´s last sentence, too.  
"Why should he come back?", I asked with a dull voice. "I destroyed everything and he is angry with me. If I were him, I wouldn´t come back."  
At first Maria stared at me with wide eyes, but then she uttered an irritated snort.  
"Oh, stop it. You made a mistake, yes. It´s understandable that Connor is angry. But this is his home. You are his wife and you are expecting his child after all. He loves you and he loves this child. No matter what you did, he has every reason to come back."  
She took the bowl out of my hand and glanced into it sighing, before she pushed the cup, that also had been on the tray, into my hand.  
"Now drink something and rest. You need it and I will tell you, when Connor returns."

But he didn't. I spent the rest of the day in bed, slept for a few hours once in a while, but as the next morning dawned, Connor still hadn´t returned yet. I couldn´t stay in bed anymore and spent another whole day with walking restlessly through the house and over the manor´s land, always hoping for Connor to come home. But another restless night passed before Cobalt was standing in his box in the morning. But his owner was nowhere to be found. So Connor had returned but he had neither said a word to anybody, nor had he shown up in the house. He even wasn´t in the cellar and so I went down to the homestead and began to search for him there. But nobody had seen him. He really had disappeared off the face of the earth and I had to pull myself together not to break out in desperate tears again. When I returned to the manor, I sat down on the stairs to the front door and buried my face in my hands. By now I had lost every hope for a conversation and reconciliation. Connor had just disappeared without telling anyone and I doubted that he had been needed somewhere in the frontier, like on the day of our wedding. _He is finally gone._  
A sob found its way through my throat, but I bit my bottom lip to hold it back. If I didn´t, Maria would confine me to the bed again and would give me something to calm me. But for me there was no reason to calm down. I had brought all of this on myself and I had to take the responsibility. Even if it meant this terrible mental pain.

As a shadow appeared over me, I abruptly raised my head and looked into the bearded face of Robert Faulkner. Pity lay in his eyes as he looked down at me and I lowered my eyes again. I didn´t need pity. I neither deserved it.  
"Oh, lass", Faulkner murmured and sat down next to me. I straightened my slumped torso and stared straight forward, while Faulkner was scrutinizing me from the side. I didn´t want to sit here like a picture of misery, although I was one. Furthermore I didn´t want anybody to talk to me about Connor. I didn´t want to hear wise advices. But Mr. Faulkner was silent at first and I wasn´t quite sure why he had sat down anyway. As well as I didn´t know how to break the silence. But I didn´t have to.  
"How´s the little mite?", Faulkner asked almost in passing but also a bit uncertain. It seemed like he didn´t know what to say, too.  
"Fine", was my short answer and from the corner´s of my eyes I saw, how the sailor nodded slowly. Silence again, before Faulkner began to speak again.  
"When I met Connor, he appeared like a lost little boy to me", he started to tell me without any connection. "He was totally wet behind his ears and I had never believed that he could become a good sailor. Let alone a captain. But he surprised me because he has a strong will. He knows what he wants and is stubborn enough to stick to his aims. Unshakable like a rock. That´s his strength, but also his weakness." He looked at me. "He´s angry and offended because he thinks that your doings were wrong. He can´t understand why you did it."  
"When did he talk to you about it?", I asked.  
"Tonight, shortly after his return. He didn´t talk about it exactly. He just told me that you had lied to him and had abused his trust. I just put two and two together."  
My heart contracted. I knew that I had done that, but to hear it from somebody else as a report of Connor´s words, was painful. I bit my bottom lip to keep me from crying.  
"You know, I don´t want to judge. That´s none of my business. But when I see you sitting here and know how the captain is, then I think that it´s my duty as a friend and as the person who married you off, to give you a push into the right direction." Faulkner patted my arm and when I raised my eyes, he was giving a crooked smile. "Go to him, lass."  
"But I don´t know where he is. I was looking for him everywhere."  
"Well, I´m sure you haven´t looked everywhere. I had to promise the pighead that I won´t tell anybody where he is, but when I tell you that he is neither running around in the frontier, nor getting plastered in the inn, you will find out on your own where he is hiding."  
The old sailor patted my arm again before he stood up, quietly groaning and went to the homestead with unhurried steps. I looked after him silently while thinking about his words. Now I knew where Connor was, but should I really go to him? What should I say to him? And what should I do, if he didn´t want to talk to me at all? But I had to try it. I wanted to try it.

Determined, but also a bit hesitant, I followed the path to the bay. It was deserted. No sailor was here and I could only hear the sea and the seagulls in the sky. The Aquila was silent, too, its deck was empty as I climbed the plank on its side and stopped insecurely. I looked at the door to the captain´s cabin and although I couldn´t know it for sure, I felt that Connor was here. Slowly I approached the door and the sound of my shoes on the deck seemed to be incredibly loud in my ears. Did Connor guess who had just entered the ship? Slowly I raised my hand and knocked hesitantly at the door. No answer. I knocked again, louder this time, but again there was no answer. But I didn´t want to let myself be swayed by it. I closed my eyes shortly and took a deep breath, before I laid my hand on the handle and opened the door.

My heartbeat quickened up as I really saw Connor. He was sitting on the chair behind the desk, leaned back, the legs crossed on the tabletop and staring at his left hand. The hidden blade on it made a regular, scraping sound as he let it snap in and out, over and over again. He didn´t look at me, and had only turned his profile to me. But I could see this tensed expression about his mouth anyway. I closed the door behind me, made two steps into the small room and stopped, looking at him with uncertainty. I almost expected him to react on my presence. That he threw me out maybe. But Connor did nothing. He just sat there and was entirely concentrated on his blade. Was this is way to tell me that I should leave?  
"Connor, I...I want to talk to you", I said quietly and began to knead my hands, while Connor still wasn´t showing a reaction. He just ignored me and it almost made me angry. But I held this anger back because now there was no place for hurt pride. I stepped to the desk and propped up my hands on it.  
"Please. No matter what I did, I don´t deserve that you´re ignoring me."  
It wasn´t a reproach, it was almost a desperate plea. A plea that had an effect. Connor pressed his lips together shortly, before he let the hidden blade snap in for one last time and looked at me. Still wordless but at least he was noticing me now. I tried to smile, but I failed. I could still see the anger and disappointment in Connor´s eyes, even though they weren´t as strong as two days before. But it was enough that they were there.

"I am sorry", I started quietly. "I am sorry that I reproached you for your father´s death. I am sorry that I lied to you. I am sorry that I have hurt and disappointed you." I swallowed heavily as tears rose into my eyes again and lowered my eyes, so that he couldn´t see it. If he thought that I was an actress, he shouldn´t think that I wanted to lull him with my tears.  
"Believe it or not, but I have never wanted this. I never wanted to hurt you and I certainly didn´t intend to abuse your trust. But when I started this lie, it was a panic reaction. I didn´t think about it. I just wanted to prevent my brother or you from getting harmed."  
Connor uttered a snort but he didn´t say anything, so that I kept talking.  
"I know that you can´t understand it. You´re right when you say that Ray has to pay for his crimes. I know that he has to. But no matter what he did, he is and he stays my brother. I tried to hate him for his crimes, but I couldn´t. I grew up with him. He was my only friend and when I thought that he was dead, I mourned him. It tore my heart apart because with him, I had lost another part of my family. But when I finally knew that he´s alive, I couldn´t wish him something bad. I can´t."  
When I had ended, Connor looked at me frowning, his lips pinched. I would have liked to know what was going on in his head.

"So that justifies your lie?", he asked slowly and I shook my head.  
"I can´t justify that I have lied to you. It was wrong. But I want you to understand how I´m feeling for Ray and why I can´t share the same opinion about him like you do. At least not entirely and if you want to be angry with me because of that..."  
"It is not just about that", Connor interrupted me, put his legs off the table and finally turned to me, his elbows propped up on the tabletop. "I understand what you are feeling for your brother. You hope that everything will come to a good end for everyone. But for me the situation with your brother is less important at the moment. For me it is only about your lie."  
In his eyes the anger had finally made room for the disappointment and my heart contracted with the sight.  
"You practically lied to me every day over the last eight months. You smiled at me, embraced me, kissed me, but always kept up this lie. You are one of the few people I am trusting, Lillian. I thought you were honest to me, like I am honest to you. How can I trust you when I know that you are not?"  
He wasn´t able to hide anymore how hurt he really was. His brown eyes were sad as they looked at me. And I? What should I say? I never wanted to lie to him again but to say this now, would sound wrong and forced.  
"I don´t know", I whispered and couldn´t stop a single tear from running over my cheek. Connor lowered his eyes.  
"I thought so", he murmured and we were silent for a moment. I didn´t know what to think about this situation. If Connor really believed that he couldn´t trust me anymore, the basis of our relationship had broken away with that. After all, Connor had told me once that he needed to trust someone, before he could open himself to this person.  
 _And you have destroyed it. Well done, Lillian._  
I gulped. "And what shall we do now?", I asked in a hoarse voice while I ran my hand over my eyes and wiped the rising tears away. Connor just silently shrugged his shoulders and I finally had the feeling that I had lost him. He sat there, kneading his hands, his eyes lowered, the shoulders slumped. Obviously not able to look at me.

"I know that I hurt you", I said quietly. "I can´t make it up again. I can just apologize and say that I´m sorry." I took a shaking breath and looked down at my hands which were still resting on the tabletop. "I can understand, if you can´t trust me anymore and so..."  
Shakily I raised the hand on which I was wearing my wedding ring and pulled it off my finger. The metal made a quiet clicking sound as I put the ring on the table and now I couldn´t hold back my tears anymore. I didn´t know when exactly I had made this decision. It was just there. If I had abused Connor´s trust, it was just fair when left. "I don´t want to hurt you again."  
Connor had raised his head far enough to stare at the ring in front of him. He reached out his hand for it and began to turn it between his fingers.  
"What is that going to be?", he asked disbelievingly and looked at me.  
"You said that you don´t know if you can still trust me. I always see your face in front me, when I reproached you because of your father. I will never see you like this again because I love you too much. But that´s exactly why I should leave."  
My voice sounded shaky but I was totally convinced of my own words. I didn´t want that Connor was always forced to remember my lies and words when he saw me and because I was to blame for everything, it was just fair when I was the one who left.

Connor just looked at me silently, the ring enclosed by his hand by now and because I took his silence as a confirmation, I squared my shoulders and turned away. I went to the cabin´s door, put the hand on the handle and hesitated. But Connor didn´t react and so I opened the door with a heavy heart and left the cabin. I left the Aquila, followed the path to the manor and finally found myself in the bedroom. An incredible emptiness spread inside of me as I let my gaze roam through the room. I regretted my decision but because Connor hadn´t said anything about it, I was sure that it had been right, even though it was terribly painful. But our promise of marriage hadn´t said "Till death does you part" but it had said "as long as it is your wish". How could Connor wish to live with a woman who had disappointed him as much as I had?

I dragged a chair closer, climbed on it and took the suitcase, with which I had returned to America, from the closet. I wouldn´t pack up much because I didn´t want to stay here for too long. I just hoped that I could stay at Maria´s for now. At least until the baby was born and I could see how to go on. Maybe I could go to Boston. Buy a little house somewhere and...I sobbed and the suitcase fell out of my hands and banged onto the floor as I covered my face with my hands. What had I done? I had turned off my mind, had lied to beloved persons and now I was basically left with nothing. My child was everything I had left and everything I had done, was worse for it than it was for its father.  
I was seized by hysterical crying again, like I had been two days ago. The tears ran unstoppably over my cheeks and my sobbing made my whole body tremble. I was helplessly exposed to my feelings, until suddenly two hands were laid on my shoulders. I thought it was Maria, who wanted to care for me again, but as I took my hands from my face, I only saw a broad chest in a white shirt at first. Trembling I raised my eyes and grey ones, red from crying, met brown eyes, in which I saw an expression of conflicting feelings.

"Stop crying", Connor said in a hoarse voice and really shook me slightly. "Whatever you were thinking, it is nonsense. I do not want you to go. I do not want _both_ of you to go."  
I sobbed quietly and tried to keep control of my voice. "But I treated you badly. I destroyed everything, especially your trust. How can I expect you to stay with me?"  
Connor took a deep breath and shook his head. "That you lied to me hurt me, that is true. But it does not change my feelings for you and it certainly does not mean that I do not want to stay with you anymore." He put a hand on my cheek and wiped a tear away with his thumb. "But I will need time to assimilate everything. I cannot forget all of the sudden and let everything go on as usual. You have to let me have this opportunity."  
"So you don´t want to dissolve our marriage?", I asked hoarsely.  
Connor shook his head. "You are a fool if you think that."  
He grabbed into the pocket of his coat, took out my wedding ring and put it on my finger without hesitation.

Without more words, he pulled me into his arms while my mind still hadn´t assimilated what he had just said. Had he really decided that I should stay with him? After everything that had happened?  
Hesitantly, as if I was expecting a rejection, I wrapped my arms around his torso and leaned my head against his chest. I listened to his heartbeat, breathed in this wonderful, manly scent of his and closed my eyes while the last tears were running over my cheeks. We stood there like this for a while, motionless and silent. Only after half an eternity, which appeared too short for me in the end, Connor pulled away from the embrace.  
"There are some things I have to do in the frontier and Boston´s surroundings. I do not know how long I will be away, but I think for now it would be good for both of us, if we have some distance from each other. There is much I have to think about, but I promise that I will come back. Alright?"  
I nodded because I had nothing to say against it. When he said, that he needed some time, I would give it to him. For me it was only important that I hadn´t lost him and so he could have as much time and space for himself as he wanted...with exceptions.  
"But don´t stay away for too long", I said and laid a hand on my belly because there weren´t much weeks left before the birth of our child.  
A faint smile appeared on Connor´s lips. "Nothing could make me do that."


	27. Chapter 27

_This is a very short chapter, but certainly the one I loved to write the most. ^^ Enjoy.  
_

* * *

 **Tekwanonwerá:tons**

Connor was gone for about two weeks and I missed him terribly. But he had been right. This time of distance did us good and I used it to think about the events of the last months. Now that everything had been said, it was much easier for me and I was able to see the doings of my brother in a different light. But I couldn´t change my opinion of him. I neither wanted to rack my brains over him, if it wasn´t necessary. This brooding had caused all my problems after all and had made me risk my marriage. If Connor would finally forgive me, it was everything that was really important to me.  
But when Connor returned, we didn´t fell happily into each other´s arms. Our greeting was rather restrained, but not in an uncomfortable way. We didn´t talk about the past. During the day as well as in the nights, when we were laying in bed next to each other, we only shared timid touches and kisses occasionally. It was almost like during the time when we had fallen in love with each other. A hesitant approach to one another and there was nothing wrong about it. In the contrary. We had to come closer to each other again and I knew that especially Connor needed this space and I was more than willing to give it to him. We both wanted to look forward.

Also Caleb was noticeably relieved about it. I hadn´t talked to him, but I knew that he had suffered under Connor´s and my fight as much as we had, even though he didn´t know exactly what it had been about. But he had told Maria that he had feared that our family would break apart and that he could lose one of us. Now that everything was fine again, the eleven-years-old appeared entirely relaxed and pleased. He spread his familiar happiness and seemed to be more eager to help me than usual. I wasn´t able to do the housework without difficulties anymore. Sometimes I was out of breath when I had just reached for the shelves to put the dishes back after cleaning them. My belly was really hindering and Caleb had appropriately mentioned once that I was looking like I had swallowed a pumpkin. Sometimes that was exactly how I felt. But no matter how exhausted I was and no matter how much my occasional backaches were plaguing me, I never lost my excited anticipation of the baby. Even as my backache became worse one day.

At irregular intervals I felt an unpleasant ache in my back, but also in my groin. When I was moving it was reasonably bearable and so I tried to spend my day as usual. When I sat down to rest, I tried to massage the aching spots or I lay down for a moment, to relieve my back. All of that was more or less helpful, but as I went to bed in the evening, I could fall asleep at least. But this sleep didn´t last long.  
I woke up because of a painful ache in my lower body and I couldn´t hold back a pained groan. I laid my hand on my belly and sat up. The pain slowly subsided, but I didn´t feel like I could lie down again and sleep. I pushed the blanket back, sat on the edge of the bed and stayed there for a while, before I stood up. That was when it happened.  
I just heard a quiet splashing sound and felt how a warm wetness trickled down my legs and gathered around my feet. Totally taken by surprise I stared to the floor, but because of the darkness around me, I couldn´t see anything. But I was seized by a pain again, which seemed to contract my whole belly. I gasped and supported myself with the bedside table, before my legs could give in. Only now Connor seemed to notice that something was wrong.

I heard the rustling of the blanket behind me as he sat up and shortly afterwards his sleepy voice sounded behind me. "What is it?"  
"I think you have to go and get Dr. White and Diana", I uttered between clenched teeth.  
"The doctor? Diana? Wh...?", he paused and I heard hectic movements behind me, before the oil lamp on the bedside table was lighting up and Connor kneeled down behind me.  
"Are you sure?", he asked excited and I would have liked to roll my eyes.  
"No, I´m just imagining it. Go back to sleep", I mocked but had to gasp in pain again. That seemed to be Connor´s cue. Still in bed he leaped to his feet and had jumped over the foot to the floor shortly afterwards and hurried to the room door.  
"I will be right back!", he told me unnecessarily, before he disappeared. I couldn´t help but asked myself what Diana and the doctor were going to think, when suddenly a half-native, only dressed in pants, was knocking on their doors in the middle of the night. I wanted to laugh with the thought, but it became stuck in my throat because of the lasting pain. Trembling I sank back onto the bed and tried to remember what Diana had told me about the birth. I had to keep a regular breathing. Couldn´t be so difficult. I tried it and concentrated on every single breath I took, but I had to pause as I suddenly heard Caleb´s worried voice behind me.  
"What is it?", he asked and as I looked at him, he appeared totally sleepy.  
"Caleb, could you please put on water?", I asked as calm as possible and first he just looked at me uncomprehendingly, before he seemed to understand and hurried to the staircase.

I concentrated on my breathing again, until I heard steps on the staircase again and Diana entered the room shortly afterwards, followed by Dr. White and Connor. The latter appeared terribly tensed and dogged her every step, as she went to me and made me lie down again.  
"Easy, just relax", she said with a smile although I had been more than relaxed to my own surprise. Diana pushed both pillows under my head and winced slightly, as she turned around and almost barged into Connor. She put her hands on her hips with an indignant snort, before she pushed herself past him, grabbed his shirt that was hanging over a chair and threw it to him.  
"You better go outside", she said strictly and I saw how Connor´s expression slipped away.  
"But...I want to stay with her", he uttered but Diana had already grabbed his arm and dragged him to the door.  
"Men are responsible for making children. Giving birth is a woman´s job. Lillian will manage it and we are here, too."  
Connor gave me an almost helpless gaze and I tried to smile at him, but it turned out quite forced thanks to another wave of pain.  
"It´s fine. Don´t worry", I said, but while I looked into his nervous face, I started to become nervous, too. But maybe it would be really better, if Connor wasn´t in this room. I could see his reluctance, but he obeyed and left the room, before Diana closed the door behind him.

* * *

In the end, I didn´t know how long I had been in labour, but the sun was already high in the sky as Dr. White told me that I had given birth to a healthy girl with a pair of strong lungs. I could only hear her cry while Diana washed her, wrapped her in a cloth and carried her to me.  
"Well, it seems like the father is quite obvious", she said with a wide smile, before she gave me the little bundle and I could see my daughter for the very first time. I beamed and carefully let a finger stroke over the little cheeks. She really was a tiny version of Connor. Her skin was only a few tones lighter than his, she had a tuft of black hair on her head and as she opened her eyes shortly, they were just as brown as Connor´s.  
He was now let in by Diana and Dr. White, who left the room and closed the door behind Connor. He was like rooted to the spot at first and stared at me and the bundle in my arms. I asked myself who of us was looking wearier. Him or me? Later on I learned that Connor had spent the last hours with walking furrows into the floor. Maria, who had come to the manor by dawn, even had been forced to hold him back from time to time, when he had wanted to push the door open and storm into the room, when he had heard me scream in pain. He was still looking tensed, but when he made some hesitant steps towards the bed, this tension vanished more and more.

When he sat down on the edge of the bed and could also look into the tiny face of his daughter, his eyes lightened up. Carefully he reached out a hand and stroked over her cheek, like I had done it before.  
"Are you fine?", he asked and looked at me.  
"I am", I said with a smile. I was exhausted but the joy, I was feeling, was making up for this exhaustion. I turned my gaze back to the baby in my arms, constantly smiling. The little girl opened her eyes blinking and seemed to look at us curiously.  
"Look at her", I whispered. "Isn´t she beautiful?"  
Connor nodded, a happy and proud smile on his lips. "May I?", he asked quietly and raised his arms slightly, now looking a bit insecure.  
"Of course." I handed him our daughter and Connor took her carefully into his arms, as if he feared that he could break her. But his smile became almost ecstatic while he looked down at her and I had to smirk about this sight. It was almost unreal. This bear of a man, who was able to execute several man in a minimum of time, was sitting there entirely calm and had a baby in his strong arms, with an expression that could make you doubt that he was capable of emotions like anger or aggressiveness at all. He looked more peaceful than he had been for a long time and that made me even happier.

"She still needs a name", Connor said and looked at me smiling. I sat up and cocked my head.  
"Well, I thought we already chose one."  
Connor smirked. "As long as you do not want to give her four names."  
I chuckled and rolled my eyes. Connor had never been able to understand why I was having four names, the names of my grandmothers among others. I would have liked to give my daughter the names of important persons, too. But I obeyed Connor´s incomprehension. A Mohawk-name for our child had never been under discussion, even though I had expected that it would be important to Connor. But he had never brought it up and seemed to be more than satisfied with our final decision.  
"So she has a name?", he asked and I nodded smiling. Connor leaned forward to me and tenderly kissed my lips, before he looked down to the baby in his arms again, bent over her and murmured:  
"Tekwanonwerá:tons, Emily." _(Welcome, Emily)_

There was a silent knock on the door and as it opened, Diana pushed her head through the opening and looked at us with a smile. "I just wanted to see if everything is alright, before I go."  
"Everything is fine", I answered. "Thank you for everything, Diana."  
"You don´t have to thank me for that." She glanced at Emily and now entered the room and closed the door behind herself. "You should nurse her as soon as possible, by the way", she said and stepped to the bed.  
"Already?", I asked with wide eyes and Diana smirked slightly.  
"Of course. What is said against it?"  
"Well..." Uncertain I looked at Emily who was calm in Connor´s arms. "Is she already able to drink?"  
Diana looked at me confused for a moment before she chuckled, went to Connor and carefully took the baby off his arms. "Of course she can. You just have to give her the breast correctly and she will do the rest on her own."  
Still a bit uncertain, I loosened the laces of my night gown´s neckline and let Diana lay Emily into my arms. Hesitantly I laid her to my breast but at first I thought, that she was already asleep and didn´t notice anything. But then she opened her mouth and with some help, she began to drink, smacking quietly.  
"See", Diana said. "It´s not so difficult."

* * *

Eventually Caleb had come hesitantly into the room, too, to greet the newest member of our family. You could see that he was a bit overwhelmed by this situation, but when he saw Emily, he was absolutely convinced that she smiled at him and that made the boy beam. He didn´t dare to hold her, but I didn´t like to give her away anyway, after Diana had laid her into my arms again. I could have spent hours with holding her, rocking her lightly and caressing her little cheeks. Emily seemed to enjoy it because she quickly fell asleep in my arms, obviously as exhausted from the birth as I was.  
I only handed her over, as I stood up to wash myself, but only then I noticed how exhausting the birth really had been. I was glad as I could go into our freshly changed bed. Maria brought me a bowl of soup which I ate hungrily, before I snuggled up in the pillows again and looked at Connor with a smirk, who was sitting by the cradle Emily was laying in. He had dragged a chair next to it and had propped up his elbows on his knees and his chin on his hands, while he was watching over his little daughter´s sleep with a dreamy smile.

"Do I have to become jealous?", I asked mockingly and he looked at me smirking. Shaking his head he stood up, looked into the cradle once again and came to me. He laid down on the bed, bent over me and blew a kiss on my forehead. His lips brushed over my temple, down to my cheek and made my heart flutter as they stopped over my own lips.  
"Thank you for making me this gift", Connor murmured and involved me in a deep kiss. Our distance of the last weeks was forgotten because it seemed like it had needed this little wonder to finally show us that we didn´t want to be separated.  
"I love you", I whispered and tenderly ran my fingers through his hair.  
"I love you, too." Connor laid down on his back, pushed a pillow into his nape and pulled me closer, so that I could bed my head on his chest. "Rest", he murmured and kissed my hair. Sighing quietly I closed my eyes and let myself become lulled by his warmth and his gently caresses. This day was going to stay forever in my memory as one the luckiest in my life. I had given birth to a wonderful little girl and could finally say with certainty that I had the most wonderful man by my side, who I loved with all my heart. And with this thought and a smile on my lips, I fell asleep.


	28. Chapter 28

_**Reviews:**_

 **tina:** _Yes, and you where the only one who was right. Congrats. :D_

 **Luthlien:** _Thank you. ^^ It´s my favourite, too. It was so much fun to write. And yes, Emily really is her father´s daughter. At least when it comes to her appearance. But I guess her personality is a good mixture of both of her parents. ^^  
_

 **MohawkWoman:** _Thank you so much for your review. It made me smile and laugh. I laughed so hard about the imagination of Connor running naked to Diana and Dr. White. I was sitting in the car next to my father and he was...confused. But this thought never came to my mind and it´s so funny. Just imagine it! xD But I think Lillian would have called him back or at least she would have tried. Contractions or not, she can´t allow anyone to see the private parts of her husband. ;P  
_

* * *

 **Family bonds**

 ** _June 1785_**

Emily really was a gift. Every time I looked at her, I was seized by pure joy and I would love to hold her in my arms the whole day, cuddling her and hugging her and just never let her go. I practically had been taught to be a mother. But it had almost appeared like a duty to me and I had never learned what it really meant. How it felt and I had never been able to imagine it either. But now I knew that it was one of the most wonderful feelings on earth, even though I doubted my own abilities sometimes.  
It came to light that Emily was a child who was literally screaming for attention and soon I was helpless as well as clueless, because especially during the first days after her birth, I found it difficult to find out what she wanted from me. When I noticed that her napkin wasn´t full, I wanted to give her my breast, where she often cried even louder and obviously wasn´t hungry. Then there was nothing else left than to hold her in my arms and rock her, talking quietly to her and waiting for her to calm down. Once I even had been so desperate that I had gone to Dr. White because I had thought that she was ill. But he had reassured me at least, that she wasn´t. The mothers in the homestead were giving me more or less helpful advices, how I could calm Emily, but most of the time I was on my own. Understandably Connor stayed out of everything about Emily´s care. He was generally more reluctant towards her as I would have expected it after her birth. When he was holding her in his arms, he was very loving and gentle, but sometimes I saw a thoughtful expression flitting over his face and I began to ask myself, if it was somehow nagging him that his first-born wasn´t a boy. But I never asked him about it. I just hoped that he wouldn´t behave towards her like my father. He had hugged me sometimes and had told me that he loved me, but when I had come to him and had asked for attention, he had always turned me away or had ignored me completely. It had hurt me, but in the end I had received more love from my father that I could have expected it as a girl and an only child.  
But basically and in all fairness, Connor could use it as an excuse that he had other concerns beside his offspring at the moment. He was often in the frontier, sometimes for days, always searching for my brother and his gang and every time Connor came back home, he was certain that the noose was going to tighten soon. That he was close to find the men and especially Ray. But nobody knew how close he actually was.

In a late evening in mid June, about two months after Emily´s birth, I was sitting in the light of an oil lamp in the parlour, my feet comfortably propped up on a stool and Emily laying at my breast. The little one had closed her eyes and uttered a quiet, satisfied smacking from time to time while she was drinking and I gently ran my fingers through her dark shock of hair. Only when I heard how the front door opened and closed again, I raised my eyes and saw a figure in a white coat flitting past the door, whose path was leading directly to the cellar.  
"Well, look who just came back", I murmured to Emily. "He´s gone for three days and we can barely save ourselves from his tumultuous greeting."  
As if she had understood, Emily uttered a quiet gurgle, before she continued satisfying her hunger. I smirked. "You don´t let yourself be swayed anyway, don´t you?"  
I started my gentle caresses again, until Emily turned her head away from my breast and her mouth opened to a silent yawn. I decently laced up my neckline again, lifted Emily to my shoulder and stood up carefully. "So let us go downstairs and see what your father is doing", I said quietly and went to the slightly open hidden door which I opened with my foot.

Connor stood by the wooden table and had bent over a map. I saw his finger running over the yellowed paper and his lips forming words silently.  
"And how close are you this time?"  
Connor raised his eyes only shortly as I asked this question and his eyes narrowed in face of my slightly sceptical tone.  
"It is not easy to get closer to them, but now I know what they are planning next and I will pre-empt them." His voice was full of determination and so I held back any kind of doubting statement. I knew the last part of his sentence too well by now.  
Slowly I stepped to Connor, stopped next to him and glanced onto the map in front of us. It didn´t look like a normal map. The lines, that could have been streets, were connected to each other almost arbitrarily, crossed at different spots and rarely had descriptions.  
"What is this?", I asked and bent forward a bit to read the few descriptions. But they were totally unreadable for me.  
"A map of Boston´s underground tunnels." Connor ran his flat hand over the map, as if he could remove the creases from the paper like that. He pointed at a spot on the map and followed a line from there northwards. "This tunnel leads from the south-western end of Boston underneath the State House. They want to use the tunnel to intrude into it and to attack the government officials there."  
"They want to attack the seat of government of Massachusetts? Are you sure?"  
"Very sure." An expression of grim satisfaction appeared on Connor´s face. "But they will not expect us to be there and stop them. We will make them tell us Jarvis' hideout and as soon as we got him, everything will be over."  
"And what makes you think that they will tell you it right then? At least you were confronted with them quite often already and never learned something really helpful."  
"Maybe I did not ask correctly", Connor mumbled as an answer and began to roll up the map of Boston´s underground tunnels. I kept a reply to myself. I didn´t want to know what he thought how the correct way had to be like.

"Has everything been fine here?", Connor asked, while he put the map to other rolled up documents and finally turned around to me.  
"As always", I said shortly and waited for him to ask for Emily´s wellbeing, who was moving her legs from time to time and had buried her by my hand supported head in my shoulder, entirely calm and peaceful for now. But Connor didn´t say anything like that. But at least he stepped to me and briefly stroked over Emily´s cheek, whereupon she tried to turn her head into his direction.  
"She always wants to know what is happening around her", I said with a smirk and looked at Connor, who was watching our daughter with his head cocked, having this strange expression on his face again. I suppressed a sigh and tickled Emily´s head lightly, while I wordlessly went to the staircase and upstairs again. Connor followed me.

"In two days I am going to ride to Boston", he told me and when I glanced at him over my shoulder, his mind already seemed to be there and probably fighting the unavoidable fight.  
"Then you should use your time until then to gather your strengths. You´re already looking tired", I replied and stopped on my way to the staircase, as Connor answered.  
"I will. I wanted to go to bed now anyway. Mr. Faulkner needs my help on the Aquila tomorrow."  
A smirk flitted across my face when an idea came to my mind. I turned around to him.  
"If you go upstairs, could you take Emily with you and lay her into her cradle?", I asked and gained a confused gaze.  
"Why? Did you not just want to bring her upstairs anyway?", Connor asked and I had to pull myself together not to roll my eyes and to keep my smile up.  
"Yes, but I wanted to eat something, too and furthermore wanted to go to the stables. I still have some food for Noir in the kitchen. If you´re going upstairs anyway, you can bring Emily to bed. I have taken care of her, so you only have to lay her down. Is that too much to ask for?"  
My husband´s gaze flitted to our daughter who was almost sleeping on my arms already. He didn´t seem to be sure about an answer, but he finally gave in.  
"No, of course not", he mumbled and my smile widened.  
"Thank you." I carefully handed him Emily, who opened her eyes shortly, as her head came to rest on Connor´s shoulder and his chin brushed her forehead. She uttered a quiet, gurgling noise, before she yawned and closed her eyes again.  
"She´s feeling comfortable with you." I briefly stroked her cheek, before I laid my hands on Connor´s arms and kissed him gently. "I will come after you as soon as possible."  
I barely understood Connor´s mumbled answer, but he had already turned around and went upstairs with slow, careful steps. I looked after him with satisfaction. I hoped that we would lose any kind of uncertainty, which he was probably feeling towards Emily, when he was alone with her. Although if it was only for a few minutes. Normally I was always with them and sometimes had the feeling that he was relieved when he could give Emily back to me. No matter how much he loved her. I didn´t expect him to take care of her day and night. That was my task. I just wished that Emily wasn´t going to feel like me one day and wished that she had known her father better. My father´s death had been an unexpected tragedy. I always had to fear that Connor´s life could be ended soon and what was going to be left of him for Emily then? The feeling that she hadn´t been really acknowledged because she wasn´t a boy? I didn´t want that and I doubted that Connor did.

I went into the kitchen, took a slice of bread and ate it standing up, before I grabbed the bowl with rests of meat and bones which I wanted to bring to Noir. When I wanted to leave through the front door, I paused. Emily´s crying sounded from upstairs and my first impulse was to go to her in an instant, but I didn´t. Connor was with her. She was nursed and I doubted that she already had a full napkin. She only needed to be calmed down, as always before she finally fell asleep and Connor had seen how I did it often enough. He actually should be able to do it on his own. Nevertheless I stayed for a moment and waited if Connor would call for me. But he didn´t and although Emily was still crying, I opened the door with a heavy heart and slipped outside. Connor wouldn´t ignore her and let her cry. At least I hoped so...  
I hurried to the stable and was greeted by Noir, whose tail began to lash back and forth in excitement, as she noticed the bowl in my hand. "Enjoy, girl", I smirked and stroked over her back, as she began to eat. I just wanted to go back, as she raised her head in a jerk and looked to the house. A muffled growl escaped her throat and made me wince.  
"What is it?", I asked but Noir had already stormed away. She didn´t bark but her whole posture was lurking and tensed when she stopped half way to the house and stared into the darkness. The moon was lightening the landscape but I couldn´t see anything that could have startled Noir so much, as I stopped next to the tall dog. With my hand on her nape, I let my gaze roam over the tree line next to the house. I had a bad feeling, but I couldn´t see anything and anybody.  
 _Maybe she has just smelled a racoon or another animal_ , I tried to calm myself and glanced at the dog. She still uttered a growl from time to time, but she seemed to relax already.  
"Well then, girl. Go and enjoy your dinner." I patted her side and pointed at the stable. Noir obeyed and slowly walked back. Whatever she had noticed, obviously it wasn´t worth the trouble. Taking a deep breath and thinking of Emily, I returned to the house. I didn´t notice the tied package in the shadows aside the staircase.

In the hallway I stopped for a moment and noticed with satisfaction, that Emily´s crying had ended. Nevertheless I was a bit hesitant as I went upstairs and opened the door to the bedroom.  
"Is everything al...", I paused and a moved smile appeared on my lips as I looked at the bed. There was Connor laying relaxed on his back, Emily laying on her belly on his chest. He had spread the blanket over them and his hand was resting on Emily´s back protectively. Both of them seemed to be soundly asleep. It was such a harmonious sight that I wished I could capture it somehow and I really didn´t want to disturb them.

I got changed quietly and prepared myself for the night, before I went to the bed and kneeled down in front of it. I gently ran my fingers through Connor´s hair, bent forward and kissed his temple. Blinking he opened his eyes and his hand moved to Emily´s head, as if he wanted to check if she was still there.  
"It seems like I can leave you alone", I smirked and watched Connor running his fingertips through his daughter´s black hair.  
"She began to cry and I took her onto my arms and rocked her, like you use to do. But she only calmed down when I lay down with her", he explained whispering and I uttered a chuckle.  
"Well, maybe she takes after me in this respect." Smirking I played with the braid on his temple. "It´s always easier to me, to fall asleep when I can cuddle up to you."  
An amused sparkle appeared in Connor´s eyes, before he looked at Emily who was still asleep. I followed his gaze and we watched her sleeping for a while, while I enjoyed this warm feeling that was seizing my body. How much I loved these two people.  
"I will bring her to her cradle", I said quietly and carefully pushed the blanket aside, to lift Emily likewise carefully. Our little girl moved her legs and arms shortly, but stayed asleep. Carefully I carried her to her cradle and kissed her hair, before I laid her down gently.  
"Sleep well, my angel", I whispered and stroked over Emily´s cheek again, before I went back to the bed and lay down to Connor. I turned off the light and loved to let myself been pulled into Connor´s arms. This really was the best place to fall asleep and forget every thought about supposed racoons by the house.

* * *

The package, I had failed to notice, was found by Caleb in the morning. It contained my tricorn and the dagger I had borrowed from Connor. I had lost them in the fort. Connor´s anger about my brother grew immensely when we became aware that Ray had sneaked to our house again without being caught by us. I for my part felt sick with the thought that he probably had been close to me, when I had gone to Noir. Even the beautiful wooden figure of a horse, which had been in the package for Emily, couldn´t change that. Connor threw it into the fire of the hearth, where it burnt slowly and crackling quietly. My husband forgot every duty towards Mr. Faulkner and the Aquila when he set off into the frontier, hoping to find a trace to Ray. I stayed behind with mixed feelings and tried to concentrate on my housework. I swept the whole house, cleaned the kitchen and finally went outside to sweep the stairs which were leading to the front door. I was entirely engrossed in my work and only paused from time to time to attend to Emily, who I was carrying in a large scarf in front of my chest, where she was laying like in a bag, protected, totally calm and sleeping most of the time. I didn´t notice the person, who was approaching me from the forest and watched me for quite a while. Only when I was done and supported myself with the broomstick to run my hand over my sweaty forehead, I noticed it from the corner of my eye.

I winced appalled, whirled around and stared at the person, who was standing only a few metres away in the shadows of the trees, entirely motionless. Because of the wide cape I couldn´t see anything of this person, but I knew who was standing in front of me anyway.  
"Ray?", I uttered and the person moved, straightening up but not making an attempt to come to me. My gaze flitted into the direction of the homestead, to the stable, to the house and to the bay. I didn´t see anyone who could have helped me, if it should become necessary, but nevertheless I approached the person hesitantly.  
"Ray, is it you?", I asked with a shaky voice and stopped when I was three steps away from him, my hand laying protectively on Emily´s head.  
"It´s nice to see you again, little sister."  
An ice cold shiver ran down my spine as I heard this rasping voice, which I had already heard months ago in the fort. Nothing about it reminded me of my brother´s voice or a human voice at all, but it belonged to him.  
"Please, don´t be afraid of me. I won´t harm you. I couldn´t", Ray said and although it was difficult for me, not to be afraid, I tried to calm myself. I tried to remember that he was still my brother. No matter what he had done. I tried to remember our childhood. His untroubled laughing, the stories he had told me and the countless times when we had sneaked into the kitchen to feast secretly on freshly baked biscuits. It really helped me to suppress my fear of him somehow.  
"What do you want here?", I asked and tried to glance underneath the hood at the same time, but I failed. Ray´s whole body seemed to be covered by this cape and I asked myself, why this was the case.

"I want to talk to you", he answered. "I wanted to try it earlier, but it was always...inopportune. Especially because I had your husband on my back."  
My gaze roamed over our environment again. Connor could be close right now, too, but what would happen, if he would meet Ray now? But the better question to ask was: What should I do? Did I want to talk to Ray? What could he have to tell me anyway? Would he try to clear himself of his crimes? Did I want to hear anything from him? I was only sure that I didn´t want to make him think that he was in control of this conversation. It only depended on my good will and so I knitted my eyebrows and looked at him as cold as possible.  
"What do you want to talk about? About your crimes?", I asked sharply, but it seemed like Ray wanted to ignore this question. He made a step towards me and didn´t care that I flinched back. He reached out his arm and I winced, as the wide sleeve of his cape revealed a terribly scarred hand. There was not a single piece of healthy skin and I asked myself again, what had happened to Ray.  
He pushed the scarf aside, in which I was carrying Emily, so that he could look into her peaceful face.  
"A pretty child", he said quietly. "A girl, isn´t it?"  
I nodded and Ray pulled his hand back. "I´m glad to see that you obviously found your luck. I was always sorry for you, that you were pushed and commanded around. I had never thought that you could ever free yourself from it, but you did. You married far below your class and above all, somebody who will never fit into the usual society. I´m proud of you."

His tone was neutral, even though I was inclined to expect mockery in it. Something that told me that he didn´t mean what he said. But he seemed to be serious about it. I just didn´t know what to reply. Silently I was standing in front of him and wasn´t able to keep up my cold facade anymore. Now I was insecure, but Ray wasn´t impressed by it again.  
"I´m sorry by the way that I broke your wrist during our last meeting. I didn´t know that it was you and I was shocked when I recognized you. Did you find the package with your things?"  
I nodded silently again and thought of the little wooden horse Connor had burnt. It had been a well-intentioned gesture from Ray, as well as the food in the winter.  
"Thank you for your...gifts", I uttered but Ray shook his head.  
"You don´t have to thank me. You are my sister. Especially in winter I couldn´t allow that you were wanting for anything."  
His words made me hope again. Hope that he hadn´t changed that much. But then I remembered what I had learned about him and his men and I suppressed every hopeful thought.  
 _He´s a criminal. A murderer and a thief._

"Why are you doing all of this?", I asked, entirely incoherent. "Why are you commanding your men to attack and kill people? The food you brought us was stolen, wasn´t it?"  
Ray was silent at first and it annoyed me that I couldn´t see his face. I wanted to guess what he was thinking, so that I was able to react to it. I had to be careful with what I said, but at the same time I hadn´t the feeling that I had to be afraid of him. But I needed my question to be answered.  
"It´s necessary", Ray started. "If we don´t do it, they will never understand and they will keep sinking into the marsh of their betrayal. Nobody of them is innocent. Neither are your friends, although I wouldn´t have ordered the attack, if I had known that you´re living here."  
"What are you talking about?", I hissed. "What do they have to understand? What are they guilty of? You don´t know my friends! None of them has ever done something bad!"  
"You weren´t here", Ray growled and now I was feeling fear. "They are all rotten to the core. All of them. Even your husband, of whom I wished I could have protected you. If I had known what Nathan wanted to do to you, I would have told him that he should bring you to me. But this bastard had his own plans. I could have protected you. From everything. Even from your child."

I froze. What was he talking about? Why did he want to protect me from Emily?  
 _He´s insane_ , I thought and moved back from Ray, my arms wrapped around Emily, who was asleep luckily.  
"You are afraid of me", Ray said flatly. "You don´t have to be afraid of me, Lilly. Not you. You are innocent. You don´t belong to them. I want to protect you. I even punished Nathan for what he did to you."  
"What do you mean?"  
If I let him talk, maybe I would be able to keep walking towards the house and away from him. Maybe I could play for time until somebody came down the path.  
"He pranced around like a rooster and boasted that he had paid some whore back for refusing him and letting herself be mounted by a savage instead. I thought nothing of it at first, until I learned that he was talking about you." He made a step towards me. "I couldn´t allow anybody to talk about my sister like that. So I let him pay for it." A guttural and hoarse laugh sounded and went right through me. "He will never come too close to a woman again, Lilly. You can be sure of that."  
"What have you done?", I whispered. "Did you kill him?"  
Ray shook his head. "No. Much better. I let him be tied up like a pig with spread legs and cut off his prick and his balls with a sharp knife. Snip, snap." He moved his index and middle finger like a scissor and I felt sickness rising up. "I gave him both to eat and then I let him rot in the sun. You should have seen him! How he wailed and whimpered. Begging me, but it only took half a day until the crows feasted on him." Ray laughed again and I finally had enough.

"You are sick!", I uttered and ignored that Emily started moving uneasily. "I don´t want to hear anything more from you! No matter what you have to say, you are not my brother! The Ray I know would have never harmed anyone and he certainly wouldn´t have talked about it as if he had enjoyed it."  
I kept stepping backwards and Ray followed me immediately. "But Lilly...", he said quietly and reached out his hand for me.  
"Go", I hissed. "Clear off and never come back again, you bloody bastard."  
As I kept retreating from him, Ray stopped this time and despite his hood, I knew that he was staring at me. I had called him by the insult, which was already accompanying him his whole life, on purpose. But I didn´t care. I just wanted him to leave. I hadn´t learned much, but his behaviour and especially his words about Nathan were finally showing me, that this wasn´t my brother anymore. This man was an ice-cold killer and probably not in his right mind either.  
"Clear off!", I repeated and almost screamed this time. Emily finally began to wriggle and cried shortly afterwards. I gently pressed her against my chest while I walked sideward to the house, not turning my eyes off Ray, who was standing still in the shadows of the trees.  
"You will talk to me. You will understand", I heard him saying, but I didn´t reply anything. I just watched him turning away and walking into the forest.

Almost relieved I turned away and hurried to the house. "Where is this goddamn dog?", I murmured as my gaze fell on the stable. Caleb probably had taken Noir with him on some expedition, although she was supposed to watch over the house.  
After I had gone through the front door, I kicked it shut with my foot and went into the kitchen. There I lifted Emily out of the wrap, bedded her in my arms and began to rock her calmly.  
"Hush, my angel", I whispered and kissed her soft cheeks, while she was still crying loudly. I regret having scared her. But I had the feeling that I wouldn´t have been able to get rid of Ray otherwise. Now I tried to calm her, but inwardly I was entirely troubled myself. Ray´s words remained a mystery to me and a shock at the same time. I had hoped for so long that he wasn´t a bad man. I had always heard about his doings from others. Now he had allowed me to gain an insight into his unscrupulousness on his own. No matter how much I had detested Nathan and no matter how much I had wished that Connor would let him pay for what he had done to me: What Ray had done to him was barbarous and got me to only one thought:  
 _My brother is a monster._


	29. Chapter 29

_**Reviews:**_

 **MohawkWoman:** _Of course it isn´t said that Lillian is right about her thoughts about Connor´s behaviour towards Emily. ;) There will be an explanation later on in the story. But it will take a while until then. Honestly, I didn´t write it yet. :D  
_

* * *

 **The end of all similarities**

Luckily it didn´t take long until Emily had calmed down. I carried her upstairs and lay her into her cradle, hoping to get some time for myself like that, so that I could have some peace on my own. I closed the curtains and left the door slightly open, before I went downstairs and sat down at the table in the kitchen. My face buried in my hands, I thought back to my conversation with Ray. I just couldn´t realize that my brother had changed so much. What was necessary to make a man change his whole personality and lose his mind? What was going on in Ray´s mind? What was he reproaching the people he was harming for and why did he want to protect me from them? He even talked about protecting me from Emily. A child. An innocent baby. He was totally insane. But was this realization satisfying? Not really, but there was no use for racking my brains anyway. I just hoped that Connor wouldn´t use it against me again that I had talked to Ray at all. Maybe I should have screamed in panic for the whole homestead to hear...

I ran my shaky hands through my hair and commanded myself to pull myself together and to distract myself with work. There was nothing else left anyway. So I started with the preparations for dinner, but was interrupted as Emily´s crying sounded. I went to her, cared for her, laid her back into her cradle and stayed with her, until she had returned into the world of dreams. She had just fallen asleep when I heard steps on the staircase, but when I left the bedroom, I could only see and hear how the door to Caleb´s room closed.  
"I hope for you that you haven´t smuggled anything into your room again", I said towards the door but didn´t get an answer.  
 _If he had done something wrong, he would have protest already._  
Shrugging my shoulders I went downstairs again. Caleb was quite rebellious recently and the last thing I needed was an argument with an adolescent. As long as he hadn´t taken anything from Connor´s arsenal, I didn´t care why he had retreated into his room. I attended to the preparing of vegetables again, as the front door was opened shortly afterwards. Or rather: It was slammed open, according to the loud bang as it hit the wall.  
"Lillian?", Connor´s worried voice sounded and finally his hurried steps in the hallway, after I had given a reply.

He appeared tensed and also hounded when he stopped in the doorframe and let his gaze roam through the room at first, before he finally looked at me, who was sitting at the table with a grim expression, pushing a bleeding forefinger into her mouth. The banging of the door had startled me so much that the knife had slipped away.  
"Are you well? Is he gone?"  
I didn´t even ask whom he was talking about. The pain in my finger became irrelevant in an instant and I angled for a clean rag from the shelf behind me, to wrap it around my wound, while I answered.  
"Nothing happened. He was just in front of the house and wanted to talk to me. We spoke shortly, I sent him away and went inside again."  
Connor frowned. "Where did he go?"  
I shrugged my shoulders. "Into the forest. I didn´t pay much attention to it. I doubt that you will catch him. It´s a bit more than an hour ago."  
"And you where here in the kitchen for the whole time?"  
His question confused me, as well as this alarmed expression in his eyes, but I nodded slowly.  
"I was upstairs with Emily for a few minutes but beside that, I was here."  
"And nobody came inside?"  
"Caleb did, but he disappeared in his room without talking to me. He didn´t come downstairs since then either."

Connor´s expression hardened when I said this, he put a hand on his tomahawk and turned away in the next moment. Surprised by this reaction, I leaped onto my feet and followed him.  
"What´s wrong?", I asked and Connor stopped at the landing of the staircase, looking upstairs.  
"Some homesteaders saw a stranger in a cape coming here a few minutes ago", he said quietly and looked at me seriously. "And Caleb is by the mill."  
When is words reached my mind, it felt like an ice cold hand was seizing my heart.  
"It wasn´t Caleb?", I whispered with my eyes wide in shock, as it became aware to me that my brother probably had come back, had sneaked into the house and had hid in Caleb´s room, before I could see him. If this was the case, he was still upstairs. As well as...

"Emily!"  
Connor couldn´t grab me in time, as I pushed myself past him and ran upstairs. I almost stumbled, but I wanted to get into our bedroom as quickly as possible. I had to make sure that my baby was fine. I pushed the slightly open door entirely open and stayed in the doorframe like frozen. By my daughter´s bed stood Ray, looking down at the little sleeping girl, while he was gently rocking the cradle with one hand.  
"You were always sleeping so peacefully, too, when you were so little", he said in an almost scarily calm voice. "Sometimes I sneaked to your cradle because I wanted to know what was making the difference between the legitimate child and the...bloody bastard. You weren´t different from me. Only the fabrics you were wrapped in were made of the finest materials."  
I didn´t know what to say. My only impulse was it, to drag him away from Emily, as far as possible. But something inside of me was telling me that I shouldn´t act rashly. I didn´t know what Ray was probably capable of, especially when I thought of his last words from our previous conversation.  
 _You will talk to me. You will understand._  
That´s why I held Connor back, as he wanted to push himself past me and into the room. His hand was still laying on his tomahawk and according to his expression, he would have liked to keep Ray away from our daughter, but probably he would do it less gentle than I would. But luckily he obeyed my silent request, although he wasn´t thrilled by it.

Ray in comparison was entirely unmoved by our tension. He kept rocking Emily and neither raised his eyes as he continued talking.  
"I wanted to hate you at first. Sometimes I wanted to grab you and throw you out of your cradle." I winced as Ray bent down and lifted Emily out of her bed. She lightly kicked her legs, but stayed asleep. I was glad about it. Ray only held her on one arm and went with unhurried steps to one of the windows. I had to seize Connor by his sleeve, when he wanted to jump towards my brother and gained a protestant noise for it.  
"Ray, please", I started, totally unimpressed by it. "Whatever you want to tell me, we certainly can continue our conversation downstairs. Let Emily sleep in peace."  
I was surprised myself how calm my voice sounded, even though I was inwardly struggling against my panic. I didn´t want this man to hold my child. I didn´t want him to be close to her at all. But it didn´t seem like Ray was impressed by it.  
"You just sent me away. Called me a bloody bastard, like your mother, our father and your governess did. Even though you used to be different than them. You never were condescending to me and that´s why I loved you as my little sister. I never wanted to harm you, but you're still afraid me and send me away. But now I know why you did it."

Ray stopped by the window and pushed the curtain aside. Emily moved on his arm again when the daylight hit her face. Ray turned to me and Connor. Again I felt uneasily because I couldn´t see his face underneath the hood, but when he continued talking, he turned his words to Connor, who was standing next to me as tensed as a bowstring.  
"Did you know that for Lillian, family is one of the most important things in life?", he asked as calm as always. "She lost a large part of her family too soon and that´s why I always wanted to be a good brother to her, even when we were separated. Now that I could finally talk to her and make up for the time we lost, you´re standing here with your hand on your weapon. Although I don´t like the thought, you´re my brother-in-law now. We are a family and as family members we shouldn´t threaten each other."  
Connor uttered a scornful snort about these words, whereupon I gave him a nervous gaze from the side. His eyes were sparkling with anger and the contempt he was feeling for Ray, was unmistakable in his gaze, as well as in his voice.  
"I do not care who you are. I do not count somebody to my family who is attacking, robbing and killing innocent people for no reason", he growled. "Furthermore you did not try to tell your mother and your sister that you are still alive. What kind of good son and brother is doing something like this?"  
"I would have sent them a message, if men like you hadn´t stand in my way." The calmness in Ray´s voice had disappeared. Anger which he had suppressed so long was to hear in it and my gaze flitted nervously to Emily, who was becoming more and more restless. Ray was pressing her even closer to him as he continued.  
"I was injured, was declared dead by my company and I was on my own. Helpless. I only moved crawling and disoriented, but do you think that anybody of your patriot friends was willing to help me, when they saw me? Women, men and children avoided me, a seriously injured men, but they were all saying that the Redcoats were the monsters in this war."

The more he said, the more he was talking himself into a fury. The hate he was feeling for the patriots seemed to be boundless and slowly I began to understand, why he was calling them traitors and had ordered all these crimes. As a revenge? Just because they hadn´t cared for him when he had been injured?  
"I think they all had to take care of themselves during the war. I doubt that they didn´t care for you because of some bad intentions", I said calmly and I had barely spoken, as Ray began to relax again.  
"It´s not just about that", he started, now a bit calmer. "Lilly, I think even you would have avoided me, if you had seen me back then and you would still do it today, if I wouldn´t hide from everyone."  
A lump formed in my throat and again I didn´t know what I should feel towards Ray, when I heard the sadness in his voice. I was sorry for him, no matter what he had done and suddenly I felt the urge to go to him and embrace him.  
"You are my brother", I said quietly and made a careful step into his direction. "No matter what you´re hiding underneath this cape."  
Except of Emily occasional whimpering, it became silent in this room. I didn´t turn my eyes away from Ray while I could feel Connor´s tension behind me. I asked myself for how long he was able to keep his feet still. He had searched for Ray for so long and now that he was standing in front of him, I was in his way. Connor certainly didn´t like it, but I wanted to use the chance to talk to my brother and maybe I was able to find out why he had done all of this. Learn about his intentions. But at the moment it was more important to find out what had happened to Ray, even though I had to confess that I was afraid of this answer.

I took another step forward, but when he indicated to me that I should stop, I followed this order.  
"That´s what you´re saying now", he said. "But you will change your mind when you see what the war had made me become."  
I shook my head with determination. "You should know me better."  
It became silent again, but I almost held my breath as Ray finally mumbled "Alright" and slowly moved his free arm to his hood and pushed it off his head, likewise slowly.  
An ice cold shock ran through my body, when I looked into my brother´s face for the first time in almost ten years. It was hardly recognisable because it was entirely disfigured. While the right side of his face was "only" covered with thin scars and I could see my brother´s familiar intelligence and liveliness in his green eye, it seemed like the left side was almost deliquesced. The skin looked like it had been pulled downwards, covered by coarse, irregular burn scars. A scarred eyelid was hanging slackly over an apparently empty eye socket and several long scars were running from his cheek down to his neck and his throat, as if the claws of an animal had torn up his skin and flesh. Also his reddish brown hair scarcely existed. He only had some tufts on his bald head. He looked terrible and when I imagine how he probably had looked like when the wounds had been fresh, I could understand why people hadn´t taken care of him. It was a terrifying sight.

"Not what you have expected, isn´t it?", Ray said and a bitter expression appeared about his mouth. I gulped and shook my head slowly.  
"It would be a lie, if I would say that I´m not shocked seeing you like this. But what happened? They told your mother and me that you´ve been torn apart by a cannonball in Savannah."  
"Not me." Ray squinched up his face. "The powder storehouse next to me. It exploded and I was hit by the flames. I became unconscious and they thought I was dead. I woke up in a pile of bodies in the middle of the night and escaped somehow. Don´t ask me how I did it and survived. But when I was better, the war was already over and I had nothing left. My comrades were gone and I was surrounded by traitors like your husband."  
His gaze slid to Connor and when I glanced over my shoulder to him, he had squared his shoulders and was giving my brother a provocative look.  
"There were fights on both sides. Both sides had injured and dead men and women. You cannot make just one side responsible for your fate", Connor said and I had to agree to him inwardly. I could understand Ray´s anger about his injuries, but if he wanted to make somebody responsible for it, the innocent settlers were the last ones to blame. When I told him this, Ray´s gaze became furious.  
"Do you see how he´s influencing you?", he growled. "Of course he´s saying that. I´m sure he even enjoyed the war, when I look at him and think of what he did to my men."  
He looked at Connor full of hate, while the assassin wasn´t moved by it. Then Ray´s gaze returned to me.  
"Connor and all his patriot friends, including the settlers you like so much, are cowardly traitors. We British never wanted this war. Our king did everything he could to help his people in the colonies and the ungrateful rabble provoked this war because something wasn´t to their liking. They are like animals and now they are boasting about an alleged victory and fail to see that their new leaders are incompetent idiots. This nation can´t survive without England and they have to understand that. My men and I, we will take care of it."  
"And that´s why you are attacking them and ruin their livelihood? That´s why you´re killing people?"  
"We are showing them that they shouldn´t feel safe. Nobody was able to stop us until now and why? Because their self-appointed leaders are incompetent. They are hiding and try to expand their new power. They don´t care for their people and they have to understand that. They have to understand that they made a mistake with this war and that they need England."

With every word he spoke, I became more and more dumbfounded. So for him it was only about pure nationalism. The pride about his native country in which he felt offended, probably connected to the pain and the anger about his injuries. The way he was looking at me now, so entirely convinced but also waiting for agreement, made it hard for me to stay calm. I had never seen Ray like this. He had never been fanatic and I just couldn´t understand him. I could only pity him, but I doubted that he wanted that. He wanted me to agree to him. Stand by him, because we were a family. But his thoughts maybe were understandable for himself, but I thought that his actions were wrong.  
"I think you´re obsessed", I said, shaking my head, but I raised my hands in a soothing manner, when Ray´s expression hardened. "I understand that you´re feeling anger for the patriots. At least they have been your enemies for a long time. But if you would look around, you would see that they all just want the best for this country. They all progressed. Even the British."  
Ray slowly began to shake his head with my words, his lips pressed together. But I didn´t let myself been swayed by it and kept talking, while I approached him step by step.  
"You haven´t been in England for a long time. The British are starting to come to terms with the lost of the colonies and most of them are glad that the war is over. Everybody progressed and maybe you should do it, too."

Ray stared at me as if he would doubt my mind. Anger was visible in his face, but I also saw grief in his eyes.  
"So that´s what he made you become?", he asked in a muffled voice and I was tempted to contradict immediately. To make clear to him that neither Connor, nor anybody else was influencing my thoughts. But when I saw how the grip of his arms tightened around Emily´s little body and she finally began to cry, any kind of contradiction stayed stuck in my throat. I leaped towards them, but when I reached out my hands for Emily, Ray pushed against my shoulders with so much force that I stumbled backwards and would have fallen down, if Connor hadn´t caught me in time.  
"That is enough", the assassin growled and wanted to approach my brother now, but obviously he had expected that. He shoved the window open and I uttered a terrified scream, as he held the crying Emily outside. His gaze was provoking when he looked at Connor, who had stopped as if he was rooted to the spot.  
"How big is your wish to attack me, Connor?", Ray asked scornfully and I felt sick when I saw his amused smile.  
"Do it, but then I could drop the little girl." Ray cocked his head, still having this smile on his lips. "What do you think? What happens to a little body when it falls from the first floor to the ground? Does the head burst open like an overripe fruit? Shall we find out?"  
He held Emily farther outside. She was wriggling, crying and I feared that she could fall off his arms because of it alone.

"Ray, please!", I begged with my voice shaking in panic. "She´s a child!"  
He looked at me and I saw something in his healthy eye that was nothing else but insanity.  
"She is for now. But when she becomes older, she will be as rotten as her father and everybody else in her environment. Maybe it would be better, if she is freed from it."  
His gaze turned to Emily again and I already saw her fall. My fear for my child was lacing up my throat and I felt terribly helpless. My gaze slid to Connor, who seemed to be struggling with himself. I hoped somehow that he would find a way to stop Ray. But no matter what he did, Emily would probably fall.  
"Ray!", I tried it again. "Do you remember what you told me once?" My voice was cracked, but I tried to make it sound as strong as possible. I had to reach my brother somehow, even if it was only through memories. "When you wanted to teach me how to climb on trees and when we got caught? My governess put me over her knee and wanted to make me understand that a lady doesn´t behave like this. She locked me up in my room and you came to me through the window and wanted to comfort me. You said that everyone should have the chance to go their own way. We were children back then, but you were right." I paused and felt relief when Ray gave me a thoughtful look. "Emily should have this chance, too, shouldn´t she? She doesn´t have to become like one of us and nobody will force her to develop in a certain way. You don´t want to take this chance from her, don´t you? She is...your niece after all. A part of our family."  
I hoped that I was successful when I reminded Ray of his basic sense of family. Actually I didn´t intend to give him any word of encouragement, but I hoped that it would safe Emily. She was screaming loudly and the longer she cried, the more it was a stab into my heart. Nevertheless I tried to keep my gaze on Ray, who obviously was thinking about my words, while Connor was standing next to me motionless and silent like a statue and probably thinking about every possible way to attack Ray. But it seemed like Ray thought of it as he scrutinized Connor and finally nodded at his belt.  
"You will borrow me your pistol, won´t you?"  
Connor knitted his eyebrows. "Why should I? So that you can shoot one of us?"  
Ray clicked his tongue and I whimpered when he held Emily out of the window even farther.  
"I have left my weapons behind to come here unarmed. Now I want your pistol as a security to get away from here. You won´t let me pass you, won´t you?"

Of course he wouldn´t. Connor had waited too long for getting Ray into his hands. But I didn´t care about all of this. I didn´t want to keep watching how my crying child was held towards its certain death.  
"Do as he says", I whispered and earned a dumbfounded gaze from Connor.  
"You want me to arm him, so that he can keep threatening us?"  
"Do you prefer to watch him dropping Emily?" I gave my husband a pleading look and it seemed like he had finally lost faith in anyone´s mind in this room. Ray in comparison was still smiling and obviously more than pleased with this situation.  
"I won´t shoot as long as you are not up to mischief. I promise. I just want to go", he explained relaxed.  
Connor´s gaze moved back to our uninvited guest and he pointed at Emily. "You will give her to Lillian first", he said, but Ray uttered a laugh.  
"So that you can shoot me?" He shook his head. "But we can do an exchange. Lillian will give me the pistol and I will give her Emily. We´re all on the safe side then."  
He smiled at me smugly and I looked at Connor, who nodded slowly and reluctantly. He pulled the pistol out of the holster and gave it to me. I took the weapon with shaking hands and approached Ray with it. He took a step back from the window and loosened an arm from Emily to reach out his hand for the weapon. I gave it to him and at the same time, he handed me my daughter. But I still didn´t dare to give a sigh of relief. Not as long as Ray was still here.

I gently pressed Emily against me and stroked reassuringly over her head, while I didn´t turned my eyes away from Ray. He weighed the pistol in his hand and pulled the hood over his head.  
"Then I will bid farewell. But..." He roughly linked arms with me and pressed the barrel against my side. "I hope that you will accompany me to my horse, Lilly. Connor surely will wait here until we have bid farewell to each other and you return."  
Of course. How could I expect something else from him? He didn´t risk anything. But as long as he was really going to let me go, it was better than a falling Emily. I gave Connor a warning look which would hopefully make him follow Ray´s order and basically I knew that I was offending him with it. He was certainly able to knock Ray out without harming me but I also didn´t want him to risk something when we all could get out of this situation unharmed.  
When Ray made a step forward, with me by his side, I first thought that Connor wouldn´t obey my silent request. But he stepped aside with an irritated growl and let us pass. I gave him a short look and silently formed the name "Cobalt" with my lips, hoping that he would understand. Bus as far as I knew him, he had already planned what had just come to my mind.  
Without further resistance and without saying anything, I let Ray led me out of the house and towards the homestead, while I tried to calm the still crying Emily somehow. I didn´t know why, but Ray obviously chose the direct way through the homestead and past everyone who was outside. I looked into many shocked faces, but when somebody made an attempt to come to us, I shook my head vigorously, while Ray seemed to enjoy this attention. I couldn´t see his face but he squared his shoulders and his walk was nothing else but lively. Absurd in face of the fact that he was threatening me with a weapon.

When we had crossed the homestead, he led me into the undergrowth of the forest, until we reached his horse which was tied to a tree. He let me go and pushed the pistol into his belt.  
"I heard Connor has quite a collection of weapons. He won´t miss this one, won´t he?"  
He smiled smugly and leaped onto the saddle. "I hope for you that you are going to come to your senses, Lilly", he said and his hand reached into his cape. "I don´t want that it has to end between us like it did between father and me."  
Confused about his words, I frowned while he pulled a shining object out of his cape and threw it onto the ground in front of me.  
"I hope to see you again soon, little sister", he said and thrust his heels into his horse´s flanks.  
Slowly I bent down and took the object he had thrown to my feet. I gasped when I recognized it and suddenly had an oppressive feeling which I hadn´t felt for a very long time. It mingled with a terrible fear and presentiment, but I suppressed this feeling as I went back to the street and held Emily tightly against my chest again. I heard the clatter of hooves coming from the homestead and shortly afterwards Connor stopped beside us.  
"Are you well?", he asked and I shook my head. But pure anger lay in my eyes when I looked up to him.  
"What are you waiting for? Get him at last."  
Connor frowned but luckily he didn´t hesitate. He drove Cobalt on and galloped down the street. I looked after him until he turned around a bend. Not until then I lowered my eyes to the object, which I had seized firmly with my hand. My father´s signet ring which had disappeared after his death.


	30. Chapter 30

_Hello ^^  
_

 _This chapter is a bit different from the others. I wanted to show a bit more of Lillian´s past and hope that it gives you a chance to get to know her better and understand what made her become the woman she was in Freedom and is today._

 _Then I have a question for you which has nothing to do with this story, actually. A few months ago I wrote a version of "Freedom" from Connor´s point of view. It was based on a project on the German fanfiction site and I wasn´t really sure, if I should translate it, too. Would you be interested or is it not necessary? If I do the translation, it would mean that I would take turns in updating this story and the other and so you would have to wait a bit longer for each update. The project has 30 chapters. Just let me know what you think. ^^_

* * *

 **Memories**

Connor returned from his hunt for Ray in the late evening without success. My brother really had had some of his men in reserve who had been supposed to stop Connor so that he could flee. Once again he had proved what a smart and cowardly dog he was. Luckily Connor had stayed unharmed from his short encounter with Ray´s men, but his anger for my brother had reached its climax. It was almost seizable, but I didn´t feel different. Today I had seen another side of my beloved brother but that I hadn´t been able to recognize him at the same time, made me angry, as well as it made me feel afraid. I didn´t know what I should feel for him. Could I feel affection for a man who had played with a child´s life? With the life of my child?

I still remembered how he had held the crying Emily out of the window and obviously had enjoyed to put Connor under pressure with that. This image didn´t want to leave my head and followed me even in my sleep. In the middle of the night I woke up, covered in sweat, trembling and crying. Struggling for breath I curled up on my side and buried my face in my pillow, when an arm wrapped around my hip.  
"Did you have a nightmare?", I heard Connor´s voice beside my ear and nodded.  
"I dreamt that he dropped her", I said with a shaky voice, after I had taken the pillow from my face. "He dropped her and I saw how she...how she hit..." I stopped and pressed my hands against my forehead, my eyes closed and struggling with this pain, which had been too real in my dream. "I don´t want to have these images in my head."  
My voice was nothing more than a whimper when said images flooded my mind again. A falling Emily who hit the ground and lay dead, with broken skull and dislocated extremities in her own blood. At the same time I saw Ray´s spiteful smile and heard his question for Connor, what would happen to a little body when it was dropped several metres. I never wanted to learn it but although it hadn´t happened, these images seemed to be too real and were unbearable.

Crying quietly I buried my face in the pillow again and felt ridiculous at the same moment, because I was so terrified by a dream. Emily was fine. She was laying in her cradle and slept peacefully. Probably she hadn´t even noticed what Ray had done, while she had lain in his arms. But I couldn´t hold back my tears which were certainly connected to my disappointment about my brother. Connor didn´t say anything about it. He kept his arm around me and I felt his breath in my nape as he leaned his forehead against the back of my head. In this moment I was glad that he wasn´t someone who was throwing wise words around and wanted to tell me that everything about Ray was going to be alright. I had finally realized that it wasn´t possible and Connor knew that this realization wasn´t easy for me. Even after several minutes, I wasn´t able to calm down, relax and fall asleep again, but when Emily´s crying sounded, I bit my bottom lip and forced myself to hold back my tears. I raised my face off the pillow and wanted to stand up, but Connor had already pre-empted me. I heard his bare feet on the wooden floor when he went to Emily´s cradle and his silhouette was visible in the moonlight that was falling through the curtains, when he stopped in front of it. Sniffing quietly I sat up and ran my hands over my tear stained eyes while Connor bent down to Emily and lifted her. He spoke quietly to her and carried her to me. I lightened the oil lamp on the bedside table and blinked as the light hit my still irritated eyes. But I couldn´t suppress a chuckle when I looked at Emily, who was moving her head back and forth against her father´s chest, growling quietly and obviously frustrated searching for something she wouldn´t find by Connor.

"Somebody is hungry", I said with a smirk and laid the pillow against the headboard, to lean comfortably against it, before I opened the laces of my nightgown´s neckline and Connor handed me Emily carefully. A pleased expression appeared on the little face, when I gave Emily my breast and she was finally able to satisfy her nightly hunger. Connor came back into the bed in the meantime and pushed his own pillow into his back to sit next to me and wrap an arm around me. Sighing quietly I leaned my head against his shoulder and when Emily looked up to me with her big brown eyes, the images of the nightmare vanished into the back of my mind. But I couldn´t forget. In the contrary. While I looked down to this wonderful little being in my arms, that could have been taken away from me today, I felt a wish, which would have been totally impossible for me yesterday.  
"Could you teach me how to shoot?", I asked quietly and felt how surprised Connor was about this question.  
"Why do you want to learn it?", he asked confused.  
"Why not? I´m sure other women can do it, too."  
"Yes, but normally you are reluctant when you have to use violence."  
"But I did it anyway. I defended myself against Ray´s men and knocked this man in the brothel down", I murmured and was annoyed when I shivered with the thought of the latter. Even though I had been forced to defend myself, I had struggled with myself for long because of this incident. In the meantime Connor sighed quietly and carefully changed his position, while he started talking again.  
"To knock somebody down or to strike somebody at all is not comparable with shooting a bullet at someone. It is too easy to kill with it and I doubt that you want that."  
Basically he was right. The thought of killing someone was unacceptable to me. I still felt bad when I remembered how I had been forced to kill two years ago. I had stabbed a man, Walter Tibbet, with a rapier before he had been able to do the same to me. It had been self-defence, but it hadn´t made it better for me. But nevertheless I had another perspective on this issue today. The perspective of a mother.  
"I want to be sure that I can defend and protect Emily to the bitter end", I said grimly but full of determination. "I don´t want something happen to her just because I wasn´t able to prevent it. If I have to kill, so that she is safe, I would do it." I raised my head off Connor´s shoulder to look at him. "You´re doing the same basically, don´t you?"  
Connor looked me over while I waited for an answer. I hoped that he understood my intentions, because after all he would do everything to protect the people who were close to him. I wanted to do so, too. Never again I wanted to watch how Emily was in danger, while knowing that I hadn´t been able to prevent it. I wouldn´t have a permanent access to a weapon, but to know that I could handle it, if it was the case, would give me this feeling of safety which I didn´t want to miss.

Connor looked at Emily, who was still satisfying her hunger, unmoved by our conversation.  
"Let me think about it", he asked me and even though I didn´t know why he wanted to delay a certain decision, I nodded. He shortly touched my forehead with his lips, before we became silent again and waited until our daughter had ended her meal. She uttered a quiet, gurgling noise when I lifted her to my shoulder and stroked gently over her back. But when I wanted to stand up and lay her into her cradle, Connor held me back.  
"Let her stay here", he said quietly and laid his pillow between us onto the mattress, before he patted it.  
"I think it´s better if she would sleep in her own bed", I objected. "What if we hurt her accidentally?"  
Connor shook his head and gently took Emily off my arms. She yawned heartily when she shortly came to rest at Connor´s shoulder, before he carefully bedded her on the pillow.  
"It will be alright for today", he said calmly. "Maybe you will sleep better, if she is laying next to you and I do not think that we will hurt her somehow."  
A bit sceptical I watched him laying down again and stroking over Emily´s cheek with his forefinger, when he curiously turned her head into his direction and tried to grab his comparatively huge hands with her tiny ones shortly afterwards. I smirked about this sight and lay down, too. I turned off the light, turned on my side and lightly stroked over Emily´s belly, who uttered a quiet gurgle. Connor was right. Now in the dark I felt better with having her by my side. But while I stroked her gently and listened how she became more and more calm and finally fell asleep, I made another decision which would have been unimaginable before.  
"Can I ask you for another favour?", I asked quietly and felt for Connor, who was only a dark shadow next to Emily. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently, which I took as a confirmation to keep talking. I did it without further ado.  
"When you meet Ray, you don´t have to hesitate for my sake. Do whatever you have to do to stop him. A man who would have accepted my child´s death, doesn´t deserve my mercy."

* * *

Connor set off to Boston by dawn of the next day. Despite Ray´s visit we were both certain that the gang´s plans for the State House hadn´t changed. If they should really attack it in the next two days, I hoped that Connor and his brothers were able to set a trap for them and end all this. I had been serious about my words. Although I still had inconsistent feelings towards my brother, he had lost my protection against Connor. I actually could have forgiven him that he had threatened me with a weapon, but not that he had played with Emily´s life. If he had dropped her, I certainly would have pre-empted Connor in punishing Ray in every possible way and it was a bit eerie to me that this thought wasn´t bothering me at all. But although when I looked at Emily now, one day later, I was certain that I would defend her to the end.  
But Ray had given me more to think about. My father´s signet ring. After Connor had shown me the broken wax seal with my family´s emblem in New York, I hadn´t thought about it again. Of course I had always asked myself who was using our emblem and why. After I had heard about Ray, these questions had been moved into the back of my mind and I had doubted that Ray was using the seal for himself, since he always had insisted that he didn´t want to be a Jarvis. I had also doubted that Raymond Jarvis was actually my brother after all. But even after I had finally knew that it was him, I hadn´t thought of the seal. I had forgotten it. Until yesterday.

Now I was sitting in the rocking chair on the balcony, Emily sleeping in her cradle next to me and turned the golden piece of jewellery between my fingers. It was my father´s ring, there was no doubt about it. But how did Ray get it? It had disappeared after my father´s death and everybody had thought that it had been stolen. There was no way that Ray had got it somehow. Unless he had...  
My fist closed around the ring and I pressed it almost painfully firmly against my forehead. There was no explanation for where Ray had got the ring from. It was just impossible but nevertheless I had the feeling that something was wrong. That there was something I had to remember. But the day when I had lost my parents was eighteen years ago by now. I hadn´t thought about it for a long time because it was just too painful. I hadn´t wanted to accept the memories but nevertheless I leaned back in the chair now, closed my eyes and searched my memories and I really began to remember. As if everything had happened just yesterday.

* * *

 _July 1767_

 _"Lillian! Pull yourself together at last", mother hissed at me and I immediately stopped kicking my legs which were dangling some centimetres over the shining polished wooden floor. I was tempted to push my bottom lip forward but now I met my father´s warning gaze over the table, before he turned to the fat Mr. Fallon again, who was talking lively about his last hunting trip._  
 _"A twelve-pointer! Can you believe it, Jarvis? It´s rare to see such a magnificent animal. I would have shot it, if my rifle had fired, you can believe that."_  
 _"Of course you would", father said with a polite smile on his lips and indicated to the maid Tara that she should top up the glasses of our guest and his wife with wine._  
 _"We should go on a hunt together one day", Fallon suggested and made my father squinch up his face lightly. I knew that he wasn´t a man for hunting._  
 _"There are enough weapons fired in this world", he used to say. "We shouldn´t have fun with it."_  
 _So he stayed with a polite smile and turned the conversations to the business again, the actual reason for this dinner._

 _I hated business dinners. It always meant that I had to sit still for hours, be silent and behave correctly of course. My thoughts always wandered to the things I could do in the meantime and which would be more fun to do. Reading books, playing with my dolls or maybe strolling through the garden with Ray. Where was he anyway? Inconspicuously I let my gaze roam over the servants standing by the opposite wall and waiting for orders. I saw Wanda, Ray´s mother, but Ray was nowhere to be seen. Maybe my father had told him to stay away from the guests. He probably feared that they could see that Ray was his son. But I didn´t think that Ray was looking like my father at all._

 _A quiet sigh escaped my lips which earned me a light slap on my knee._  
 _"Lillian", my mother whispered warningly and gave a smile to Mrs. Fallon, who was sitting in front of us and looked as grim as always. It seemed like she belonged to those people who had never smiled or even laughed in their entire life. When I raised my eyes, she looked at me directly and I was tempted to lower my head again, to escape her gaze. But I kept sitting straight and grabbed my glass with water instead, to take a deep sip. I hoped so much that this dinner was going to be over soon._  
 _"Mrs. Jarvis", the old Fallon started to speak all of the sudden and I shivered involuntarily with the sound of her harsh voice. As if you were rubbing a stone over a washboard._  
 _"Tell me, your daughter is certainly receiving a musical education, doesn´t she? I recently visited the Olsens and their daughter Lynette has an enchanting voice. I asked myself if Lillian could show us her abilities."_  
 _"You don´t want that", it burst out of me, before my mother was able to answer. Mrs. Fallon´s gaze fell on me and she indignantly raised an eyebrow about my cheeky behaviour. I wasn´t impressed by it at first. "Lady Bonham says that it sounds like you´re rolling a cart over a cat´s tail when I´m singing. No singing lessons could change that. Furthermore she thinks that it is more important that a woman is smart. Lynette Olsen can sing beautifully, but she is stupid like bread."_  
 _"Lillian!"_  
 _Silence spread over the room. Even the men had interrupted their conversation and the adults stared at me._  
 _"Sorry", I murmured and lowered my head._  
 _"What Lillian actually wanted to say", my mother began with a forced smile, after she had given me a look from the side."Is that she is not good in singing, but loves to play the cembalo."_  
 _"Really?", Mrs. Fallon asked and looked at me again. Maybe she doubted that I was capable of doing anything at all after my faux pas. I lowered my eyes to my plate and was relived as the adults weren´t interested in listening to my cembalo play._

 _For the rest of the evening I stayed on my seat in an exemplary manner and only spoke when I was asked to. Nevertheless I could feel my mother´s anger and after we had bid farewell to our guests, she sent me to my room where I was supposed to wait for her. I knew that I had to expect a reprimand. Even my governess Babette was looking at me with an indignant expression the whole time while she was preparing me for bed, but she didn´t say anything about my behaviour at the table. After all she knew that my mother was going to take care of it. When my mother came, Babette left the room and mother stand up in front of me with her arms crossed._  
 _"What on earth do you think you are doing?", she asked me angrily and her French accent became evident. As always when she was angry. "You are behaving like one of those ordinary brats on the streets. You are cheeky, have no manners and it seems like you are searching for every opportunity to refuse everything we are trying to teach you. Do you have to shame me like that? Do you want others to mock us because of you?" She took a step forward and slapped my chin lightly, which I had held down. "Regarde-moi!"_  
 _I raised my eyes and looked guiltily into her reproachful dark eyes. "Non, maman", I murmured. "I am sorry. I promise, I will do better."_

 _My mother snorted and didn´t seem to be ready to accept my apology. "I have heard that so often already. I do not know what to do with you. When I think that you have learned, you lose your good behaviour again from one moment to the other. Although Babette is doing her best and we are not sending you to Lady Bonham for nothing either."_  
 _She was silent for a moment and went to the window that was leading to the garden. Wordlessly I watched her and the longer she was silent, the bigger my bad conscience became. I was often annoyed by her strictness, but I didn´t want her to be angry with me. But I had to wait until she said something again, or she would become even angrier._  
 _"I think your father and I have to think of something for you", she murmured. "You do not behave like that by yourself. I know that you can be a good girl. I think we should not send you to your grandparents anymore. They are giving you too much freedom and every time you come back, I see new sides about you which we have to drive out of you again."_  
 _"But that´s..." My protest ended when my mother turned around to me and glared at me even more angrily._  
 _"You are doing it again!", she called out. "I should put you across my knee because of your disrespectfulness."_  
 _The heels of her shoes clattered loudly on the wooden floor as she went past me to the door. "We will talk about it tomorrow. I have to calm myself first. You are jangling my nerves."_

 _I winced when the door shut behind her. I knew that I had to apologize, but I had to wait until tomorrow. My mother was a woman with a fiery temperament. It always took a while until she calmed down again. But beside that she was gentle and loving, which made it even worse for me that she was angry with me. Silent and ashamed I waited until the door opened again and Babette came in. She was a strictly religious Catholic and always thought that she had to make sure that I said my prayers before going to bed. She always punished my objections, that it was none of her business what I was talking about with God, with unpleasant slaps on my nape. So I always restricted myself to the Lord´s prayer and slipped underneath the blanket afterwards. Then Babette used to withdraw to the armchair in the corner of my room and attended to some handiwork until I had fallen asleep. I didn´t know why she was doing that. I was nine years old and refused to accept that someone was watching over my sleep as if I was a baby. But objections weren´t allowed anyway._

 _So I listened to the regular clatter of her knitting needles while I tried to fall asleep. But I had barely closed my eyes, when it knocked on the door and my father stepped in shortly afterwards. He asked Babette to leave the room and while she left, I sat up in bed and gave my father an insecure look. Normally he never came to wish me a good night. He rarely visited me in my room at all and so I almost feared that he was going to reprimand me for my behaviour during the dinner, too. But to my surprise he smiles gently at me and sat down on the edge of the bed._  
 _"You know that you behaved wrong today, don´t you?", he asked and I nodded._  
 _"I´m sorry."_  
 _Father bent his head slightly and so he had accepted my apology at least._  
 _"Your mother is already calming down again. You disappointed her, but I think if you apologize to her, it will be fine again."_  
 _The gaze of his grey eyes, which I had inherited from him, roamed over my face and I asked myself, if I should say something. But it was my father who began to speak. He looked down at the golden signet ring on his hand and pulled it off his finger. He grabbed my hand and with wide eyes I watched him laying the cold piece of metal on my palm._  
 _"Do you know the meaning of this emblem?", he asked me and I shook my head while looking at the engraving on the piece of jewellery._  
 _"Your great-grandfather chose it for the business he built and later it became our family emblem, too. The horse which is pacing forward, stands for our sense of duty towards our family and the progress we are making with it. With this progress we can be successful, which is why it is carrying a laurel wreath in its mouth. A simple emblem, but it´s showing the meaning of our family." He nodded at the ring which I was regarding full of respect. "There is only one ring and it´s always passed on to the eldest son and with it the duty to maintain and advance our family and its traditions. If you had a brother, he would receive this duty."_  
 _"Why not me?", I asked curiously and father cocked his head with raised eyebrows._  
 _"I hope it´s not necessary to answer this question, isn´t it?"_  
 _I nodded slowly. Of course. I was a girl. I could never take over our family´s business and maintain our tradition with it. Although I would have wanted to do so. My father reached out his hand again, took the ring from me and held it in front of my nose._  
 _"But that you can´t wear it, doesn´t mean that you have no responsibility for our family. Once you marry, your husband will inherit our family´s business and continue it. Maybe it will belong to another name then, but it still will be our business and eventually your sons will continue. Then your grandsons and so on. That´s why it is so important to me and your mother that you are aware of your duties. You could have a man by your side in nine years and if you keep behaving like you did today, you will never be a good representative for your husband and our family. Do you understand?"_  
 _Of course I did. I had always heard similar sentences from mother, Babette and Lady Bonham, but I had never known that my future marriage was also connected to our family´s legacy. But that didn´t mean that I liked it. I pushed my bottom lip forward._  
 _"But I don´t want a husband", I grumbled and made my father smirk._  
 _"You´re too young to know what you want and what is good for you. When you´re adult, it will be easier for you to understand."_  
 _Father put the ring on again and stroked through my hair. A rare gesture._  
 _"I know that you won´t disappoint me", he said, bent forward and kissed my forehead. "Now sleep. Tomorrow you will go to the Olsens with Babette and apologize to Lynette. I´m sure that Mrs. Fallon will gossip and you should pre-empt it."_  
 _I nodded morosely. I hated Lynette Olsen, but I had no other choice. Father stood up with a pleased expression and went to the door. He stopped in the doorframe and looked at me._  
 _"Good night, little toad", he said and I smiled brightly about the nickname which I heard as rarely from him as he was showing affection to me._  
 _"Good night, papa."_

 _After Babette had returned, I fell asleep amazingly quickly but my sleep lasted only a few hours. When I woke up it was in the middle of the night and I felt an unpleasant ache in my throat. I was oppressively warm in my room and I was terribly thirsty. Slowly I stood up, lumbered barefooted to the door, opened it a bit and peeked carefully into the dark hallway. There was nobody to be seen and also not to be heard. Certainly everyone was asleep, my parents as well as the staff. Nevertheless I paid careful attention to my steps when I sneaked along the hallway and to the broad staircase leading to the basement. But when I was only a few steps away from it, I stopped. Light fell through the clearance between door frame and door leaf by my father´s study and I could hear his voice. He sounded irritated. I approached the door and glanced curiously through the keyhole. I could see the red justeaucorps of my father who was standing sideway to the door and talked to someone I couldn´t see, gesticulating wildly._  
 _"You will never have any rights! Never! Understand it at last or are you even too stupid for that?"_  
 _I winced as I heard my father talking in this harsh tone. I had never seen him like that and it scared me somehow. I knew, when I was caught now, I would be punished strictly. It wasn´t right to eavesdrop and it surely wasn´t right to peek through keyholes. But I was so curious...No. Determined I shook my head. I had already behaved wrong today and my father had made clear to me that I couldn´t allow myself to do so._

 _So I quickly turned away from the door when I heard father´s voice again. It seemed like the other person didn´t want to say anything, but I didn´t care anyway. I went downstairs and sneaked into the empty kitchen where I filled a cup with water and drank it with slow sips. My gaze roamed through the room and I asked myself if anybody would notice when I took one of the fresh, rosy-cheeked apples which were laying in a bowl. Certainly the cook had planned something with them. But would she notice, if one of them was missing? I put the cup away and just wanted to take one of the apples when a bloodcurdling scream sounded from upstairs. I winced and stormed to the door._  
 _"Murderer! You dirty, little...", I heard the hysterical voice of my mother, but it ended in another stifled scream before it entirely died away. An ice cold shiver ran down my spine and I believed that I couldn´t move. I stared at the staircase and was still staring, when two employees came out of their wing and ran upstairs with lanterns._  
 _"He´s through the window! Quick! Someone has to look after the little miss", I heard one of them call and not until then I moved._  
 _"Maman? Papa?", I called in panic and ran upstairs. I felt that something terrible had happened but before I could reach my father´s study, I ran into the strong arms of Zachary, our equerry._  
 _"Little miss! Are you alright?", he asked me and seized me, when I wanted to push myself past him._  
 _"What happened? Where are they? Where are my parents?"_  
 _I even wanted to slap Zachary, so that he let me go, but he kept me in a firm grip and finally lifted me onto his arms, despite my resistance._  
 _"I will bring you to your room, girl", he murmured and went on. But he pressed my head against his shoulder so that I couldn´t look into the study when we past it. I would never learn, if I could be grateful for it or not._

 _I spent several scared moments in my room, knowing that Zachary was watching the door, so that I couldn´t leave. I could only hear how several people came into the house after some time, talking tensely to each other. When the day dawned, it was Babette who entered my room, with tears in her eyes and deathly pale and telling me that my parents were dead. Killed by a burglar who had been able to escape. I couldn´t really realize this news. It needed three full days and the funeral until it reached my mind and I fell into a whole phase of crying. Many people came to offer their condolences and often I heard them talking about my future. Lillian Jarvis, the poor orphan. I just understood that they wanted to send me to my grandparents at first, but I didn´t care for now anyway. I spent my time in my room and didn´t want to see anyone. For hours I lay in my bed, the blanket pulled over my head and cried to myself. I couldn´t understand why my parents had been taken away from me and I began to feel an incredible anger for the person who had ended their lives and I didn´t let anyone talk to me about it. Until there was a knock on my door one day and someone sat down on the edge of my bed._

 _"Lilly?", I heard Ray´s hesitant voice and pushed the blanket from my head. My half-brother was terribly pale so that his green eyes looked almost unnatural. He looked sad. Maybe even afraid but I wasn´t surprised. None of the employees knew how to go on, after the household was dissolved. Also Ray didn´t know what was going to happen to him and his mother. Furthermore the events were certainly scaring him as much as me. He always said that he was an adult with his twelve years, but I knew that he was a child just as me._  
 _"Oh, Ray!", I uttered and threw my arms around his neck. I hadn´t seen him for days and now I felt how much I had missed him. He was the only person in this household who had ever really understood me. He wrapped his arms around me and I heard how he took a shaking breath._  
 _"It´s so terrible", I whispered. "Why did this happen? Why did they have to die? I don´t understand it. Why...why am I alone now?"_  
 _I burst into tears again and Ray pressed me closer against himself._  
 _"I´m...I´m so sorry, Lilly", he said hoarsely. "I...I wanted..."_  
 _"I hate him!", I interrupted him. Actually I hadn´t even noticed that he had said something. I pulled away from the embrace and looked at my brother with glowing eyes and he seemed to be more and more insecure. "I hate the one who killed them! He shall rot in hell! He shall come to a miserable end and I don´t care that Babette says that you shouldn´t utter such curses. He deserves it!"_

 _Ray scrutinized me and whatever he had wanted to tell me, it seemed like he had reconsidered. He lowered his eyes while I looked at the window and suddenly remembered how my mother had stood there in the evening of her death and had been angry with me. I had never been able to apologize for my behaviour. I would never be able to show her that I could do better. I would never be able to show my parents that I could be conscientious. But for them, I wanted to try it. From now on I would behave like a lady and make them proud when they were going to look down at me from heaven. They should be able to say that I was an honour to our family._  
 _"I can´t climb on trees with you anymore, Ray", I said quietly but entirely determined. When I looked at Ray, I saw tears in his eyes. "But we will still be a family. I promise!", I tried to comfort him. He just smiled faintly._

* * *

I winced when I heard Emily´s quiet crying. Blinking I opened my eyes and felt that my cheeks were wet and I really was still crying. Irritated I wiped the tears away and opened my hand with my father´s ring in it. I had grabbed it so firmly that it had left an imprint on my palm. But know I knew how it had got into Ray´s possession. I hadn´t seen it over all these years because it had been too absurd, but now that I remembered the events back then, I finally knew that it hadn´t been a burglar who had killed my parents. The real murderer had let me embrace him and maybe had wanted to confess it to me. But he had shown the white feather like a coward when it had become aware to him that I wouldn´t be his little Lilly anymore. But now I certainly wasn´t anyway. Finally.


	31. Chapter 31

**Tact and negotiating skills**

I felt like I was sitting on glowing coals at home for four days and waited for a proverbial sign of life from Connor. Had the gang attacked? Had Connor and his brothers been able to stop them? Had they fought? Had something happened to someone? I was asking myself these questions almost in every free minute and it drove me mad, even though I should be used to it already. When Connor was away, I could never know exactly when he was going to return and especially if he was going to stay unharmed. So this situation wasn´t new, but still different. I just wanted all of this to end at last. That Ray and his men were stopped and punished. If I wasn´t wrong – and I was sure that I wasn´t – and Ray really had killed my parents back then, it would be a satisfaction for me. I wanted him to finally disappear from my life. To say that it was going to be more peaceful then, was a way too optimistic thought, but it was different, if the current threat was part of your own family. It was more frightening and this fear made me become more and more irritated, with every day that passed.  
When somebody talked to me, I was just giving short answers and I attended grimly to my tasks. Maria and Caleb always eyed me sceptically and only Emily made me become reasonably calm, because luckily I was forced to relax, when I was carrying her with me. So I often sat down in the shadows of the trees with her, bedded her on my lap and cuddled her, which she enjoyed noticeably. When she was pleased, I just couldn´t have dark thoughts, but what would life be, if it wasn´t facing you with heavy headwinds from time to time?

I just bedded the sleeping Emily in the wrap around my chest, when I heard Maria´s voice coming from the stables. I followed her call and was alarmed in an instant as I saw the strange man next to her, holding a heavily breathing horse by its reins. It looked like they had hurried here in quick gallop and if this man was a messenger, the message was urgent and urgent often meant that something had happened.  
"Mrs. Lillian Kenway?", the man asked and when I nodded, he bowed his head shortly and grabbed into the pocket of his coat. "I shall give you this letter from Samuel Adams. He said it´s about your husband and that he..."  
I didn´t let him finish this sentence but tore the letter out of his hand, unfolded it and made a few steps away from him and Maria. My heart pounded painfully fast in my chest, because I already feared that this letter was supposed to tell me that I could call myself a widow from now on. But luckily it didn´t, although it wasn´t reassuring me at all.  
"That´s a bad joke!", I uttered and turned around to Maria and the messenger, who winced shortly. What did people say? Don´t kill the messenger? He was lucky that I didn´t have anything I could kill him with. So he was only exposed to my grim gaze, until Maria pushed herself a bit in front of him, as if she was afraid that I could actually attack him.  
"What is it?", she asked concerned and I immediately began to wave the letter underneath her nose, which she noticed with hectic blinking.  
"Connor and his brothers have been arrested", I snorted and Maria´s jaw dropped open for a moment. "It looks like the templars knew about the attack, too and managed it somehow that the whole world thinks that the assassins were the criminals, who didn´t turn up by the way."  
The letter in my hand rustled as I closed my fingers firmly around it and pressed it to a ball. I didn´t know which feeling was stronger. The fear or the anger, although I couldn´t even tell what I was angry about. About Connor´s plan to catch the gang when it became active, which turned out to be a total defeat? About the templars who were now interfering in our problems, too? My shoulders slumped forward, as well as my head. When would all this come to an end?

Maria cleared her throat and gently put a hand on my shoulder. "Did Mr. Adams write anything else?", she asked me quietly and just got the crumpled letter pushed into her hand. She unfolded it, read it and uttered a sigh. "I guess his insuring that you don´t need to worry doesn´t fall on fertile ground?"  
I shook my head. Sam Adams wrote that he was already attending to the release of Connor and his men, but to read the word "templars" had been enough to make me become pessimistic about this release. The order had proved often enough that it was made of devious men, who did everything to impose their aims. When they had caught assassins, they wouldn´t let them go.

My hand was resting on Emily´s head, who had woken up shortly and while I was stroking through her black hair, I made a decision.  
"I have to go to Boston", I said in a low voice and when I raised my eyes, Maria was staring at me dumbfounded. "I can´t stay here and wait. I have to know what´s going on, or I´m losing my mind."  
"And what about Emily? Do you want to take her with you? On a horse?"  
It was a legitimate objection. Emily needed me and so I couldn´t leave her here and in Maria´s care, but she was also too small and so I couldn´t and didn´t want to expect her to endure a travel on horseback. Nevertheless I had made my decision.  
I turned to the messenger, who had been standing silently beside his horse until now and obviously didn´t know how to judge my reaction. I tried to smile while saying: "Could you tell Mr. Adams that we are going to arrive tomorrow? Whatever negotiations he´s doing for my husband´s release, I want to join them."  
"Yes, ma'am." The messenger bowed his head shortly and I really believed to see relief in his gaze, as he mounted his horse again and rode away. In the meantime Maria was staring at me as if she doubted my mind. Probably she did.  
"So you really want to ride to Boston?", she asked, but I shook my head.  
"We will drive to Boston. With the carriage. You, Emily and I." And with these words I went to the house to prepare our quick departure.

* * *

We arrived in Boston shortly after dawn of the next day. The journey had been entirely calm, especially because Emily had behaved as peacefully as she never had before, although my nervousness didn´t want to vanish. It became even bigger as Maria stopped the carriage in front of Samuel Adams' house. He was already expecting us, but couldn´t hold back a reproachful gaze when we greeted each other.  
"It wasn´t necessary for you to come here. You can be sure that I´m trying everything I can to free Connor, Clipper and Duncan."  
"I know, Samuel." I gave him an apologetic smile. "But it wasn´t giving me a moment´s rest and I hoped that I can join your negotiations. Are you in direct contact with the templars?"  
Adams nodded. "Two of them belong to the local politicians. So it wasn´t difficult for the order to make our friends look guilty. But until now I couldn´t talk to someone who is in charge. Hopefully it will change today. Strictly speaking, you´re coming in exact the right moment. I just wanted to leave for a conversation with Peter Callaghan, the current grandmaster of the order and furthermore General of a regiment of the American army."  
Callaghan. I knew this name. I raised an eyebrow. "The grandmaster is willing to talk to you about the release of assassins? Something´s fishy about that, if you ask me."  
"I think that, too." Adams nodded grimly. "But until now we have no other opportunities."  
My gaze slid to Maria, who stood silently next to me and was holding Emily in her arms.  
"Can you take care of her while I´m visiting this Callaghan with Mr. Adams?"  
Actually I didn´t like the thought of leaving Emily behind. But the little one knew Maria and I knew that my friend was going to take care of her. They wouldn´t have problems with each other and I didn´t like the thought of taking Emily with me to a templar at all. When Maria answered my question with a nod, I turned to Sam Adams again, who obviously wasn´t entirely pleased to take me with him. But after he had told Surry, the maid I still knew from Philadelphia, to accompany Maria inside the house, we set off to the city.

With a carriage we drove to a house that didn´t look different from every other brick house in Boston from the outside. It was ordinary, if you ignored the snipers on the roof and behind the windows, who knew how to hide themselves cleverly. This was a meeting place for templars, no doubt. Only they were always so paranoid that they tried to protect themselves with such security. When Adams knocked on the door, it was opened by a chunky, grimly looking man in the clothes of a guard. My companion was already expected, but I was sceptically scrutinized.  
"What does the woman want here?", he asked Adams, as if he was thinking that I wasn´t able to talk for myself.  
"Lillian Kenway is also interested in a conversation with General Callaghan. We have the same intentions and you surely have nothing to be afraid of a lady like her." Samuel Adams stayed entirely neutral and friendly, but the man looked at him as if he had offended him badly.  
"Mr. Callaghan is only expecting you, not a stupid bitch."  
"Tell him, the stupid bitch is the niece of Richard Jarvis. Maybe he will expect me then", I replied sharply and wasn´t intimidated by his threatening gaze. He could be glad that I had received a certain education compared to him. With a last growl he slammed the door shut, obviously to talk to his General about the stupid bitch that was so shamelessly standing in front of the door.  
"Your uncle was a templar?", Adams asked me interested, but entirely neutral.  
"Was", I replied. "Luckily Connor freed me from his care...more or less voluntarily. But I have nothing to do with the order."  
Adams nodded and we became silent until the door opened again and we were asked to enter the house by the same guy. He led us through a narrow hallway, upstairs and finally to a study, whose door was wide open.

Inside sat a uniformed man, with close-cropped white hair and a clean-shaven chin, behind a desk, standing up when we entered the room. A smile on his lips which I would have found friendly and pleasant on every other person, if I hadn´t known to which organisation he belonged to.  
"Mr. Adams." He reached out his hand to the Sam and not until then he turned to me. "Miss Lillian Jarvis. I would have never expected to see you again. The last time I met you was on a dinner in your uncle´s house. I was really shocked and surprised to learn all these...things about you. I heard you can´t turn up in London anymore?"  
His tone was almost disgustingly friendly while I saw the pure scorn in his eyes. I wasn´t surprised that he liked to keep telling the story that I had turned against my home country, when I had wanted to support the assassins in London and free Connor, after he had been arrested for the murder of a judge and templar. But if he believed that he could offend me, he was wrong.  
"Neither Miss, nor Jarvis", I corrected him, entirely unmoved. "I´m a married Kenway."  
Callaghan nodded slowly and gave me an apologetic smile. "Of course. I already heard about it. What a pity that you couldn´t improve your status. Now it became even worse."  
His words, connected with this scrutinizing gaze at my ordinary clothes had been supposed to offend me. But I put on a bright smile as I replied:  
"Don´t worry. I´m very fine. There aren´t so many terrible people around me anymore."  
Callaghans expression darkened when I uttered this obvious dig at the order.  
"You should be careful, Mrs. Kenway. It´s not wise to offend the one who is in charge over your husband's fait."  
"So you felt involved?"  
Callaghan was right but I didn´t intend to let him offend and threaten me. He should know what I was thinking about him and people like him because even though I wasn´t exactly on the side of the assassins, I really was feeling hostility for the templar order and I certainly wouldn´t let myself be pushed around.

We put on a real duel with our gazes until Samuel Adams cleared his throat and touched my arms lightly. "I´m sure we can resolve this problem peacefully. Nobody of us is here to support some...sides. This is about justice."  
"And you think justice means to release three terrorists?" Callaghan smiled sanctimonious. "You are a politician, Sir. Do you really want to free men who wanted to attack politicians like you? Honest men who are caring for the people´s wellbeing?"  
"I think this is a big misunderstanding. The men, who have been arrested, wanted to prevent an attack and didn´t intend to harm anyone."  
I admired Adams for staying so calm and polite. Callaghans behaviour reminded me of a snake, lurking in the bushes and waiting for the chance to attack and release its venom. You had to cut off its head instead of encouraging it. But maybe this was the best thing to do in this situation, although I doubted that Callaghan would listen to us. His self-content smile proved me right.  
"They came through the tunnels and resisted my men when they wanted to arrest them. Four of them died. That no one of the politicians was harmed is due to the fact that we learned about these perfidious plans earlier and were able to evacuate the building", he said and folded his hands in front of his belly. "I think to detain them is entirely justified, at least until we can bring them before a judge."  
"As if you would grant them fair proceedings!", I uttered and angrily glared at the templar. "Don´t be ridiculous. You know that they did nothing and only detain them because of their affiliation to the brotherhood. Don´t let us beat about the bush."

Callaghan looked me over, almost amused, while Adams was giving me a warning gaze. But this conversation was entirely ridiculous. It wasn´t about the assassins' intrusion into the State House, although the templars wanted to make the people think that. They had to justify the arrest somehow after all. But we all knew what this really was about and I didn´t see why I should keep grinning and bearing it. Who knew what the templars had already done to the three men? In what kind of pit they were rotting in?  
"Is that so?", Callaghan asked amused. "Well, basically it is not important what I´m thinking about your husband and his friends. It is important what the people and our judges think and do you know what this situation is looking like for them?", he asked mockingly. "A group of bandits, led by Raymond Jarvis, is threatening the people of the freed colonies. They send three men to commit a well-aimed attack on the government officials of the State of Massachusetts. One of these men is coincidentally a relative by marriage of said Raymond Jarvis." He cocked his head and his smile became cold. "You know what I want to say? It isn´t difficult to connect Connor and his brothers with these crimes and not even a simple peasant would deny it. You are related to Jarvis, aren´t you? I saw your family´s seal on his correspondences."  
That I didn´t say anything and just stared at him seemed to be answer enough for Callaghan. He sat down on his chair and leaned back, entirely satisfied with himself. "You know, Lillian: If the assassins hadn´t interfered in our businesses, we wouldn´t have this conversation. The templar order will take care of these criminals and we don´t need assassins who are standing in our way, without knowing what this is really about."  
"And what is it about?"  
Callaghan looked at me as mockingly as always. "That´s none of your business. Like I said: You should never have interfered and I would suggest you leave now. Otherwise I could decide to arrest you as well. You could be in league with these criminals, too, after all. Couldn´t you?"

This terrible... I took a step towards Callaghan, following the urge to slap him for his impudence. But Adams held me back, while Callaghan's smile froze.  
"I wish you a good day, Ma'am. Sir." He gave his grim watchdog a signal and soon Adams and I were standing on the street in front of the house. I seethed with rage.  
"This bastard!", I called out and stared up to the window of Callaghan´s study. "For him it is just about some power plays! We could have spared ourselves the journey here."  
"There would be no need, if you had pulled yourself together." Adams looked at me seriously and I was tempted to contradict, but he raised a hand. "Yes, he´s a templar and yes: Of course he only wants to harm the assassins. But if you had let me talk, we would have learned more about the arrest and what will happen to them. Then I could have turned to some officials to influence the proceedings. Now we have nothing."  
My anger vanished in an instant. It hadn´t been aware to me what Adams had intended with this visit. I had thought he had wanted to persuade Callaghan to release Connor and the others. I closed my eyes and uttered a quiet curse. I had ruined everything with my callousness.  
"And what shall we do now?", I asked sheepishly.  
Adams shrugged his shoulders. "For now we will drive back and think about it. But I really don´t know which opportunities we have left now."

The journey back to Adams' house was silent. I was ashamed of my behaviour, but beside the anger I was feeling for the templars, I became more and more afraid for Connor. I had already learned about his arrest through the templars once and back then I had almost lost him. I didn´t want to imagine what the order intended to do to the assassins and what they probably had decided already. Sheepishly I had to tell Maria about my behaviour at Callaghan´s and I didn´t feel better as Adams led us into the parlour of the house and I saw Stephane Chapheau waiting for us there. The assassin´s expression hardened when he saw me. Understandable. He certainly remembered my lie about my identity as Janet Pierce. I had seen him as an impulsive and maybe not always pleasant man, so that I kept an eye on him and expected a verbal attack in every moment, while I sat down on an armchair, holding Emily firmly in my arms. But it seemed like Stephane had decided that I wasn´t worth his attention and so he ignored me thoroughly when Sam Adams sat down, too and asked him and Maria to do the same. I just got a deadly gaze when Adams talked about our visit at Callaghan´s.  
"Were you able to learn something?", Adams asked the assassin who nodded grimly.  
"I asked around a bit. I heard the templars want to bring the others to their fort on the eastern edge of the town. Officially they say they would be in safer custody there than in the town´s prison, but I think I don´t have to tell you that this is complete nonsense. The templars just want to make sure that they are entirely in their hands."

That was exactly what I had feared. If the templars had Connor and the others finally in their hands, it would become more difficult to free them. Probably even Samuel Adams wouldn´t be able to do something for them anymore. No matter how much political influence he had. I swallowed heavily and looked at Emily, who was laying gurgling in my arms and scrutinized her little hands and fingers with fascination. She was entirely unmoved by the worries around her, but it made my heart become heavy that she basically didn´t know about her father´s problems. Especially for her I wanted that Connor was able to return to us soon, unharmed at best.  
"Is there any chance to get to them before?", I asked Stephane, who squinched up his face shortly. Obviously he didn´t like that I couldn´t fulfil my role as the invisible evil. Nevertheless he forced himself to answer.  
"Oui. The transport is supposed to take place this evening before sunset. I even know their route. I will intercept them and get the others out of there."  
It didn´t sound like he doubted that he could actually do this. But there was one particular catch: He had said " _I_ will intercept them", so he had nobody to support him somehow and the templars certainly wouldn´t send the prisoner transport without guards. I didn´t doubt Stephane´s skills as an assassin, but somehow I had the feeling that he was too optimistic about a possible success. When I uttered my doubts carefully and with other words, the assassin looked at me as if he wanted to smash my head in. Obviously it wasn´t appropriate for a swindler to interfere in his plans. But I just selfishly wanted that Connor didn´t get a bullet in his head, while Stephane was trying to kill the guards. They surely had nothing left to defend themselves. Luckily Sam Adams had the same opinion like me and suggested that we should all think about a way to free the others and we did, until it was time to proceed to action.


	32. Chapter 32

**The vagaries of an escape**

"Bien, they should be here soon." Stephane wiped his hands on his pants and looked down the street we were standing on. Surrounded by fields and dense thicket it was laying on the edge of Boston and bend on our position towards the town. According to Stephane the transport was going to pass by here and we should have a good chance to stop it. There were only two of us. Stephane was armed to the teeth. I just had a dagger "for emergencies", attached to my belt and hidden by the pleats of my skirt. But Stephane had assured me that he was going to take care of the guards. I was supposed to do what I probably could do best: Causing distraction.  
"And you will stick to the plan?", the assassin asked me repeatedly, so that I just gave him an annoyed glance from the side as an answer. "I just wanted to be sure."  
"You should better make sure that everyone is going to stay unharmed in this situation."  
He didn´t answer. Silently we stood next to each other and tensely waited for the transport to appear on the horizon. The sun was slowly setting and long shadows covered the landside. Luckily there were no people around us who could stand in our way. Only from the distance I could hear the voices of people, enjoying this warm summer evening outside, before they retired into their stuffy houses for the night. It must be a good feeling to be able to use the peace. How much I wished to be sitting in the rocking chair on our balcony right now and relax, instead of standing here and hoping that nobody close to me was going to get harmed in the next few minutes.

"They are coming! Organise-toi!", Stephane´s alarming call tore me out of my thoughts and I also saw the prison cart coming down the street. The assassin ran to the edge of the street and hid in the thicket while I stepped behind the cart we had pushed diagonally across the street and had knocked it over. I sank down to the ground and waited until the prison cart came closer, before I grabbed my ankle in apparent pain and uttered a loud lamentation. I heard how one of the men on the coach-box swore about the roadblock and rumbling the cart stopped. "See what´s going on there. We have to move on."  
Heavy steps approached me and shortly afterwards two uniformed men appeared beside the overthrown cart and stared down at me.  
"Miss? Are you alright?", one of the men asked quite simple-mindedly, but he politely kneeled down so that we were on eye level.  
"I didn´t pay attention to the path and this damn cart fell over and onto my foot. It hurts so badly. I can´t stand up." With a tearful voice I squinched up my face and gave the guards a pleading look. "I really don´t want to detain you, gentlemen. But I would be grateful, if you could help me somehow. It´s getting dark..."

The man glanced at his comrade who just stared at me silently, then at the prison cart where the coachman was already craning his neck to find out what was going on.  
"Well, we really are in a hurry", the man in front of me started hesitantly. "But we could help you up at least and put up the cart. Then we send someone to bring you home or to a doctor."  
"That would be too kind of you." I gave him a bright smile and got a bad conscience at the same moment. For someone who was working for the templars, he was really friendly and polite. Unlike the coachman who was raising his fist in this moment and called out: "Now don´t let yourself be detained by a woman! Get the cart off the street and then we move on. I don´t want to have trouble with the general."  
The man in front of me gave me an apologetic look, before he grabbed my arm and carefully helped me up. I uttered a cry of pain when I put weight on my apparent hurt foot and began to hop on one leg, clinging to the guards to prevent them from turning around. Because I had seen Stephane who had risen from the thicket like a shadow and sneaked to the two men who were flanking the cart from behind and craned their necks into our direction, too. They didn´t notice that death was literally sneaking up on them, until they were silently killed by Stephane´s blades. Now Stephane stepped directly to the cart and I hoped that the men on the coach-box didn´t notice how he freed their prisoners. I felt relieved when three figures climbed out of the cart and I recognized one of them as Connor. They seemed to be alright and luckily my greatest fears hadn´t become real.

"Are you alright, miss?", the friendly guard asked me and I tore my gaze away from Stephane and Duncan who were sneaking along the sides of the cart to take care of the guards on the coach-box.  
"Er...yes. Of course." I gave a forced smile. "I just thought how lucky I am that you came by."  
Over the men´s shoulders I saw Connor, approaching us, ducked and armed with two daggers whose blades were flashing up from time to time. Again I got a bad conscience.  
"You know, kindness is such a rare thing in these days..." Nervous I watched Connor coming closer and closer and I raised my voice a bit. "I would find it unfortunate, if something happens to somebody like you, who is so willing to help."  
Connor stopped behind the men and stared at me with his head cocked. I actually hoped that he understood what I wanted to say. It seemed like he did, but he shook his head and I quickly took a step back and turned my eyes away, when he thrust the blades into the necks of the guards. Their dead bodies fell to the ground with a muffled noise.  
"He really was friendly", I murmured, my eyes still turned away. From the corners of my eyes I saw how Connor wiped the bloody blades on the coats of the guards.  
"You would not say that, if you had seen how he kicked the back of a prisoner who was already laying on the ground", he just said and now I dared to look at the bodies.  
"So he was friendly just because I´m a woman?"  
Connor shrugged his shoulders and I squinched up my face. Did there really had only a woman in need to turn men into gentlemen? That was...disappointing.

I sighed and looked at Connor. They had taken his robe and weapons but it seemed like he was unharmed, apart from the bruise on his right jaw. Only the gaze he was giving me wasn´t to my liking. But I hadn´t expected that he would approve that I was sticking my nose in dangerous things once again.  
"Stephane needed somebody to distract them while he frees you", I justified my presence without waiting for Connor to say something about it. But he only raised an eyebrow, before he turned away and stumped back to his brothers without saying a word. Dumbfounded I followed him with my eyes. No objections? No lectures that I would have been safer somewhere else?  
Hastily I ran after him but held back all comments when we reached the other three assassins. Clipper and Duncan had equipped themselves with their belongings by now and Duncan pointed at an open chest on the coach-box.  
"Serve yourself, Connor", he said and only nodded at me shortly like Clipper did. I was glad that they obviously weren´t as resentful as Stephane was, although I wouldn´t have hold it against them. My apology for my shameless lie was still due, but right now was not the right opportunity.

By now Connor had slipped into his robe again and had armed himself. His gaze slid searchingly to the close environment while he pushed the hood over his head and rolled his shoulders, probably to bring bow and quiver into a comfortable position on his back.  
"We should better go. It is not far to the fort anymore and they certainly wonder where the transport is."  
"I think they already did." I had looked into the direction of the templar fort and you couldn´t miss the small troop of men coming into our direction. I believed to hear the clatter of their weapons and saw a blade of one of their bayonets flashing up in the light of the setting sun from time to time. Obviously the templar troop had detected us, too. Calls sounded and the men quickened their steps.  
"Prepare yourself", Connor shortly ordered his brothers to do and grabbed my arm to pull me behind him. "You will stay with me and do what I say, understood?"  
No problem at all. I really wasn´t interested in making an acquaintance with a bayonet. I was still needed by a two months old girl. As well as Connor. But right now he was a warrior and not a father. Aggressively he rotated the tomahawk in his hand before he moved into a threatening posture and stared at the templar guards. Some of them prepared to shoot while the others moved on with their rapiers.

"Take cover behind the cart", Connor shortly ordered me to do, before he started running and throw himself into the fight. The other assassins followed him and while the clatter of meeting weapons sounded, I hid behind the prison cart. Soon the first shots were fired and I winced when some bullets made the wood of the cart splinter. Nervous I looked to the horses who were stumping uneasily on the spot. If they should bolt now, I could forget my cover. Carefully I peeked past the cart and caught a glimpse of Connor, who was just fighting against two guards. He killed one with a well aimed strike of the tomahawk, the other was riddled with his comrades bullets as Connor used him as a human shield. The other three assassins were also entirely busy with fighting and by the look of it, they had the full attention of the riflemen. Slowly I bent my knees a bit and felt along the reins and straps to the buckles which were connecting the horses' harnesses with the cart. I pulled the dagger out of my belt and started a first attempt to cut the leather straps. I could open the buckles directly, but I wasn´t able to reach the second horse on the side of the fighting men. So I had to lean forward after I had loosened the first animal from the cart, to do the same with the other one. While doing so, my gaze slid to the riflemen over and over again. They were still concentrated on the assassins. The troop used to have fifteen men. About the half of them was already laying on the ground and the assassins were whirling between the guards as agile as always. So nobody noticed that I was finally freeing the horses from their load.

The horses pranced uneasily but where hold back by me with a light pull of the reins. I grabbed behind me and took the whip from the coach-box. Tying the reins into a knot I stepped to the horses' sides and tried to guess in which direction they would run to. The left side was blocked by thick bushes, the middle of the street by the fighting men but it was probably the direct way, if the animals wanted to run away from here. I dropped the knotted reins, uttered a high call and snapped the whip against the side of the horse close to me. The animals ran off in an instant and towards the row of riflemen who weren´t able to react in time. Two men were stamped down while three others fell groaning to the ground. Stephane and Duncan used this chance, finished their current fights and were by the side of the laying men shortly afterwards to kill them at last. It didn´t take long until the last enemies were killed, too. All of them except of one. In the fading light of the day I saw a single figure running back to the fort. But I wasn´t the only one who had detected it. Connor took the bow off his shoulders, put an arrow to the string entirely calm, aimed and shot. The arrow whistled through the air and hit the fleeing man in his back. He stumbled, fell and lay motionless on the street.  
"They will not be the last." Connor adjusted the bow on his shoulders again and looked at Stephane. "Where can we meet?"  
"At Sam Adams'. He is already expecting us."  
Connor nodded. "Good. Then we will split up. Make sure that nobody follows you before you go to Adams."  
The assassins nodded silently and disappeared into three different directions shortly afterwards. Connor chose the forth, took the street to the fort and he even didn´t turn around to me when he went off with large steps. He just expected me to follow him and I did of course. But for each of his steps, I had to make two so that I soon began to run to keep up with him. Wordlessly he led me further up the street, straight forward for a good distance and directly towards the templar fort, the wall already appearing in the distance. The question, why we weren´t staying aside the street, over the fields towards the city, was already on the tip of my tongue. But I kept it to myself. Because every time I looked at Connor, I could see the tension in his face and just stuck to the faith I had in him. He would risk no confrontation as long as I was with him. At least I hoped so.

When the street forked in front of us and led towards the city on our left, I took a sigh of relief. The fork came exactly at the right time. We were so close to the fort that I was able to see the gate and it opened in this moment to release several armed men, on horseback and on foot. They saw us and panic seized me when the riders drove on their horses and steered them into our direction. Connor stopped, took a pouch from his belt and pushed it into my hand.  
"Run to the city. Do not stop, do not turn around and do not choose a destination for now. If they come close to you, use the smoke bombs. When you think you have lost them, seek a safe hideout and wait for me. I will find you."  
His voice was entirely calm when he made all these orders, while I just wanted to take to my heels by the sight of the approaching riders.  
"And what about you?", I asked nevertheless.  
"I try to distract them", was the simple answer before Connor pushed me and I was more or less forced to run. I gathered my skirt and run along the street towards the city as if the devil himself was after me. Behind me I heard the shouts of the guards and the stumping and neighing of the horses. When I glanced over my shoulder, I saw Connor´s white coated figure running straight through the group of men, tearing somebody down here and there, but basically angling for making them follow him. He only succeeded partly. Two riders, who actually should have followed the assassin, shouted something to their comrades and galloped after me shortly afterwards.  
"Oh great", I murmured, clenched my teeth and tried to quicken my pace.

By now the sun had disappeared behind the roofs of Boston and everything around me was shrouded in darkness. Nevertheless I tried to search my environment for an opportunity to escape the riders somehow. If I stayed on the road, they would reach me soon. The breathing of their horses was already audible. Without further ado I doubled to the right, climbed over a fence and kept running on an open field. It didn´t offered the best ground to run on. Again and again my feet sank into the loose soil as if I was running through deep snow in winter. Furthermore the fence wasn´t an obstacle for the horses. I heard them jump over it and keep following me. But it was also difficult for them to find footing on this ground. I heard one of the riders curse. "Just shoot her, damn it!"  
 _Shoot?!_ Again I glanced over my shoulder and my eyes widened in shock when I really saw how one of my pursuers trained his rifle on me. Instantly I began to double, hoping not to be an easy target like that. Nevertheless I heard a bang behind me and screamed appalled as the soil beside me sprayed up when the bullet hit it. That was how a deer must feel when it was hunted. But at least the fear of being shot like a deer made me quicken my pace because I was close to the edge of the field. Behind it were the first houses. If I past them, I would reach the city soon and then the men on their horses would have their difficulties to follow me. While the rifleman behind me reloaded his rifle audibly, I leaped forward, felt the more solid ground beneath my feet, doubled again and ran to the houses behind the field. Past them, under clotheslines, over a fence and finally towards the first houses in the city.

My lungs were burning and I asked myself how often I had run away from men with weapons in the past. Two times? Three times? Anyway, my fitness hadn´t become better since then, but obviously it didn´t matter when you were running for your life. Although my body was screaming for a break, my head was driving my legs on and so I kept running. The horses' hooves were now clearly audible on the partly paved streets of Boston when I ran through a side alley towards one of the main streets. Here were still several inhabitants romping about, who appalled jumped aside when I pushed myself past them and they were close to be trampled down by two horses shortly afterwards. I ignored their angry calls while I ran to another alley. But before I reached it, two guards in the blue uniform of the patriots appeared in front of me all of the sudden. They held their rapiers into my direction and the riders behind me called out that they should stop me.  
 _Forget it._  
Abruptly I turned to the left, avoided a cart in the right moment, pushed myself past a strolling couple and just ran to another alley. I barely knew my way around in Boston, but luckily the city was crossed by small side roads which were partly so crooked that you could reach every part of the city if you followed them. I wanted to use that now. I turned into the alley, followed by the guards who hadn´t been impressed by the obstacles I had overcome. I heard their heavy steps behind me while I kept running and looked for another way to escape them. But to my own horror, I noticed that I had run straight into a blind alley.

To my right and to my left were houses. In front of me a wooden fence. I couldn´t climb over it. I could try to squeeze through a gap where a board was missing. But it would take time and they would catch me before I was just halfway through it. Sliding I stopped in front of the fence and cursed quietly when the steps of the men behind me faded away, too.  
"Well, it seems like this is the end for you", one of them said spitefully and when I turned around to them, they appeared satisfied. Where they proud of having caught an almost unarmed woman? Obviously. Also the men who had left their horses on the street, came to us and grinned widely. Were they going to shoot me now or just arrest me? Uncertain I looked back and forth between them until I suddenly remembered the pouch Connor had given me. I had tied it to my belt and now I slowly opened the fastening with one hand, grabbed inside and felt for one of the small balls. Connor had said I should use them. Smoke bombs, if I wasn´t mistaken and hopefully they would distract the men. Then I could use the time to slip through the fence and disappear. I couldn´t stop myself from grinning triumphantly when I pulled the bomb out of the pouch.  
"Be careful, lady", one of the men growled and trained his rifle on me. But when he saw the inconspicuous ball in my hand, he smirked. "Do you want to throw stones at us?", he asked me amused and I shook my head.  
"I just wanted to bid farewell", I said – maybe a bit too theatrically – and threw the smoke bomb in front of the men´s feet vigorously. It hit the ground with a muffled sound, rolled a bit, stopped and...nothing. I as well as the men stared at the small round thing on the ground, which was laying there entirely useless. I could have smitten my forehead when I noticed the short fuse on the bomb. A look into the pouch and I found the small tinder box.  
 _What a stroke of genius. You want to use a bomb and don´t think of igniting it. Good job, Lillian._  
The men in front of me raised their eyes and looked at me as if they doubted my intelligence like I did.  
"Oops." I laughed nervously and raised my hands. "I think, I reconsidered. I will stay a bit longer."

The man who had just laughed about me, raised an eyebrow before he took a step towards me. But in this moment the bang of a shot sounded. The smoke bomb burst with a puffing sound and released the white smoke that was giving it its name. It surrounded us, so thick that it was difficult to see the own hand in front of your eyes. The smoke was reeking terribly and its sharp scent made me cough, but the four men had their difficulties, too. But soon not only because of the smoke. I heard a muffled noise, as if something heavy hit the ground, connected with the death rattle of two men. Then again two screams of pain and the characteristic sound of a hidden blade, sliding back into its bracer. Then a familiar silhouette rose close to me in the smoke.  
"A _bomb_ , Lillian. You have to ignite them and not just throw them to the ground."  
Never before I had been so relieved to hear Connor´s instructive tone.  
"It was an act in the heat of the moment", I replied sharply anyway and he uttered an indignant snort.  
"Of course", he said dryly and because the smoke was slowly vanishing, I could see him better and better. As well as the four bodies behind him. He followed my gaze with his own.  
"There are still a few after us. We should leave."  
"Us? Those were the only ones who were after me."  
Connor raised an eyebrow and I held back every other precocious comment.

Wordlessly Connor stepped to the fence, bent down a bit, formed a bowl with his hands, held them on a level with his knees and gave me an expectant look, while I was just looking at him uncomprehendingly. Connor sighed.  
"Give me your foot. I will lift you over the fence", he said slowly, as if he had to explain the alphabet to a child. I really was a bit slow-witted today...  
But I did as I was told and shortly afterwards I stood next to Connor by another street which was entirely empty.  
"Follow me", Connor unnecessarily ordered me to do when he already began to run. I certainly didn´t plan to leave him somehow. So I tried to stay close to him when we ran along the street. We stopped at every corner and every crossroad, Connor checked if there were guards around and then we continued on our way. I was almost sure that we could make it to Adams' house without being detected, but I was soon put right. When we just ran into a side-road, a shot sounded and again it hit the ground close to me. Connor pulled me behind him in an instant and his searching gaze moved to the roofs. On one of them stood a rifleman, reloading his weapon.  
"Stop, or next time I will hit the target", he called down to us entirely relaxed and I was almost willing to laugh. He was alone after all. At least I thought so because in front of us appeared five soldiers, all of them training their weapons on us.

"And now?", I whispered to Connor, who probably would have fled over the roofs already, if I wasn´t with him.  
"Are you still able to run?", he just asked me and when I nodded hesitantly, he murmured: "Then run", before he pushed me to the right, where another alley led into the darkness. Connor himself ran to the left. I heard the soldiers call out angrily, but obviously they were so surprised at first that they didn´t follow us in an instant. I ran through the alley, heard another call behind me and shortly afterwards the sound of feet hitting roof tiles to my right. I raised my eyes and smirked when I saw Connor, running easily along the edge of the roof.  
"To the right, follow the alley and then to the left. I will wait for you there", he called out to me, before he quickened his pace, jumped over a narrow street canyon and disappeared on the left side of the street. I always feared that someone could slit his throat, but wasn´t concerned when I saw him risking a broken neck like that. Probably because by now, nothing about Connor surprised me anymore.

I followed his instructions and listened, if someone was following me. But until now everything was silent, but only until I had turned around the last corner Connor had mentioned. Now I stood in the middle of a backyard and from the street nearby, I could hear the voices of the soldiers who were searching for us. But I couldn´t get away from here. The backyard was a dead end. Either I ran to the street and into the men´s arms, or I ran back the way I had come from. But Connor had said that he would wait for me here, but I couldn´t see him anywhere and the voices were getting louder.  
"Damn it", I murmured and crossed the backyard with slow steps, looking up to the roofs. Had Connor fallen down? Or had I made a wrong turn? No. Because when I just lowered my eyes, I saw an arm shooting up from a haystack next to me, before I was grabbed by said arm and was pulled into the haystack. An appalled sound was stuck somewhere on the way from my throat to my lips, when the hay´s stalks tickled my face and tried to penetrate my mouth, nose and ears. Snorting I tried to free my mouth and nose at least, but I wasn´t able to raise my arm. Connor was practically laying on top of me, his elbows propped beside my head and his nose only millimetres away from mine.  
"Be quiet", he murmured and I frowned irritated.  
"But I´m not eating hay", I growled and made Connor utter an annoyed snort. The hay around us rustled, when he raised his arm slightly and ran his thumb over my lips. He stroked the stalks away, which stuck there, but in this moment I really had the feeling that sometimes there were two different Connor Kenways. The assassin, who was sometimes a bit rough and uncouth, without any sense of sensitivity, but also the gentle and very affectionate man I was sharing my bed with and whose touches I was always enjoying immensely. That didn´t mean that I couldn´t enjoy the assassin´s closeness. In the contrary. I loved everything about Connor after all. But did he have to stroke over my lips, as if he was sharpening his blades?  
"Ouch", I uttered, when a short ache ran through my upper lip and I turned my head away from him.  
"I just wanted to help", Connor grumbled sourly and turned his head to the side, too. In the end, the rough assassin just meant it well.  
"Thank you", I murmured conciliatorily, lifted my head a bit and kissed the corner of his mouth. I felt how it rose slightly, but Connor´s voice was still grouchy, when he ordered me to stay silent. So we stayed in the scratchy haystack for a while and waited for the soldiers to give up the search for us.


	33. Chapter 33

_**Reviews:**_

 **Luthlien:** _Yes, I think he was a bit angry about Lillian. ^^ He just wants her to be safe after all and knows that she can´t defend herself, if it should became necessary and he isn´t with her. But he will get over it soon. ;)_

* * *

 **Back to the start again**

"It´s starting to get comfortable." I couldn´t hold back this dry comment. It felt like we were laying in this haystack for hours now and although I couldn´t hear anything that would indicate the presence of soldiers nearby, Connor didn´t made a move to leave our hideout. Entirely motionless he lay there and I admired him for being able to prop up himself on his elbows for so long, so that I wasn´t crushed by his weight. Nevertheless I had the feeling that my legs were becoming numb. The hay rustled quietly when Connor finally began to move slightly.  
"I think they are gone", he murmured and had stood up shortly afterwards. Now that his body wasn´t laying over me like a barrier anymore, the whole hay slumped down on me and I would have cursed, if my face wasn´t buried under the scratchy stalks like this. I kicked my legs a bit and tried to find support in the hay so sit up somehow. But I found none. Helpless I stretched out my arms which reached the surface at least, but at first I only felt the cold night air on my skin. With my lips pressed together, I uttered a noise that hopefully was loud enough to be heard by Connor. It was. Each of his hands grabbed one of my wrists and shortly afterwards Connor effortlessly pulled me out of the haystack and I got firm ground under my feet again. In an instant I ran my hands over my face, freed it from remaining stalks and began to hectically beat my clothes. It itched and scratched everywhere and I envied Connor, because obviously only a few simple beats against his robes were enough to remove the remains of our hideout from them. His hood had done the rest. I had to open my braid to shake my hair out, too. Soon the ground around me was covered by single stacks, but with a quiet curse I noticed that they also had found their way into my neckline. I took a step to Connor so that he covered me, as if anybody else in the darkness could watch me fishing the last stacks out of my décolleté.

When I raised my eyes again, I saw that Connor had turned his gaze away. Because of a certain sense of decency or just because he had an eye on the environment, I didn´t ask for it. When he noticed that I was looking at him, he turned his gaze to me again and as if he had given me a silent signal, he went on towards the street. I followed and stayed close to him. The moon was already high over Boston, but its light was hidden behind thick clouds. So it was entirely dark in town, except of some burning lanterns here and there. But the darkness was good for us. We stayed in the shadows of the buildings, evaded appearing soldiers with turning into other streets and alleys or entirely turning around if there was no deviation we could use. Although I felt safe in Connor´s presence, I always became afraid when soldiers or templar guards almost crossed our way. So I was relieved when we finally approached the house of family Adams and stopped in front of their door. The windows were still enlightened. So they were waiting for us, but when Connor just wanted to raise his fist to knock, I grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"Wait", I said with a quiet voice and Connor turned to me frowning. "Are you really fine?", I asked and he nodded slowly. "So they didn´t harm you when you were their prisoner?"  
My voice sounded insecure and a hidden fear was noticeable in it. The fear I had felt since I had learned about Connor´s arrest. But it seemed like he didn´t understand what I meant and why I was asking these questions. He shook his head.  
"I think that was not their intention. They only wanted to get us out of their way and to expose us to the judgment of a court. Except of some strikes, they could not do much to us."  
Silently I looked into his eyes and I shortly felt anger flaring up inside of me. He said it as if it was nothing that the templars had tried to blame him and the others for the crimes of Ray and his gang. That there was no difference in the way the templars hurt him. No matter if with simple strikes or something worse. But probably there was really no difference for Connor and so I lowered my eyes again sighing.  
"Well, if it were only some strikes, it´s fine", I murmured and looked at the spots of light falling through the windows onto the wooden floor to my feet.  
"What did you think they would do to us?", Connor asked, when I thought that this conversation was over and I raised my eyes again, only to look at the door next to me. I chewed on my bottom lip, took a deep breath and tried to hold back the tears which were rising into my eyes, before I looked at him again.  
"What do you think?", I asked, almost angry. He really didn´t know which memories I was associating with his arrest, although I had actually thought that he remembered them well enough himself.  
"I saw you hanging from the ceiling in chains in the darkness. Beaten black and blue and half dead. That´s why I had to come here and couldn´t wait for your release at home."

Silently Connor looked at me, but it wasn´t a questioning gaze anymore. Now he seemed to understand what I had meant. That I had feared the templar could hurt him like they had done in London. But that I could really lose him this time. I hoped that he also understood that this was the reason why I was here. He always did everything to protect me and others and even though I couldn´t do it in the way he did it, I basically wanted the same. If it was possible for me, I would always try everything to save him from harm. Probably Connor thought that there was no reason for me to protect him, but I thought that I had every reason for it. I loved him and it already wasn´t just about protecting him, so that I didn´t lose him. Now there was also Emily who needed him.  
"I am fine", Connor assured me and a short smile flitted across his lips which was obviously supposed to reassure me. I smiled faintly, too. It was obvious that he was fine and I should be glad about it, instead of thinking about the past. He was free and healthy. That was basically everything I had wanted.  
"Shall we then?" Connor raised his fist to knock, but again I grabbed his arm. I stepped to him, put my hand on his chest and kissed his lips. It was just a light touch, but I had needed it to ban the last concerns and fears for Connor from my mind. Smiling I stepped back from him.  
"Now we can go", I said and knocked on the door shortly afterwards.

Surry, the family´s maid, opened and led us to the parlour, where the others were already waiting for us. The three assassins were obviously unharmed. Samuel Adams leaned by the fireplace, a pipe in the corner of his mouth and Maria was sitting in an armchair, rocking Emily in her arms. I shortly greeted everyone, but my way led me directly to Maria and I carefully took my daughter from her. She was awake and a loving smile appeared on my lips when I spoke quietly to her and she reacted with a squealing sound, before she closed her eyes, when I began to rock her.  
"Was everything alright?", I asked Maria, sat down on an armchair next to her and she nodded smiling.  
"In the beginning she cried, but after some time she fell asleep. She just woke up."  
Pleased with this answer I looked down at Emily again, until I heard Maria chuckle. I felt a light pull in my hair when my friend pulled a green stack out of it.  
"Where have you been?", she asked amused and I squinched up my face. I had hoped that I had got rid of the whole hay.  
"Connor tore me into a haystack", I answered grimly and this time Maria´s laughter became louder, so that the present men, who had been talking about the rescue until now, looked at us. Irritated I looked at Maria who bent down to Emily and murmured, clearly audible: "Well, maybe you´re having a sibling soon."  
"Maria! That´s not what I meant!" My jaw almost dropped and I felt how I blushed as my gaze slid though the room. Everyone, including Connor, was looking at us. They appeared partly confused, partly amused. Sam Adams seemed to be suppressing a laughter, as well as Duncan.  
"We were hiding!", I emphasized. "We didn´t...well...you know what I want to say."  
Hastily I lowered my eyes and wished that the ground would open and swallow me, while Maria was still enjoying herself immensely. Why was she always so cheeky and direct?  
Clearing my throat I lifted Emily to my shoulder and stood up. "Sam, do you have a quiet room where I can put the little one to sleep until you spoke about everything?", I asked our host and hoped that my cheeks weren´t still glowing.  
"Of course." Sam Adams smiled, but I could still see this amused sparkle in his eyes. "I thought, maybe it is better, if you would stay for the night. Surry already prepared the guest room for you and the former room of our daughter for Maria. She will show you the way, if you want to."  
I nodded gratefully and wished everybody a good night, before Surry led Maria and me upstairs. I would have liked to stay in the parlour to listen to the men´s conversation, but to care for Emily still had priority. Furthermore I didn´t want to stay there after Maria´s jokes. Certainly she had meant no harm and hadn´t intended to joke about me, but nevertheless I didn´t feel like letting others amuse themselves about me.

Finally in the guest room and alone with Emily, I sat down on the bed at first, to nurse my daughter and to prepare a bed of pillows afterwards, because of a lack of a cradle and carefully I bedded her on it. It was always wonderful to watch how Emily lay there, entirely satisfied and falling asleep a few minutes later. For her there were no fears and concerns keeping her awake. Everything she needed was a full stomach, a dry napkin, a soft bed and the closeness of someone who loved her and cared for her. It was enviable and I hoped that it would stay like this for her a while longer.  
I turned off the light, undressed to my shift and laid down on the bed next to Emily shortly afterwards. Carefully I spread the blanket over us and caressed the soft shock of hair on her little head. Soon my thoughts wandered to the men, who were probably talking about their next steps against the templars and Ray´s gang right now, but soon my tiredness gained the upper hand and I fell asleep. After some time I was woken by the cold air brushing me, as Connor lifted the blanket and laid down on the bed to us. Carefully, so that I didn´t woke Emily up, I turned on my back and Connor, who was laying on the side propped on his arm, paused in his movement when he noticed like this that I was still awake.

"Did you decided how to go on?", I asked quietly, but even though he was nothing more than a shadow next to me, I saw that Connor shook his head.  
"I will explain it to you tomorrow. Sleep now."  
I would have liked to contradict, but when Connor lay down, I turned onto my side and with the back to him again. Even though I wanted to learn now, what they had talked about, I wanted to give Connor the chance to rest. During the last days he certainly hadn´t come to rest and basically I wanted to enjoy that he was with me again. But there was one question I couldn´t hold back.  
"Nobody said something about Maria´s...comment, didn´t they?"  
Shortly it was entirely silent until Connor wrapped an arm around me and I felt his breath brushing the nape of my neck.  
"You mean the one about the haystack?", he asked a question in return and inwardly I was irritated about his amused undertone.  
"It was embarrassing for me", I said, a bit offended and I heard Connor smirk.  
"You made it even worse yourself. We did not hear anything else but that Maria was saying something about a sibling. Only when you began to justify yourself, we could imagine the rest. Nobody would have known what you were talking about."  
Oh, great. So I had made myself become the centre of everybody´s amusement. Again. Grimly I buried my head in my arms and decided that from now on, I would say nothing about a topic that could become embarrassing for me anymore.

Connor´s arm around my hip tensed, when he effortlessly pulled me closer, until my back rested against his chest. Shortly he pressed his lips against the nape of my neck, before his breath tickled my skin again when he murmured: "Do not think about it. Nobody talked about it and nobody will."  
"I hope so."  
I stared into the darkness for a while and felt how Connor´s arm relaxed more and more and his hand slid from my hip, when he quickly fell asleep. Carefully I grabbed it, led it further up to my belly and while my thump gently caressed the back of Connor´s hand, I closed my eyes, listened to his regular breathing and finally let my tiredness lead me back into the world of sleep.

* * *

In the next morning we were four of us, sitting in the parlour of the Adams' and shrouding ourselves in a thoughtful, maybe even a morose silence. Connor, supported by Sam Adams, had told Maria and me about the newest insights regarding Ray´s gang. It had come to light that the templars were searching for them as long as we did, but they had been more successful over the last days. In New York, as well as in Philadelphia and here in Boston, they had busted several hideouts of the gang and had arrested some members. Ray´s men had been forced to split up, which meant that they were defeated for now. They had no opportunities to act, or rather they had to gather again at first, but therefore they had probably not enough resources. The templars had distributed the stolen goods, they had been able to find, to their owners again. For the good will, like they said, but for Connor this apparently friendly gesture was a sign for the real intentions of the templar´s.

After the war of independence, the state of the Americans was still in its infancy, so it was the perfect chance for the templars to subliminally establish themselves and to try to get their own order through. Some of their men were already holding positions with great power of decision and if they supported the people with protecting them from criminals like Ray and his men, their chances were quite good. To blame the assassins on complicity, was another chance to harm them. Callaghan had said that he had felt the acting of the assassins to be an interference. That we didn´t know what it was actually about. Sam Adams had already told Connor about this conversation and even though my husband was sure about his present supposition, he believed that the templars were also planning something else. Something that had nothing to do with their own kind of politics. But nobody of us knew what this could be. But it wasn´t the only thing we thought about. Ray´s gang was defeated for the most part, his plans practically destroyed. But my brother had disappeared and the templars had already started searching for him, but until now they had no trace to him. I didn´t know if I should be glad that Ray was gone. I had always wished for it over the last days and weeks, but somehow I didn´t like the thought that the templars were chasing him now. I could say that I didn´t care and that it would be easier for us, if the order took care of him. But I doubted that they were searching for him because they wanted to bring him before the judge and Connor thought the same when I mentioned it.  
"We will search for him, too and we will find him before the templars do", he decided determined, although we had no indication for Ray´s whereabouts until now. We were practically back to the start again.  
"And what shall we do now?", I asked into the silence that had spread inside the room after some time. The current helplessness was almost seizable. Connor, who was standing in front of the extinct fireplace with his arms crossed, glanced at me, but then his attention turned to Emily, who was laying in my arms, happily sucking on her tiny fist.  
"We should go home", he said. "I have to think about how to go on to find Ray."  
I nodded. I wanted to go home, too and not only because of Emily. I felt better when I could have some distance to the templars until we knew how to go on.

So we were just ready to go when there was a knock on the front door and Surry led Clipper Wilkinson into the parlour shortly afterwards. Connor´s expression got tensed in an instant, because it seemed like the other assassin had been in a hurry to come here.  
"We got a member of the gang", he told us. "A young woman. She escaped the templars but directly ran into Stephane´s arms. He´s detaining her. Maybe she can help us about Jarvis."  
Connor knitted his eyebrows when he heard that and even I winced, as his gaze shortly became threatening.  
"What do you mean with: 'He´s detaining her'?", he asked slowly and now Clipper appeared uncertain.  
"Well, she wanted to flee. He bound her, but she didn´t get injured, if you think that."  
Silently Connor looked at the fireplace, before he nodded after some time, as if he had made a decision.  
"I will come with you", he told Clipper and instantly went to the door.  
"Wait!" I had leaped up and had laid Emily into the arms of the surprised Maria, before I ran after Connor and Clipper. The former looked at me with raised eyebrows.  
"I will come with you", I told him whereupon Connor shook his head vigorously.  
"Not again, Lillian. Leave it to us."  
"Because it´s too dangerous? You´re detaining a woman and there are at least three of you. Come on."  
"But there are still posters of us in town. We already took care that they will disappear soon, but until then it is not safe." It had been Clipper who had spoken and at whom I was now staring with wide eyes.  
"There are wanted posters of me?!"  
He nodded slowly. Well, this was getting better and better. Now they were already searching for me, as if I was some criminal. And I had only...helped to attack a prisoner transport.  
"It is better you stay here", Connor used this new information for himself and already went on to leave the house. But this matter wasn´t over for me yet. If this woman really knew where Ray was, I wanted to be there when she told it and that they had decorated the town with posters with my face on them, wouldn´t stop me. It was the same issue with Connor´s and Clipper´s faces. Why shouldn´t I hesitate if they were with me?

"Maria. Could I borrow your scarf?", I asked my friend, but didn´t wait for an answer. I took the scarf off her on my own and while I followed the assassin with hurried steps, I wrapped it around my head, hid my hair underneath it and pulled it into my face a bit. The front door had already closed behind Connor and Clipper and when I stepped outside, too, they were already walking down the street. I hurried up with following them and when I had almost reached them, Connor turned around. Grimly he looked my headpiece over and I almost expected him to send me back. But he didn´t. Wordlessly he turned away and went on. Even when I walked beside him, he didn´t say anything about it. He just stared straight forward and no one said a word until we reached the tavern where Stephane was the innkeeper. Clipper knocked on the door, a bolt was pushed back and Duncan let us enter shortly afterwards, before bolting the door behind us again. I pushed the scarf off my head and looked through the empty tavern, before I followed the three men through an inconspicuous door into a storage. Several crates and barrels were stacked here, covering the only window. A single lantern was lighting up the room and I almost hadn´t noticed Stephane, who was leaning against a crate in the shadows, his arms crossed and looking at Connor expectantly.  
"Until now she didn´t want to say anything. But I think, it would be better anyway, if you take care of it", he said and now my gaze moved to the young woman, who was sitting on a chair, her ankles tied to the chair legs and her hands bonded behind her back.

Her straw-coloured braid was already resolving and some strands hung in a tender face with ice-blue eyes, shining provocatively. She had a mocking smile on her lips while she looked us over, one after another. It didn´t look like she was afraid and I was almost admiring her for it. I wouldn´t have been able to sit there so calmly, while four strong and armed men were standing in front of me, even though two of them were leaving the room now. Clipper and Duncan closed the door behind themselves from the outside and while I stayed in the shadows by the door and Stephane stayed where he was, too, Connor approached the young woman.  
"What is your name?", he asked calmly. He had turned his back on me, but I could still tell by his posture that he didn´t intend to threaten her. He was standing two steps away from her, his hands folded in front of his body, far enough from his weapons. But like I had thought before, she didn´t seem to be afraid. Her smile widened and she cocked her head when she looked at Connor.  
"Eso a ti te importa una mierda", she said sweetly and after Connor had glanced at Stephane, who shrugged his shoulders, he also looked at me. I recognized that she was talking Spanish, but I wasn´t versed in this language. But it hadn´t sounded quite friendly.

Connor turned to her again. "I know that you can speak English", he said, as calm as always. "I have already seen you in Philadelphia. You are working for Raymond Jarvis and that is why I think that you can tell us where he is."  
The woman´s smile turned into a grin and she cocked her head again. Was that...supposed to be a flirtatious look?  
"Is that so? If I knew it, why should I tell you?" She spoke without any accent. The only conspicuous thing about her voice was this provocative, but also bitter sweet undertone. As if she was seriously trying to wrap Connor around her finger, but she didn´t know him. He was entirely unimpressed by it.  
"We will let you go and you do not have to be afraid of us", Connor simply answered. She uttered a theatrical sigh and began to writhe her torso back and forth. The ropes around her ankles and wrists creaked quietly and I could see how they scraped along her pants and bare skin. I remembered how Nathan had tied me up like this. The scraping of the robes had burnt like fire and the created grazes had still hurt terribly while healing. But the blonde didn´t squinch up her face. She actually provoked to get hurt.

"You say I don´t have to be afraid. So why are you tying me up? It would be much easier to talk, if I´m not sitting here, tied like a packet, don´t you think?"  
"Because you are a prickly bitch, that is why." Stephane slightly moved in the shadows and I could see how he glared at the young woman. I looked at her again. She was very petite, had almost my size. If I had met her on the street, I would have doubted that she really was able to defend herself. But her appearance and the fact that she had had to assert herself in Ray´s group among men, were giving me another feeling. Nevertheless it seemed like Connor had decided to release her. He took a step towards her, let his hidden bade snap out and raised it slightly, so that it shined in the light of the lantern.  
"I will release you, but if you should try any foolish actions, it will not do you good, understood?"  
"Claro, guapo."  
Connor cut the ropes and stepped in front of her again. The young woman uttered a long sigh and began to stretch and sprawl like a cat. She really seemed to have no shyness. She sat up in the chair and folded her hands on her knees, while she didn´t turn her eyes away from Connor.  
"Now we can talk."


	34. Chapter 34

**Uncertainties**

Only the muffled rumble of the crate was to hear, when Connor pulled it closer to sit down in front of the blonde. No one said a word. Stephane and I stayed in the background and watched the scene. Connor said upright on the crate, his back straight, his hands lying on each of his knees. The woman hadn´t pulled away from her comparatively relaxed posture. A self-confident smile was on her lips while her eyes looked the assassin in front of her over. She didn´t paid attention to us others at all. It didn´t appear like she was a prisoner who was supposed to give answers. In the contrary. She seemed to enjoy this situation.  
"What is your name?", Connor repeated his first question, the woman´s smile widened again and I expected another rejection. But she just cocked her head and asked in return: "What is yours?"  
She was clever. Obviously she didn´t intend to give Connor the feeling that he was in control of this conversation. That she wasn´t equal to him. But the assassin didn´t let himself be swayed bit it, too. After a second of silence he answered shortly with the name he was commonly known with.  
"Connor", the young woman repeated and it looked like she was savouring it. "You don´t look like a Connor."  
Expectantly she looked at him, the silent question in her eyes was visible even for me. This time Connor hesitated a bit longer, probably because he wanted to guess, if she was intending something with her questions.  
"The name I was born with is Ratonhnhaké:ton", he finally answered and the young woman nodded slowly, before she repeated the name to herself several times. I just saw how she moved her lips and remembered when Connor had told me his name for the first time. It had taken long until I had been able to pronounce it correctly and I couldn´t hide my malicious joy when I watched her trying it, too.

"Well then, Ratonhnhaké:ton."  
My eyebrows shot up when she said this name without a stumble of her tongue.  
"You want to know where Ray Jarvis is, am I right?"  
Connor nodded and the woman leaned back on the chair. It became more and more obvious that she was enjoying this situation and it stirred up my distrust. When she really knew what we wanted to know and felt that we wanted this information badly, she could use it to have us in her hands. At least she could think that because I doubted that Connor would get involved in such games. He would rather search Ray on his own.  
"The problem is that I never had much to do with the boss. I always had to deal with those who gave me his orders. I just met him once and didn´t talk to him at all." She shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever you are expecting from me, I fear I can´t help you."  
Silence, which was based on indignation and bewilderment for my part. I had firmly believed that this self-confident behaviour of hers meant that she really knew something. But now she was sitting in front of Connor and claimed that she didn´t know anything at all?

Stephane seemed to share my thoughts. He moved out of the shadows and stepped beside Connor, his fist raised towards the woman.  
"After all your little games you want to make us believe that you know nothing about your boss?"  
The blonde smiled at him smugly, while Connor raised a hand and firmly pushed Stephane´s fist down. The men shared a wordless gaze, before Stephane withdrew into his corner again growling.  
"I think you misunderstood me. You wanted to know where Ray is and I told you, that I don´t know it."  
"But you know something else about him?"  
The young woman looked at Connor again and shrugged her shoulders smiling. "Maybe."  
Tensed I pressed my lips together. Stephane wasn´t wrong with saying that she was playing games. She was shameless, but in her own way clever and cunning. She kept her cards close to her chest, although she was in a quite hopeless situation. But obviously she relied on Connor´s word that she didn´t have to fear anything and much to my regret, she was right to do so. Connor would stay true to his word, no matter how much he hoped for information from her.

I heard how Connor took a deep breath, before he leaned a bit forward, his elbows propped on his knees and his hands folded. "Please, tell us what you know about him. We have to find him."  
"Like so many others." She chuckled and leaned a bit forward, too, looking straight into Connor´s eyes. "I could tell you where he probably is, but for that, you have to do something for me."  
"What do you want?", Connor asked directly but with distrust. The young woman laughed again.  
"Safe conduct out of the city. Everywhere some armed idiot is searching for me and you´re looking like you´re good in hiding from such people. Promise to me that you will bring me out of Boston in one piece and I will tell you."  
Connor leaned back again and seemed to think about her offer. If it were up to me, he should reject it. She had carried out Ray´s orders and so she was guilty of all the crimes most of her comrades where sitting in prison for, too. She also deserved it and strictly speaking she could tell us everything, if she got what she wanted. So I silently shook my head, when Connor gave me a short look over his shoulder, although I wasn´t sure if it had been questioning. But it seemed like my opinion didn´t matter anyway.  
"Well then", he started. "I will accompany you into the frontier. But I want you to tell me everything you know about Jarvis' possible whereabouts right now."  
"I agree." She answered without hesitation and seemed to be more than pleased with the course of this conversation. I wasn´t. I just didn´t trust her and at the same time I didn´t think that she deserved the freedom Connor had granted to her. She was a criminal and who knew what she was going to do in the frontier to secure her survival? She certainly had enough experiences in attacking other people after all.

Grimly I crossed my arms in front of my chest and watched the young woman sprawling relaxed on the chair and giving Connor a wide smile whose nature I couldn´t judge. It was neither mocking nor ironic, but it was also not friendly. It confirmed my assessment that I didn´t trust her at all and I asked myself, what Connor was thinking when he wanted to help her. He didn´t say a word while we were all waiting for her to fulfil her part of the deal.  
"Like I said, I never really talked to him. The only thing I know about him is what I had been told or what I had been able to watch on my own and it isn´t much", she started and to my own surprise, her smile vanished. Suddenly she appeared totally serious. "But we all know that he bought a house in Savannah some time ago. I just saw it once from outside. A real manor, but I really don´t know how he got it. Anyway, he put the spoils, he wanted to keep for himself, there. They say, he said once that he´s preparing it to retire there, when everything is over and he has fulfilled his aims. He spent much time there, so he´s probably there."  
"There is no other place?"  
She shook her head. "Not as far as I know."  
Connor glanced over his shoulder and looked at me. So we had a trace, although I still wasn´t sure, if we could trust it.

* * *

"Do you think she spoke the truth?", I asked Connor, who was just harnessing Aldah to the carriage and looked to the young woman, who was leaning in the shadow of a tree some metres away. We were on the property of the Adams again and prepared our journey home. Connor still wanted to keep his word to the woman, so that she was going to accompany us on a part of the way. In Concord our ways would part.  
"It did not look like she was lying", Connor answered my question, tightened the last strap and patted the black horse´s neck. "Furthermore I think it is better to have at least some trace instead of none. Even if Jarvis is not in Savannah, I can probably find out where else he could be."  
"But do you really think Ray bought a house to settle down there?" I followed him when he went to Cobalt to prepare him, too. "It would be too risky. He could be found and arrested there any time. Especially if he is keeping the stolen goods there."  
"He also moved into a fort here in Boston and made no secret of it, when he planned attacks in the city. I doubt that he really cares that he could be caught." Connor put the saddle on Cobalt´s back and looked at me over the horse´s back. "Do not think about it so much. We cannot lose, when we follow this trace. Either it is helpful, or it is not."  
"But normally you want to be sure, too."  
"Normally I do not have to deal with someone I have to find before the templars at all costs. No matter what they want from him, I want to be the one who makes sure that he cannot harm anybody again."  
Maybe he was right. We had to find Ray at all costs, even if it means to eliminate him, although I would want to know what the templars wanted from my brother.

I sighed quietly, turned away and went back to the carriage slowly. My gaze accidentally fell onto the blonde and she looked at me. A meaningless smile curled her lips and suddenly I started to feel uncomfortable under her gaze. For me it was certain that I was going to be glad, as soon as our ways parted again. I wasn´t able to judge her character and her intentions and it was giving me a bad feeling. I was relieved when Maria stepped to me in this moment and made me turning my attention to her.  
"Are you ready to leave?", I asked my friend and was surprised when she blushed.  
"Well, actually...", she started and really seemed to be embarrassed when her gaze flitted over my shoulder. Confused I turned around and saw the young man, who was standing by the gate and seemed to be waiting for someone. It was the merchant´s journeyman. I smirked and turned to Maria again, whose cheeks were now as red as those of an apple.  
"I guess you want to stay a bit longer?"  
She nodded slowly and smiled lightly. "I will come home somehow."  
"Take your time." I smirked and embraced her shortly, before she went to the gate. Her admirer squared his shoulders immediately and I could see him smile. Obviously they had sought and found each other. Only time would tell when they were going to see that, too.  
"Where is Maria going? We wanted to set off."  
I turned my eyes away from the two lovebirds, who were just leaving and looked at Connor, who was looking after them with knitted eyebrows.  
"She is taking care of her future. She will follow us later", I answered with a wide grin, but Connor was still frowning.  
"And who was the man with her?"  
This man was a bit slow-witted sometimes.  
"With an important part of this future", I answered and when his expression didn´t change, I rolled my eyes. "Well, I had to explain to mine, what a marriage proposal is. I hope hers is going to know it on his own."  
Connor looked at me confused, but when I raised an eyebrow, he seemed to understand at last.  
"I see", he just said shortly and looked into the direction Maria had disappeared in, before he turned away and went to Cobalt. "So we can leave now."

Shaking my head but smirking, I followed him with my eyes, before I went to Samuel Adams to bid farewell and thank him for his repeated hospitality. When I finally turned to the carriage, I faltered when I saw how the blonde climbed onto the coach box and took Aldah´s reins. Irritated I knitted my eyebrows and went to her with quick steps.  
"What do you think you´re doing?"  
She turned to me and a mocking expression appeared about her mouth. "Someone has to drive this thing. I thought you´re needing your hands for the brat there." She nodded at Emily I was carrying with me in her sling as always. I glared at her furiously.  
"I get along with the carriage as well as with my _brat_. Thank you", I hissed and in the first moment I was glad when Connor appeared next to me, leading Cobalt by his reins.  
"Is there a problem?", he asked, but made no move to expel the woman from the coach box.  
"There is", I said shortly, not looking away from her. "I will certainly not drive in this carriage, if she is steering it."  
"And I just wanted to help", she unnecessarily added in a sweet tone. Frowning Connor looked back and forth between us and it annoyed me that he didn´t make clear that she had no business on the coach box. Who knew what she could do? Maybe she wanted to run off with the carriage or whatever. To make matters worse, Emily whined quietly in this moment.  
"Maybe you should go into the carriage with Emily", Connor said to me and even held the door open for me. I snorted indignantly.  
"And let her drive? No way."  
"What do you think she can do? I will be right next to you."  
I opened my mouth to say something, but unfortunately I couldn´t think of a good argument against the blonde woman. Furthermore Emily started to cry loudly now and so she was more important than this ridiculous conversation. So I just pressed my lips together, before I climbed into the carriage and tore the door out of Connor´s hand to slam it shut behind me. I ignored his acidulous gaze when I sat down on the padded seat and lifted my daughter out of the sling. Shortly afterwards the carriage started to move with a light jolt.

During the whole journey I stubbornly stared out of the opposite window of the side where Connor was accompanying the carriage, if I didn´t have to take care of Emily who had luckily fallen asleep quickly. No matter how childish it was, I really was offended because he had given the reins to the young woman. We didn´t know anything about her. Not even her name. Normally he was rather distrustful. Hopefully he wouldn´t ask her to come to Davenport with us...  
Luckily he didn´t. When we reached Concord, she stopped the carriage and leaped off the coach box. I could only hear how she bid farewell to Ratonhnhaké:ton, how she kept calling him and she wished him good luck for his search for Ray. Then I saw her disappearing between the trees by the edge of the street. I really was relieved that she was finally gone and so I was more mildly minded towards Connor, when he appeared at the carriage´s door and looked at me.  
"Did you calm down?", he just asked and when I nodded, he appeared more relaxed, too, before he looked at Emily, who was sleeping peacefully in my arms.  
"I will drive", he told me and disappeared from my vision. I heard him tying Cobalt to the carriage, before he climbed onto the coach box and the vehicle moved on again.  
Finally at home he took care of the two horses, while I went into the house to take care of Emily and put her into her bed. I was glad to be here again. After all this recent seesaw, all these questions I was asking myself, I had the feeling that I needed a certain consistency and especially the homestead, this house and my daily life were offering that. But not least I was relieved that Connor was here again, although I knew that he wasn´t going to stay long. Without needing to talk to me about it, I knew that he wanted to travel to Savannah soon to search for Ray there.

So I was prepared for everything when I was standing on the pier in front of the Aquila two days later and bid farewell to Connor. We didn´t know what he had to expect from this journey. If the blonde hadn´t lied to us, Connor was going to find either Ray or at least something else in this house that could tell us more about him. Or she had lied and there was nothing helpful in Savannah at all. That Connor could run directly into a trap was something I didn´t even want to think about. No matter if he was going to find Ray or not, I just hoped that nothing happened to him. But it was him who leaned his forehead against mine and murmured: "Take care of you."  
I didn´t know what he was afraid of. I would stay here in Davenport as always and wait for his return. Unless he thought I would throw myself into some solo attempts again.  
"Don´t worry about us. Caleb is here after all." I smiled faintly and watched him bending down to blow a kiss on his daughter´s little head. Suddenly I asked myself if she was going to notice that he wasn´t here. Would she even notice, if something should happen to him and he didn´t return at all? I gulped and pushed this thought back into the last corner of my mind. I didn´t even want to think about something like that.

Connor pulled me against him one last time, before he went to the Aquila and they set sail shortly afterwards. I stayed on the pier until the masts disappeared on the horizon, before I went back to the house slowly. Close to the stable I saw Caleb, who had his bow firmly in his hands and aimed at a tree a few metres away from him. With cords he had tied some small wooden plates to its branches, which were dangling back and forth in the wind and served as targets for him. I stopped and watched Caleb pulling back the bowstring, staying in this position for a moment and finally shooting. The arrow bored into one of the wooden plates and I saw how a satisfied grin flitted across the boy´s face. Over the year since Connor was teaching him archery, he had blossomed out to a good bowman. He had trained doggedly for it and for some time now he disappeared into the frontier from time to time and returned with prey. Sometimes Connor and he went hunting together. Caleb learned much from him and although I hadn´t wanted Connor to teach him how to use this weapon at first, I was proud of his progress. But now that Caleb had mastered the bow reasonably, he had got the ambition to learn the handling of other weapons, too. He spoke about fighting and I didn´t like the thought of it. Caleb had always admired Connor and he already knew much about the templars and assassins. He hated the templars, not least because they had killed his grandfather and he always made a remark about his wish to become an assassin to fight against them. I had always seen it as the wish of an adolescent, created by his admiration for Connor. They shared almost the same fate. But it seemed like this wish was still hidden in Caleb´s mind and although Connor had never said something about it, I sometimes had the feeling that he wasn´t averse to it. I for my part hadn´t a good feeling about it.

Thoughtfully I watched Caleb collecting the shot arrows and putting them back into his quiver, before he turned around and noticed me. Grinning he ran to me and pointed at the targets in the tree.  
"Did you see how I hit them?", he asked me excitedly and despite his adult wishes, I saw the child he was. I forced myself to smile.  
"You did it well. You´re making progress."  
Caleb nodded pleased and hung the bow over his shoulder in great posture. "Now that Connor isn´t here, you can be sure that I will protect you and Emily. Everyone who wants to harm you, gets an arrow."  
I could see that he was serious about it, but until now he just had shot animals. He didn´t know how it felt to end a human life and I hoped that he would never learn it. No matter if he did it deliberately or not.


	35. Chapter 35

_Hello everyone :)  
_

 _From this chapter on, I decided to write chapters from Connor´s point of view from time to time or when it is useful. In the long run it becomes a bit boring, if I always write that he leaves for a mission, Lillian waits for him and when he returns, he tells her everything. I think it´s more exciting to read (and write) the action itself instead of the conversations about the action. I hope you enjoy. :)_

 _ **Reviews:** _

**tina:** _Don´t worry. ^^ It´s okay when you don´t write reviews to each chapter. I´m not angry about it or something like that. In the contrary. Thank you for still reading the story and I´m glad you like it. :)_

* * *

 **My family belongs to me**

 ** _Connor_**

After two weeks on sea, the Aquila reached her destination: The harbour of Savannah. The oppressive, sultry heat intensified the stench of train oil, fish and other things Connor didn´t want to identify. Even Robert Faulkner wrinkled his nose when the two men stood by the Aquila´s rail and looked to the city.  
"On days like this, I know why I don´t like to sail into the south", the old man mumbled and ran his flat hand over his sweaty forehead. "This air is unbearable."  
"But the winter here is said to be very pleasant."  
Faulkner laughed. "If you mean with pleasant that you don´t have to fear that you fall face down into the deep snow, when crawling home drunk, you´re right. But I favour our winter in the north. After that you know how to value the spring and summer."  
Connor smirked about these words. Although he knew that he would never fall drunk into the snow, he understood what Faulkner meant. He preferred the severe winter at home, too, but they weren´t here to philosophize about Savannah´s climate. There were more important things to do.  
"Do you know someone who could help us finding the house?", Connor changed the subject and leaned his back against the rail, so that he didn´t have to look into the low sun anymore. Mr. Faulkner did the same and crossed his arms in front of his broad chest, shrugging his shoulders.  
"Nobody of whom I know that he is still alive. But there is a popular tavern nearby. The innkeeper always knows everything and his ale isn´t bad either." A whimsical smile appeared on his lips.  
"Do you recommend the ale or the innkeeper to me?", Connor asked amused and gained a wink from his first mate.  
"To you the innkeeper, to me the ale."  
That was what he had thought.

Shaking his head but smirking, the assassin pulled away from the rail and nodded at the crew who was already preparing for leaving the ship.  
"Tell the men they should not drink too much. It is possible that we will leave tomorrow."  
"Aye, Captain. No booze-ups, no orgies. Understood." Faulkner clapped his hands once, before he went to the crew members while Connor entered his cabin. His thoughts were already focused on his plan. He had to find Raymond Jarvis, no matter the price. The criminal had plied his dreadful trade long enough and now that the templars were searching for him, too, Connor wanted to make sure that he was finally gone. At first he had wanted it for the people of the former colonies. He had wanted to prevent that more settlers and townspeople got harmed. Connor had never taken the hunt for Jarvis personally, even when it had come to light that he was Lillian´s half-brother, because she had never been in danger. But Jarvis had made it personal when he had intruded into their house and had endangered Emily´s life. Back then Connor had already wanted to kill him, but every opportunity had been refused to him. But since then he had no doubt that Jarvis was going to pay for it and his determination grew with every day that had passed since then, especially because he didn´t want to see anymore, how Lillian kept agonising herself with her brother´s crimes. Even though it seemed like she thought that he didn´t notice it, Connor knew how much she was suffering inwardly and it had become worse since her brother had endangered Emily.  
He noticed how she stood up sometimes in the middle of the night, just to make sure that Emily was still lying in her cradle. He noticed how she threw herself back and forth in her sleep, begging Ray for giving Emily back to her and he noticed how her worried gaze slid to the forest around Davenport when she was outside, as if she was searching for her brother.  
Her request that he shouldn´t spare her brother had been surprising but unnecessary. But at the same time Connor didn´t know, if Lillian really was aware of the consequences of her decision. But he was going to deal with it when all of this was over, because to spare Ray wasn´t under discussion for him anymore, even if it was going to hurt Lillian anyway. But for now he had to find him.

Connor slipped into his robes, armed himself and while he left the cabin, he pulled the hood over his head. Most of his men had already left the ship and went determined to the next taverns to satisfy their thirst for a cold ale. Robert Faulkner was still standing on the pier and raised his head when Connor stepped next to him.  
"Where is the tavern?", the assassin asked and had to hold Faulkner back, when he wanted to go ahead to lead him to his destination. "I want to get an overview over the city first, before I go there. Furthermore I think it is better, if we do not appear there together, just in case if there are problems later on."  
Faulkner nodded slowly. "Well then. You will notice soon that you can´t get lost in Savannah. The city is quite straight constructed, divided in several blocks. If you go towards the city from here, you turn left over there. Always follow the Savannah-River. You will come past several streets, leading straight forward into the city. You take the fourth, follow it and you will find the tavern on your own." He patted Connor´s shoulder. "Keep care of your head, maybe I will have an ale in store for you."

Connor nodded shortly, thanked him before he followed a bunch of people who had just left their ships and slowly headed for the city. He adapted their pace and melted together with the cityscape once again, while his gaze roamed over the houses which were lining his path. He had already seen the top of a church tower from the distance and had chosen it as his first destination. But already from the ground he could see what Faulkner had told him about Savannah. The houses were standing close to each other, the streets were almost straight lines and beside the fact that the buildings almost looked the same, Connor doubted that you couldn´t find your way around the city.  
After a short time he was standing in front of the white built church and watched people leaving it, receiving a farewell from the priest and gathering in front of the church talking.  
 _The shepherd and his herd,_ Connor thought and looked up to the church tower whose bell was still loudly announcing the end of the Sunday Mass. None of the God-fearing folks would appreciate it, if he would climb up there, so he had to do it unseen.

Slowly Connor went along the side of the building until he had reached its back. He shortly made sure that no one was watching him, before he took a short run-up and pulled himself up over a small window. After that he had to try to steady his feet and hands in even the smallest grooves in the wall, before he reached another window from where he was able to pull himself onto the roof of the church. Finally he started to climb the tower until he reached its top. With one hand he grabbed hold of the wooden cross, which was decorating the top, while his feet found hold on other wooden decorations. So the assassins stood there, closed his eyes for a moment and enjoyed the faint breeze that was blowing around him up here. The air was still warm but far more pleasant than down in the streets, where it had become an unpleasant heat. But the city itself was far away for now. The bell had already stopped ringing and so Connor heard nothing else but the quiet murmur of the wind, mixing with the sounds of Savannah as muffled background-noises. He opened his eyes and his gaze slid over the cityscape he could see from up here.  
The Savannah-River, glistening in the sun and rocking the ships which were anchoring on it. Connor saw the Aquila´s masts and from there he followed the path he had come from with his eyes. From this perspective the construction of the city was better visible than it had been on the streets. Connor was able to see the single parks which were the centres of the blocks, lying next to each other as single, big squares. Never before he had seen a city that had been so precisely built. It seemed like everything had been built after a certain standard.  
 _Almost the perfect city for templars_ , Connor thought and involuntarily he squinched up his face. He was going to take care of the order later, but for now Ray was high up on his list.  
One last time Connor looked over the city, memorized all conspicuousness' he could use as an orientation, before he lowered his eyes and looked down the church tower. There were two opportunities for him. Either he climbed down, or he...Pleased he looked at the hay cart a farmer was just pushing to the edge of the street. The assassin pulled away from the wooden cross, fixed his eyes on the cart and jumped. He flew down, his body straight, made a half turn on half of the way and finally landed in the hay with his back first. The dry stalks sprayed to the side and Connor could hear the muffled swearing of the farmer.  
"Pardon me", was the only thing he said when he rose from the hay before he made sure that he had disappeared before the farmer could cause attention.

His feet carried him directly to the tavern Mr. Faulkner had talked about. Connor opened the door and was immediately confronted by the stale air inside. The smell of ale mingled with the stench of sweating men and women who had to boil in their own juices in this heat. But as dominant as the stench were the noises. The day was close to its end and so the tavern seemed to be full to the last seat. They talked, they laughed and shanties were sung and some of these noises came from his own men. Connor found the crew of the Aquila gathered around a single table, each of them had a mug of ale in front of them. It was obvious that they had already drunk more than he had actually hoped. But as long as Connor wasn´t the only one who was able to prepare the Aquila if it was necessary, he didn´t care for now. He was just glad that the crew wasn´t loudly commenting on his entry. He saw that they lightly raised their mugs into his direction and he nodded barely noticeably while he made his way to the bar. Behind it stood a corpulent man, with a stained apron and a black full beard, which was almost shaggier than Noirs fur. Wordlessly he banged a mug onto the bar and wanted to fill it with ale, when the assassin put his hand onto it.  
"Thank you, but I am not here to drink", he explained and saw how the innkeeper raised a bushy eyebrow.  
"You won´t find whores here", he murmured and put the mug away. Connor shook his head.  
"I heard you could tell me something about Raymond Jarvis. They say he owns a house here."  
The innkeeper snorted and a distrustful expression flitted across his face. "Whoever told you that had to be a boozer. Do I look like everybody´s gossip?"  
Connor had expected that it wouldn´t be so easy to talk with the innkeeper. When he just wanted to wipe the bar with a rag, the assassin grabbed into a pouch and pulled out some coins. They clacked quietly when he put them onto the wood. The innkeeper froze and seemed to be counting the coins already, before he reached out his hand for them. But Connor laid his flat hand over the money, whereupon the innkeeper gave him a grim gaze.  
"Raymond Jarvis. Where is his house and what can you tell me about him?"  
The innkeeper shortly licked his sweaty lips and kept staring at Connor´s hand that was covering his desired money.  
"Do you mean the guy who´s always running around in a cape and of whom everyone is saying that he´s looking like a moth-eaten coat underneath it?"  
Connor nodded silently and lifted his hand. The innkeeper grabbed the coins in an instant, counted them and let them disappear in his apron. His gaze moved into all directions, before he leaned forward to Connor in an almost conspiratorial manner. A sharp stench of sweat met Connor when he leaned a bit forward, too.

"This guy bought the house a year ago. No one really knows where he´s from and how he´s earning his money. He says he´s a merchant from London. Liked to wave around under your nose with his damn golden ring, as if one of us is supposed to know his family name. Anyway, he stored much junk there, also asked a craftsman to repair everything. He even hired a maid and a gardener, but until now no one really lived in the house and the guy himself is rarely there."  
"Do you think he wants to move in?"  
The innkeeper shrugged his shoulders. "One of the craftsmen said that he´s always talking about settling down with his family here, but until now no one has seen a wife and a child with him. I´m doubting that he has something like that, if you ask me."  
No. Connor was quite sure that Jarvis wasn´t married. He had other priorities and neither he had said something about a family. At least not about one he had started himself.  
"Is he in town at the moment?"  
The innkeeper squinched up his face about this question and shook his head. "The last time he has been here was two months ago. Ordered a carpenter to build a cradle and left again. I still don´t think that he has children. Neither a woman who would let him touch her."  
"A cradle?" Connor frowned and his gaze slid to a stain of beer on the bar. He got a feeling that didn´t want to be to his liking. Jarvis talked about a family he didn´t have. He certainly had no child he could lay into the cradle either. But maybe it wasn´t his child that was supposed to sleep in it.

"Where is the house?", Connor asked and already pushed himself away from the bar to turn around in an instant.  
"By the Percival Square. It´s the one with the Tomo-Chi-Chi-monument. The stone pyramid. It´s right in front of it. Is the only one with an iron fence."  
Connor nodded, shortly thanked the innkeeper and had left the tavern shortly afterwards. He had seen the monument the innkeeper had talked about from the church, so that he knew where he had to go. The sky over Savannah darkened more and more while Connor quickly walked through the streets. He was still thinking about the innkeeper´s words. So Jarvis was passing himself off as a merchant. Probably the merchant his father had been. But Connor was more worried about the family Ray wanted to bring to Savannah. There was only one family he was always talking about and certainly Connor wouldn´t allow that they came here. Into the house he reached at this moment.  
It was a white wooden house with high gables and big windows. A high, broad oak stood in a well-tended front garden and let its moss covered twigs hang over the path that was leading to the veranda and front door. If Connor hadn´t known it better, he would have thought that no one was living here. But despite of the vanishing daylight, the windows were dark and he couldn´t see anything that could have indicated the presence of occupants. Nevertheless, or maybe exactly because of that, he had to go inside. Connor looked carefully to both sides to see if someone was watching him and finally climbed agilely over the high fence that was surrounding the property. In the shadow of the oak he approached the front door and picked its lock to slip into the house.

It was deadly silent. No sound reached Connor´s ears, neither from the ground floor, nor from the first floor. The house was empty and still someone must have been here. Probably the housekeeper the innkeeper had talked about. Everything was clean and tidy when Connor wandered through the ground floor and looked through the rooms. No particle of dust was on the floor or the shiny polished furniture. Everything was looking like the occupants were going to return home soon, if there weren´t the empty storage room and the cold hearth. Connor crossed the hallway of the ground floor again and stopped in front of a door. The only one that was closed. He pushed down the handle but it was locked. A few moments and skilled hand movements later, Connor heard a quiet click and could finally open it. It led into a study, at first sight full with much junk. Crates full of household goods, room decorations and other objects, certainly stolen goods Ray had removed for himself. Connor didn´t want to think of how many houses the gang had attacked to make such a big haul.

With a last look at the crates Connor went to the broad desk in the centre of the room. There was nothing on it that drew the assassin´s attention, except of some meaningless letters. At least until he searched the desk´s drawers, too and found a wooden casket in the last one. Connor took it out, put it onto the desk and opened its lid. It was full to the brim with letters and when Connor flicked through the stack, he saw that they were all addressed to only one person. To Lillian. Each letter was dated and they went back to the year 1776, the year when Ray moved to America with the British army. The latest letter was only one month old. Lillian´s brother had written all these letters and never sent them. Shortly Connor was tempted to skim through a few of them, but he didn´t. No matter what he was feeling for Ray at the moment, it was wrong to read something that wasn´t meant for his eyes. But after a short moment of hesitation, he took the letters out of the casket, folded them as good as possible and let them disappear inside his coat, before he put the casket back into the drawer and closed it.

Once again he looked through the study, but finally left it. He went upstairs and opened one door after another. But most of the rooms were empty. Only one of the last rooms was furnished and again Connor got a bad feeling when he entered it. It was a bedroom, with a broad bed, a dresser, a commode and a washstand. It wouldn´t have caught Connor´s attention, if he hadn´t known who owned this house and what the innkeeper had said. Because next to the bed stood a cradle, filled with things you needed for a child. Clothes, napkins, even toys. Prepared as if the child, who was supposed to be treated with it, was still expected. The washstand and the dresser appeared prepared as well. On the washstand were a hairbrush, a hand mirror, a jewellery box and a powder compact. They were lying tidily next to each other, but were unused. Inside the dresser were several dresses, fine robes among them, as if they had never been worn. Everything in this room looked like it was waiting for its occupants and by now Connor was sure who was supposed to be them.  
 _Not as long as I have the final say in it_ , Connor thought grimly and turned away to leave.

Taking several steps at once he ran downstairs and had left the house shortly afterwards. Quickly he crossed the now dark streets of Savannah and was greeted by Mr. Faulkner with a surprised gaze, when he entered the deck of the Aquila.  
"Already back, Captain?", the first mate asked and his light slurring didn´t escape Connor´s notice.  
"Are the men able to prepare the ship for our departure?", he asked shortly without giving Faulkner an answer. Faulkner frowned.  
"Already? I thought you wanted to depart tomorrow morning at the earliest."  
"I want to depart now. We have to get home. Tell the men."  
It seemed like Faulkner became sober all of the sudden when he heard the tension in Connor´s voice. His expression became serious and he nodded, before Connor turned away and went into his cabin. Shortly afterwards he was standing behind the wheel of the Aquila and brought the ship on its way up the Savannah-River and to the open sea. Faulkner stood next to him and propped his arms on the railing of the quarter deck while he looked his captain over. He was staring straight forward.  
"What did you find out about Jarvis? Was he in town?"  
Connor shook his head. "The house was empty, but it really looked like it is prepared for occupants."  
"Do you think this bastard is going to live there alone?"  
"No. The innkeeper in the tavern told me that Jarvis is preparing everything for his family, but I know for certain that he neither had a wife, nor children. His only family are Lillian and his mother, if she is still alive."  
Faulkner frowned in confusion. "Apart from his mother, he can´t think that Lillian would come with him, can he?"  
"I fear so." Connor looked at Mr. Faulkner. "On the first floor I found a bedroom, obviously prepared for a woman with a little child. Everything was ready. Dresses, hair brushes, jewellery. I want to think that Jarvis has a wife and a child, but I think it is unlikely. He has always insisted in front of Lillian that they are a family and need to stick together."  
"And now you think, he could be on his way already to take her with him?"  
"He is a fanatic. Maybe I did not find out where he is at the moment, but I am sure that he will return to the homestead sooner or later and if he does, I want to be there."

* * *

It took two more weeks until the Aquila finally dropped anchor in the bay of Davenport. Connor had spent this time restlessly because he feared that Jarvis could have returned already to take Lillian and Emily away somehow. He doubted that Lillian would go with him willingly and so Connor was also concerned that her brother could do something to her, if she defended herself. Jarvis had a confused mind and was capable of anything.  
So no one on deck was wondering when Connor left the ship and hurried to the manor, no sooner than they had dropped anchor. The backdoor almost slipped off his grip when he pushed it open, but he didn´t care. Connor glanced into the kitchen, where the fire in the hearth was quietly crackling like always, but the room was empty. He only noticed the basket with fresh vegetables and fruits on the table, together with Lillian´s headscarf. If she wasn´t taking care of Emily at the moment, she would have put the content of the basket into the storage room already. So Connor ran upstairs and into the bedroom, but nobody was there either.  
"Lillian?", Connor shouted into the hallway, hoping that he had failed to see her somewhere in the house. But he got no answer. It was totally silent. Connor swore quietly, ran downstairs and left the house through the front door. His next destination was the stable and when he at least saw Caleb there, grooming the Shetland pony, he felt something like relief. When Caleb was here and was well, Lillian couldn´t be in trouble.

The blonde boy turned around to Connor, when he noticed him from the corner of his eye and a wide smile appeared on his lips.  
"You´re back already!" He reached out an arm and pointed at a tree, where he had hung up several wooden plates which were dangling in the wind. "I used the time to practise archery. Like you told me. Shall I show you?"  
Connor forced himself to smile in face of Caleb´s unshakable euphoria, but he shook his head. "Not now. Do you know where Lillian is? I could not find her inside."  
"She left a few minutes ago. A man was with her, but I don´t know where they wanted to go."  
"A man? Did you know him?"  
When Caleb answered this question with a shake of his head, Connor felt this restlessness again. He clenched his fists and looked to the path which was leading to the homestead. Caleb felt this change of mood and became restless himself.  
"Should I have stopped them? The man had no cape, so I thought..." He paused when Connor shook his head.  
"It is alright", the assassin said shortly and looked at the boy again, whose eyes were full of fear. "Which direction did they choose?"  
"I only saw them going to the homestead. I don´t know more."

Connor´s answer was a short nod. Without saying another word, he turned away and started to run, when he headed for the homestead. Was it possible that Ray had sent someone from his gang to get Lillian? But why did she go with him? If she had been threatened, Caleb would have mentioned it. Unless it had been a more subtle threat, because Caleb hadn´t said anything about Emily. What if someone had taken the little one before and now Lillian had left to get her back? Connor shook his head, as if he could get rid of this thought like that. He had to find her and not lose himself in such thoughts. But he wasn´t sure where to start his search. But soon it came to light that it wasn´t necessary. He just passed the church of the homestead, when he saw Lillian coming up the path in a short distance. She had Emily with her and it looked like she was alright. But still Connor quickened his steps and the last time he had been so relieved to see Lillian was when he had found her in Philadelphia. But this time she had a bright smile on her lips when she saw him, too.  
"You´re back already", she said when he had reached her and reached out a hand for Connor, which he took into his. "Have you been successful? Did you find him?"  
Connor silently shook his head and looked Lillian over. Now she appeared disappointed, almost dejected.  
"I hoped that you would find him", she murmured and looked at Emily, who she was carrying in her arms and whose head was resting against her shoulder. Obviously she was soundly asleep.  
Connor put a hand under Lillian´s chin and made her look at him. "Are you well? Caleb told me that you left with a man. Who was it?"  
Lillian frowned and cocked her head. "It was Ted, Maria´s maybe-fiancée. He wanted to visit her, but didn´t meet her at home. So he knocked on our door and asked me for the way to Ellen´s house. I brought him there. Why are you asking?"  
"But did you meet anyone else over the last weeks who had been acting strange?"  
Lillian slowly shook her head and a worried expression appeared in her eyes. "Why are you asking all of that? Did something happen in Savannah?"  
Connor didn´t answer immediately but wrapped an arm around her and carefully pulled her closer, paying attention not to clamp Emily between Lillian and him.  
"I will tell you everything later", he murmured and kissed Lillian´s forehead. He was incredibly grateful that his fears hadn´t become true and that they were still here and well. But he still expected that Lillian´s brother was going to come here. But then Connor would expect him and keep him away from her. No matter what Jarvis had thought up in his mad mind, first and foremost Lillian and Emily were Connor´s family and no one was going to take them from him. Not at any price.


	36. Chapter 36

_I´m really sorry for taking so long with the update, but right now I have hardly enough time to work on my main projects and furthermore I will probably start a job in August, so time will be a rare thing in the future. But it doesn´t mean that I will stop translating the story. Of course not. It will only take more time between the updates. But I try to work as fast as possible. ;)_

* * *

 **Learn from the master**

 _ **Lillian**_ , _October 1785_

Sighing I twisted the graphite pencil between my fingers and supported my head with my hand, while I skimmed through what I had just brought to paper. Over the last days I had got the motivation to continue the "Encyclopaedia of the Common Man", whose last entry had been three years ago. So many things had happened in the homestead since then and I thought that these things had to find their way into this journal. Myriam´s and Norris' son had been born, Connor and I had married, Davenport had been attacked and the mill had been destroyed and rebuilt one year later. There had been two hard winters in which we had shown our solidarity once again and finally Emily had been born. I had written everything onto a separate piece of paper, because I feared that I wasn´t able to be equal to Connor´s and Achilles' entries. But also now I wasn´t satisfied and frustrated put the pencil aside. I ran both hands over my face and finally looked down at Emily, who I had laid onto a fur next to my chair. There she was lying on her belly, fascinated pulling at the hairs, constantly uttering gurgling sounds. It was always a joy to watch her. In these six months since her birth she had gone through a great process, even though it felt like yesterday that Diana had laid a small, delicate bundle into my arms. Emily had an immense joy in rolling around somehow and discovering her environment with her eyes and hands and with all this liveliness, I always asked myself, what was going to expect me, when she learned how to crawl or even walk. Probably I was going to get more exercise, too.

I smirked when Emily rolled onto her back with a quiet groan and when she noticed that I was looking at her, her mouth twisted into a smile, which was quite close to a grin. She reached out her arms for me and gurgled again. Chuckling I raised from my chair, kneeled onto the blanket and grabbed her tiny hands. Carefully I pulled at them and watched how Emily sat up laboriously but slowly. Her torso slumped a bit forward, but she put her hands on her feet and kept sitting like that, obviously pleased with herself and still gurgling.  
"Is there already so much you have to say?", I asked amused and again she gave me this grin which made my heart beat faster. I was incredibly proud of this little girl and likewise happy that she had been given to me. Only two years ago I had lost my hope to ever have a family. Everything had changed in an instant when fate had decided to send a grim assassin through my window, of whom I had thought that I could never bear his presence for long. But now I was sitting here with our daughter and watched her grabbing for my fingers, when I playfully tapped against her feet with them.

We kept playing this game a bit longer until it became too boring for Emily and she turned her attention back to the fur underneath her again. Her head turned slightly to the door and suddenly she kept still, as if she tried to see something that was there. I followed her gaze and smirked when I saw Connor. He was leaning in the door frame and looked at us. A fine smile on his lips.  
"My, my. We´re secretly watched", I said to Emily who was still staring into Connor´s direction. He pulled away from the door frame, slowly approached us and when he kneeled down, too, Emily joyfully reached out her tiny arms for him. She had to turn her torso a bit and appeared surprised herself, when she lost her balance and fell backwards. In a jerk I reached out my hands for her, but Connor had already reacted. With one hand he supported Emily´s back before she could hit the floor and lifted her on his lap, where she uttered a quiet wheeze.  
"Slowly, little flea", Connor murmured to her and gently stroked over her head. Emily squealed quietly but became noticeably calmer when Connor laid an arm around her and her head came to rest against his chest. She opened her mouth to a silent yawn and I shook my head smirking when she slowly closed her eyes.  
"I should leave it to you to bring her to bed. You barely have her in your arms when she already falls asleep."  
"She is just tired", Connor said and stroked his finger over Emily´s cheek, before he raised his head and looked at me. A smirk appeared on his lips. "I hope you did not want to practise war painting."  
When I cocked my head in confusion about these words, Connor tapped on his cheek and I already wanted to stroke over my own, when my gaze fell on my hands. My right hand was covered with grey stains of graphite. I turned my flat hand to Connor.  
"Is that in my face?"  
When he nodded, I rolled my eyes and pointed at Emily. "Check her hands. It´s possible that I have...lost colour."

I stood up, put my writing utilities aside and went into the kitchen to wash my hands and face. Connor followed me, Emily on his arm and when I had washed off the graphite, I took a towel and did the same with her hands. Emily whined quietly because of the cold water, but obviously she felt too comfortable on her father´s arms to protest more.  
"I will bring her upstairs", Connor said quietly and I was a bit surprised about this initiative. But over the last months, Connor had noticeably lost every kind of reservation towards Emily. Still I cared for her most of the time, but he insisted on taking her into his arms from time to time and give her the affection she needed and enjoyed. These ambitions from him had especially increased since he had returned from Savannah. He had told me what he had found out there. I was afraid of the thought that Ray seemed to have decided to take Emily and me to him and I doubted that he would ask me friendly to come with him. But I had felt that Connor was more worried about it in his own way. He was determined to stay by our side until Ray was eliminated. When Connor left the house, he always stayed close to the homestead and I had the strict order to not leave it on my own. Normally I wouldn´t like this restriction, but because I couldn´t guess anymore, what my brother was capable of, I agreed with it. For me it was only important that Emily was safe and I was as willing as Connor to do everything for it.

My husband just laid Emily carefully into her cradle and stroked over her head one last time, while I closed the curtains and shrouded the room in soft semi darkness. I stepped to Connor, wrapped my arms around his waist and watched him slowly rocking the cradle with one hand. Emily yawned again and smacked quietly, her eyes already closed.  
"Do you think you can leave her under Caleb´s survey for a while?", Connor asked me quietly and I frowned.  
"Why?"  
"Because I actually wanted to pick you up for training."  
I pulled away from the embrace to look at him and was entirely confused now. "What kind of training?"  
Connor raised an eyebrow. "You wanted me to show you how to shoot and I decided that it is not a bad idea."  
"Are you sure?"  
"If I was not, I would not have talked to you about it", Connor replied dryly and carefully took his hand from the cradle. Emily had already fallen asleep and so we quietly left the room.  
"So talk to Caleb about Emily and come down to the bay. I will await you there", he said and left. I looked after him, chewing on my bottom lip, because although I had asked him to show me how to use a pistol, I was now feeling uneasy. My request had been months ago and because Connor had said back then that he had to think about it, I hadn´t expected anymore that he was going to decide in favour of it. But he did and if he wanted to make the effort, I didn´t want to back out.

I went to Caleb by the stable and asked him to pay attention to Emily, before I walked on to the bay. Autumn was already close and so I was freezing a bit when I arrived in the bay and the cold breeze from the sea blew around me. I pulled my waistcoat closer around my body and approached Connor with my arms crossed. He was sitting on a rock and looked at me. I instantly noticed the doll, which was normally downstairs in the cellar, but obviously had to be my first victim now. Sceptically I scrutinized it and especially its position with its back to the sea.  
"Isn´t it a waste of ammunition when I don´t hit the target and the bullets hit the water instead?", I asked, but Connor shook his head.  
"It is better than ricochets hurting someone."  
It sounded alarmingly reasonable.  
Connor pulled away from his seat and pulled a pistol out of its holster on his belt. "Do you know how it works?", he asked and I shrugged my shoulders.  
"Bullet inside, pulling the lever, pulling the trigger."  
"A very short summary." Connor sat down on the rock again and indicated to me that I should sit next to him. I did and he gave me the pistol. It wasn´t the first I had in my hands, but until now I had never thought about using it. Now it appeared terribly heavy all of the sudden.  
"It is not loaded, so it cannot fire", Connor said when he noticed my sceptical expression and tipped with his finger against the lever over the handle. "At first you have to pull back this lever until you hear a click", he started to explain and pulled the lever slightly back into my direction, until a click sounded. "Now you can load the pistol. If you pull the lever entirely back...", he did what he said. "and pull the trigger..." He lightly pushed against my finger, which was lying on the trigger and the lever snapped forward with an even louder click, hit another piece of metal which flapped forward and a sparkle sprayed out of a small opening where the end of the lever had hit. "the shot is triggered. Even if it is loaded, it will not shoot as long as you do not pull the lever entirely back. Do you understand?"

When I nodded slowly, Connor grabbed into the ammunition pouch on his belt and took out two little cans and one of the metal bullets. He took the pistol from me, grabbed it with one hand and took one of the cans with the other, opened its lid with his thumb, before he pulled the lever back until it clicked.  
"To load the pistol you fill a bit of the fine gunpowder in here." He filled the black powder into the small opening. Then he took the other can and let a bit of the powder inside of it trickle into the barrel.  
"The coarse powder comes in here", he commented on his doing and finally took the bullet and some scraps of paper which he pushed inside, too. Then he pulled a thin wooden staff out of a mount under the barrel and I heard a metal scrapping sound when he pushed everything together with it.  
"You have to be careful not to push it to tight together, or the pistol could explode in your hand."  
He pushed the wooden staff back into the mount and turned the pistol´s handle into my direction.  
"Now it is loaded." Connor nodded at me whereupon I took the weapon with hesitation. "Remember. As long as the lever is not entirely pulled back..."  
"It won´t shoot. I know."  
Connor nodded, stood up from the rock, stopped a few metres away from the doll and beckoned me over to him. I sighed quietly, stood up, too and approached him, with a nervous tingle in my stomach and the pistol firmly in my hand. When I reached him, Connor nodded at the doll.  
"Position yourself so that you stand firmly and aim at the doll. At the belly at first, it is the biggest target."

I did as I was told and when I had lifted my arm with the weapon, Connor stepped behind me, lifted my arm a bit more and made me stretch it.  
"You have to look over the barrel, but do not hold the pistol too close to your face because you could hurt yourself. Squint your eyes a bit, too so that the smoke cannot burn in your eyes. Is the barrel aimed at your target?"  
With a lightly shaking hand I tried to line up the pistol and when I thought that I was aiming correctly, I nodded. Connor took a step aside.  
"Then pull back and shoot."  
Taking a deep breath I pulled the lever back and I shivered lightly when I heard the quiet click. Now I was holding a loaded and prepared pistol in my hand. If I wanted to, I could hurt or even kill someone. So I was glad that only a straw doll had to bite the dust for now. I focused my gaze on it again but in a rather unconscious action, I slightly turned my head to the side and closed my eyes entirely, before I pulled the trigger. The bang of the shot and the pistol´s recoil went right through me, but when I opened my eyes again and looked at the doll, it was completely untouched. But in the distance I could see a fine mist, going down on the water. I had only shot some algae.  
"You should not close your eyes!" Connor was frowning when he stepped to me and took the pistol out of my hand. "You have to keep your eyes on your target or you will not hit it."  
With only a few movements of his hand he had reloaded the pistol and pushed it back into my hand.  
"Again. And this time you will keep your eyes open and on the target."  
I had to hold back a comment on his strict tone. I wasn´t used to him talking to me like that. But I had asked him to teach me something and probably I would never learn it correctly, if he was handling me with kid gloves. So I did what he had told me to do. I raised the pistol, aimed at the doll, pulled back the lever and kept my eyes firmly on my target, before I pulled the trigger again. I winced when I now saw the sparkles spraying out of the small opening on the upper and side part of the weapon. But now I did understand what Connor had meant when he had said that you should neither push the load too tightly together, nor hold the pistol too close to your face. The powder exploded inside of the barrel and so it got enough power to catapult the bullet out and this explosion gave vent through the openings. The bullet itself hit the water again, but I grinned in satisfaction when I saw a nick on the side of the doll, where straw was trickling to the ground.

"That was already good", Connor said, came to me and gave me one of the cans with the gun powder. "Reload."  
I raised an eyebrow, but took it hesitantly. I opened it and gave Connor a questioning gaze when I held it over the opening on the upper side of the pistol.  
"I will tell you when it is enough", Connor reassured me and I tilted it a bit. The powder trickled out and into the opening until Connor indicated to me that it was enough and I filled the powder from the other can into the barrel. Now I added the bullet and some paper and pushed everything together with the wooden staff, with Connor strictly watching me.  
"You just had a tendency to the left. This time you should aim more to the right", he told me and I did it. Aim, pull, shoot. This time the bullet hit the doll in the side and enthusiastically I beamed at Connor. He was smirking about my euphoria, but obviously he didn´t intend to support me in it.  
"Good, but you can do it better. You still did not hit what you wanted to hit. Again."

Eventually I stopped counting how many times I was reloading the pistol and shot at the doll. Sometimes I hit it more or less, but sometimes the bullets were missing it and hit the water. But despite of these failures and to my own surprise, shooting became fun for me, especially because I suppressed that I was actually practicing to probably shoot at people once. But for now I enjoyed learning something new and making progress in it. But with every hit I had, this joy went more and more to my head and I made mistakes in aiming which I normally wouldn´t have done and Connor became really annoyed about it. "Concentrate!" became his new motto, as well as "Do not think. Aim!"  
Eventually I reloaded the pistol for one last shot and I intended to really concentrate this time and hit the doll´s chest, like Connor had told me. I aimed and shot, but I probably was so dogged in it, that I unintentionally moved the pistol. Straw whirled up when the bullet ripped the fabric of the doll open. Exactly where normally a man´s crotch would have been.  
"Ouch", I uttered and almost laughed when I looked at Connor and could just see how he squinched up his face.  
"Not the body part I was talking about, but not less effective", he said dryly, when he noticed my gaze and took the pistol out of my hand.  
"I think that is enough for today. You have a good eye and you are learning quickly, but you have to concentrate more. You are too quickly distracted."  
"So you don´t let yourself be distracted?", I asked, a mischievous grin on my lips. "Not in the slightest?"  
Connor shook his head. "I have trained too long for that and in case of emergency, I cannot allow myself it."  
He wanted to put the pistol back into the holster, but I grabbed his wrist and pointed at the doll, still grinning. "Then show me how to do it right."  
Connor gave me a sceptical look, but he reloaded the pistol at last and trained it on the doll. But before he could shoot, I stepped to him, wrapped my arms around him and breathed kisses on his neck, stroked my lips up to his chin and lightly nibbled at his earlobe. Connor´s body tensed and from the corners of my eyes I saw how he shortly lowered the pistol. But then he raised it again and shot without taking time to aim again. The bullet bored directly into the doll´s head and I sulked.

Connor finally pushed the pistol back into the holster and when I looked up to him, he appeared totally pleased with himself. "I told you: I do not let myself be distracted."  
"But you hesitated."  
"And hit nevertheless." He tapped against the pistol´s handle. "We will practise again soon and then I expect you to concentrate and not search for excuses. Do you understand?"  
"Yes, master", I replied, not really seriously, but Connor frowned and shook his head.  
"I am not your master. If I was, you would not get away so easily."  
With a serious expression he wrapped his arms around me, too and pulled me against him. "I show you how to shoot, so that you can defend yourself and Emily if you have to and not to stand in front of you as a teacher and give you orders."  
Connor looked at me silently for a moment and when I became more and more serious, too, he smirked. "But it is pleasant that you really do as I say for once."  
"I noticed that you enjoyed that." Now I grinned and lightly slapped my hand against his chest, whereupon Connor grabbed my hands and led them to the back of his neck, where I interlaced my fingers. He held me by my waist, when I had to stand on tiptoe for it and leaned his forehead against mine. We stood there like that for a moment and I heard Connor sighing quietly when I tenderly tickled the back of his neck with my fingertips.  
"Thank you for taking time for me and having the patience to teach me shooting", I murmured. "I know that I´m not always easy."  
"If I had not this patience, I couldn´t teach anyone anything. It had been more difficult with Caleb than it had been with you", Connor replied and pulled a bit away from the embrace to look at me. I smirked. How reassuring that I wasn´t causing more headaches than a twelve years old boy.  
"And about the time", Connor shrugged his shoulders and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. "It is not like I had to force myself to take it because I do not like to spend it with you. In the contrary."  
"So can we stay a bit longer, as long as Caleb isn´t calling for me?"  
"Of course."  
Connor took his arms from my waist and I pushed my hand into his, while we went back to the rock. Connor sat down on the ground, leaned his back against the rock and gently pulled me to him so that I sat between his legs and could lean against him. He propped his chin on my head and we interlaced our fingers in front of my belly. Silently we sat there and looked at the water that was already turning red in the light of the setting sun. After all the shots it was now pleasantly silent in the bay and I hoped that this silence was going to stay a bit longer and not only here and now, but always and no matter where we were. Because my brother, the actual reason why we had come here, wasn´t on my mind right now. Not even for a second.


	37. Chapter 37

_**To MohawkWoman:** Thank you for always leaving reviews for the chapters. :)It´s such a pleasure to read them and I´m so happy, that you like the story, although the updates are not as regular as they used to be. _

* * *

**An unexpected guest**

Only a few days later I was sitting with Ellen and Maria in Ellen´s house and let the ruche I had just made, slide through my fingers to check it. The three of us were working on Maria´s wedding dress. A dream made of fine, white linen, with a light blue robe made of the same material. Maria had already appended beautiful, tendrilous embroideries to the top, which were supposed to recur from the hem up to the skirt. The future bride had attended to this work over the last two hours on her own, while Ellen and I were sewing the fine ruches and attached them to the sleeves. We were sitting around the small table with the dress on it and had worked silently most of the time. But now Maria raised her eyes from the hem of the skirt and regarded the piece of art made of silk in my hands.  
"You´re slowly becoming better in this", she praised me smirking and Ellen smiled widely at me, too.  
"And you keep saying that you´re untalented in handwork."  
"Well, even I can learn" I grinned impishly and grabbed the needle and stitch again, to attach the ruche to the right sleeve. I hadn´t as much fun in doing handwork as the two others, but it was something else to darn a hole instead of working on a piece of clothing that was supposed to be worn on a special occasion. It made this work special and helped me forgetting my excitement about the upcoming wedding.  
In less than a week, Maria was going to marry her Ted and I probably was looking forward to this day with more excitement than Maria herself. She had hardly told me about her engagement and that the wedding was supposed to take place in the homestead, I had thrown myself into the preparations and only later on, I had noticed that I had done as much for Maria as the others had done before my wedding. But it didn´t seem to bother her. In the contrary. Right after her engagement she had started working on her wedding dress and according to her, she was glad that I was taken care of the rest, together with other women of the homestead and I was glad that she let me do it. The preparations were a welcomed distraction for me. They helped me looking forward to something and forgetting all the dark thoughts about my brother. Ray hadn´t shown up by now, neither here, nor somewhere else. Connor regularly got messages from his assassins in New York and Boston, but they all had the same content: No news.  
I didn´t want to think about whether it was positive or not. I was only glad that the wedding was something positive in the near future and I wanted to stick to that. Although I had probably talked Connor´s ear off already with all my euphoria and excitement about what still needed to be prepared.

"I think that´s enough for today." Maria put her tools aside and her hand stroked over the embroideries she had just made. I made the last stitch, too and put the needle aside. Carefully, as if it was a fragile piece of glass, Maria lifted the dress and put it over the dummy in the middle of the room.  
"You will look beautiful", I said, as I stepped next to Maria and laid an arm around her while we regarded the dress.  
"Well, it can´t be a match for your dress."  
"Brocade, silk and lace don´t make a beautiful bride." I lightly shoved my elbow into her side and gave her a warm smile, when she looked at me. "You have designed and sewed it yourself. It is your dress alone and so it is the most beautiful dress you could wear on this day. Furthermore, you don´t have a corset you have to tighten just to fit into the dress."  
Maria laughed like I had intended and this tensed expression I had seen in her eyes vanished. Now there was a joyful sparkle when she kept looking at her dress and I wrapped an arm around her, to pull her against me. For a moment we regarded her dress before we started to tidy up.  
While we put all tools aside, scissors and fabrics aside, the initial silence became interrupted by the quiet patter on the roof, that rose to a loud roar shortly afterwards. A look out of the window was giving you the feeling that the world was ending. I squinched up my face.  
"I guess we have to hurry on our way home before it gets washed away."  
I hugged Maria, gave her a kiss on the cheek and hugged Ellen, too before I grabbed my coat and put it carefully over Emily, who had been sleeping in her sling the whole time. I went to the door, but Maria´s voice held me back. "Let us go together a bit."  
She bid farewell to Ellen, too and together we stepped outside into the pouring rain. Thick, grey clouds were low in the sky and held back the sunlight that was trying to make its way through them. Although it was early in the evening, it was already dark and through the thick veil of raindrops, pouring down in front of our noses, it became even more difficult to see where you were going. I gave a whistle to Noir, who had been waiting for me in front of the house and with lowered heads, Maria and I went home, the dog by our side. On the path, that was leading to Maria´s house, we bid farewell to each other and I went on alone.

I had wrapped my arms firmly around Emily who was protected from the rain by the coat at least. Only occasionally I raised my head to make sure that I wasn´t running against a tree or a fence in the next second, but most of the time I kept my eyes on my shoes, which made rain and mud splatter up with every step I made. Noir kept her big head down, too and in the face of the waterfalls which were pouring down from her fur, I felt sorrier for her than for me, who certainly didn´t look better.  
"You can lie in front of the fire in the kitchen", I promised to her and as if she had understood me, she looked at me and quickened her steps. But when I just climbed the stone stairs to the house, Noir stopped all of the sudden. I only noticed it, when I had reached the front door and wanted to open it.  
"What are you waiting for? The weather doesn´t get better."  
But Noir kept staring towards the stable and I winced when I heard the muffled growl coming from her throat. Then a bark followed and the big dog stormed to the stable. Rooted to the spot I looked after her and my hand on the doorknob began to shake while I felt fear spreading inside of me. Was Ray here at last? Noir´s bark became louder and angrier, but I couldn´t see her anymore through the rain. But I didn´t follow her either.  
I just wanted to open the door to call for Connor when the doorknob was torn out of my hand and Connor was standing in front of me. Shortly he appeared surprised when he almost ran into me, but this surprise was quickly replaced by tension.  
"Are you alright?", he asked and his gaze shortly turned to Emily, who was still hidden underneath my coat. I nodded and pointed at the stable.  
"Noir found something."  
Connor´s eyes followed my hint and he pushed me past him into the house. "Stay here", he ordered me to do, before he ran to the stable, his tomahawk in his hand. His order had been unnecessary. I couldn´t move. In my mind, I saw Ray waiting for Connor by the stable to outwit Connor somehow to get to Emily and me. My shaking arms wrapped around the bundle in front of my chest, that began to wriggle uneasily and then to cry, when I uttered an appalled sound. Caleb had appeared next to me all of the sudden, his bow in his hand.  
"Is Connor outside?", he asked and when I just nodded silently, he wanted to follow the assassin. But he already came back and he was carrying something. No. He was carrying someone.  
"Caleb, get Doctor White. Tell him he has to treat stab wounds", were Connor´s only words, when he pushed himself past us into the house and climbed the stairs to the upper floor. Surprised Caleb and I looked after him, until at least the boy woke up from his immovability and followed the order. I threw the coat into a corner of the hallway and lifted Emily from the sling to my shoulder, while I already hurried upstairs. I had only seen some strands of wet, blonde hair from the person Connor had carried inside, but I recognised her immediately when I entered Caleb´s room, where Connor had laid her onto the bed. It was the blonde woman from Boston and it didn´t seem like she was in a good condition. Besides the obvious fact that she was drenched by the rain, she was deathly pale and her lips were blue. Her eyelids fluttered as if she was struggling for consciousness. In the face of the blood-drenched side of her shirt, it wasn´t quite surprising.  
"How did she come here?", I asked, when I stepped to Connor next to the bed. He had pushed the shirt a bit upwards and scrutinized the two small wounds, which were still bleeding, with knitted eyebrows.  
"I do not know", he answered shortly and grabbed the blanket to press it against the wounds. "Could you get some rags? And we need hot water, too."  
I nodded silently, even though he wasn´t looking at me, but with a last look at the woman, I turned away and went into our bedroom to lay Emily into her cradle.  
"I will be right back, my angel", I tried to calm her when she started to cry loudly and I tried to ignore it as good as possible, when I went downstairs again.

In the kitchen I stoked the fire of the hearth, before I filled the water from the last full bucket into a big pot and hung it over the fire. Almost in the same moment, the front door was opened and I heard the steps of two persons hurrying upstairs. Dr. White and Caleb. I took some clean rags and waited until the water boiled, before I took the pot from the hook and carried it upstairs. There the doctor was kneeling next to the bed and examined the wounds of the woman who still wasn´t entirely conscious. When I entered he looked up shortly and nodded.  
"You´re coming in the right moment." He beckoned me over and I put the pot next to him on the floor and laid the rags down on the bed.  
"How bad is it?", I asked the doctor, while he took one of the rags and dipped it into the water.  
"I can´t say it yet. She already lost much blood and we don´t know how long she has the wounds already."  
I watched him cleaning the wounds and looked shortly into the pale face of the wounded. I could still remember this mocking and self-confident smile of hers. Even her current condition couldn´t change that I didn´t trust her. Why did we found her in this condition in our stable? Had Ray done this to her and was he nearby?  
"No matter who did this to her, they must be close, right?", I asked. "She couldn´t have come far like that."  
"You would be surprised of how far you can get with such an injury." This answer came from Connor, who was leaning at the wall close to the bed, his arms crossed. His serious gaze was fixed on the young woman and I asked myself, if he was asking himself the same questions as I did. If Ray was close, maybe even in the homestead. If he was, I was sure that there was nothing that would keep Connor in this room for much longer. I sighed inwardly. It had been so calm lately, but suddenly this illusion had been destroyed. By a badly wounded woman in our stable.  
"I´m with Emily if you need something", I said flatly and with a last look at the woman, I left the room. It was hard for me to feel something like helpfulness or even sympathy for her. I just couldn´t forget that she had followed Ray´s orders and so I would prefer to have her as far away from my family and me as possible. I didn´t like that she was in our house now, although I wasn´t against helping her. But I was going to be glad when she was well again and left us. I probably wouldn´t be able to calm down before. But despite my inner trouble, I somehow managed it to smirk as I found Noir in the bedroom, lying on the floor next to Emily´s cradle. Always watchful and once again she had shown that I could be glad to have allowed to keep her. I felt safer to know that she wasn´t only keeping an eye on the house but also on us. I bent down to Noir and tenderly patted her side. Her fur was still wet, as well as my own clothes. I hadn´t been able to get changed and warm myself up yet. I was freezing and so I ignited the fire in the fireplace before I slipped out of my wet clothes and into the dry nightgown. It wasn´t time to go to bed yet, but I didn´t intend to leave the room either. Dr White was taking care of our unexpected guest for now and certainly, there was nothing I could do for her after that and even if it was the case, Connor and Caleb could take care of it, too. Emily was more important for me.

I wrapped myself into my dressing gown and lifted Emily out of her bed, to sit down with her on a chair in front of the fireplace to nurse her. At the moment I only concentrated on her and enjoyed the warmth of the fire and the calmness that was spreading inside of me and this calmness stayed when I was just holding Emily in my arms and gently rocked her to sleep. Only when she was lying in her cradle again, I thought about the wounded woman again. It was already dark outside and so I only saw the light of a lamp shining through the open door into hallway, when I peeked out of the bedroom´s door. Dr. White had certainly left already and still I could hear quiet voices. Connor´s voice and the voice of the woman. So she was conscious. Did she tell him what had happened to her and how she had got here?  
Curious I went along the hallway and to the room, but on half of the way Connor stepped out of the door and closed it behind himself.  
"Is everything alright?", he asked when he noticed me and as he saw that my gaze moved to the dagger and the pistol in his hands, he explained: "They belong to her. I thought it is safer to take them from her." So he wasn´t sure either, if he could trust her.  
"Did she tell you something?", I asked, when Connor went past me and to the bedroom. There he put the weapons on a commode and waited with his answer until I had closed the door behind me.  
"Her name and that your brother was the one who stabbed her. He somehow found out that I have been in Savannah and his house and that Olivia was the one who told us about it."  
Olivia then.  
"Did she tell you where Ray is?" I sat down on the edge of the bed and watched Connor taking off his own weapons and his robes. He shook his head.  
"She was not able to tell me more. She is too weak."  
"And what about Dr. White? Is she going to survive it?"  
"Time will show." Connor had slipped out of his shoes and leggings and hung them over a chair, as well as his shirt, before he opened the door again and uttered a quiet whistle. Noir, who had made herself comfortable in front of the fire, lazily raised her head, stood up slowly, stretched herself and finally trudged past Connor, until he closed the door behind her.  
"We will see how she is feeling in the next days and maybe she can tell us more then." Connor stepped to the bed and slipped under the blanket, while I was still sitting on the edge and silently looked at the fireplace, where the fire was only flickering faintly and the crackling of the wood became more and more quiet. The thought of having Olivia with us for now wasn´t to my liking. I would prefer we had brought her to the doctor, where she certainly would be in better hands. But maybe a transport wasn´t possible. For now.  
"I don´t want to have her here longer than it is necessary", I made clear with a determined voice. "Whatever happened, for me she is still someone who supported Ray and his doings."  
"And someone who helped us", Connor replied, likewise determined. "If she had not tell us about Savannah, we never would have learned about your brother´s plans for you and Emily. Eventually I would have been away, would have left you alone and it would have been easy for him. Now I can take care that he does not come closer to you."  
"And now we´re already waiting for weeks and he didn´t show up."  
"He cannot be far, if Olivia has been able to come here."  
"I thought you can make it quite far with such a wound."  
"It is worse than I thought."  
I had to bite my tongue to hold back another comment. This discussion didn´t lead to anything and was the result of my own trouble. It was going to be such a relief, when this whole disaster was over soon...

* * *

Olivia stayed more or less unconscious for two days. When she was awake, she wasn´t really responsive or just too weak to speak. But still Doctor White was confident that she was going to recover from her injury, but I lost my confidence that we could accommodate her somewhere else. She stayed in Caleb´s room, while he had created a bed made of pillows and blankets in the room next to his and was satisfied with it. So I had to adjust to this situation, whether I wanted it or not. Although I was doing it rather reluctantly, I cared for our guest as good as possible. I checked on her regularly, prepared extra meals for her and changed her bandages.  
I was just doing the latter, as Olivia was suddenly torn back into consciousness. Her delicate hand darted forward and wrapped around my throat with a remarkable strength. My appalled scream mingled with her painful one, as she raised her torso. Her hand let go again and Olivia fell back into the pillows, gasping hard. Entirely surprised I stared at her with wide eyes, when she opened her eyes, too and looked at me.  
"Sorry", she uttered between clenched teeth. "Thought someone else wants to kill me."  
I laid my hand on my neck, where I still felt her grip and I took a deep breath to calm my rushing heart. Her sudden reaction had scared me to death.  
"So that´s what someone gets for helping you?", I asked and once again my sharp tongue gained the upper hand. It had sounded bitchier than I had wanted it, but Olivia wasn´t impressed by it.  
"Maybe deceitfullly attempted murder are running in the family", was her likewise bitchy answer and it seemed like we were even for now. Silently we looked at each other until I attempted to her bandages again. She let me do it without resistance, although I could feel that she was still in pain.  
"How long was I gone?", she asked into the uncomfortable silence after I had turned away from her and had thrown the old bandages into a bucket of cold water to soak them.  
"Two days", I answered and her eyes fluttered shut. She mumbled something in Spanish before she opened her eyes again and looked at me.  
"Thank you for taking care of me. I really didn´t expect it, although I came here on purpose. I thought, if anyone is able to help me, then someone who hates Ray as much as I do."  
I pressed my lips together when she said this, because I wanted to prevent me from telling here, what I was thinking about her and her former work with Ray. Instead I turned away and acted as if it was of the greatest importance to plump op the curtains.  
"Connor wouldn´t have let you bleed to death", I just answered.  
"But it didn´t seem like you´re pleased with my stay here."  
I paused in my pretended activity and turned around to her. "No", I answered honestly and stayed by the truth. "I always have to think about your initial support of my brother´s delusion. That makes it hard for me to trust you. No matter if you´re wounded or not."  
Olivia nodded slowly and pursed her lips. "Understandable. I would feel the same. But I think you should understand why I did it, before you´re judging me."  
"Explain it to me then."  
I crossed my arms in front of my chest and looked at Olivia expectantly. She returned this gaze, but first she sat up with her expression twisted in pain, before she followed my request.  
"I lost so much because of the war, but I hoped that everything was going to be alright after the departure of the loyalists. Not only for me but for everyone in this country. But it wasn´t. It became worse. After I hadn´t much after the war, I had nothing left now and I started to doubt that the new developments were good and right then, Ray showed up and made me believe that the old regime needed to be rearranged. That the crown had to return. He had so many plans and so many beautiful words so that I wanted to join him and I wasn´t the only one. He was a preacher. He was able to elate everyone who was listening to him and we were all sure that we could reach something." She paused and squinched up her face as if she didn´t like all these memories. "Eventually, we began to realise that Ray´s words were those of a madman. After he was so convincing and apparently clear, he became more and more insane and all his plans led to nothing. We had no success and with every doubt came the certainty that we had got on the wrong track. But it was already too late. They were chasing us as the criminals we were and not as the heroes we had wanted to be. And Ray? He stuck to his delusion and didn´t hesitate with killing everyone who got into his way."  
Olivia laid a hand over the bandage on her side. Bitterness had been in her voice and now on her face. It seemed like she detested herself for following Ray. But when I thought that she was going to say something again, she stayed silent. Olivia was lost in her thoughts and I hadn´t the feeling that I wanted to watch her. She needed to be alone.  
Hesitantly I stepped to the bed and gave her the bowl of warm stew I had brought with me. She took it, thanking me quietly and I grabbed the handle of the water bucket to leave the room. But Olivia´s voice held me back.  
"He´s not here anymore", she said and when I frowned in confusion, she lowered her eyes to the bowl in her hands. "Ray. When I last met him, he was just on his way to New York to sail to England. He said he wanted to search for his mother and bring her to his house in Savannah. So you don´t have to search for him for now and for now you don´t have to fear that he could harm you somehow. He has no one left who would support him. He´s alone and he will be alone when he comes back."


	38. Chapter 38

_**To MohawkWoman:** No need to thank me. :) I´m really grateful to have so patient readers. _

**_To Luthlien:_** _Oh, don´t worry. :) I don´t mind if you don´t have the time to comment on the chapters. Like MohawkWoman said: Life keeps us all busy. ;) But I´m happy to read something from you anyway. And yes: Emily is such a sweetie. I really love her, although it is strange to say that about your own character. But in the current chapter I´m writing, she´s already two years old, walks and talks and it´s so much fun to write her._

* * *

 **Time for happiness**

"Sit still now. Or do you want your hair to look like the wind has run through it in the first place?" Chuckling I grabbed Maria´s delicate shoulders and held her, so that she couldn´t slide back and forth on the chair anymore. I was trying for an eternity now, to pin up her hair, but her nervous fidgetiness didn´t make it easier. But I couldn´t hold it against her. I certainly hadn´t behaved different on my own wedding day. I glanced into the mirror and smirked when I saw how Maria was chewing on her bottom lip while looking at her own reflection. She was incredibly pale and I remembered that I really hadn´t felt different. I fixed a last strand of hair with a hairpin and put both hands on Maria´s shoulders, whereupon she looked at me through the mirror.  
"Everything will be fine", I said with a smile. "Everything is prepared and you don´t have to worry about anything. Just enjoy the day."  
Maria nodded slowly and lowered her eyes, while I continued doing her hair. Only when I was done, my friend moved again.  
"How did you know that you´re doing the right thing?", she asked and I frowned in confusion because I didn´t understand what she was driving at. She explained it to me. "How did you know that it was right to marry Connor? I mean...did you ever think that it could be a mistake? That he couldn´t be the right man? How did you come to the decision that you didn´t want to marry one of the men Theresa introduced you to in London?"  
I blinked surprised. I hadn´t been prepared for this onslaught of questions so that I needed a moment to search for an answer. I leaned my hips against the washstand and ran my fingertips over the grain of the wood, lost in my thoughts.  
"I decided to marry him because I love Connor", I finally answered. "I could have taken one of the men in London. Maybe one of them would have been the right man to care for me. But he wouldn´t have been the right one if I wanted to become happy."  
Maria had folded her hands in her lap and kneaded them nervously. I believed that she had become paler than before. She was breathing quickly and I pulled away from the washstand, to kneel down in front of her and take her cold hands into mine.  
"Do you have doubts that you really want to marry Ted?", I asked quietly and Maria nodded after some hesitation.  
"What if I have decided too quickly? If I will notice that he isn´t the right man for me?"  
I smiled and lightly squeezed her hands. "During all the time since you know each other, you could rarely see and still found each other. You two could have looked around for somebody else already, but you always thought of the other. I think it´s normal that you have doubts now. You´re about to take an important step. I almost felt the same. But listen to your heart and ask yourself how you would feel if Ted wasn´t with you anymore."  
Maria´s hands trembled lightly when she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "It would be terrible", she whispered at last and when she opened her eyes, I saw tears in them. "I don´t want to be separated from him."  
"And because of the same thought I have decided that Connor is the right man for me." I smirked and wiped a tear from her cheek with my index finger. "There will be times when living together maybe isn´t so easy. But you will get over those times and I´m sure you won´t regret anything."  
"And you´re not regretting anything?"  
I shook my head. "Not until now, but we aren´t married for long yet. Ask me again in ten years." A cheeky grin flitted across my lips when she raised an eyebrow. That certainly wasn´t what she had wanted to hear, but I could read in her eyes that she luckily didn´t take my words serious. I just wanted her to stop looking so thoughtfully.  
"Do you feel ready, or do you need a moment?", I asked and when she shook her head smirking, I stood up and began to fix the veil in her hair. Suddenly Maria appeared to be more relaxed, more confident and I was sure that she was going to enjoy this day.  
"Are you pleased?", I asked when I was draping the veil over her shoulders and a sparkle appeared in her eyes as she nodded. Maria rose from her chair, flattened her skirt and looked herself over in the mirror once again with her head cocked.  
"But do you think I will appeal to Ted?", she asked and looked at me, now unsure again.  
"He would be a fool if you won´t. You look beautiful."  
Maria looked into my eyes through the mirror again, before she turned around and hugged me. "Thank you, Lillian", she whispered and I gently pulled her against me.  
It was strange. The whole time I had been excited for her wedding and until now I had looked forward to go into the church and watch Maria taking a step into this new part of her life. But right in this moment, it became aware to me what I had suppressed the whole time: Tomorrow Maria was going to move to Boston with Ted to live there. I wouldn´t be able to see her so often anymore and I knew that I was going to miss her terribly. But I didn´t want to think about it now.

When there was a quiet knock on the door, we pulled away from each other, as Connor pushed his head through the open door.  
"Are you ready?", he asked and Maria and I uttered a simultaneous "Yes" which made us both grin. Even Connor couldn´t hold back a smirk, before he closed the door again and left us alone. Maria took a deep breath and grabbed her bridal bouquet, which was lying on the washstand.  
"Ready?"  
She nodded, now smiling nervously again and I opened the door to let her go ahead. Big Dave, who she had chosen as her male attendant, was already waiting for her downstairs. I hardly recognized him without his leather apron the smith was always wearing for his work. He uttered an acknowledging whistle when Maria stopped in front of him and fumbled nervously on her bridal bouquet.  
"A beautiful bride", he said with a wide smile. "And of course two beautiful bridesmaids."  
This compliment was for Ellen, who was standing by the door and me. We both wore identical white dresses with blue robes, which were looking like Maria´s dress but weren´t as much decorated with lace and ruches.  
Grinning I performed a curtsey and finally took the small bouquet Ellen was giving to me. Maria linked arms with her male attendant and together we left the house to go to the church. I took a deep breath of the fresh autumn air which was still smelling of the rain that had come down tonight and had soaked the paths and in the face of the many puddles, we women had to take care not to spatter our dresses. Connor, who was carrying Emily on his arm and was walking next to me, reached out his free hand for me from time to time, as if he feared I could fall during my more or less elegant evasive manoeuvres. One or two times he was wise to do so, but when we reached the church, the dresses were still as flawless as before. Connor went into the Lord´s house with Emily, while Ellen and I took position behind Maria and Big Dave. I saw how Maria squared her shoulders and pushed her chin forward, before we entered the church and I felt how my own nervousness boiled up. Almost as if I was stepping in front of the altar myself, but I´d already had my day. Now it was Maria´s turn, but I was going to enjoy this wedding anyway. It was the most positive event long since and at the same time it helped me sticking to my new resolutions: Not to rack my brains over people who didn´t do me good anyway. With the message about Ray´s departure to England, I had got the naive feeling that I had to enjoy this time of peace that was coming now. He was going to be away for almost half a year, if he was going to come back anyway and if he came back, we knew where he would be. Except of the templars, there was nothing I had to worry about for now. I was absolutely sure about it and I wanted to stick to it, although Connor always wanted to make me know that it wasn´t good for me to feel too safe. But why should I rack my brains for another six months? There were more important and good things in life. Like this wedding.

The ceremony, led by Father Timothy, took place in a reverent but warm atmosphere. All homesteaders had gathered to attend it. Since Maria had arrived here with me, everyone had grown fond of her and her open and fair character, like Maria had learned to love Davenport and its inhabitants. Everyone knew that she was going to leave us soon and so everyone wanted to celebrate with her one last time. According to this, the rapture was quite lively, when the Father pronounced Ted and Maria husband and wife and we left the church to receive them there. Prudence distributed some baskets filled with petals and so a colourful and light rain went down on the two, when they came out of the church. They radiated a seizable joy and the memory of Maria´s previous doubts was forgotten when I saw her shining eyes. Especially when she looked at her husband. She was happy and I was happy, too.  
When I went to her to congratulate her, Maria embraced me so firmly that I lost my breath for a moment.  
"Thank you, Lillian", she whispered into my ear. "If you weren´t with me, I surely would have got cold feet and would have regret it my whole life."  
"You don´t have to thank me." I pulled away from the embrace and we both chuckled when we saw the tears in the other´s eyes. "Now got to your husband so that we can go to the inn. We should celebrate and not sink into sentimentality", I said, still laughing and pushed Maria back to Ted. She laughed, too before she linked arms with him and they led the procession to the inn. I ran my shaking hand over my cheeks, where some tears had found her way to, before I followed them, Connor by my side. Sometimes I really hated it to be so prone to tears. I also hated this melancholic feeling that was seizing me in the face of the approaching farewell. But every kind of melancholy was consistently banished from my thoughts when we finally entered the pleasantly warm inn and the joyful mood of the wedding party spread into every corner of the room. Corrine and I had hung up some autumn arrangements and garlands made of the last flowers of the summer, which Prudence had done so ornately and which spread a pleasant smell, mingling with the scent of freshly cooked food. I went into the kitchen with Corrine to make the last preparations of the food, before we carried it into the dining area and distributed it among the others under their loud cheering. We had pushed together all the tables of the dining area so that we could enjoy the meal together and celebrate the bridal couple with a collective rising of our glasses.

It was noticeable that the whole homestead had looked forward to this feast. It was the perfect opportunity for us all, to forget the daily life and enjoy society. So it didn´t take long, after the last plates were emptied and put away, until the tables were scattered in the room againto create free space, where at first the bridal couple and finally some other pairs and brave loners came together to dance, musically accompanied by a small group of sailors. The music mingled with the joyful voices and laughing of the men and women and the mood became more and more lively. Amused I was sitting on my chair and especially watched the chaos on the improvised dance floor. A large group had gathered in a circle and was moving round and round, half dancing, half jumping, but singing loudly. It was obvious that some barrels of Oliver´s alcoholic delicacies had been opened already. Emily, who had been troubled by the unfamiliar crowd of people and noises in the beginning, was now sitting on my lap, relaxed and watching the hustle and bustle around us with wide eyes and totally forgetting the wooden toy in her hand, on which she had sucked with dedication before.  
"Look at it, little mite", Mr. Faulkner said, who had sat silently in front of us until now and had attended to his mug of ale, in which he had dripped something from his flask from time to time. To that effect his tongue was quite heavy already. "That´s how you have to celebrate and that´s how lust for life looks like, I tell you." Amazingly unerringly, he tipped his finger against Emily´s nose, whereupon she uttered an amused squeal and tried to reach for his hand, which was already at his mug again.  
"First and foremost it´s how lust for life paired with alcohol looks like", I smirked and gained a crooked grin from Faulkner for it.  
"Both are quite similar", he mumbled and had a deep sip from his drink, before he pointed at Connor with the mug.  
"Just ask the Captain how happy the men are, every time they can go ashore and into a tavern."  
Connor, who had sat silently next to me until now and had watched the chaos on the dance floor, now looked at his first mate and squinched up his face. "I will evade an answer", he just replied and Faulkner chuckled, while I couldn´t hold back a grin. For a composed man like Connor, a bunch of drunken sailors wasn´t his company of choice. I didn´t mind drunken jollity, as long as people still knew how to behave.  
"Can I entrust Emily to you for a moment, so that I can dance?", I ask, as I leant to Connor a bit.  
"Of course. Take your time." Connor lifted Emily on his lap and I saw how the corners of his mouth twitched upwards when I leaped up, wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed a grateful kiss on his temple, before I happily went to the dance floor and joined the others, who had created an alley by now to let single pairs dance through it.  
For a whole while I got carried away by the liveliness of the feast, danced, laughed and enjoyed the jolliness of my friends. I also grabbed Maria and together we whirled over the dance floor, laughing loudly and no one of us took over the leading role of the man. We were just turning in circles and enjoyed it like two little girls, although we soon felt dizzy and even if we weren´t drunk, we started to stagger. When we finally felt onto our bottoms, not only the people around us were highly amused by it. Cackling and snorting with laughter we were sitting on the floor, held each other in our arms and right now I really didn´t thought about a farewell.

We needed the help of Big Dave and Ted to stand up while we were still laughing our heads off. We hugged each other once again, before we returned to our seats to moisten our dry throats. I was still giggling quietly, especially when I saw the amused sparkle in Connor´s eyes, who had probably watched us the whole time.  
"Are you sure, that there was only water in there?", he asked smirking as I sat down next to him again and grabbed my mug. I nodded, while I emptied the mug with a few sips.  
"You don´t always need alcohol to be joyful", I said grinning and looked at Mr. Faulkner, who only raised his mug humming. I chuckled in the face of his lazy posture, before I looked at Emily who had already slipped into the land of dreams. Connor had laid his arms around her so that she was protected from the flickering candle light on the table. She had buried her head in his chest, her tiny fist close to her mouth and her lips opened and closed, as if she wanted to suck on her fist. Carefully I reached out my hand and stroked through her dark hair.  
"I bring her upstairs", I said quietly and lifted her on my arms, when Connor nodded and slowly loosened his grip around Emily. She was fast asleep, even when I carefully moved through the room and past our friends. On the upper floor of the inn, Myriam, Prudence and I had created a sleeping area made of blankets on the floor in one of the rooms for the three youngest inhabitants of the homestead, where they could rest and we didn´t need to worry that no one was taking care of them. So one of us was always upstairs and saw that everything was all right. When I entered the room, Prudence was there and was gently stroking the head of her sleeping son. We just smiled at each other when I kneeled down next to her and carefully bedded Emily on the soft blankets. I stayed for quite a while, after Prudence had left the room, watched her and only when Myriam came upstairs, I could return to the wedding celebration without a bad conscience.

By now the dance floor was empty and it had become much calmer. They were sitting together, talked to each other, drinking one or two ales. Connor was also holding his mug in both hands, turning it slowly while he was looking into the liquid inside.  
"Oliver says, it doesn´t taste so good anymore when the froth is gone", I said smirking when I sat down next to him and glanced into his mug.  
"Oliver is dependent on topping up", Connor replied and lightly tilted the mug so that the froth of the ale swashed against the edge.  
"That´s true." I watched how Connor tilted the mug into the other direction, before my gaze moved through the room. It stopped at two empty chairs, on which Ted and Maria had sat before.  
"Where are they?", I asked Connor, who looked up only shortly before attending to his drink again.  
"They left already. Shortly after you brought Emily upstairs."  
"Without saying goodbye?" My voice sounded almost disappointed, but Connor appeared to be amused when he looked at me.  
"We left without saying a word, too."  
He wasn´t wrong about that. Obviously Maria and Ted had chosen the time to retire on their own. But somehow I had hoped that I could chat with Maria a bit.  
 _I should get used to it that from now on, she doesn´t have time for me only anymore._  
I gulped with this thought. Selfishly I had already got used to it that Maria had always been there for me when I had needed her. She had always been not only a moral support, but had also helped me with my everyday problems. Especially in the beginning, after we had arrived in America. I already missed it to have her with me, although I was happy for her that she now had made a huge step towards her own family, something she had always wished to have. Even when she had still been working for Theresa and somehow for me. Maria was one of the people I wished every luck on the world, although it must look like I didn´t.  
I hadn´t noticed that Connor had watched me from the side the whole time, while I had just stared at the two empty chairs. The scraping of chair legs on the wooden floor got me out of my thoughts and I blinked several times when Connor laid his arm around me, before I looked away from the chairs.  
"She will be fine. Ted will be a good husband to her", Connor said quietly, so that I was the only one who heard him and he lightly tipped his index finger against my chin so that I looked at him. "Do not look as if you have carried her to the grave."  
I squinched up my face. "Do I really look like that?"  
When Connor nodded, I uttered a quiet, frustrated groan and buried my head on his shoulder, whereupon Connor wrapped his other arm around me, too and propped his chin on my head.  
"I will miss her", I mumbled into his shirt.  
"I know. But you will not be hundreds of miles away from each other. You can visit her and she can visit you."  
He said it as if it was the easiest thing on the world and I tried to hope that Maria and I were really going to find the time and chance to meet each other so easily, although it had already been difficult here in the homestead sometimes.

* * *

Around noon of the next day, I was standing with Maria in front of her former house and watched Ted saddling the horse with which he was going to bring his beloved to Boston. Maria´s belongings were already in the house in which they were going to live together and so there was nothing I could help her with before her departure. We were just standing silently next to each other and I could read in Maria´s face that she was expecting this farewell as sadly as I did. Especially because of that, I forced myself to smile encouragingly, when Ted was ready at last and was only waiting for his wife. She turned to me, grabbed my hands and looked at me with teary eyes.  
"I´m really going to miss you, Lillian", she said with a husky voice, before she embraced me tumultuously. "If I didn´t know you, I wouldn´t have come here. I would have stayed in London and certainly I would still clean up after some noble ladies and gentlemen."  
She sobbed quietly and I had to bite my bottom lip not to cry, too.  
"I will miss you, too", I murmured and stroked over her hair. I couldn´t say anything more, if I didn´t want my voice to break. But still I added: "We will certainly meet some time or other. When I´m in Boston or you´re somewhere in this region. Our door will always be open for you."  
Maria pulled away from the embrace and a smile was on her lips, which didn´t want to fit to the tears running down her cheeks.  
"And you´re always welcome, too", she said and hugged me one last time, before she went to Ted who helped her mounting the horse. I followed her a bit, stopped next to the animal and looked up to them. "Take care of each other."  
They nodded and Maria blew me a kiss, before Ted drove the horse on.  
"Give Connor my regards and kiss Emily for me", I heard Maria call, before they disappeared behind the next bend in the road. Only then I allowed myself to cry.

Very slowly I made my way back home while I was sobbing to myself. Not until the manor appeared in front of me and I finally climbed the stairs to the front door, I forced myself to stop crying, but probably I would have lost it anyway. Because when I opened the door, the first person I saw was a soldier, stumping down the staircase to the upper floor. Surprised I stayed in the door frame like frozen, while he looked at me with knitted eyebrows.  
"Ma'am", he grumbled, maybe as a kind of greeting. My reply was only a jerky nod and a stammered "What do you want here?", when Connor came downstairs. His expression showed suppressed anger and my chin almost dropped, when two more soldiers came out of our kitchen and the study.  
"I told you, she is not here", Connor growled and hearing his tone, I was wondering why these three gentlemen weren´t lying on top of each other bleeding.  
"My apologies, Sir. But we were told that she´s hiding here", the soldier, who had come downstairs with Connor, said. I didn´t dare to ask whom they were talking about. I could guess anyway.  
"Well, it is not the case. So if you would not mind to leave my house..." Connor pulled me to himself and pointed at the now free door. The soldiers shortly looked at each other, before the one nodded and they left wordlessly. The door fell loudly shut behind them. Connor growled something in his mother-tongue, before he stepped to the window and watched the three men riding away. Not until then he turned around again and stomped to the cellar. I followed him.  
"What did they want here? Did they search for Olivia?", I ask while Connor pulled at the candleholder beside the hidden door that opened. He nodded grimly.  
"And why did you let them in anyway?"  
"Because I was outside and had Emily with me, when they came all of the sudden. If it had been different..." He didn´t finish the sentence, but he didn´t have to. I knew the continuation. Wordlessly I followed him downstairs and there he stood up in front of Olivia with crossed arms. She was sitting on the table in a bend posture and looked at him unmoved. I didn´t even ask how she knew about the hidden door.  
"Perdóname", she said. "I couldn't know that they knew where I could be."  
"But at least you could hide in time, when they came", Connor uttered in a bitter and scornful tone. He had crossed his arms in front of his chest, but loosened this posture when he stepped closer to Olivia. I could only guess the grim gaze she was confronted with, but it didn´t seem to bother her. She kept looking at Connor, while he decided resolutely: "You will stay here, until you are better. But then you will leave and are only allowed to come back when everything is settled and they are not searching for you anymore. Never again I want soldiers to come into my house and maybe threat my family only because I am granting shelter to someone. Is this understood?"  
Olivia´s answer was a short nod.


	39. Chapter 39

_Hey everyone. :)_

 _This is a whole Lillian &Connor-Chapter, which I just wanted to give them before things are getting difficult again. So if you don´t like to read such chapters/ scenes, you have to wait for the next chapter. ;) To the rest of you: Enjoy reading._

* * *

 **I miss you**

 _May, 1786_

Half a year passed. Peaceful seven months in which we heard nothing from Ray or even the templars and in which we almost had the feeling, that there had never been a threat coming from them, even though Connor left from time to time, to do some missions for the brotherhood. By now he left us alone for some time to do so. Everything was like it had used to be before Ray had appeared and had messed everything up. I didn´t have to look around with discomfort anymore when if left the house just to work outside for example.  
Like I was doing on this particular day. In a thirst of action I had begun to clean up the house for the upcoming summer. The fireplaces had to be swept out thoroughly because they were barely used at the moment. Armed with a small shovel and a hand brush, I attended to every single one of them, removed the cold ash and accepted more or less that fine particles of soot were flying up in the process and got stuck on my skin. I had confided Emily to Diana´s care and Caleb and Connor were at sea for three weeks now. They had sailed to Martha´s Vineyard because the Aquila needed some repairing and refinements she would get there. Olivia already left us two weeks after the visit of the soldiers and didn´t show up here again since then and that was a good thing. So I was completely undisturbed during my work. At least I thought so.

I grabbed the last bucket of cold ash and carried it outside to dispose of its content. Back in the kitchen, I heaved a bucket of fresh water onto the work surface and dipped my hands in the cold liquid. The soot on them came off and drew fine black lines which I tried to draw out through light movements to create small pictures on the water´s surface. With moderate success. Smirking I interrupted my child´s play, washed my arms, neck and décolleté and also sprinkled some water into my face. When I dried myself with a towel, I winced as suddenly two strong arms were laid around my waist and I was pulled against a pleasantly warm body.  
"Eventually I´m going to have a knife in my hand when you sneak up like that", I mumbled but couldn´t hold back my amused tone.  
"That is only going to scare me, when I know that you are able to use a knife", Connor murmured into my ear. Actually I wanted to counter but I didn´t know what to say. I was too distracted by Connor´s lips which were stroking delicately over my exposed nape and crook of my neck. They left a noticeable warmth and a light, pleasant prickle, where my skin had been touched by the cold water. A pleasant shiver ran through my body and I couldn´t keep a quiet sigh from leaving my lips.  
"When did you come back?", I asked, just to force myself not to let my mind wander too far away.  
"Just arrived", murmured Connor as an answer and kept caressing my neck while his hands slowly stroked from my belly to my hips. I swallowed heavily.  
"So you...came here directly then?", I asked, while my eyes fluttered shut and I leaned my head against his shoulder. Although I was inwardly asking myself, why I was allowed to enjoy his tender touches, I enjoyed it immensely. Connor could explain me some sailing routes, as long as he didn´t stop what he was just doing, I would listen to him forever.  
"Don´t you have to...help on the Aquila somehow?", I tried to stay close to reality again. I couldn´t be entirely distracted by him after only two minutes, could I?  
Self-control, Lillian. Just a question of self-control.  
"The men will do it", Connor answered and pulled me tighter, not without stopping his caresses, on the other side of my neck this time.  
"And why are you ambushing me like that? I´m not used to it", I said and leaned my head a bit sideward, so that he had better access to my skin. So much about self-control.  
Connor paused shortly and made me squinch up my face in disappointment. Who had said that he should stop?  
Carefully Connor put his mouth to my ear and murmured: "I missed you."  
A small smile flitted across my lips and I raised an arm to reach behind me to run my fingertips over Connor´s cheek.  
"You weren´t away for so long", I said with a gentle voice and my fingers slid to Connor´s nape. He hummed quietly and I saw, how his eyes closed for a moment.  
"But I missed to be alone with you." With these words, he turned me around to him. My palms pressed against his chest when he pulled me so close that there wouldn´t be enough space for a piece of paper between us. His eyes fixed mine and I understood what he meant.  
Since Emily´s birth, for a year now, we had rarely shared entirely undisturbed moments alone with each other. Either we had been in trouble and had been somewhere else with our thoughts because of that, or I had to attend to Emily with all my heart. She was also sharing our room after all. Of course we had shared tender caresses and had given in to our passion for each other, but these moments hadn´t been as perfect as they had used to be because of the sleeping child only a few metres away. We loved our daughter with all our hearts, but we somehow lost the love we were giving to her in our own relationship.

I sighed deeply and closed my eyes, when Connor leaned his forehead against mine. "I miss you, too", I whispered and felt Connor´s lips on mine shortly afterwards. It was a deep kiss, but when Connor´s hands moved from my hips to my bottom, I grabbed his hands and pulled away.  
"It is midday", I began quietly and gained a frown from Connor. "Caleb can be here in every moment and I have to pick Emily up soon. We´re not alone, at least not entirely." I hated it to say that, because with the caressing of my neck alone, Connor had aroused this little flame inside of me, which was only waiting for living on his closeness. But which worth had it, when we could be disturbed in every moment?  
Connor put his hands on my cheeks and I had almost protested, when he leaned my head to the side and backwards a bit to attend to my neck with his lips again. Hadn´t he listened to me?  
"Connor...", I whispered and wanted to pull at his hair lightly, so that he stopped. But it just felt too wonderful...  
"Caleb will be busy on the Aquila the whole day", Connor murmured when he stopped his doings on my neck for a moment. "He has received some important tasks which need to be done."  
"I´m sure these tasks came from the Captain himself, didn´t they?"  
A confirmative hum was the answer and I had to grin shortly. Sometimes Connor could be a dodgy bastard.  
"But what about Emily? I consigned her to Diana´s care so that I can do some housework, from which you are distracting me by the way..." I gasped in surprise when I felt Connor´s teeth on my earlobe, as if he wanted to punish me for even thinking about housework.  
"When?", Connor asked, before his lips drew a line from my throat up to my mouth.  
"Maybe an hour ago?", I answered insecurely and already enjoyed the light touch of our lips. No matter what I was saying, basically I didn´t even want to listen to myself anymore.  
"Could you do what you have planned to do in one hour?"  
I shook my head.  
"In two?"  
I shook my head again.  
"In three?"  
"Maybe."  
"So it means you have to pick Emily up in two hours at the earliest, right?"  
I nodded.  
"So what are you worrying about then?"  
That was a very good question...I smirked. "Sometimes you´re really incredible", I said, right before Connor conquered my lips with his again. His heated kiss weakened my legs and I was glad that he had wrapped his arms tightly around me and pressed me against him. Otherwise my knees would have given in. Once again he had managed it to make me become wax in his hands, or rather he was close. Because a small, mischievous part of me decided to keep him in suspense. He shouldn´t think that it was so easy for him to seduce me...although it was.  
I pulled away from the kiss, pushed Connor away from me and tried to stay as serious as possible, when he gave me an indignant gaze. He hadn´t expected that.  
"I really have much to do", I told him and didn´t even wait for a reaction, when I pushed myself past him and left the kitchen, although I would have liked to see his face. Relaxed I walked along the hallway, but a grin appeared on my face, when I heard Connor´s steps behind me. My hips started to sway provocatively and when I reached the staircase and climbed the first stairs, seriousness wasn´t on my side anymore. Connor´s and my gazes met and I recognized this sparkle in his eyes, which was always there when he was amused about something. How should I have been able to make him believe that his tender attention in the kitchen had left me cold?

Smirking I climbed the stairs, Connor close behind me and he had already reached me before I was able to enter our bedroom. His hands were on my hips when he gently pushed me through the door and kicked it shut with his foot. I turned around to him, pulled him down to me on the collar of his shirt and kissed him full of dedication while his hands began to free me from my clothes, likewise dedicative. I laughed. "You know that it looks quite desperate when we´re going for each other like this, don´t you?"  
"We have time for each other at last and I do not want you to come up with the idea that you have more important things to do", Connor grumbled as an answer while my bodice was fluttering to the floor and I was only in my shift.  
"More important?", I asked smirking and pushed his coat from his shoulders. "I don´t know what could be more important right now..."  
Connor let me be to slip out of his leggings and shoes and finally led me to the bed by my wrist, where he sat down on the foot and pulled me astride onto his lap. After he had been so in the hurry to free me from my upper garments, I took every time of the world to open his shirt, button after button. Although we didn´t know how much time we were going to have for each other in the end, I wanted to enjoy every second of it. My lips gently brushed his, his cheek, his distinctive chin, while my hands were celebrating the exposing of his torso. The more of his skin became visible, the more time I took to caress it with my fingertips after every button I had opened.  
Connor had closed his eyes, his hands lying motionless on my thighs and was obviously enjoying what I did. Carefully I pushed the unbuttoned shirt from his shoulders and followed its path with my lips. Connor´s skin was so wonderfully warm and soft and when I kissed along the crook of his neck, I believed to taste the salt of the sea air he had been exposed to over the last weeks. In the meantime my hands slid over his chest, to his belly and very lightly, my fingertips stroked along the waistband of his trousers. Connor reacted with a sharp inhale and when he opened his eyes, I could read the same longing in them I was feeling, too.  
I bend forward and we got lost in a passionate kiss during which Connor´s hands slid over my waist upwards and loosened the grip that was holding my hair together. He ran his fingers through my curls, opened them like this and draped them over my shoulders. He pulled away from my lips and regarded his work, while his fingers were still playing with some strands. He said nothing while it seemed like he wanted to memorise every single detail of my face and this silence made me become uneasy after some time.  
"Could you please stop staring at me?", I asked and pushed my bottom lip forward. An amused smile flitted across Connor´s lips.  
"Are you in a hurry after all?"  
"First, you have been in a hurry and second...it makes me nervous when you´re just looking at me." The last words were only a quiet mumble which made Connor cock his head.  
"I am sorry", he said gently. "But sometimes I cannot help myself."

He pulled me closer again and kissed me tenderly, while his hands moved downwards again and stopped on my knees. I moaned quietly when they slid along my thighs provocatively slowly, putting gentle pressure on their insides with his thumbs. Bit by bit he pushed my shift up and the further he got, the stronger became the goose bumps he was causing. He pulled away from the kiss when he pulled my last piece of clothing over my head and I shivered shortly. I wasn´t entirely sure if it was because of the cold air in the room, to which I was exposed now or if Connor´s gaze and his caressing hands were causing it. Soon I excluded the former, because I had the feeling to burn internally. It was noticeable that the last time we had shared such intimate touches was too long ago. I was longing for touching Connor and for being touched by him. When I wrapped my arms around his torso and pulled him closer, as gasp fled both of our lips when bare skin met bare skin. I buried my face in the crook of Connor´s neck and lightly nibbled at this sensitive spot which made my lover sigh contentedly. It was music to my ears.  
I continued with my caresses until I felt how Connor´s right hand moved from my hips over my torso, finally laid around my breast and started to massage it gently. Now it was on me to utter a contended sound, which was soon similar to a moan, as Connor thumb brushed the sensitive peak.  
I threw my head back and arched my back, so that he could reach it with his lips and a warm prickle ran through my body when he did. This touch alone felt heavenly, but much to my regret Connor didn´t want to indulge in this wonderful game of his lips for long. He made me lift my hips a bit, so that he could move backwards onto the bed and slip out of his pants, before he pulled me closer again and I sat down on his thighs.  
My hands found their way into his nape when we kissed each other again, but I let them stroke down over his shoulders to his chest, slowly and gently, stopped there for a moment, when I felt the vibration of his heartbeat underneath my fingertips and finally moved them lower. I didn´t have a certain intention, but I paused all of the sudden, when Connor broke the kiss and gulped, his eyes closed. I had come closer to the most sensitive part of his body and after his reaction, my hands slid back up again and came to rest on his chest.  
"Sorry", I whispered, but Connor shook his head.  
"You did nothing wrong." His voice was husky and sounded as if he had to concentrate on every single word.  
Suddenly I remembered the night when he had touched me like I just had almost done it to him. I also remembered how it had felt and the thought alone made me shiver and feel those feelings again. But did it feel the same for him like it did for me or did a man feel different about it?  
Hesitantly I took a hand from his chest, laid it on his thigh and when he didn´t show a reaction, I briefly touched his manhood with my fingertips. My gaze was fixed on Connor´s face so that I saw how he bit his bottom lip to suppress a groan that was still leaving his throat.  
I breathed a gentle kiss on his lips, before I became braver and touched him again. Connor tensed and gasped, but I quickly realized that he was enjoying it. With closed eyes he leaned his forehead against mine and I felt his heavy breath brushing my face. Somehow I feared that I could hurt him, but I wrapped my hand around him and carefully began to stroke him. Connor moaned quietly and a smile appeared on my lips. Obviously he, as a man, was feeling the same way.

But I was taken by surprise a bit when Connor eventually grabbed my wrist and led my hand to his chest. Again I could feel his heartbeat, but it had quickened up considerably.  
"Not like this", Connor whispered and for a whole while, neither of us moved. When Connor was also saying nothing, I had the short fear that I had done something wrong. But when Connor leaned his head back and looked into my eyes, I couldn´t see anything in his gaze that could have suggested it. With one hand he stroked a strand of hair behind my ear and finally involved me in a tender kiss.  
Sighing I wrapped my arms around his neck and felt how his hands moved from my sides down to my hips. I almost expected him to turn me on my back, but before he was able to realise this assumed plan, I put my hands on his chest again and pushed him backwards on the mattress. Connor was so surprised by it that I didn´t need much strength to do so. Admittedly I was used to it and also enjoyed it to be the one to give myself to him on this point. But although I was a bit insecure, I just had discovered that Connor wasn´t the only one of us who was able to make the partner enjoy the touches of the other and to let go. I didn´t want to give this experience away so quickly.  
Connor didn´t seem to mind anyway. He kept looking at me and his hands were caressing my hips, when I raised them a bit and finally let him slowly enter me, moaning quietly. It hadn´t been clear to me how much I really had missed it to feel him this way without being unable to enjoy it because I always had to think about Emily. But she wasn´t here and still someone was looking after her. Connor and I were finally alone and could enjoy it.  
Slowly I began to move and like before I watched Connor´s reaction closely. His gaze was resting on me and the grip of his hands on my hips became firmer when he adapted to my movements. Soon our bodies were in unison to which I gave me entirely. My fingertips tenderly stroked over Connor´s belly and although I would have liked to close my eyes, I still kept them on my husband. I smiled when I saw how much he was enjoying our togetherness. His eyes were closed, his expression relaxed and his lips slightly open. I was tempted to bend down and kiss them but too much I was enjoying the feeling, to be able to make Connor let go and give himself to me. To enjoy it not to have the control about every situation. We were married for two years now and our wedding alone had been a step for Connor, which wouldn´t have been imaginable before, because we had only known each other for one year. Connor never had really accepted the closeness to people and that was still the case. But he was giving up this attitude when he was with me and admittedly it was still surprising me over and over again when he was even seeking for my closeness. Like today. With another man, I probably would have thought that this was natural, that he was a "only man with needs, too". But with Connor it was something special and it always became aware to me in moments like this and made me love him even more than I already did. His gaze he was giving me under half lidded eyes confirmed me in it.

Suddenly Connor sat up but instead of turning us, he wrapped an arm around me and buried the other hand in my hair. The passionate tenderness of his following kiss made me forget the light pain on my scalp when he did it a bit rougher than intended. But I wasn´t allowed to have a taste of his lips half as long as I would have wanted it. They left mine, brushed my chin and when I leaned my head back, he breathed a kiss into the hollow of my collarbone, before they left my skin and left me behind longing.  
My eyes had already closed and the only thing I was able to do was to enjoy. To enjoy how Connor´s hands stroked over my sides down to my hips. To enjoy how the intensity of our movements increased until all of this befell me like a wave hit the beach. In only noticed in a corner of my consciousness that Connor found his release, too. He leaned his forehead against my shoulder, breathed soft kisses on my heated skin from time to time and loosened his grip around my hips only slowly. No one of us said a word, until Connor raised his head from my shoulder and I folded my hands in his nape.  
I really got lost in the gaze of his brown eyes when he gently stroked my cheek. "I missed you", he repeated his words from the kitchen, but this time the longing behind it had been satisfied. A loving smile appeared on my lips and I ran my fingers through his dark hair, which he enjoyed with closed eyes.  
"I missed you, too", I whispered and laid my lips on his. I felt how the corners of Connor´s mouth rose slightly when he returned the kiss and allowed him to pull me with him when he slowly sank onto his back. I came to rest on his chest and when he wrapped his arms around me, I didn´t want to withdraw from this position anyway. I broke the kiss, ran my lips over his throat down to his collarbone and finally bedded my head on his chest with a quiet sigh. I could listen to the beating of his heart and felt how his chest rose and sank with every breath and I with it.  
"Should I become too heavy, you need to tell me", I murmured when it came to my mind that my position could make it difficult for him to breathe. But Connor pressed me closer with his arms for a moment and slightly raised his head to kiss my hair.  
"I never will", he murmured and made me smirk. He could have said everything that either would have offended or complimented me. But this simple, neutral answer was typical for Connor and made him so lovable.

A pleasant silence spread between us. Connor´s hands caressed my back, while my fingers drew little circles and lines on his chest. We enjoyed the silence, the closeness to each other and the warmth of the other without thinking about when this time, which only belonged to us, could be over. But as much as I was enjoying it, there was one thing I wanted to say.  
"Connor, could I ask you for something?"  
I got a hum as an answer, which made his chest vibrate and caused a tingly feeling on my skin.  
"Next time you´re missing it to be alone with me, we don´t need to fall upon each other like two hungry wolves." I raised my head and looked at him, a cheeky grin on my lips. "Don´t get me wrong. I really missed it to be with you, but sometimes I also want to spend time with you whenever we have the chance. Dressed."  
Connor´s chest trembled again, this time because of his suppressed laughter. He looked at me and his lips curled into a smile when he put a hand on my cheek and tenderly stroked to my hair.  
"I think we can do that", he said and with a satisfied smile, I let my head sink onto his chest again and enjoyed the caresses Connor was starting on my back again.  
I would have fallen asleep, if he eventually hadn´t wrapped my leg around his hips and rolled to the side, so that I came to rest on the mattress. Connor fished for the blanket, spread it over us and pulled me closer, so that the tips of our noses almost touched. I smirked and reached out a hand to gently run it through his hair.  
"But we can´t stay so long", I murmured and was pulled even closer.  
"Long enough", Connor mumbled and if I had wanted it, it would have been difficult for me to get out of his embrace. How good that I didn´t want to.


	40. Chapter 40

_Hello again :)  
_

 _Here´s the new chapter, but before I let you read, I want to refer to the link to my Pinterest which you can find on my profile. There I´m sharing all the images I use as an inspiration for this story. You can check it out, if you want. ;)_

 _Enjoy reading._

 **To MohawkWoman:** _Thank you. :) It really means a lot to me when somebody thinks that Lillian is a good match for Connor. It always reassures me that it was the right decision to create her as a "normal" woman, although I often heard it different. But I stand by her and I´m glad that some people do like her and the pairing with Connor. :)  
_

* * *

 **A special day**

A few days later, I was woken by a light pull at my hair in the morning. Grumbling I curled up to a ball and pulled the blanket over my head without opening my eyes. Somewhere behind me sounded a squealing laugh and the mattress started so sway when the creator of this laugh jumped lightly up and down and slapped her hands against my back. I uttered a growl, jerkily pushed the blanket back and looked into Emily´s surprised face. Her brown eyes were wide and her mouth was open until she uttered a joyful squeal again and reached out her arms for me. Connor was sitting behind her on the mattress with crossed legs and held her by her hips, so that she was standing safely and could seesaw up and down with her knees, which seemed to be great fun for her.  
I grinned, sat up and reached out my arms for Emily, so that I could catch her when Connor let her go and she fell forward.  
"I thought the times, when you tore me out of my sleep, are over."  
Emily kicked her short legs when I put her on the mattress and began to tickle her lightly. I chuckled about her liveliness and finally looked at Connor, who had a smirk on his face.  
"Or did you incite her?", I asked him grinning and an amused sparkle appeared in his eyes.  
"We even let you sleep longer, but now we thought it is time for you to get up. Or do you want to miss your birthday?"  
My expression slipped away and rolling my eyes, I uttered a groan before I flopped back into the pillows. I hadn´t thought of my birthday anymore. I wrapped my arms around Emily, when she crawled closer to me and started to play with my hair.  
"Then you could have woken your old mother a bit gentler", I mumbled and received a strong pull at one of my dark strands of hair as an answer. Connor grinned now and grabbed for Emily´s hands before she was able to do more, sat her up and pulled her closer to him, so that her back leaned against his knee.  
"You are not old", he smirked and raised a hand when I squinched up my face. "But still I have something for you."  
Surprised I watched him grabbing his pillow, lifting it and revealing a wooden box which he took and gave to me. Slowly I finally sat up and regarded the box without taking it.  
"But you don´t need to give me a present", I said resolutely. We had never made something important of the birthdays in this house. They were normal days. Without presents, without festivities, only with a more extravagant dinner. Nothing more and so I didn´t even want to take a present. But Connor kept reaching out the box to me and looked at me invitingly, until I took it with a quiet grumble.

I sat up, put the box on my knees and stroked over the polished lid while I was asking myself, what could be inside of it. It was too big to contain jewellery and too small for a piece of clothing. I doubted that Connor would give me something like that anyway. He always thought practical but probably he would neither give me a cooking spoon or something like that.  
"Open it", Connor asked me to do, while it seemed like Emily was bored again and had detected something interesting and for adults invisible on the blanket and began to examine it thoroughly.  
I sighed quietly and opened the lid of the box. Now I was the one whose mouth opened in surprise. In the box, which was lined with blue fabric, were two little powder cans, a pouch filled with ammunition and a pistol. It was much smaller than the pistol Connor was often using and with which I had practised until now. Handle and the casing of the barrel were made of polished, dark wood and it was decorated with beautifully engraved silver plates. The metal pieces on the weapon were made of silver, too. It was beautiful and I ran my fingertips reverently over the silver decorations.  
"I have to confess that I did not buy it or had it made", Connor just said and moved a bit closer to me. "It was in the basement with the other weapons the whole time and I rarely used it. But I think it fits you and certainly is handier for you than the other pistols because of its size."  
I nodded slowly while my fingertips moved over the smooth wood now. I hadn´t known which present I should expect, but a weapon would have been the last thing I had thought about. But at least I hadn´t been wrong that Connor wouldn´t give me something that wouldn´t be of practical value to me. But I could really go without this value.

"You do not like it?", Connor asked when I was still saying nothing about his gift. I didn´t know how to answer his question. The pistol was beautiful but it was going to be hard for me to get used to the thought that I owned a weapon now.  
"No, I do", I said and forced myself to smile when I looked at Connor. "But you didn´t need to give it to me. I don´t intend to use a weapon regularly after all."  
"But when you have to, it is available and you do not have to ask me for it", Connor replied and tapped on the wooden handle of the pistol with his finger. "You do not have to have it with you all the time. Just keep it somewhere where you can take it quickly if you need it. You know how it works, how to handle it and you are much more confident in shooting. It is on you to decide where and how you want to use all this."  
I nodded again and this time my smile was honest, when I leaned forward and kissed him shortly. "Thank you."  
I certainly would cherish the pistol, although I kept hoping that I was never going to be forced to use it. Connor smiled contentedly, when he stood up and lifted Emily on his arms, who had fun beating Connor´s pillow in some trace of musical creativity and babbling in incomprehensible sentences in the meantime. She commented the disturbance with a protestant sound but Connor had already walked to the door with her, where he turned around again and asked me smirking: "Does the old woman need help, or can you manage it to stand up alone?"  
My answer, a flying pillow, hit the back of his head.

Apart from Caleb´s congratulations when I had finally stood up and had gone downstairs, the rest of the day was like any other day. Connor went into the frontier to check if everything was alright there after there had been problems with poachers a few days ago. Caleb ranged the homestead like always to help where he was needed and I attended to the household. A completely normal day but it took a quicker turn than I would have preferred it.  
It was already in the evening and the light of the setting sun bathed the kitchen in reddish light. I was sitting at the kitchen table and cut vegetables which were supposed to be side dish for the rabbit-roast stewing in a pot on the fire in the meantime. It already smelled of freshly prepared meat and I was looking forward to dinner which was going to be the only special thing on my birthday, beside Connor´s present. Humming quietly I was concentrated on my work until suddenly Noir´s angry barking sounded from outside. It was coming closer to the back door in a fast pace but ended abruptly in loud whimper. Then everything was silent. Deadly silent. Not even Emily, who had been sitting on a blanket in the corner in her usual liveliness and had played with her toys, uttered a sound. Entirely frozen she was sitting there, staring to the hallway while I slowly lowered the knife.

My heart was beating painfully fast in my chest when I stood up, the handle of the knife firmly in my grip. I gave an insecure gaze to Emily, who was looking at me now.  
"I´ll be right back", I said as calmly as I could, before I carefully approached the back door. I put my shaking hand on the door knob, turned it agonisingly slowly and opened the door. At first there was only the rustling of the wind in the trees and the distant sound of the waves hitting the beach in the bay. My gaze roamed over the close environment, but I couldn´t detect anything conspicuous and also didn´t dare to step out of the door. My grip around the knife became firmer. I uttered a whistle, normally the unmistakable order for Noir to come here. But nothing happened. I whistled again and this time I received a reaction, but not the one I had hoped for.  
At first I only heard a rustling in the high grass not far from me and when I turned to the source of this noise, I saw how Noirs large, black body rose slowly from the green. I was relieved at first, but this relief vanished as quickly as it had come when she slowly staggered to me, her head low, her tail down.  
"What is wrong with you?", I asked and kneeled down, when she reached me. Only now I could see the dark shine of wetness on the right side of her head and carefully I reached out my hand for it. Noir uttered a pained howl when I touched her and even snapped for my hand which I could pull back just in time. I gulped when I saw the blood sticking on my fingertips.  
"What happened, girl?", I asked and carefully stroked over Noir´s shoulder while I was searching for an answer for my question. How had she got injured? Why had she barked before anyway?

I just wanted to make Noir coming into the house with me, so that I could treat her wound, as her hackles rose all of the sudden and a deep growl left her throat. But her gaze wasn´t turned at me but at a spot behind me. Jerkily I wanted to leap up to defend myself with the knife in my hand if necessary, but I wasn´t able to do so.  
An iron-like grip grabbed me by my collar and tore me up with so much force that I was choked for a moment. A throaty scream left my lips and I heard how Noir started to bark angrily as the door was shut in front of her nose. My heels scrapped over the floor when I was dragged into the kitchen and the firm grip around my wrist, where I was holding the knife, prevented me dependably from defending myself. I tried nevertheless. I wiggled, screamed, kicked around me, but all of this didn´t help.  
"Damn it, Lilly! Stop it! I don´t want to hurt you", I heard Ray´s muffled voice by my ear, but instead of calming down, I struggled even more. Ray pulled me into the kitchen, stopped by the doorframe and shoved my hand, which was still holding the knife, shortly but forcefully against the squared wood. The pain was enough to make me open my hand so that the provisional weapon dropped loudly to the floor. I heard Ray snorting quietly when he finally dragged me to the bench in front of the kitchen table and pushed me on it by my shoulders.  
Now I could finally see him when he stepped in front of me. He was still wearing this damn cape but not the hood so that I could look straight into his disfigured face. I could read no emotion in his expression when he looked at me. There was no anger, no aggressiveness nor even pleasure to see me again. There was nothing, At least until he kneeled down so that he was on eye level with me. I made every effort to put all my anger into my gaze when I just kept looking at him, but in his healthy, green eye was something that I still knew from my childhood. Brotherly love.

"How can I make you understand me?", he asked with this husky voice and put a hand on my knee which I pulled back in an instant.  
"Not at all", I hissed and shortly my gaze flitted to Emily, who was still sitting in her corner, but now crying loudly. Ray followed my gaze.  
"I didn´t want to scare her", he said quietly. What had he expected? He had just sneaked into our house, had dragged me into the kitchen by force and that wasn´t supposed to scare a little girl?  
When I wanted to stand up to go to Emily, Ray grabbed me by my shoulders and stopped me.  
"Let me go to my daughter at least", I snapped at him and after a short time for consideration, he did but pushed himself to the door on purpose, to take every possibility to escape from me. But I wasn´t thinking about escaping anyway. The only thing I wanted in this moment was to take my child into my arms and to ensure it somehow that it didn´t need to be afraid. Furthermore I hoped that Noir´s barking, which was still sounding from outside, would eventually alarm someone. It sounded weak but was still audible.  
So I took every time in the world as I lifted Emily on my arms and went back and forth through the kitchen with lightly swaying steps. In doing so, I searched for something I could use as a weapon at the next opportunity. A pan alone would probably be the best choice, if I could manage it to hit on target with it. But I didn´t know which weapons Ray was probably wearing under his cape and I didn´t want to endanger Emily unnecessarily. Shortly my gaze flitted to Ray who was standing by the door with crossed arms and glanced at the front- as well as at the back door from time to time. He was nervous.  
"It takes too long", he murmured and looked at me. Our gazes met. "I want you two to come with me. Now"  
I laughed bitterly in the face of his natural tone. Maybe Connor was allowed to talk to me like that when he was ordering me to wait somewhere, but certainly not Ray.  
"What makes you think I would come with you?", I asked sneeringly and Ray shortly knitted his eyebrows angrily.  
"You´re going to be better. You´re only exposed to danger and bad influences here. Furthermore we are a family after all and..."  
"First of all, we are no family anymore and second you are the only danger here", I interrupted him harshly and was surprised about the resoluteness in my voice myself. Even though deep inside of me, I was still afraid of Ray. The day when he had held Emily out of the window had showed me what he was capable of, despite his alleged love for his family.  
Ray stared at me full of disbelief. Did he still think that he could convince me to come with him willingly?  
"What about your mother?", I asked. "Didn´t you bring her to Savannah? Isn´t it enough that you two are a family again?"  
Ray pressed his lips together and slowly shook his head. "She´s dead", he said, so quietly that I could hardly understand him. The pain in his eyes was real and I gulped. For a short moment it was as if all my anger vanished and I had the need to embrace him. But I didn´t. Silently I stayed where I was and held Emily close to me. Luckily she had calmed down again. That Noir´s barking had subsided like Emilys crying wasn't that lucky.

Ray raised his eyes again and I shrank back when he approached me with large steps and put a hand on my shoulder. His gaze was begging. "Please, Lilly. You are my sister. You are the last family I have, as well as the little one. I promise, I will care for you. Better than Connor ever could. I already prepared everything, you won´t be wanting for anything. You will have beautiful dresses and jewellery and you will never have to work in a household again. Everything will be like you used to know it."  
The more he spoke, the more enthusiastic he became about his own words, but I could only frown. How could he believe that all of this would convince me? It almost sounded as if I had every reason to be unhappy about my life. So unhappy to escape from it.  
"Like I used to know it? You mean a life in silk and brocade? With much jewellery, done hair and comfort because everything is carried after you?" It was a sceptical question but it seemed like Ray wasn´t able to interpret this undertone. His smile widened when he nodded.  
"Yes", he said, almost exited. "Everything you had to give up for Connor."  
"But all of this belongs to everything we hated when we were children. Strict rules, loads of prohibitions...you always said that you didn´t want this for me anymore."  
"But now you´re adult. Now nobody can force you into a single direction and you already shook all of this off long since. But this..." He lifted his arms as if he wanted to include our whole environment in his words. "...isn´t a life for you. You´re not made for breaking your back during the housework and cooking for your husband." His gate flitted to the cut vegetables on the table. "This life doesn´t suit you and I will give back to you what you had to give up."  
I shook my head resolutely. "I didn´t have to give up anything. I wanted to and I´m glad that I did it. I´m happy with my life how it is now and I don´t need any expensive robes or jewellery, neither I need any servants. Everything I really need is this house and the people living inside of it. You can´t give this to me, not matter how convinced you are. I don´t want to come with you and I won´t."  
I had said all of this in a surprisingly calm tone. I only wanted him to understand at last, although I actually knew that he was never going to understand. Now Ray´s expression was incredibly sad again and like before, when he had told me about his mother´s death, all my anger and hatred I had built up over the last months, began to sway.  
"So I´m all the same to you?", he asked and I shook my head. I didn´t have to think long about it. No matter what had happened, he wasn´t all the same to me. If that would be the case, I hadn´t suffered so much during the last months.  
"You´re not all the same to me", I said quietly. "But if you want it or not: By now there are people in my life who are more important to me and you don´t belong to them. I can´t understand what you did and I can´t understand your ideals. We have shared the same thoughts as children, but now..." I shook my head and honest regret was in my voice. "We developed into different directions. We´re not who we used to be and we will never be the same brother and sister again. Too much has happened."  
I found it right to say all this. I wanted him to understand me at last and let me be. If he really loved me, he had to do this. He had to wish me to be happy. But the only thing Ray was showing me now was anger.  
"He made you think all of this", he growled and I didn´t even have the chance to contradict. He clenched his fist and struck against the wall, close to my head. The hanging utensils there clattered and one of the pans fell loudly to the floor. I stayed like I was frozen while Emily started to cry again. I felt Ray´s heavy breath on my face as he bent to me in a threatening manner and I had no chance to evade him.  
"You will come with me. No matter what I have to do for it."  
"So you can kill me then because I won´t come with you willingly and I will never stay with you willingly."  
My voice was entirely calm and I kept looking at him, while the anger shortly vanished from his face and made room for pure sadness again. I could only hear the crackling of the wood billets behind me and Emily´s quiet crying by my shoulder. But I actually hoped that someone would come through the door to help us because I didn't know anymore what to say or how I should defence myself against Ray, without endangering Emily.  
"I don´t want to hurt you", Ray said again and his gaze told me that he was serious about these words. But it seemed like it wasn´t clear to him that it was already too late for that. He had hurt me long ago. Several times.  
"You held my child out of the open window and enjoyed it. Several times you threatened me and the people I love. Not least you killed my parents. Maybe you never wanted to hurt me physically, but you already hurt me inwardly."  
"That´s...not true", Ray uttered and struck against the wall again so that a quiet rattling sounded. On his face, anger took turns with sadness. It seemed like he didn´t know how to continue either.  
"I only held the little one out of the window because Connor would have attacked me otherwise. But I never would have...do you really think I would have dropped her?" He laughed nervously and ran his hand through his barely existing hair. "These people you love so much are not good for you. They are harming you and I want to save you from it. You will see it one day and your parents..." He paused and licked his chapped lips, noticeably struggling for words. "It was...an accident. I didn´t want it to come so far, but father...you certainly read my letters. The letters Connor took from my house."  
I shook my head. When Connor had brought me this stack of letters, I had directly put it into a drawer and hadn´t opened it since then. I hadn´t wanted to know what Ray had to tell me and even if he had explained in the letters, why he had killed my parents, I wanted to hear it from himself.

I just wanted to ask him to explain everything, but it didn´t come so far. We both froze when we heard how the front door fell shut.  
"Lillian? Are you alright? Are you here?"  
It was Caleb! An ice-cold shiver ran down my spine when I saw how Ray´s expression changed again. There he was again. This reckless man, who was already planning the next atrocity. I wasn´t able to utter a sound, while I saw from the corner of my eye, how Caleb entered the adjacent dining room. He had his bow in his hand and put an arrow to the string amazingly quickly, when he saw Ray and me.  
"Go away from her", he barked at Ray with a firm voice. But he wasn´t impressed by it. A sneering grin spread on his face while he looked at Caleb. I didn´t notice how he grabbed past me into the still glowing coals, without batting an eye.  
"Of course. My apologies. I will let her be in an instant", he said with this grin on his lips and he really stepped away from me.  
He had clenched his fists, lifted them over his head and walked relaxed to the kitchen door. I didn´t like his behaviour at all and nervously I looked at Caleb who was still holding his bow and didn´t seem to be sure where to aim at, as Ray disappeared out of the kitchen and with that, out of his field of vision. But his steps were clearly audible in the hallway and so Caleb trained the weapon at the door to the dining room.  
"I will shoot", he threatened and pulled the string entirely back when Ray appeared in the door, his hands still over his head.  
"Of course you will. Unless I pre-empt you."  
Caleb was too much distracted from looking the unarmed man over in confusion so that he wasn´t able to react anymore.  
One of Ray´s arms shot forward and threw a hand full of blaze into Caleb´s face. The boy screamed in pain and dropped the bow when he pressed both hands on his face. Immediately I stormed into the dining room, sat Emily down next to the door half running, but stopped in front of Ray, when he leaned over the kneeling Caleb, a knife in one hand, the other hand stretched out to me to warn me. It was red from the burn he had just caused himself, but it seemed like he didn´t feel it.  
"No matter what I have to do, you will come with me", he growled and pulled Caleb´s head back by his hair so that he could lay the knife at the boy´s throat. Now I could see the reddish burn blisters on his face and neck. The remaining ash was smouldering on the floor and would certainly leave burns as well, but they were easier to accept than Caleb´s agony. I didn´t know where to look at. At the boy or at the man who was looking at him with this disgusting, triumphant grin.  
"Either you come with me now, or the boy gets a wonderful red line along his neck beside the nice blisters. From ear..." He tapped the blade against Caleb´s right ear lobe. "...to ear." Now it was the left one.  
I felt panic spreading inside of me. Ray wouldn´t hesitate to kill Caleb. Unless I did what he wanted.  
"Well then", I croaked. "I will come with you. But please let the boy be."  
Ray grinned and let Caleb go, who sank down, crying quietly. His tormentor seemed to think he had achieved his goal. He stood up and turned the blade in his hand so that it flashed up shortly. When he looked at me, he paused.  
"What is it?", he asked tensed and hectically turned to the window I had stared at. A mistake.  
I leaped forward and picked the bow up from the floor. When Ray turned around to me, I struck the wooden weapon against his head. I didn´t know where this impulse came from. I acted almost instinctively, like I had done when Caleb had been threatened by Ray´s men in the hallway. And I acted because I was furious.

When Ray was kneeling on the floor groaning, I grabbed one of the tufts of hair on his head and pulled at it, until his throat was exposed to me. Now I had the knife in my hand and now he was the one, who was feeling the iron blade on his neck. His unharmed eye widened and he froze, while I kept looking at him.  
"From ear to ear?", I hissed. "I told you that I will never come with you and I will tell you something else: I don´t let you harm somebody of my family. I don´t let you keep threatening them. It is over now."  
I pressed the sharp side of the blade against the thin skin of his throat. Ray winced when it cut him there and a fine trickle of blood dripped onto the steel.  
"So kill me then", Ray said with a husky voice and suddenly there was something like peace in his eyes and a faint smile on his lips. "So kill me, Lilly. Otherwise you won´t get rid of me."  
I could do it. Only one movement of the hand. From the right to the left. It was easy and everything would be over. I wouldn´t have to be afraid that he could harm my family and I would have revenged my parent´s death and Caleb´s injuries.  
I felt how my hand began to shake and my gaze flitted back and forth between Ray´s eye and the blade on his neck.  
"Do it", he whispered and I nervously licked my lips. It was so easy. So terribly easy. Only one movement.  
"No." I said this word so quietly that I hardly understood it myself, while I shakily lowered the knife. Inwardly I was still tempted to do it. To cut Ray´s throat, but this partly conscious, partly unconscious decision had already been made and had consequences. I had barely lowered the knife, when everything happened at once. Ray grabbed me by my shoulders and pushed me back so that I landed on my back, but whatever he wanted to do after that, he wasn´t able to. The front door flew open and suddenly Olivia was standing in the dining room. They stared at each other for a moment until Ray took to his heals. He ran into the kitchen, to the back door and outside. As if she was rooted to the spot, Olivia stayed where she was and looked from Caleb back to me.  
"Follow him!", I uttered and she did.


	41. Chapter 41

**Eliminating disagreements**

 _ **Connor**_

It had already got dark in Davenport when Connor approached the manor. Despite the late hour, the basement was still illuminated and inwardly he already prepared for standing in front of a reproachful Lillian soon. Actually he had wanted to be back long since, but he had been kept back in the frontier from time to time. Often because of himself. He enjoyed the time he spent in the forests and when he wasn´t seriously occupied, he sometimes forgot the time and so it had been the same today, too. Normally he didn´t find it wrong and didn´t regret it, but today Connor was really sorry. It was Lillian´s birthday and as always for such occasions, she had certainly invested much time and effort in the dinner. It was the only special thing on such days, because they never celebrated. The custom of birthdays was foreign to Connor, he couldn´t even determine his own. But he found that it was a wonderful thought to think of the day someone was born and to honour them. Especially when it was about people who were enriching his own life. Caleb was his protégé and the first person he could pass on his knowledge to. Connor loved to think of the day of Emily´s birth anyway and if Lillian hadn´t been born, she wouldn´t have stepped into his life and given him his daughter. He didn´t need a special day in the year to honour her, but still it would have been important to him to attend to dinner today and this time he could understand if Lillian was reproaching him for his absence.

But when Connor entered the house, there was the biting smell of burned flesh tickling his nose at first. Had Lillian scorched the food? He smirked. She really was still a bit clumsy in some things in the household. But when he took a few steps into the hallway and passed the dining room, Connor paused. There on the floor kneeled Lillian, her back turned to him, a water bucket next to her and scrubbing the wooden floorboards with a brush like mad. Some spots next to her were glistening of wetness already, as if she had already cleaned them, too. Connor slowly took a step closer because he didn´t know if she had noticed his entrance and cleared his throat. Lillian stopped and looked over her shoulder, before she turned her head away again to straighten up her torso and to throw the brush into the water bucket with a loud splash. Although he had only got a short glance on her face, Connor had seen that Lillian was crying. He doubted that he was the reason for it and an unpleasant feeling spread inside of him.  
"What happened?", he asked, stepped even closer to her and finally kneeled down next to her on the floor. Lillian´s lips were tightly pressed together and she was sitting there as stiff as a poker, while silent tears were running down her pale cheeks. Now Connor also saw the black spots on the wooden floor which Lillian had tried to remove. They looked like burn marks.  
"Ray was here", she whispered and confirmed all the dark premonitions Connor had for months now. Lillian´s brother came here to kidnap her and Emily while he wasn´t home. He should have known that they had been too careless over the last weeks.  
"What has he done?", he asked tensely and let his gaze roam over her body, searching for the smallest signs of injuries. But it seemed like Lillian was unharmed, but she didn´t look at him for a second. With a shaky voice she began to tell him what had happened during his absence, but stopped, after she had told him how her brother had attacked Caleb with glowing ash and threatened him with a knife so that Lillian came with him. How she had outwitted him, knocked him down and threatened him with a knife on her own. It had been brave of her and she had protected Caleb with it, but obviously Lillian herself wasn´t convinced that she had done the right thing. She hadn´t told him yet, how the confrontation had ended.  
"It is my fault that he got away", she finally said quietly. "I had the knife at his neck and he said that I could only get rid of him when I kill him. I had the chance, but...I did nothing."  
She said it like a child that had to confess misconduct to an adult. She had lowered her head and her shoulders had slumped forward. It looked like she was actually expecting Connor to be angry with her. He also saw it in her eyes, when she finally looked at him. Her gaze was apologizing.  
"I could have ended it. I could have banished him from our life at last and we wouldn´t need to worry about him anymore. But I hesitated and now he could run away again and we lost him."  
"That is nonsense. You are neither to blame for what happened, nor for what will happen."  
When Lillian lightly shook her head about his words, Connor put his free hand under her chin and made her look at him. He felt how she winced when she noticed his serious gaze.  
"I cannot and I will not reproach you for not being able to kill your own brother. I do understand it."  
Basically he was glad that she hadn´t done it. Of course she would have made sure that Ray wasn´t a threat anymore, but as far as Connor knew her, Lillian would have reproached herself even more than she did now. She just wasn´t made for ending a human life and nothing was wrong about that.

But although he had hoped to calm Lillian with his voice, she still appeared tensed and nervous. Her gaze moved from him, back to the burn mark on the floor. They must come from Ray´s devious attack on Caleb.  
"How is the boy?", Connor asked quietly.  
"He has burns on his face and neck. Dr. White wants to keep him for the night, if the pain should become worse." Lillian´s voice trembled and Connor already expected her to burst into tears again. He grabbed her hand and gently pulled her with him when he stood up.  
"You should go to bed. You are exhausted", he said, but when he wanted to lead her into the hallway, Lillian vigorously shook her head.  
"I can´t sleep now. I still have to clean up. The stains need to be removed and the vegetables I wanted to cook are still in the kitchen and I have to dispose the burnt roast, too."  
Her gaze had nervously moved through the dining room and to the kitchen, but Connor wrapped an arm around her waist and pushed her towards the hallway.  
"That has time until tomorrow", he tried to calm her and he was relieved when she finally let him lead her to the staircase without resistance. They just wanted to go upstairs when the front door opened and Connor had pushed himself in front of Lillian in an instant and had pulled out his tomahawk. He had thought that Jarvis had returned for some reason, but the assassin was surprised when he saw the face of Olivia. Her gaze moved back and forth between him and his weapon, which he pushed back into the belt on his hips.  
"How is Noir?" It was Lillian, who talked to Olivia. So had the woman been here before?  
"Quite good. I´ve stitched the wound, nothing is broken. She is dazed, but I think la belleza negra will be fine again."  
"Good." Lillian looked at Connor and made a vague gesture towards Olivia. "She appeared when Ray was here. He fled in an instant and she ran after him."  
"And where is he?", Connor asked immediately but Olivia shook her head.  
"Lost him in the forest", she murmured and her gaze shortly flitted to Lillian, who was still standing on the staircase behind Connor. "Ratonhnhaké:ton, could I talk to you? Alone?"  
Connor frowned. He hated such beginnings of conversations, because they often didn´t mean something good. But still he looked over his shoulder to Lillian, who had pursed her lips and had knitted her eyebrows. Obviously she didn´t like Olivia´s request either.  
"Go upstairs. I will come right after you."  
Lillian gave him a long look, before she nodded silently and not very enthusiastically and disappeared upstairs. Connor waited until he heard the door to the bedroom close behind her, before he stepped to Olivia and looked at her expectantly and without saying a word. For the first time since he knew her, the young woman appeared to be troubled and nervous and in turn, it didn´t made him become relaxed either. When he almost thought he had to ask her to speak, Olivia did it hesitantly and almost sheepishly.  
"I told Lillian that I lost Ray in the forest, so that she isn´t even more worried." Connor raised an eyebrow, but Olivia kept talking. "I almost got him. He stopped all of the sudden, but when he called out to me that I should tell you something, I thought it would be better if you take care of him."  
Connor snorted irritated. He had grown tired of Jarvis' games long since and Olivia should have put an end to it while she´d had the chance. She must wish Jarvis' death, too after all, after he had almost killed her. No matter what he wanted to tell him, Connor could go without it.  
"So what are you supposed to tell me?", he asked nevertheless, but with a reproachful expression. Olivia hesitated for a moment.  
"That...well...he said I should tell you that he´s waiting for you in the mine near the homestead´s borders. He wants you to come by dawn so that you can finally...get rid of your...disagreements."  
Connor´s eyes narrowed. This request could only be a trap and furthermore he didn´t like the thought that it obviously had been so easy for Olivia to forget her thoughts of revenge. Right now she didn´t appeare like the tough woman he had met.  
"Why did you think that it would be better when I take care of him?", Connor asked and as if it was a confirmation of his distrust, Olivia became nervous again.  
"I...let´s say I have...some personal inhibitions. But you will do it and I want Ray to disappear. Forever. If you want me to, I will come with you. As support."  
"It was certainly a trick of Jarvis so that we do not get him. While I go to the mine, he will flee."  
This time Olivia shook her head vigorously. "Ray is a devious bastard, but he´s keeping his word. It´s a matter of honour for him."  
There was a break while Connor scrutinized Olivia. He wasn´t sure if he could trust her. Maybe she had always been honest in the past, but that she was hiding something about Jarvis was obvious. But although she was nervous, she still had appeared honest when she had told him about Ray´s message. Maybe she had no bad ulterior motives but Connor didn´t doubt that Jarvis had no reason to ask him to come to the mine. He wouldn´t want to hold a polite conversation and Connor was sure that some sort of trap was expecting him. But he had to dare it. It was clutching at any straw, but what had he left, when he had no other trace to Lillian´s brother?  
"Well then", Connor murmured and looked at Olivia. "Where do you want to go now?"  
"To the inn. I have a room there", was the answer which only made Connor nod. He waited until Olivia had left before he went upstairs. Actually he just wanted to look after Lillian, before he went to the mine. He didn´t want to give Ray the triumph of being able to ask him around like he wanted to, but he didn´t want Lillian to stay behind clueless about his whereabouts either.

He recognized her silhouette when he entered the bedroom, sitting upright in the bed and obviously tugging at the blanket she had wrapped around her legs. When Connor closed the door behind himself, she paused in her action and asked so quietly that he almost didn´t understand it: "Will you go?"  
He didn´t need to ask what she was talking about. She had listened to Olivia and him and probably he should have expected it. But he didn´t want to reproach her for it.  
"I have to. Maybe I only have this chance. But I will not wait until morning but will go now." Connor went around the bed to her side and sat down on the edge. Inwardly he was already preparing the right words to calm Lillian when she spoke out against his plan. But the contradiction didn´t come. Instead, Lillian got on her knees, moved closer to Connor and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her open curls tickled his cheek when she buried her face in his shoulder and he felt her still tear stained cheeks on his neck. But she wasn´t crying anymore.  
"Please be careful", she whispered. "It´s enough that someone was hurt today. Ray is capable of everything and I don´t want him to take you away from me like he did with my parents."  
Connor already knew that this was her greatest fear. She was more afraid of what her brother could do to him, Caleb or Emily than of what he could do to her. Because basically she didn´t need to be afraid of him. But Connor doubted that Jarvis would keep his word not to hurt her physically in the long run. A reason more for the assassin, to eliminate him as soon as possible because he didn´t want to lose her either.  
"It will be over", Connor said quietly and wrapped his arms around Lillian to pull her against him. He just held her while she clung to him, as if she never wanted to let go of him. But when Connor finally pulled away from the embrace, she didn´t contradict. She just put her hands tenderly on his cheeks when he kissed her forehead and allowed him to stand up and leave.

The iron mine was on the outskirts of the homestead, close to the bank of one of the river´s branches. It was in the forest but they had created a clearing around it to ease the transportation of the ores. Until now Norris had been the only one working here and Connor was glad that he was in Boston with his family for businesses. So he wouldn´t appear here all of the sudden and probably get in danger, although it was deep in the night right now. Connor had approached the clearing through the branches of the trees and was now sitting in a crutch, his eyes checking the clearing and the mine´s entrance. The sky was entirely clouded and only sometimes, the cold moonlight managed it to make its way through the small gaps between the clouds. Most of the time it was dark and Connor had to rely on his own sharpened sense of vision while he made a plan of how he could enter the mine. From his position he could see the contours of the entrance and the path to it was without any covering. So Jarvis could already see him before he had even reached the mine. As far as he knew it, it didn´t have another entrance. So he only had this way left.  
Connor jumped off the tree, landed on the soft forest ground with a muffled noise and directly hid in the thicket. The wall of bushes and long grass led along the clearing and ended close to the water. At first he circled the clearing and left the thicket when he couldn´t be seen from the mine anymore. As quickly and silently as possible, Connor waded through the knee-deep water of the tributary, before he hurried to the rock face the mine had been hit in. He had no places to hide anymore until he reached the mine, but the darkness was useful for him. Slowly he sneaked along the rock face, closer to the entrance. The chance that Jarvis had noticed him yet was small, but it was there and so Connor had to stay careful because he hadn´t seen his enemy either until now. It was still possible that Jarvis wasn´t here and still Connor stopped close to the entrance, pressed himself against the cold rock and took one of the smoke bombs and the tinderbox out of their pouch. Skilled he ignited the fuse and threw the bomb into the tunnel. He could hear its muffled impact and the likewise muffled explosion, together with the familiar hissing of the smoke flowing out of the case. That was the moment for Connor to pull away from the rock and storm into the mine, the tomahawk firmly in his hand, the hidden blade slid out and ready to fight.

The assassin ran through the smoke that was protecting him from being attacked and also was giving him the chance to check the environment for his opponent. With the eagle vision he tried to detect Jarvis' aura in the darkness, but everything stayed black. He could neither hear a coughing or another sound that was telling him that Jarvis had been surprised by the bomb. When the smoke had already vanished, Connor was still standing in middle of the tunnel and listened into the darkness. In his thoughts he went through what he knew about the mine. The only tunnel was two or three metres wide and four metres high. It led hundreds of metres into the rock but had no branches and went straight forward. Somehow it was an advantage because there were no places to hide for Jarvis. But Connor´s advantage could be his enemy´s advantage, too. His weapons still ready, Connor sneaked with agilely steps through the tunnel, his ears pricked and searching for movements in the darkness. Through the eagle vision, everything seemed to be much darker than it really was. But if Jarvis was here, his aura would shine like a torch and would reveal him without him even noticing it. Every fibre in Connor´s body was tensed and still the assassin and warrior was entirely calm. He was focused on this situation with the aim to find Jarvis and to eliminate him. He wouldn´t leave this mine until this had either happened or he could tell without doubt that Jarvis wasn´t here. Step by step Connor made his way through the tunnel, deeper and deeper into the darkness that wasn´t enlightened by torches anywhere. He could take it as a clue for Jarvis' absence, but he didn´t and he really didn´t want to rely on it. And he was right to do so.

When the tunnel turned lightly, Connor saw it. A blazing red light, only a few metres away. He recognized Jarvis' cape and face. He was tensed because unlike Connor, Jarvis had no clue where his enemy was. He only had his hearing and the small explosion by the entrance surely hadn´t escaped his notice. A bitter smile appeared on Connor´s lips. That wouldn´t help Jarvis now. It would be over for him before he would even know what was happening. Slowly Connor sneaked to Jarvis, but he didn´t come far when he heard a hiss and light flared up next to Jarvis. Now the environment through the eagle vision looked strangely distorted and Connor blinked to see normally again. Jarvis, who was holding a torch in his hand, froze when he noticed him. He appeared to be seriously appalled, but this expression made room for a cold smile.  
"You´re here already. How rude, I wasn´t prepared yet. Furthermore it´s quite dark in here, don´t you think? We can hardly see each other while talking." A rustling sounded and in a rather knee-jerk reaction, Connor caught the torch Jarvis had thrown to him. He hung his own into a mounting in the tunnel´s wall and looked at Connor expectantly.  
"Come on, ignite it. One isn´t enough."  
Connor frowned irritated. He had wanted to avoid such games, but if this "conversation" was supposed to end in a fight, he wanted to risk it. He turned the torch in his hand and finally ignited it, as he found it not to be manipulated. With the shining torch in his hand, he went to the wall and put it into another mounting. Then he turned around to Jarvis, whose disfigured face twisted into a smug smile.  
"I´m glad that you followed my invitation. It´s time to eliminate our disagreements, don´t you think?"  
"When you are talking about yourself, you are right", Connor replied coldly and earned a mocking laugh.  
"So primitive. Like I have expected it. You´re the typical patriot. Opening your fat mouth and waving around with your blade without taking care of the people who are dying of your steel. I know exactly why I want to erase you from Lillian´s life."  
"In this case, we have something in common." Connor straightened up to his full size, when he met Jarvis' angry gaze after these words. He recognized this insane sparkle in the unharmed eye which had been there already, before Jarvis had lost his temper. Before he had held Emily out of the window and had provoked Connor like that. This memory alone was stoking Connor´s own anger and he met this gaze unmoved. Jarvis growled and slowly pulled a short sword with a broad blade out of its sheath. A dagger found its way into his other hand. Connor let the hidden blade slide out, too, additionally to the tomahawk. Both men kept looking in one another´s eyes.  
"I´m not here to talk to you because you stupid idiots are not able to hold conversations." Jarvis prepared himself for an attack and lifted his weapons. "I´m only here to kill you at last, so that my little sister sees that I was right about everything."  
With these words, Jarvis crossed the few metres between them and cold steel met cold steel.

The clangour echoed from the walls a hundred times, while Connor and Jarvis exchanged blow after blow. They tried to hit the other with their blades, but over and over again they blocked and attacked each other. Soon they had to realize that they were each other´s equal.  
"Are you doing this for your hurt redcoat-pride or are you really doing it for Lillian?", Connor asked when their blades were wedged together and they stood in front of each other, the tips of their noses almost touching and their faces twisted in exertion.  
"Both", Jarvis answered growling. "My plans may have failed at the moment, but I won´t give up and one day, this nation will be ruled by King George again, like it should be. _That´s_ a flourishing future, not what you´re patriot friends are planning. Everyone will be better under England´s government and so will Lillian. About her..." Jarvis pushed Connor away and their weapons separated under a loud scraping sound. "I will not watch you corrupting her with your thoughts. I can´t recognize her already. Lillian is insecure and easy to confuse. She needs someone who´s giving her strength and no one who´s putting wrong ideas into her head."  
A bitter smile appeared on Connor´s face while he blocked another strike from Jarvis' sword with his tomahawk and turned it to the tunnel wall. "I fear you do not know Lillian", he said likewise bitterly. "She changed in all these years in which you haven´t seen each other. But not because I have influenced her. She did it on her own and is not the insecure, manipulable person anymore, you are describing. For a long time already."  
Connor grabbed Jarvis' arm in whose hand he was holding the dagger and struck it against the rock wall behind his opponent. The hand opened and the weapon dropped to the ground. Jarvis' got his revenge through a hit with his elbow against Connor´s temple, which made him stumble backwards, but Connor could strike with his own blade and felt how he hit Jarvis' side.

They stood by each wall of the cramped room and seemed to mobilize their strength. They were breathing heavily but they hadn´t lost their will to fight.  
"You know nothing", Jarvis uttered between clenched teeth while he pressed a hand on his bleeding side, where Connor´s blade had grazed him. "You and your patriot friends are masters in turning everything to your liking. You are good in excusing and wriggling yourself out. But this is over now."  
Jarvis crossed the distance once again and Connor´s arm vibrated under the force of the strike which he had to block with the tomahawk. Jarvis was a good fighter. Strong, fast and skilled, totally different from the redcoats he had used to fight. It became aware to him that they had been lacking of one thing: Of true will. Jarvis wanted to kill him. He wanted to eliminate him because he had an aim and a conviction, not an order. He believed Connor to be evil, almost like Connor believed him to be and they both would fight until the end. It was an unshakable fact.  
While Connor only defended himself at first and blocked Jarvis' attacks, he tried to find a gap in the defence of his opponent. If they should meet directly once again, Connor could probably use his hidden blade. He only needed the right opportunity. Connor began to attack him. He let a wave of strikes pouring down on Jarvis, who always blocked him. But at least he had to withdraw to the wall and finally Connor had him where he wanted him to be. With the tomahawk he reined in Jarvis' sword arm while his arm with the blade shot forward. But obviously his opponent had expected it. Jarvis' hand grabbed Connor´s wrist and held it back with all force.  
"Do you think I didn´t notice your intention?", Jarvis asked while Connor tried to fight against his grip. Under strained growling and panting the two men fought out this combat of pure strength until something happened that made Connor pause in confusion.  
Jarvis' grip around his wrist became almost painfully firm, but at the same time, the rest of his opponent´s body became limp. Connor raised his eyes and looked into an entirely absent-minded face. The mouth was slightly open, the healthy eye widened, as if he had seen something frightening in the darkness behind Connor. Suddenly the eye rolled up, so that Connor could only see the white in it. A tremble ran through Jarvis' body before he slowly began to speak in a strangely sonorous voice.  
 _"Guardian, walk through the gate. Follow corridor after corridor, will get lost in this place. But brave guardian be assured, it´s always right to choose the path of death."_

Connor stared at Jarvis dumbfounded and his gaze moved to his chest, where a blue light was shining through the shirt. Connor just wanted to reach out his hand for it, when Jarvis returned into consciousness all of the sudden. As if nothing had happened, he pushed the assassin away, who was still so distracted that he stumbled backwards until he felt the rock wall in his back. But still he couldn´t do anything else but to stare at Jarvis. He was totally normal again, even though a malicious grin appeared on his face.  
"It seemed like someone didn´t pay attention, doesn´t it?", he asked, pulled out his pistol and grinned at Connor again. But the barrel of his weapon wasn´t trained at Connor but at a spot a few metres next to him. A burning torch, hanging over two powder barrels beside one of the mine props, which was supposed to support the tunnel.  
"Thank you so much for this settling conversation. But I think, I have enough of you now. I´ve prepared something nice for you", Jarvis said smugly and shot. Right before the shot, Connor had jumped to the side but he could feel the short heat, coming from the barrels when the torch fell down on them and made their content explode. Connor could only see a thick cloud of smoke at first, but when it vanished and the echo of the explosion had subsided, too, Connor heard the creaking sounds over and next to him. The explosion had damaged the mine prop and a part of the wall. The wood gave in under a loud crack. Connor jumped forward in the last moment, when a part of the tunnel already collapsed behind him. He had to get out of here, before further parts collapsed or even more barrels exploded. The assassin ran, but didn´t come far. From the corner of his eye, he saw how another mine prop gave in and fell into his path. Connor couldn´t head back and neither he had enough time to duck under the mine prop. He caught it in a knee-jerk reaction, braced himself against it with his whole strength and Connor felt a pain flashing through his side, while the rocks were pushing against him from above. He felt like he had to support the whole mountain over him. Staring straight forward he saw that small stones were trickling down on the path to the entrance, too. But the entrance itself was still clear. Connor just wanted to push the mine prop away from himself with his last strength to dive under it, when Jarvis appeared in front of him. He appeared to be relaxed in the face of the collapsing tunnel around him.  
"Does it get heavy?", he asked sneeringly and lightly pressed the tip of his sword against Connor´s chest to prevent him from withdrawing. "Fascinating how much strength a man can mobilize when he´s just trying to not get crushed."  
"You will be buried as well if you keep staying here", Connor uttered while he felt how his arms got tired. Jarvis laughed spitefully.  
"Not if I bid farewell now", he said, but suddenly his eye widened when he looked past Connor into the tunnel. Connor could hear a hiss which he had only heard before when Norris had ignited a line of black powder to do a detonation from the distance. Hadn´t Jarvis planned his trap carefully enough?  
Connor had just got to this thought, when another powder barrel exploded behind him and destroyed another mine prop. A strange noise shot past Connor´s ear, connected with a sharp pain in his left shoulder. But his attention was aimed at Jarvis, who had lowered his sword and stared at the arm-long wooden splint in his chest with an almost dumbfounded expression. He stumbled several steps backwards before he collapsed. Connor saw his chance to escape, but the rocks around him finally gave in and it became dark around him.


	42. Chapter 42

_**Reviews:**_

 **To EllieIsOdd:** _Thank you so much. :) I´m really glad that you like the story and my translation and it´s always a huge compliment for me when someone likes Lillian as Connor´s wife. I know that she sometimes is a quite difficult character and maybe not what many people consider as a partner for an assassin. But it´s relieving to read that she´s still appreciated.  
_

* * *

 **It will be over**

 _ **Lillian**_

It was taking too long. Uneasily I was sitting in bed and watched the sky in front of the window becoming brighter while the new day was breaking. After Connor had left, I hadn´t been able to sleep. I often had been tempted to follow him, but every time I had dismissed the thought again. But why wasn´t he back already? His leaving was hours ago and the mine wasn´t so far away that you had to walk for hours. If Connor hadn´t met Ray there, he certainly would have come back directly, so why wasn´t he back already? Something must have happened and this thought made my fear for Connor lacing up my throat and eventually I just couldn´t stay in bed and wait anymore. I stood up, got dressed in shirt, waistcoat and trousers and finally stood insecure in front of the commode where I had put the case with the pistol on. Should I take it with me? I opened the lid of the case and grabbed the weapon after some hesitation. Maybe I could use it. I loaded it and then had the problem that I didn´t own a holster for it yet. I had to ask Ellen for one, but for now it had to be enough to push the pistol into my belt. I also attached the pouches with ammunition and powder on it. Then I stepped to Emily´s cradle where my little girl was still sleeping peacefully, sucking on her fist. I detested the thought of leaving her alone, but I had the feeling that I had no other choice at the moment. There was no one who could take care of her and to take her with me was out of the question. But it was very early in the morning and I hoped that she would sleep a whole while longer, before noticing my absence. I made sure that the cradle was standing securely enough, so that Emily couldn´t fall out if she woke up and moved too much. Luckily she couldn´t climb out because she even wasn´t able to stand properly yet and I just hoped that she hadn´t gained this ability overnight.  
"I´m back as soon as I can", I whispered to her, shortly stroked over her cheek and left the room with a heavy heart.

When I stepped out of the house, the sun still hadn´t entirely risen yet and the remains of the cold night air crept under my clothes, so that I shivered. One reason more to start moving as quickly as possible. Until now, I only had been close to the mine once and only knew vaguely where I had to go. While I did the first part of the way in quick steps, I soon started to run and hurt my own boots regularly beating at the path that was leading along the edge of the homestead. The whole time my thoughts were with Connor and while running, I tried to look for him, just in case that he had been on his way back and was now lying wounded somewhere. The thought alone, that something could have happened to him, made me run faster. When I finally reached the tributary that was passing the mine, I was entirely out of breath and had cold sweat on my forehead, which I wiped away with a movement of my hand. I let my gaze roam over the mine´s entrance and its environment, but there was nothing pointing Connor´s whereabouts out. Or Ray´s.  
It was dawn. Then time when my brother had wanted to meet my husband here and if Connor hadn´t been here until now, which I doubted, Ray would still be waiting for him. With this thought in mind, I pulled my pistol out of my belt, searched for a shallow spot in the river and crossed it with careful steps. The ice old water rushed against my thighs and I looked to the mine from time to time, to make sure that Ray hadn´t appeared by the entrance and attacked me in my quite helpless position. But I didn´t feel relief when I had crossed the river and slowly approached the entrance. I didn´t know what was awaiting me there. How big the tunnel was and how deep it was leading into the rock. But I probably had expected everything, but not what I was finally seeing.

At first there were only the many little stones covering the ground of the entrance, but the further my gaze slid into the darkness of the tunnel, the bigger the stones on the ground became, until I saw a single wall of rocks, rising inside of the tunnel, a bit away from my position. My heart was beating so fast in my chest that I almost had the feeling that it would burst, but this feeling certainly wasn´t caused by my run. Unmistakably, the tunnel had collapsed and when I dared some hesitated steps into the darkness, I smelled the scent of burnt black powder and burnt wood. The tunnel hadn´t collapsed because its props had given in all of the sudden. There must have been an explosion and I immediately got the thought that Connor maybe had been here. It was a terrible, oppressive feeling when I further approached the tunnel and the wall of rocks. I made one timid step after another, because although I wanted to know what had happened here and if Connor was here somewhere, I feared that the tunnel could probably collapse again. This fear was quickly forgotten when I saw a person on the ground. In an instant I stormed to them and a loud lamentation escaped my lips when I saw that it was Ray and I sank down on my knees next to him. He was lying on the back, his face twisted strangely and his unharmed eye opened wide, his gaze empty. A wooden splinter, with almost the length of my forearm, was stuck in his chest. A big pool of blood had formed around his body, but it seemed like he was lying here for long already. When I reached out my shaky hand for him to close his eye, his skin was cold.  
I sobbed and my hands clawed at the fabric of my pants while I tried to hold back the tears and the pain. So often I had cursed Ray over the last couple of months and had wished for his death, but I had never thought of how it would feel when he was really dead. I hadn´t expected the grief and the pain which were rolling over me like a flood wave. I had wanted to hate him and certainly had hated him, but deep inside of me, I had still loved the big brother he had used to be. Before he had become this monster I hadn´t been able to recognize. Now he had found his end and it seemed like it had come to him totally unexpected. The splinter must come from one of the mine props which were supporting the tunnel. It looked like it had been detached with great force, but certainly not by a man. It must have happened during the explosion, but if Ray was here and if he had died because of the explosion, Connor had to…

I hardly dared to finish this thought. The thought alone that Connor had found his end here in the tunnel like Ray, was more painful than the death of my brother. Trembling I stood up again and finally turned to the wall of rocks. Rocks after rocks were lying on top of each other. A huge weight that certainly could crush a man. Was Connor buried here somewhere? Or had he been able to rescue himself and was trapped behind the wall? With this small hope in my heart I stepped to the wall and put my hands on the cold stones.  
"Connor?", I called out as loud as I could, hoping that he could hear me through the stones when he was behind them. "Connor? Can you hear me?"  
For a whole while, I stood there, called for Connor over and over again, hit the handle of my pistol against the stones and listened for a sign of life. But there was none. No call. No hitting on stones. Nothing.  
"Connor!" This time it was a desperate scream while my tears were blurring my vision. He couldn´t be dead! He just couldn´t be killed by these rocks!  
In one last act of desperation, I began to remove some rocks with my bare hands. I took care not to make the wall slip away or even make the tunnel collapse further. I tried, almost to exertion, to dig my way through the wall without noticing a real progress. There were too much of them and most of them were too heavy for me. Crying quietly, I finally gave up and sank to my knees in front of this unsolvable task. While I had hold back the grief for Ray before, now I gave free rein to it. Connor was dead. Like Ray, he hadn´t survived the explosion. If he had, he would have been home already or I would have seen him on my way here. This realization hit me like a slap in the face and I crouched on the ground when I felt a painful ache in my chest. _It will be over_ , Connor had said to me before he had left. It was over. Ray was dead but with Connor´s death, his last words to me had got a terrible second meaning.  
Another lamentation, much louder and more pained than the last left my lips and I sank down entirely. I felt like I was filled by one single mental pain which would never stop again. I cried bitter tears and grieved so much for the man I had loved more than anything, that I almost overheard the quiet knock. Only when it sounded again, I paused in my grief, raised my head and listened. It was silent at first, but then it sounded again. I was on my feet in an instant and climbed on the wall until the knock sounded right beneath me.  
"Connor?" My voice was still stifled by my tears, but suddenly I was seized by a hope that made me remove the rocks underneath me as fast as I could. Bit by bit I worked myself forward, removed every rock that wasn´t too heavy for me until I saw something white in the hole.

"Connor!" Tears ran over my cheeks again, but this time they were tears of joy and relief. There, only a few metres underneath me, I could see Connor´s torso in the darkness and when he raised his head and I could look into this wonderful pair of brown eyes, every kind of pain was forgotten. Now that I had removed most of the weight over him, Connor tried to pull himself up on the rocks around him, but stopped on half of the way. The hole I had created was still too small for him to get through it.  
"Help me with this rock here", he ordered me to do with a hoarse voice and began to cough dryly shortly afterwards. His face was covered in dust, sweat and blood but despite the clearly visible laceration on his forehead, it seemed like he was reasonably in his right mind. Together we pushed the rock in his way aside and we had barely done it, when Connor heaved himself out of his stone prison. I supported him as good as I could, but as soon as he kneeled beside me, I threw myself into his arms. Connor winced and groaned quietly and pained, but he firmly wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my hair while I gave free reign to my tears again. All the pain, I had felt before when I had believed that I had lost Connor, fell from me and I didn´t care about that Connor´s clothes were as dirty as his face. I just clung to him, as if I thought that he could disappear in front of my eyes and that it came to light that he was a pure imagination. But I didn't imagine it. When I pulled away from Connor, I laid my hands on his cheeks and kissed his lips, before I looked at him.  
"Never do it again", I whispered. "Never allow me to think that you´re dead."  
My words were half serious, half jokey, but the basic massage had reached Connor.  
 _I´ve been terribly afraid for you._  
He grabbed my hands and squeezed them gently without saying a word and now I took the time to look him over. The laceration on his forehead was covered in dust but blood was still trickling out of it, as well as out of a deep wound on his left shoulder. The robe was ripped on this spot and it had got damaged in general. But it was nothing you couldn´t repair and for now, its owner was much more important anyway.  
"How are you?", I asked quietly, although I was seeing his wounds. "Are you in pain? Dizzy? Do you think you can make it home?"  
Connor shook his head at first and I didn´t know if and to which of my questions this gesture was referring.  
"I am not dizzy", he said at last. "I will make it home, do not worry."  
He let go of my hands and climbed down the rock wall, but it didn´t escape my notice that he was screwing his face up in pain.

I followed him and when I stood next to him and he leaned against the tunnel wall, breathing heavily and his hand pressed in his side, I shook my head. "Connor, you can´t…"  
I couldn´t finish my sentence because Connor had already moved on with staggering steps, only to kneel down next to Ray. A bit timid, I stopped next to him and watched how Connor looked the body in front of him over.  
"You were a victim of your own hatred", I heard him say. "Hopefully you will find your peace now."  
I gulped. I had almost expected that Connor would curse Ray for what he had done to us, but it didn´t seem like he wanted to return the like. A great gesture.  
Connor kneeled there for a moment, before he suddenly opened the buckle that was closing Ray´s cape. With wide eyes, I watched how Connor began to unbutton Ray´s shirt until his chest was bare. It was as scarred as his face.  
"What…what are you doing?", I asked dumbfounded when Connor´s hidden blade slid out. I thought he wanted to stab Ray´s body and already fell on my knees next to him to stop him, but Connor did nothing like that. He just lifted a blue gemstone, Ray was wearing on a leather band around his neck, with the blade. Frowning Connor scrutinized the gemstone before he hesitantly touched it with his finger. Whatever made him so cautious, nothing happened and so Connor took the necklace from Ray.  
"Why are you doing this?", I asked, while Connor scrutinized the stone again before he put it into his pouch.  
"I want to find out what it is", was the short answer and in the next moment, I had to concentrate on helping Connor to stand up. It was obvious that every movement was causing pain for him and I wasted no thought on the jewellery of a dead man anymore.  
"I will bring you home and then I will go and get Dr White", I said, but Connor wasn´t Connor if he wouldn´t shook his head vigorously and pull away from me to stagger to the entrance.  
"I do not need a doctor. I can treat the few wounds on my own", I heard him grumble and I uttered a snort while I followed him.  
"Don´t be such an idiot. You can´t even walk straight. What if you have broken something? You´re holding your rips after all."  
Connor´s gaze moved to the hand in his side which he lowered in an instant.  
"A bruise. Nothing more", he said, but gasped in pain shortly afterwards when I poked a finger into his side. I didn´t do it quite hard but obviously he was so in pain on this spot that a touch was enough and I instantly got a bad conscience.

The whole way home, which took third times more than my way to the mine, Connor and I were arguing about his condition. I wanted him to sit down somewhere and wait until I picked him up with the carriage. But of course he insisted on being the master over his senses and legs and being able to walk. I knew that he didn´t want to admit his weakness in front of me and I could understand it. But right now it rather made me angry, but when we had made it into our bedroom at last and after Connor had sat down on the edge of the bed with an audible sigh of relief, I at least had this pighead allowing me to go and get Dr White. Emily was still, or again, sleeping and so I quickly walked to the doctor who was surprised about my early appearance at first. But when I told him in short sentences what had happened, he instantly accompanied me back to the manor. There I let him go upstairs while I went outside once again to get water which I boiled over the hearth. Loaded with the pot and some rags, I went back into the bedroom where Dr White had helped Connor getting undressed to his pants in the meantime. So the whole extent of Connor´s injuries became visible. Under his left biceps was a deep wound with frayed edges, which looked like it had been torn into his flesh and which the doctor just freed from small wooden splinters. Connor´s torso was covered in bruises, but his right side looked worse. The skin over the lower costal arch was a single bruise and in the face of his sitting posture and how he was breathing shallowly, it seemed like he was feeling the worst pain there. But in the face of the situation in the tunnel, Connor had been very lucky.  
I put the pot with hot water next to the bed, put the rags beside Connor, who was sitting there with his head low and the eyes closed, his face twisted up in pain while Dr White was pulling splinter after splinter put of the wound. But no sound came over his lips. Only when the doctor had finished his torture, Connor relaxed again and let him also clean and bandage the wound. Then the treatment of the laceration followed, which needed to be stitched and in the end, the doctor sat down on Connor´s other side to examine the large bruise. When he palpated it, Connor uttered a suppressed growl for the first time, which actually reminded of a wounded animal and I saw how his hands clawed at the sheet underneath them. It was almost physically painful for me to see him like this.  
"I guess you broke one or two rips", Dr White said. "But it will heal as long as you go easy on yourself."  
Connor screwed up his face about these words, but didn´t say anything about it. But he watched us closely, when the doctor went to the washstand and beckoned me over. Dr White put some small pouches, jars and a note on the washstand. "This is almost everything you need to treat the wounds and I wrote down how you have to use them. You can make a paste which will support the healing of the wounds on his head and shoulder and a poultice of comfrey root for the bruise over the rips. There is also some willow bark to make a tea against the pain and to prevent inflammations. And you can put these…" He lifted one of the pouches. "into his bath water because I think a bath will do him good."  
He smirked and when I shortly looked at Connor, I could only agree. His black hair was almost grey because of the dust in it and was covered in blood and sweat. Face and neck were still dirty, too. Connor definitely needed a bath.  
"During the bath he can keep the bandage on his shoulder on, but after the bath, you should treat the bruise, it will further ease the pain. We can´t immobilise the area around his rips. But it is more important that he rests for now. No quick and exertive movements, no lifting of heavy weights. Connor needs as much rest as possible so that his rips can heal and this can take up to three weeks. I think a tea made of balm and for sleeping a tea of valerian won´t be wrong either."  
I raised an eyebrow and gave the doctor a sceptical look. He smirked again because he understood my gaze. To make Connor rest was as easy as to make a predator only eat greens for the rest of its life.  
"I can do that", I still murmured and Dr White chuckled.  
"I don´t doubt it."  
He put away his last utensils, but was hold back from Connor when he wanted to bid farewell to him. "Do you think it is possible that someone recovers the body of Lillian´s brother from the mine?", Connor asked and my heart contracted shortly. I had totally forgotten Ray and had actually left him in the mine.  
"I will ask Father Timothy to organize a funeral", I said quietly after Dr White had nodded. "Nothing special, somewhere in the forest. But I want Ray to be buried properly. So that he can find his peace at last."  
I met Connor´s serious and scrutinizing gaze and didn´t know if he could understand my sentimentality for my brother. I also didn´t know how it had come to the explosion and what had happened between them in the mine. But Connor nodded at me while Dr White also showed understanding for my words. I finally accompanied him to the front door and received the relieving message that he would sent Caleb home today. He had got through the night well and the doctor thought that his injuries had good chances to heal.

After I had closed the door behind Dr White, I went back into the bedroom, where Connor was still sitting on the bed. When I entered, he raised his head and looked me over. "How are you?", he asked without further ado and at first, I wanted to dismiss the question with a jocular "Better than you", but I knew that Connor wouldn´t like it. He was serious and so he deserved a serious answer.  
I lightly shrugged my shoulders and sat down next to him on the edge of the bed, my legs crossed and rocking my feet. "How should I feel?", I murmured. "I thought I would feel better when Ray is dead, but I don´t. It hurts." I pressed my lips together and stared at my wiggling feet while I tried to suppress this pain. I rather wanted to think of what was outweighing all this grief for Ray. I raised my eyes again and put my hand on Connor´s, that was propped up beside me on the mattress.  
"But at the same time, I´m incredibly happy that you´re sitting next to me, no matter if you´re wounded or not. When you didn´t answer my calls and I thought you were dead, it was the most terrible feeling I ever had."  
Connor had lowered his gaze on our hands and turned his palm up to grab my hand. He gently brushed his thump over its back, but it seemed like his thoughts were in the tunnel again. His expression was incredibly serious and I asked myself, what he had felt when the tunnel had collapsed over him. When he had been buried alive. Had he been afraid or had he awaited death like every other danger?  
I didn´t ask him. Instead I leaned forward and pressed a long kiss on his lips which he returned and I could feel how the tension he was radiating subsided a bit. When I pulled away from him, I snapped my finger against the braid on his temple which was covered in dirt like the rest of his hair and I grinned lightly.  
"Now I will make something to eat for you and Emily and while doing so, I will prepare water for your bath. You really need one."  
I saw reluctance in Connor´s eyes, but he wouldn´t get away with a simple washing over the washbowl.


	43. Chapter 43

**Racking one´s brains**

In the kitchen, I quickly prepared a stew with the vegetables I had wanted to cook yesterday, lentils and some dried meat and hopefully it would spare me cooking for the rest of the day. Additionally, I boiled the water for Connor´s bath. When I carried bucket after bucket out of the kitchen to fill the tub, I had laboriously dragged into a corner of the dining room by now, I had to order Connor to stay at the kitchen table several times. He wanted to help me and didn´t accept why he should rest while I was struggling with the heavy buckets alone. But at least he obeyed, although he was watching me with a grim expression, even over the edge of his bowl, which he was still emptying with great appetite. He had emptied four bowls of the stew, until I had filled the last bucket of water into the tub and put another one next to me to wash Connor´s hair with it. I put the content of the pouch, Dr White had given me for this purpose, into the water and took a deep breath of the aromatic scent that was spreading in an instant. I recognized the smell of lavender and balm and would have loved to get into the water myself. I loved such baths and I remembered what my governess had told me once. I went into the kitchen, put some milk into a pot, heated it and mixed in some honey. Babette had used to say that honey was encouraging the healing process of the skin and that milk in general was good for the skin. Furthermore: Didn´t they say that the Egyptian queen Cleopatra had only bathed in milk? They also said that she had been a beautiful woman. It could do no harm, I thought when I filled milk and honey into the water. But maybe I shouldn´t mention Cleopatra´s Beauty baths in front of Connor. Otherwise he would think that I was going to lace him up in a corset and powder his face next…

But still he needed a request until Connor rose from his seat growling, got undressed and sat into the tub. Probably he wanted to hold it back, but I clearly heard the contented sigh when he sank into the pleasantly warm and scenting water.  
"Is it good like this?", I asked, while I carefully began to undo the leather ribbon in his hair that was holding his braid together. Connor only nodded. Softly I started to disentangle his hair with my fingers as good as possible, before I used a ladle to pour water over it. I rubbed some soap between my hands and began to wash all the sticking dirt out of Connor´s hair. I spread the soap in the black strands, washed it out and eventually took a comb to undo the knots. Connor himself stayed entirely motionless during the whole process and kept his eyes on a spot on the opposite wall. It seemed like he was totally lost in his thoughts and once again I became worried about him.  
"Will you tell me what happened in the mine?", I asked and interrupted the silence that had reigned the whole time. Connor didn´t react immediately. He kept staring at the wall and I got the feeling that he hadn´t heard me. But he had. Without turning his eyes away from the wall, he began to tell me what had happened tonight. How he had found Ray in the cave, how they had started to fight and how Ray had finally caused the explosion by igniting the barrels. Ray had lured Connor into a trap and had thought that he could kill him like that. But Connor had survived and Ray had died. Died without ever seeing sense, because Connor also told me that Ray had obviously believed he could gain my favour, as soon as Connor was out of his way. It made me sad, but at the same time I didn´t dare to imagine what would have happened if Ray´s plan had become true. If Connor had died. Never I would have come to Savannah with my brother, because never I could have forgiven him. But what would have Ray done? Would he have forced me or killed me?  
Inwardly I shook my head. I didn´t want to think about it. Connor was alive and Ray was dead.  
"It is over. We should forget it", I murmured and grabbed for a rag to wash Connor´s body, too. When I ran it over his chest, Connor grabbed my hand and looked at me. "Not forget", he said seriously. "Assimilate it. You should not force yourself to forget your brother. Whatever he did, in his own kind of way he wanted to do something good to you."  
"But he didn´t do anything good to me. He always kept hurting me."  
"He was not himself anymore. I am sure he was not aware of it." Connor put a hand on my cheek and slowly moved it into my nape to pull me closer. "He and I basically wanted the same", he murmured. "We wanted to protect you."  
"A hopeless undertaking", I grumbled and made him smirk for the first time since many hours.  
"That is true. But a worthy one." Connor ran his fingertips through the hair in the back of my neck and I ignored the water drops that were running into my collar. Sighing quietly, I enjoyed this touch and the following, soft kiss on my lips.

"Now let me finish washing you", I murmured, when I reluctantly pulled away from him and leaned back again to follow my words with action. He let me do it and even closed his eyes when he began to enjoy how I was cleaning his skin with gentle movements of the rag in my hand. He relaxed noticeably and when I was done and told him to stay in the tub, he did. In the meantime, I went into the kitchen and started to prepare the willow bark- and valerian-tea, as well as the paste made of comfrey roots I was supposed to treat the bruise on Connor´s side with. I brought a steaming cup, a teapot and a bowl on a tray into the bedroom, put everything on the bedside table, took a big towel out of the cupboard and went downstairs again. There, Connor was still sitting in the tub, but had fallen asleep. His arms were resting on the edge, his head had sunk against the wooden wall and some strands of his wet hair had fallen into his face.  
Smiling to myself, I kneeled down next to the tub to dip a hand into the water. It had cooled down already, even wasn´t lukewarm anymore. Connor shouldn´t get cold beside his injuries. Gently I stroked the strands of hair out of his face and this touch alone made him open his eyes. Blinking he looked around, as if he had to orientate himself first. But when he noticed that he was still sitting in the tub, he sighed and slowly sat up.  
"I did not want to fall asleep", Connor murmured, but I just shook my head. That was what he had to do. To rest.  
I helped him standing up in which he screwed up his face in pain once again. I had never broken my ribs and in the face of this sight, I never wanted to make this experience. Connor was a person who normally wasn´t bothered by pain, but this time he couldn´t hide that every movement was hard for him. But still he insisted on drying himself on his own. He said he was no invalid after all and so I obeyed his pride and waited until he had wrapped the towel around his loins and went upstairs with me, where I gave him fresh trousers out of the cupboard in which he slipped in an instant. Then I treated the area over his broken ribs generously with the paste, wrapped a bandage around Connor´s chest and finally went to the bed, where I kneeled down on the front end and patted on the mattress to request Connor to sit down. But he didn´t pay attention to me. Connor was standing with his back to me by the chair I had put his dirty clothes at and took his coat.  
"Connor, you need to rest and go easy on yourself so that your ribs can heal", I said frowning. "Furthermore I have to wash and patch your things first."  
Connor didn´t react. He pushed his hand into the pocket of the coat and pulled out Ray´s Necklace with the stone on it, but finally came to the bed with slow steps. Through a hint with the comb in my hand, I told him to sit in front of me and he did. Connor allowed me to run the comb through his still wet hair, but I quickly got the feeling that he wasn´t mentally present anyway. His fingertips kept sliding over the stone in his hands, which didn´t appeared quite special to me. It was pretty. Completely smooth, deep blue, had almost the shape of a teardrop and was quite flat. It had a fracture on its side, as if it had broken into two pieces there. I couldn´t see any further irregularities with the naked eye, but it rather appeared like glass and not like stone. Once I had heard that some goldsmiths were using glass stones instead of real gems so that the poorer clients could keep up the appearance of being able to afford gems or to betray clueless lovers of gemstones. Maybe this was such a cheap piece of jewellery.

"What did you mean when you said you want to find out what it is?", I asked while grabbing the leather ribbon and tying the sides of Connor´s hair to his usual braid.  
"I am sure you will think I am crazy when I explain it to you", he murmured and enclosed the stone with his hand. I became more serious after these words and moved away from my position to kneel next to him and to look at Connor.  
"You shouldn´t think something like that. I´m listening to you and I will never take you not for serious. I know that you always have a good reason for the things you´re doing and I trust you. So, what did you mean?"  
Connor was silent at first and opened his hand with the stone again. It seemed like he was still searching for the right words and I gave him this time. I sat silently next to him and ran my fingertips over the blanket, until Connor inhaled audibly and began to speak.  
"During the fight, Ray became limp in my grip all of the sudden and was like paralysed at the same time. At first I thought that he had seen something in the tunnel behind us, but then I saw the white in his eye and he started to recite some words." Connor paused and lifted the stone to hold it into the light that was falling through the half closed curtains. Blue spots of light fell against Connor´s hand and danced over the blanket. "The stone shone under Ray´s shirt. On its own, I am sure of it."  
"So there was no light falling on it like now?"  
Connor shook his head and lowered the stone again. "But I could not see it clearly enough. Ray regained consciousness before."  
"Regained consciousness?" I frowned. "You mean he was unconscious? I thought he talked to you."  
"I do not know if he talked to _me_." Connor screwed up his face and raised a hand to press its heel against his temple. "It was strange. I had the feeling that Ray was in some kind of trance…" Connor stopped and shook his head. "But maybe I was mistaken and it was a trick of him."  
I looked him over in concern. He had lowered his head and had closed his eyes and appeared to be beside himself. It seemed like he was doubting his own mind.  
Slowly I sat up a bit, wrapped an arm around Connor and leaned my forehead against his temple.  
"You are exhausted", I said quietly. "You should sleep and then your thoughts will order themselves on their own. You will find an explanation for all of this, I´m sure of it."  
"Maybe you are right", Connor murmured. "I am really tired."  
I nodded, kissed his temple and stood up to give him the cup of willow bark-tea. "There´s also some valerian-tea in the pot. It will help you falling asleep", I said, while Connor slowly emptied the cup without screwing up his face.  
"Thank you", he said, when I took the cup from him again, but I just shook my head. He didn´t need to thank me. I was his wife. It was my duty and also my wish to care for him. He should recover as soon as possible and above all, he should also put the past behind himself. All the problems with Ray had been not less burdening for him than they had been for me.

Slowly, careful not to cause more pain than necessary, Connor sank on his back and spread the blanket over himself. In the meantime, I had gone to Emily to wake her up gently and to lift her out of her cradle. She whined quietly and tiredly buried her head in my shoulder. But she would have woken up soon anyway and Connor needed to rest now and not a child that was crying for its breakfast. When I went to the door with Emily, Connor had lifted the necklace with the stone again and let it dangle over his face so that blue spots of light were dancing through the room again. I already opened my mouth to tell Connor that he shouldn´t rack his brains over it for now, but it was Connor who started to speak.  
"Guardian, walk through the gate. Follow corridor after corridor, will get lost in this place. But brave guardian be assured, it is always right to choose the path of death." Connor turned his head to me and gave me a questioning look. "Are these words somehow familiar to you?"  
I shook my head in confusion and went back to the bed, where I sat down on the edge. "How do you know them?"  
"Ray spoke them after he lost his consciousness and the stone shone. Are you sure you do not know them? Did Ray mention them before?"  
I shook my head again and frowned thoughtfully. No. These words were entirely unfamiliar to me, although I was already searching my mind for them. I had read so many books or had often visited the opera. But these lines hadn´t been in any book, any story, any poem and in any opera I knew.  
"Maybe Ray made them up", I guessed. "You said yourself that he probably wanted to trick you."  
Connor nodded slowly, but I saw that he wasn´t convinced by his own guess. Whatever he had seen, it was gnawing at him and I already knew that it was going to bother him for quite a while. But at least for this moment, I wanted to prohibit it. I gently took the necklace out of Connor´s hand which he allowed me without resistance and I said: "Rest. You can rack your brains another time."  
"If it would only be so easy", Connor murmured.  
"Drink the tea and it will." I shortly put a hand on his cheek, before I stood up and rearranged the position of the sleeping Emily on my arm. "I´m downstairs if you need something and hope that you haven´t eaten all the stew."  
A faint smile flitted across Connor´s lips, but it was enough. It let this serious, thoughtful expression disappear from his face for a moment, which I would like to see more often.

* * *

I didn´t know if he had drunk something from the valerian-tea or not, when I eventually entered the bedroom to get Connor´s dirty clothes, he was sleeping soundly. Nothing suggested the strains of the last hours or his agonizing thoughts. I tried to see it as a good omen. A sign that Connor was going to recover quickly, not only physically but also mentally. But he wasn´t the only one who needed this recovery. Around midday of the same day, Caleb returned from Dr White´s. His burns were covered by layers of ointment, but they couldn´t hide their actual extent. The wounds were covering the left side of Caleb´s face like many single marks, as well as a part of his neck and were still visible under the collar of his shirt. They would become scars which maybe wouldn´t disfigure him, but would always remind him of last night. Exactly these memories were already agonising him now.  
When he returned, I was just cleaning Connor´s clothes in front of the house. I tried to scrub away the dust, blood, sweat and scent of burnt black powder, until it felt like the skin was washed off my hands. I almost hadn´t noticed Caleb when he wordlessly went to the front door, but before he could go inside, I had leaped up and had run to him. I dried my hands on my apron, before I firmly pulled the boy into my arms. Caleb tensed up, but finally wrapped his arms around me, too and snuggled up to me. He was trembling, as if he was crying. I pushed him away from me and put my hands on his cheeks, when I really saw tears in his eyes, which he tried to hold back.  
"I´m so incredibly proud of you", I said with a gentle voice, whereupon Caleb lowered his eyes.  
"But I let him trick me. He would have killed me if you hadn´t defended me. But I should have been the one who protected you."  
His voice sounded so remorseful that it almost hurt me. He was a child, no matter how adult he wanted to be. He maybe was already thirteen years old and on the best way to grow over my head, but for me he was still the little boy we had taken with us three years ago. For whom I cared as if he was my own flesh and blood. I didn´t want him to be plagued by such thoughts.  
"You protected me", I said and stroked through his blonde hair. "You stopped Ray from threatening me and with that, you also protected Emily. It wasn´t your fault that he tricked you. I should have warned you, but the two of us protected each other last night and you don´t need to reproach yourself, my little one. You were very brave and should be proud of yourself."  
Caleb still wasn´t looking at me, but when he embraced me again, I had the feeling that I had been able to take a bit of his burden off him at least. Now he knew that I wasn´t angry with him. I kissed his forehead and freed him from the embrace.  
"Go inside. There´s still something to eat."  
Caleb beamed at me. "Something with bacon?"  
I laughed and shook my head. "Close. Stew. I hadn´t enough time for a breakfast like that. Take it as an early lunch."  
Caleb appeared to be disappointed, but when I added a "Maybe tomorrow", his eyes lightened up again and I watched smirking, how he went to the house with loping steps. It was easy to comfort a joyful soul, although he would certainly need some time to assimilate the whole events. But when I shortly saw the image of my dead brother in my mind, I painfully realised: _We all will need it._


	44. Chapter 44

**Beloved sister**

Only two days later, I was standing alone by the freshly filled up grave of my brother and looked at the provisional gravestone on it. A small rock on which Norris had, after my request, engraved Ray´s initials and the years of his birth and death. The grave also appeared quite provisional, maybe even loveless. But I had chosen the isolated spot on a clearing in the forest, beyond the homestead´s borders, on purpose. Ray hadn´t only harmed my family but also my friends. Everyone was clearly remembering the attack on Davenport and I found it wrong to bury the plotter behind it on homestead ground. He hadn´t this right, but he had the right to have a proper burial. Here in the forest, he could rest in peace and I could, when I was able to sometime, make this short walk and visit his grave.  
But at the moment, it was hard for me to really grieve for Ray. I felt sadness and pain about his death, but I was also filled by feelings that had always been there when I had thought about him lately. Bitter disappointment, anger and incomprehension. My mind could find no explanation for how I could have been so wrong about Ray in all these years. That I had never come to the thought that he had been the one who had killed my parents. For eighteen years. I had only seen it when he had always taken my child from me, too and before, I had always protected him despite his crimes and because of that, I had almost pushed Connor away from me. The man who, despite everything, was trying to tell me that I should keep my memories of Ray in my heart. The memories of a brother who had shown me how it felt to be a child. Who had told me the wildest stories and had let me experienced adventures. But in my memories, this brother seemed to be so far away, that I could hardly seize him.  
"I really missed you, brother", I whispered and blinked away the tears, which were unstoppably rising into my eyes. "I hope we both will find our peace now."  
With a last look at the gravestone, I turned away to leave.

* * *

It took about one and a half weeks until Connor could sit up without having his ribs causing great pain. Until this point in time, he had spent most of his time in bed which of course hadn´t been to his liking. Connor´s mood had sunk to the level of a rabbit hole and was unbearable. But I couldn´t hold it against him. It wasn´t Connor´s nature to lead an idle life for a long time, especially not when he was feeling well, despite his pain. So it was on me to make this time as pleasant as possible for him. I cooked the meals I knew he liked the most. I helped him wherever I could when he was restricted in his movements. Gave him some smaller tasks from time to time, when he was up. It was giving him a good feeling, even when he just had to cut vegetables, a task which normally would have been ridiculously small, but which was now a welcomed and meaningful activity for him. But Connor was especially enjoying it when I was spending my time with him. When he was well enough, we sat outside together in front of the house or on the balcony. He taught me nine men´s morris or we just sat together, talked or were silent. Sometimes Connor watched me helping Emily with her first and boisterous tries to make her first steps and I could see his fatherly pride, as well as his hope to bend down to her and help her soon. But too often he was stopped by his pain.

"It´s getting better with every day", I tried to cheer him up, when I was standing in front of him once again to treat the area over his ribs. "The bruise already faded a bit and the wounds are looking better. You´re not looking like you fought against a bear and lost anymore."  
Connor raised an eyebrow. "If I had fought against a bear and lost, you maybe would need to treat more than just a bruise."  
"If you had fought against a bear and lost, I could be happy to have something to treat at all."  
I could be anyway, but I didn´t say that. I just smirked and began to wrap a bandage around Connor´s chest to breathe a kiss into the hollow over his collar bone. The spot I could reach without stretching myself.  
Connor just reacted with a quiet sigh, wrapped his arms around me and bedded his chin on my head.  
"I am sorry for being so bad-tempered sometimes", he murmured. "I just cannot bear sitting around, doing nothing. I feel so useless while you have more work to do because of me."  
"Caring for you is no work for me", I replied gently and ran my fingertips along the edge of the bandage. "It sounds egoistic, but I even enjoy this time I can spend with you. Only with you and not the assassin you are." I chuckled and pulled a bit away from Connor, to look into his questioning eyes. "When have we been able to play nine men´s morris or talk about things that have nothing to do with templars or assassins? It´s almost too normal for us."  
A smirk curled Connor´s lips when he nodded slowly. "That is true. But I am enjoying these moments, too."  
He put a hand on my cheek and fished for one of my strands of hair which he let slowly slide through his fingers. But suddenly his gaze became more serious when he quietly said: "I wished I could have been with you at the funeral. Not for Ray, but for you."  
His words hit my heart when I remembered this day a week ago. I had stood by the grave alone, after Father Timothy had left. But I hadn´t found it bad. In the contrary. It had been good.  
"You weren´t well and even if it would have been different, I hadn´t wanted you to come with me. It was something I had to do alone."  
"And still you were not able to make peace with him."  
"I did." It was a lie and this traitorous tremble in my voice was proving it. Connor stopped stroking my hair and looked into my eyes almost reproachfully.  
"You are suppressing it. Why else did you put his letters into a commode without looking at them again?"  
"I didn´t…" Connor ran his thumb over my lips and interrupted my objection, which would have been another lie anyway.  
"I noticed how you put them away after I had given them to you and as far as I know you, you wouldn´t have done it if you did not want to have them out of your sight. Out of sight, out of mind, am I right?"  
It felt like he was looking right into my soul and I felt uneasy about it. Caught. Yes, I hadn´t wanted to touch the letters again and now I admitted it with a nod. Connor sighed quietly and now his thumbs followed the lines of my cheekbones. "I think you should read them. Ray wrote them over all these years and whatever he did in the meantime, maybe it will help you to conclude with it."  
"But I´m afraid of it. I´m afraid of learning more things that make him even stranger to me."  
"But maybe you will recognize him, too."  
Now I was the one who uttered a sigh. Inwardly I knew that Connor was probably right. It was hard for me to make peace with my brother and maybe these letters could answer some last questions. Maybe even tell me why I had lost my parents so early. But at the same time I was terribly afraid of it because I knew that it would hit me emotionally. No matter what was standing in these letters.  
"I don´t want to do this alone", I whispered and Connor understood. He nodded and kissed my forehead gently. "You do not have to."

* * *

The rest of the day, I did my work without really concentrating on it. Connor and I had agreed to sit together tonight and read my brother´s letters. If you had asked me, I would have wanted to push it far away, but Connor was right when he said that I shouldn´t keep delaying it. When the evening had arrived, I felt miserable. My heart was beating wildly, I had a queasy feeling in my stomach and sweaty hands. As if I was close to be in panic. With shaky hands, I prepared Emily for the night, put her to bed and finally prepared myself for bed. In this routine – to get changed, to wash myself, to brush my hair and to braid them – I tried to come to rest. But it was really difficult.  
By now, Connor had taken the letters out of the commode and had put them next to him on the bed. Through the mirror, I could see that he was watching me the whole time, but when I finally came to him, he gave me a smile that was taking much more fear from me than any routine. I knew that I wasn´t alone while diving into the thoughts of my brother. Once again I was grateful for knowing Connor by my side. When I came to him, he made me sit between his legs and lean my back against his chest. I protested at first because I didn´t want to hurt him while coming too close to his injured ribs, but Connor positioned me so that I didn´t. He spread the blanked over us, laid an arm around my waist and kissed my temple.  
"Is it comfortable?", he asked gently and I nodded. It wasn´t just comfortable, I felt incredibly safe and secure. Safe enough to face my fear.

Connor took the stack of letters and put it on my knees, before he wrapped his arms around me again. Without saying it, he wanted me to decide on my own, when I felt ready to start reading. But although I would have liked to delay it, I took the first letter very soon and began to read. Silently, to myself, but knowing and accepting that Connor was also reading over my shoulder. His presence, his embrace and even the occasional touch of his cheek on my temple were giving me this feeling of safety while I read letter after letter.  
There were really over ninety of them. Since the year 1776, when Ray had come to America with the redcoats, he had written to me almost every month. Even after we had met each other again. He had written the last letters only a few days after he had hold Emily out of the window. The first letters, until 1778, were like short diary entries. Summaries of his experiences. Ray wrote about the situation in the forts and camps he was in. About the fights he had fought and the patriots he had met. He often wrote that he wasn´t able and didn´t want to describe the real horror.

 _I´m just glad you are in London and in safety and don´t have to experience this senseless war._

Not a single time, he uttered some kind of hatred for his opponents. But soon this image changed when we reached the year 1779. Ray had been sent to Savannah in August and in September, the Americans, with the support of the French and under the commando of General Benjamin Lincoln and the French admiral D'Estaing, began to besiege the city. The British were outnumbered and Ray wrote how tensed the situation in the city was.

 _Everyone has his end in front of his eyes once again. We are only waiting for them to attack us and listen to their cries for their alleged freedom and the insults which are supposed to lure us out. You can´t imagine how it feels like. Surrounded by ungrateful bastards who have enjoyed our king´s protection over years and now want to kill us for it._

After this letter, he hadn´t written to me for more than a year and I didn´t need to take the next letter to know why. It was dated September 1781. Two years after the begin of the siege. Only a few days after the Battle of the Chesapeake about which I knew that Connor and the Aquila had fought for the patriots in it. Ray hadn´t noticed anything of that. He wrote that he had hidden in a cave close to New York and he wrote what I already knew. That he had been almost deadly wounded in Savannah, had wandered through the country alone, without the support of his comrades or even of his enemy. He had survived alone and had treated his wounds, although he had wanted to die, according to his own words.

 _You don´t believe how often I thought about ending my life. To end this pain and to spare the world from enduring a creature like me. Sometimes I think that even the animals of the forest are disgusted by my appearance. That even a bear or a puma won´t attack me. But I can´t. I think that I still have a duty towards my fatherland and especially towards you and my mother. I want the patriots to regret their betrayal and as soon as I have recovered, I will make sure of it. And then I will return to you._

The next letters proved how strong this wish was, to punish the patriots for the betrayal Ray was reproaching them for. At this point in time, he was convinced that they would lose the war. But with the end of the war, these convictions were destroyed. Ray was furious about the victory of his enemies and cursed them for it.

 _I was in New York when the ships with the King´s last troupes left. I saw how these traitors were standing at the harbour, cheering and shouting after the ships. They are celebrating their alleged victory, but they are standing in front of their abyss. Without our King George, they cannot survive. They will drown in chaos and I ensure you that I will make sure that they will kiss our King´s feet again soon._

And so Ray´s plan to throw the now independent Americans from their path to an own state developed. With unsettling and trouble. He described how he gathered loyalists like himself to realize his plans. Nothing I read was new to me. He had already told me about it and I felt the same lack of understanding like before. Until June 1784. The month when Nathan had brought me to Philadelphia. Ray had been in the city, too because they had wanted to meet there. When Nathan had come to this meeting, after he had brought me into the brothel, he had told everyone how he had got even with me. He´d had to answer to Ray because he hadn´t known anything about the kidnapping of a woman. So he had learned for the first time, that I was in America.

 _At first I didn´t thought he could talk about you. I´ve never expected you to be in America after all. How could I have believed him that you are married. With a Mohawk, that´s what he told me. "A dirty whore who would let an ox give it to her if the incentive is only big enough." That´s what he said about you. When your name was said, I let him describe your appearance. I really began to fear that he was talking about you, but it was too absurd. Until I saw you in Philadelphia, more than a week later. I would have recognized you everywhere, Lilly. You were sitting on a horse behind this Mohawk and you were about to leave the city. How much I wanted to run to you. How much I wanted to take you with me. But at this point in time, I couldn´t. Not yet. But be sure that Nathan paid for his crimes. Because I will never allow anyone to harm you and doubt your honour without being punished._

I already knew what this punishment had been, but I was forced to read it again. I had to read how proud Ray had been to have taken revenge for me. I had felt how Connor had trembled with suppressed anger while reading this letter. I didn´t know if it was because of the memories, Nathan´s insults or Ray´s horrible revenge. But when I had read the letter and had put it to the others, I grabbed Connor´s hands, which were folded in front of my belly and leaned my head against his shoulder. Silently we sat like this for some minutes, until we both had ordered our thoughts and I took the next letter. Now we knew which events we were approaching and once again I believed that my heart could jump out of my chest. At first, the next letter was about Ray´s explanations of his plans and that he wanted to meet me some day. At this point in time, he knew where I lived, but he wrote that he hadn´t been brave enough to come to me. But during this time, he gathered information about Connor. About his doings during the war and already then, he had got an opinion about Connor, which had never left him: That Connor was a traitor and above all, not good for me.

 _I don´t know if Nathan was right about what he said. That you´re married to this Connor because he forced you. But no matter if you´re with him willingly or not: I will protect you from him and bring you to safety. I owe you it, as your brother._

Then came the letter Ray had written after my visit in the fort. He wrote how horrified he had been to see me so all of the sudden. How much he had regretted to have broken my wrist. He had wanted to reveal himself to me, but had feared I could be scared by his appearance and had let me go because of his own fear. Then he had needed, weeks, months to visit me. Until December. The winter when I had been pregnant with Emily and when the homestead had suffered under scarce supplies. The day, when the roof of the barn had collapsed, Ray had found the courage and had wanted to talk to me.

 _I was as cowardly as a rabbit. I hid and watched your house. Watched Connor chopping wood and asked myself the whole time, if you´re inside. I didn´t want to go to you when he was with you, too. So I decided to wait. Until this old woman came to you, Connor left and then you left the house, too. I can´t tell how it felt to see you after such a long time, in daylight and close. You´ve become so adult, Lilly. Changed so much, but still I recognized my little sister. My little sister who´s now becoming a mother herself. A strange feeling, especially when I remember who the father is. But when I heard what happened and learned about your upcoming problems, I wanted to help you. Despite your traitorous friends. I wanted that you and your child want for nothing._

And so Ray had organised the cart with supplies. He hadn´t wrote from where. But the thought that he had watched us was still frightening me. Although I already knew that he had been the rider Connor and I had seen this night. But not only this day, he had watched us undetected. He even had been there the day Connor and I had had our terrible fight. He hadn´t noticed it, but he had seen how Connor had rode away angrily. But still he hadn´t wanted to visit me, always because of the same reason: He had been afraid of my reaction.  
And then the last letter. Ray described our meeting by the edge of the forest, how hurting it had been for him to be sent away by me. How he had decided to make me talk to him. An ice cold shiver ran down my spine as I read the situation in out bedroom from his point of view. He had never really wanted to hurt Emily, but only had wanted to keep Connor at bay.

 _And still I can´t tell how angry I am with you. You don´t understand me! You let yourself been lulled by him and it frightens me, Lilly. What shall become of us? We are a family. We have to stay together, but I know that you´re doing it deep in your heart. You´re standing by me. You have to. Otherwise I´m afraid of what could happen. That it could end between us like it did between father and me._

I faltered more and more when I read the following lines. He had already said this sentence about my father to me when he had thrown the signature ring to me. Because of the ring, it had come to my mind that he had been the one who had killed my parents. And Ray confessed. In this last part of the letter, he described what had happened in this night, on this day. But when it became clear to me, I couldn´t keep reading. I didn´t want to read what Ray had done back then, although I knew that there was no way around it. All these years I had asked myself, what had happened back then. I had already answered this question on my own, but now the true answer was lying in front of me and again I became panic-stricken. With shaking hands, I lowered the letter and turned it so that I couldn´t look at the written lines anymore.  
"I can´t read this", I whispered and crossed my arms in front of my chest, as if it could stop me from taking the letter again. "I want to, but I can´t."  
Connor took a hand from my belly and ran it through my hair, as the first tears ran over my cheeks and my whole body began to tremble. I was overtaxed by my own reaction. I didn´t want to cry, but I was really afraid without knowing why. I already knew that Ray had killed my parents. But maybe it was different to see it from his point of view.  
"You do not have to read it, if you do not feel ready", Connor whispered to me, but I shook my head.  
"I have to", I said quietly and turned my head to him. "But…could you…could you read it out to me? I don´t dare to read it myself."  
Connor looked me over, but with a nod he kissed my hair again. I carefully turned on my side and so I could bury my face in his chest, while he wrapped an arm around me and took the letter with his free hand. Under no circumstances, I wanted to see the words Connor was reading out to me. Although it was strange at first, to hear Ray´s words with Connor´s voice, I was less afraid of it than before. The sound of this beloved voice made the words more bearable, which he read out to me without hesitation and judgement.

 _"Otherwise I´m afraid of what could happen. That it could end between us like it did between father and me. I never told you what happened back then. Eighteen years ago. I was a coward and I still am because I didn´t tell you. I wanted it and didn´t dare to. Even now I couldn´t look into your eyes and so I write what happened. Hoping you will forgive me._  
 _You know that I always said I wouldn´t care being father´s bastard. That I never wanted to have your surname. It was a lie, because I didn´t want you to feel bad for me. I hated being the bastard. I wanted to be seen and acknowledged. That I can be your proud, big brother. But you know that father always refused. He hated me, like your mother hated me._  
 _It was painful to hear how father claimed that he hadn´t a son. How much he wished your mother to get pregnant again and give him an heir. But it never happened and he complained about that the family business is going to have another name. When you marry and your husband inherits everything. Lilly, you don´t believe how angry I have been. On this evening, when a business partner of father was there for dinner and you behaved wrong, I heard your parents talking about you. Your mother was angry and said that you could never become a wife, if you don´t let them make one out of you. She thought about how she could be stricter with you. They wanted to restrict you even more than they already did and why? Because father didn´t want to see that he already had a son and heir. I thought if he finally acknowledged me, every strictness would be taken from you and they would stop trying to make a wife out of you._  
 _This evening, I went to him and wanted to talk to him about it. I wanted to convince him that he didn´t need to worry about the business because he had me as an heir. But he shouted at me, that I would never have any rights. He insulted me and then he grabbed my arm to throw me out. I hit his arm away and shrunk back from him. I was afraid of him, Lilly. I was twelve. A child and he was standing in front of me and shouted at me. And then it happened. When he approached me and wanted to grab me again, I took the paperweight from the desk and hit him. Out of fear I struck so hard that he collapsed in an instant when I hit his head. I was paralysed and more scared than before. Father was bleeding and didn´t breathe anymore. I wanted to run away, but then your mother stood in front of me. She screamed at me. Called me a bloody murderer and so I hit again. I hit her until she was silent. Then I heard how someone came upstairs who had heard her screams. I couldn´t do anything else but to flee. I took father´s ring – my right – climbed through the window and ran away._  
 _I don´t know how long I have been away. Some days passed until I dared to come back. Everyone thought it had been a burglar who had killed your parents and I didn´t dare to say anything else. They would have hung me or worse. But I wanted to talk to you, so I visited you in your room. It broke my heart to see you cry. I wanted to tell you what I had done, hoping you would forgive me. But suddenly you had this glaring gaze you always have when you´re angry or convinced about something. You said you would hate your parent´s murderer and wished him to burn in hell. I couldn´t tell you. I didn´t want you to hate me. So I said nothing, over all these years. But I had decided to be always there for you and to care for you. I still want to do it today and I know that I will one day. When you came to your senses. I owe you it, my beloved sister. I will always owe you it._  
 _Love, Ray"_

I only heard a quiet rustling as Connor put the letter to the others and I felt the movement of his muscles when he leaned to the side to put the stack on the bedside table. I had closed my eyes and cried silent tears. I was confused. It sounded like Ray hadn´t wanted to kill my parents. He had done it out of fear. But did it make it better? Did it make it easier for me? The answer was "No" and still I felt that I couldn´t hate my brother for his crime. I even began to understand why he had wanted to tie me to him so desperately. Because of wrong regret and a likewise wrong understanding of love. Maybe even because of fear after everything he had gone through in the war. But he had lost himself. The Ray who had written those last letters wasn´t the same Ray I had send-off to America.  
Connor carefully made me pull away from my crouching posture in his arms and lie on the mattress. Carefully he pushed my pillow under my head, turned off the light, laid down next to me, covered us up and embraced me.  
"How are you now?", he asked quietly and I was glad he didn´t talk about the letters directly.  
"I don´t know", I answered hoarsely. "I don´t know how I am supposed to understand what was written in the letters. Especially this last letter. But I think you were right. I had to read them."  
Maybe I would never learn why Ray hadn´t sent these letters. But although I would be never able to legitimate his crimes, it had somehow helped me to understand him. I wasn´t as clueless as before. Many things had been explained which wasn´t pleasing me but which was giving me the feeling of being able to get over it. Certainly it was going to need some time until I would be actually able to forgive Ray. But I would be able to make peace with him at least. Furthermore, I knew I wasn´t alone with it.  
"Thank you for being there for me", I whispered into the darkness and got a well-directed, tender kiss on my lips.  
"I will always be there for you", Connor whispered to me and suddenly I had to remember this sentence Ray had always insisted on. _Family sticks together._  
I agreed with it, but this time there were only Connor, Emily and Caleb I was including in this thought. We would stick together. Not because of guilt, but simply because of real, honest love. With this thought, I closed my eyes and slid into a peaceful sleep.


	45. Chapter 45

_**Reviews:**_

 **To MohawkWoman:** _Thank you, as always. :) It makes me happy to read that you like the story and the pairing so much. How good it would be, if Connor had a brother...or two. No. Thousands of Connor clones so that everyone can have their own Connor. ;D_

 **To Guest:** _And thank you, too. Like I wrote to MohawkWoman: I´m so glad that people actually like Lillian and the pairing with Connor because she´s quite different to the OCs I often read about._

 **To DeLeche:** _Welcome back. ;) Sometimes I fear that you´re not the only one who didn´t notice that there's a sequel. :D Maybe it´s because of the Rating and that it is not listed in the main category, but this story has less readers than Freedom had. But glad to see you again. ;) Unfortunately I can´t promise anything with Caleb. Of course he makes his appearances in the story, but maybe not as much as you´re expecting it. There´s no bonding chapter with Lillian yet and I don´t see one in the near future. I will think about it, but can´t promise anything.  
_

* * *

 **Atmosphere of departure**

Connor and I had almost spent the whole night with reading Ray's letters. In the following morning, I felt exhausted but at the same time, an incredible easiness had seized my heart which I hadn´t felt for a long time. When I thought of my brother now, I felt grief, but no hate anymore. In a symbolic act, I burnt the letters. I threw one after another into the fire and watched the flames consume the paper. I didn´t need to keep them. I knew their content and wouldn´t read it again. The only piece of my hurtful family history I had left now, was my father´s signature ring. To give it away somehow was out of the question and so I put it into my jewel box. Maybe Connor and I would have a son one day I could leave it to and he could pass it on to his son. So at least a part of my father´s last will would be fulfilled: At least the emblem of the family Jarvis was passed on to the next generations.

Two more weeks past in which the saying "time heals all wounds" became true in many different perspectives. I more and more came over my grief for Ray. Caleb assimilated his shock and anger about being fooled by Ray and his burns healed visibly, too and became fine scars that were covering Caleb´ skin on his face and neck like bright little spots. But especially Connor recovered. His wounds on head and shoulder healed without problems and were only noticeable as fine, red lines. The bruise on his side was nothing more than a shadow and his ribs were causing no pain to Connor anymore. Dr White confirmed that they seemed to have healed well, but ordered him to keep going easy on himself for some more days and to take up his familiar daily life only slowly. Connor followed this order without any lamentation.

But finally the last day of his reprieve passed and he was full of beans. In this morning, he really leaped out of the bed and from my seat in a box between pillows and blanket, I could watch with amusement how Connor was standing in the middle of the room, stretching extensively and rolling his shoulders, as if he wanted to wake his body from last weeks sleep. I had to put a hand in front of my mouth to suppress a laugh as he uttered his contentment with half-loud sighs. But when an audible cracking sound sounded and Connor abruptly stopped in his stretching, I couldn´t hold back a giggle anymore.  
"It seems like somebody is out of training."  
Connor turned around to me, his face squinched up and massaging his shoulder with one hand.  
"You may laugh", he grumbled. "I want so see you after being condemned to three weeks of laziness."  
Carefully he rolled his shoulder again, which didn´t utter a sound this time. I was still giggling. Yes, I was gleefully because he always joked about my comparatively small stamina and agility. So the temptation to pester him a bit more was just too big.  
"Maybe it´s your age", I said expertly while I sat up and crossed my legs. "The body flags, the muscles become smaller, the joints crack, you get fat..."  
Connor snorted. "Nonsense. my body does not flag. I just need more exercise again."  
"But you can´t deny the rest. I even see fat pads..."  
The rest of my sentences drowned in a loud squeal as Connor suddenly jumped to the bed and threw me onto the mattress. With one hand, he grabbed both of my wrists to tickle my waist with his other hand and from time to time pinched the soft spots he could find.  
"Fat pads? You want to tell me that I have fat pads?" He grinned widely while I was wriggling beneath him laughing.  
"Of course", I giggled. "You ate...so much...over the last...weeks that I am surprised that...you are not rolling around already."  
I laughed loudly when he let go of my wrists and used his other hand to tickle me, too. Connor was still grinning and shook his head slowly and reproachfully while I tried to push him away from me. but I had no chance against his strength and unfortunately he wasn´t ticklish either.  
So I had nothing else left but to beg for mercy, giggling and gasping for breath. It made Connor´s grin become even wider.  
"Only when you take back the thing about fat pads and my age."  
"You are...a peacock."  
"Look who is talking. Will you take it back?"  
"Yes. Yes, I do!"  
"Say it."  
"You…are not…fat. Everything is like…it has to be and now…stop it, I…can´t breathe."  
Satisfied, Connor let me go and I finally was able to get some air. But my giggling hadn´t faded entirely yet and so Connor propped his arms up beside my head and looked down at me amused.  
"I hope this taught you a lesson. Or do you still have something to say?"  
I grinned and shook my head, while I laid my hands on his belly to slowly discover the lines of his well-defined muscles with my fingertips. When Connor tensed them, they pressed firmly and incompliant against my curious fingers and I couldn´t hold back a sigh. No. Connor definitely had no fat pads.  
"Everything like it has to be?", he asked, still an amused sparkle in his eyes. I nodded slowly. To deny it was useless after my longing sigh.  
"I can only return that." Connor bent down to me with a smirk, so that he propped up his forearms beside my head. His face was only millimeters away from mine and my gaze expectantly flitted back and forth between his eyes and his lips that were smiling softly now.  
"It is good to see you laugh again", he said quietly and captured my lips in a tender kiss that caused a prickling feeling inside of me, as well as his words. It was good to be made laughing again.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and arched towards him longingly but to my disappointment, Connor already pulled away from me again and lightly shook his head.  
"As tempting as this situation is, but I should go."  
Confused I shook my head. "Where do you want to go?"  
"To Boston." Connor loosened my arms from his neck and gently pulled me up, when he sat up. "I know this is quite sudden. But I want to find out what this stone is. Ray was in Boston for a long time. Maybe I can learn something."  
I sighed quietly and looked into his eyes seriously. Of course his lack of knowledge about this stone had been on his mind. By now he had come to the certainty that his sensed hadn´t made a fool out of him when he had seen the stone shine. He guessed that this shining had had something to do with Ray´s trance and these cryptic words. Connor wouldn´t be Connor if he didn´t want to discover this secret as soon as possible. But I was curious, too. Even if his priorities weren´t to my liking.  
"Well then", I said quietly anyway. "I don´t want to keep you back."  
Connor put a hand on my cheek and kissed my forehead. "You are not keeping me back", he whispered to me, before he stood up.  
With serious eyes, I watched him getting dressed and finally, after a too long time, slipping into his robe. It was washed and patched. Again. By now I was sure that this piece of clothing had as much scars as its owner and I had already thought about asking Ellen to make a new robe for Connor. But I knew how much he loved it. How many memories were connected to it. One of the few sentimentalities Connor had. I couldn´t hold it against him.  
While Connor put on his weapon belt, I stood up, too and went to the closet to take out some fresh clothes. But when I already held my shift in my hand, I paused and turned to Connor, grinding my teeth.  
"Can you take me with you?"  
Surprised by this unexpected question, Connor paused closing his belt and looked at me. Then his gaze became serious. "Lillian, you know that…"  
"I don´t want to come with you because I want to interfere in your investigations", I interrupted him quickly but determined. "I thought I could use the chance to visit Maria. I haven´t seen her since she left."  
Connor looked me over which irritated me at first. Did he think I was using an excuse? I really wanted to visit Maria. The chance to travel to Boston was too rare, especially because Connor was always so concerned when I wanted to go alone. So it was a good way for us both. He could watch over me and wouldn´t hinder him in the city. Connor seemed to understand this, too. He nodded, but raised his index finger almost warningly at the same time.  
"No solo attempts."  
"You have my word."

* * *

About two hours later, I left – for the journey on horseback dressed in trousers for once – the house for the stables. One full saddle bag in each hand. Connor didn´t know how long we were going to stay in Boston and had already prepared me for at least one night in an inn. Because we would take Emily with us and in my motherly care, I had packed everything into the bags I was sure we would need it for Emily. With supplies. But while I carried the bags to the stable, I asked myself if I had exaggerated it a bit. Groaning I put the bags next to Aldah, who had been saddled by Connor in the meantime.  
"I´m sorry, boy. You´re getting some extra weight." I patted the black croup and began to fasten the bags at the saddle. I lifted a bent leg while doing so, to put the weight on it, but only began to sway because of it.  
"Do you need help?", I heard an amused comment coming from the side and I saw Connor who, Emily on his arm, stepped out of Cherry´s box.  
"No, no. I´m alright." I lightly jumped up and down on one foot, to shift my weight, but Connor pushed his free hand under the bag and immediately raised an eyebrow.  
"Did you pack in our whole household? We will be away for one night at most."  
"I just like to be prepared", I grumbled and finally fastened the bag to the saddle. When I wanted to grab for the next, Connor took it, shaking his head and handed Emily over to me.  
"I will get two more bags and we will distribute everything. Aldah will already carry enough weight when you two are sitting on him."  
And so he disappeared inside the stable, only to return with said bags shortly afterwards. Smirking I watched Connor distributing the content of Aldah´s bags to Cobalt´s and over and over again, his gaze moved to me, he lifted parts of the content and I had to explain why we were needing them so urgently.  
"Inn´s pillows are terrible and I want to have something decent in my back while nursing."  
"Two extra napkins just in case I can´t wash one. They weigh nothing after all."  
"You know that Emily is teething. She can chew on one slice of apple and you can eat some, too after all."  
"I can wash her hands with the rags and the water. Because of the apples. It´s always so terribly sticky."  
Et cetera, et cetera. In the end, some things were staying here and all saddle bags weren´t as heavy as they had been before.

After I had put Emily into the sling on my hips, had mounted Aldah´s back and had told Caleb once again to watch over the house, we set off. Silently we left Davenport behind us and while Aldah walked next to Cobalt, I couldn´t help myself but to close my eyes for a moment, inhaling and enjoying the fresh forest air. Strictly speaking, it wasn´t so different to the air in Davenport. But I hadn´t left the homestead for months. Since Connor´s short arrest by the Templars. I enjoyed seeing something else and felt a joyful prickle to be in Boston again soon and above all, to see Maria again. But not only I left the homestead after a long time. Even under the hood I could see how Connor was looking around and how is gaze flitted towards the thicket from time to time, when a quiet crack was indicating the presence of an animal. He also turned his face to the sun when it shone through the thick leaves over our heads. He must feel like he was freed from prison after weeks, because I knew that he had felt like a prisoner. For Emily, it was the first trip after a long time, too. Strictly speaking the first she was really aware of. The last time she had been only ten weeks old and had slept during the whole journey to Boston and back.  
Now she was sitting in her safe bag on my hips and could look around with her big, brown eyes. She was turning her head into every possible direction, but seemed to be especially fascinated by Aldah´s gently rocking movements. Again and again, her gaze moved to the black, bobbing head and she tried to reach out her hands for it. Amused I watched her efforts, which she eventually gave up with a frustrated sound, only to start again shortly afterwards.  
 _The ambition of her father_ , I thought smirking and glanced at Connor, who was just looking at us, too. He smiled when our gazes met.  
"When you two need a break, tell me."  
I nodded. "I will. But by the looks of it, Emily already seems to have found a passion for riding."  
"It is in her blood." Connor smirked and I almost believed to notice that he straightened up in the saddle. I chuckled and stroked over Emily´s head. If she already had so much from Connor, I probably had to be prepared for anything. Maybe I should start to spread some pillows in the forest. Just in case Emily started to climb on trees as soon as she had learned to walk properly…

* * *

We finally reached Boston in the early afternoon. We´d had two breaks, especially because I had to change Emily´s position on my hips. She wasn´t such a featherweight anymore that I could carry her on one side for a long time. Especially not on horseback. I was just glad that the ride with her ran so smoothly. Except of her explorations with her hands, she held still most of the time, didn´t whine and even seemed to enjoy Aldah´s movements. When we rode through the massive gate of Boston, she was sleeping soundly and wasn´t woken up by the rising noises of the city.  
Connor and I kept our horses close to each other while we were crossing the outskirts of Boston. The streets were still broad and not as full of people as in the city. But we had barely left the unpaved streets and Aldah´s and Cobalt´s hooves were clattering on the pavement, when I kept the black horse behind the pinto while Connor paved our way through Boston´s streets. People were forced to get out of our way and they did, more or less complaining. But we also had to get out of the way of the heavy carts that were crossing our path. So our ride through Boston was quite like running the gauntlet, but we were faster like that than if we would walk and lead the horses. But I was glad when we stopped in front of a tavern I recognized as Stephane Chapheau´s.

We dismounted the horses, tied them, took the saddle bags and finally entered the dining area. Here was an unpleasant, oppressive heat that was mostly radiated by the guests who were besieging almost every table and the bar. Obviously, we had come to one of the main business hours. All these men and women were just enjoying their supper before returning to their daily work. Many pairs of curious eyes turned to us when we stepped in and only a few turned away again. We must be a strange sight. Connor heavily armed and with his hood. I in my trousers, my braid clearly visible under the tricorn, a little child on one, a holster on the other hip.  
I tried to ignore the gazes which was made easier by Stephane´s appearance. He stepped away from the bar, crossed the room with large steps and held his hand out to Connor, who took it. I only received a short nod, but I didn´t expect anything more. Stephane never was going to like me.  
"I´m glad to see that your well, my friend", he said to Connor and lightly patted his shoulder. "What brings you here?"  
"Enquiries." Connor lifted the bags in his hands. "But before I tell you everything, I wanted to ask you for a room. Just in case we stay over night."  
"Mais oui. I have always a room prepared, if one of us should need a room in the city." Stephane took two of the bags from Connor and pointed at a staircase next to us, leading upstairs. He asked us to follow him, but I held Connor back by his arm.  
"I think I will go. I don´t have to be with you during your conversation and I think I should go back into the fresh air with Emily", I said and stroked over Emily´s head who had been torn out of sleep by the noises and the unpleasant heat in this room. She was crying quietly. Shortly Connor´s gaze moved to her and he nodded.  
"Will you find the way back?"  
I nodded.  
"So be careful."  
"You, too." I shortly put a hand on Connor´s arm, nodded at Stephane again and finally left the tavern. Still in front of the door, I took a deep breath. Relieved to have left the stale air of the tavern behind me. Boston´s air wasn´t quite fresh either, when you were used to the soft breeze in Davenport, but it definitely was more pleasant than the air in the tavern. Emily also calmed down soon when I took her out of her sling and to my shoulder, where she could look around with her usual curiosity. Never before, she had seen so many people and animals on one spot. Although she was pressing her head against my shoulder, to seek shelter from time to time while I followed the stream of people on the streets, she seemed to be fascinated by every detail. The playing dogs and children, the town criers who were promoting the newest headlines in the newspapers, the carts which rumbled past us and especially the people, who were going their ways chatting. I didn´t know how much she really noticed of all of this or if it were only her eyes following unknown stimuli, but this lively curiosity of her almost made me proud and enjoyed stopping from time to time, to draw her attention to some details. No matter if she understood me or not.

So my way through Boston probably took longer than it usually would but finally I was standing in front of the house I had been looking for. For Boston a quite typical red clinker building with a shop on the basement and a flat on the first floor. The sign over the door identified it as "Frey´s fabric and dress atelier". I was at the right place. With a wide smile on my lips I stepped to the door and opened it. A quiet ringing sounded and a very familiar female voice called: "Just a moment. I will be right there."  
Smirking I repositioned Emily on my arm and slowly walked through the shop, while I looked around. Huge bales of fabric were hanging in the shelves on the walls and you only needed to unroll them to cut off the desired length. There was fine linen, damask, brocade…everything in the most different colors and printed with different patterns. As well as the shining silk, which felt wonderful when you let it slide through your fingers and beautiful ribbons and braids. But then there were the shelves with accessories. Hats, parasols, fans…dummies in beautiful dresses. I almost felt like in paradise and felt the fine, British lady rising inside of me, who could have spent hours with choosing her dresses. Today my clothes were rather useful and not decorative. But still I couldn´t resist to take one of the hats from a shelf and put it on. It was made of red colored straw, with a broad brim and decorated with a red silken ribbon and white, fluffy feathers. I glanced into the mirror next to the shelf and chuckled. With my shirt, the trousers and my dusty boots, I really looked ridiculous now. Shaking my head, I took the hat off and put it on Emily´s little head. It really sunk into it and still I heard Emily´s joyful squeal.  
"We will go and shop when you´re older", I grinned and put the hat back into the shelf when I already heard steps behind me.  
"I am sorry that it took so long. I…Lillian?"  
I turned around and found myself in front of a surprised looking Maria. She had hardly changed over the eight months since I had seen her the last time. At least when you ignored the remarkably extent of her belly. We had written each other from time to time and so I had learned about her pregnancy quite early. To see her now filled me with an incredible joy and with a bright smile, I stepped to her and embraced her. At least as far as it was possible with a baby bump and the child on my arm.  
"It´s so good to see you", I said when we pulled away from each other and pointed at her belly. "Are you well?"  
Maria nodded and laid a hand on the roundness of her belly. "I can´t complain. But it gets more and more exhausting to lead the business while Ted is away. Sometimes I feel like my legs are falling off. Did you feel the same?"  
I shook my head smirking. "My back was troubling me more. But don´t worry. It will be over some day."  
A grin flitted across my lips and Maria smirked, too. "Let´s hope so. But I think all these troubles are worth such a little sweetie." She bent forward and stroked a finger over Emily´s cheek. "You´re growing and growing."  
Emily stared at Maria with wide eyes and finally reached out her hand for her and Maria took it with a smile before she looked at me again. "What brings you here? Are you alone?"  
I shook my head. "Connor has to do some things here and I wanted to use the opportunity to visit you."  
"Things, yes?" Maria smirked and her gaze flitted to the holster on my belt and my trousers. "Did you become a "doer-of-things", too or what is this costume about?"  
"No, I didn´t." I chuckled. "Without a side-saddle, it´s more comfortable to ride in trousers and I got the pistol from Connor. Back then because of Ray, but obviously he´s feeling better when I´m still carrying it with me."  
Maria raised an eyebrow and clicked her tongue quietly. "Well. That´s sounds sensible in the face of what happened. But I guess we have much to talk about anyway."  
She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and led me to the back room she had just left.


	46. Chapter 46

_Sorry for taking so long, but I´m really busy at the moment and often didn´t feel like translating either. But there will always be an update of course. ^^_

* * *

 **Seek and you shall find**

With a cup of tea, Maria and I were sitting together and told each other about everything that had happened after our last correspondence. I had already written about Ray´s death but now I also told her about the letters and what Connor was searching in Boston. Maria listened to me attentively while she patched a hole in the side seam of a justaucorps. But when I mentioned the blue stone, she paused and looked at me with wide eyes.  
"A blue gem? Made of glass?", she asked and I shrugged my shoulders.  
"I don´t know which material it is made of. None I know. I just guess that it´s something like glass."  
Maria pursed her lips thoughtfully for a moment before she put her work aside and heaved herself up from the chair. One hand laid on her belly, she stepped to a shelf on the wall where she was keeping work materials like needles and cotton. She took a small box and came back to the table we were sitting at.  
"There´s a shop nearby, led by Mrs. Turing. She´s selling every different kind of stuff. Furniture, decoration, dresses, jewelry…I think if you dig around enough in her shop, it is a true treasure chest and you can leave a lot of money there." Maria smirked and opened the box. "I was there only a few days ago and looked for old fabric patterns or something like that. I found a whole box full of these stones." Maria took out a bracelet, weaved of leather with a dark green stone dangling on it and she laid it on my hand. The stone had not only another color, it was also much smaller than the one Connor had taken from Ray. But it was also quite flat and when I ran my fingertip over it, it felt likewise smooth.  
"I only took this for now because I wanted to see how it can be used for accessories", Maria kept explaining. "They had so many different colors. Is it like the stone you mentioned?"  
"It´s quite similar", I answered and raised the stone into the light. It broke inside of it and small, green spots of light danced along the walls. But this fact alone didn´t make it special. "Did you once see that it shone somehow? On its own?"  
Maria raised an eyebrow with my question and slowly shook her head.  
"Well, it could be a simple gem. They are not rare after all."  
"Yes, but", Maria raised an index finger. "Mrs Turing buys her goods everywhere and from everyone. She doesn´t even know where the things she´s selling are coming from. If Ray stole his stone, it could have belonged to the others which ended up at Mrs Turing´s. Maybe she can tell you something about it."  
It sounded like a logical suggestion although it had to be a great coincidence and luck if Mrs Turing was really selling "magical" stones. But it was probably no wrong approach for a researches.  
"Would you come to the store with me?", I asked Maria and she agreed immediately.

* * *

Mrs Turing´s shop was only one block away from Maria´s tailor shop. Already from outside you could see that this quite small shop couldn´t be assigned to a particular business branch. Every kind of stuff was exhibited in the window and when we entered the shop, I was amazed of how crammed it was. The shelves were overflowing with every kind of rubbish and even the room itself was so full that there were only a few narrow passages left. I couldn´t see any system in it. Dummies were standing next to baskets with pipes. Chairs were standing next to pots. Toys next to porcelain vases. Maria was right saying that you could spend some time here and could leave some money here, too. I had to confess that I had already detected one or two things, shortly after coming in. So I stopped in front of a shelf next to the entrance and almost reverently, I took out a doll that was sitting there. It was made of porcelain, had curly, red hair and was wearing a dark blue and lavishly decorated hat on her head, whose color was fitting perfectly to the elegant dress made of heavy velvet, whose cut reminded me of the French fashion on court. It was beautiful and also reminded me of a doll I had owned as a child.  
My father had brought her from France when I had been five years old and I had loved her idolatrously. Had held tea parties with her, had read out to her and had brushed her blonde curls. I had always called her my best friend, until I had eventually visited my grandparents and had illicitly let one of the dogs into my room. Charlotte, the dolls name, had fallen victim to a devious attack and had been literally shaken to death. The tender, porcelain body hadn´t survived it and I had been terribly sad. Now I could only smirk about this memory and I chuckled as Emily reached out her hands for the doll, full of excitement.  
"I think you´re too small and wild for such dolls", I said, put the porcelain beauty back into the shelf and stroked soothingly over Emily´s head, who really seemed to be disappointed about my decision. But I doubted that she knew what to do with such a doll in her age, let alone that the doll would survive for long.

I went on, let my gaze roam over all the things standing around and almost forgot why I was here at all. But then, out of nowhere, a slim, old lady appeared in front of me, smiling at me widely.  
"Good day, Ma'am. Are you looking for something particular? Can I help you?"  
If I wasn´t wrong, this was Mrs Turing. I nodded, likewise smiling. "Yes. I´m looking for…"  
"Something for your little birdie?" Mrs Turing took a step towards me and beamed at Emily, who was cocking her head curiously. "What a sweet little girl. Is the father a Spaniard?"  
"No, he…"  
"So he is Italian. I knew it. Definitly Latin. I´m sure there´s much temperament in your home." Mrs Turing shortly caressed Emily´s cheek, while I was holding back a correction of her background and at the same time, tried to hide my confusion about Mrs Turin´s flood of words. Obviously she was a very talkative woman. She already led me through the shop and kept talking. "Unfortunately I don´t have many toys and it´s difficult to find something for the little ones anyway. I have some pewter figures, but she would swallow them sooner than you could react."  
"Actually I´m not searching something for my daughter. I´m looking for…"  
"Something for your spouse?" Mrs Turing turned around to me with shining eyes and clapped her hands, before pursing her lips and looking through her shop. I had hardly the chance to tell her about her new misunderstanding when she had already hasted to a shelf and showed me a pipe made of light cherry wood, decorated with beautiful drawings.  
"A very fine work", she said proudly. "It should be to his liking, don´t you think?"  
I smiled a bit forced and carefully pushed her hand with the pipe away. "My husband doesn´t smoke, but thank you. I…"  
"Oh well. In this case, I have something else for you!" It seemed like Mrs Turing wasn´t noticing my objections. She had already walked on and I followed her, a bit helpless, only to get a silver flask pushed into my hand shortly afterwards.  
"But this has to be something for him, hasn´t it?"  
"It´s very precious, yes. But I think my husband has no use for it either. I´m rather looking for…"  
"Something special. I understand." Mrs Turing put the flask back into the shelf and disappeared inside the depths of her shop again. I slowly became a bit annoyed, but I tried to hold it back while following the old lady. Now she took a small box out of a shelf and winked at me, when she put it onto a table and opened it. Inside was a golden pocket watch with beautiful engravings and a shining white dial. It´s previous owner must have handled it with great care and I couldn´t stop myself from admiring it. But Mrs Turing misinterpreted it.  
"See, I knew that this could be something for your spouse. A beautiful piece that can be displayed perfectly. Furthermore, he won´t be able to find an excuse for being too late for dinner." Mrs Turing uttered a keen laugh which I couldn´t return. Everything she had shown to me was beautiful and if the situation had been different, I probably would have looked for a proper gift for Connor. But I was here for another reason and so I closed the lid of the box and pushed it back to Mrs Turing.  
"I appreciate your efforts, Ma'am", I started but was interrupted once more.  
"Don´t tell me he has no use for it either!" The old lady had wide eyes and I sighed inwardly while she kept talking. "He doesn´t smoke, he doesn´t drink and he isn´t late either. Tell me where did you find this specimen? He can´t be without any vices."  
"He isn´t", I said with a forced smile. But I wouldn´t explain Connor´s "vices" to her. Otherwise she would either sent me out of her shop hysterically, or she would show me a whole arsenal of weapons…which wouldn´t surprise me in this shop. I was just glad that I had asked Maria for a skirt before coming here. Like this, I had been able to cover my pants and holster and Mrs Turing didn´t think I was the wife of an Italian criminal. Now she was only thinking that I was the wife of an Italian dream lover with only a few vices. I left her to this thought. She wasn´t so wrong after all.

Mrs Turing uttered a quiet sigh and in a rush of theatricality, put a hand on her heart. "Believe me, I´m relieved to hear that. What should become of us women, if there was nothing to criticize upon our men?" Oh yes, that would be really terrible.  
I suppressed this rush of my sarcastic streak and only nodded, while concentrating on the really important things, before the lady could show me more things of which she thought they could be to my...a flawless Italian.  
"I´m looking for gems", I said. "But no jewels but stones made of glass. My friend…" I pointed vaguely into the shop, where Maria had to be somewhere between all this stuff. "told me she saw and bought some here. Could you show them to me?"  
Mrs Turing´s smile vanished noticeably and her already wrinkled forehead got even deeper wrinkles. I got the uneasy feeling that hit a weak spot with my question. Maybe I should have bought the clock or at least the pipe…  
"Well", Mrs Turing pursed her lips. "I know what you´re talking about and I also recognized your friend. I´m only wondering that she didn´t mention that I don´t like to take the stones out. They already caused enough trouble."  
"How so?"  
Mrs Turing looked at me with serious eyes and finally silently indicated to me to follow her. She led me through the shop once again, to a counter where she pulled out a box. "These stones" She opened the box and pushed it to me. "was sold to me by a young lady, about a year ago. They don´t worth much but all in all, I could give her a good bargain because it was obvious that she needed the money. I thought the stones could be interesting for tinker. Maybe for goldsmiths, but instead I was visited by soldiers, a few days later and they demanded to see the stones. They claimed they were stolen goods and had to be checked. I wanted them to take them with them, but their general only seemed to be interested in one stone."  
During her explanations, I had taken some stones out of the box to have a closer look at them. They were all quite similar to Maria´s stone. They had very different colors and forms, but they were all polished and smooth. Apparently not very special, but when Mrs Turing mentioned the soldiers and their general, who had been interested in only one stone, I pricked up my ears.  
"Can you remember how the stone looked like? Which color it had and which form?"  
"Oh, please." Mrs Turing raised an eyebrow and gave me a sour look. "It´s almost a year ago and I´m not one of the youngest anymore. I can´t memorize everything but I do remember that this general chose the only stone that was damaged."  
"Damaged?"  
"Yes, damaged. Like I said." Mrs Turing snorted. "But don´t asked me how. I really don´t know it. But what now? Do you want one of them or not?"  
It was noticeable that the old lady didn't want to continue this conversation. Maybe because she was really angry about these troubles, how she called them, or because she actually knew that she was still trading with stolen goods. I didn´t care anyway. I grabbed an oval, blue stone that was very close to the appearance of Ray´s stone and pushed the money for it into Mrs Turing´s hand. But not without asking another question.  
"You don´t know the name of the general, don´t you?"  
She thoughtfully cocked her head and finally nodded slowly.  
"Caghan…no…Cunningham…no…"  
"Callaghan?"  
"Yes, that´s it. Callaghan!"  
I nodded slowly and twisted the newly bought stone between my fingers. Peter Callaghan. Like I thought.  
"Thank you, Mrs Turing. You were a great help."

* * *

I spent the rest of the afternoon with Maria but rejected her invitation for dinner. I wanted to be back in the tavern before it got dark and so the dining area was illuminated by the light of the setting sun, when I sat there and shared a bowl of potato soup with Emily. Connor hadn´t returned yet and he had informed me through Stephane that I shouldn´t wait for him before going to bed. A quite unnecessary hint because I had the certain feeling that I already knew more than Connor could have learned today and so I couldn´t wait for his return, although I knew that I had to expect his disfavor. I had promised I wouldn´t do any solo attempts after all, although I found my visit at Mrs Turing´s harmless. Attacking a Templar camp would have been a solo attempt, but probably this argument wouldn´t count. So I had only my charm left…and the little gift I had bought. Not to bribe Connor. Of course not. So I waited. A pillow in my back, a blanket over my legs and Emily in my arms, I was lying half upright in bed and looked out of the window. Watched how the moon rose above the roofs. Two or three hours certainly passed in which I dozed off from time to time, only to be woken up by Emily´s light movements. The little one was babbling quietly in her sleep, kicked her legs and arms and I smirked with the thought that she was probably assimilating all the exiting events of today. But eventually my arms became numb and carefully I bedded Emily in the mattress, covered her with the blanket and stood up to go to the window. My arms crossed in front of my chest, I looked outside into the starlit summer night. Only a few people were on the street in front of the tavern, mostly drunk who were on their way home or into the bed of a prostitute. But probably rather into a dark side alley where they could sleep off their intoxication before their everyday lives claimed them again. I only asked myself, what their wives at home were thinking, if they were married. Were they worried or did they know what their men were doing? Maybe they were standing and waiting at the window like I did, with the difference that I could be quite sure that Connor wasn´t staggering and whoring around somewhere.  
 _But the alternative, "staggering around because of bloodlust" isn´t quite tempting either._  
I squinched up my face about this thought and shook my head. Why did I always think about something like that?

I sighed quietly and looked up to the moon but a muffled sound at the door made me wince. It had sounded as if someone had thrown themselves against the door to intrude violently. In a jerk I jumped to the chair where I had put my holster and pulled out the weapon, but then I heard a familiar voice behind the door, saying my name…or rather growling it. My heart was still beating in fear, when I opened the bolt and Connor was standing in front of me shortly afterwards. Due to the sparse light on the hallway, he was only a shadow.  
"Why did you lock the door? Stephane was downstairs the whole time, nothing could have happened to you", he asked grumbling and I had to hold back a grin as he was rubbing his forehead.  
"Out of habit. Did you run against it?"  
"I expected it to open", was the only answer and I still suppressed my amusement while I closed the door behind Connor and he began to take off his hood and weapons.  
"What had you done if I wouldn´t have been awake?", I asked, still grinning, sat down on the foot of the bed and watched the moonlit shadow in front me, that was tidily taking off its clothes.  
"I would have come through the window, but I saw you standing there. As well as some other men on the street."  
Oops. Someone was really acidified. "I had no light turned on."  
"It is almost full moon, Lillian and there is no cloud in the sky. The moon shone on you well enough so that you could see your silhouette and especially your shirt. At least it was not visible that it is quite…short." With this last sentence, his head had turned into my direction and I could see his eyes shine in the moonlight as he looked at me. Now I looked down at me myself. Well. I had forgotten to pack in my nightgown and was used to sleep in my shift in this case. But because I had worn pants today, it had stayed home, too and I had nothing else left but to sleep only in my shirt that was barely reaching the middle of my thighs. Now while sitting, it had slipped even higher. But the pants were really to uncomfortable.  
"Does it bother you?", I asked smirking and was actually talking about my shirt´s shortness. But Connor, who was just slipping out of his shirt and now attended to his shoes, understood it differently and snorted quietly.  
"Of course it bothers me, when drunken men are gawping at you and philosophize, if you would still be so…attractive while being naked and between the sheets. I think I will spare you their exact choice of words."  
Now barefooted, he went to the window and glanced outside, probably to check if the men were still there. At the same time, he was a beautiful sight in the moonlight himself. Standing there, one arm propped against the frame and his head slightly leaned to the side so that his grim expression appeared harder, but not deterrent at all. A light shine was on his black hair and on his skin and in front of the moonlight, the contours of his strong shoulders and arms were clearly visible. What would a woman think, if she was standing down on the street and saw Connor like this? Maybe the same the men had thought about me. If she uttered these thoughts in my presence, I would probably be angry, too.

The blank floorboards under my naked feet cracked quietly, as I walked to Connor to wrap my arms around his waist and to lay my lips between his shoulder blades. I breathed one kiss after another on his warm skin, caressed the scars and moved my hands over Connor´s belly. His initial and basic tension vanished with every gently touch, until Connor turned around and embraced me, too.  
"I am the only one who is allowed to imagine you naked and moonlit between the sheets."  
He didn´t say it seductively or somehow obscenely. He said it objectively and with utter conviction. As an unshakable fact and I almost laughed. Sometimes this man was just…cute in his way of thinking. But I would never utter this thought in his presence. So I only smirked and let my hands slide into Connor´s nape, to pull him a bit down to me.  
"Yes, you are", I whispered and briefly touched his lips with mine. "But I could say the same thing about you."  
A confirming hum was the answer, when we already shared a deep kiss. I would have been totally lost in the feelings Connor´s closeness was causing inside of me, if I hadn´t felt the second leather ribbon in his nape. I let my fingers slide along the ribbon, until they touched the cold stone on Connor´s chest. I pulled away from the kiss and looked at the piece that wasn´t visible in the darkness.  
"You´re wearing it", I said unnecessarily and put a finger at the hard material. I hadn´t been mistaken about its coldness. Even when I wrapped my hand around it, it wasn´t noticeable that Connor´s body had warmed it up somehow. In the contrary. When I touched the spot on Connor´s chest that had been touched by the stone, it was a cold mark between the warmth. As if it had been touched by snow. Never before I had noticed this characteristic about the stone and now it made my hackles rose.


	47. Chapter 47

**New findings**

Connor loosened my fingers that kept the stone in an iron like grip and took it into his own hand.  
"I must have been in thoughts when I put it on", he murmured. "I had it in my pocket the whole time."  
"So you didn´t notice that you were wearing it?"  
Connor slowly shook his head and turned the stone between his fingers, where it shimmered bluish in the moonlight. The troubled feeling I had felt all of the sudden became stronger the longer I watched this play of light.  
"But actually I maddened myself with checking if I still had it. Probably I put it on to not lose it."  
"Without noticing it?"  
"You would be surprised of what you can do instinctively while being hunted through the city by a patrol." Connor smiled lightly, but I still wasn´t reassured by this explanation.  
"Did you notice how cold it is?", I asked. "You had it under your clothes the whole time, it should have at least a bit of your body's warmth, don´t you think?"  
"Probably." Connor grabbed the stone and finally pulled the leather ribbon over his head. I couldn´t say why, but I was relieved when he put it away. Maybe it was absurd but I had the feeling that nothing good could come from this thing. But what did you expect from a stone that had the strange feature to shine on its own?  
"Did you find something out?", I asked, also to distract myself from said feeling. But basically, I wanted to tell what I had learned. The longer I waited, the more I had to expect that Connor would be angry about how I broke my promise. But at the moment, my husband didn´t seem to be with me in his thoughts. With his arms crossed, he was standing next to the chair where he had left his clothes and the necklace and kept his eyes on the latter.  
"Connor?"  
He needed this approach to get out of his obvious absorption and to look at me. "Hm?"  
"I have asked you if you found something out."  
"Of course. Sorry." Connor turned away from the chair and went to the bed, where he sat down on the edge and folded his hands in his lap. "I couldn't learn much", he began to explain, while I stepped to the washstand and turned on the lamp on it. "I was able to meet a man who once worked for Ray and I asked him for the stone. He told me that it was part of a whole box with such stones and that Ray chose one before he ordered Olivia to sell them."  
"Olivia? She didn´t tell us." I had stepped to the bed with the lamp and had put it on the bedside table. Now I sat down next to Connor, who was shaking his head about my words.  
"She did not know that we took it and I think that she did not find them important. The only thing I do not know is where she sold the stones and I also do not know where Olivia so that I cannot ask her. I guess I have to listen around tomorrow."  
"You don´t." I saw how Connor gave me a surprised look, before I stood up and went to my own discarded clothes. I grabbed my waistcoat and took the stone I had bought from Mrs Turing out of the pocket. Shortly I firmly closed my hand around it, felt how its cold round edges pressed against my palm and finally lifted it to put it against my cheek. It was warmer than before.  
"What do you have there?", Connor's voice sounded behind me and frowning, I stopped my little experiment. This stone wasn´t like Ray's. Maybe the fact alone that it was adapting body warmth was certainly not a clear indication for this guess, but it was just a notion of mine. A notion I kept to myself as I went back to Connor and laid the stone into his hand.  
"Where did you get this?", Connor asked confused and stroked his finger over the smooth, blue surface.  
"When I told Maria about Ray's stone, she recognized its description and told me about an old lady who is selling several of these stones in her shop", I began to tell him and sat down next to Connor again. "I thought it was a trace and so I went to this shop with Maria." A short, disapproving gaze from Connor which I ignored skillfully. "Mrs Turing, the shop owner, really had a box full of these stones which she bought from a young woman." I made a momentous break and Connor gaze turned from a disapproving, into a thoughtful one.  
"Olivia?"  
I shrugged my shoulders. "Maybe. Anyway, soldiers came to Mrs Turing shortly afterwards and said that the stones were stolen goods. But their general was only interested in one particular stone and it was the only one he took with him. Mrs Turing remembered that this stone was the only damaged one."  
"And the general was Peter Callaghan?"  
I nodded and Connor murmured something in his mother tongue while he ran his flat hand over his face. "I should have known", he said. "If Callaghan's stone is like Ray's, then it is an explanation for Callaghan's interest in finding your brother. He wants this second stone. For whatever reasons."  
"If these stones are so special, why didn´t Ray keep both of them?"  
"Maybe he did not know. Maybe he thought they were just pretty jewelry. On the first sight, there is nothing special about the stones."  
Connor turned the little blue piece I had bought today between his fingers. He watched the play of the broken light inside of it, frowning thoughtfully. Then he stood up, went to his clothes and lifted the necklace with Ray's stone. Now he held both into to light and many blue spots danced over the walls. But Connor shook his head.  
"They are not made of the same material", he said and made me stand up and walk to him.  
"What do you mean?", I asked and looked at the two stones like Connor did.  
"Look closely", he told me and lifted the stone I had bought a bit more. "The light is only shining through it. As if it was glass, but this one..." He lifted Ray's stone. "The light breaks several times inside of it. Do you see it?"  
Yes, I did. In the light, it seemed like Ray's stone possessed several facets you didn´t notice normally. Almost like a polished diamond. But it was impossible that this stone was a gemstone."  
"Maybe they are just processed differently", I said, but Connor shook his head again. He went to the washstand and I watched with arched eyebrows how he poured water into the bowl, washed both stones in it and – to my surprise – pushed the smaller stone between his lips.  
"If you´re hungry, Stephane certainly has dinner for you", I commented dryly but Connor replaced the small stone with Ray's. Then he nodded and washed both stones again, only to hold the smaller one into my direction.  
"Here. Tell me how it tastes like."  
"It´s…a glass stone. How is it supposed to taste like?"  
"Do not make a fuss and tell me." Connor stretched out his hand with the stone to me and tapped the little blue thing against my closed mouth. I uttered an annoyed sound, wrested the stone from Connor and pushed it between my lips myself. I shortly tapped the tip of my tongue against it and released it into my hand again.  
"Like nothing", I grumbled which was acknowledged by Connor with a nod, before he gave me the other stone. I rolled my eyes but held back the objection and… _tasted_ this one as well. But this time I screwed up my face with disgust. A disgusting, metal taste was spreading in my mouth. Mixed with something that reminded me of the smell of burning gunpowder.  
"A difference, is it not?", Connor asked me, as if we had just tried vine and no stones. I let the stone fall back into my hand and went to the bowl to wash out my mouth. This taste seemed to have nested on my tongue and made me feel nauseous. My reaction seemed to be answer enough for Connor.  
"They must be made of two different materials but I do not know which Ray's stone is made of. It tastes metallic but I do not know metal that has this color and structure. Do you?"  
"No." I scooped water into my mouth for the fifth time already, put my head back, gurgled shortly and spit it back into the bowl. "But I´m rather interested in what made you thought you could taste this difference."  
Connor only shrugged his shoulders. "Why not?"  
"Because you don´t know what this…stone is and because it could be poisonous?"  
"In this case, it is probably good that you washed out your mouth."  
Connor put the stones aside and went back to the bed, where he carefully lied down next to sleeping Emily. In the meantime, I took the bowl, stepped to the window and emptied its content onto the street, which brought me an angry call of a drunken man who obviously had slept under the window. He should be glad that I hadn´t emptied a night pot over his head. Without saying anything, I closed the window again, put the bowl back and watched how Connor made himself comfortable next to his sleeping daughter.  
"You don´t want to rush away and find Callaghan?", I asked smirking, while he pushed the pillow behind his nape and spread the blanket over himself and Emily.  
"It makes no sense. I could take the stone from him, if he still has it, but before I want to know what these stones are and why the templars want to possess them. I have to think about how to go on."  
It sounded reasonable. Like always.  
"By the way, I´m sorry for not keeping my promise."  
Connor, who had carefully ran his fingers through Emily's black hair, paused his caresses and looked at me, who was still standing by the washstand.  
"I accept your apology", he just said. "At least you learned more than I did and you did not went directly to Callaghan to talk to him. It is an advance."  
"In what?"  
"In taking my words to heart and not leaping into every recklessness you find."  
I chuckled. Basically I could have said this sentence to him, but Connor was the one of us who had better chances to stay reasonably unharmed by this recklessness. But about the rest…well, the last word wasn´t spoken yet and we both knew it. We were both stubborn in our own ways. I was just glad that Connor wasn´t reproaching me for today, but was even worshipping my success.

With a satisfied smile, I stepped to the bed as Connor invitingly pulled the blanket back, but I turned around once again and grabbed into my waistcoat's pocket.  
"I bought something for you, too", I said, wrapped my hand around the little object and finally slipped under the blanket to Connor, who looked at me closed fist with uncovered curiosity. "Mrs Turing was quite…talkative. I wasn´t able to tell her what I was looking for, when she started to lead me through the shop, believing I wanted to buy a gift for my husband. Everything she showed me was nothing that would have been useful to you, but when I wanted to leave the shop, I saw something."  
I grabbed his hand, put the little object inside, closed it and held it in mine for a moment. I smirked. "Actually it isn´t useful either, but I found it pretty and more suitable than a pipe, a flask or a pocket watch." I let Connor's hand go and gave him the signal to open it, which he did in an instant. At first he frowned when he looked at the object in it, but when he lifted it and held it into the light, he scrutinized it attentively. It was a thump-sized, quite flat horse made of tin with striding fore- and hind legs which made it look like it was trotting over a meadow, full of pride. The details like nostrils, eyes and the structure of mane and tale were only vaguely visible when Connor turned it to the light. It was no special object with a special beauty. It was no golden pocket watch or a silver flask. But still Connor seemed to be fascinated by the little thing in his hand.  
"What is its purpose? It is so small. It is certainly nothing you use as decoration, is it not?"  
I smirked. Did he really not know what he was holding in his hand or was he joking? "What do you think it could be?"  
Connor turned the horse again and murmured. "It is not a pin. It is also too small and light to weight something. I do not know." When he looked at me, I could see the helplessness in his eyes. He really didn´t know it.  
"It´s just a pewter figure. A toy", I explained with an amused smile. "Normally children have many of them and can reenact the life in a city or a battle in war with little soldiers and canons."  
"Really?" Connor pursed his lips thoughtfully while he kept examining the horse. "Is there a purpose behind it? Is it supposed to prepare them for something? The real war for example?"  
I hesitated shortly because I didn´t know how to answer his question correctly. I had never thought about it yet and hadn´t played with pewter figures in my childhood. But I shook my head.  
"I don´t think so. The children only use their fantasy. They reenact what they heard. Stories about battles for example. I don´t think that they are doing it because they want to fight in war themselves…at least I hope so."  
Connor nodded slowly. "Like a girl playing with dolls? They act like the figures are real and play with them?"  
"Exactly." I smiled and Connor nodded again. "I think I would have been bored", he said. "Sitting on the floor and pushing figures around…" He shook his head and screwed up his face.  
"What did you play when you were a child?", I asked and at the same moment, it became aware to me how little I knew about Connor's childhood with his people. He had only told me about the events that had made him become the man he was today. How he had been found and threatened by templars in the forest as a little boy. How he had found his village burning and lost his mother in the fire. Then how he had left his people to find Achilles to get trained. Quite dark memories. Nothing that would have shown me something about his life before it had turned upside down and I wasn´t even sure if Connor liked to remember. He was silent as first, still turning the horse in his hand, before he closed his fist around it and looked at the ceiling. It seemed like his thoughts were really diving into his past and I watched him silently.  
"Like the settler's children today, we had to help in the village, but we had enough freedom. When we had the time, we often went into the forest. We climbed, played hide and seek or chased each other. We had no toys like the colonists' children. At least not such." He opened his hand again and showed the toy made by workers.  
"We did many ourselves. The girls had dolls they had made of corn leaves or something like that and we boys often played games to challenge our dexterity. For example, a hoop was rolled around and you had to try to throw an arrow through it. We practiced hunting, fishing, swimming or to shoot with the bow. Many things we did was supposed to prepare us for our later rolls but we had fun."  
I had listened to Connor attentively and noticed how the corners of his mouth had rose during his explanations. As if he would like to remember this part of his childhood. I tried to imagine how he had frolicked through the forests with the other children. Omitted and happy. Not so serious and reserved like he was today.  
"It sounds like a wonderful way to grow up", I said quietly and Connor nodded.  
"For some time, it was." Shortly I saw bitterness in his face and I regretted my words. For Connor, this childhood had been over too soon. Slowly I reached a hand out and let it gently slide over his cheek.  
"When Emily is old enough, you can give something of it back to her. She will love to frolic through the forest with you or to learn swimming from you."  
Actually I wished it for my daughter. For me, it had been forbidden to run around and play. It should be different for her.

Connor's face had brightened up with my words. He seemed to like the images I had created and still smirking, he regarded the horse once again. I did it, too.  
"It´s nothing special. It´s just a toy but it attracted my attention and I wanted to buy it for you. Although it's nothing useful for you."  
Connor gave me a short glance, shook his head and laid an arm around my hip. Before I knew it, he had pulled me closer and had gently stroked a strand of hair behind my ear.  
"It is a gift from you", he said in this simple, almost objective tone that was proving even more how serious he was about his words. "As such, it is special to me and I will cherish it. Niá:wen."  
"You´re welcome." I smiled and allowed Connor to lean over me to put the horse onto the bedside table and turn off the light. I was glad that he liked this gift although it was so ridiculously small. I just had wanted to buy something for Connor and the horse had been the only object I had liked. Now, connected with the insights into Connor´s childhood, it had become special for me, too. After I had grabbed over Connor for a moment and had caressed Emily gently, I laid an arm over the man next to me and cuddled up against his chest to sleep. Like always I was carefully moved so that Connor could find a comfortable position to sleep, too and I closed my eyes, sighing contentedly, when he laid still. One arm was lying over my hip and from time to time, I felt Connor´s fingers brushing over the roundness of my bottom, as tender as a breath of wind. I didn´t think anything about it and was close to slide into the gentle arms of sleep, when Connor began to move again, slightly changing his position until he uttered a deep sigh and cleared his throat.  
"Lillian?"  
"Mhm?"  
"You do not have a nightgown with you, do you not?"  
I hesitated. "No", I answered slowly. "Why are you asking?"  
"Well…nothing. I just thought that…" Connor paused and released a resigning sigh. "Your shirt is so damn short."  
Short silence, while my halfway sleeping brain tried to find sense in Connor's words. Then I found it and couldn´t hold back an audible grin.  
"And it´s keeping you from sleeping?"  
Reluctantly Connor uttered a confirming hum which widened my grin even more. This poor, poor man. Probably his thoughts were already with moonlit sheets, but it couldn´t be pleasant with a child right next to you.  
"Then I will release you", I smirked, kissed his lips and stood up to lie down on Emily's other side. I saw how Connor turned into my direction and felt his hand shortly brushing my cheek.  
"You do not think that I do not want to be with you, do you not?", he asked and I had to smirk about the sudden uncertainty in his voice.  
"No. It´s alright." I shortly pressed my lips against his palm and curled up. Still with a wide smile and a teasing "Dream well" on my lips, I finally fell asleep. But instead of dreaming well myself, my mind was only concentrating on Ray's stone and removed every positive feeling I had felt before sleeping.

* * *

It was a small hand, patting my face the next morning that tore me out of my uneasy sleep. I grumbled quietly and when I opened my eyes, I saw the wide smile of my daughter, who propped herself up immediately and crawled to me.  
"Good morning, angel", I murmured gently, embraced her, turned onto my back and pulled her on my chest in the process, where she uttered a yawn and cuddled up to me. Smirking I stroked over her head and looked to the other side of the bed. It was empty.  
"Did you throw your father out of bed already?" I sat up, Emily pressed tightly against me and saw that Connor's clothes and even his weapons were still here in the room. So he probably just had left to relieve himself, although I wondered why he had left everything behind. He must feel really safe in Stephane's tavern.  
Emily's demanding nudging against my breasts got me out of my thoughts and I opened the laces of my shirt to let her satisfy her morning hunger. The smacking and pleased child in my arms, I looked out of the window where the rising sun was sending her first beams into the room. I watched the dance of the dust particles, shimmering in the light and becoming something more beautiful than they actually were. I listened to the noises in the tavern. The heavy steps downstairs that told me that first guests had arrived. The deep snorting in the room next to ours. But above all I was waiting for the door to open and Connor to return. But even when Emily pulled away from my breast with a gurgling sound and I lifted her to my shoulder, he hadn´t come back yet and I began to feel the same uneasiness I had felt in my dreams before.


	48. Chapter 48

_**Reviews:**_

 _ **SynthesisSurge:** Thank you very much and especially thank you for review no. 100. I'm glad that you like the sequel, too. :) But I hope you´re not disappointed when I tell you that Caleb will never call Lillian and Connor "Mum and Dad". In my headcanon for him, his parents died not long before he met Lillian and Connor and I cannot imagine a child, who still has clear memories of its beloved parents, calling others Mom and Dad. They certainly are like parents to him and Emily is his little sister, but they will always be Lillian and Connor. :) _

* * *

**What disappears, eventually returns**

I sat my little one down on the bed, stood up, shortly washed myself and got dressed. My gaze fell on Connor's pile of clothes and for another time in the last hours I felt a shiver running down my spine. The necklace with the blue stone was missing. Hastily I began to rummage through Connor's clothes, in the pockets of his robe and his pants and finally even searched the floor for the object. It was nowhere to be found. Connor had probably taken it with him and this thought caused more uneasiness than the imagination that someone could have stolen it, which would mean that somebody had been here while we had slept.  
 _Calm yourself, Lillian. There will be a simple explanation for this,_ I told myself and took several deep breaths to get rid of this uneasy feeling inside of me. I lifted Emily onto my arms again, left the room and went downstairs into the dining area where several people were already having their breakfast or their morning ale. Like yesterday, I was looked over but like yesterday I didn´t pay attention to it.  
"Bonjour, Stephane", I greeted the assassin behind the bar who was polishing a mug. "Did you see Connor today?"  
"Connor? No, I didn´t. Why do you ask?"  
"Because I woke up and he wasn´t there. His clothes and weapons are still in the room."  
"Maybe he had to relieve himself. In this case he will return, you can be sure of it." The sneering tone in Stephane's voice didn´t escape my notice. Probably he thought I was hysterical but I shook my head.  
"In this case you should think about what you´re serving here. I sat and waited in our room for quite a while before I stood up. He didn´t come back."  
Now Stephane lowered the mug and the sneering expression about his mouth disappeared. "And he took nothing with him?"  
I shook my head. Nothing except of this damn blue thing, but I didn´t say it. I felt hysterical myself about this.  
"Vraiment, c'est très bizarre. But I think he will be here somewhere. He wouldn't run around in the city without his weapons or robes. Go upstairs and see if you can find him there. Maybe he is in one of the empty rooms. I will search for him downstairs and outside. We will find him."  
I only nodded and went upstairs. I was really worried about Connor, especially because I couldn´t explain his disappearance. It wasn´t like him. Why should he leave his weapons and clothes behind but not the stone? Or had it really been stolen and Connor was following the thief? Quite unlikely. Even if Connor had surprised the thief, he certainly would have been able to take his tomahawk. But right now I wasn´t even sure if it had been among the other weapons. I hadn´t paid so much attention to it. I just hoped that Stephane was right when he said that Connor was here somewhere. That he was in one of the empty rooms suddenly appeared quite plausible. Maybe he hadn´t been able to sleep. Either because he hadn´t had enough space in bed or still because of my sparse clothes. But I excluded the latter. Connor really wasn´t so weak that he couldn´t restrain some low desires. So I carefully knocked at every door, sometimes looked into the rooms where I got no answer and soon had reached the end of the hallway. No Connor. Only two grumpy guests who felt deprived of their sleep.

I already wanted to go downstairs again as I noticed a narrow staircase in a dark corner of the hallway, leading upstairs. Maybe it caused no harm to see where it led to. I adjusted Emily on my arm and carefully climbed the stairs which creaked under each of my steps. There was no railing so that my only support were the walls on both sides of the staircase. I climbed up into the darkness, step by step until a trapdoor appeared over my head. It wasn't locked. I only stemmed one arm against the smooth wood and actually managed it to push the door open. With a loud bang, it hit the other side and cold morning air blew into my face as I climbed the last stairs and finally was on the roof. They had built a platform up here with provisional railings and wooden planks and you had a wonderful view over Boston's roofs. Fine fog was rising from the streets and was illuminated by the sunlight. It was a beautiful sight but I could hardly pay attention to it. At first the platform had appeared to be empty but when I came closer to the railing, I saw a bare foot next to a nearby chimney. My pulse quickened in an instant and I crossed the short distance to the chimney to walk around it and to find Connor. He was lying half on his belly, his arms crossed under his head, his face buried in them. He appeared to be lifeless but the blue stone next to his head was shining even more lively in the light of the rising sun. Could this thing…kill someone?  
"Connor?" A fearful tremble was in my voice when I kneeled down next to him, laid my free hand on his shoulder and carefully shook it. I allowed myself a certain relief when I saw that he was breathing. At the same time, I tried to see if he was injured. There had to be a reason why he was lying here unconscious after all. Or why he was here at all. I didn´t want to think about the possibility that the stone was to blame. I was scared enough.  
"Connor?" I shook him again and tried to turn him on his side and it was more than difficult with only one arm. But then Connor began to move. He murmured something before turning on his side alone and adjusting his arms under his head. This was when it became aware to me that he wasn´t unconscious. He was sleeping. Soundly.  
"You can´t be serious", I growled. I was worried about him and asked myself where he could be without weapons and only half dressed, thought this stupid stone had killed him and he was lying up here and was slumbering.  
"Hey, sunshine!" I pushed against his shoulder. "Wake up or you will miss breakfast."  
Again Connor murmured something but when I shook him once again, he finally opened his eyes. He blinked several times, lifted his head from his provisional pillow and ran his hands over his face.  
"Did I really fall asleep up here?", he asked with a dull voice and I uttered a snort.  
"Well, obviously. While you were in peaceful slumber, I searched everything for you downstairs. Stephane is looking for you, too. Why did you come up here anyway?"  
"I had chaotic dreams and when I woke up in the middle of the night, I had the need to go outside. I did not want to wake you up", Connor explained and sat up. I nodded slowly and pointed at the stone that was now dangling on his chest again.  
"But this has nothing to do with it?"  
Connor's eyes followed my hint and he laid a hand around the object around his neck. "No. I just took it with me because I wanted to think about everything again."  
So he had been aware of putting the necklace on at least and hadn´t been…induced to do it.  
"Well you´re fine after all. I was concerned after you were gone and left your clothes and weapons behind."  
"Not all of them." Connor grabbed, also smirking, next to himself and pulled the tomahawk out of a plank where I hadn´t noticed it before. Always armed after all. "I actually did not want to stay here for long. But well…sleep intervened."  
Yes, it did. In retrospect, I felt almost ridiculous because I had been worried only because Connor hadn´t been near to us. That he had left without his weapons and clothes was really an absurd thought, as well as that the stone was harming him somehow. So he only had had a nap on the roof and was unharmed. Maybe I did slowly become hysterical.  
"Do you want to catch up some sleep?", I asked and added smirking: "I mean in our room."  
Connor rolled his shoulders, stretched his arms forward and only shook his head after these thorough stretching. "I will go to the others and talk with them about what you have learned. I think we can ride home after that."  
"And you´re sure that you don´t want to proceed against Callaghan as soon as possible?"  
"Not as long as you two are here. I will talk to the others, ride home with you and there I will decide how to go on."  
I agreed to that. Not for my sake but for Emily's. I still remembered my conversation with Callaghan too well, as well as his warning that we should stay out of the business around Ray. Because Ray was dead now and Connor had what Callaghan obviously wanted, I didn´t want Emily to get into firing line. Furthermore a considered approach was better than a stoic burst-in. But Connor's experiences would lead him and I trusted him fully.

* * *

In the early afternoon we were finally on our way home. While Connor had talked to the other assassins, I had visited Maria once again until Connor had come to pick us up. The new farewell had been as terribly difficult for me as the last. But I had promised Maria to come back in two months at the latest. When she would hold her own child in her arms and I was really looking forward to it. Connor hadn´t told me about the meeting with the others. Probably because he had told them what I had learned or because their recent plans had never been of interest for me. Connor was also very silent during the ride. Nothing unusual, but from time to time I could see his thoughtful face under the hood. Although I inwardly asked myself what he was thinking about, I left him to his thoughts and occupied myself with Emily who had her safe place on my hip again. I picked some leaves from deep hanging twigs of some trees, held them under her nose and she told me in her more or less articulated toddler-language, what she was thinking about them. Although I had noticed many similarities with Connor about her, it seemed like she had inherited my talkativeness at least although I had the feeling that only every forth word was recognizable as such. But like always I was glad about how lively and curious she was. Also now she tried to parrot some words I said and eventually it became a game between us that helped us over most of the way. Connor didn´t let himself be flustered by our chatter but when we had a break for the second time, he didn´t look so thoughtful anymore. I even saw a small smile flitting across his face as Emily included him in her explanation about God and the world with her obligatory "Dada". She only became silent when I took her out of her sling and handed her over to Connor. I had been seized by a too natural need and it seemed like Emily didn't like it at first when I disappeared from the clearing, where we had stopped and was out of her sight. I heard her calling for me until I had crossed a small stream. Then it was silent and also after I had followed my need I only heard the cold water where I dipped my hands in. I knew that Emily loved her father as much as she loved me so it should have been easy for Connor to distract her from my disappearance and to calm her. I was right.  
When I returned to the clearing, Connor was sitting in the grass, his legs crossed and holding Emily's hand with stretched arms. She was standing in front of him on wobbly legs and even from the distance I could see her highly concentrated face while she approached him with small, clumsy steps. Occasionally she staggered a bit but Connor's hands gave her enough support so that she was able to find her balance again and walk on. When she reached his knees, Connor let go of her hands and Emily stood freely for a moment before her legs gave in and she fell into the arms of her father, who pulled her on his laps and into his arms. I had watched everything from the shadows of the trees and felt incredibly proud of both of them. Of Emily because she was developing so tirelessly and of Connor because he always attended to his daughter despite all of his duties and continuing problems and made me forget my initial fear that Emily could never have the chance to develop a relationship to her father.  
With a happy smile on my lips, I stayed where I was and enjoyed the sight of these two beloved persons who obviously got along with each other alone, too. I could see how Connor talked to Emily who looked at him attentively with big eyes, as if she wanted to absorb every word he said. But apart from this, I forgot every attention for my direct environment. Connor, who was about ten steps away from me, noticed what happened in my two meters radius. His head shot up and into my direction and at first I thought he was looking at me under his hood but was soon disabused, when he raised his voice and said: "I was wondering when you would give up following us."  
"I would have been surprised if you hadn´t noticed it."  
It felt like I jumped several meters high in shock when this female voice sounded right next to me and I must look like a scared rabbit as I looked at Olivia who was leaning against a tree, entirely relaxed. Her gaze shortly met mine and an ironic smile appeared on her lips as she said: "I certainly didn´t want to interrupt this family idyll."  
No, of course not. I uttered a snort which was basically a result of my shock and moved from my stiffness to go to Emily and Connor, who was still sitting relaxed on the ground.  
"For how long is she following us now? Why didn´t you tell me?", I hissed to him as I lifted Emily onto my arms to put her back into the sling.  
"Calm yourself", was the only answer I got as Connor stood up and looked at Olivia who was slowly approaching us. She had a broad short sword and a pistol on her belt. If she had wanted to, she could have caused trouble already, but this didn´t seem to be her intention. Although I was a bit irritated about Olivia's sudden appearance, I remembered that she had helped, maybe even rescued me. I didn´t know what could have happen in the night of Ray's appearance if she hadn´t shown up. This hadn´t been the only time she had proved to us that we could trust her. Although we basically didn´t know anything about her and it was hard for me to like her. But if Connor said I should calm down…I calmed down.  
"I would have come to you anyway to apologize", Olivia just said and surprised me again.  
"For what?", I asked and the gaze of the blonde young woman turned to me again.  
"For disappearing after everything that happened with Ray. I just thought that you don´t need me around, too."  
Strictly speaking, I hadn´t thought about Olivia anymore. I had been too busy with my own family. I wouldn´t have reproached her for disappearing anyway. Basically Ray had been our problem and Olivia had done her part with standing up against him and helping us.  
"It is alright. There was nothing you could have done", I heard Connor saying in this moment. "Furthermore, it is good that you are here. I need to talk to you. But not here. I ask you to accompany us to Davenport."  
I looked Connor over from the side, but unfortunately I could see nothing from his face but the tip of his nose. Was this the reason why he hadn´t said anything about Olivia following us? That he had expected her to follow us to Davenport where he wanted her to be anyway? It was no secret to me what he wanted to talk about to her. Certainly he hoped that she had some knowledge about the stone's origin and if this was the case, it would be fine with me. If you asked me, I wanted to get rid of this blue piece of mischief as soon as possible.

Connor's peacefully formulated request fell on fertile ground at least. After she had cocked her head shortly and had looked him over with an expression I couldn´t interpret, she nodded and pointed at our horses.  
"I´m only on foot but I can keep up."  
She could if she had followed us before. Connor only nodded and indicated to me with his gaze alone, that I should follow him to Aldah. While Olivia stayed where she was, Connor grabbed the black horse's reins and held me back when I wanted to mount it.  
"I hope it is fine with you that we take her with us."  
"Of course." I shortly glanced at Olivia who was standing there with her hands on her lips and looked over the clearing, seemingly uninterested. "She already was a big help. I only asked myself for how long she will stay until she disappears again all of the sudden."  
"Time will show us." Connor patted Aldah's neck, waited until I had climbed into the saddle and turned to Cobalt. Probably out of solidarity to the horseless Olivia, he only grabbed the reins of his horse and went back to the street without saying a word. Olivia and I followed him and from now on, the rest of our journey was silent and once again I was glad to have Emily with me. Otherwise I would have been tempted to ask Olivia any questions that came to my mind. What she had done so far. What her plans were…all these quite irrelevant and curious questions. But sooner or later the day would came when I wanted to learn more about this young woman who had supported us against Ray and who Connor had found in our stable bleeding.  
When we arrived home after about an hour and stopped in front of the stable, Caleb and Noir ran out of the house only to give Olivia attentive gazes.  
"What is she doing here?", the boy whispered to me after I had climbed off Aldah's back.  
"Connor wants to talk to her about the stone he found at Ray's body", I explained to him whereupon he looked Olivia over again, who was leaning against the stable's wall, waiting for Connor to finish the thoroughly care of his horse.  
"I think she´s strange", Caleb grumbled and earned a light push into his ribs from me.  
"Don´t be so mean. She helped us, don´t forget that. And now do me the favor and take care of Aldah, would you? Then I can bring Emily upstairs. She´s very tired."  
Caleb nodded and took the reins to lead the horse to its box. I went into the house but while caring for Emily, my thoughts were running in circles around Olivia and what she could probably tell us about the blue object which made me feel an almost abnormal aversion for it.


	49. Chapter 49

_Hello everyone. ^^_

 _Please check the end of the chapter for notes. There you will find the translation of particular sentences in this chapter._

 _ **SynthesisSurge:** To be fair: It's only Stephane who dislikes Lillian. He's very resentful. :D But I think Connor knows, while Lillian doesn't mind. _

* * *

_**Xaman Ek**_

Shortly afterwards, I was sitting at the table in the dining room with Connor and Olivia and seemed to be the only one who felt uncomfortable in this silence. Connor and Olivia were sitting directly in front of each other, while I was sitting at the head of the table and kept looking back and forth between them, my fingers drumming uneasily on the table top. Olivia appeared to be entirely relaxed. Like she had been during our first meeting in Stephane's storage room, when Connor had asked her about Ray. This situation was almost similar although Olivia was sitting in front of Connor willingly and was far more talkative.  
"Well, what do you want to talk about with me? Or am I here to admire your furniture? Not quite my taste, but…"  
Connor raised a hand and interrupted Olivia's random talk. The blonde cocked her head and smiled smugly, waiting for Connor to say something. He folded his hands on the table top and gave Olivia a disapproving gaze. I didn't understand why he had delayed this conversation until now anyway, but at the moment I could see that he disliked how Olivia had started it.  
"At first I want to know where you have been over the last weeks after you disappeared", he said seriously and straight forward.  
Olivia's smile froze. "Although I apologized for my disappearance, I do not have to justify myself. What I'm doing is none of your damn business."  
"Not when I cannot be sure how you are dealing with your loyalty", Connor replied in the same cold tone. Both of them were sitting in front of each other tight-lipped and I already had the feeling that this conversation was going to fail. Olivia didn't seem to be willing to tell anything about her at all, while it was Connor's term to trust her. But in the end, we were the ones who wanted something from her and that was why we had to show our good will to Olivia. When she leaned back in her chair as a reaction to Connor's words and stared at her person opposite with narrow eyes, I leaned a bit forward as if this action alone would include me in this conversation.  
"What Connor wants to say is that we know too little about you to trust you", I started and hoped that my friendly and calm tone would propitiate Olivia. At least Connor looked at me shortly and added with a nod of his head: "You said for example, that you had inhibitions to kill Ray when you had the chance. What did you mean with it?"  
Now Olivia's gaze moved back and forth between us and obviously, she was still reluctant to tell us something about herself. But after some minutes of silence, the young woman pursed her lips and lightly shrugged her shoulders.  
"Basically, I don't know anything about you either and could also say I couldn't trust you. But I understand your concerns and I'm not in the position to say something against it. So, I will explain myself."  
And she explained herself. In short words Olivia told us that she was born and raised on Cuba. Her mother was a whore, her father some drunken sailor who had made use of the brothel's service. Olivia had spent most of her childhood and youth in the brothel but also on the streets of Havanna. She had never had great future perspectives as the child of a prostitute. As soon as she was old ennough, Olivia would have had to work in the brothel, too but in the age of fourteen, she had fled. She had smuggled herself on a ship without knowing where it had been sailing to and so she had ended up in New York. There she had lived on the street. Her childish naive dream for a better life soon had turned out to be unrealizable. Only eighteens old, Olivia had seen no sense in her life anymore. Until she had met my brother. He had convinced her of his vision of an America, that was still under the British Crown. Although she had no imagination of England and its monarchy herself. The only important thing for her had been to have something to hold on to. A sense in her life. An aim.  
"If I hadn´t met Ray back then, I wouldn´t sit here in front of you", Olivia explained, after she had told us her story in an almost emotionless way. As if she wouldn´t talk about herself. She appeared to be causual while drawing invisble circles on the table top with her fngertips. "He practically saved my life and although he wanted to kill me in the end, I'm a woman who knows in whose debt she is and take that very serious. I could have never raised my hand against Ray, even if I wanted to." She raised her eyes and looked at Connor. "That's why I told you what I knew when you captured me. I wasn't able to kill Ray but I knew in an instant that you could do it and when Ray punsihed me for my betrayal, this was the only place that came to my mind when I needed help and you helped me. You saved my life, more than Ray could ever have done it and so I'm in your debt from now on. So if you ask yourself, if you can trust me, Ratonhnhaké:ton, you should know that I will do everything to fulfill this debt."  
"Until you find something who is able to kill me", Connor replied with raised eyebrows and a sceptical voice. He mentioned the main crux in Olivia's explanations about her loyalty. It sounded understandable and believable. But that she had practically used Connor to get rid of her debt towards Ray was a great drop of bitterness. But Olivia stayed relaxed.  
"Don't betray me and I will never have the wish to end your life."  
"The same goes for you."  
They stared at each other like two wolves, determining their borders. I wasn't quite sure if Connor's reply meant that he was accepting Olivia's kind of loyalty or if he still decided not to trust her. Whatever he was thinking, his face was entirely motionless and there were also no noticable gestures that could have given me an answer. The silence in this room was almost oppressive and I caught myself, how I started to slide uneasily back and forth on my chair. I felt like the wittness of a fight that was entirely without words and at the same time, I was angry about it.  
"Do you want to tell her now or is this meeting over?", it finally broke out of me and I gave Connor a pleading look. He finally should make his decision without delaying it any longer. Either he trusted Olivia and told her about the stone, or he sent her away.  
Connor looked at me and I heard him taking a deep breath before he turned to Olivia and mumbled: "Well then." He grabbed at his neck and pulled the stone at the leather ribbon out of his shirt. I saw how Olivia's eyes widened while Connor pulled the ribbon over his head and put the stone on the table.  
"It seems familiar to you?", Connor asked, when he noticed Olivia's gaze, too. She was still staring at the little blue object as if it was some kind of natural phenomenon, before she nodded slowly.  
"Of course. This thing caused some trouble. May I?" She reached out her hand for the stone but Connor's hand laid over it. He tensed his jaws for a moment, but then he lifted his hand again and nodded. Olivia took the stone, lifted it and turned it so that the light from the window broke inside of it.  
"You found it at Ray, didn´t you?"  
Connor nodded and Olivia put the stone back on the table. She folded her hands and began kneading her fingers, as if she wanted to distract herself from taking the stone again.  
"I don't know where this thing is from. It was with many other glass stones in a box some men brought with them. They thought they were jewels and Ray himself checked every stone. He found them not special but there was one man among us who saw it differently." Olivia's gaze became thoughtful. "If it is with you, it must be true", she murmured unclearly but still clearly enough to be understood by Connor.  
"What do you mean?", he asked and the blonde looked at him.  
"If you expect me to say something about it, I have to disappoint you. But I know someone who can do it."  
"Who?"  
"His name is Xaman Ek. He was a slave once, but could escape and affiliated with Ray, too. He originally belongs to the Maya and he was the one who uttered concerns about two stones, this stone included. He was it who told Ray to sell them but Ray kept this one, only to show Xaman Ek that he didn´t take him for serious."  
"And which concerns did he have?"  
Olivia shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't listen close enough, to be honest. He spoke about some powers nobody is able to control. Some superstitious gossip, if you ask me. But if you are really interested, you could talk to him. He retreated into a cabin near Lexington."  
"So you could lead me to him?" Connor had already laid his flat hands onto the table to sit up, but Olivia shook her head.  
"Xaman Ek is very introvert and distrustful. He would never allow me to bring someone to him. But I could probably make him come here. I'm sure he's interested in telling you more about this thing."  
Connor's gaze sought mine and found it. He was silently asking for my opinion about everything but I didn't know why he was hesitating at all. If this Xaman Ek really knew something about the stone and was talking about supernatural powers, we probably should talk to him. I didn't care if he came to us or Connor to him. So I nodded lightly and Connor looked down at the stone again.  
"Well then", he said. "Ride tomorrow morning and bring him here."

* * *

Shortly after our conversation, Olivia had walked to the homestead to take a room in the inn. Evening had fallen already and the sun was sinking more and more towards the open sea. If she had left now to get Xaman Ek, she would have needed to ride through the night and because he wanted to give her Aldah, Connor hadn't wanted to risk it for the horse's sake, who already had a long ride behind it. So we had to control our curiosity until tomorrow, which seemed to be easier for Connor than it was for me. My mind was only half with the things I was doing, when I prepared dinner and even when Connor, Caleb, Emily and I were sitting at the table, I was silent although my thoughts were louder than ever. I was curious to learn what this Xaman Ek could tell us and I was sure that we were close to reveal the stone's secret. It would mean that Connor could try to get the other stone from the templars soon and probably we could get rid of both then. I wouldn't need to rack my brains about some shining objects made of strange material anymore.  
In this night, I slept restlessly again but when I woke up shortly after break of dawn, Connor was still lying sleeping next to me and the stone lay untouched on the bedside table. I caught myself staring at the blue object for quite a while. I was already looking forward to never see it again one day. I tore my attention from the stone, as Connor began to move. After he had lied with his back to me, he turned on his back now and without noticing it, a warm smile slid over my lips when I saw how he lazily opened his eyes and blinked several times. I could practically watch his consciousness rising from sleep and only after he had uttered a quiet sigh and had run his hands over his face, he seemed to be really awake.  
"Good morning", I said quietly and Connor's gaze moved to me.  
"And you", he murmured and rubbed his eyes again. "What time is it?"  
"I don't know", I answered while I rolled onto my belly to lay my hands on his shoulder and to bed my chin on them. "But the sun hasn't risen yet. I'm sure Olivia will come in one or two hours."  
"Mhm." Connor's gaze moved to the ceiling and I saw how he shortly pressed his lips together. As if he was just thinking of something he didn´t like and I believed to know what it was.  
"You are worrying about this Xaman Ek, don't you? Do you think he could be no help?"  
"No. I am even sure that he will be." Connor pushed his arm, which I wasn't using as a pillow, under his head while he was still looking up. "I am rather thinking that I do not like the thought of bringing a stranger here to talk with about things which are somehow concerning the templars, too."  
I frowned. "What do you mean? The other assassins come here, too so that you can talk."  
"You said it already. They are assassins. We do not know this Xaman Ek. Who knows what kind of man he is and how he will be minded towards us? I do not want that everybody who could probably harm us, can find their way here."  
"But you can't delete Davenport from the maps. Strangers will always come here. Travellers, salesmen…"  
"You do not understand what I mean."  
Connor carefully pushed me off his shoulder and turned onto his side to look at me. There was an unfamiliar concern in his eyes and I cocked my head questioningly while he was struggling for words.  
"It is not about that I do not want strangers to know about Davenport. I do not want them to know about me. The templars do not know where I live but if they did, they could come any time and endanger everyone. So if I talk to someone I do not know about my business in my house, who can assure me that this stranger will not go to the templars and tell them everything?"  
It was a rhetorical question, because it was clear that no one could. But now I understood Connor's concern but I didn't know how to take it from him or ease it. It was a problem that would always be present.  
"But you're not thinking about this since today, don't you?", I asked and Connor shook his head.  
"I am thinking about it since the beginning of my training. I always have to take care of whom I trust, but back then I just could have left the homestead if necessary. Now I cannot do it anymore." With these words, he had laid a hand on my cheek and ran his thump over my cheekbone while I looked at him thoughtfully. To be honest, I had never thought about that nobody was allowed to learn where Connor lived. At least nobody who was an enemy of the assassins. It had been a matter of principle that I hadn't run around and told everybody. For me it was a matter of course but for Connor it was obviously something that concerned him. I understood him. Davenport's land was his property and not only because of this he felt responsible for everybody's safety. Even if he wasn't the homestead's patron, he would do everything to protect it. I didn't envy him for this self-imposed duty but I would do everything possible to take a part of this burden off him.  
"Everything will be alright", I assured him and took his hand, that was still lying on my cheek, into mine. "I believe Olivia that she doesn't want to harm us and that's why she would never bring somebody here who could be a danger for us. We decided to trust her and we should do it. Furthermore we are the ones who want something from Xaman Ek, so we should approach him if he doesn't want to welcome strangers."  
"Do you really think that?" I could see in Connor's eyes why he was asking this question. He still remembered my attitude towards Olivia. But what I was basically thinking about her character didn't change that I believed her and with that, trusted her somehow.  
"Yes, I do", I answered honestly and Connor's eyes closed for a moment as he took a deep breath.  
"Well then", he murmured. "You are certainly right."  
"Of course I am", I smirked. I crossed the last distance between us and gave him a gentle kiss before sitting up to stand up and start this day of whom we didn't know what it was bringing to us.

* * *

One hour later, Olivia had left for Lexington on Aldah and from now on we had nothing left but to wait for her and our visitor. I had decided to spend this day as usual. I did my work in the house and Connor also searched for task he could attend to. While I was tidying up the kitchen, I could hear the regular and muffled sound of an axe hitting wood through the open backdoor. By now it was midday and the sun had turned the air into a burning heat. But still Connor seemed to have decided that he wanted to chop the whole firewood for the next winter. When he was still working after quite a while, I eventually took a carafe, filled a glass with water and handed it over to Emily on my arm. Carefully and concentrated she grasped it with her little hands. I left the comparatively cold house through the backdoor and crossed the lawn and the courtyard in front of the stable to go to the barn, where Connor was working in its shadow at least, but had actually chopped a respectable amount of wood by now.  
"Do you fear a sudden onset of winter?", I asked him and he threw the two slices of wood aside which he had just chopped, before turning around and shrugging his shoulders.  
"I thought when I am already doing it…I cannot do much at the moment after all."  
"But please have a break in this weather at least and drink something." I shortly stroked over Emily's head, who was still clasping the glass in her hands. "Do you give it to your father?"  
She looked at me with big eyes but finally stretched out the glass to Connor, who took it with a warm smile.  
"Nía:wen, Tsiktsinenná:wen." He put the glass to his lips and emptied it with only a few, deep pulls. His gaze moved over my shoulder and he lowered the glass again.  
"I fear the break is over already", he murmured and as I followed his gaze, I also saw the two riders coming up the path to the manor. Olivia and a man who could only be Xaman Ek.  
"Do you want to go inside and wash yourself?", I asked, looking at Connor's sweaty chest. But he only shook his head, carefully gave Emily the empty glass back and took his shirt from the pile of wood at the barn's wall. Buttoning up his shirt, he went to the stabled where our guests just stopped on the yard. I followed Connor and tried to look the strange man carefully over. I guessed he was about fifty years old. His black hair, which he wore in a hip-length braid, was permeated with grey strands and his bronze-colored skin seemed to be leathered by the weather and years of work in the sun. He was tall and it was clearly noticeable that he was a man of hard work. The clothes he was wearing, especially the ankle-length coat, were worn out but he was wearing them with pride, as if they were the finest robes. He was standing upright next to his horse and looked around with his dark eyes. Olivia had mentioned that Xaman Ek was a Maya and despite his skin tone, I believed that you could tell it from his appearance. Connor was the only Native I had ever seen closely and even though they belonged to different tribes, I noticed that you could see their origin in their faces. There was something about Xaman Ek's features that reminded me of Connor. Both of them looked each other over and I could feel Connor's tension while he was scrutinized by Xaman Ek.  
"Rubia, ¿dónde es el guerrero, de quien me has narrado? Este es un mozo." He turned to Olivia, who tied Aldah and uttered a snort.  
„¡No está un cabezón! ¡Confía en mí!"  
Xaman Ek snorted. I had only understood a bit of their conversation, thanks to my knowledge of French, but even without them it was clearly visible that our guest came here with a great amount of scepticism. Now he approached Connor, who instinctively straightened up a bit more and looked at Xaman Ek unmoved. They were right on eye level.  
"What is your name?", he asked with a strong accent which sounded as if he had to concentrate on every English sound.  
"They call me Connor."  
"They call you? The colonists called me Lucas. My slave name. Do you have to hide behind a slave name, too?"  
Connor knitted his eyebrows. "I am nobody's slave and the man who named me Connor did not intend to treat me as one. As well as everybody who call me by this name. My birth name is Ratonhnhaké:ton."  
"So I will call you like this. Maybe you do not mind to be called Connor, but if you spend almost thirty years of your life in slavery and are forced to adapt to your masters and to forget your origin, you will sanctify everything that is left."  
"I will not forget."  
"I hope it for you." Xaman Ek's gaze shortly moved to Emily and me and he added. "And I hope it for your child. It should know which blood is running through its veins."  
Our guest looked me over like he had looked Connor over before, but he didn't say anything. He just turned to Connor again and asked: "And you have the stones?"  
"One of them." Connor took the leather ribbon with the stone and reached it out to Xaman Ek, but he shook his head.  
"Do not give it to me and you shouldn't wear it. This artefact has more power than you could ever bear. You should get rid of it as soon as possible."  
"I cannot. Not so soon. If it is so powerful, I have to find the other…artefact, too. It is in the hands of dangerous men who would only abuse its power."  
"You cannot abuse it. You have to learn how to understand it and even then, it is impossible to control it."  
"Can you teach me how to understand it?"  
Xaman Ek looked at Connor with serious eyes. I saw doubt in them while he scrutinized him again.  
"There are legends about this object which are beyond human understanding. Would you stand in front of me as European, I would certainly doubt that you have the ability to understand them. But you are no European and people like ours know legends like these. I will tell you what I know. But then I will never hear something about you or this artefact again. Then it is on you to decide how you want to deal with the knowledge I gave to you."

* * *

 _Nía:wen, Tsiktsinenná:wen_ \- Thank you, Butterfly.

¿Rubia, ¿dónde es el guerrero, de quien me has narrado? Este es un mozo. - Blonde woman, where is the warrior you told me about? This is a boy.

¡No está un cabezón! ¡Confía en mí! - Don't be stubborn. Trust me.


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50 already...I want to use the chance to thank you all for reading, liking and reviewing this story. It's still fun to translate the chapters, as well as writing them. Only two days ago** **(02/11/17)** **, I published Chap 104 in the German fanfiction archive. So...there is still much ahead of us and I don't see an end of this story yet. :D So I hope that it keeps entertaining you and you will keep following Lillian's and Connor's story.  
**

* * *

 _ **The more abundant the plans are thriving…**_

Once again, the dining table was centre of a conversation which was rather held by Connor and Xaman Ek. They were sitting in front of each other while Olivia had pulled her chair a bit away from the table, as if she wanted to stay outsight right from the beginning. Indifferently she sat there and regarded her nails while I had sat down a bit aside, too. The two men should hold this conversation alone, especially because I had the feeling that Xaman Ek didn't appreciate my presence. When I had offered him a tea or something else to drink, he had looked at me as if I had insulted him. Either my polite gesture had really violated some Mayan customs or he just didn't like me. For whatever reasons. Maybe because Olivia had told him about my relationship with Ray and he hadn't had a high opinion about him, or because I was British. Because that the disliked the British, probably because of his time in slavery, had been noticeable in the few words he had spoken until now. So there was nothing left for me but to leave the field to the men.  
Connor had put the stone, or the artefact how Xaman Ek called it, between them onto the table top and looked at the Maya attentively, who had put his folded hands to his lips and looked at the blue object.  
"I have to admit that these artefacts, this one and the other half, are the first I have ever seen", he started. "I just heard about the numerous legends about objects like these. But they are enough for me to become cautious. Did you already notice anything about it?"  
The older man raised his eyes and looked at Connor, who shortly pressed his lips together. I knew that he was thinking of this light and Ray's strange words in the mine. He had thought he was insane at first and so he probably hesitated to tell a stranger about this experience. But he decided to do it. Connor explained what had happened in the mine and Xaman Ek listened closely and frowning. Finally he nodded.  
"This is what I have thought. There is an ancient power in these objects which we as mortals rarely understand. This is only allowed for the gods. But I think I can tell you what we are dealing with, at least. But at first, you have to understand where this object is coming from."  
Xaman Ek leaned back in his chair and his thoughtful gaze moved to the ceiling as he started to explain in a calm, almost monotonous voice.  
"In the beginning, even before us men, only existed the sky and the sea. Eventually he Gods began to long for someone who worshiped them for their creation. So they decided to create living beings. They created the ground we are living on between the sky and the sea and populated it with the animals. But soon they noticed that they did not worship them. So they created men out of wood. They talked and bred but never thanked the Gods. They sent a flood to clean the earth but the wooden people rescued themselves on the trees where they are still living today as apes. The Gods dared a last try with creating men made of maize. They were like the Gods wanted them to be. But to make sure that the men did not forget their Gods again, they constructed these objects and gave them their power. Objects to control the men and to ensure their loyalty. They say the Gods spread them on the earth itself to be certain about their power, always and everywhere. Allegedly, one of these objects is deep inside a temple which was supposed to be guarded by people of my kin. But when the conquerors came, they killed the guardians and the location of the temple became forgotten. The survivors, who knew about it, took the secret into their graves to prevent the divine objects from getting into the conquerors' hands. But they say that the key, which locks the temple, has disappeared. You can find and open the temple only with it."  
"And you think that this stone…is this artefact, this key."  
Xaman Ek nodded. "I heard stories about its appearance and about its power. What you told me is very similar to them. But they say that there are only a few people the key's secret or the divine objects reveal themselves to. It seems like you are one of them."  
"And what about Ray's trance?", Connor asked sceptically.  
"Maybe the key needs some kind of medium to reveal itself."  
Silence. Connor sank back in his chair and I saw how he started to knead his hands under the table top. It didn't look like he wanted to believe Xaman Ek's words so easily. It was hard for me, too. But shouldn't we know already that there were things on this earth which were beyond our imagination? If there weren't, I wouldn't sit here today.  
"Where do you think could this temple be?", Connor asked at last and raised his eyes from the stone…artefact…key. But Xaman Ek shrugged his shoulders.  
"My people are living very scattered, mainly in the south of the continent. In the Caribbean alone, there are many old places which are partly inhabited, partly left to their deterioration. The temple could be everywhere and nowhere and I doubt that there is only one Maya who knows where and who would help you above all. They are very reserved to protect our culture and our existence."  
"I understand. It is the duty of us all to protect our people. But I am grateful that you still told me about what you know."  
"I simply do not want the wrong people to get the power of the Gods. But let me tell you: Find both halves and destroy them. It would be better if the temple and its secret stayed unexplored."  
"I promise, I will not allow the wrong people to get to the secrets."

Connor hadn't entirely corresponded to Xaman Ek's concerns like this. It seemed like he wanted to decide on his own how to deal with his new knowledge. But I had to agree to Xaman Ek inwardly. I wanted to see this blue thing destroyed instead of knowing that Connor kept attending to it and everything related to it. But it seemed like he had made a decision and I could already see it working inside of him as we eventually bid farewell to Xaman Ek and Olivia, who wanted to accompany him back. We had barely closed the door behind them, when Connor silently disappeared in the basement and I didn't saw him for the rest of the day. Only when the night had fallen, Connor seemed to have ended his lonely phase of thinking. At this point in time, I had already gone to bed and had slept until the rustling of the blanket, which was lifted and carefully spread over me again, tore me out of my dreams. Sleepy and grumbling, I opened my eyes, only to stare into perfect darkness. Only the light movement of the mattress when he searched for a comfortable position to sleep in, proved Connor's presence, as well as the quiet sigh when he obviously found it. I turned to him and could only see his vague silhouette in front of me. He was also lying on his side, but I couldn't see if he was turned to me or not. I decided to let him sleep, but Connor must have noticed that I wasn't sleeping anymore.  
"Did I wake you up?", he asked quietly into the darkness and now I knew that he was turned to me.  
"Not directly", I murmured and adjusted my pillow. "Have you been downstairs the whole time and thought about Xaman Ek's words?"  
"More or less, yes. I thought about how to go on."  
"And did you decide something?"  
"Not directly."  
The mattress moved again as Connor sat up and fluffed up his pillow, before lying down again and clamping the pillow between head and arms.  
"What do you think about all this?", he asked me. "Do you think the legends are true?"  
"Something about it must be true." I had already thought about what we had learned from Xaman Ek and I had formed an opinion. But until now I had wanted to leave the decision to Connor. Basically the only important thing for me was to get rid of this blue thing somehow. As soon as possible. Despite the Mayan history of creation, Xaman Ek's explanations about powerful objects were conclusive and above all, nothing new.  
"The Maya must mean the Pieces of Eden, when they mention objects with a special power", I said. "I see no other explanation."  
"I already thought this", Connor said slowly. "Then Those Who Came Before must be meant by the Gods."  
"They were certainly no Gods. But everything else sounds like Those Who Came Before, or however you call them. Also that the key seems to react to you. You said you already had to deal with these…people, after all."  
"Mhm." Connor became silent. For quite a while, he didn't say a word so that I thought that this nocturnal conversation was over already and that he had fallen asleep. But he had used this time to think.  
"Maybe I should really prevent the templars from finding this temple. When there is an object which can break a man's will, they should not get it."  
"As long as you mean that you want to take the other half of the key from them and will destroy both of them, it's fine with me."  
"So you also think that I have to get the other half?"  
"There must be a reason why Callaghan is after ours and a Piece of Eden seemed to be a good reason."  
"Good. It is decided then." Connor sounded very determined all of the sudden. I guessed that he was already planning something but until this plan should get its final form, it was going to take a while.

* * *

In the following week, Connor spent most of his time in Boston, where he kept an eye on Callaghan and his closest companions, together with the assassins and Olivia, who had offered her unconditional help. The wanted to collect as many information about the templar as possible. His habits, his weaknesses, his strengths, his plans and above all they hoped to learn where Callaghan was keeping his half of the key. It turned out that the house, where I had had my unpleasant conversation with the templar, belonged to Callaghan himself and he was only providing it for his order. Primary it was his residence and if you wanted to call it like this: His headquarters. Over time, it emerged that Callaghan rarely left his house and was very bounded to this place. Connor was sure that the artefact had to be there. But he had to get it somehow. This problem was the main topic, as Duncan, Clipper and Stephane visited us one day. In this mild summer evening, they sat together on the terrace, around the table which they had carried outside before. After the past, almost unbearably hot day, it was just more pleasant to sit outside where the air was noticeably cooling down. Olivia, who had lived in the inn during the last days, was there, too and had already come to terms with the men amazingly well. Connor had told me that the young woman had been a great help in Boston. She seemed to have a talent for fighting with the blade of her short sword which had brought her the respect of the others. But she didn't know much about the brotherhood until now and Connor didn't intend to tell her more for now. But still Olivia seemed to feel comfortable in this new company and had understood its structure where Connor was on the top. Olivia held back of which I hadn't thought that she was able to do so. Even now she sat on her chair entirely silent, her legs crossed and was also waiting for Connor to say something. He leaned against the supporting pillar of the balcony over the terrace and was lost in his thoughts, after the five of them had spent the last hours with talking about possible plans without interruption. I had been in the kitchen to prepare dinner, which I had served to our guests by now. Now I had Emily on my lap and held a small plate, filled with ragout, which the little one ate with a spoon bit by bit. Duncan, Stephane, Olivia, Clipper and Caleb, who had joined us by now, were eating silently.

"What did you decide until now?", I finally asked into this silence, not talking to someone in particular. It was Clipper, who answered, while running a slice of bread over his empty plate.  
"It's certain that we can't confront Callaghan or the other templars directly. They are still looking for Jarvis and don't know that he's dead and the other half of the key in Connor's possession and we should leave it like this for now."  
"Furthermore they think that we still don't know about it. If we are able to get the other half unnoticed, they wouldn't think that we have it and know about its secret", Duncan added, who was also scraping the rest of his meal together.  
"And now you don't know how to do it", I concluded and the two men nodded, while they kept attending to the food. A quiet clattering sounded as Olivia put her empty plate back on the table.  
"Well, I've already proposed something", she said slowly and grabbed a napkin to dab her mouth clean. "We have to replace the artefact somehow. Callaghan won't notice that it's gone."  
"But in your glorious idea you didn't consider how we are supposed to do it", Stephane mentioned, a mocking expression about his mouth.  
"You didn't propose anything until now, _franchute_."  
"Enough. Fights will not bring us further." Connor pulled away from the wooden pillar and stepped to the table, just when Stephane wanted to dash a reply back to Olivia. The two brawlers only shared grim gazes, before turning their attention back to Connor.  
"Olivia's idea is a good approach. But as Stephane said, it is difficult to realize. We neither know how to replace the artefact, nor how to do it unnoticed."  
"But Lillian has also such a blue thing. Why don't you replace it with it?"  
All eyes turned to Caleb now, who kept shovelling his food into his mouth. It seemed like he had uttered this remark thoughtlessly, without being aware that his words were not entirely false. Strictly speaking, many people had thought the artefact was a simple stone made of glass. Ray, his men, I… That the artefact was made of another material than glass had only been noticed by Connor after he had examined it. When I uttered this thought, Stephane shook his head.  
"Callaghan will certainly notice it. When Connor noticed a difference, he will do it, too."  
"Not if he doesn't become suspicious", I replied. "I'm sure he will not look at it over and over again. The difference isn't noticeable on the first sight."  
Olivia nodded. "We need a clever counterfeit. We need someone who can work with glass and is able to make a counterpart out of the half you got."  
"And I think, I know someone. An old friend of mine." Clipper had sat up and actually appeared to be excited by Caleb's idea, which Olivia and I had kept making up. "He's very skilled in working with glass. He even creates little sculptures and is very trustworthy. I'm sure he would help us. I could contact him. I mean…if you agree."  
Connor had stood silently beside my chair, one hand propped up on the back rest. During our whole conversation he had shown no reaction to our words. Also now his expression was inscrutable, but I could read in his eyes that he was thinking. It was entirely silent on the terrace, only interrupted by Emily's quiet whining which only ended, as I put her to the ground and she could return to the small play corner I had created for her on a soft blanket aside the table.  
"Do it", Connor said while watching over Emily's toddling steps. Only when she had reached her destination, he looked at Clipper. "Ask him to come here. He will get everything he needs and we will pay him for his efforts." Connor's gaze moved to Olivia. "You are very skilled in…burglary. We will make a plan to replace the artefact. The others will try to gather more information. Our plan should not have any weaknesses."  
And so it was decided. The artefact would change its owner and if everything ended up well, it would be destroyed soon before the templars even noticed that their plans were failing.


	51. Chapter 51

**…the trickier the action gets**

 **Connor, August 1786**

Clipper's friend, Albert Kingston, actually assured them of his help. With all of his tools he had come to Davenport where they had already prepared all the materials he would need for his work. Big Dave had agreed to let Albert work in his forge, where he had the chance to melt the glass he was working with and fill it into a mould he had created with Connor's part of the key. Although he didn't know exactly what it was about, he invested much time an effort into this work, but he needed almost a month and several failed attempts to make a mirrored copy of the artefact, until he finally ordered Connor to come into the forge. Certain that he finally had been successful.  
Together with Olivia, Connor visited Albert in the forge, where he was always waiting for them with a satisfied smile on his lips.  
"I think you will be pleased this time, Connor", he said and beckoned them over to the table, where he had spread his tools. He pulled a rag aside and gave Connor a small, blue object. Almost with the shape of a drop, entirely smooth and with an apparent break on its edge.  
"On the first sight better than the other tries", Connor said and held the glass stone towards the open window where the daylight shone into the forge. As expected, the light broke insight the object but Albert had somehow managed it to work some facets into it so that it almost looked like the original artefact. Connor pulled at the leather string around his neck and held the artefact beside the counterfeit. Now it was clearly visible that they were made of different materials, but even if the breaks didn't match, you could actually think the counterfeit was real on the first sight and that was what they had wanted to reach.  
"Thank you, Albert. This is exactly what we need." Connor stretched his right hand out to the glazier, who took it with a nod.  
"No problem. It was finally a task that was challenging for me. I should thank you for the job."  
Connor put the counterfeit into his pocket, they bid farewell to Albert and went back into the homestead.  
"Now that we have the counterfeit, we could finally start to realize our plan", Olivia said and looked at Connor from the side. He nodded slowly.  
"We can. I only have to speak with Dr White about the laudanum and you should ask Lillian for clothes."  
"I really have to?" Olivia screwed up her face. "I doubt that it needs a skirt to bewitch men."  
"I do not want you to go there unharmed and you can hide weapons under a skirt. Furthermore your disguise wouldn't appear believable if you go there dressed like you are now."  
Olivia mumbled something but didn't keep contradicting. Over the last weeks, she had actually taken to follow Connor's orders although she didn't have to at all. He didn't want to command her or anybody else. He wasn't responsible for her but because she had joined him more or less, maybe because of her feeling of guilt, he was somehow. No matter for what reasons: Connor was grateful for her support and that was why he wanted her to stay unharmed when they realized the plan they had developed to replace the artefact. Olivia would pretend to be a barmaid and offer the guards on Callaghan's property fresh Ale. The assassins had already found out that there was a certain point in time in the week where the templar left his house to do some businesses. He always took most of his men with him. Only a few would stay and they would eliminate them with the Ale which they wanted to mix with laudanum first. As soon as they were knocked out, Connor and Olivia would enter the house to search for the artefact, replace it and disappear again. They wouldn't need to kill anyone and would leave no traces behind. As long as everything was doing well. Connor was tensed when he thought of this plan but it was the only appropriate which had come to their minds and he needed to trust his own decisions. It would take long anymore until they could step into action. There were only a few preparations left.

While Olivia went to the manor to see Lillian, Connor went to Dr White. He had already talked with the doctor about his plans. The guards by the house should only become unconscious and don't now anything about what happened when they woke up again. Nobody should be seriously harmed and so Connor trusted the correct dosage of the narcotics which Dr White had filled into a small vial. It was the last thing Connor had needed before they could go to Boston and because Callaghan was going to leave his house in two days, Connor wanted to set off tomorrow. As long as Olivia was prepared, too. His way led him back to the manor as well and when he stepped inside, he could already hear the voices of Lillian and Olivia who must be upstairs in the bedroom.  
"Do you feel reasonably comfortable?", Lillian just asked as Connor slowly went upstairs.  
"Define reasonably", Olivia snorted. "The bodice is tight."  
"Don't exaggerate." He could hear Lillian smirk. "It has to be tight but if I can wear it everyday, you can do it for some hours."  
"You are used to this other instrument of torture. I have to feel as if I can fight with it at least."  
As Connor stepped through the open bedroom door and leaned against the frame, he could see the two women in front of the mirror. Olivia wore a white blouse, a dark-green waistcoat and a skirt in the same colour and really looked anything but pleased. Lillian on the other hand wore a small grin on her lips as she shook her head.  
"We can leave it out but then you have to keep the waistcoat closed so that no one sees it."  
"Gracias a Díos! It saves my life. So you will borrow me the clothes."  
"If they stay intact and without blood stains, yes."  
"Great." Olivia looked herself over in the mirror again and finally turned around to Connor. "Am I allowed to stir up the guards like this?", she asked grinning, but Connor only shrugged his shoulders.  
"In the end, you need to be convincing", he said. "So are you prepared? I want to set off tomorrow."  
Olivia nodded. "I'm ready." She grabbed her shirt and her jacket which were lying on the bed and hung them over her arm, before patting against her waist and looking at Lillian. "I will give you the instrument of torture back tomorrow."  
"Do it", Lillian smirked and Olivia pushed herself past Connor saying "I'll come to the stables in the morning". He only nodded and looked after her until she had went downstairs and he heard the front door shut behind her.  
"Thank you for your help", he finally said to Lillian who had started to fold the other skirts Olivia had tried on and put it back into the closet. She glanced at him and shook her head.  
"I'm glad when I can contribute something to this whole plan at least, even some clothes." She closed the closet and stepped to him. "So Albert managed it to fake the artefact?"  
Without giving her a concrete answer, Connor grabbed into his pocket and took out the piece of coloured glass to give it to Lillian. Like he had done it before, she lifted it to hold it into the light and scrutinized it.  
"Almost perfect", she murmured. "Hopefully it's enough to fool Callaghan." She returned the counterfeit to Connor and used the chance to grab his stretched out hand firmly with her own. Her gaze was serious as she looked at him.  
"You will destroy both pieces as soon as you have them, don't you?"  
She had asked Connor this question several times over the last weeks and until now he had always been able to avoid an answer. The simple truth was that he didn't know what to do when he possessed both pieces of the key. He was sure that he had to prevent anyone from finding the temple and the Apple of Eden. To destroy the key was the easiest way, but Connor had the feeling that it wouldn't be so easy. There was something they didn't know yet and this thought stopped him from the decision to destroy the key. He knew that Lillian felt uncomfortable in the presence of the piece they had and wanted to know it destroyed. That was why he hadn't uttered his concerns yet. If she could have the smallest hope that this whole thing about the key was over soon, he didn't want to take it away from her. But they way she looked at her know made Connor realize that she already knew that he was hiding his thoughts from her.  
"I don't know", he answered honestly. "I want to get the other half first before thinking about it. Who knows what it will bring?"  
For a split of a second, Lillian's expression darkened and she frowned. Certainly she didn't want t think of what it could bring to have both halves of the key. But she didn't reply anything.  
"Good", she said shortly and Connor knew that it was only an empty phrase. Nothing was good in Lillian's opinion but obviously she had decided to leave this decision to him. She would deal with her discomfort on her own, but Connor wished he could take it from her somehow. But how, if he didn't know how to go on? He had nothing left but to take the other half and see what was coming next.

Two days later, Olivia, Connor and Stephane stood in front of his tavern and the two men heaved the small barrel of Ale, which they had mixed with the laudanum before, onto a handcart. It was early afternoon and Callaghan had already left his house an hour ago, according to Duncan who had kept an eye on the house. Now Connor and Olivia had to realize their plan. The young woman wore the clothes Lillian had given to her and hid her pants, holster and short sword under the skirt. If she should get in trouble, she could defend herself but Connor didn't intend to let things get that far.  
"I will take position on a roof on the other side of the street", he explained to her when they slowly went to Callaghan's house. "If you need help, I will be there immediately. Take no risks. If you think that they will cause you trouble, leave or give me a signal. Alright?"  
"It already was the three times before when you told me that." Olivia gave him an amused gaze from the side. "Relax. I can handle this."  
Connor didn't doubt it. Olivia was very self confident in everything she did and had often proved that she could keep a clear head. Despite her obvious temperament. He only hoped that it wouldn't be her doom one day. She was very young and reckless. But still he trusted her. She went through more things than other women of her age.  
"Be careful", he said nevertheless as he gave her the handcarts handle and without saying one more word, he turned into a side alley. Callaghan's house was only a block away and he would cover the last distance over the roves. Like this, he could make sure that there were no unwanted surprises waiting for them. The assassin climbed up a house, pulled himself up on the roves edge and ran over the smooth shingles which were heated up by the sunlight. He could feel the warmth through the soles of his moccasins and also the stones of the chimney felt hot under his hands as he leaped over it. But Connor kept running, from roof to roof, looking down at the street from time to time. Olivia's steps were entirely calm while she wriggled through the people, animals and carts of Boston. Entirely inconspicuous as it would be suitable for an assassin. Not only once she stopped, not even when a man talked to her. She wasn't impressed by it and obviously totally concentrated on her aim. Connor quickened his own steps once again, jumped over a gap between two houses and was soon on a roof opposite of the templar's house. With his gift, he was able to detect the two guards at the front door. Then the man on one of the two balconies, another at a window on the first floor. Connor couldn't see more men on the first sight, but it was enough. The assassin kneeled down and sneaked closer to the edge of the roof, leaned against the chimney to hide behind it and peered down to the street.  
Olivia just came around the corner. She had made a detour to come from a direction that suited her role as a barmaid. Now she directly went to Callaghan's house and to the two guards who had already noticed her.  
"What do my tired eyes see? A pretty lady bringing something to drink. How pleasant."  
The street was so narrow that Connor could clearly hear their voices. He could also see the smile Olivia put on as she reached the men.  
"To be honest, I really wanted to give the barrel to someone and it seems like men like you can take something as good as this. My boss, the innkeeper of the tavern one block away wanted to dispose this good stuff. Says it's already stale but I'm sure you will appreciate it. I'll give it to you if you want it." She patted at the barrel and the two men grinned at each other before one of them pulled away from the door and strolled to Olivia. Connor tensed immediately, ready to help her.  
She said it too casually, he thought. Olivia had made it too easy but obviously this wasn't going to be her problem.  
"Show me what you got in there", the man said to her and Olivia lifted the barely lid smirking.  
"The finest Ale", she said. "Already opened but it's still delicious."  
"I have no doubt." The man bent over the barrel and looked at Olivia again. "And you don't want anything for it? Sure?"  
"I'm always glad to make men like you happy."  
"Well, normally I think of other things..." The man reached out for Olivia, but she took a step back and cocked her head.  
"I'm sorry, I don't have so much time." She smiled and stepped to the man again, laid a hand on his chest. Connor couldn't hear what she said next but he seemed to like it. The assassin screwed up his face as he noticed the smug and lusty gaze of the man who turned to his comrade. How quickly the sense of some of other men wandered into the lower regions of their bodies.  
"Get the others, Duck. Here's Ale that wants to be emptied. We don't want that the lady came here for nothing." He turned to Olivia again. "So we will see us later." He tried to touch Olivia but she evaded him skilfully.  
"I'm looking forward to it", she purred and turned away. Swaying her hips, she went down the street again. Connor stayed in his position and watched how the two men brought the barrel into the house. He waited if one of them came out again to follow Olivia, but nothing like this happened.

The assassin stood up and continued his path over the roofs. Olivia and he had planned a meeting point close to the house where they wanted to wait until they could enter it without disturbance. When he reached narrow, dark side alley, he climbed off the building he was on and landed, after an elegant jump, directly in front of Olivia who was leaning against a wall.  
"This was just too easy", she mumbled and tied her blonde hair up to a braid. "I only had to tell this guy I would show him my gratitude if he and his comrades emptied the barrel and I got him safe on the hook. You men are so predictable."  
"Not all of us." Connor leaned against the wall in front of her and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Olivia uttered a snort.  
"Yes, of course. I'm sure Lillian has caught the only exception of this norm."  
Connor didn't reply. First of all, he knew that he wasn't so simply minded like other men and second of all, he was sure that he wasn't the only exception of this "norm" either. In the end, the weakness of these other men was their advantage at the moment. As long as they really drunk the bear.  
"It should not take so long until they are knocked out", he said and turned his eyes to the alley's end. "We will come over the roofs. Do you think you can do this?" He looked at Olivia again, who just slipped out of the skirt and hung it over a fence behind her.  
"Of course", she said and tugged at the skirt's hem. "Lillian won't be pleased when it stays here."  
Connor raised an eyebrow. "It is a skirt. She will get over it."  
"If you say so." Olivia smirked and leaned against the fence again. Silently they stayed like this for a while until Connor indicated to Olivia that she should follow him. They left the alley, went down the road and turned into the next alley to take the next chance to get onto the roofs. Olivia had some more problems with it than Connor, but soon she stood next to him close to the roof's edge and looked to Callaghan's house. They only had to climb through the tree between the two houses but for now, Connor turned his attention to the area. He could see no guards by the house. They had to be inside but he couldn't know if they all had drifted into the world of sleep by now. Now they should draw no attention to themselves.  
"Stay here. I will give you a signal when you can follow me", Connor ordered Olivia to do and before he leaped off the edge and onto the closest branch. He balanced to the trunk, pushed himself past it to run over the next branch. It ended exactly at the roof's edge of the templar's house on which Connor held to, to drop himself onto the balcony underneath it. The door was open. Carefully Connor opened it a bit more, one hand on his tomahawk. His steps caused no sound on the wooden floor of the parlour which he crossed to walk through the open into the hallway. It was deadly silent inside the house. No voices. No steps. It seemed like their plan had worked and really. As Connor took a few steps downstairs, he saw four snorting men in the narrow hallway. They had met there to enjoy the ale and now they were sitting there sleeping.  
So this is done. Now we only have to find the artefact, Connor thought and went to the balcony to give Olivia the signal.

Shortly afterwards they were both in Callaghan's study and let their gazes roam through the tidy room. It was obvious that the templar was a man of the military. Everything was in order and had a system. From the smallest pencils on the desk to the big, document-stuffed folders in the shelves which were taking up every wall in the small room.  
"So you're sure that he hasn't the artefact with him but hides it here somewhere?", Olivia asked while she pulled out a folder and opened it.  
"He feels safe here. I doubt that he is carrying the artefact with him where everyone could take it from him", Connor said and gave the blonde a warning gaze, who was still scrolling through the folder. "Concentrate on the search and be careful what you are touching. I think that a man like Callaghan knows exactly how he had left everything. He should not notice that somebody has been here."  
Olivia murmured an answer and put the folder back. Silently they began searching the study. Always careful to leave everything behind like they had found it. But they neither found the artefact, nor a hint where it could be hidden. Connor already wanted to spread the search over the other rooms, as he turned to Olivia who was just searching a commode.  
"Did you find something?", he asked.  
"No", she said slowly and closed the commode again. She turned around to him and her eyes widened. "Er...Connor?" She pointed at him and as Connor lowered his eyes, he saw the blue shine under his shirt, too. He pulled at the leather band and brought the half of the key to light, which was lightly shining from the inside. Like it had done in the mine. Following an intuition, Connor used his eagle vision and looked down on the artefact, whose blue light appeared golden now and as Connor raised his eyes and let it roam through the room, it was the same golden light he could see somewhere else. At the mount of a lamp, hanging in the middle of the room. Like a light that was falling through a crack of a door, it was only a faint strip of light but it was visible. Without paying attention to Olivia's confused expression, he pulled a chair under the lamp, climbed on it and got a closer look at the mount. It seemed like there was a small lid in it, which wasn't visible with the naked eye. Connor let his hidden blade slide out and pushed it carefully against the edge of the lid. It opened with a quiet crack and revealed the second artefact. It was covered with a white silk cloth but as Connor cleared his vision, the blue light was clearly visible through the thin fabric.  
"Incredible", Olivia murmured as he carefully took the small bundle out of the secret compartment, put it on his hand and pushed the fabrics aside. A drop-like, blue object with a fracture was inside. The exact counterpart of the artefact Connor already possessed. When he put both next to each other, they stopped shining.  
"As if they searched for and found each other", Olivia commented and Connor had to agree with her inwardly. Obviously the two halves had reacted to each other. Without the first, he wouldn't have found the other one.  
"So we got what we have come for", Connor simply said, pocketed both pieces and took out the counterfeit to wrap it into the silk and put it into the secret compartment. He closed it, climbed off the chair and put it back where it had been.  
"This was everything?" Olivia appeared to be disappointed. "I imagined it more exciting, to be honest."  
"Believe me, I am glad it went like this." In Connor's opinion, it maybe had been too easy, but in the end everything had gone according to plan. Nobody had seen them, they got the artefact and would leave no traces. Probably Callaghan wouldn't even notice that he didn't possess the real artefact anymore and while he kept searching for Ray and the other half of the key, Connor would be able to destroy both or maybe even finally reveal their secret. But until then, Olivia and he had to disappear first, as undetected as they had come.

They crossed the hallway to return to the balcony and this time Connor let Olivia go first. She climbed through the tree to the opposite roof while he stayed on the balcony, watching that they didn't get caught in the end. But everything stayed silent until he climbed onto the tree, too. He just balanced over a branch as a shout sounded from underneath him. "Damn it! Assassins!"  
Connor looked down and saw a young man, wearing the same uniform like the other guards. Their gazes met and for a split of a second, Connor felt like he was looking into the eyes of a scared deer that had detected him, the hunter, in the thicket. And like a deer, the man turned around in an instant and ran off.  
"To Stephane!", Connor shouted at Olivia and didn't wait for an answer. He jumped off the branch, rolled when he hit the ground and was on his feet in the next moment to follow the guard. He would run straight to a colleague or even to Callaghan himself. He would tell them about Connor and Olivia and the templars would become suspicious. Everything would be for nothing and that was why Connor needed to kill the man before it happened. The man had run straight to one of the main streets, probably hoping he could hide between all the people. Connor could see him between the strolling passers-by from time to time but like his pursuer, the pursued had to blaze his trail through the crowd. Connor was more skilled in doing so. His reflexes were faster, he was more trained. Within a short time, the distance between him and his target had become a lot smaller, but instead of following the street, the assassin turned right and climbed over some crates on the edge of the street. From there he jumped onto a wooden canopy of a shop and stayed on this height while using other canopies, decorations and scaffolds to move forward. Now he had clear sight on the young man who kept looking over his shoulder nervously. Connor didn't know how long it would take until he reached his destination. The assassin had to act now. He grabbed into one of his pockets on his belt and took out a small, metal throwing knife. Its blade was prepared with a poison that killed its victims within a short time. Clean and for the most part discreet, as long as Connor did it right.  
He quickened his pace, got closer to the man and waited for the right moment. Then he threw the knife. It flew through the air and hit his target's shoulder. The young man stumbled, stopped and reached out for his shoulder. Connor could see how his eyes widened as he pulled out the knife. It seemed like it hit him. The realization that he hadn't escaped the assassin. In the meantime, the poison spread through his body. He started to stagger, took some steps which brought him the sceptical gazes of other people, then he collapsed. While the people complained about this drunken idiot who dared to collapse on the street in the middle of the day, Connor climbed off his higher position and slowly went to the body. He kneeled down and took the knife out of the limp hand.  
"If you just had come a moment later", he murmured, then the assassin stood up, turned away and had blended in on Boston's streets shortly afterwards.

* * *

 **Greetings from Hungary. I am there for the next two weeks and luckily I have Wifi to update at least. :D The last two titles are very badly translated parts of a quote of Erich Kästner. And I should stop typing right now. The Hungarian keyboard is a mess for me. :D**


	52. Chapter 52

_**Dreams and visions**_

 **Lillian**  
Connor and Olivia were gone for three days and during this time, I feared that a messenger could come to my door any time, telling me that they had been arrested or worse. I didn't want to imagine what could happen if their plan failed and Callaghan caught them in his house. Especially because Connor had taken his half of the artefact with him. The templar would possess both and who knew what would happen then? Once again I drove myself crazy with concern until they finally returned in the middle of the night.  
I hadn't been able to sleep. First of all, because of my rushing thoughts and second of all, because of the heat that had backed up inside the room during the day. I had opened every window and also the door and so I heard the noises of the approaching horses and finally the front door. I kicked myself free from the blanket which I had only wrapped around my legs and left the room with quiet steps. When I walked downstairs, I could see the light coming from the kitchen. There Connor was leaning against the table and turned, chewing slowly, a bitten apple in his hand. He looked thoughtful and shortly I asked myself, if his trip to Boston had been for nothing. But at least it didn't look like he was injured. When Connor noticed me standing in the door frame, he turned his eyes at me and lowered the apple.  
"You are still up?", he asked and watched me stepping to him, sitting down next to him on the table top and dangling my bare toes over the wooden floor.  
"I couldn't sleep", I said and reached out a hand for the apple. "May I?" He nodded and gave me the apple from which I took a hearty bite only to screw up my face. "It's sour."  
"I know. I like them like this." A smirk flitted across Connor's face and he took the apple from me while I started kneading my jaw.  
"Everything's contracting."  
Connor chuckled and so I had at least managed it to make him stop looking so serious. At least for now.  
"Did everything go well?", I asked quietly while Connor bit into the apple again and made me wait for an answer like that. But he had this look again that made me doubt about a positive answer. At least it didn't turn out to be entirely negative.  
"Everything went according to plan", Connor started. "The guards were drugged, we could enter the house, found the artefact and left again. But when we just wanted to get away, a guard appeared unexpectedly. The man saw us and ran off to get help."  
"And you stopped him", I added when he didn't speak for a moment. Connor nodded and put the apple back to his mouth without biting into it. It looked like he was thinking shortly, then he lowered the fruit again.  
"I had to", he said but there was bitterness in his voice. "Everything would have been for nothing if he had reached somebody. But I would have preferred it if nobody had died today."  
You could read in Connor's face that it was troubling him and I could understand him. Assassin or not, Connor never killed thoughtlessly and judged no life less worthy than another. He had told me that his mentor Achilles always had used to say that such sacrifices should never be easy for him and they weren't. But still he had often been forced to make such decisions and although he was now angry about this incident, which he probably saw as some sort of failing of his plans, he would pull himself together again to look forward. If he would sorrow about every life he extinguished, it probably had destroyed him already.  
"You did the right thing", I said and put a hand on his cheek. "You stopped Callaghan from getting both halves and abusing them for his purposes. What you did wasn't for nothing."  
"I know", Connor said quietly. "But right now it is difficult for me to see it this way."  
"And I would question you if it would be different." I smiled softly, following the line of his cheekbone with my thumb. There were enough people who didn't attach importance to the lives of others and who didn't care when they ended one. Connor didn't belong to them and I was very glad about it. In all these years he had spent with fighting, he had never lost his humanity and I was sure that he never would.  
"But are you well beside that?", I asked and lowered my hand again. "Do you need anything? There is something left from dinner. I could warm it up for you, if you want."  
Connor shook his head and laid his free hand onto mine. "Do not make the effort. The apple is enough and basically I only want to go to bed." He gave me a forced smile and I smirked.  
"I don't want to stop you then. I'll go upstairs." I leaned forward, shortly kissed his lips and was glad that he didn't look as thoughtful as before. He would calm down soon, I knew it.

Upstairs in the bedroom, the temperature was more bearable by now which was probably because it had been much warmer in the kitchen, because of the fire in the hearth that had burned the whole day. I stepped to the bedside table, turned on the lamp and carried it to the washstand to prepare it for Connor. I poured water into the bowl, put a towel and soap beside it and went to the bed where I – in an exaggerated touch of care – fluffed up the pillows and the blanket. Then I crawled into the bed, pulled my legs under my body and waited. It took a while until I heard Connor's quiet steps approaching the open door and he came in. He had taken off his weapons and his coat which hang over his arm and he smirked as he saw me sitting on the bed.  
"And you are still up", he said and hang the heavy coat over a chair before sitting down and starting to put off his leather legwarmers and shoes.  
"I just want to make sure that you get your well deserved sleep." I silently waited until he finally slipped out of his upper clothes and pants, put on a new pair of trousers and started washing himself then. I kept looking at the blanket in front of me which I only tugged on, until I raised my eyes and asked: "Did you notice anything since you got the other artefact? Did anything...happen?"  
Connor, who had just scooped some water over his arms, paused in the movement and looked at me through the mirror of the washstand.  
"Not directly", he answered. "While we were searching for the one half, the other started to shine and I was able to find the counterpart. It was as if they reacted to each other but when I had both of them, their lights went out and nothing happened since then."  
"And did you put them together once?"  
He nodded. "But nothing. No shining or anything suspicious." Connor turned to his body care again but he shortly pointed at his coat. "Look at them if you want to. They are in my pocket."  
He didn't need to ask me twice. Now getting curious, I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and went to the chair he had hung his robes over. I felt the rough, heavy fabric with both hands until I found said pocket. I grabbed inside and took out two small, blue objects. Both pieces of the key. Carefully, because I was actually afraid of them, I took them, stepped to the washstand and carefully put them onto the top to look at them in the light of the lamp. Right on the first sight you could notice that their broken edges fitted and so I pushed them together. To be honest, despite Connor's telling I expected something special. Maybe a light. Or even a magical merging of their edges. But nothing happened. They just lay next to each other, still separated. A snort escaped my lips. All the effort for a complete key, all these mystical stories about this thing and then nothing happened when you brought the pieces together?  
"You expected more, too, did you not?", asked Connor who had watched me the whole time and I nodded.  
"Maybe this thing became useless after it broke apart. Which lock is supposed to get opened by a broken key?"  
"Who knows what sort of lock it is?", Connor replied and grabbed the towel to dry himself. Thoughtfully I looked at the two artefacts. Maybe it was good that nothing happened. After everything Xaman Ek had told us about objects that were able to control people, this artefact could have developed some kind of dangerous powers after its recomposition. In the end, I only wanted to get rid of it. But how did you destroy something you didn't know anything about? I took both halves into each hand and looked at them as if I could find something special about them now. Something I hadn't noticed before. But apparently this try was for nothing right from the beginning. I sighed quietly as Connor's arm wrapped around my hip and he leaned his forehead against my head.  
"Do not think about it now. We should..."  
I didn't hear anymore, what we should do, because in retrospect it seemed like my memories about Connor's words and the seconds after them were deleted from my memory. As if my mind had made a huge jump over every passing second. The only thing I could remember next, was that I suddenly didn't stand straight anymore but was kneeling on the floor without knowing why. I didn't feel dizzy neither somehow dazed, but Connor's arms were tightly wrapped around my torso as if he had and wanted to hold me. He was kneeling next to me and stared at me as if I was a ghost.  
"Are you well?", he asked concerned and gained a confused frown.  
"Yes, but...why are we kneeling on the floor?"  
"So you do not know what happened? Or what you said?"  
"No. I didn't say anything. You were the one who just wanted to tell me something and then we were sitting here." I didn't understand anything anymore and became anxious in face of Connor's tensed expression. I tried to figure out what might have happened but there was nothing. Only this strange leap in time, or however you wanted to call it. As Connor's eyes moved to my hands, I followed them and froze as I slowly started to understand. I held both artefacts firmly in my hands. So firm that my knuckles had turned white but I hadn't even noticed this tensed posture. Now I slowly opened my hands and looked at the pieces of the key which were lying there entirely inconspicuously.  
"The same happened to you as it had happened to Ray", Connor began to explain. "You suddenly collapsed and...started to speak."  
An icy shiver ran down my spine as Connor confirmed my premonition. Xaman Ek had said that the artefact needed something like a medium to pass its knowledge. So had I really become the mouthpiece of a tiny object? But if I had acted like Ray, it had to be like that and it was probably the explanation why Ray had been capable of acting so quickly after his trance. He hadn't had any memory of it and had felt as normal as I did. There had never been an interruption of his fight with Connor for him.  
Quickly but with shaking hands, I put the pieces back onto the washstand. I never wanted to touch them again and as if I had to stop myself from it, I wrapped my arms around my torso. Connor had already loosened the grip of his arms around me, but still held me tight as if he feared I could pass out again.  
"What...did I say?", I asked the question that was dominating my mind at the moment. "The same like Ray?"  
"Among other things", Connor answered and took a deep breath before reciting. "The right path is shown through blood. Where this was once banned, you will find the maze's gate in the god's hand. Guardian, step through the gate. Follow corridor after corridor, will get lost in this place. But brave guardian, be sure, the path of death is always the right one to choose."  
A riddle? The secret behind the key was a riddle? Ray's words probably had suggested it, but to hear the entire text now was totally confusing.  
"I didn't say anything about where the temple is which the key is supposed to open?"  
Connor shook his head. "But I guess that the answer is behind the lines. But you said something else and it was much clearer."  
I raised an eyebrow as he stopped talking at this point. He didn't appear to be certain about what he had just heard. "You said, I have to find the apple on Mount Vernon first", he finally said, but in contrary to him, who had only frowned with the mentioning of this place, I didn't understand what was behind this request.  
"Where is this Mount Vernon?"  
"In Virginia. Mount Vernon is the name of the Washington's country estate. George Washington's retirement home."

* * *

After the incident with my involuntary collapse, Connor and I hadn't come to rest at first. We had talked for long about everything, the riddle and also the request to get the apple from Mount Vernon. Until now we hadn't known which Piece of Eden could be in the temple the key was unlocking, but Connor had already expected an Apple of Eden behind it and now it was confirmed. But it wasn't explained how it got into George Washington's possession while you couldn't enter the temple, according to Xaman Ek. But in one thing, we agreed to each other: It had to be sure if the Apple was in Washington's possession or if we were misinterpreting the key's...my words. Right on the next day, Connor sent a messenger to Virginia, to ask for a privy conversation with the former commander. I had needed to talk him into writing this message because Connor had been close to travel to Mount Vernon immediately. He wanted to get over and done with this matter as soon as possible and in the face of his opinion about Washington, I could understand it very well. But certainly it wasn't to our advantage to irritate Washington somehow and so we waited for an answer which needed more than a month to reach us. Washington invited Connor warmly and was already looking forward to the conversation.  
For Connor, who had kept the Aquila and its crew ready, it was instantly clear that he wanted to set off immediately. Only one day after the invitation's arrival, he was standing at the pier and watched his men's last preparations for the journey. As he heard my steps on the wooden planks behind him, he turned around and frowned deeply as he noticed the small suitcase in my hand.  
"What are you planning?", he asked suspiciously as I stopped in front of him, Emily at my other hand.  
"What does it look like? We're coming with you." For me, it was an already made and irrefutable decision. I wanted to stand by Connor's side when he met the man who was responsible for his mother's and so many other natives' death. "I don't want you to face him alone. You're already beside yourself when you're only hearing his name."  
"Do you think I will attack him?", Connor snorted, but I shook my head reassuringly. As much as Connor was hating Washington, as less I doubted that he could lose his temper.  
"I just want to be by your side. I want you to know that you're not alone when you're meeting him."  
"I will be fine, Lillian. You do not need to worry."  
"I know, but please let me be with you. If not for yourself then...for my own peace of mind?" I smiled and despite the snort Connor uttered, he didn't appear as resolute as before. His gaze shortly moved to the Aquila where the crew was already waiting for him to come on board. Then he looked at me again.  
"If this was not only about a conversation, I would leave you here", he made clear and I nodded smirking. I knew too well that he wouldn't take me somewhere dangerous. Connor shortly nodded, too and stepped to me to lift Emily onto his arms and take the suitcase from me. Together we entered the Aquila and set sail shortly afterwards.

* * *

"Do I look like a wet nurse?" Faulkner crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at me indignantly why I was giving him my most radiant smile.  
"No, you're looking like one of the most trustful persons I know and somebody you can trust with your life if necessary."  
Faulkner snorted. "Nice flatteries."  
"Please, Bobby. Emily just fell asleep and you only have to keep an eye on her. We're only gone for one or two hours at most and if something should be wrong, you can send somebody for me. Furthermore Caleb is here, too. Please, do me the favour."  
The old sailor still looked at me with raised eyebrows and finally looked shortly at Connor, who was standing at the railing, waiting for me. Then he mumbled: "Be glad that I like the little mite so much."  
"Thank you, you're such a sweetheart!" I stepped to him and kissed his cheek which at least elicited him a chuckle. I grinned and turned to Connor. He looked terribly tensed. We had arrived at the small pier on Washington's property after a week and the conversation with the former commander was imminent. No one of us knew what was awaiting us, but I knew that Connor just wanted to get over and done with it.  
"Are you sure you do not want to stay here?", he asked me, looking at Faulkner. I nodded.  
"They will be fine. Emily doesn't need me as much as someone else at the moment."  
Connor didn't say anything. He just looked at me and offered me his arm. When I linked arms with him, he shortly embraced my hand with his and squeezed it gently, a silent sign of his appreciation for my decision. Together we went down the Aquila's plank and entered the pier where a dark-skinned man was already waiting for us and bowed as we stopped in front of him.  
"Master Kenway, I assume? And...?" He gave a questioning look into my direction. Obviously he had been told about only one visitor.  
"My wife, Lillian", Connor simply said and immediately the man nodded hectically.  
"Of course. I welcome you on Mount Vernon, Sir, Ma'am. My name is Frederic. If you would follow me? Mr Washington is already awaiting you."  
Quickly he left the pier and led us over a broad, trodden path which was winding up a hill past several houses. Curiously I looked around and was amazed by the bustle here. It almost reminded me of Davenport.  
"Does all of this belong to the estate?", I asked Frederic, who gave me a short glance over his shoulder and nodded. "Everything you see belongs to the property of the Washingtons."  
Again I regarded my environment with amazement. I saw extensive fields and even a plantation in the distance, but it was impossible to see what was growing there. I had never seen before that someone was owning so much land.  
"It is very impressive", I said while we approached a small group of trees and a high stone wall behind it. Probably it was separating the main residence from the property. Frederic nodded again.  
"It is indeed. This land belongs to the Washingtons for generations. Since he inherited Mount Vernon from his brother – may God rest his soul – Mr Washington invested much money and heart to expanse and embellish everything. The gardens, the outbuildings, the manor itself. He let everything renovate and isn't finished with it yet."  
From now on we were silent while passing the iron-gate and approaching a huge, green-panelled house. It probably had twice the size of our house in Davenport. Window-frames, doors, veranda-posts and decorations were shining in a spotless white and everywhere around the house were blossoming flowers and bushes. Everything was so neat and – as I had said before – impressive. It was unmistakable that George Washington had spent a lot of money here and although I couldn't hold back my amazement, I could also understand Connor sceptical gaze with which he was looking at everything. Washington owned so much land while he had taken the same from people somewhere else. Also the land Connor's people had lived on. Now seeing all this had to be a bitter irony for him. I laid my hand on his and our gazes shortly met, before Frederic led us up the stairs to the front door, where an elder man in a dark-blue justaucorps with golden fittings was already waiting for us. His waistcoat, breeches and shirt were perfectly white, his black polished shoes were shining, his white wig likewise neat. I knew that this man was George Washington before he was even introduced to me. His appearance and straight posture alone told about his military past and his high rank in society. He was aware of it, but I found the smile he was giving to us friendly and pleasant. But still I didn't forget who he was for Connor. Frederic pointed at him now.  
"Master Kenway and his wife Mrs Lillian Kenway, Sir."  
"I already know the young Master Kenway, Frederic. But what an unexpected pleasure to meet you, Mrs Kenway. My belated congratulations on your wedding." Washington walked to us and bowed his head into my direction. I did the same and replied politely: "Thank you, Sir. It is also a pleasure to meet you."  
He smiled and now stepped to Connor, reaching his hand out which Connor only stared at before taking it. Washington's smile had shortly wavered and I was sure that I had seen uneasiness in his eyes. But you could hear nothing about it in his voice. "I'm really glad to see you after all these years. I have to say that I was surprised by your message."  
"I have to talk to you about something urgent and confidential and we should not waste time." Connor's voice sounded firm and neutral, but there was a coldness and hardness in his eyes that didn't escape Washington's notice either. He nodded slowly. "Of course. As you wish."  
He indicated to us that we should follow him and led us into a huge, lavishly decorated entrance hall. Apparently the expensive work outside had been continued inside.  
"Mrs Kenway, I will send for my wife. She can show you the gardens while Connor and I talk to each other", Washington said to me, as he stopped at a broad staircase. But before I was able to answer, Connor already did it for me.  
"She will stay with us. It also affects her. Furthermore I do not intend to deprive her of information."  
Something about his voice made me believe that this wasn't only about me for a moment, but nothing had changed about Connor's cold attitude. None of his feelings came to light. Washington appeared confused but he nodded slowly and pointed upstairs.  
"Follow me then. Frederic, make sure that nobody disturbs us in my study."  
"Of course, Sir." Frederic bowed shortly and disappeared through one of the many doors in the entrance hall.

Washington led us to the upper floor and through a long hallway into a spacious study, where he pulled an additional chair to the desk and offered me it. Gratefully I sat down and after Connor had taken a seat beside me, Washington sat down in front of us. He propped up his arms on the armrests of his chair, put his palms together and looked at Connor expectantly but very friendly.  
"Well, what is it you want to talk to me about so urgently?"  
"I received information that you got into possession of a certain object", Connor began, forthright as always. "It is called Apple of Eden and it is an artefact of unusual origin. It is dangerous and if you have it, I would ask you to give it to me so that I can defang it."  
It seemed like these words were too forthright for Washington. Now he appeared totally confused and looked at Connor as if he wanted to ask him if he was joking about him. But of course he didn't and Washington quickly realized it. An uneasy laugh escaped him.  
"I've never heard of such an object", he said, but there was an undertone in his voice that made me doubt his words and not only me. Connor leaned a bit forward, propping his forearms on his knees and giving Washington an intense look.  
"This time you have to tell me the truth. It is very important. Do you possess an object that is almost round, made of an unusual metal, probably decorated with some engravings? Maybe you even noticed something strange about it. Tell me the truth."  
Washington seemed to know very well what Connor was hinting at when he asked him for the truth this time. He wasn't stupid and although he had never lost a word of apologize until now and certainly never would, he seemed to be very aware of his betrayal. He appeared troubled, probably remembering who he was talking to. Connor had accompanied him for a long time during war and so Washington knew what he was capable of. For some silent seconds, his eyes were focussing the polished table top before he rose from his chair and stepped to a commode on the other side of the room. He opened one of its drawers and took out a wooden chest of the size of a hatbox. He appeared to be unsure as he turned to us again.  
"And this conversation is confidential? No word gets outside?"  
"You have my word and I guarantee for Lillian's secrecy."  
Washington nodded, although not quite reassured. Nevertheless he opened the chest and I audibly gasped as he actually took out a round object. It had about the size of the leather ball Caleb and his friends used to play with, but it was made of a solid, almost copper coloured metal. Deep engravings winded over the whole Apple. It was no object of special beauty but I believed that its power was noticeable. Connor regarded the Apple, too which Washington laid onto the table now, before sitting down again. But I saw some kind of recognition in Connor's eyes.  
"I bought him from a merchant for artwork who bought it from another merchant. I thought it was only unique. But it's in my possession for a year now and since then I'm having...dreams. I didn't know if they were coming from the object, I thought I was becoming crazy. But after what you've told me..."  
"What kind of dreams?", Connor asked without raising his eyes from the Apple.  
"I don't know how to describe them, but...they're terrible, totally abstruse but at the same time, they feel incredibly real." Washington leaned a bit forward and pointed at the Piece of Eden. "If these visions are coming from this thing, I will trustfully give it into your hands. I'm sure you can defang it."  
"I do not know if this will be so easy." Connor raised his hand and reached it out for the Apple of Eden, but at the same moment I tore my own hand up and wanted to stop him. All this talking about scary visions had made me afraid of these unknown powers and their consequences which were coming from these objects. The memories of the events about the Shroud were still too clear in my memory so that I just wanted to stop Connor from getting closer to this Piece of Eden than it was necessary. But I wasn't able to.  
As I touched Connor hand and the Apple of Eden with it, it felt like the floor was torn from underneath my feet. My vision blurred, faded and left me in total darkness until images flared-up all of the sudden. They were memories. I saw Emily, walking at Connor's hand towards the stable and to Cherry. Then I saw Connor, lying in bed with his broken ribs. Then Ray, talking to me in front of our house. Emily's birth, Connor's and my wedding, my travel to America...all these images appeared and disappeared as quickly as they had become visible. They were torn away from me into the darkness. As if my life was passing by and disappearing in front of my eyes. But then it became dark around me once more. When I woke up again, everything had changed.


	53. Chapter 53

_**Please check the end of the chapter for notes ;)**_

* * *

 **The awakening (1)**

Sunlight, dimmed by curtains, irritated my eyes as I opened them. My vision was blurred and a dull feeling of dizziness affected my senses, too. But still I realized that I was lying in the bed of an unknown room. Shortly I asked myself if I had imagined this feeling after touching the Apple of Eden and if I had become unconscious, for whatever reasons. Maybe they had brought me into a guestroom, but this room was so plain that I got doubts that I was still on Washington's estate. But where else should I be?  
I slowly sat up and waited for the upcoming dizziness to fade again before swinging my legs over the edge of the bed and standing up. Confused I looked down at myself. I was only wearing a night gown and long, sleek strands of my hair fell down to my waist. But I had never let it grow over my shoulder blades over the last couple of years. A strange feeling seized me, but I tried to supress it. Until I stepped to the window and pushed the curtains aside. The light of the afternoon's sun blinded me at first but soon I was able to see the world outside. I was looking down at a broad, unpaved street which was leading straight past a few houses. Behind the houses was a dense forest whose trees were already wearing the first colourful leaves of autumn. Only a few people were walking over the street, their heads down. But beside them, there was no life. No playing children, no straying animals, no working adults. Until now Washington's estate had appeared far more lively. But something inside me was already sure, that I wasn't on Mount Vernon anymore. How had I come into this room? Why was I wearing a night gown and above all: Why was my hair longer than I remembered it?  
A quiet groan escaped my lips as I was seized by the dizziness again and I sank down on the edge of the bed. It felt like a storm was rushing through my thoughts, mixing everything up.  
 _I need to find Connor. I need to know where I am,_ I thought and had just stood up, as there was a knock on the door.  
"Yes?" I hoped it was Connor who would come in. Or somebody else I knew. But as the door opened, the entering person looked familiar, but she was the last person I had expected.  
"Anya? What...what are you doing here? How did you come here?"  
She frowned and looked me over in concern. "I was downstairs the whole time, Miss. I always kept looking after you, but now your uncle wants you to get dressed. He doesn't want to wait with the departure any longer."  
It felt as if an icy fist was seizing my hear. "My...uncle?" I had wasted no thought on him for so long now. His death had been a relief, although it was cruel to say something like this about a relative. But Richard certainly belonged to the last persons I missed in my life. But what did it mean that Anya was talkig about him right now? The dark skinned young woman of whom I had thought she was a free woman by now, was now standing in front me with the same submissive attitude she had always used to have in my presence. Until the day when Connor had come to us and had freed her and the other slaves.  
"You are still not well", Anya said and stepped to me. "You are pale. Shall I bring you something before I help you to get dressed?"  
I said nothing but only shook my head. No, I wasn't fine but it had other reasons than she might thought it had. This had to me a dream. There was no other explanation after all, but I would prefer to wake up now. I didn't. Even when I pinched my arm like a child, unseen by Anya. But I tried to talk myself into believing that I would wake up sooner or later. Until then I had to act like everything was a matter of course for me. I let Anya help me to get dressed and let her prepare me until the mirror showed me the Lillian of whom I had thought wouldn't appear so quickly again. So much had happened over the last three years and now it had got set back at one go.

"You should go downstairs. I will pack your things."  
I raised my eyes which had slid down to my hands by now and watched Anya through the mirror, how she tidily folded my nightgown. I shortly considered asking her what was happening, but I doubted that I would get a satisfying answer. So I decided to do what she had said. I rose from the chair and left the room. Obviously we were in an inn. Quite simple but neat. But I still didn't know where I was exactly. I didn't get the chance to think about it either. As I went down the stairs into the dining area, a voice sounded which I unfortunately remembered too well.  
"There you are at last."  
It felt like every muscle in my body tensed, ready for an escape anytime. But still I kept my steps as calm as possible as I went down the last stairs and finally to one of the tables in the almost empty tavern. There he sat. Richard. My hated uncle who had killed himself in front of my eyes three years ago to keep himself from giving Connor any information. I still remembered it well. But now he was sitting in front of me and gave me one of these contemptuous gazes he had always used to give me. As if I was as less worth as the dirt to his feet. Richard pointed at a bowl opposite to him which obviously contained some kind of stew.  
"Eat and then we're going to leave at last. If it's cold, it's your fault. I won't order another one. Bad enough that I had to pay the room for another day. I hope you won't keep hindering us with one of these ridiculous dizzy spells which you women always have."  
Basically I didn't know what he was talking about, but his words had been enough to finally awake the hatred and anger I felt for him. I had almost forgotten how repugnant Richard really was.  
I took the bowl and pushed it into his direction. Richard had looked at the newspaper in his hands but now his attention turned to me.  
"Thank you. I just lost my appetite", I said coldly. Richard stared at me as if I had spilled the stew into his face. A snort, like the one of a ponderous ox sounded as he slammed the newspaper onto the table top.  
"Do you think I spend my money for nothing? Don't make a fuss and eat." He pushed the bowl back to me and wanted to grab the newspaper again, but I pulled it away which only confused him at first. But I didn't let him put me off. Not anymore.  
"I think you're talking about my money. As long as there is still something left of it." I noticed with satisfaction, how Richard's eyes widened in a moment of dumbfoundness. But then his face turned red, his already small eyes became narrow and he hissed: "What are you talking about?"  
"You know exactly what I'm talking about", I hissed back and leaned to him while propping up my hands on the table. Ow he had to look up to me because he was still sitting and it felt incredibly good. "I'm talking about my parent's money. My heritage. My money. The reason why I was forced to live with you."  
Now I had completely put Richard off his stride. Never I had dared to talk to him like this. I had always kept my head down in his presence, but I certainly wasn't like this anymore and I wanted him to notice. When I was standing so real in front of me in this dream, I wanted to tell him everything which had accumulated in about fifteen years and it was a lot.  
Richard's face had taken on the colour of an overripe tomato and he heaved his quite heavy body up in a jerk so that we were now on eye-level. Unmoved I returned his gaze which obviously irritated him even more. Even his moustache began to twitch.  
"Guard your tongue, wench", he growled and raised his finger threateningly. "You should thank me. I was the only one back then, who wanted to take in you little brat. Without me, you would have ended up in an orphanage and what do you think where you would be now? Probably married to some farmer, pressing umpteen children for him, so be careful what you're saying! I could throw you out and what then? Then you're alone and you have nothing left."  
An evil grin appeared on his face and basically he was right. I had completely depended on him but by now I knew it better. So I returned his grin with a light smile which confused Richard noticeably, before he stared at me furiously.  
"Believe me, by now I would be satisfied with nothing, as long as I don't have to bear a repugnant vulture like you."  
It seemed like these words were too much. Silence inside the tavern where we were the only guests. The innkeeper had disappeared somewhere behind the bar, shortly after I had come in. The tension between Richard and me was tangible until it tore apart all of the sudden. I only saw my uncle raising his hand as she already hit my left cheek. I honestly hadn't expected that he would hit me, no matter what I said. He had never hit me. Roughly grabbed, yes but never hit. Totally taken off guard, I stumbled sideward and had to hold on the table to keep me from falling. My cheek ached and the skin felt hot as I laid my hand on it. An unpleasant throbbing spread in the left side of my face, but I couldn't help myself. I laughed.  
At first it was only a faint twitch running through my shoulders and making Richard believe that I was crying.  
"Serves you right, wrench", he hissed but then a giggle escaped my lips. Quiet but clearly audible in the empty room. The quiet giggle became quiet laugh and then I was laughing my head off. You must think I had lost my mind but I couldn't help myself. This whole situation was so absurd. I was standing in front of my dead uncle, told him the whole truth about him and his only way out was to hit me.  
"A coward", I uttered between laughter. "You're such a coward, I can't believe how I could have ever been afraid of you." I straightened up and looked at Richard, who only stared at me dumbfounded. "A coward without honour, that is what you are. You are a man of great words, playing with the power you apparently have. But as soon as you are without any of this, you're only a miserable pile of filth. Full of fear and even up to the most desperate means to save your own skin. You are pathetic." I practically spit the last words at him. Obviously Richard didn't know what to say for a moment. He had never expected me to rise up against him and it apparently hurt his pride. He practically fluffed up himself like a turkey, raised his finger to this ridiculous threatening gesture and opened his mouth to say something. But he couldn't.

Suddenly the inn's door was slammed open and a man stormed in. Pale, his eyes wide and obviously full of fear.  
"They're coming!", he shouted and the innkeeper ran in. "Are you sure?" He appeared frightened, too and as I looked at my uncle, his anger had also vanished. He stared back and forth between the two men, while the one who had come in nodded hectically.  
"Magnus saw them as he worked on the field. They have a cart with them again. Terrence said everyone should gather on the village square. Our guests, too." His gaze slid to us but my uncle shook his head vigorously.  
"We have nothing to do with your problems. We're only on the journey through and we will go immediately before they arrive." He grabbed my arm and yelled a short order to Anya, who just came down the staircase. She hurried up to follow us as Richard dragged me to the door and pushed us past the man standing there.  
"You won't be able to. They are almost here and will send riders after you, when they see you driving away", he said and looked seriously worried. But Richard waved aside while approaching our carriage, but stopped abruptly. "Where are my men?"  
"Took off", the man said shortly, leaving the inn with the innkeeper and his family. "They made it but you have to stay."  
"We don't!" Richard's voice sounded almost hysterical. "I always did and paid what they wanted. I have nothing to do with your debts."  
"You know that it doesn't matter."  
I saw that Richard wanted to reply something but at this moment, the sound of a horn echoed over the street. In an instant, the villagers hurried to a broad square, as well as many other people who stormed out of their houses. I was full of confusion and almost paralysed. I finally didn't understand what was going on at all and I also couldn't understand the fear which was lying over the village like a heavy blanket. Richard and Anya were scared, too as they looked up the street and as I followed their example, I saw about fifteen soldiers, on horse and on foot approaching the village. They were all wearing the patriot's uniform and I didn't wonder about it. But one of them was carrying a banner. I had never seen its emblem before but recognized it anyway, even if I couldn't understand its meaning. It showed the golden contours of the Apple of Eden on blue fabric.  
"Whom they do belong to?", I asked but didn't get an answer. Again I was grabbed at my arm by Richard and he hurriedly dragged me to the square where the villagers had gathered. While I had noticed the fear before, I could now see it. Crying children had snuggled up to their mothers who gave helpless gazes to their men who obviously tried to look confident. But nobody here was feeling confidence. Maybe forty people were on the square, but you could hear nothing but the crying of children, whispered prayers and the sounds of the approaching soldiers.  
"What is going on here?", I tried to ask again but Richard only indicated rudely to me that I should stay silent. Like the others I stared at the soldiers who were reaching the square now. Four men surrounded the square with their horses, blocking the access and the escape ways with them. The remaining soldiers on foot took position in front of us like an impervious wall, two prison carts between them, but they were empty. A man, also on horseback and in the clothes of a high ranked officer, steered his horse in front and stopped, looking at the villagers with contempt.  
"Who's your leader?", he asked in a harsh voice accustomed to give orders.  
"I am. Terrence Caine." An old man, limping and supported by a cane, stepped forward and was punished with more contempt by the officer.  
"Well, Mr Terrence Caine. I do not think I have to explain why we're here."  
"No, Sir. But we already paid our levies in this quarter. We gave everything we had to the crown and cannot give more. There would be nothing left to live. I beg you, Sir."  
"You confuse me, Mr Caine." A spiteful smile appeared on the officer's lips. "You said you had nothing and that you would have nothing left to live. But that means you do have something left. I don't like such lies, Mr Caine."  
"It was no lie, Sir! I mean...we have to live from something after all."  
"No, you just don't want to do what the crown says and I think I do not have to explain what you all become in the eyes of the crown because of this."  
Another, scary silence spread over the square in which the families got closer to each other, the fear in the villagers' faces grew and I finally didn't know what to think about this dream. It made no sense. England had lost the war for the colonies years ago and apart from that, the blue coats wouldn't have worked for the British crown. The freed colonies had no king and certainly didn't threaten their inhabitants to make them pay horrendous taxes. The patriots had fought to escape the monarchy and its chains. So this situation was entirely absurd. But it became even worse.

As the officer received no answer, he squared his shoulders and grinned maliciously. "I know how to make you take out your purses." He gave a signal to some of his men. "Round up the women and the children."  
Before I knew what happened, the situation on the square became chaotic. Names were desperately called as the soldiers began to obey the order. They separated the women and children from their family heads who could only watch helplessly. I was also roughly grabbed by a soldier, dragged away from Richard and pushed to the other women and their children, as well as Anya. We were round up like cattle. Cattle round up for the butcher and it turned out that this comparison wasn't wrong.  
"This is how we do it", the officer said, noticeably pleased. "We will take your women and brats forward, one after another. Whoever recognizes his family steps forward, pays his debt and is allowed to embrace them again. Whoever doesn't pay...well...certainly won't be angry if he doesn't have to feed anyone anymore, right?"  
The villagers didn't answer. Apparently they had already surrendered to their fate which I didn't understand. After a silent signal of the officer, a woman and her three children were pushed forward. A bearded man stepped out of the villager's rows in an instant and went to the soldier who was responsible for the finances. I saw him submitting a significant number of coins, before his wife and children were released. I heard the woman sobbing in relief as she ran to her husband and was pulled into his arms. All of this had happened without words and the woman had hardly been released as another one was dragged forward. She was very young, maybe in her early twenties and her hands were lying on the roundness of her belly which was visible despite her large blouse. She was terribly pale, her eyes red from crying and turned at a young man, who hurried forward.  
"I am sorry, Sir. I have no money left I could give to you but I'm begging you: My wife is pregnant."  
"I can see that", the officer replied coldly. "But it doesn't free you from your duty. Everyone has to play their part and if you don't, you have to be punished, or in this case: Your wife. So, do you pay or not?"  
The young man's helpless gaze moved to his wife, who started to sob quietly and pressed her shaking hands against her belly.  
"Not, I assume." The officer nodded to his men, whereupon one of them put the now crying woman into chains and led her to the edge of the square, where three gunmen were already waiting for their cue. The young man tried to get to his wife. He desperately called her name but was stopped by other villagers. They looked aggrieved, but nobody did anything.  
"This is wrong", I whispered, so quiet that only Anya could hear me and gave me a scared gaze. But before she could stop me and the soldiers could grab the next woman, I had stepped forward. "You have no right to do this!", I called out and got everybody's attention in an instant. The officer looked at me disbelievingly, but then a mocking smile curled his lips.  
"Oh, really? And what makes you think that, Milady?"  
"These are free men and women. They don't owe anything to anybody."  
The officer laughed. "Hear ye, hear ye. You have an interesting opinion. But..." His smile became cold. "...it makes you a traitor of the crown and I could sentence you to death right now. Unless you reconsider your words."  
I just wanted to reply that I certainly wouldn't, as my uncle stepped forward. "Don't listen to her", he said and respectfully bowed his head in front of the officer, who pretended to be interested as he looked at him. "Richard Jarvis. I have to apologize for my niece. Unfortunately she is very dumb. Doesn't know what she's saying. You shouldn't pay attention to her."  
"Oh, should I? Well, it seems like you haven't raised your niece well enough if she's uttering such defamations about his majesty."  
Richard bowed his head again. "And I apologize for it. You know, where only on the journey through. We live far outside but be assured: I'm a loyal supporter of our king."  
"If you really are, Mr Jarvis, you shouldn't mind paying your debt, too. No matter if you are on the journey through or not. Especially after your niece's words, you should prove your loyalty."  
Richard's eyes widened and I was sure that he would contradict. I thought that he would rather let them shoot me before giving them some of his beloved money. But he actually bowed his head.  
"I would like to do it. But my purse is still in the inn we're staying in."  
Of course. A brilliant excuse. I knew too well that Richard always had his money with him. But the officer gave a soldier a signal and said: "Accompany Mr Jarvis so that he can get his money and ransom his niece."  
Richard became pale but bowed hectically while the soldier led him to the inn. Silently I looked after him while the officer's eyes turned back to me. He didn't say anything but only stared at me, until a shout sounded from the inn. I only saw Richard storming out of the building. Then a shot sounded and my uncle fell to the ground, apparently dead. I had known that he would try to safe his own skin. The best thing he was able to do.

Unmoved I watched the returning of the soldier, who took position in front of the officer, saluted and said: "He wanted to flee, Sir. I had to shoot."  
"And it was a good job. Dismissed." The officer's eyes turned to me once again and he smiled maliciously. "Well, Miss...Jarvis. Now you have to bear yours and your uncles debt. Actually your punishment has to be worse than the simple execution by shooting. But this is my good day. Your slave will be brought to her rightful purpose. Don't worry."  
After his signal I was grabbed and my hands were chained up behind my back before they pushed me to the pregnant woman, who was silently waiting for her fate. Every kind of protest got stuck in my throat. This was so wrong. Totally unreal, although everything felt so terrifyingly real. From Richard's slap which I could still feel on my cheek to the cold and scrubbing metal around my wrists. Never before I'd had such a realistic dream and slowly I began to feel fear. The fear you still feel in your subconscious mind while you wished to wake up. The fear you could still feel when you were finally awake, lying in bed with a rushing heartbeat, still hunted by the images of the dream. I wished this would happen to me now. That I woke up, in a familiar environment, with a blanket I could wrap myself into before I tried to fall asleep again. But nothing happened.  
I had to watch how Anya was dragged to the prison cart while another woman and her children had to step forward. Her husband went to the soldier responsible, but as he just wanted to pay, it became chaotic again. At first there was only the lowing of cows and finally their stomping which came nearer and nearer until they came running down the street. It was only a small herd with about a dozen animals but this dozen was enough to scare the horses of the soldiers and to draw everybody's attention to them. The soldiers on the outer edge of the square shouted appalled as they had to avoid the first animals. They were totally overstrained by this unexpected situation and rushed away like a horde of scared rats. Their officer was also busy with keeping the control over his horse and his men, who were supposed to do the same with the situation, but they were far from doing so. The villagers had also avoided the animals who were now crossing the square. As one of the animals ran towards the pregnant woman and me, I warned her and we could jump aside in time before the animal stomped past us. The young woman fell to the ground and couldn't sit up because of her bound hands. I wanted to get to her to help her, only to failed because of my own chains. But suddenly another woman appeared next to the pregnant, grabbed her arm and pulled her to her feet before helping me up, too. She was no villager. She was a native who pointed at the edge of the village and said in perfect English: "You need to get away. Run to the forest like the others."  
I followed her hint with my eyes and really saw all the women and the children running to the forest while their men tried to stop the soldiers from shooting them.  
Still a bit disbelieving, I regarded the chaotic scenery around me, until I got a thrust against my back and ran off, almost without noticing it, the pregnant young woman by my side. We both had difficulties with balancing ourselves because of our bounded hands and it was much more difficult for her. I saw her stumbling from time to time but there was nothing I could do to support her. When I thought she would fall, the native woman was beside us all of the sudden and grabbed the young woman's and my arm. She supported us while we ran towards the forest. Shots sounded behind us and I noticed how the native took a glance over her shoulder from time to time and mumbled something in her language. Only when he had crossed the forest's edge and had reached a small clearing, she let us go. The women of the village had already gathered here, talking quietly to each other. They were still afraid, now for their men. But especially the mothers were glad to know that their children were safe. They all looked at the native woman sceptically who kneeled down in front of the pregnant woman and regarded the chains.  
"Hold still", she told her and I saw how she took two little tools out of the pouch on her hip and started to tamper with the lock. I wondered where a person like her had got such tools and especially how she had learned to use it. It didn't take long until a quiet cracking sounded and the chains around the young woman's wrists opened. Surprised she rubbed her wrists and whispered "Thank you" before standing up and running to the other women, who welcomed her with open arms.  
"You are welcome", the native mumbled as she looked after her, before turning to me and starting to open my bonds, too. She didn't say anything, neither as the chains opened and I thanked her with a smile. She only nodded shortly and turned to the edge of the clearing while I kept sitting on the rock I had taken a seat on. I couldn't stop myself from looking her over curiously. Beside Connor and Xaman Ek she was now the third of her kind I met, although I didn't know her name and also didn't know which tribe she belonged to. Curiously I regarded her appearance, her clothes, her heavy braids, her striking jewellery...and while doing so I especially noticed her necklace, which appeared strangely familiar to me. I was sure that I had seen it before, but although it was practically on the tip of my tongue, I couldn't remember where. But the necklace wasn't the only thing about her that seemed familiar to me. There was something about her face...but I couldn't say what. I was sure that I didn't know her and still she looked familiar.

As if she had felt that I was staring at her, she turned her eyes to me and as she frowned, this feeling of familiarity became stronger than ever.  
"Did you stare enough or shall I turn around once?", she asked mockingly and I ashamedly turned my eyes away. "I'm sorry, I...it wasn't on purpose."  
She only nodded slowly and looked me over, before turning her eyes away, as I suddenly remembered that somebody was missing.  
"Anya", I uttered and leaped up, looking around for her. But they had locked her up in the prison cart, she hadn't been able to escape with us. As the native woman asked me whom I was looking for, I explained it to her and she looked to the edge of the forest again.  
"We have to wait. If everything goes well, she will come with the others."  
I hoped so.  
"Why have you been here anyway? Are you alone?", I asked her and she shook her head.  
"My son and I were nearby as these two boys came into the forest and asked for our help." She pointed at two boys who I recognized as the first who had been brought forward with their mother. So they had sneaked away to get help.  
"And there were only two of you? Where is your son?"  
She nodded in direction of the village. "As I know him he will help the other villagers to escape. He was the one who started the distraction."  
"It was a big risk", I said. "But I think they will be grateful."  
"I am already noticing it", she just replied dryly and stayed silent after that. I couldn't hold it against her. The other women were still giving her sceptical gazes although she had saved them.  
It felt like an eternity in which I only stood beside the rock and glanced at the native woman from time to time, who was walking along around the clearing like a wolf. If her son was really in the village, where the sounds of shots and fights had vanished long ago, she was certainly worried about him. They had risked so much to help the villagers, Anya and me. I hoped for everyone that they saw their loved ones again but I wished if for her the most. Suddenly she moved on and stopped on the edge of the clearing as the first men of the villages came past her. Some of them were wounded and had to be supported, but it looked like they were still complete. They headed straight to their families who welcomed them with relief and open arms. Every fear seemed forgotten for a moment and I watched this scene, although it became painfully aware to me that Anya hadn't been with the villagers and I lowered my eyes. I had abandoned her. I had fled without helping or even thinking of her. This thought hurt and I closed my eyes to keep back the uprising tears. I didn't want to cry and tried to remember that all of this wasn't real. Just a dream.  
I adhered to this thought as I opened my eyes again and noticed how the native woman entered the clearing, a man by her side. I raised my head and froze as I saw him. If this was a dream, it had just taken a more than strange turn. I stared at the man who now noticed me, too and appeared dumbfounded himself. A bit unsure at first, I shook of this feeling as I gathered up my skirts and ran to him. I didn't care about anything as I throw myself into his arms and embraced him so tightly, as if I feared he could disappear in every moment. He didn't react at first, but then he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me gently against him. I felt how he buried his nose in my hair, before whispering my name. So he knew who I was and was the first who didn't act strange and the first who gave me a real feeling of familiarity. He was here. Connor was here.

* * *

 _ **Maybe you guessed it already. Yes, with this chapter I started to turn to the AC 3 DLC, but I didn't follow the exact storyline. I just found the thought of "What if..." interesting and wanted to use it in my story. But I have to say that it didn't turn out like I wanted it. Actually the next thirty chapters are the chapters I dislike the most. Maybe I shouldn't tell you before you have even read them, but I'm just honest with you and hope you can understand the weaknesses the next chapters might have.**_

 _ **But I didn't start publishing my stories (German and English) because I found them perfect. I'm publishing because I want to share my writing, hoping to learn and improve. Because of the plot in the next chapters, I learned that I have to concentrate on a better structure and not to focus at so many things at once. So in the end, the plot didn't turn out like I wanted it, but still I can see something positive about it and that is why I haven't deleted the chapters in the first place.**_

 _ **But now I'm done talking. I hope you will enjoy reading anyway. I may don't like the next chapters, but I'm pretty sure they are readable anyway. :P**_


	54. Chapter 54

**Some explanations before you read this chapter. Connor's mother tongue is going to show up a lot over the next few chapters. To make a difference between the sentences spoken in English and Mohawk, they will be divided like this:**

 _»Mohawk«_ _"_ English _"_

 **But of course Lillian isn't able to understand Mohawk, although I still wrote the Mohawk conversations in her POV, too. But I think its more pleasant to read if we are able to understand them at least and I don't have to write "They said something in Mohawk" a dozen times. ^^**

 ** _To Mohawk Woman:_ Well, it's up to you and your imagination if Connor is wearing his DLC-clothes. ^^ I have to say that I found them a bit...exaggerated. Yes, they fitted to his culture, but it was a bit strange that Connor was running around half naked in winter, while the other Mohawk men were wearing shirts...Maybe Ubisoft wanted to use "Sexy-Bonus" or whatever. :D**

* * *

 ** _The awakening (II)_**

 **Connor**

 _»Ratonhnhaké:ton. Ratonhnhaké:ton, wake up«_

Often he had heard this voice in his dreams. Although the last time he had really heard it was so many years ago, he still remembered its sound, as if it had been only yesterday that the voice had told him, that it loved him. He would always recognize it, the voice of his mother. But this time it sounded different than in his dreams. Much clearer, as if his mother was standing right next to him. Furthermore she sounded...indignant?

 _»Damn it, Ratonhnhaké:ton. Stay up«_

A push into his side made Connor finally open his eyes and he had to blink several times as he could only see a blurred face looking down at him. A strange, dizzy feeling had seized his mind and he closed his eyes to suppress it. When he opened them again, his vision was clear and now he saw the face clearly enough.

 _»Mother? What...?«_ He slowly sat up and noticed that he was in the middle of a forest, leaning against a tree. He knew this area. They had to be close to the village he had grown up in. In the middle of the frontier, but how did he come here and above all: What was his mother doing here?

Kaniehtí:io watched frowning how her son sat up and looked down at himself in confusion. He wasn't wearing his robes anymore, but the clothes of a man of his people, as well as neck- and arm-jewellery and his only weapons were a tomahawk and a hunting-knife on a fabric belt around his waist and quiver and bow on the ground next to him. It was long ago that he had been dressed this way. Not anymore since he had become an assassin. But what was this about? Connor still knew that he had visited George Washington with Lillian and he had showed them the Apple of Eden. Connor had touched the Apple and had been seized by an unexplainable feeling of dizziness, associated with fragmented memories, appearing in front of his eyes and disappearing again. He couldn't remember anything after that, only that he had woken up here. Had the Apple...?

Connor had to suppress a quiet groan as he felt dizzy again and he pressed the heel of his hand against his temples. Now his mother gave him a concerned gaze and kneeled down next to him.

 _»What is wrong with you, Ratonhnhaké:ton? Did something happen? Are you hurt?«_ She put a hand on his arm and the other on his cheek. This touch was so familiar and felt so real that Connor didn't dear to believe in a dream. He put his hands down and embraced his mother's hand on his arm with them. He could feel the warmth of her skin. Everything was so real...but still so surreal.

 _»I must be dreaming, mother«,_ he said quietly. _»You cannot be here. You...«_ He paused and closed his eyes to push back the upcoming images, which had already hunted him so often before. His mother, trapped in the ruins of a burning longhouse and telling him that he should go and make it into safety. He had been reluctant until somebody had brought him away against his will, before the house's roof collapsed over his mother. A shiver ran through Connor's body as he thought of it, but then he felt Kaniehtí:io's hand, which had laid on his cheek before and was now resting on his hands.

 _»Why should I not be here? We set off together this morning, remember?«_

Connor opened his eyes again and looked directly into the concerned face of his mother. He couldn't explain to her what was going on in his head, but he could also not understand what she was talking about. But he decided not to think about it. Although this was just a dream, he didn't want to waste any thoughts about his mother's death while she was with him in person.

 _»I am sorry«,_ he said and smiled faintly. _»I think I am still confused by sleep«_

She uttered a snort. _»I believe that. I was checking the traps alone, wondering why I never met my son and finally I found him sleeping under a tree. You should explain this hunting technique to me«,_ she said dryly, stood up and held out her hand to him. _»And now stand up. There are still traps we...you have not checked yet and we should be back before nightfall. Something is in the air and I do not like it«_

Connor didn't understand what she was talking about, but he took her hand and let her help him up. Now he saw the three dead rabbits and the fox Kaniehtí:io had tied together by their legs and she lifted this bundle off the ground. He shouldered his bow and quiver and followed his mother down the path, winding through the trees. He let his gaze wander. Looked at the tree's leaves, which were changing colours with the upcoming autumn and already fell to the ground, listened to the singing of the birds and the occasional cracking in the bushes and breathed in the air that was filled with the familiar scents of the forest. Everything was so realistic. Could it really be only a dream or was it a confusion of his mind, caused by the Apple? Connor turned his eyes to his mother, who was walking in front of him, looking around in the forest herself. She appeared tensed, as her gaze moved to the treetops, where the afternoon's sun broke through.

 _»We need to hurry«_ , she murmured and looked at him over her shoulder. _»Do you know where you have placed the traps?«_

 _»I...«_ Connor hesitated. _»I am not sure«_

Kaniehtí:io raised an eyebrow and stopped to look him over. _»What is wrong with you all of the sudden? I do not now you like this. Are you sure, you are fine?«_

He smiled. _»Yes, I am fine. Do not worry«_

His mother looked him over again and didn't appear quite convinced. But she turned around and continued their path. _»Then we should look at the usual spots. Maybe you will remember«_

They left the path and Connor followed her through the undergrowth until Kaniehtí:io stopped all of the sudden. But he had heard it, too. The sound of a horn, coming from the east, beyond the forest's edge. Connor knew that there was a small village. It was closest to the borders of Kanien'kehá:ka's territory and sometimes both sides traded with each other. Now his mother stared into the direction where the village was and tensely pressed her lips together.

 _»This is not good«,_ she murmured and abruptly turned around again. As she came past him, she grabbed his arm and pulled him back to the path.

 _»What is wrong?«,_ Connor asked confused and looked back where the sound of the horn had come from. _»What did it mean?«_

 _»That they are on the way again. And I thought they had what they want for now and would stay away from here«_

 _»They? Whom are you talking about?«_

She looked him over again as she answered. _»About the bluecoats of course. They were on the way not long ago to collect the settler's money for the king. For whatever reasons they are here again, it cannot mean something good. That is why we should hurry up before they are getting the idea to enter our land«_

Connor stopped abruptly and looked at his mother frowning, as she turned around to him. Her words made no sense. _»The bluecoats are not under the authority of the British or a king. Furthermore the British are already gone. They had to leave the colonies after they had lost the war«_

 _»War? You mean this ridiculous rebellion Washington used to make himself become the king? Son, it seems like you hit your head. The British are gone, yes. But now we have Washington and his rule becomes crueller with every year«_

 _»Washington?«_ Now Connor was completely confused. _»Washington is no king, he...«_

 _»Oh, he is. Ratonhnhaké:ton, what is wrong with you? You know the stories. After he had made a name for himself after the Seven Year War, he defeated the British ten years ago and forced them to capitulate. After that, they were finally convinced and supported him. Nobody could possibly know what he was really up to and before you knew it, he was the one he is today._ King _Washington. Mighty and cruel«_ She snorted indignantly and turned her eyes to the ground, shaking her head. _»I am sure he owes it to this damn sceptre. His success in the Seven Year War was too easily won. But of course nobody was interested in it«_

Connor stared at his mother dumbfounded, while he repeated her words in his mind over and over again. What she had told him was entirely wrong. Washington had never gained a real victory in the Seven Year War and he hadn't ended the War of Independence, after the siege of Boston had been withstood. The war had endured six more years until the final peace had been made three years ago. The way his mother talked about the history was entirely wrong. Everything was wrong. If this was still the year 1786, his mother had dies twenty-six years ago and he had fought in the war. As an Assassin. Obviously these events hadn't happened if he was standing here now. With his mother and only as a warrior of his tribe. Without robes and without hidden blade. But if the war hadn't ended the way Connor knew, if he wasn't an assassin: Which events hadn't been different than they should have been? Which people had stepped into his life or hadn't?

 _»This is not real«,_ Connor murmured, more to himself. Either he was dreaming, or the Apple of Eden had really confused his mind. There couldn't be another explanation, although everything felt so realistic and he wished his mother would be still alive. He looked at her, standing in front of him and looking him over, too. She couldn't understand his behaviour and he couldn't hold it against her.

 _»We should really go«,_ she started and already turned around to leave. But Connor had already turned into the opposite direction. He needed to know what was happening in this village. He needed to be certain if it was true what his mother had told him. He only heard her protest shortly, before he made his way into the undergrowth. He heard how his mother finally followed him, but then there was suddenly the sound of rustling and cracking in front of them, as if an animal was approaching them. He heard his mother following him, but then a loud rustling and cracking suddenly sounded in front of them, as if a big animal was making its way to them. Connor and Kaniehtí:io stopped and Connor saw how his mother pulled out a dagger, while he grabbed his tomahawk. Tensely he stared straight forward and raised his weapon, as the undergrowth started to move. He was ready to attack whatever or whoever was approaching them, but he lowered the tomahawk again. There were only two little boys, stumbling out of the thicket and staring at him with wide eyes.

"Eric, we should run. They will kill us sooner than these guys down there", the little one of them whispered and clung to the boy he had talked to. He stopped and looked back and forth between Connor and his tomahawk, which he put back when he noticed it. He raised his hands and just wanted to reassure the boys, as his mother stepped forward.

"You do not have to be afraid", she said. "You are from the village, are you not? Are the king's men with you?"

The two boys exchanged fearful gazes, but the older one nodded. "They want to collect the tolls, but most of us don't have the money. Now they threaten to shoot women and children if the men are not able to pay. Our father already freed us and we ran away to get help." His gaze became begging as he looked back and forth between the two Mohawk. "Can you help us? He looks like he could." His gaze stopped upon Connor, who looked at his mother. She appeared uncertain, but indicated to him and the boys that they should follow her. They took the way the boys had come from, crossed a clearing and finally stopped at the edge of the forest. From here they had an almost unhindered view over the village's square, where a troop of soldiers had taken position around the rounded-up villagers. The women and children were separated from the men and a single woman was just dragged in front of three armed soldiers, who looked like a firing squad. So the boys had spoken the truth, like his mother. Not even during the war, Connor had witnessed such a scenery, at least not when the violence had been turned against white people. The imagination that the soldiers were actually considering to kill innocent children and women, only because a man wasn't able to pay enough money, appeared totally surreal to him and still it was happening.

 _»Washington slaughters everyone who does not do as he pleases. If they do not pay, they are traitors of the crown and have to be punished«,_ his mother said, as if she had read his mind and her voice was full of contempt which Connor could understand now.

 _»We have to do something«,_ he said determined. _»We cannot allow that innocent people die«_

 _»No, we cannot. But look at it. There are about twenty soldiers. All of them armed and instructed to kill everyone who is reluctant. I think our chances are low«_

Connor kept watching the scenery in the village. A single man had just left the square with a soldier and walked down the street, while the other villagers were still detained.

 _»There are about twenty soldiers, but as much men. Believe me: Each one of them would do everything to protect his wife and his children. They only need to get the impulse to fight«_

 _"_ _And you plan to give them this impulse? You could get shot, Ratonhnhaké:ton«_

 _»But at least I had tried«_ Connor was determined and he knew that his mother could see it while she looked him over thoughtfully. Finally she turned her eyes away and sighed deeply. _»You are right. We have to try. What do you propose?«_

Connor looked back to the village, regarding the positions of the soldiers. They had all gathered around the square. There were no guards, as if the bluecoats were sure that they wouldn't get any troubles coming from the streets. This was his advantage. He had to find something he could distract them with. He had to cause chaos so that the men of the village could rise up against the soldiers and attack them, while the women and children escaped. But what about the soldier who had left with the other man? Connor looked to the building they had disappeared in. It seemed to be the local inn and nothing happened there at first. But then the door was torn open and the man stormed outside, followed by the soldier. He didn't come far. The bluecoat trained his rifle at him and shot. The bang echoed over the whole area and even the birds in the branches over their head fled. Connor frowned, while the soldier stepped over the body and returned to the crowd. He needed to act now and he already knew what he had to do.

 _»I am going to cause trouble and you will persuade the women to flee. They shall come here and you will accompany them. You will not stay but wait until I come back. Alright?«_

Kaniehtí:io gave him a serious gaze and shortly Connor asked himself, if he had dared to much with giving her orders, but she nodded. _»Be careful, son«_

 _»You, too, mother«_ He briefly laid a hand on her arm before standing up and leaving the secure thicket.

Between the edge of the forest and the village was a meadow, entirely clear from any possibilities to hide. Connor had to run as he crossed it until he finally reached the bushes along the road. From here he glanced to the soldiers, who hadn't noticed him at all and only concentrated on the villagers. Nobody of them paid attention to the road where Connor was hiding. The mistake of all those who felt mighty and inviolable. But they were going to regret this mistake, Connor was sure of it. He dared a last look at the square, where another woman was just chained up and brought in front of the soldiers' rifles. Connor didn't know when the bluecoats intended to enforce the sentence. He counted three soldiers. This could mean only one woman was left, before the first shots were fired. He didn't intend to let that happen. He left his hideout, ran crouching over the street and straight to a barn, a bit above the square. Aside of it was a meadow, where about a dozen of cows was grazing peacefully. But Connor planned to end this peace very soon. He pushed the bolt away, that locked the gate and opened it as far as possible. Until now the cows hadn't noticed him, but it changed quickly as he approached the animals on the other end of the herd. He took his bow off his back and pushed it against the first cow's flank. With a protesting sound, it moved forward and Connor did the same to two other animals. He kept uttering quiet shouts and used his bow to drive the cows on. It didn't take long until their herd instinct set in and the whole flock moved towards the gate. Connor started to run, leaped over the fence and stopped the first cows from running out of the village just in time. he made them turn around and with more light pushes of his bow, all of them were running towards the square. They stayed calm, but fell into trot and headed straight towards the first row of soldiers. A satisfied expression flitted across Connor's face, before he crossed the street again and moved behind the buildings around the square.

Chaos had broken out by now. The cows had alarmed the first soldiers, broke through their lines and trotted across the square. The bluecoats' horses shied and their riders were busy keeping them calm. They were so surprised by the unexpected incident, that they didn't know how to react. Their once ordered lines were totally messed up and nobody paid attention to the villagers, who didn't hesitate for long. Connor saw his mother between the men and women, pointing at the forest. Immediately, the first mothers and their children ran off and their men started to attack the first soldiers to stop them from shooting at their families. They did as Connor had thought. They would do anything to protect their loved ones, but obviously they had needed some kind of ensured success and the distracted soldiers were easily to overpower.

Connor had walked around the square and had now reached its edge, where he pulled out his tomahawk and hunting knife, grabbed them firmly and stormed to the soldiers closest to him. They didn't see him coming as his blades thrust into their backs and he tore them to the ground with his weight. They landed on their bellies, their mouths opened to silent screams. Connor pulled his weapons out of the bodies and ran to the villagers. Eleven men had stayed, obviously the only ones able to fight. Together they had overpowered four soldiers and had taken their weapons. With the two Connor had killed, their troop was already halved, but this didn't mean victory. Only four men were really veteran. They were simple farmers, but determined. They had spread over the square in groups of two and kept trying to keep the soldiers at bay.

Their commander was sitting on his horse, boiling with rage and trying to give his men further orders. He was totally overwhelmed by the turn his mission had just made.

"Butcher them!", he roared. "Shoot them! Especially this damn savage!" As if he wanted to emphasize his words, he trained his pistol at Connor, who had already jumped aside as the officer pulled the trigger. Instantly three soldiers stormed at him and tried to follow the order. Connor managed it to kill one of them with a well aimed blow, but he had to avoid the attack of a bayonet, followed by a rifle that was trained at him. Connor needed to roll away and as he straightened up, one of the villagers was standing next to him and shot the soldier with the rifle, before he could pull the trigger. Connor and the man exchanged a short gaze and nod. The soldier with the bayonet aligned his weapon, but before he was able to attack, Connor had thrown his tomahawk at him. With wide eyes, the man stared at the axe stuck in his chest and collapsed, as Connor grabbed the weapon again. When he turned around, the officer had gathered his remaining men around himself, already retreating.

"Don't believe this stays unpunished!", he roared angrily and pointed at the villagers with his pistol, who had gathered together, too. "You know what traitors have to expect. And you…" He turned to Connor and the Mohawk saw hatred in the other man's eyes. "don't think only because the king wasn't interested in your kind until now, that he couldn't change his mind. You are not even worthy enough for slavery. But you didn't intervene for nothing, be sure of that."

Connor didn't answer. He coldly returned the man's gaze until he finally turned his horse and rode away. He stopped beside a prison cart, looked inside and pulled out his pistol once again. A shot sounded and he looked back to Connor again, a scornful smile on his lips. Connor tightened his grip around the tomahawk and started running. He didn't know himself if he just wanted to attack the soldier or if he only wanted to make sure if he had shot at a person in this cart. This decision was taken from him anyway, as the officer drove his horse on and galloped away, past his already fleeing soldiers. Connor stopped beside the cart which he hadn't paid attention at until now and he regretted this fault. On the ground lay a young, dark-skinned woman. A pool of blood formed around her head and strands of her black hair hung in her face. But still he recognized her. It was Anya. One of the slaves he had freed on Jarvis' estate. But why was she here? Did her presence mean…that Jarvis was here, too? Connor's gaze moved to the male body on the street. It was the man who had fled from the inn and had been shot. Connor approached him slowly, kneeled down and turned the massive body laboriously onto his back. His heard halted. It really was Richard Jarvis. Lillian's uncle who had taken his own life in front of Connor's eyes. He had been alive, Anya had been here…what about Lillian? Did the presence of her already dead uncle and the freed slave that she had never gone with Connor? That they maybe had never met?

Connor's weight sank back onto his heels and he ran his hands through his hair. Everything was becoming even more confusing. His mother was alive, it seemed like he was no assassin, George Washington apparently had become a king and he probably had never met Lillian. Everything he had known over the last twenty-six years of his life just didn't exist or had been messed up. But why? Because of the Apple? Did it really have such a power? How could Connor reverse it? Did he want to reverse it at all? Did he want his mother to disappear from his life again? All these questions were rushing through his mind until Connor uttered a frustrated sound and leaped to his feet. He had to find out what was happening. He shouldn't let it drive him crazy.

His gaze moved to the men of the village who were already heading for the forest, took their remaining comrades with themselves on half of the way and disappeared behind the trees together. Connor followed them. He tried to hold back all these confusing thoughts while he approached the trees and his gaze fell upon his mother, who was tensely waiting for him. When he came closer, he saw relief in her eyes.

 _»Finally. I thought you let them shoot you anyway. Are you…«_ She paused as Connor embraced her and pulled her closer, without saying a word. Again he thought how realistic everything was. He felt his mother tense shortly in the face of this surprising gesture of her son, but then she wrapped her arms around him, too.

 _»Are you well?«,_ she repeated the question she had kept asking him over the last few hours and Connor didn't know what to answer. He wasn't injured, but confused.

 _»I do not know«,_ he murmured honestly. _»I wish I could tell you«_

Kaniehtí:io pulled away from the embrace, pushed him a bit away and looked at him frowning. _»You should become aware of it soon. I do not know the way you are behaving and I do not like it. And now come. We should go back«_

She let him go, turned away and went back to the clearing which Connor entered beside her. He saw the villagers, who stood together, talking to each other and falling into each other's arms. The relief that they had lost no family members, was noticeable, but Connor couldn't feel happy for them. Furthermore he noticed a single person from the corners of his eyes, standing away from the villagers. He looked at them and froze. He recognized her in an instant. He would have recognized her everywhere, no matter if she was wearing simple skirts and blouses our an elegant dress like she was doing now. Even under the lavishly styled hair, the sparkling jewellery and the powdered face, he recognized her, although it was long ago since he had seen her like this. She was one of the few persons he almost knew as well as he knew himself after all. Lillian seemed to be paralyzed herself and stared at him. Connor thought of her uncle, of Anya and the question what had changed, too. She must have been with them and this could mean that his fear was true. That they had never met and this could mean that Lillian probably didn't know him and just stared at him because of his origin. This thought dealt him a blow.

He already thought of turning his eyes away, but suddenly Lillian moved. She gathered her skirts, ran towards him and before he realized it, she had thrown herself into his arms and clung to him. Connor was surprised at first. He couldn't understand what her reaction meant. So she knew him, but why? Had they met for some reason or…had Lillian made the same experience? Whatever it was, he was relieved and wrapped his arms around her body, pulled her tight against himself, buried his face in her hair and inhaled her scent that was so familiar to him.

 _»Lillian«,_ he murmured, as if he wanted to make sure that she was really here. He heard her utter a quiet, relieved laugh, as if a burden had just been taken off her shoulders. Gently he pulled away, held her a bit away from himself and put his hands on her cheeks. Tears were shimmering in her eyes, but Lillian smiled and caressed his cheeks, too.

"So you know me. You're not acting as strange as the others", she whispered and Connor was almost sure that she had made the same confusing experiences.

 _»Of course I know you. I feel the same«,_ he replied likewise quietly and smiled. But Lillian's smile disappeared and her eyes widened. Her mouth opened shortly as if she wanted to say something, closed it again and pressed her lips together, so that they lost color. Connor frowned in confusion as Lillian lowered her eyes and murmured: "Please no. Don't tell me he doesn't speak my language anymore."

Connor blinked confused, didn't understand what she was talking about, but then it hit him and he shook his head about himself. It had been a matter of course for him to talk with his mother in their language and it had directly become a second nature of him, so that he hadn't further thought about it. He really hadn't noticed that he had spoken to Lillian in Mohawk, too. She hadn't been able to understand him. Gently he lifted her chin and smirked as she looked at him again. "I am sorry. I am really confused. Of course I am still speaking your language."

Lillian closed her eyes and he smirked as she took an audible sigh of relief. "Thank God, for a moment I thought..." She smirked, too and looked at him. He noticed how her gaze moved over his jewellery, his clothes and finally back to his face. Her smirk disappeared and made room for a serious, almost fearful expression as she asked whispering: "Connor, what is going on?"


	55. Chapter 55

_**Bitter decisions**_

 **Lillian**

"I do not know", Connor murmured after my question. "It seems like everything got mixed up. As if our present life has never existed."

I swallowed heavily as he said this. I had firmly believed this was just a very realistic dream, but now that Connor was standing in front of me and seemed as confused as me, I doubted it.

"Do you think the Apple has something to do with it?", I asked him and he nodded slowly.

"I guess. But I do not know how it happened. What...this is exactly." He raised his hand into a vague gesture towards the clearing, but I understood what he meant. He also asked himself if this was real or only an imagination. An imagination we shared.

"I'm just glad you're here", I whispered and put a hand on his cheek, which made him smile.

"And I am glad that you are fine. Except of this." Connor ran his thumb over the aching spot beneath my eye, where Richard had hit me. A forced smile flitted across my lips. I just wanted to tell him about my strange reunion with my uncle, as someone beside us cleared their throat. It was the native woman, who stood almost right beside us, with crossed arms and arched eyebrows.

"Ratonhnhaké:ton, I am sure you will explain to me who this is and what is going on", she said with a cold undertone in her voice. I felt Connor tense for a moment and my gaze met his, as he looked at me. Visibly struggling for words. Then he squared his shoulders, took a step away from me and pointed at the woman and back at me. "Mother, this is Lillian. Lillian, this is my mother Kaniehtí:io."

When he introduced her to me, the look he gave me had something warning about it, but I couldn't stop myself from staring at her in surprise at first. In all the joy and confusion to see Connor, I hadn't thought of her words that she was here with her son. But now the realization hit me. The familiarity I had felt when she had looked at me and I had recognized her necklace. It lay on a commode in our bedroom and was kept by Connor like a treasure. I had never dared to touch it and now I saw it around the neck of its rightful owner. Connor had hardly been able to tell me about her death. The pain of her loss had never left him and I had often heard him calling for her in the night. We had never really talked about it, but I knew that he saw her dying in his dreams. But now she was here and gave me a cold and distrustful gaze. I didn't know what to say. 'Nice to meet you' seemed absolutely absurd. But it didn't seem like she was expecting such an empty phrase anyway.

Her gaze turned back to Connor, who was still totally tensed. "Now I know her name but I still do not know _who_ she is." She gave him a demanded look, while he looked at me, but I didn't know how to answer her question either. We both didn't know what was going on. We didn't know what had happened and what hadn't. Which life we had lived in the eyes of those we met here, but Connor was certainly right with saying, that the life we remembered didn't exist. He obviously lived with his people, I had still lived with Richard. The chance that Connor and I had ever met under these circumstances was hardly existent. We would be strangers to each other and I felt a painful helplessness about this thought. How should Connor explain who I was to him?

He seemed to be struggling with this thought on his own, but I finally saw determination in his eyes, as he stepped beside me and grabbed my hand. "Mother, it is difficult to explain. Maybe I will never be able to explain it, but I met Lillian a while ago and she is the woman I love", he said without hesitation and a disbelieving silence was the answer, while Kaniehtí:io looked back and forth between Connor and me. I, for my part, didn't know how to behave. I felt more than uncomfortable in this situation and I sensed that Connor felt the same. But he kept my hand so firmly in his grip, as if it would emphasize his words and made them easier to understand. It didn't.

Connor's mother slowly began to shake her head and her eyes narrowed, as she took as step towards us and looked at her son. "Just to get it right: You, who never showed any interest in finding a woman over the last couple of years, who rejected every girl. You stroke out and fell in love with a European woman of a good family. How did this happen?"

"Like I said: It is difficult to explain, but..."

"Of course it is difficult to explain", she interrupted Connor harshly. "You obviously lost your mind! Not only that this woman comes out of nowhere and I do not understand how you two met each other, you are even brazen enough to confront me with accomplished facts! So you know for a while? So it means, I have never learned that you were looking for a wife and fell in love. Apart from her background: When did you want to tell me about her? When she is with child and almost giving birth?"

While she had spoken and had found such plain words, I had more and more shrunk, while Connor's grip around my hand became almost painfully firm. The situation was as unpleasant as it was wrong, but I could understand Kaniehtí:io's anger. From her point of view I had appeared from nowhere and it must be painful for a mother to learn that her only child had made an important step in their life without telling her. Additionally I certainly wasn't the daughter-in-law she had imagined. Insecure I glanced at Connor, whose expression had entirely hardened by now. He was struggling and I understood him, too and it hurt that he had to hear those words from his mother he had just got back. But there certainly wasn't a reasonable explanation for my appearance because he couldn't tell her the truth. We didn't know what the truth was, after all. But there was one thing I was certain about.

Carefully I freed my hand from Connor's grip and shortly touched his arm. "I think I should better go", I said quietly and already wanted to turn away to go to the villagers, but Connor stopped me.

"You will not go", he said with a firm voice. "It is too dangerous. Furthermore…" His determined gaze slid to his mother who returned it coldly. "I know that I should have told you about her long ago. It was a mistake and I am sorry. But the circumstances are anything but easy."

"Why do you not just explain these circumstances to me?"

Connor pressed his lips together again and searched for the right words, until I shortly squeezed his hand and turned to Kaniehtí:io.

"Con…Ratonhnhaké:ton helped me and others in a desperate situation", I started and saw from the corner of my eye that Connor lightly shook his head. But his mother deserved an answer and shouldn't be lied to. So I stayed as close to the truth as possible. "We kept meeting each other after that. Accidentally or on purpose. This is how we got to know each other, but my uncle, whom I lived with, would have done everything to keep him away from me and I didn't want him to get in danger. Ratonhnhaké:ton had to promise me not to tell anybody that we know each other. So it wasn't his fault alone."

Kaniehtí:io's eyes narrowed again while she looked me over attentively and I involuntarily remembered how Connor had looked at me this way, after I had tried to convince him to take me to Davenport. Searching for a hint of dishonesty.

"And where is your uncle now?"

"Dead. The shot him as he wanted to flee instead of paying for my freedom."

"So you do not belong to them?", she asked and nodded at the villagers on the clearing. I shook my head.

"My uncle was my only family."

"And you do not seem to mourn his loss."

"I can't say that we were close. He was a terrible man."

She looked me over again but it didn't seem like she was really convinced. Slowly she shook her head and looked at Connor.

 _»What do you expect me to do? It is not on me to decide if she can come with us, nor I can tell you that I agree to this..relationship«_

 _»You do not know her, what makes you sure about it? I think especially you should not judge her by her background«_

I raised my eyes in concern about the suppressed anger in Connor's voice. His mother noticed it, too and I shortly saw anger in her dark eyes as well.

 _»Watch your tongue«,_ she growled. _»I do not mind that she is European. I do not dare to but I only have to look at her to know that she will not cope with a life like ours. What do you think how long it will take until she just disappears because she is missing the familiar comfort? What will you do then?«_

 _»_ _She will not. Believe me, you should not judge her by her appearance. I now that she will be fine«_

Kaniehtí:io huffed. _»Of course you are saying this. But you will have to realize that your lives are too different to be together. But take her with us. Oiá:ner has to decide. You should not have too much hope though«_

Without saying one more word, she turned around and went to a tree where she shortly disappeared as she climbed it. I looked after her, Connor as well, but I soon looked at him and noticed how he tensely grinded his jaws. He still had to suppress his anger and I didn't like the thought that this obviously still had been about me. Connor's and Kaniehtí:io's reactions had shown me that they hadn't come to an agreement.

"I don't want you to argue with your mother because of me", I said quietly and Connor gave me a serious look.

"She is angry and I understand her. But she will calm down and you will come with us. And stay." He said it with such determination that I just wanted to believe him. But I wasn't as optimistic.

Connor's mother had climbed down the tree by now, a dead rabbit and a fox on her shoulder which she had hidden up there.

"We should go", she said shortly as she reached us, but Connor's gaze turned to the villagers and he slowly shook his head. "Give me a moment", he said and already approached the group. Kaniehtí:io and I followed him. Distrustful gazes met the Mohawks but the old man stepped forward, who I recognized as the village's leader Terrence Caine.

"I guess we have to thank you. But you didn't improve our situation. They will come back and they will punish us."

"Do you not have a chance to defend yourself?"

"What for? Arnold will send more men. From now on, we are traitors of the crown and only death will await us."

"Arnold? Who is he?"

"Benedict Arnold. He's one of the king's commanders and mainly responsible for collecting the taxes, as well as for the execution of many innocents."

"He enjoys it." One of the other men had spoken now and spit at the ground. "That's why he's going to enjoy terrorizing us. Your intervention made everything worse. Furthermore Arnold will keep his word and let you pay for it."

"It was not our intention to make your situation worse."

"Intention or not, it happened." Caine gave the other man a signal, who stepped back with a huff. "And you should be more careful. Everyone who rebels will be punished sooner or later. So you should expect meeting Arnold again."

"We will." It was Kaniehtí:io who stepped forward now, grabbed Connor's arm and gave me a silent signal, before she pulled him with her and I followed. Only when we were out of the villager's range, she stopped, let Connor go and took position in front of him once again, this time noticeably concerned.

» _Arnold threatened you?«_

Connor nodded shortly. _»He said I should not rely on their disinterest for us. My intervention was not for nothing«_

His mother took an audible breath and ran her hand through her hair while taking an uneasy step to the side. » _I should have known_. _This is not good«_

 _»But we had to help. They would have killed innocent people«_

 _»Yes, but you know what Oiá:ner thinks about it. She does not want us to intervene in the settler's businesses at all. She thinks this would be safer for us, although I always knew that the day would come when the king starts to make demands on us, too. It is a miracle that he did not until now«_

Her gaze slid shortly over the villagers, before she squared her shoulders and rearranged the bundle on them. _»We should go. I will talk to her as soon as we are back. You will say no word about it. I do not mind if she is angry with me, but she should not be angry with you. But about her«_ Her gaze flitted to me. _»That is on you to explain. I cannot and will not help you with it«_

Connor only nodded grimly as his mother walked forward and into the forest. When he wanted to follow her, I grabbed his arm and glanced at the villagers. "Anya was with us. They locked her up in a prison cart and she couldn't flee with us", I said and didn't dare to ask him if he had seen her. It was his expression that said everything and I already knew what he was going to say, before the words had left his lips.

"I was not able to safe her", he said quietly. "Arnold shot her. I am sorry."

I couldn't believe him at first. My mind was too used to the thought that Anya had been freed years ago. I didn't know what had happened to her afterwards but I had always hoped that she was fine. To hear that she hadn't made it this time was painful. It felt like the bullet ran through my heart instead. Tears filled my eyes in an instant as I started to shake my head, as if it would make the thoughts disappear. I felt guilty for Anya's fate. I hadn't thought of her when I had fled. I had abandoned her.

"This is not right", I whispered while the first tears were running over my cheeks. "Richard is dead, she should be free."

Connor didn't say anything. Silently he stood in front of me, until he pulled me into his arms. "We will find out what is going on here and then everything will be like it used to be. She will be free."

I didn't know if he could make his words become true, but I wanted to believe it. I wanted to know what was going on. It scared me, especially the thought that our lives were not the same anymore. That certain people didn't exist here and I didn't even dare to think of Caleb and Emily. Especially of Emily.

"I hope so", I said in a quiet, husky voice. I felt how Connor briefly touched my hair with his lips, before gently pulling away from the embrace and taking my hand. We couldn't see his mother anymore and so we had to hurry up to follow her.

The hiking took almost two hours but I got the feeling that this was only because of me. I remembered the hiking through deep snow when Connor had brought me to Davenport for the first time. Also now, in autumn and on a more or less well-trodden path, it was a single balancing act for me to keep up with Connor and his mother. I constantly had to gather up my skirts, slipped on my even soles from time to time and couldn't keep my balance like I should have, thanks to the dress and the corset. It was embarrassing that I was slowing the two Mohawks down, as well as Kaniehtí:io's frowning looks she was giving me from over her shoulder. I didn't want to know what she must think about me. I was just grateful that Connor walked slowly and patiently beside me, supporting me over and over again or making me aware of obstacles on the path, which I might have missed because of my broad skirts. Because of that, I saw more of the ground beneath my feet than I did of my closer environment. The sun was already setting and the whole forest was bathed in a yellow light that made the colourful leaves of the trees and bushes shine. It was beautiful but I couldn't enjoy it. I only noticed in a corner of my mind that we were in a part of the frontier where I had never been before. When we followed the path down a steep hill, we entered a densely wooded valley. In the distance I could hear a river or even a small waterfall and soon I saw the shimmering water between the trees. But my eyes rather stopped upon a high palisade, clearly visible from the distance. I almost looked like there was a fort, but in the face of Connor's reaction, I didn't need to ask. It wasn't a fort, it was his village. The village where he had grown up among his people and which he hadn't entered for years, especially because his people had already left these lands. At least in the reality we knew.

When we approached the palisade, we could already hear the sound of many voices and as we followed the path behind the fence, we were instantly surrounded by life. I saw children, running laughing between the longhouses, accompanied by dogs and the calls of their mothers, who were calling their offsprings to order. There were several fire places where men and women were standing or sitting, talking or doing their work in silence. Some worked furs which were stretched over frames for this purpose, women were weaving baskets, others were cooking. On the edge of the village was a lake, where villagers were fishing, working on canoes...I was overwhelmed by all this liveliness, because I had never been able to imagine how a native village looked like. On the first sight, it wasn't so different from settlements like Davenport and still it was completely different.

I had stopped at first to capture all these impressions, but when I looked at Connor, I noticed that I wasn't the only one. He was standing beside me as stiff as a poker, slowly looking over his environment. Different kinds of emotions were visible in his face. Joy, grief and the effort to hide these emotions. I saw them anyway and shortly grabbed his hand to squeeze it gently. I couldn't even imagine what was going on in his mind. All of this must be so familiar and still, after all these years, unfamiliar at the same time. He didn't look at me, but returned the squeezing of my hand and slowly relaxed again. Right in this moment, his mother turned around to us and impatiently indicated to us that we should follow her.

Connor and I let each other go, but in the end it didn't matter if we walked through the village hand in hand or not: We got all attention on us anyway, or rather: I did. I hardly dared to raise my eyes to meet the many curious, but also distrustful gazes. I felt like a crow among sparrows. Puffed up, conspicuous and different. I was seized by the childish desire to hide behind Connor, but at the same time I knew that he must have felt the same way when he had been among "my people" for the first time. Now it was the other way around. He was the familiar face, I was the weird stranger who stuck out like a sore thumb.

I followed Connor and his mother to one of the longhouses where Kaniehtí:io disappeared in, after she had told us to wait outside. I kept my eyes down, felt like the intruder I was when I met one distrustful gaze anyway. That Connor was by my side only gave me a little confidence because he was also tensed. His eyes uneasily slid over the environment and I got the feeling that he didn't feel comfortable in his own skin. But it didn't surprise me after the conversation with his mother. I only wished he could enjoy being here again.

It took a whole while until Connor's mother left the longhouse again, but only to ask her son to come inside and only him. He gave me an apologetic, but also concerned gaze whereupon I forced myself to smile reassuringly. I disliked the thought of staying behind, but he shouldn't worry about me. I guessed that the upcoming conversation wasn't going to be an easy one and I wasn't wrong. When Connor stepped out of the longhouse after only a few minutes, I saw his suppressed anger again, but he tried to hide it after he had taken a deep breath and beckoned me over.

"I want to introduce you to her", he just said and didn't give me the opportunity to ask further questions. He pushed me into the longhouse which was filled with a dark twilight because of the vanishing daylight and the two fireplaces inside the house. But still I quickly saw that it was empty, except of Kaniehtí:io and an old woman. They sat next to each other by the fireplace close to the entrance we used and looked at us with serious faces. Connor pointed at the old woman, who radiated a remarkable authority despite her fragile appearance.

"This is Oiá:ner, our clan mother. It is on her to decide who is allowed to stay and who is not."

And with that he meant me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and bowed my head in respect, hoping that this gesture served the purpose and wasn't misinterpreted. But there was no reaction at first. She only looked me over and I felt more and more uncomfortable in my own skin. If this was about my stay, what could I do to affect the decision?

I gave Connor an helpless gaze, but he had turned all his attention to Oiá:ner.

 _»Please believe me. She is no danger and she will be no burden to us. I will be fully responsible for her«_

 _»This does not change who she is«,_ the clan mother replied in a totally objective tone. _»We have decided to let no outsider into our village. Not as long as Washington is in power. Maybe she is not a threat, but her people are. Now that your mother and you disobeyed my orders and endangered us all with interfering in the villagers businesses, we have to protect ourselves more than ever. If I allow her to stay, I will allow doubt about our safety and community to grow among our people«_

 _»But she has no one left out there. There is no one who would guess that she is here. Does my word mean nothing?«_

 _»Not as long as your mind is clouded by feelings. Your mother already made this mistake which you seem to repeat. She does not belong here and she will only cause distrust«_

Connor huffed and earned a warning gaze from his mother. But he ignored it. _»You cannot compare her with my father«_

 _»Maybe not«_ The clan mother's voice was still calm, unimpressed by Connor's reaction. _»But I make no differences in time like these. She belongs to those who are threatening us and as such I do not tolerate her in our village. She is not allowed to stay and this is my last word, Ratonhnhaké:ton«_

An oppressive silence spread inside the longhouse, only interrupted by the cracking wood in the fire. I didn't know what had been said, but the other's behaviour alone and especially Connor's posture showed me that this conversation hadn't ended in my favour. He frowned deeply and I saw anger sparkling in his eyes as he looked at his mother, who only shook her head. Then he took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and looked at Oiá:ner again, who returned his gaze entirely calmly.

 _»If this is the case«,_ he began. _»I will not stay either«_

It was silent again, but now there was disbelief in Kaniehtí:io's face and I saw that she wanted to leap up, but the clan mother laid a hand on her arm.

 _»I will not forbid you to go, Ratonhnhaké:ton«,_ she said. _»But you need to be aware that you will not longer have the protection of the village and that I will not allow you to return. Unless you change your mind. If you come to your senses, we will welcome you. But not her«_

 _»I accept that. As long as Lillian is not allowed to stay, I will not stay either and I am not going to change this decision«_


	56. Chapter 56

_**Shelter in the woods**_

I didn't know what was going on when Connor grabbed my wrist and led me out of the longhouse. His steps were quick and determined and it was hard for me to follow. I stumbled beside him while we passed another longhouse and finally entered the next one. There wasn't much light inside, but two women were sitting around one of the fire and a little girl was sitting on one of bunk-like beds and played with her doll. All of three of them interrupted what they were doing and watched us curiously as we entered the longhouse. Connor let his eyes roam over the beds, nodded shortly as we stopped in front of one, let me go, kneeled down and took a bundle of furs which he laid onto the bed and unfolded it. He put one fur after another aside, judgingly until he nodded again and took a decorated dagger-sheath out of the corner. He shortly pulled out the weapon, before fastening the sheath on his belt, folding the furs again and wrapping other things inside them.

"What are you doing?", I asked while watching him.

"Preparing myself", he answered. "We are not going to stay."

"So your clan-mother decided that I am not allowed to stay?"

The answer was a nod and basically I had expected it, but not his reaction.

"But what do you mean with "we" are not going to stay? This is your home. I cannot ask you to leave because I am not welcomed."

"You do not have to. It is my decision." Connor finally tied the furs into a bundle and took a bottle which he fastened it on his belt as well, before shouldering the bundle and turning to me.

"Oiá:ner's decision means that you have to leave the village immediately and it will be your certain death out there alone. Furthermore you are my wife, married or not. You belong to my side and I belong to yours. Either you stay or I will leave with you, everything else is out of the question. And now come."

He gave me no chance to answer when he already headed for the longhouse's exit. I hadn't known what to say anyway. I was torn between the feeling of joy because he didn't leave me alone and the reluctance to accept that he had to leave his people again. Because of me. He was determined but I didn't believe for a second that it was easy for him to go to the palisade, having the other's gazes on him. His steps were quick, his shoulders firm, but when we reached the fence, somebody called his name and Connor stopped abruptly. It was his mother who came running to us and stopped in front of him. Her face showed desperation and anger at the same time, but her voice only sounded desperate.

 _»Please, Ratonhnhaké:ton. Do not go. Think about what you are doing«_ She put a hand on Connor's arm, who only looked at it at first, before grabbing it gently and looking into his mother's eyes.

 _»What would you have done if the village had not accepted me? Because of my father«_

 _»I had not care«,_ Kaniehtí:io answered without hesitation. _»You are my son. If they had not accepted you, they had not accepted me. But it has nothing to do with this«_

A faint smile flitted across Connor's face and he gently squeezed her hand. _»It does. Lillian belongs to me and please believe me, I am sure of that. I will not let her go and still I have to accept Oiá:ner's decision. I have no choice, mother. Although it is not easy«_

He embraced her and I heard him murmur _»Konnorónhkhwa«_ before pulling away from her. Now Kaniehtí:io just looked sad, but she raised a hand and put it on his cheek. She didn't say anything as we walked past her and left the village.

Connor led me up the path we had come from earlier but instead of leaving the valley, he eventually turned left and left the trodden path. Through the trees, past rocks, along the steep hill that surrounded the valley. Each of our steps caused a quiet rustling when our feet moved the leaves on the ground and I often saw small animals like rabbits running away from us. One of the ended up with an arrow in its nape and dangling from Connor's hand while he led me through the forest. He walked determined along the broad river which was flowing into a small pond in front of the village in the valley. It was running through high, cliff-like rocks and the noise of a waterfall filled the air and made it difficult to hear something else from the environment. Only when he had passed the waterfall and the noised had become quieter, I dared to ask Connor where we were going. He pointed at a spot between the trees where I couldn't see anything at first.

"This is the border of the Kanien'kehá:ka hunting ground. Behind it, close to the river is an old cabin. It is not in a very good condition, but we have water and there is enough game. Until we know how to go on, it will be enough."

We kept walking until I finally saw the shape of a cabin in the rising darkness. It stood right beside a tree where somebody had built a platform into its crown, which was used by hunters to spot the game without being noticed. The cabin itself really wasn't in a good condition. It had been roughly built with wooden planks and beams, but everything was rotten and the openings in the wood appeared bigger than they should have been. It was purposive and not intended to be comfortable but at least its roof was intact and Connor was certainly right about that it was going to be enough for now. To camp her was more reasonable than in the middle of the forest under the sky. Especially in this season.

The rickety door opened under a loud squeal of the hinges and the musty scent of wet wood rose into our noses. The cabin itself was empty and after Connor had shortly checked it, he dropped the bundle of furs onto the stone-ground and gave me an almost apologetic gaze.

"Like I said, it is not the best I can provide you at the moment, but..."

I raised a hand, shaking my head and interrupted him. He shouldn't think about such things.

"It's fine. It's enough for me if it's dry at least", I said with a faint smile and ran my hand over the wooden wall until it ended in a narrow opening.

"The night will be cold", Connor said. "I hope the furs will be enough, but I will go and gather some wood. We should be able to ignite a fire in here."

I simply nodded and watched him dropping the dead rabbit and leaving the cabin again. Only when I thought he was out of earshot, I allowed myself a deep sigh and leaned against the wall to bury my face in my hands. I had the feeling that I couldn't think straight anymore. Too much had besieged my mind in the last couple of hours. Too much to realize it. I was afraid of what was going on, all these events and changes that hadn't been positive for me, but for Connor. He had got his mother back, as well as his people. But instead of being with them, he had to stay in an old cabin in the woods with me. It wasn't fair and it wasn't fair that a small, selfish part of me was happy because Connor had decided not to leave me alone. But there was nothing I could do to compensate for it.

I took my hands from my face and leaned my head against the wall behind me, my eyes closed while I tried to calm my rushing thoughts. Only then I pulled away from the wall and kneeled beside the bundle on the ground to loosen the ties and open it. Connor hadn't packed much, but I hadn't expected it anyway. There were only some short ropes, a small metal-pot and a hock which seemed to belong to the pot. It wasn't much but probably the most necessary things. I put everything aside and took the three furs to unfold them. They had been carefully made of several pieces and I spread the largest and thickest of them over the ground, rolled up the smallest and laid it with the remaining one as pillow and blanket onto the other one. Ready was our simple bed which was much better than some others I had already slept on. Connor's concerns were unnecessary if he thought this wasn't enough for me. I sat down and ran my hand through the fur beneath me, lost in my thoughts until the door opened again and Connor entered, the firewood he had wanted to collect on his arms. He shortly looked at the bed I had created, until he dropped the wood and piled it up to a fireplace, where the flames were dancing shortly afterwards. I attentively watched everything he did, but he never raised his eyes. His face was expressionless while he crafted a rack out of the remaining twigs and the ropes he had brought with us, which he put over the fire and even when he told me he wanted to go outside to skin the rabbit, his expression didn't change and he remained with such short sentences. He also didn't talk to me when he returned, hung the skinned and gutted animal over the fire and waited until it was well-done. The whole time I thought about how to break this unpleasant silence. It unsettled me, although I could understand Connor's behaviour. The last hours hadn't been easy for him either and beside the serious decision he had been forced to make, there were certainly a lot of other things he was thinking about. I didn't feel different after all, but what could I say to take some of the burden from him? Everything will be fine? Ridiculous in the face of our situation.

So I remained silent, also when we were eating from the rabbit. The sun had set by now and the only light was given by the small fire that was also radiating a pleasant warmth. It had become noticeably colder and I longed for lying under the fur, closing my eyes and escaping this strange reality that was so different. I began to pull all needles out of my hair, combed the longs strands with my fingers and finally took the small pot to fill it with water and to wash the powder off my face. To get rid of all this pomp was a relief, one step back to my habits, but not enough yet. I unbuttoned the top of my dress and slipped out of it to feel for the laces of the corset which was making sitting anything but comfortable. My eyes moved to Connor, who was sitting by the fire and looked thoughtfully into the flames.

"Connor? Could you help me please?"

He blinked as I tore him out of his deep thoughts, nodded and came to me, to kneel behind me, stroked my hair over my shoulder and opened the laces, one after another. For a moment, the only sounds were the crackling of the fire and the rustling of the wind in the trees. The silence slowly became unbearable and although I was unsure about what to say, I finally broke it.

"I'm sorry." Connor paused and I didn't need to see his face to know that he didn't understand. "I'm talking about what happened", I explained. "Whatever is going on here, you got your mother back and your people. You should be with them and enjoy the time, no matter how long it takes."

Silence, until Connor finally turned to my corset again. "Do not think about it", he said. "I think it is good that it ended like this."

"Good? How? Weren't you happy to see them again? To see your mother again?"

"Of course I was." Connor pulled the last laces through the openings and took the corset off me to tidily fold it and put it beside the furs. "But this is why it is good that we are not in the village anymore. I would have get used to everything , I would have remembered and then? Then everything would have changed again and they would be gone. It is better like this." He wrapped his arms around me, pulled my back gently against his chest and leaned his cheek against my temple. "Do not think about things you cannot change."

"It's easier said than done", I murmured and felt him tighten his grip around me.

"I know. I know you." A kiss on my temple and Connor pulled away from the embrace to stand up. "I will set some traps outside. Maybe I can catch something for tomorrow. I will be right back."

I only nodded and was alone in the cabin shortly afterwards. It was hard for me not to think about Connor's words. I understood what he had wanted to say. Everything that was happening here wasn't right. It was a twisted reality which could be gone soon and whose end I even wished for. Another farewell from his people and especially his mother probably would be more painful for him than his decision to leave her with me. But still I wished he could use this time. But he was right: Decisions had been made which couldn't be influenced. As wishful it may be.

I sighed quietly and began to take off the rest of my heavy dress, slipped out of the boots and finally under the fur. I bedded my head on the provisional pillow and curled up on my side. Exhaustion seized me and I only wanted to sleep. To escape all of this and I began to hope that this was only a dream after all. That when I fell asleep now and woke up again, everything would return to what it used to be. That I was lying in our own bed in our home and only had to think of what the day was going to bring me. With these thoughts I closed my eyes, but only slid into a dozy state at first, until the cabin's door opened and closed again and Connor lifted the fur to lay down beside me. He laid an arm over me and felt his forehead leaning against the back of my head. My eyes closed and fading out our environment, I concentrated on the familiarity I felt and finally it helped me falling asleep.

* * *

The next morning, I hardly dared to open my eyes. I had had chaotic dreams and couldn't even remember any details. The first thought I had was the hope that the past events only had been a confusing dream. But the more my mind arose from sleep and the more I noticed with closed eyes, the more this hope vanished. There was the fur underneath me, protecting me from the stone ground and the fur that was covering me. The light draft that was brushing my arms, made me shiver and pull them under the blanket again. The birdsong, the rustling of the wind in the trees. I was still inside the small cabin and when I opened my eyes, I looked directly at the cracked wooden wall. I gulped. So it hadn't been a dream. My uncle really had been alive. There had been soldiers who had threatened innocent villagers in the name of a king who wasn't supposed to exist. I had met Connor's mother who had died long ago and his people, who hadn't accepted my presence and that was the reason why we were here. In a shabby cabin, in the middle of the forest.

Slowly I turned onto my back and noticed that Connor wasn't lying next to me. Hastily I sat up and shivered again as the blanket slipped off my shoulders and the cold morning air bit through my shift. Even the fire which Connor had ignited again, didn't give enough warmth but I was relieved when Connor entered the cabin in this moment. He smiled a bit when our gazes met and dropped the bag he had carried over his shoulder.

"Both traps were empty. I will have to go hunting if we want to have something to eat."

"Can we go together? I could gather something. I know what's eatable after all."

Connor shook his head and sat down beside me to unroll the fur we had used as a pillow and laid it over my shoulders.

"Your dress will be hindering in the forest and I will not be able to keep an eye on you the whole time."

I frowned. "You don't have to."

"You do not know this forest. I do not want you to get lost."

I mumbled something incomprehensible. He was certainly right but I didn't like the thought of being alone.

"Will you be gone for long?", I asked quietly and Connor shook his head.

"I will stay close, I promise. Along the river is a place where many animals are gathering to drink. I am sure it will not take long until I shoot something and I will come back immediately."

"Alright then", I murmured and freed my arms from the blanket to wrap them around Connor's neck. "Take care of yourself. I'm afraid after everything...that happened yesterday."

I especially thought of the incident in the village and the threat this Arnold had made towards Connor. As peaceful as this forest appeared to be, I doubted that this threat had been an empty one. Connor leaned his head back and put a hand on my cheek when he looked at me seriously.

"As soon as I am back, we will talk about everything. We will find out what happened to us and how we can undo it. I promise."

I nodded and tried to smile. I believed him when he promised me to find a solution, but I was unsure how we could do so. If there was a solution anyway. But for now I kept this concern to myself and pushed it back, as I gently took Connor's face between my hands and kissed his lips.

"Enough promises. You have to keep them after all."

"I will." Now he laid his lips on mine but remained a bit longer before pulling away from me and I was alone shortly afterwards, only surrounded by the noises of the forest and with no idea what to do with myself now.

 _I guess no house cleaning for today,_ I thought sarcastically while my gaze slid through the small cabin. There was nothing for me to do, but eventually I took my corset and decided to cut it open with the knife Connor had left behind for me, to pull out the fishbone-sticks. I hoped I could wear it like a bodice afterwards, but soon I had to realize that it wasn't as easy as I had thought. Swearing loudly I threw the now unusable piece of underwear aside. In the same moment sounded a knock on the door.


	57. Chapter 57

**_Kaniehtí:io_**

Paralyzed I sat on our camp and looked at the door, totally unable to react to the unexpected knock. Connor wouldn't knock and even if he did, he probably would have said something already. But who else should come here and have the decency to knock? I grabbed the knife, carefully crouched to the door and tried to see through a gap in the wall who was outside. I couldn't, but didn't have to anyway.

"Ratonhnhaké:ton?" Another knock and I was at the door in an instant to open it. Kaniehtí:io stood outside and looked me over with raised eyebrows until I realized that I was only wearing my shift and the fur over my shoulders. Embarrassed I wrapped the latter around my body. Obviously I had a knack for make an impression on my mother-in-law. No matter if it was a good or a bad one.

"I did not want to disturb you", Kaniehtí:io began. "I just wanted to talk to my son. But as I see, he is not here." She had shortly looked inside the cabin behind me and turned around to leave. Hastily I opened the door completely and took a step aside.

"He's hunting, but should be back soon. You can wait for him here...if you want."

She looked me over again and for a moment I expected her to reject, but she didn't. She nodded silently and stepped past me into the cabin. I noticed how she examined our bed for the night and believed to see her pressing her lips together, but this expression vanished as soon as it had appeared. Kaniehtí:io sat down next to the fire, putting the bundle she was carrying with her beside her and I suppressed the urge to offer her one of the furs. It seemed to be inappropriate after she had seen them on our place to sleep. So I did the same like her and sat in front of her by the fire. An embarrassing silence spread, at least I found it embarrassing. Kaniehtí:io looked serious but much more relaxed than I felt while her eyes move to my folded dress.

"Unfortunately it's...very uncomfortable to wear", I started hesitantly with the urge to say something as I followed her gaze. "That's why I took it off. I didn't plan to go outside so I'm...sitting in front of you like this. I'm sorry." I felt heat rising into my cheeks while I was looked over again.

"An apology is not necessary", Kaniehtí:io simply said. "I already expected something like this when I saw you stumbling through the forest yesterday."

I became even redder when I remembered the gazes she had given me on the way to the village. She grabbed beside her and gave me the bundle, which I took with confusion. Only now I noticed that it was a bundle of folded clothes.

"They are certainly more useful at the moment and will keep you warm."

I had to admit that I was so surprised by this gesture that I couldn't say anything while I unfolded the clothes. A skirt and a blouse which didn't seem so different from the clothes I normally wore. There were also a pair of leggings made of suede and something that reminded me of a woollen blanket but turned out to be a coat you laid over your shoulder and tied it.

"Thank you", I finally said and gave Kaniehtí:io a faint smile. She only nodded and again we became silent. I was unsure if her silence based on the fact that she didn't want to talk to me or that she was as taciturn as her son. I could deal with the latter, but the first was more difficult to accept. I wanted to take the clothes as a sign that she wasn't rejecting me as much as I thought. Maybe not as a sign of friendship but as a sign of approach. I tried to read something like this in her face but like Connor, she was good in hiding her emotions. Her face was almost blank while looking into the flames in front of her, but in this moment I saw Connor, sitting in almost the same posture by the fire yesterday. Was she thinking about what happened like he had?

"Kaniehtí:io, I..."

She raised her eyes as I started talking and interrupted me immediately. "Ziio."

I blinked in confusion. "Excuse me?"

"You do not have to stumble over my name. Calling me Ziio is enough."

"Well then...Ziio." I lowered my eyes to my hands I was kneading. I wasn't sure if I could find the right words but I wanted to speak out what was bothering my soul. "I wanted to apologize", I said quietly and raised my eyes again to look at her. "My appearance really was an ambush, I know. But it never was my or even Con...Ratonhnhaké:ton's intention to insult you and I certainly didn't want Ratonhnhaké:ton to leave your village because of me. I know how much you all mean to him, especially you as his mother and I don't want to be the reason for you to fight. What happened was my..." I stopped as Ziio raised a hand and shook her head.

"This is nonsense", she said shortly and I bit my bottom lip. Her tone was hard. Did I insult her after all?

"That you two are here is the responsibility of our clan-mother, not yours. She forced my son to make this decision and I can neither reproach him, nor you." She looked into the flames again, but kept talking. "Your appearance really was an ambush and I was anything but thrilled and I still do not know what to think about all of this. But I believe Ratonhnhaké:ton that he loves you. I know him good enough to see when he is really sure and is talking honestly to me. His decision to leave the village with you was the final proof and I accept it, although I still have my doubts. The life we are living is different from the life you know. Do you actually know what it means to live with a man like him?"

A faint smile curled my lips when I thought that this question was expected and I could understand her. I had used to fear that the cultural differences could break mine and Connor's relationship's neck in the end. I thought of how much we had learned about and from each other by now. Certainly I didn't know everything about Connor's people yet, as less as he knew about my. But until know we had always managed it to get over these differences and the resulting, possible conflicts. Either through acceptance, which was the pillar of everything or through compromises as we had made them for our wedding or Emily's education. Yes, I knew what it meant to live with a man like Connor but I also knew that I couldn't tell her. From her point of view, I never had had enough time to learn everything I had learned over the last years, as much as I hadn't been able to get used to the "simple" life.

"I probably don't know enough yet", I answered and decided just to talk about my thoughts I had had over the last years. Especially in the beginning when I had been the woman Ziio saw in front of her now. The woman who wasn't used to work or to take responsibility. It was the most honest way to explain myself to her.

"I am aware that it's an entirely different life and certainly not an easy one. At least not for somebody like me. But I don't mind. I'm ready to get to know this life and to adapt myself no matter how hard it's going to be, I know that I can do it. I want to because the life I lived has nothing to offer to me anymore. I need no wealth and comfort as long as I can't become happy. Knowing Ratonhnhaké:ton by my side makes me happy."

"That is what you are saying now. But what will happen in a few weeks, months or even years? When we are having hard times and you think of your old life where everything used to be easier. Will you still be happy?"

I frowned and cocked my head. "Of course. If I love someone and decide to live with them, getting over the hard times belongs to this decision. You cannot do it with fleeing into the apparent light-heartedness. It wouldn't be sincere."

A bitter smile flitted across Ziio's face as she turned her eyes to the flames. Maybe she thought I was naive. Blind, but wasn't I right? Of course it often hadn't been easy for me to adjust myself and especially my ideals to my new life but I had done it and had made it because the alternative would have meant that it had been a mistake to fall in love with Connor and come to him to America and I had always known one thing: It certainly hadn't been a mistake. It hadn't been easy all the time and it still wasn't but I was happy and leaving Connor was unimaginable. The memory of the grief and the incredible pain I had felt after this terrible fight about Ray, when I had been sure that our marriage was over. I never wanted to feel like this again and the thought of it alone caused a treacherous burning in my eyes so I quickly turned them to my hands.

"He's already part of my life", I said quietly and touched the ring-finger, where I normally wore the symbol of our bond. It wasn't there and still I didn't need it. I raised my eyes again and looked straight into Ziio's eyes which were almost the image of her son's. "If you worry I could hurt Ratonhnhaké:ton with leaving him, believe me this is never going to happen. I want to be with him and I'm totally serious about it."

Ziio didn't reply anything. She only looked at me and it made me nervous that she seemed to have the same ability to hide her feelings like her son. I would have liked to get an answer. No matter of which nature. It was important to me that she didn't think that Connor and I were together because of some sort of adolescent carelessness. Especially because we had left this heated age behind us long ago. But an answer never came, because our attention turned to the door as it opened and Connor stepped inside. His eyes widened in surprise when he saw his mother and I almost expected him to drop the filled bag he held in his hand.

"Istá? What are you doing here? I did not await you."

"I wanted to talk to you", Ziio answered and her gaze shortly slid to me. "And I used the chance to do the same with Lillian."

Now Connor looked at me, too. He seemed to be insecure but although I didn't know what Ziio thought about our conversation, I gave him a reassuring smile. The corners of his mouth twitched upwards, before he turned to his mother.

"What is it you want to talk about?", he asked and Ziio stood up.

"I want to talk to you in private", she said and stepped to him to the door, where she turned around again. "Good bye, Lillian."

"Good bye. And thanks again." I put a hand on the pile of clothes beside me and got a short nod as an answer before Ziio left the cabin, Connor following her. When the door closed behind them, I leaned my back against the wall behind me and took a deep breath. I hadn't noticed that I had sat there as if I had a broomstick instead of a spine. The conversation with Ziio had been more pleasant than I had expected it after yesterday. She hadn't hide her scepticism but I was glad she hadn't. It was her right as a mother after all. She only wanted the best for her child. I certainly wouldn't feel different if Emily should – in a hopefully distant future – come home with a young man. I hoped that I had made her doubts disappear. We certainly wouldn't become friends but I wanted Ziio to have a good feeling with her son's choice. The clothes she had given to me were a friendly gesture after all.

My fingertips slid over the blouse's fabric which I picked up and unfolded it. Now I saw that it was different from the clothes I knew. Its light-brown fabric was thicker and much heavier than the woollen pieces I wore in the cold seasons. Furthermore it seems like you simply had to pull it over. I saw no buttons or laces to close or tighten it. Involuntarily I became sceptical if this piece of clothing was going to look like I had put on a sack. But I was curious, too and so I unfolded the other clothes as well and wrapped myself out of the fur. Keeping my shift on I pulled the blouse over my head and it reached down to my thighs. It was anything but underlining my shape but didn't look like a sack. It fell pleasantly over my torso and was giving a hint of my shape. Furthermore I had noticed an embroidered leather belt when I had unfolded the clothes and I wrapped it around my hip after I had slipped into the skirt and the leggings. After a short time of consideration, I wore the top over the skirt and now it looked like a waisted dress and I liked what I saw when I looked down. The clothes were pleasantly to wear, were comfortable and warm, especially when I throw the coat-like fabric over my shoulders. Then I slipped into my boots, which were now the only remaining pieces of my old clothes beside the shift and the stockings. I didn't mourn them at the moment because I felt comfortable as I sat down on our bed with a satisfied smile, putting my long hair over my shoulders and braiding it, so that it wasn't hindering anymore. I finally felt set back into my habits and it have a feel of safety despite the ongoing confusion about our current situation.

When the cabin's door opened again, I was still sitting on the fur but had already started to wash and prepare the eatable roots Connor had brought in his bag. I paused as Connor entered and closed the door behind himself. Until now I hadn't asked myself what Ziio had wanted to talk about, but now I got concerned that my good feeling when they left had betrayed me. But Connor's face said nothing like this. He came to me, sat down next to me and waited until I had put everything out of my hands and turned to him.

"Is everything alright?", I asked, but now I saw a sparkle in Connor's eyes which drove my concerns away. A smile flitted across his lips as he nodded and returned my gaze.

"My mother wanted to talk about yesterday. She said she has thought a lot about everything, especially because of my decision to leave with you and obviously your conversation did the rest. Whatever you said to her, it affected her decision. She said she still has doubts but that she takes us seriously and that she is giving us her blessing."

With his last words, his smile had widened and at first, I couldn't do anything but to stare at him in surprise while my heartbeat quickened.

"You mean she...accepts me? Us?"

"I think this is what she meant with her blessing, yes." Connor appeared amused but I didn't care. I beamed and embraced his hands with mine. "This is great."

Connor nodded and looked down at our hands smiling. "This is not everything yet. She wants to talk to Oiá:ner and ask her to take us in again. She can make no promises, but she wants to come back tomorrow and it is possible that we can return to the village. That you will be welcome."

I didn't know what to say. Since all of this had begun, this was the first time that something really good was happening and I was incredibly happy about it. It made me happy to see Connor like this. So happy, optimistic, relieved. The rejection of his people towards me and him, had saddened him, but now everything was going to be fine again and I was sure that the chance to return to the village was less important for now. He had told me that he found it good not to get used to the life in the village after all. There was only one person he had really cared about: His mother and that she had assured him her support for his decision must have taken an incredible burden from his shoulders. No matter if all of this was going to end and we returned to our "reality", this decision was going to remain in his heart. I wished it so much.

Connor gently pulled his hand from mine and moved a bit away from me to let his eyes roam over my new clothes. "My mother gave them to you", he said, still smiling.

I nodded. "She saw that my clothes were hindering me and wanted to help me. I'm really grateful."

Connor took his time to have a close look at my appearance and really seemed to be pleased with what he saw.

"It lacks of jewellery but I have to admit that I like to see you in these clothes", he finally said and brushed the embroideries on the belt with his fingers and raised the same hand to let my braid slide through it. "It suits you."

A smile appeared on my face as he said this. To get a compliment from Connor was rare enough, but even in their simple ways they were special and made my heart beat faster.

"Thank you", I murmured, wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer for a kiss. I felt the corners of his mouth rising when he pressed me gently against his body. I enjoyed this moment of closeness, which was interrupted by the growling of my stomach too soon. The whole time I had felt no hunger, but now it demanded attention. I screwed up my face while Connor chuckled and pulled away from me, shaking his head.

"I left you here the whole morning without food. I am sorry. We should cook what I brought."

That sounded like a good idea.

We spent the rest of the day in the forest. I hadn't wanted to stay in the small cabin, especially because there were no heavy skirts that could hinder me anymore. Connor led me through the valley where he had spent most of his childhood and youth. For me it was a forest like every other one, but for him it was a place full of memories. Good and bad and I could see that he enjoyed strolling through this familiar area. I knew that he had avoided it since he had found his village abandoned a few years ago. Now we stayed away from this village that was anything but abandoned and we didn't talk about a possible return either. We talked about how to go on neither, although Connor had promised it in the morning. It seemed like he had forgotten it for now, but I didn't want to remind him. It would mean that we talked about getting home and away from here. Away from Connor's mother and I didn't want to do this to him. We spent another peaceful but cold night in the cabin but I pushed my disappointment and uneasiness aside when I woke up, because I had hoped everything would be over this time. I was lying on my back and stared straight at the cabin's ceiling. I heard a constant trickle. Obviously it was raining and a look to the side through a gap in the wall confirmed it. Drizzling rain fell down to the ground. The typical weather in autumn and one reason more to stay under the warm fur and set no foot out of the door. But like yesterday, I couldn't bear smallness of this cabin. I turned my head to Connor who was still asleep, one arm laid over my hip and his head buried in his other arm. It seemed like he was fast asleep but when I carefully lifted his arm to sit up, he opened his eyes and blinked at me lazily. "Where are you going?"

"Outside. Fetch some water, wash myself..."

Connor frowned and sat up enough to prop up on his arm and being with me on eyelevel. "Alone?"

I smirked. "No. I wanted to ask Madame Lièvre and Mademoiselle Chevreuil to accompany me."

"And who are they? Nobody else lives in this valley." Now Connor looked confused and I had to suppress a laugh in the face of his expression.

"Mrs Rabbit and Miss Deer", I explained grinning and laughed when he huffed and shook his head. He murmured something about me making fun of him, but I knew that he didn't take offense at it. He knew me.

Connor sat up, ran his hands over his face and covered his audible yawn before mumbling: "I will come with you. Rabbit and deer are not the only ones around here."

"I would prefer it", I admitted smirking when I stood up and wrapped myself into the coat-like cape. The river was only a few steps away, but I still felt better if I didn't have to walk around in these unfamiliar surroundings alone. According to Connor, cougars were still living on the plateau on the other side of the river after all. I wouldn't prefer ending as a predator's breakfast.

When I stepped in front of the cabin, the wind blew the fine raindrops into my face, leaving a shimmering film over the grasses and bushes. Fog wafted over the leaf-covered ground but I frowned as I looked through the trees, down the river, where the fog was much thicker and greyer. There was also a strange scent in the air. I hadn't noticed it in the cabin. Maybe I had thought it was coming from the fireplace, but here outside it was more intensive. The scent of smoke. I felt a shiver running down my spine when I realized that it was no fog. From the corners of my eyes I noticed how Connor left the cabin and stepped beside me. He froze when he saw the thick, grey wall. Rabbits, roes, foxes and other animals ran out of it. They were in panic.

"No, not again", I heard Connor whisper before he ran. I stayed for a moment, like frozen to the spot and only when he disappeared in the supposed wall of fog, I ran after him. The scent of smoke became stronger and stole my breath as soon as I was surrounded by it. It stuck in the wetness of the air and although it wasn't so thick that you couldn't see anything, it burned in the eyes and made me blink which didn't make it easier to get through the thicket. I couldn't see Connor anywhere, but I knew where he was heading to. To the village. I got sick with the thought that it probably was the source of the smoke because until now I hadn't seen anything that looked like a fire between the trees. When I finally reached the path to the village, this fear became cruel reality.

At first I only saw an orange flicker in the grey smoke but then the village's palisade rose in front of me and I saw the flames, biting through the longhouses' roofs, heard the crackling and cracking and the desperate screams of women, men and children. It felt like something wrapped around my chest and tied it up painfully tight. My breath faltered as I entered the village and finally saw what was happening. The village lay in ashes. Flames flickered through two of the longhouses. Women were trying to extinguish them. Children, armed with buckets, were running to the lake on the other side of the village to fetch water, Wreckage was scattered everywhere, still smouldering. Wreckage and bodies everywhere. Warriors of the village, some of them still with their weapons in their hands were lying beside men in the blue robes of the former patriots I had got to know as the cruel messengers of an illegitimate king. The ground was soaked with their blood. It looked like a battlefield. I didn't need to ask what had happened. I knew it. Benedict Arnold had carried out his threat and had attacked Connor's village while we had slept peacefully in our cabin. Tears rose into my eyes, not only because of the smoke. I had never seen something so brutal before. So much death and sorrow.

I didn't want to stand around useless, so I ran to the group of women who tried to extinguish the flames which were destroying their existence. I wanted to help them, but when I wanted to take a bucket of water from one of the children, I was shoved aside and looked into the angry but tear-stained face of one of the women. She hissed something in her mother-tongue and made an unmistakable gesture with her arm. She wanted me to go.

"I want to help", I said, knowing that she didn't understand me, but I pointed at the flames and the water-bucket. But she shook her head and pointed into the opposite direction, to the palisade. I gulped as I looked into the other women's faces, who were all unrelenting. I had no choice. I nodded slowly and turned away but instead of leaving the village I went further, searching for Connor. My gaze roamed over some villagers who were attending to the bodies, separating their relatives from the enemies. I heard women and children crying and noticed that it seemed like only the older of the men remained. Everybody else had fought and were either badly wounded and treated or belonged to the dead who seemed to be the superior number.

My heart became heavy as I found my way through the village which was now full of sorrow after I had seen it so peaceful and lively two days ago. But with all of this I had to think about what Connor must feel right now. He didn't see all this for the first time. In the contrary. He had already found his village in ashes once. Back then as a child, he had lost his mother in the flames. Now he was adult, the attack on the Mohawk had never happened in this reality. Until now. I needed to find Ziio. If I found her, I would find Connor, too, I was sure of it. I just hoped Ziio was fine.

I approached the longhouse where Connor had packed the things for our departure into the forest. It had fallen victim to the flames, too but they were already extinguished. The roof had collapsed. Wreckage lay around and inside the soot-blackened building. The entrance was only a black hole where I stopped hesitantly to look inside. Nobody was here and I was relieved in the face of the destruction. I went on and when I walked around the house, I found Connor. He kneeled on the ground and the blood froze in my veins when I saw that he was holding his mother in his arms. Her dress was stained with blood, but most of the blood was on her chest and Connor tried to hold it back with pressing his hand on this spot. Pure desperation was in his eyes. Ziio was conscious but struggled for keeping her eyes open. Her breath was weak and irregular and with a strained, quiet voice she said something in their language without turning her eyes away from Connor. He nodded as he replied something and I saw a small smile flitting across Ziio's face before she closed her eyes. She did some more breaths which became weaker and weaker until they died away. Connor's arms around her tightened as he pulled her closer. His shoulders slumped forward, as well as his head. I felt like everything around me blurred away. Every noise, every image. I just stared at Connor who clung to his mother, as if he could undo what had already become reality again. Connor's mother was dead.


	58. Chapter 58

_**To Mohawk Woman:** Well, now I'm curious to know what you're thinking. ^^ I always find it interesting to know about the readers' theories about my stories. But I'm glad you still like reading this one. :) Thank you.  
_

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 **58.**

 **Desperation and determination**

Desperation. This was what I felt when I just stood there and looked at Connor who was holding his dead mother in his arms. It was the desperation I had seen in his face but now he had lowered his head so that I couldn't see it anymore. I hadn't known Ziio and I probably hadn't had the chance to get to know her. That she had died had been one of the first things I had learned about her from Connor. But to see now that this terrible event, that was still causing him nightmares, happened again made me feel the same pain, as if I was the one who experienced this loss. If I could, I would undo everything to spare Connor the experience of losing his mother again. I could only imagine the agony he must feel, but there was nothing I could do for him. Entirely helpless I ran my hands over my cheeks to wipe away the tears that were unstoppably cleaving a way. Slowly I stepped to Connor and kneeled down next to him. One hand on his arm, I didn't only see him trembling, now I felt it. His whole body was tensed as if it was tearing him apart and his breathing was heavy.

"I should have done something", I heard him say quietly. "I should have been here and protect her. I could have done it. This time I could have done it but I was too late again."

It broke my heart to hear him speaking and to see him like this. I believed to understand what he wanted to say. When his mother had died in our reality, he had been a child. He had tried to safe her but had been too weak. He hadn't been able to but if he had been there this time, it would have been possible. I didn't care that he had said he wouldn't regret the decision to leave the village. Now I couldn't imagine that he still didn't.

"Connor, I am so sorry", I whispered, but Connor showed no reaction. He just sat there, holding Ziio in his arms and was silent. Slowly I pulled my hand back and folded her with my other in my lap. I didn't know how long we were sitting there while the village became more and more silent. Oppressively silent. Nobody ran around, the fires were extinguished, the dead were separated from the enemies. Only occasionally I heard sobs and crying, but beside this it was as if a thick, dark shroud had covered the village. A shroud of grief and although I still hadn't anything to do with this community that had been so terribly disturbed in its peace, I shared their pain and I didn't care if they had welcomed me or not. They were Connor's family and his pain would always be mine. Furthermore, nobody deserved such a fate, such a cruelty.

When steps sounded behind us, Connor and I raised our heads. It was the clan-mother who approached us, supported by her lavishly decorated staff. I couldn't read in her face what had just happened to her people. It was expressionless when she also looked at the dead Ziio.

 _»It was her fault«,_ she started and looked at Connor now. _»It was her fault, as well as yours. The bluecoats would not have attacked us if you had not intervened in their businesses. I always said it but you refused to listen and now you brought misfortune upon us«_

Connor gulped about her words but he frowned deeply when reluctance appeared in his eyes. _»They would have attacked us sooner or later anyway. When they had desired our land at the latest«_

 _»You cannot know it«,_ Oiá:ner replied coldly. _»You provoked them and that was why they attacked us. We were lucky in the hour of misfortune that your brothers stroke them back. But I will not bring us the dead back, nor our peace«_

Connor, who had looked at the clan-mother the whole time, lowered his eyes back to his mother. I saw him struggling inwardly and wished to be able to understand his native tongue. The tone of both and their reactions proved that their conversation wasn't of friendly nature and in the face of Arnold's threat, I could draw my own conclusions and wanted to support Connor in this conversation. But I could only sit there, silent like a fish. Probably it was better this way. Oiá:ner had also a clear opinion about me after all.

 _»I am sorry that all of this happened«,_ Connor finally said. _»You know that we would have never endangered the village willingly«_

 _»It does not matter if you did it willingly or out of stupidity«_ The clan-mother made took a few steps towards Connor and the cold expression in her face disappeared and became almost understanding. _»You suffered a great loss, Ratonhnhaké:ton and you can be assured that we will take care of your mother. But it would be better if you leave. Everybody is still disturbed and her presence«_ Her gaze shortly moved to me. _»does not help«_

Connor's lips pressed together as his grip around his mother tightened once again, as if he feared she could be taken away from him. He looked down at Ziio's motionless face and he raised a hand to gently stroke her hair. _»I understand«,_ he murmured but didn't move. It was as if he just faded the clan-mother and me out. Only after a short while, he carefully loosened his arms around Ziio and gently laid her onto the ground, as if he was bedding her on a soft pillow. Carefully he moved his hands to the back of her neck and loosened the knot of her necklace to take it off her. _»She wanted me to take it«,_ he explained without looking at the clan-mother when he stood up.

 _»You deserve it then«,_ she simply replied and Connor indicated to me, that I should stand up and come with him. When he passed Oiá:ner, he stopped once again and looked at her with a serious determination in his eyes. _»I will end this«,_ he said. _»I will let them pay, I swear«_

 _»I am sure you would find a way to make up for your mistakes. But you should not take more burdens upon you than you are able to bear, Ratonhnhaké:ton. Whatever you want to do: Be careful«_

Connor nodded shortly. _»Take care of you, too«_ With these words, he finally turned away and I followed him.

Again we crossed the village together, heading to leave it and I hardly dared to look around. It was still eerily silent and the sight of the dead bluecoats along the way was enough, as well as the scent of smoke, blood and death. I could have been relieved as we left the palisade behind and went into the forest which was entirely peaceful again. The smoke had disappeared, the animals had returned and everything was normal again. Nothing showed the horror that had happened behind the wooden wall around the village and neither it showed what Connor was leaving behind once again. His village, his mother... I glanced at him from the side and saw the hardness of his face which I hadn't expected and which I didn't know to interpret either.

"What did your clan mother say?", I asked quietly and carefully and he didn't even look at me when he answered.

"She founds my mother and me guilty for the attack because we helped the settlers. She wanted us to go to not antagonize the others."

I gulped when I remembered the old woman's cold expression, when she had started the conversation. Yes, Connor had drawn Arnold's attention to himself and his people, but in my eyes it wasn't fair to blame him for the death of so many men. What he had done had saved the life of many others, even children. He had wanted to do something good, not to harm anybody. He had been able to know what would happen. Neither had Ziio, who couldn't and shouldn't be blamed for anything. It hurt me that Connor had been exposed to such reproaches after his loss. Especially to another banishment from his village. He didn't deserve it. Nobody did. I fought against the tears which were almost overwhelming me. I didn't want to cry because I wasn't the one who had suffered this injustice. But I felt helpless, also when we finally reached the cabin and I motionlessly watched Connor packing our few belongings, except of my old dress and wrapping them into the furs. I didn't even know what he had planned to do now while he did all of this with a stoic calmness. He only faltered when he shouldered the bundle and turned around to me. His face lost its hardness and I saw him frown, before dropping the bundle and crossing the short distance to me. Only when he put his hands on my cheeks, I felt that I had lost the fight against the tears.

"Please, do not cry, Lillian", he whispered. "Please do not cry."

But it was already too late. A loud sob escaped my lips and made my shoulders twitch violently.

"I'm sorry", I uttered in a stifled voice. "I'm so sorry for everything. What happened...with your village and your mother. All of this shouldn't have happened. It's terrible and wrong. I wished...I wished you wouldn't have..."I paused and then it broke out of me. Everything that had accumulated inside of me over the last two days since all of this had begun, overwhelmed me. The fear of the unknown and the violence I had seen, in the village after my awakening and today in Connor's village. The help- and cluelessness, not to know what was happening and the resulting wish that all of this ended. That everything became like it used to be. That we returned "home". To Emily and Caleb... I wasn't able to keep on talking because everything that came over my lips was sobbing and crying. One single crying fit seized me and gave me no chance to calm down, no matter how much I wanted it. Through the veil of tears, through which I tried to look at Connor, I could see that he appeared helpless, too. Not as determined as before. He took my hands from my face and gently pulled me inside the cabin by my wrists, sat down onto the ground and pulled me beside him, because my legs had begun to shake like the rest of my body. As if I was Emily he had to comfort, he pulled me sideway onto his lap, bedded my head on his chest and just held me, while I cried everything off my soul that burdened it. I didn't even fight against it, although I had the feeling that I should be the one to comfort Connor, but it felt good that he was holding me. That he was giving me the feeling of comfort and safety, which I now needed more than ever. He was the only constant in this chaos. His presence wrapped me like a protecting cocoon and made me calm down. The unrestrained crying eventually became a quiet sobbing, which faded away, too, until my tears were running silently, expect of my shaky breath, over my cheeks.

"I am sorry", I finally repeated my words from before. "I am sorry that you had to go through all of this again. That your mother..." I had to bite my bottom lip as my voice wanted to slip away again. But what I had said until now seemed to be enough for Connor. He pulled me tighter against his chest and I heard the vibration in his chest when he said in a quiet voice: "There is nothing you have to be sorry for. Everything is fine."

Fine? Unbelieving I raised my head from his chest to look at him. "You just found your village in ashes. You saw that your people were slaughtered and that your mother was killed. Nothing is fine about that."

For a short moment, Connor pressed his lips together, so firmly that they were only a pale line and his gaze slid into the void, before he looked at me again.

"I do not want you to misunderstand it. All of this is terrible. It hurts. But...it is not unknown to me." He paused and licked his lips, as if it would make it easier to talk if he moistened them. "It may sound strange, but what happened today, already happened to me years ago. It certainly hurts, but I already learned to deal with it as well as I learned to deal with my mother's death. She may have died today and I would have done everything to protect her but...she is _already_ dead. For many years and this thought is not unknown to me and because of this reason I do not want to mourn her loss any longer and any more than I am already doing for years. I could see her again, could learn that she accepts you and wishes a future for us. All of this is incredible precious to me and I know that she would want me to look ahead and I already know what I have to do next." He put a hand on my cheek and smiled faintly. "So please do not mourn for me. There is no reason for it. We need to look ahead."

At first it was difficult to understand his words, because his loss was simply paramount in my eyes. But the longer I thought about it and the longer I saw this determination in his eyes, the more I understood him. He hadn't and never was going to be coping up with his mother's death, but he had learned to live with it. Like I had accepted the death of my parents. I had seen the pain he was talking about but I understood that he didn't want it to stop him. That he wanted to continue what he had started many years ago: To go his own way. I didn't know if I had the strength if this was about my parents, but I felt admiration and pride for him and managed it to smile back and to nod.

"Fine", I whispered and Connor took a deep breath, as if a burden was falling off his shoulders as he leaned his forehead against mine.

For a Moment, we sat there like this and I felt my sadness disappear more and more. It would never leave entirely, but I felt better. More hopeful since I had seen this Determination in Connor's face. It gave me the Courage to believe that we were going to find a way to leave the tragedy behind us and to return home.

"But what do you want to do now?", I asked. "Where shall we go?" I nodded at the bundle and Connor's gaze became more serious as he followed my hint with his eyes.

"We will search for Arnold and I will finish him. I will make him pay for my People and all the villagers who died because of him and then we will find Washington. He is the key if we want to get home." He spoke so clearly and determined that there as hardly a Chance to doubt his words. Bus especially the part about Arnold made my blood freeze in my veins.

"Arnold isn't alone", I uttered. "You are! How do you want to come Close enough to kill him? Not to mention how you want to find him."

"I do not know yet. But he is not the first Person I have to find and who has no soldiers around him." He looked deeply into my eyes and this time his Determination made me shiver. "Trust me, Lillian. I have to do this. Not for me but for everyone who was ever harmed by Arnold and he will not stop before he is stopped himself."

Slowly I shook my head although I knew that he wasn't entirely wrong. "But it's dangerous. It's suicide", I whispered and a faint smile flitted across Connor's face as he ran his hand over my cheek.

"It always is, is it not?"

We had chosen Davenport for our first determination. The only place that came into our minds, although we couldn't know what was awaiting us there since Connor obviously had never met Achilles and hadn't been able to help him making the homestead grow. But Connor hoped to get better weapons before searching for Arnold. Furthermore, it was going to take a two days journey through the frontier before we reached Davenport and maybe we would find some hints on our way there that could help Connor find him. Eventually hours had passed after we had left the Kanien'kehá:ka valley and Connor hadn't looked back once. Determined he had led me away and we always made short breaks while following the paths which led through the forest, over open meadows and occasionally through small settlements which were all lifeless, no matter if inhabited or not. The people did their works as if they were steered by invisible strings, their faces entirely expressionless. They didn't even pay attention to us when we passed them. You could feel their fear of what could happen to them. We saw this something in the uninhabited villages. Destroyed and plundered houses, rubble on the streets and dead animals on the meadows, enjoyed by scavengers. There was no sign of life, but neither there were human bodies which I wanted to take as a good sign. A sign that the villagers had made it to escape the bluecoats' cruelty. It seemed to be the only possible positive thought in this desolate and hopeless environment. When evening set, we had left such an uninhabited village behind us and had head into the forest to search for a place for the night. This time we couldn't enjoy the comfort of a cabin and above all, it looked like it was going to rain again. But we would have found it wrong to make ourselves comfortable in one of the abandoned houses whose owners had been driven away before. So we stopped by a small plateau that rose in front of us, overgrown by grass and trees and was offering at least some protection from the cold wind that was rustling through the thicket from time to time. We laid our furs onto an almost, ignited a camp fire and ate the rests of the rabbits Connor had caught during the day and which we had already cooked. We rarely talked to each other, but I didn't mind. There was nothing we could talk about anyway. Everything had been said and nobody of us wanted to further talk about what we had experienced today. I tried not to think about it either when we made ourselves comfortable on our makeshift bed. Connor pulled me against his warm body and assured me that I could sleep. But I couldn't stop my thoughts from circling around what could be ahead of us. Could Connor find Arnold and punish him? Could we get to Washington and find a way to return home? Did this way home exist anyway?

All these questions troubled and scared me, but when I put my lips into the crook of Connor's neck for a short kiss and he reacted with a gentle caressing of my side, I tried to talk myself into thinking that we would solve everything somehow and leave it behind us. Together, like we had overcome everything until now. I was successful for the moment and fell asleep, but this sleep was troubled and only short-lived. I woke up as soon as Connor's warm and protecting body beside me had disappeared and I shivered as a cold breeze got through the fur that covered me. I sat up, only to notice that Connor had carelessly thrown the fur aside when he had stood up. He must have been in a hurry and with rising fear, I tried to see something in the darkness around me. The only source of light was the camp fire, whose ashes were only glowing faintly, but my eyes got more and more used to these conditions so that I could see a kneeling shadow, only a few steps away from me.

"Connor?", I asked hesitantly and the shadow reached a hand out into my direction and hissed with Connor's voice: "Be quiet. Stay where you are."

I followed this order without asking questions, but my heart beat painfully fast in my chest. I tried to see what had alarmed Connor. Maybe a wild animal or a troop of bluecoats? I couldn't see anything and only heard the rustling of leaves beside the occasional screams of an owl and the constant dripping of the rain which could hardly get through the thick tree tops above us and still everything was already soaked by a damp wetness. It felt like an eternity while I didn't dare to move or to turn my eyes away from Connor, who remained in his own posture himself. The uncertainty and fear tortured me and my heart almost stopped as Connor finally moved to grab his bow in a single fluid motion, put an arrow on the string and trained its tip at a spot in the thicket opposite to our camp. Now I could hear the rustling coming from there. Something was approaching us. Something big. Something…with a rifle. At first it was only the shadow of a single man, training his long weapon at Connor, while he approached us with slow, careful steps.

"What's faster? Your arrow or my bullet?", I heard his deep, hoarse voice as he finally stopped. Now it was at least visible that he was wearing an ankle-length, wide coat and a wide-brimmed hat. I couldn't see more from his appearance but my whole attention was lying on his rifle anyway and it was still trained at Connor, who kept his bow up as well.

"If I were you, I would not test it", he growled and I heard the stranger chuckle. Full of uneasiness, I crawled to Connor whereupon the rifle's barrel switched to me and I regretted immediately that I had moved.

"Who is this?", the man growled alarmed and I froze like a deer that had smelled a hunter.

"My wife", was Connor's cold answer while he didn't turn his eyes away from the man. "She is unarmed so there is no reason to threaten her."

The rifle was still trained at me. "Are you alone?"

"Yes." I saw how Connor pulled the string further back. "You can stop aiming at her. Now."

The stranger didn't react at first, but then he lowered the rifle and I couldn't help but took a breath of relief. Connor stopped aiming at the man, too, but kept his bow and arrow ready in his hands while watching the man, who made a step backwards to the thicket.

"As I can see, you don't have much with you. You're also on the run, right?"

Also? My gaze slid to Connor, who stood up and came to me to take a protecting position in front of me which made me stand up and glancing over his shoulder to the stranger.

"What do you mean with 'also'?", Connor asked my silent question and after short hesitation, the man pointed behind himself into the forest.

"I've set a camp not far from here. With my wife and our four children. We had to leave our house a week ago after the bluecoats destroyed the village close to us. I'm a hunter, you know and so we lived distant enough to leave without getting caught."

Connor finally loosened the strain of the string when we heard this. The man's voice sounded honest and also concerned , but it seemed like we were both unsure if we could trust him anyway.

"Almost the same thing happened to us", Connor said. "And you said your camp is in the forest?"

The man nodded. "On a small clearing. We built a tent with a large tarp. I…", he hesitated and raised a hand to scratch the back of his head. "I guess there is still enough space. You can come with me…if you want. It isn't warmer but certainly dryer than your current place to sleep."

Connor and I shared a silent look about this unexpected offer. The hunter seemed trustworthy, but how should we know if we weren't wrong about it? He could be one of the bluecoats who wanted to lead us into a trap. But is invitation, as long as it was honest, was a chance to learn more about Arnold and the situation under Washington's rule.

"Maybe we should go with him at least", I whispered to Connor. "If we're getting a bad feeling on the way…"

Connor nodded slowly and pointed at our camp. "Pack the things together, I will keep an eye on him."

I did like I was told and in the meantime, it became entirely silent. The man seemed to watch each other until I shouldered the bundle of tied furs and returned to Connor. The stranger simply nodded shortly and indicated to us, that we should follow him and we did. Into the darkness of the thicket which was only interrupted a few minutes later by a camp fire in front of us. Soon I saw the large tarp of a tent that was stretched between the trees and I heard the quiet crying of a baby. There was no ambush of the bluecoats here. He hadn't lied to us.


	59. Chapter 59

**Individual fates**

We entered a small clearing, a small illuminated spot in the middle of the nocturnal darkness of the forest. Its centre was a provisional tent. A simple tarp, stretched between the trees. Several furs underneath it were used as beds where I could see three dark shocks of hair, peeking from underneath the blankets. A bit away from them flickered a campfire, a pot on a rack over it. A woman with ash blond hair had stood in front of it and had stirred the pot while trying to calm the constantly crying baby in her arms at the same time.

"She can't calm him down", I heard our companion mumble and as if she had heard him, the woman turned her head into our direction and hurried to us immediately, but stopped hesitantly as she finally noticed Connor and me and held the baby in her arms tighter.

"Where have you been?", she asked, without turning her eyes away from us. "And who the hell is this?" She spoke quietly, probably to not wake up the sleeping children in the tent and not scaring the baby any more, but still her suppressed fear and anger were clearly audible in her voice.

"I told you that I saw something. I wanted to check on it and found these two." Our companion turned to us and a crooked smile appeared on his face. "I am sorry, we didn't introduce ourselves. I'm Rodrick and this is my wife Jennifer. The little one is our youngest son Alan."

"Ratonhnhaké:ton and Lillian", Connor introduced us, too and I gave him a short glance from the side, as he introduced himself with his true name without hesitation. I had never seen him doing it directly, but in the face of his appearance, everything else would cause more questions than necessary. Rodrick nodded and turned to his wife again, who was still looking us over, her lips pressed together and rocking her child in her arms. Without success.

"They are on the run, too. They don't have much with them and no dry place to sleep. I thought we have enough space for two more in our tent and so I invited them."

"Oh, you did?" Jennifer's voice was sharp like a knife when she looked at her husband. "Just like that. You simply trust two strangers?"

"Do you think the king has spies in the form of dispossessed, young couples? Come on..."

"Do you know it better? A native and a white woman in native clothes. It doesn't seem weird to you?"

"That's exactly why I don't find them suspicious. It's too weird."

I felt a rising discomfort while the fight between the two became more and more heated. I could understand Jennifer's distrust, but this fight appeared very exaggerated to me. My helpless gaze moved to Connor, who was watching this spectacle that was still drowned by the baby's crying, with an unmoved expression and crossed arms. I couldn't. When I cleared my throat, the couple's whole attention turned to me and I tried not to step on the spot.

"There is no reason to fight", I started. "We don't want to cause any trouble. We will leave again."

I saw Connor nodding, but Rodrick raised his hand and shook his head. "You will stay. Please, Jen! Don't you trust me at all?"

Jennifer pressed her lips together and stared at some spot beside her husband. It didn't seem like she wanted to answer his question, but she nodded and without saying anything more, she returned to the fire. I heard Rodrick taking a sigh of relief and he visibly forced himself to smile when he indicated to us, that we should follow him to the fire, too. I felt uncomfortable in this tensed atmosphere between the couple. It felt like we were intruding their privacy, although we didn't really know them. But neither Connor, nor I said anything about what we had witnessed as we followed Rodrick's invitation and sat at the warm fire. The scent of several herbs rose from the pot. A tea Jennifer must have cooked and which she offered to us. Connor refused but I was grateful to have a cup of the hot drink. It had stopped raining but I was soaked and freezing, so I was grateful for the chance to warm up. Sipping on the tea, I let my gaze move to the tent as secretly as possible, where the other three children were still sleeping soundly while their parents were sitting tensely at the fire. Jennifer still tried to calm Alan who was still crying and Rodrick had leaned his rifle against a rock behind him and stretched his hands towards the fire. He still tried to appear calm, but the way he clenched his fists when he closed his hands, betrayed him. But his crooked smile was amazingly solid when he looked at Connor and me.

"I know there are certainly more pleasant things to talk about but may I ask how you ended up in the forest? Where are you from?"

I shortly glanced at Connor, not sure if and what we should reveal about ourselves. He returned it and just nodded slightly, the signal that he was taking over and I was glad about it. Connor had a better intuition for such situations where every wrong word could be fatal because Jennifer probably was still thinking we belonged to the enemy. A short silence, while Connor folded his hands in his lap and looked at the flames in front of him.

"My village is west of here. It was attacked last night and because it was my fault, we left."

Once again I was surprised by Connor's honesty, but I was also tempted to disagree to his last statement. The attack wasn't his fault, but as if he sensed my inner objection, Connor looked at me and shook his head. Rodrick had frowned in the meantime and gave Connor a questioning look. "I never heard that the king and his men were caring for the natives."

"He did not. But I sided with some villagers who were attacked. Benedict Arnold obviously took it as a reason for target my people."

Rodrick's eyes widened and he straightened up, before leaning to Connor. "It was you? The native who competed with the bluecoats? Who butchered them until nobody was left?"

"I did not butcher anybody and neither did I kill them all. I supported the villagers until Arno and his men retreated.

"Hm, it's told differently. To be honest, I never wanted to believe the stories. There are so many things told about you, but it's certain that you were the first man in a long time who stood up against them. You've earned the people's admiration for it."

"It did not feel this way when the villagers reproached me for my help." Connor had crossed his arms again, frowning and obviously anything but pleased about what he heard. Obviously some settlers had made him some sort of local celebrity and to accept this or to feel honoured didn't suit him. He didn't want to be a hero or a celebrity, but the admiration in Rodrick's eyes had been almost blazing and also now he raised a hand to wave aside.

"But it already subsided. In the end, everybody knows that they shouldn't accept how they are treated. But nobody dares to..."

"Oh, Rodrick shut up! Everybody has a good reason not to dare anything, don't you think?"

I winced when Jennifer interrupted her husband so rudely. Her eyes flared in anger when she looked at him. "And as if you would dare to rise and join the rebellion! You didn't do anything else but to drag us into the forest."

"Because you need me more than the rebellion does. What will happen to you and the children, if I join them?"

"As if it makes a difference if your with us or not." Jennifer's voice was cold as ice when she said this and I saw Rodrick wince. Pain flared up in his eyes and he lifted a hand, only to drop it back to his knee as if he had wanted to touch Jennifer, despite their separation through the fire. But she didn't even look at him and stared at the flames. Once again it felt like we shouldn't be here.

The following silence, only interrupted by the whiny hiccups of the baby, was nothing else but unpleasant. I wished I could hide in my cup, but I could only hold it at my lips and imagine I could hide behind it. Only when Connor cleared his throat, I dared to come out.

"You said something about a rebellion", Connor started, as if the fight between Jennifer and Rodrick had never happened. "What did you mean by it?"

Rodrick, who had stared into the flames almost resigning, raised his eyes again and again, he seemed to be surprised. "Didn't you hear about them?", he asked and Connor shook his head. "They are some sort of small...army of the most different kinds of people. Farmers, merchants, soldiers. I heard even redcoats are among them. They formed some time ago and are fighting against the king and his men. They want to overthrow the regime. A revolution, if you want to name it this way."

"Like the patriots against the British?"

Rodrick nodded after Connor's question and my husband thoughtfully turned his eyes to the fire. What we had just learned was very interesting for us. It seemed like this rebellion was having the same aims like us, or better to say, like Connor and this meant that he didn't need to fight alone and I didn't need to fear that he killed himself with his determination to avenge his mother and village. I felt hope when I turned to Rodrick and asked: "Do you know where to find them?"

The hunter slowly shook his head. "They are scattered. There is no main camp, if this is what you want to know, but I don't know any small camps either. They are secret, only known by the members. Who wants to find them has to talk with one of them. They are outnumbered, so they are careful. I didn't hear of them for quite a while."

It sounded terribly plausible and I felt that the hope was stamped into the ground again. To find the rebellion without any clues was going to be like the search for the needle in the haystack.

"What about Benedict Arnold? What do you know about him?" When Connor asked this, a bitter expression appeared on Rodrick's face and he glanced at his wife, who seemed to be more tensed than before.

"What everyone else knows", Rodrick growls. "That he's a vicious son of a bitch who would wipe the king's ass if he had to. He took up quarters in a fort near Valley Forge. He almost reigns it like a king himself. Sends his men to tyrannize the people in the name of the king. I think our not so noble king doesn't care about what Arnold is doing. As long as nobody turns against him."

While speaking, Rodrick's hatred against Arnold had been clearly visible. His gaze was glaring, especially when it turned to Jennifer who just sat there and didn't say anything. I couldn't hold it against him after everything I had heard about Arnold's ruthlessness. That he was ruthless stood out of the question, but maybe this word was still too harmless. How could you call someone who obviously loved to tyrannize people and didn't shy away from killing randomly? No matter if man, woman or child. I looked at Connor who appeared totally determined again, now that he had learned about Benedict Arnold's whereabouts. Searching for him was unnecessary, but I wouldn't be able to stop Connor anyway. But that I was going to support him as good as I could was out of the question.

I had a last sip from my tea and kept the empty but still warm cup in my hands. It was silent again, but nobody seemed to strive for another conversation. Only when little Alan calmed down and only sobered occasionally, life returned to Jennifer. She sighed quietly and obviously in relief and stood up. She made effort to go to the tent, but she stopped and looked down at me, obviously hesitating.

"Lillian, do you want to…come with me and prepare your bed for the night? I can show you where we have enough space."

Without further thinking, I stood up, grabbed our bundle and followed Jennifer to the tent. An oil lamp dangled from a post by the entrance and now I had a better view on the three little figures, cuddling under the fur and sleeping soundly. A smile flitted across my face when I saw this touching scene.

"Children always seem so peaceful when they are sleeping. As if they could cause no chaos", I said smirking when Jennifer took my empty cup and put it to the rest of used dishes. She simply nodded shortly.

"Maybe. It would be better if they had this peace when they are awake, too. But when they are awake, they are either too energetic or are simply afraid and I don't like any of this."

My smile disappeared after these bitter words and the likewise bitter expression in the other woman's face. What had she and her family endured that made her acting this way? Whatever it was, in the face of the general situation I couldn't hold it against Jennifer and I already regretted my words. Silently and carefully, I followed her to the left side of the tent which was about six feet wide. Jennifer pointed at a spot on the meadow we were on and said: "You can sleep here. We're just an arm's length away but I hope you don't mind."

I shook my head and smiled gratefully. "It's very kind of you to take us in."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Why shouldn't we help each other while everything perishes anyway?" She turned away with this cynical sentence, only to sat down on her own bed and to lay Alan on the fur. The little one uttered another quiet whimper.

"Not again. Be quiet." Jennifer's voice sounded desperate as she caressed her son's belly with her hands, after she had wrapped him out of the cloth. Slowly I lowered the bundle in my hand and kneeled down next to her, looking at Alan. I wasn't sure how old he could be. Maybe two or three months, but either way, he appeared tiny and weak. He hardly had the strength to lift his arms although he obviously wanted to grab for his mother. But I particularly noticed his swollen belly. I remembered when Emily had suffered under winds and terrible stomach aches, but I had never seen her belly so round and swollen. It almost looked unnatural and horrified me.

"Is he sick?", I asked concerned and saw Jennifer pressing her lips together.

"Hungry", was her short answer. "Like all of us. I don't have enough milk to nurse him, so I try to feed him with normal food. He doesn't tolerate it, but there is no other way to feed him." Her hands kept stroking over the swollen belly, but it would probably bring Alan only a short relief. He needed proper food, but if Jennifer wasn't able to give it to him...

I bit my bottom lip as I was seized by a wave of pity. The conditions the people here had to live in, kept showing themselves. On the run, afraid, without a safe home and above all hungry. I didn't want to imagine how it must feel like to be forced to make your children feel such sorrow and once again, I understood Jennifer's bitterness.

"Did you try herbs?", I asked carefully. "Against his stomach aches and also for your milk. I don't know much about it, but I heard there are ways to support the body in this issue."

Jennifer raised her eyes and looked at me under raised eyebrows. "Don't you think I already tried it? My husband is a hunter. I often dealt with the fruits of the forest, but I have no time to gather herbs and it's much difficult in this season anyway. But thanks for your suggestions."

I bit my bottom lip again, after she had turned to her son. Her voice had sounded anything but grateful. Rather offended because I had interfered at all.

With an oppressive feeling in my chest, I stood up and turned to the small space Jennifer had given to Connor and me. I loosened the strings around the bundle, before unrolling the furs and arranging them like in the nights before. The whole time, Jennifer was sitting by her son, who's crying grew quieter until it ended. I heard her sighing and stopped smoothening the last fur as Jennifer asked in a dull voice: "Do you have children?"

It hurt to think of Emily and that she couldn't, certainly didn't exist in this reality. But still I didn't know what to answer and so I chose a part of the truth: "We wish to have some."

I saw Jennifer nodding slowly. "Reconsider it. This isn't the time for raising children. I'm sure you will think I'm heartless, but sometimes I wished I was alone. Without children." Jennifer sat up and her hands stroked over her skirt while she was looking at her three little ones. "I love them all with all my heart, but I wished they didn't need to endure this. The three older ones can cope with it reasonably, but especially for Alan I thought it would have been better if he hadn't survived the birth. He would be safer in God's arms than he is in mine."

She said these words in such a calm tone which made me doubt that she hadn't had this thought for long already. It shocked me. It would be a natural impulse, especially for a mother, to ask herself how she could say something like this about her own child. To wish her own child dead. But although everything inside of me resisted accepting her words, I couldn't deny that I could understand her intention and one look at Alan confirmed it. He wasn't well. He wouldn't be able to grow up unhindered and healthy in the situation the family currently was in. He was so small and weak and he was suffering. How much must it hurt Jennifer to see him like this? I would have liked to say something to encourage Jennifer, but there was nothing I could have said without sounding like a hypocrite. I could neither tell her that everything was going to be alright, nor I could give her wise advices. I had never seen my child starving and could be happy about it. So I chose the only right thing: I stayed silent and sat down on our bed for the night, my hand constantly running through the fur. Although I had wanted to wait for Connor, I laid down anyway and cuddled up in the soft blanket. I was tired, but my mind had got so much to think about that I doubted I could sleep peacefully. I looked at Jennifer, who had also taken a more comfortable position and her gaze had moved outside to the fire, where the men were still sitting and talking quietly.

"Now they are both sitting there, keeping watch", she murmured. "But still they are going to realize that they can't be everywhere to protect us."

I didn't understand what her made saying this, but her voice was full of bitterness again so that I didn't dare to answer. Jennifer suffered so much that I almost thought I could feel the weight on her shoulders myself. I wished it was going to be taken off her sometime. That she could raise her children in peace. The four of them.

* * *

It had taken long until I had fallen asleep at last. Alan had kept crying from time to time and half asleep I had thought he was Emily and had wanted to get up and go to her. But then I always remembered that my child wasn't here and this realization kept hurting. When I had finally been able to fall asleep, I slept so deeply that I didn't notice how Connor eventually laid down next to me and stood up again a few hours later, to release Rodrick from his watch. When I woke up, he wasn't there, the tent was mostly dark and except of Rodrick's snore, it was silent. I turned onto my back and stared at the tarp which was like a stained, sandy sky above me. Day must be dawning, according to the faint light falling through it. Another morning in this odd reality. A sigh escaped my lips as I closed my eyes and stood up shortly afterwards, wrapped myself into the blanket and grabbed for my boots. I couldn't bear staying in this tent, alone with the family who was fast asleep, even Alan. I looked at Jennifer and Rodrick. You couldn't see the distance, which seemed to reign between them, now that they were sleeping. Rodrick had wrapped an arm around his wife, his head buried in her shoulder blades. They looked peaceful and still I had learned that they were suffering. I felt like an intruder, the longer I stayed here.

Quietly and carefully, I sneaked out of the tent, slipped into my boots and let my searching eyes wander over the clearing. The fire was already extinguished, the light of the dawning day fought its way through the leaves of the trees and made the morning dust on the ground shimmer. I could have entirely turned to admiring the beauty of nature, but it was far more important to me, that I couldn't see Connor anywhere. I started to get concerned and asked myself if he had gone hunting, but then I heard a quiet whistle in the trees above me. Confused I turned into its direction and only then I noticed the wooden platform in the top of the tree. Connor was kneeling on it and looked over the edge, down at me. Smirking I went to the tree and the ladder leaning against it, hung the warming fur over my arm and climbed up. Connor had leaned against the trunk by now and watched me taking a seat next to him and wrapping myself into the fur again, shivering.

"You could have stayed inside", he said and sounded almost reproachful, as he loosened my grip around the fur to lay it over his shoulders as well and pull me closer, so that he warmed me. I sighed quietly when I leaned my head against his shoulder.

"I don't well comfortable with the others", I said honestly. "I feel like an intruder. They have so many problems…"

Connor just nodded when I stopped and held me tighter for a moment. "I know. They have gone through terrible things in the last few months. Sometimes it is like the people's situation is far more worse than it was back then during the war. But the stories of these individual fates always seemed to be so far away. To hear about them now is…difficult to handle. Especially when I think of you."

"What about me?", I asked in confusion and frowned. "I think it will be much easier for us. It's only the two of us, they are six. And believe me, I will be fine. You don't need to worry." I smiled and raised my head to look at him, but Connor's eyes were serious, his jaw tensed, as he just stared straight forward.

"This is not what I mean. I want to do everything to protect you from what happened to Jennifer. The men we…I am going to deal with are much worse than all the criminals I dealt with during the war or anytime else. They are uncontrolled animals."

I had hardly been able to concentrate on his last two sentences. I was too confused by his remark about Jennifer. Obviously we were not talking about the same thing, at least not entirely. I had referred to the family's sorrow in general, but it seemed like I didn't know enough details and the thought alone made me feel a lump in my throat.

"What are you talking about?" I hardly dared to ask this, because a part of me already knew the answer. "What happened to Jennifer?"

Connor turned to me again and a concerned expression appeared on his face. "I thought...you talked about it. I mean...I saw that you had a serious conversation."

"We talked about her children and that she wished she wouldn't have to raise them under such conditions. Furthermore she said something like you, the men, couldn't be always there to protect us..." My voice had faded away during the last sentence. Something had come to my mind that made me shiver in horror while further thinking about it. Jennifer's behaviour towards Rodrick. Her remarks by the fire, when he had said he wanted to be there for his family and she had said his presence wouldn't make a difference. All of it revealed a terrible context with Connor's words.

"So the blue coats did something to her and Rodrick...wasn't able to protect her?", I asked quietly and shivered again, not only because of the morning cold. I didn't need Connor's confirming nod, but I wished it didn't exist. He hesitated, but after I asked him, he told me what Rodrick had told him yesterday by the fire. With the warning that he should keep an eye on me.

Three months ago, Arnold's soldiers had come to the family's house to demand the "levies", how they loved to call it. Rodrick had been on the hunt and Jennifer alone with the children. Back then she had been heavily pregnant, about a month before birth. But it hadn't put the soldiers off. It had confirmed them in their feeling of power in a sick way. They had raped her. In front of her children's eyes and had only left her when she had writhed in pain. The violence she had suffered had triggered labour and when Rodrick had come home, he had found his unsettled children and his wife, writhing on the floor. Nobody had cared that Alan had been born healthy and Jennifer's words, that she wished the little boy hadn't survived birth, got a far more terrible meaning. When I remembered Emily's birth, there was no memory of the pain but only of the joy and happiness I had felt when I had finally hold her in my arms. But how must Jennifer feel when thinking of this day? Yesterday in the tent, I had believed I could feel the weight on her shoulders, but now this thought seemed to be ridiculous. I would never be understand what she had gone through. When somebody had tried to rape me, I had escaped. I had suffered light physical and certainly mentally injuries, but they were healed and had left no scars. But Jennifer?

I took a deep, shivering breath as I closed my eyes and tried to bring my thoughts and feelings in order. It felt like everything was rushing through my mind at the same time. All the events I had witnessed in the last two days. All the terrible things I had learned about this time we had been thrown into. Everything created a dark picture sorrow and cruelty and once again I wished I could escape all of this. When I opened my eyes, they turned to the family's tent on their own accord.

"Do you think it can be ended?", I asked Connor quietly. "What the people are going through?"

"If you find the spring and destroy it…of course."

"You mean Arnold?"

Connor shook his head. "Did you not realize it yet? Arnold is a river, rising from the spring. The spring is Washington."

"You mean, after Arnold you want to find Washington, too? A…king?"

"A man." Connor looked at me and again I shivered as he looked right into my eyes and said in an icy tone. "'King' is a title and the man behind it is a creature of flesh and blood who you can find and destroy and I am not only talking about killing him. You can take his title and power from him and this is what I am going to do. If Washington loses his power, not only all of this will be over." In the middle of his sentence, he raised a hand and put it on my cheek while his eyes and voice became more gentle. "We will return home. To our daughter."


	60. Chapter 60

**The way home**

Connor's words should have made me feel hope because they had promised what I currently wished for the most. I wanted to get home. To our daughter, but initially I was confused. I sat up and pulled a bit away from Connor's embrace to give him a questioning look.

"Why are you so sure about it? What makes you think this anyway?"

"I am just guessing but it makes sense and so I am sure", Connor explained and when I cocked my head, even more confused, he continued. "When I met my mother, shortly after I woke up after touching the apple, she talked about Washington. She spoke about how he got his power and mentioned a sceptre which is giving him this power. I did not further think about it, neither I did later. But when she visited us in the cabin and wanted to talk to me, we talked about Benedict Arnold and also spoke about Washington. When she mentioned the sceptre again, I asked her about it. She said she saw it only from the distance and he guards it as the apple of his eye and never gives it away. Yesterday Rodrick told me that they say he is just a king because of the sceptre and they do not mean its symbolism. They say the sceptre has magical powers. That Washington can kill with it without getting closer to his enemies. Rodrick never saw something like this and does not believe it, but my mother was certain that there is something about the sceptre that makes Washington powerful."

"And...you want to steal the sceptre from him?", I asked slowly. He nodded. "Apart from the fact that I think this is a pretentious plan: How is it supposed to help us getting home?"

Now Connor was the one cocking his head but looking at me almost expectantly. "Do you really not know it?", he asked me and I felt terribly stupid all of the sudden. I hated it when people expected me to know something I really didn't. So I simply raised an eyebrow to hide my uneasiness and clicked my tongue. Connor understood and the corners of his mouth twitched upwards for a moment. Obviously he already knew what I was thinking.

"They say Washington had sudden success in the Seven Year's War. And the War of Independence could only be ended because of him, too and shortly afterwards, he was king. We both know that Washington would never have been able to have such success on his own. So he had to have something that changed history so dramatically. Think of it: He obviously possesses an object with great power..." He made a meaningful break which wasn't necessary anymore. I had understood.

"He possesses a Piece of Eden", I uttered and saw Connor nodding.

"I think it is even the same Piece he showed us and which probably brought us here."

"And you think if we get the Apple, it will bring us back?"

A nod again and I could finally understand Connor's optimism. It sounded logical, but still I saw a fundamental problem in this plan.

I pulled away from the trunk and made Connor put down his legs with a gentle pressure on his knees, so that I could straddle his lap and put my hands on his chest. He seemed to be confused at first, especially when he noticed my serious gaze. But I wanted to look at him directly instead of staring upwards from the side. This conversation and my concern were too important.

"Connor, we're still talking about someone who allows his men cruel actions against the people. Furthermore it won't be so easy to get closer to him." I noticed that Connor wanted to contradict against what I was going to say, but I raised a hand. I hadn't finished yet. "I know he's not the first person you have to find and so on. I know what you're able to do and I totally trust your skills. If somebody asked me if there was someone who could take the Apple from Washington, I would not hesitate saying that this person is you. But you are...no god. You're not invulnerable and above all, you are not immortal." My hands left his chest and gently embraced his face instead, while looking deep into his eyes. "I am already afraid to know that you want to confront Arnold alone, but I'm horrified when I think of Washington. We don't know the whole power of the Apple. What if the stories are true? If he can kill with the sceptre? Even the best training wouldn't help in this case."

Connor's frown had become deeper and deeper while I spoke and I didn't know how to interpret this reaction. He didn't seem to be angry, rather thoughtful. But he neither looked like he was going to agree to my words immediately. I didn't expect it, but I hoped I could bring him to his senses at least. I didn't doubt him, but I was afraid he could be seized by pure recklessness and risked his life for it. As much as I wanted to go home, it wasn't worth it. He was my only home in this strange reality and I didn't want to lose him.

"What do you think I should do? I can neither spare Arnold, nor Washington", Connor said and I lowered my hands back to his chest while taking a deep breath. The truth was: I didn't know. What was the right thing to do? What was wrong? I doubted that there was a right or wrong at all.

"I do understand that you can't and don't want to spare either of them", I answered hesitantly. "But maybe you should find help at least."

"You mean the rebellion?"

I nodded. "They want the same thing and I think you could help each other."

"But we do not know where to find them and Rodrick said, that no one knows anything about them. We cannot waste time chasing phantoms."

I lowered my eyes in the face of the obvious reluctance in Connor's voice. Why was he so stubborn? So narrow-minded?

"But they have to find new members somehow. There must be a place where they...recruit or something like that. Maybe in Boston. Don't you think that it's logical or do you not want to think it at all?" I hadn't been able to stop my voice from sounding far more irritated than intended. Of course, Connor noticed it and the wrinkles on his forehead became deeper as he looked at me. Nobody of us said a word. We just looked at each other, as if we were having a mental conversation, but in the end we wanted to read in the other's eyes how we could find an agreement. I, for my part, just didn't understand why Connor found it so difficult to include the rebellion in his plans. It seemed so terribly obvious to me.

I already started doubting that our silent discourse would ever find an end, when a voice sounded from further down and called for Connor. Silently I climbed off his lap so that he could turn to the platform's edge to look down. Rodrick was standing there, a rifle over his shoulder.

"I thought we could go hunting together. We would be much faster and won't go far away from the camp."

Connor nodded without hesitation. If he could only give a likewise quick response to my questions. "I am coming down."

He turned to me, who had wrapped herself into the fur again with, a grim expression on her face. He moved closer and returned my gaze with serious eyes. "Our first aim is to get to Davenport. When we are there, we can still think of how to go on and I will think about your words until then, I promise. Fine?"

I nodded silently. At least, this promise was better than nothing. Connor put a hand on my cheek, leaned forward and I closed my eyes when his lips touched my forehead. I hated having the feeling that an important issue was being delayed. I wanted a final answer. Now.

* * *

After Connor and Rodrick had set off into the forest, I helped Jennifer preparing a breakfast for her children with the few ingredients she had gathered yesterday. It was difficult for me to behave in front of her as if I wouldn't know what had happened to her. Now in daylight, I could finally see what a beautiful woman she was, but the marks of the past were clearly visible. Although she was probably only a few years older than me, she already had some grey strands in her blonde hair. Dark shadows lay under her cornflower, lifeless eyes, her skin was as pale as ashes and marked by wrinkles around the corner's of her eyes and mouth, which made her look even more sad and serious. I didn't saw her smile once, although she obviously tried to behave as relaxed as possible in front of her children.

The children were far jollier than I had expected it. Oddly quiet, but very lively. The seven-year old Glenda, the eldest child with her twin-brother Owen, had ran to me almost thrilled as Jennifer had introduced me and had asked me, if I really was a native. She was a bit disappointed when I told her I wasn't, while inwardly hoping she wouldn't assail Connor as well when she met him. She was a keen girl, helping her mother whenever she could. Her brother was also busy looking after the four-year old Vaughn. I admired the children for their strength. They were young and had already experienced and seen terrible things, but were still radiating an incredible vitality. I only wished this jolliness could infect their mother as well, but it seemed like there was no hope for that. Jennifer was totally concentrated on her own work and especially on Alan.

After the children had had their breakfast - for me it had been out of the question that I forwent it, like Jennifer - I sat in the grass with little Glenda and braided her hair the same way I wore mine. In the meantime, she told me a lot of stories she probably had been told once. Myths, fairytales, legends...all of them obviously not quite complete or in the correct order, but I liked listening to her. Despite her chattiness, she was a very loveable girl who beamed at me after she had checked the finished braid with her hand. We stayed for a while and kept talking until a loud bang sounded and two more shortly afterwards. In an instant, Jennifer told the children to go inside the tent, pushed Alan into Glenda's arms and a rifle into my hands.

"Do you know what to do with it?", she asked me shortly and I hesitated. By now I could handle a pistol, but a rifle? It seemed to be totally different but Jennifer gave me no time to answer. Armed herself, she ran to the thicket around the clearing and looked into the direction of the shots.

"This weren't our men", she said when I stood beside her and we both stared into the forest, hiding behind the thicket and our rifles ready to fire. Unfortunately I couldn't contradict. Rodrick was the only one with a rifle and he hardly could shoot several times within seconds. So there had to be other shooters and they were at least three.

"Do you think they are bluecoats?", I asked and Jennifer pressed her lips together.

"Maybe. If you see one of those bastards, shot him. We can hardly defend ourselves if they attack, but we can at least try to take some of them with us."

I gulped with these words, which had been spoken out so coldly and full of hatred. But when there was snoring of horses and cracking in the thicket, we raised our weapons and aimed at the source of the noises. It wasn't quite easy for me. My hands were shaking, also when I pulled the lever to finally ready the rifle. I tried to fully concentrate on aiming. To protect Jennifer's children as good as possible. But my mind kept wandering to Connor and Rodrick. Had the shots been for them? Or had they heard them, too and were going to join us soon? I hoped for the latter. The horses' noises and their slow approach became louder and when the first became visible, Jennifer and I raised our weapons a little higher. But I lowered mine again.

"Don't shoot", I uttered. "It's them!"

Really. Connor was the first to find his way through the forest to us, Rodrick close behind him. Both had a horse with them, but my full concentration lay on the men themselves. On the first sight, they seemed to be unharmed and also when they finally reached us, I could see no sign of injuries. But still Connor's clothes were covered in blood stains.

"We heard shots. What happened?", I asked when he stood in front of me and tied the horse's reins on a bush.

"We met one of Arnold's small patrols", Rodrick answered instead and tied the other horse, too. "They wanted to use some ridiculous hunting ban to arrest us. We defended ourselves and...well..."

So they fought the soldiers. That explained a lot. "Are you unhurt?", I asked and grabbed Connor's hands. His knuckles were scratched and bleeding. Obviously he had not only used his tomahawk to fight.

"It is nothing", he said calmly and was right. He could have had worse injuries but that wasn't so important to me for now.

"We have to clean and treat them anyway", I said and pulled him to the fire, where a pot of water was still boiling. Rodrick had already sat down there, too and Jennifer was checking a laceration over the hunter's right eyebrow.

"Obviously you were lucky", she said after she had given me a clean cloth which I dipped into the hot water to carefully clean Connor's knuckles. Rodrick chuckled.

"It wasn't luck. You should have seen our young friend here. There were five of them and they just wanted to arrest us, when he already killed one of them. These assholes couldn't react before another was already lying down." He chuckled again, but when I shortly raised my eyes and looked at Connor, he had pressed his lips into a thin line. Certainly not because of my care.

"They wanted to shoot us, but I shot one of them before he could aim at me. Afterwards, the rest of them weren't a problem anymore. I have to say, I've never seen somebody fighting so recklessly but precisely before. I'm starting to believe what people are saying about you." Rodrick reached out a hand to pat Connor's shoulder, which made him wince before he vigorously shook his head.

"I just reacted quickly enough. The third died through your shot, the fourth through his comrade's and the last through my hand. They were surprised and not organized. That was their downfall and it had nothing to do with me."

"Don't hide your light under a bushel, my friend. You saved my life. If I had been alone, they would have arrested me." Rodrick patted Connor's shoulder again and again, this gesture caused sheer tension. Connor took a deep breath and I was sure that he wanted to contradict again, but I gently squeezed his hands and lightly shook my head as he looked at me. I knew that he didn't like to be so highly praised, but it was Rodrick's way to express his gratitude. The whole situation could have ended differently, if Connor wasn't able to fight.

To defuse this conversation for Connor, I nodded towards the horses and asked: "They left them as a gift?"

Rodrick followed my hint with his eyes and nodded. "We thought they could be an advantage for us all. The children and Jennifer can rest on horseback when they are too tired from walking and you will certainly reach your destination sooner, wherever it is."

It sounded reasonable and secretly I took a breath of relief. A horse could be an obstacle in certain situations but I was glad that it spared us another long hike. Furthermore: The quicker we got forward, the sooner we reached our aim to return home. And the saddle bags were filled with supplies, ammunition and other useful things. I saw it when Connor and I went to the horse he had chosen. A strong grey mare who looked at me with attentive and smart eyes when I tickled her soft nose. My eyes moved to the tent where Rodrick and Jennifer had just disappeared in, before I looked at Connor, who was taking the saddle off the horse's back.

"You helped Rodrick and his family. You can be proud of yourself. At least for once."

Connor screwed up his face without raising his eyes from his working hands. "But he said it as if it was some sort of heroic action. I did what I thought was right. As I did in the village. I do not like that people see more in it. I already did not like it during the war. Everyone with my training would have done the same."

"But it doesn't make it less special for the people you helped."

"Maybe." Connor put the saddle on a branch and ran his hand over the mare's grey fur to smooth it. "But today you said that I am no god. My abilities have limits. They should not pretend it would be different." His hand rested on the horse's back and I saw a thoughtful expression on his face. But it disappeared quickly when he turned to me. "We will go to Davenport, I will check how much equipment I can take with me and then we will ride to Valley Forge. I will have to try killing Arnold alone, but then we will search for the rebellion. You were right. Their help can be good for us and above all, I think it will make it easier for me to ensure your safety. I do not have to fight this battle for myself after all."

A wave of relief seized me when I heard these words. They took something from the burden that rested on my shoulders. Although I didn't like the part about Arnold, I had to be satisfied with it. A smile curled my lips when I grabbed Connor's hands and stood on my tiptoes for a moment to kiss him.

"Thank you", I whispered. "Thank you for taking my words to heart."

"Sooner or later, you would have repeated them anyway", Connor simply replied, but I laughed when I saw the devilish sparkle in his eyes.

* * *

Connor and I didn't stay with the hunter's family for long. Connor helped Rodrick disjointing their game and dividing it so that both parties got their fair share. Then he prepared our share, so that we could eat from it during the day. In the meantime, I had packed our few belongings and had tied the bundle of furs to the saddle bags of the mare, who Connor had named Ori:te'. Dove. I found it was a suiting name for her and hoped that she turned out to be a charm, referring to the symbolism of a dove. Peace was precious, but unfortunately rare in times like these.

When the sun had reached its zenith, we bid farewell to Rodrick and his family. It was hard for me, because I had learned to like them in this short amount of time and I wished them all the best in the world. Rodrick wanted to bring them as deep into the north as possible, out of Washington's reach before winter came. I hoped they were going to make it and that they were going to come to rest. Maybe Jennifer could find her joy in life again.

Rodrick gave us good wished on our way, too, after Connor had pulled me into the saddle in front of him and I heard the cheerful shouts of farewell of little Glenda, when Connor steered Ori:te' through the trees towards the road. Then it became silent and we were alone in the forest.

"Do you think they will make it?", I eventually asked and interrupted the silence between us.

"I do not know", Connor answered. "It will not be easy for them, but Rodrick is determined. He will do what he can for his family."

"I think so, too", I murmured and prayed for it in silence. If there was someone who needed support and strength, then it was this family.

We were silent again, while Connor concentrated on steering Ori:te' safely over the rough terrain. The road was only about ten feet away from us and was used as an orientation, because Connor didn't want to risk using it. Between the trees, we were reasonably safe from getting detected and meeting the bluecoats would be unfortunate. Not only because the mare's saddle was visibly military and we couldn't claim that she was our horse. As far as I knew these men, they would kill us instantly when they learned how Ori:te' had got into our possession.

Hours passed like this in which we had several breaks and I tried not to sink into dark thoughts and concentrated on smaller things instead. The colours of the autumn trees, the glow of the last flowers of summer on the roadside or just the noises I heard. Gentle rustling, the muffled trot of the horse...the longer I concentrated on it, the calmer I got and with this calmness came tiredness. Suppressing a yawn, I let my back sink against Connor's chest and leaned my head against his shoulder. I actually didn't plan to fall asleep, but when Connor loosened a hand from the reins and wrapped his arm around me supportively, I closed my eyes and let Ori:te's gentle movement rock me to sleep. It was surprisingly deep and long while Connor didn't think of having a break. He kept riding, even let the mare fall into a slow gallop so that we reached our destination sooner. It was already after nightfall when Connor's quiet voice woke me up. "Lillian, we are there."

Lazily I opened my eyes and needed a moment until I was fully awake. Blinking I looked around. Connor had stopped on the road and when I turned my head a bit, to look at him, he was staring straight forward. Tension lay in his eyes and when I finally looked into the same direction, I understood why. There wasn't much to see in the darkness, but I knew this road and I knew the salty scent in the air. We had arrived in Davenport and we both didn't know what was awaiting us.


	61. Chapter 61

**61\. Memories are everything that is left**

 **Connor**

He didn't know how to describe this feeling when he steered Ori:te' over the main path into the actual heart of the homestead. It was recognition, but also a deep longing. He recognized Davenport because he still clearly remembered the first time he had put a foot onto this land. Seventeen years ago and back then he had been thirteen years old. A boy on the desperate search for a purpose which he had hoped to find with an old man. Davenport had practically not existed. There had been no mill, no inn, no church, no houses at all, except of the manor on the hill. Connor still knew that he had felt doubts if he had been at the right place at all when he had been surrounded by wilderness at first. Exactly this wilderness was surrounding him now as well. The road was familiar, he had come along it so often over the last couple of years, but no matter where he looked, he only saw trees, bushes and tall grass. Although he could tell exactly where which house had to be and expected someone to come from the inn, despite the late hour. But nothing like this happened. In this reality, Davenport was what it had been seventeen years ago: A wild, lonely piece of land which had its best times under the assassins behind itself long since. It hurt Connor to see it like this, because Davenport was his home. Normally all of his friends were living here, so many good memories connected to them. But they weren't here and he didn't dare to think of what had happened to them. Many of them had been through hard times before they had found a home here.

He thought of all of them while they kept following the road. Nobody of them had lost a word since Connor had woken Lillian up, but he didn't need to look at her to know that she felt the same way he did. Her body was under great tension and he could see her head slowly turning from one side to another. She only knew Davenport as a lively homestead and it had become a home for her, too. He could only imagine how shocked Lillian must been to see her home like this. So lifeless. But Connor knew that this wasn't going to be the worst thing for them both. He could clearly remember the condition the manor had been in, when he had come here.

 _This whole place is ready to come down._

Achilles' words and he hadn't been entirely wrong. It had needed much time, money and effort until the house had been repaired and had become the home which Achilles had entrusted to him after his death and where Connor had started his own family. He had helped Achilles with everything and had also taken care of the reconstruction of the homestead. If he had never met Achilles, if he had to realize that the homestead didn't exist: What had become of the house? What had become of Achilles?

Especially the last question made Connor feel an ache in his chest and he swallowed the lump in his throat. He was staring straight at the manor, that was slowly rising from the darkness and he steered the grey mare to the path, leading directly to the stables. On the first sight, everything appeared to be like always, but it had been the house's inside that had needed a restoration more than anything else. The stables and the barn were still intact as well, but both appeared quite decrepit and Connor checked the stables first, before leaving Ori:te' in one of the stalls and unsaddling her. Unintentionally, he took more time for it than necessary.

Lillian stayed silently in front of the stables and when Connor finally stepped to her, he felt that she was as tensed as he was. When they approached the house, Lillian grabbed his hand, as if she was seeking for something to hold on and he squeezed it gently, hoping to reassure her, although he was glad about her company himself. The thoughts were rushing through his mind, like his heart in his chest. It had been a long time since he had allowed himself to have this feeling. He was afraid. Afraid of what he could find here or not. The closer they came to the house, the clearer it got how time had nagged on the building. The stone stairs to the front door were slippery with wet leaves and moss. The paint peeled off the pillars of the canopy, as well as off the door and frames of the windows. There was no light inside, no sound while Connor remembered the day he had stood here for the first time and had knocked. Connor took a deep breath as they stopped in front of the door and by means of her grip around his hand, he could tell that Lillian's nerves were strained to the utmost. He felt like it was on him to make the first move and open the door, but when he put his hand on the doorknob, his body was reluctant to follow his head's orders. He practically clung to the knob, but didn't manage to turn it. Connor didn't feel that he started to shake and that his breath came in short puffs, until Lillian's hand covered his on the knob. She carefully loosened it from the cold metal and embraced it gently.

"I cannot do this", Connor uttered, still staring at the door. "He died three years ago. Alone. Lillian, what if he…?" He couldn't finish this thought. The imagination it was causing was too horrifying. But Lillian had already understood.

"It's alright", she whispered and put a hand on his cheek. Her touch made Connor closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He had to calm down. Lillian's thumb ran gently over his cheekbone until Connor opened his eyes again and looked at her. A small smile flitted across Lillian's lips and once again, Connor was glad she was here. As often as he tried to protect her and give her a feeling of safety when she was afraid, as often she was making him feel safe in her own way and he was glad that she didn't say anything about his hesitation. Instead she was the one who grabbed the knob, took a deep breath and turned it. The door wasn't locked, but cracked loudly before it opened under a squeal of the hinges. Again it was Lillian, who hesitantly took the first steps into the dark hallway. Connor followed her. The boards beneath their feet cracked and it sounded unnaturally loud in Connor's ears. But beside that, it was entirely silent when they walked along the hallway and looked into the adjoining rooms. The furniture, which Achilles hadn't used, was pushed together and covered with white cloths. Like it had been seventeen years ago. Nothing had changed, except of the fact that everything seemed to be far more dreary. The air smelled musty and of wet, rotting wood, but Connor couldn't smell the scent he inwardly feared: The scent of decay.

He didn't know what happened to a dead body in three years, but his biggest fear was to find only the rotting corpse of his mentor. Connor didn't doubt that Achilles was dead. In this reality, everything that had depended on certain events, had changed. There had been nothing he could have done to prevent Achilles' death, because he had died a natural death of old age. But it hadn't made it easier for Connor to get over this loss. Achilles had not only been his mentor and grandmaster. He had been a father to him.

Connor took a deep breath as he was seized by a wave of grief and he stopped for a moment to get a hold of himself again, while Lillian went on and finally stopped in the open doorway to the room which she only knew as the parlour. It used to be Achilles' bedroom until Connor had brought the bed and the rest of the bedroom furniture upstairs for Caleb. At first it hadn't been easy for him, because he had always left the room like it had always been. But he had taken care that all of Achilles' private belongings had got a safe place in the room he used as some sort of room of memories and he knew that Achilles would have told him, not to stay in the past but to open up for the future. A future that didn't exist here. Almost anxiously, Connor kept his eyes on Lillian, expecting a reaction to whatever she found in the room. But Lillian looked at him and shook her head.

"He's not here."

Hesitantly, Connor approached her, stopped beside her and looked into Achilles' room. The furniture was covered with a thick layer of dust but everything looked like it did in Connor's memories. Papers, ink and a feather on the desk. The stuffed hawk sitting enthroned beside a table with an unfinished game of Nine Men's Morris. In front of it the armchair, where Connor had found Achilles' lifeless body three years ago. Not it was empty, but on Achilles' bed lay his hat and his cane. Tidily put next to each other.

"Somebody must have been here", Connor murmured as he took the cane and twisted it between his hands. Achilles certainly hadn't left it here and had gone somewhere else. He hadn't been able to move for long without his cane. But if somebody had been here after Achilles' death, had this person given Achilles the funeral he deserved? Thoughtfully Connor put the cane back onto the bed and wordlessly walked past Lillian to the backdoor. Lillian followed him silently as he left the house and went straight to the spot on the cliff, where Achilles' wife Abigail and his son Connor were buried and where he had buried Achilles as well. He could see the silhouettes of the two grave stones as he slowly approached them. The fear of what could await him was still making him hesitate. He would only be reassured when he finally knew what had happened to his mentor in this reality. To imagine that Achilles was still lying somewhere, or that he had been carelessly buried was unbearable. But when he stepped to the graves, he closed his eyes for a moment when he saw the third one. It was a strange feeling of relief, connected with the well known grief for Achilles that seized him. Connor walked around the narrow pile of soil which was already covered with grass and put a hand on the roughly constructed wooden cross that replaced a gravestone. Achilles' name and the date of his death were carved into it. So somebody had taken care and had done their best to bed Achilles to his final rest next to his family.

"I am sorry that it was not me", Connor whispered. The thought that he had never met Achilles was strange and actually unimaginable. The old man had changed Connor's life and had helped him becoming the man he was today. He had not only taught him his knowledge and skills, but had also kept bringing him back to the right path when he had been close to losing it and himself. Connor didn't want to miss only one of the memories of countless hours of training and also the debates in which Achilles had given him a piece of his mind.

"I am still grateful, old man", Connor murmured.

One last time, Connor ran his hand over the cross before silently bidding farewell and standing up. He hadn't noticed that Lillian had let him go to the grave alone. She stood by the cliff, looking over the bay where the Aquila used to lie at anchor. When he approached her, she turned around to him and nodded at the bay.

"Didn't you say the Aquila was nearly destroyed when you came here?", she asked and when Connor stopped beside her, he didn't need to ask why she wanted to know this. He saw it with his own eyes. When he had come here back then, the damaged Aquila had lied with a broken mast in the water. A wreck of which nobody had ever believed it could cross the seas again. Connor had helped Faulkner with her repair, like he had helped Achilles with the house. But now the Aquila wasn't here. The bay was empty and again Connor asked himself what had happened in all these years in which he hadn't come here. Had Faulkner, who had drowned his sorrow for the Aquila with alcohol, pulled himself together and had repaired her on his own? When Connor thought about it, he didn't doubt that Faulkner must have been here. He had already lived in the small cabin at the bay when Achilles had introduced him to Connor after his arrival. He was the only one who could have buried Achilles. There had been nobody else in Achilles' surroundings. But where was Faulkner?

"Do you think Bobby is in his cabin?", Lillian asked, as if she had read his mind. He shook his head.

"Faulkner never left the Aquila's side. He is wherever she is. The ship has almost meant more to him than any person."

"But where could they be?"

"I do not know." Until now, Connor had no explanation for the Aquila's disappearing but he hoped that Faulkner was well and that the missing ship meant that he was living the life on sea that he loved so much. Maybe he had found a place far away from Washington's territory and lived there in peace. It was a hopeful thought after everything Connor had seen and learned in the last couple of days. But he had to concentrate on what had brought him here and what he planned.

His eyes moved to Lillian, who was standing beside him with her arms crossed and stepping from one foot onto the other. She was freezing. "Come, we will set a camp in the dining room in front of the fireplace", he suggested and pointed at the stable. "I will get our things and check if there is still firewood we can use. Go inside."

Lillian nodded hesitantly as if the thought of entering the house alone was scaring her, but finally she slowly walked to the backdoor while Connor headed for the stables. Next to the stall he had left Ori:te' in, were the bundle of furs and the saddlebags. He took the first and went to the barn. Its roof was damaged but the firewood seemed to be dry enough. Connor put the bundle under his arm, took some pieces of wood and returned to the house. There he dropped the bundle in front of the fireplace and began stacking the wood. Lillian was in the kitchen, apparently checking if the pots were still usable for boiling water, but until now he had only seen her standing in front of the window and looking outside. Her posture alone told him that she didn't feel well and he understood. It was strange to be here, in their own home and finding everything so shabby and lifeless. Entirely unfamiliar. But for tonight, this was the safest place they could find. There were no settlements nearby and no reason for the bluecoats to come here. Davenport had been entirely forgotten before people had moved in again.

 _It is only for tonight,_ Connor thought while stoking the newly sparked flames in the fireplace. The wood hissed and cracked, but there wasn't much smoke and it didn't take long until the fire was strong and regular and spread pleasant warmth. Connor heard a sigh of relief behind him and saw that Lillian had stepped to him.

"Finally some light and warmth", she said with a forced smile and bent down to the bundle to take it up and untie it.

"Are you hungry? I could go hunting", Connor asked while watching her thoroughly preparing their bed, but Lillian glanced over her shoulder and shook her head.

"It's in the middle of the night. I will be fine until tomorrow. Besides, you should sleep. You hardly did, in the last couple of nights."

She tugged at the fur underneath her and finally reached out for him with a smile and pulled him to her when he grabbed her hand. He smirked when he let her push him into the soft fur, before she took off his moccasins, slipped out of her own boots and finally spread the blanket over them, as she lied next to him. Lying on her side, Lillian propped herself up on her forearm and tenderly ran her hand through Connor's hair.

"You need to stay strong", she whispered and a concerned expression flitted across her face. "Coming here disturbed you, am I right?"

Connor sighed and turned his eyes away from her to the ceiling. He didn't want to talk about it, especially as long as Lillian was more concerned than necessary. But this was also the reason why he owed her an answer.

"I am fine", he said. "I am just glad Achilles was not entirely alone when he died. It was my greatest fear."

Lillian nodded. "I thought of it, too. But still it makes me sad to see everything like this. You always told me how the house and the homestead looked like back then, but I never really imagined it. Not after everything I know."

She was silent and looked at the dancing flames in the fireplace. Her grey eyes reflected the bright colours, but it seemed like they couldn't take up the warmth. They shimmered treacherously and as Lillian pressed her lips together, Connor knew that she was going to cry. He pulled her into his arms and let her bury her face in his chest, while he rested his chin on her head and caressed her back.

"I am sorry", Lillian whispered with a muffled and shaky voice. "I don't want to cry all the time."

"You are afraid. There is nothing wrong about it."

Lillian shook her head. "It's not about it. Not only. It's just…this place. It somehow feels like home, but somehow doesn't. But I just want to go home."

"I know. I feel the same way", Connor murmured and buried his face in her hair. He knew exactly how she felt. He would also prefer being somewhere, where he wasn't confronted by memories. It felt like he just had to close his eyes and open them again, to be back in the fully furnished dining room where Emily on her short legs could come around the corner in every second to cuddle up to them. He missed her, like Lillian missed her. But this was the reason why he couldn't get distracted from his plan to take the Apple from Washington. The sooner he did, the sooner they were able to embrace Emily again and Lillian didn't need to be afraid. As she didn't need to cry herself into sleep like she did now.

* * *

The next day hardly dawned when Connor set off into the forest to return with some berries, roots and two rabbits. Supplies for one day and Connor hoped they were soon going to have the chance to buy enough food with the money they had found in one of the saddle bags. Each time he had to go hunting was time he could use for the realization of his plan and time in which he had to leave Lillian alone. During his absence, she had ignited a fire in the hearth, had boiled water from the well and had top upped their supplies for the journey. Now they stood in front of the door to the cellar which Connor opened after some hesitation. The mechanism stuck for a moment, but gave in after a courageous tug and the door swung open.

"Be careful", Connor warned, as they slowly climbed downstairs. The wood cracked beneath their feet, but luckily carried his and Lillian's weight. Connor stepped to the table on the other side of the room and turned on the lamp on it. The cellar was hardly illuminated and Connor was confronted by this strange familiarity again. The training room seemed to be the only room in the house that hadn't changed. There were only a few weapons on the holders in the rear corner, but except of the layers of dust and spider webs, everything looked like always or rather like back then, when Achilles had led Connor here for the first time. He remembered how curious and thrilled he had been. It had been eerie but also exiting to enter this secret room which had shown him, how important this matter he wanted to turn to was. Especially when he had seen the robes, which had hung over the straw doll. Like they did now. Back then, Connor had wanted to throw them on immediately, but Achilles had made clear to him that he had to be an assassin to do so. These robes had become the symbol of Connor's aims, the visible motivation to entirely turn to his training and he had never been as proud and reverent as he had been, when he had finally been allowed to put them on.

Now Connor stood in front of these robes and felt like they were strange to him. He ran his fingers over the rough and heavy fabric, which he used to wear like a second skin and it didn't feel like it at all. Connor didn't know how to describe this feeling. His eyes moved to his feet and to the wooden box with the hidden blades inside of it. The weapons of an assassin, but when Connor kneeled down, opened the box and looked at these familiar bracers, he felt this strange feeling again. Connor sighed and closed the lid with a shake of his head.

"I cannot do this", he said quietly as he stood up and stepped away from the doll.

"What do you mean?" Lillian had stayed on the staircase and looked at him with a frown. "You said you wanted to equip yourself."

Connor nodded. "I did. But I cannot take the robes and I cannot take the blades either. It feels wrong. I do not deserve them."

"What are you talking about? Of course you do." Lillian pulled away from the shadows and approached him. Her hand slid over the robes' shoulders. "These are your clothes. Your weapons."

"No, they are not. These are the clothes and weapons of an assassin. And I am not an assassin." With his arms crossed, Connor leaned against the table and let his gaze roam through the room where he had spent so much time of his life with training and planning his next moves. All of this had never happened here.

"If I have never met Achilles, he never affiliated me into the brotherhood. So I do not deserve to wear an assassin's robes and weapons. It would be...wrong, you know?"

Lillian's frown deepened as she looked at him. He couldn't tell what she was thinking, but she seemed to be struggling with his words. She only knew him as an assassin and although he could remember every detail of his training and could use it, he neither needed the robes, nor the blades to fight. He was not only an assassin, but also a warrior of his tribe after all and maybe this was the time to remember it. To act as an assassin without having Achilles' permission was wrong. Like something else was.

"Probably it would be better if...I do not call myself Connor anymore. At least not as long as we are here. The name neither fits to me as the Mohawk everybody sees in me, nor was I named this way by Achilles. I just do not deserve it, too."

Lillian took an audible breath and abruptly turned away as she returned to the staircase, running a hand through her hair.

"My head's bursting", she murmured. Then she stopped, her hands on her hips, her face turned to the wall and her head leaned back. He didn't know how to interpret this reaction, but he stayed silent and where he was, until Lillian took another deep breath and turned around to him.

"This whole 'what happened and what didn't?' and its consequences are driving me insane. I don't know what to think." She sighed. "But I understand what you mean." Now she approached him and as she stopped in front of him, she put her hands on his arms which were still folded in front of his chest. He loosened them, so that she could take his hands into hers. "I trust you and your decisions. If you find it wrong to take robes and blades, I accept it. Like everything else, Ratonhnhaké:ton." She smiled, but her eyes became serious again and she lightly squeezed his hands. "But whatever happened or didn't happen here, we shouldn't forget that there is another...reality, or whatever you want to call it, where everything is different. That we're standing here together, proves it. Because you met Achilles there and he trained you to be an assassin. So you eventually had to find my uncle and we met. Whatever is going to happen here and whatever we will experience, we have to hold on to the memories we have, although it hurts and we shouldn't concentrate on what is different. Because to be honest: None of these differences were positive until now. Except that your mother was alive, of course."

Connor lowered his eyes after these words and pressed his lips together. That his mother had been alive had certainly been positive. And that his village had still existed as well. Bus his mother had died again and he couldn't return to the village. Lillian was right, until now nothing about this reality had been really positive. Obviously he had lived an entirely different life, because it had never been necessary for him to leave the village to become an assassin. He couldn't say how his life would have been, if there wasn't Washington's reign. But as much as he had enjoyed the thought of still living in his village, he didn't want to think of what else could be different. If he thought of all the memories Lillian was talking about, he liked to look back upon his life. Certainly there had been dark times, but also times full of light. Davenport and all its inhabitants, all the friends he had made over the last years and of course his own, little family.

"You are right", he said and looked at her again. "We should remember. But I still cannot be the assassin Connor here."

Lillian nodded. "I know. I just didn't want you to push him away entirely." She smiled and put a hand on Connor's chest, right over his heart. "But he stays in here. Like everything else we know. Until we are home."


	62. Chapter 62

**Delayed regret**

Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't waste much time with equipping himself. He wanted to rely on the traditions of his people in case of a fight. So the only weapons he took were a long dagger, which would be more useful than his hunting knife and a pistol. The only intact one he could find. He put on a holster, fastened the pistol and ammo pouch on it and also took a pouch with three smoke bombs after some hesitation. They were anything than traditional in terms of his people, but he also had to consider that he planned to enter a manned fort alone. The bombs could give him an important, tactical advantage if he used them wisely. With a last look into the room and the hope that the next time he entered it, it was the home he used to know, Ratonhnhaké:ton returned upstairs, where Lillian had prepared his game from this morning. They extinguished the fires, packed their few belongings together and were on the homestead's main road again, until they had left the abandoned Davenport behind. It was a scarily liberating feeling to leave the homestead that wasn't one. Although Lillian was right that they had to stick to their memories, these memories had been unnecessarily hurting in this environment. Only now, Ratonhnhaké:ton felt like he could fully concentrate on his next move and he spent the whole ride with creating a plan. He couldn't know what was awaiting him there, but it wasn't the first time he intended to storm a fort either. He also considered what should become of Lillian while he was gone. He had to find a safe place to hide for her where she could stay until he returned. And he had to consider what should become of her, if he didn't.

Ratonhnhaké:ton lowered his eyes to Lillian who had sat silently in front of him. Her head leaned against his chest as if she was asleep, but her hands lay in the mare's black mane and fondled her, lost in thoughts. When he shortly touched her head with his lips, Lillian's hand paused and she put them on his instead.

"Do you know the way back to my village?", Ratonhnhaké:ton asked and felt how Lillian hesitated, before answering: "No. But why are you asking?"

Ratonhnhaké:ton sighed quietly. He had expected this answer and it made none of his concerns disappear. If he wanted Lillian to be safe, he would only entrust her to people he trusted, too. But how should Lillian get to them and even if she knew the way: How should she survive in the forests alone for so long? But there were no alternatives except of his return.

"Ratonhnhaké:ton? Why did you ask me this?" Lillian's voice sounded impatient, but the light tremble in it told him, that she knew the answer already. That he didn't return from Arnold's fort was her greatest fear and he couldn't take it from her entirely. They had to consider this possibility, no matter if they wanted it or not.

"When we arrive in Valley Forge, we will search for a place where you can hide", Ratonhnhaké:ton started in a calm voice. "As soon as it gets dark, I am going to set off to Arnold's fort. You will wait."

Lillian nodded. "What else should I do? You don't have to..."

"Please, listen to me", he interrupted her. "You will wait until dawn. Should I not be back until then, you will take Ori:te' and leave. Head north-east, then you should eventually arrive in our territory. As soon as you reach the village, you will tell Oiá:ner that I did not make it. Ask her to accommodate you. If she does not, you will further head into the north. Always stay away from the roads. If you reach a village, buy supplies if necessary. Eventually you should be out of Washington's territory and then you will search for a safe place to stay. Do you hear me?"

Contrary to his expectation, Lillian hadn't contradicted him once. He had already expected it when he had told her to leave without him, but she had only tightened her grip around his hands almost painfully. Her nails dug into the balls of this thumbs, but Ratonhnhaké:ton had kept talking and neither moved now, while waiting for her answer. But there was none.

"Lillian?"

Her shoulders trembled as she took a deep breath. It seemed like she was fighting another battle against herself and her own thoughts. When she finally answered, Lillian didn't say anything about his orders. She rather asked a question he hadn't thought of and which was so terribly obvious.

"So I would be stuck here alone?"

Ratonhnhaké:ton closed his eyes and swore inwardly. If he died, Lillian was exposed to all the changed of this time alone. She wouldn't be able to survive here, where ruthless soldiers attacked everyone. Not without a home, without money and without people who would protect her. That was the reason why he had wanted to send her to his people, or at least out of Washington's territory. But she would have no chance to get the Apple and return home. To try it alone would be her death and she couldn't know whom to trust. So there was no answer he could give her. At least not a satisfying one.

"Maybe it will end someday", he said quietly, but not very convinced. Lillian certainly heard it, but she nodded slowly, as if it was encouraging them both. Then they were silent. Minutes passed while nobody said anything, as if this conversation was over. Ratonhnhaké:ton hadn't got the answer he wanted yet, but he didn't ask her further. He didn't want to think of leaving her at all, but he had to. He only had to do everything he could to return to her. This would be his greatest aim besides killing Arnold.

They spent another night in the woods until the plain of Valley Forge appeared in front of them the next evening. There wasn't much left of the camp where Washington and his army had stayed. Strictly speaking, this camp had never existed here. The Continental Army had retired here after losing the battle of Long Island to spend the winter. According to Kaniehtí:io, this battle had never taken place in this reality, because the war had already been over. Now the terrain was only surrounded by dense forest which they crossed until they had reached the most southern tip of the valley. But the only building that reminded of a war was the fort on a low hill.

"Is this it? Arnold's fort?"

Ratonhnhaké:ton nodded slowly. It had to be this fort. It was quite small but could still accommodate about thirty men. He saw at least three of them patrolling on the palisade. Two were standing at the main gate. So it would demand much of him to get inside without being noticed. And he had to hope that Arnold was there at all.

"Let us find a place to hide for you", Ratonhnhaké:ton said, without turning his eyes away from the fort while steering Ori:te' back into the forest. The sun stood low in the sky and it became darker and darker under the trees. He wanted to know that Lillian was safe before nightfall which he wanted to use to get closer to the fort. But as far as he knew, there were only trees, bushes and thicket nearby. No abandoned mines, no uninhabited caves and no unused hunting cabins. The only place coming to Ratonhnhaké:ton's mind was an abandoned and derelict church. It was probably not the safest place but lay in the middle of the forest, far enough from the fort and basically nothing of interest. Hopefully uninteresting enough so that nobody was going to come closer to it than necessary.

When they approached the small clearing where the church was located, Ratonhnhaké:ton stopped the grey mare on its edge and dismounted her. "Wait here", he told Lillian and slowly walked towards the building, one hand resting on his tomahawk. He searched the close surroundings for any dangers with his eagle vision, but found nothing. They were alone. Ratonhnhaké:ton beckoned Lillian over, who immediately steered the mare towards him, regarding the church with open skepticism. He knew exactly what she saw. A derelict building with windows without glass and a doorway without said door.

"You get an unhindered insight, don't you?", Lillian asked and slid off the saddle. "Do you really think it's safe for the night?"

"As long as you do not make a fire. It will be pitch-dark, so nobody will be able to see you." Ratonhnhaké:ton took the reins from her and led Ori:te' into the church. There was no furniture and enough space. He tied the reins to a ledge and pointed at the windowless recess in the church's back where the chancel must have been, as he turned around to Lillian who was still standing in the doorway. "You will be protected from the wind here. If you are hungry, you should eat now. We can bury the remains and your presence will not lure any animals here."

Her arms wrapped around her chest, Lillian slowly stepped inside the church and let her eyes roam through the building. Ratonhnhaké:ton could still see her skepticism, but Lillian just sighed quietly and shook her head. "It's fine. I'm not hungry."

He nodded slowly and glanced through one of the windows. The sun had already disappeared behind the treetops. He had to leave to at least use the last daylight to examine the fort.

"You remember what I told you? In case that I do not return?"

Lillian pressed her lips together and lowered her eyes as she nodded as well. She had completely slumped down and by now her arms were practically clinging to herself. Right now, Ratonhnhaké:ton wished he wouldn't have to leave her alone. That he wouldn't have to risk not to return to her. But he had no choice and she knew it as well.

Wordlessly he stepped to Lillian, put his arms around her and pulled her against his chest. When he rested his chin on her head and closed his eyes for a moment, he didn't care that he had to hurry. He didn't want to leave Lillian just like that if this could be their final goodbye. She leaned against him and he felt the light caress of her fingers on his chest through the thick fabric of his shirt.

"What do you think will happen if we die here?", she asked quietly and made Ratonhnhaké:ton initially frown in incomprehension.

"You will not die. I am not going to let that happen."

"That's not what I mean." Lillian's palms pressed against his chest as she pulled away a bit and looked up to him. He had expected to see fear and sadness in her eyes. But they were just serious. "You said you didn't know how we got here or what we're experiencing. It's possible that the Apple is tricking our minds and so it's possible that we cannot die at all."

It seemed like she had thought about this a lot, probably another reason for her unusual silence in the last couple of days. But Ratonhnhaké:ton couldn't deny that he had thought of all of this as well. If everything was a creation of the Apple or really another reality. In the end, he believed the Pieces of Eden could do anything and they would never know the whole extend of their powers. But maybe it could be dangerous to make sheer guesses.

"I do not want to rely on it", he answered. "We should pretend that all of this is normal to us. We should not risk anything."

"Says the man who is intending to storm a fort alone." A dry reply without any reproach and Ratonhnhaké:ton couldn't even hold it against Lillian. But still he shook his head. "You know why I have to do it."

"Of course, I do." Lillian wrapped her arms around his neck and when she stood on tiptoes to do so, Ratonhnhaké:ton naturally put his hands on her hips to steady her. Her gaze captured his and this time he saw the fear beside her seriousness. "Just do everything so that I do not have to ride away without you. Please."

"You do not have to ask for it", he replied softly and leaned his forehead against hers. "I am already intending to."

"Good." Lillian smiled faintly and stretched a bit more to touch his lips with hers. "I love you, Ratonhnhaké:ton."

A smiled flitted across his face. These words would always make him forget any dark thoughts for a moment and would strengthen his permanent endeavor to return to her.

"Konnorónhkhwa, Lillian."

A cold wind blew through the thicket Ratonhnhaké:ton was hiding in and made it move. It rustled loudly but regularly so that the two approaching guards didn't suspect anything. It was also too dark for them to see the shadow between the partly bare twigs. The sky was entirely clouded and the only light shining their path of their patrol along the forts backside, came from the lanterns in their hands. Ratonhnhaké:ton needed no light. With his eagle vision he could see the men's red auras in front of him, as well as the silhouettes of his surroundings. It was an important advantage, at least as long as he didn't enter the fort itself, which was well illuminated. He had actually been able to use the remaining daylight to circle the tall palisades with enough distance and it hadn't changed his initial impression. The fort was small but well-guarded. Enough guards on the palisades and at the two gates. Only the main gate stood open and when Connor had glanced inside, he had seen Benedict Arnold. He had talked to a guard at the gate. Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't need to take an unnecessary risk. His target was here.

Now he was attentively watching the guards' patrol. He was sitting here for quite a while now and had memorized their and their comrades' rhythm of patrol. They would return in about two minutes and then he had to be near the fort already. He couldn't risk killing them. The guards up there would notice if they didn't come by anymore. So he had to avoid them and he did. Ratonhnhaké:ton waited until they were a few steps away from him and looked up. As expected, the two men on the palisade just met each other, walked past each other and went on. A soldier's stoic routine could be a blessing. Ratonhnhaké:ton took his dagger and put it between his teeth as he ran to the closed gate. He needed to hurry. It wouldn't take long until the guards reached the respective corners of the palisade. When they turned around, they could see him, if he hadn't climbed high enough until then. The roofed bridge over the gate expanded over the actual fence. If Ratonhnhaké:ton reached this bulge, nobody could see him from above.

Using his run, he jumped and clung to one of the narrow gaps between the gate's crossbeams. He pressed his feet against the wood until his hands had enough grip on the upper gap. Now he was underneath the bridge and heard the guards continuing their patrol. Regular steps, coming nearer, crossing over him and leaving again. His cue to keep climbing. Ratonhnhaké:ton pulled his legs closer to his body, pressed his feet against the wood, close to his chest and after taking a deep breath, he pushed himself off the gate. He let go of the gap at the same moment, tore his hands up and wrapped them around one of the supporting pillars. A painful jolt ran through his arms as they suddenly had to carry his whole weight. Clenching his teeth, he loosened one hand from the pillar, turned it and did the same with the other hand, until he hung sideways to the palisade. One short glance upwards told him, that the guards were just taking position in the outer corners. If he was unlucky and they looked attentively around, they could see him immediately. But they didn't. He waited for them to turn around before pulling his legs up and bringing his feet between his hands. They supported him as he loosened a hand and grabbed for the edge of the bridge. He had to wait until the soldiers had passed each other, but as soon as his hand had enough grip, the second followed and he easily pulled himself over the edge. Now he was on the bridge and had an unhindered view over the fort. He had got inside, but he couldn't relax now.

He used his eagle vision to check the yard and the other side of the palisade, where other soldiers were patrolling, too. Nobody was looking into his direction. Not even the men, who were walking just a few steps away and with their backs to him. He didn't hesitate. Ratonhnhaké:ton stooped to the edge of the bridge, looked down, swung his legs over the railing and jumped down. He landed directly in front of the closed but illuminated gate. He quickly ran to some powder barrels in the shadows of the fort's edge, hid behind them and checked his surroundings. Only a few steps ahead were the soldiers' barracks, where most of the fort's staff must be right now. He could see about ten red auras through his eagle vision. The four men on the bridges, two more at the open main gate. Two by the powder storehouse to his left and two by the main building, opposite to his current position. Arnold had to be in there.

Ratonhnhaké:ton needed to find a way to it without getting noticed and without killing anybody. Bodies or simply missing guards would draw attention he didn't need. Arnold should be the only one dying tonight.

Ratonhnhaké:ton pulled away from the powder barrels and took his dagger firmly into one hand, just in case he needed it. He stayed close to the palisade as he walked to the barracks. Near the back wall of the last, he kneeled down and sneaked along them as close as possible, underneath the windows, of which some were still illuminated. He took careful steps, listened to any sound and paid attention to any movement in his surroundings. Soon he reached the last barrack and could look back to the main yard. He glanced up to the bridges on both sides before leaving his place to hide and ran across the yard to the other side of the fort. For this moment, he was uncovered but remained unnoticed. Ratonhnhaké:ton took a moment to take a deep breath and relax his body. Every fibre was tensed an ready to fight but he needed to stay calm. He was almost there. Only a few metres separated him from the house and there still enough opportunities for the guards to see him. Between him and the house was a free distance of six metres. Not much but the guards by the barrels could see him without problems. He just had to risk it.

Ratonhnhaké:ton squared his shoulders, focused the main building and ran. He ran as fast as he could and felt his rushing heartbeat as the light of a lantern hit him. He was barely close to the building, as he dropped himself to the ground and slid the rest of the way, until he kneeled down at the back of the building and pressed himself against the cold stone. He hardly dared to breathe as he tensely listened for voices that warned everyone about his presence. They didn't come and he allowed himself to breathe out quietly. Until now he had had far more luck than expected by himself. It was almost too easy, but probably it was to his advantage that the bluecoats seemed to rely on their power in the frontier and had posted only a few guards because of that. In times of war, there had been twice as much guards on every post. Now he hadn't had any problems getting to the house and only had to expect Arnold's resistance. But this would only satisfy him after he had made it out of the fort.

Ratonhnhaké:ton looked up along the wall and found a illuminated and open window. _Too much luck,_ he thought and walked a bit further, until he had left the window behind. Only then he started climbing the wall. He stopped at the adjoining, dark window and listened for the voices he heard through the open window. Arnold and another man.

"Tell Putnam, I'm going to send men and the money as soon as possible. He doesn't need to worry, I have everything under control."

"But he wants you to hurry. He wants to station the men in Boston before winter comes."

"I don't care what Putnam wants." Ratonhnhaké:ton heard steps and froze when two arms appeared in the window and propped up on the edge. Now Arnold's voice was very close. "What did he do during the last months anyway? He only concentrated on his plan against Franklin and slackened the reins for everything else. My men and I are the ones who have to keep everything in the frontier in order while he's sitting his ass flat, dreaming of future games. He will get Boston soon enough, before the year is over. Tell him that he has my word."

"And what shall I tell him about your problems in this village?"

"What are you talking about?" Arnold's voice was only a growl and the other men seemed to be scared about it. He stammered.

"Well this...attack. Of the Natives."

Arnold's arms disappeared from the window as he seemed to turn around and Ratonhnhaké:ton heard heavy boots walking further into the room.

"First of all: It was no goddamn attack. It was just one of these creatures who incited the villagers. But he already paid for it and I am going to take care of the villagers as soon as they come out of wherever they are hiding. Putnam shall keep out of my businesses, that's what you can tell him. And now: Get out of my fort!"

Stumbling steps sounded, then the bang of a door before everything grew silent.

Ratonhnhaké:ton waited for a moment, ignoring the uprising pain in his spastic hands, before carefully climbing nearer to the window. He loosened a hand from the edge he was clinging to and pulled the dagger out of his belt. Slowly he held the blade towards the window and tried to look inside the room through the reflection on its surface. A joyless smile flitted across his face as he saw Arnold standing at his desk with his back to him, obviously brooding over some papers. This was his chance. Ratonhnhaké:ton put the dagger between his teeth and climbed to the window. Entirely silent he swung himself through it and landed directly behind Arnold, who hadn't noticed anything about his intrusion. He kept scrolling through his papers, murmuring quietly and occasionally scratching the back of his head. He didn't notice the approaching Native, at least not until he felt a cold blade on his throat.

"A wrong word from you and you are dead", Ratonhnhaké:ton growled.

Arnold froze and pulled his hands away from the papers to put them flat on the table top. He chuckled. "You want to kill me anyway, don't you?"

"I do. But for now, I want answers."

"Answers? Well, now I'm curious."

Ratonhnhaké:ton angrily clenched his teeth as he heard the scornful undertone in Arnold's voice and he pressed the blade against his throat with more force. Blood trickled onto the metal.

"I just want to know what kind of men attack innocent and defenseless people. Women and children. Why are you robbing them of their security and their home?"

"Oh, you're talking about your village? Well, it's only about lessons. It's about power through fear. One who is afraid doesn't riot. The people can live in peace and safety, if they obey. Your kind has to learn this lesson, too, no matter how backward and primitive you might be."

"You are killing innocent people!" Ratonhnhaké:ton couldn't stop his voice from getting louder and he grabbed Arnold to turn him around. He wanted to look into his eyes, but he saw nothing but coldness and scorn. It seemed like Arnold wasn't bothered by the blade at his neck at all.

"They are replaceable or even worthless, in case of your people. What are you doing for us anyway? You're dwelling in the forest, eating whatever you find. Fine with me, because you didn't bother anyone. But if you decide to intervene in your Majesty's businesses, you must live with the consequences. Either you adjust, or you die. Simple is that." Arnold's eyes roamed over Ratonhnhaké:ton's appearance and he smiled scornfully. "Look at you. Standing here and threatening me. You want to kill me and why? Because you want to stop me?"

"I want to free the people from you and your ruthlessness."

"Very noble indeed." The smile widened. "But somebody else will follow after me. We rule this country and someone like you won't be able to do anything."

"Not alone, but with an army."

Arnold laughed. "An army? You mean this ridiculous bunch of idiots who call themselves a rebellion? They will be extinguished, one by one and you will end just like them: Only a head on a spear, presented in front of the king's palace. People will laugh about you and your foolishness."

"Not if we are successful." Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't know why he was including the rebellion in his words. He hadn't found them yet and didn't know if he could find them at all. Maybe it was the anger he was feeling. The anger which wanted to stump Arnold's words into dust, it didn't matter anyway. He wanted to prove that Arnold was wrong and he should pay for his crimes.

"This land will soon be freed from men like you". Ratonhnhaké:ton growled and took the dagger from Arnold's throat, only to thrust it into his body. Warm blood ran over the blade, the hilt and over his hand but Ratonhnhaké:ton held Arnold up while staring into his wide opened eyes. Not because he wanted himself to be the last person this man saw but because something about Arnold's gaze had changed all of the sudden. Scorn and coldness had made room for something else. Fear. Helplessness. Regret.

"I am sorry."

These words were such a surprise that Ratonhnhaké:ton faltered for a moment. "What?"

"I am sorry. For what I have done. I...had no choice. He...Washington..." Arnold took a breath of agony and Ratonhnhaké:ton allowed him to sink to his knees and did the same.

"What did Washington do?"

"He...with the scepter..." The rest of the sentence vanished into a quiet groan and Arnold finally slumped down. Dead.

Ratonhnhaké:ton swore quietly as he pulled the dagger out of the body, wiped it off and put it away. He needed to know what Arnold knew about the sceptre but he would hardly ever learn about it. Neither he could learn why Arnold had acted so differently in the moment of death. So rueful. He hadn't made the impression of a man with such feelings. Thoughtfully he looked down at Arnold. Washington. He seemed to pull more strings than Ratonhnhaké:ton had expected. He had believed Arnold had acted on his own accord. But why should he suddenly feel regret? It made no sense, yet he couldn't waste time thinking about it. Not here.

Ratonhnhaké:ton turned to the window and wanted to climb through it. He had just swung his legs over the edge when a knock on the door made him freeze. "Sir?"

Ratonhnhaké:ton wasted no time. He pushed himself off the sill and just landed on the ground, when he heard shouting from above. The man who had knocked on the door, had found Arnold and had run to the window, only to see the Native who tried to escape into the shadows.

"Intruder! Seize him! He killed the Commander!"

So the plan to escape from the fort without getting noticed had failed. All guards were instantly alerted and his only chance seemed to be to storm forward and escape through the main gate. Ratonhnhaké:ton ran but the soldiers were already approaching him from all sides. They were leaving the barracks, left their posts and surrounded him. His only chance to escape was to cause confusion. He stopped and took a smoke bomb out of the pouch to ignite it. He threw it to the ground...but nothing. Dumbfounded he stared at the small ball which lay in front of him without having an effect, while the soldiers came closer and closer. Ratonhnhaké:ton closed his eyes and swore inwardly. The bombs had been in the cellar for three years and he hadn't considered checking them. Time must have made them useless. How was it possible that he had made such a beginner's mistake? A mistake that could have fatal consequences. He thought about testing another bomb, but several rifles were already trained at him. One wrong move and they would shoot him.

"Raise your hands", one of the soldiers said. Ratonhnhaké:ton gave him a cold gaze but did as he said. To surrender was nothing he liked to do. He at least would have tried to fight, although it would only delay the unavoidable, regarding his weapons and the number of opponents. He thought of Lillian and the promise he had made to her and also to himself. He hoped that he still got the chance to escape. Until then, he was going to do what the soldiers wanted.

"Take his weapons."

After this order, two of the men stepped to him and took his tomahawk, the dagger, the bomb pouch and his bow and quiver. He allowed it with a grim expression and felt some kind of satisfaction when his gaze made one of the soldiers wince.

"On your knees." The man, who seemed to be in charge now, stepped forward, his pistol trained at Ratonhnhaké:ton who stayed unmoved and just stared into the man's eyes. To raise his hands and give his weapons away was one thing, but he would never kneel in front of anyone and be executed like this.

"Are you deaf? I told you to get on your knees!" The soldier struck out with his pistol to hit Ratonhnhaké:ton but he ducked under it. He just wanted to raise his fist himself when he was struck into the hollows of his knees and fell forward. He could hardly catch himself with his hands, propped himself up and leaped onto his feet again. The soldier glared at him.

"As you wish. I can give you a bullet anyway", he growled and trained the pistol at Ratonhnhaké:ton's head. But before he could shoot, the soldier who had winced under the Native's gaze stepped forward.

"Shouldn't we arrest him?", he asked and pointed at Ratonhnhaké:ton. "I recognize him. It's the savage who intervened in this village. Now that he killed Arnold, the king certainly wants to take care of him himself, don't you think?"

"I'm sure the king doesn't want to waste his time with a dumb..." The rest of the sentence was drowned by a painful scream and Ratonhnhaké:ton was as surprised as the soldiers, who were staring at the arrow which had run straight through the man's hand and had made him drop the pistol. Then everything happened all at once.

* * *

 _AN: Hello everyone. Thank you as always for all your support. I can't believe that this is chapter 62 already. Fun fact to keep you up to date: A few days ago Chapter 112 was added to the German version. So there is still much ahead of us and I'm glad that you like my version of the DLC so far. As I said before, I didn't follow its exact stoyline because I would have found it boring to retell a story that has already been told. I'm sure you will find some similarities, but I tried to keep them as small as possible. Speaking of which: About **Chris'** question: No, the Red Willow Tea won't occur in my story. :) I thought about it but decided that although the powers it gave Ratonhnhaké:ton were interesting and a wonderful connection to his background, I found them a bit too overpowered. I don't mind wirting about a "hero" with weaknesses and also find it more exiting to write fight scene's in which the protagonist actually has to fight for his life, without having abilities which solve the whole situation within seconds. Despite his training, Connor is still a human being after all. I guess they are more exiting to read, too. At least I hope so. ;)_


	63. Chapter 63

**Unexpected meetings**

 **Lillian**

This was one of the situations when I hated being myself. When I wished I was able to fight and could stand by Ratonhnhaké:ton's side. Although I had already feared for his return uncountable times, this time was much worse. I was terrified by the thought of being alone in this weird world where I had nothing and nobody else left. But the imagination of what the soldiers could do to Ratonhnhaké:ton, if they caught him, was also terrifying. They would kill him of course. But how? Various images appeared in front of my inner eye, showing Ratonhnhaké:ton horribly disfigured or mutilated. I thought these men were capable of anything and this connected with my fear in this pitch-black environment was igniting my far too vivid imagination. An agonized sound escaped my lips as I clawed my fingers into my hair and bedded my forehead on my bent knees. _Don't think about it,_ I thought. _Just don't think about it._

No matter how hard it was, I needed to stay calm. I had to concentrate and listen for anyone coming closer to the church. I wanted to, because it helped me distracting myself from everything else. I must be sitting in this abandoned church for hours now. Wrapped into one of the furs and huddled to keep myself as warm as possible. The cold wind kept rushing through the glassless windows from time to time and even in the corner of the chancel I wasn't entirely protected from it. I wished I could start a fire to warm myself and have some light. The night was so dark that I even couldn't see my hand in front of my eyes. But a fire would probably lure figures here who I didn't want to have near me and so I had to remain in darkness. I listened for every sound in my environment. Every rustling in the trees and bushes and I winced over and over again when Ori:te' moved and I could hear the quiet scraping of her hooves or her snorting. Then my hands twitched to the pistol on my right and the knife on my left side. Ratonhnhaké:ton had given me the pistol and its ammunition. He had said it could be more useful to me and I had got the feeling that he hadn't talked only about tonight. He was prepared for probably not returning to me. But I knew he would do everything to return. I hoped so.

Shaking I breathed out when I was freezing again and wrapped the fur tighter around myself. My head leaned against the cold stone wall behind me. I was so tired. Last night had already been almost sleepless for me. I had constantly startled by nightmares and hadn't been able to catch up some sleep on horseback, no matter how hard I had tried. Now that I wasn't allowed to fall asleep, I would love to do nothing else. But to sleep could be my certain death. I needed to be prepared for anything, also for leaving alone and I hated this idea. I shortly glanced through one of the windows, searching for light on the horizon, announcing the nearing morning. But it was still pitch-dark and I was somehow relieved. There was still enough time. He had still enough time.

Sighing quietly, I pulled my legs closer to my body and leaned my forehead against my knees. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on the warmth under the fur. I imagined I could make it flow through my body and banish the cold. These mind games actually helped a little but tired me at the same time. I wanted to sleep so badly...I felt my mind getting slower. The tiredness making me slip into sleep. But then I heard a shot.

I winced so hard that the fur slipped off of my shoulders and I turned my head to the window on my left like a scared deer. The shot had come from this direction and the fort was there, too. My heartbeat was rushing in my chest while I didn't move an inch. I was like frozen to the spot and saw the images of my fears in front of my inner eye again. Another shot. Much closer this time and this time, nothing could hold me on my place. I leaped onto my feet, balled the fur up and tied it to Ori:te's saddle with trembling fingers. It took several tries until I had fastened it and I kept glancing behind me to the opposite windows. I didn't know who was approaching me, but I doubted it was Ratonhnhaké:ton. He had no pistol with him and I didn't want to rely on the possibility that he had stolen one. Every fibre inside of me was screaming for escape. I wanted to get away from here and only return when the morning dawned and I could hopefully wait for Ratonhnhaké:ton. At least this was my plan.

I had just pocketed the knife and the pistol when I looked to the windows again. The blood froze in my veins as I saw the flickering of lanterns, quickly disappearing in the distance. I heard the sounds of horses and the distant voices of men, shouting orders. They had to be soldiers. They had caught Ratonhnhaké:ton. Either they were chasing him now or...they had him and were now searching for me because they had somehow learned about me. Both options made me panic. Hastily I loosened the reins and led Ori:te' to the church's door. My steps were hesitant at first because I was torn between two voices in my head. One telling me that I would be a coward if I just left without knowing what was going on and abandon Ratonhnhaké:ton. The other one sounded like him and told me to safe myself and don't worry about him. I thought that both were right.

"Damn it", I murmured when I stopped and buried my face in Ori:te's warm neck. I hadn't enough time to make a decision, but was there a choice anyway? I could do nothing against the soldiers with my little knife and the pistol. I was no trained fighter who could do it. But I didn't want to leave Ratonhnhaké:ton behind if he had been able to escape and was on his way back here. But the choice was taken from me.

At first I heard the muffled noise of hooves on the forest's floor, saw the flickering of a lantern between the trees and then heard another dull noise as if something heavy hit the ground. Then an unknown voice. "I will get her. Help the others." The horse moved away, as well as the lantern. Twigs cracked and I hesitated no longer. Full of panic, I leaped into Ori:te's saddle as a single shadow rose from the darkness. I only saw that he was of strong build and had something on his back that looked like a bow, but I didn't take the time to look closer at him. He wanted to get me? Then he had to catch me first.

I shove my heels into the grey mare's side and let her storm from the clearing.

"Stop!", I heard the man shout when Ori:te' already broke through the thicket. I tried to steer her through the forest but soon had to realize that it wasn't as easy as Ratonhnhaké:ton made it look like. I just didn't see enough and so I couldn't let the horse run as fast as I wanted to. I could only rely on her instinct when Ori:te' found her own way through the difficult terrain. I kept my head close to her neck, fearing that low branches threw me out of the saddle and still I felt twigs running through my hair and tearing at it. My heart was beating so fast that it almost hurt. I was still in panic but hardly dared to have a look around. Did this man follow me? Could he? How far had we come by now?

I glanced over my shoulder, a big mistake. In the very moment when I didn't pay attention, Ori:te' approached a tree that was blocking the way, but instead of evading it, she did the easiest thing to do: She jumped over it. I wasn't prepared and uttered an appalled scream as I was seized by a strong jolt and thrown backwards. It seemed like I had more luck than expected when I didn't fell onto the tree itself but into the bushes around it. Still the impact took my breath away and I felt the twigs scratching my arms and face. Totally numb and paralyzed by the fall, I lay on the ground. For a moment, I had forgotten the panic that had driven me into this headless flight. But only until I heard steps behind me and suddenly a shadow leaped over the tree and stood in front of me. It was the stranger and he looked down at me. Hectically I began to search the ground for a weapon without looking away from the threatening shadow. According to what I was able to see, he didn't look like a soldier, but I didn't care in my helplessness and fear. He slowly kneeled down in front of me, raising both hands.

"Calm down", he said. "I do not want to hurt you."

He could tell that to someone else. As expected, it had been his voice that had said they wanted to get "her". To get me.

"I don't believe you", I replied and my voice was shaking like my whole body. A dull pain spread from my back. Could I escape again?

The stranger kneeled in front of me, his hands still raised, but I saw him glancing into the direction where we had come from and from where you could still hear occasional voices and shots.

"Lillian, listen", he started and I froze when he said my name. How...?

"I am a friend of Ratonhnhaké:ton. My comrades and I were at Benedict Arnold's fort like him. We escaped together. He and the others are distracting the soldiers and lead them into different directions but he asked me to get you."

"Why didn't he come himself?" The question broke out of me before I even thought about it. Something in the man's voice told me he said the truth, but I didn't understand why Ratonhnhaké:ton had sent somebody for me while the situation was anything but safe. He should have known that I wouldn't trust this man. Except he trusted him and knew that I would find something that made me trust him, too. I hesitated as I tried to look the man over again. Arrows and bow, long hair, the shape of his clothing reminded me of Ratonhnhaké:ton's.

"You said you are a friend of him. How do you know each other?"

"Ratonhnhaké:ton and I grew up together."

So he was Mohawk? I bit my bottom lip. Was that enough? Another Mohawk from Ratonhnhaké:ton's village? He wouldn't work for the bluecoats and make the effort to wrap me around his finger...wouldn't he?

"What's his mother's name?"

"Kaniehtí:io."

"The clan-mother?"

"Oiá:ner."

Once again I was confused. I was still afraid but felt like I could trust him. I wanted to.

"Where is Ratonhnhaké:ton? I mean, where are you supposed to bring me?"

"I will bring you to our meeting point. He will be there as soon as the bluecoats are not following him and the others anymore. Do you trust me?"

Did I have a choice? I simply nodded and it seemed to be enough. He moved closer to me and this time I could see more of him. He hadn't only long hair but wore it in two braids, decorated and reaching down to his waist. He really carried a bow on his back and I saw a tomahawk at his belt. I had only seen this weapon on Ratonhnhaké:ton before.

"Are you hurt?", he asked me and I tried to sit up. My back hurt but not so much that I couldn't move. I could move the rest of my body as well. It only felt unpleasant because of all the scratches I had got.

"Just scratched open", I answered and grabbed the hand he reached out to me to help me getting up. Only now I saw Ori:te' standing calmly a few feet away. She had just stopped after my fall. We went to her, he leaped onto her back and pulled be behind himself. Then he drove Ori:te' on but steered her slowly through the darkness, obviously choosing paths through the thicket I would have never thought of because they were so overgrown and actually impassable. But he seemed to be confident in what he was doing and knew where to go. Like Ratonhnhaké:ton.

With the thought of him, I tried to have a look around in our environment but couldn't see anything. I just heard the voices of the soldiers and the noises of horses but they were very distant and still moving away. Sometimes I saw lights between the trees while we were riding through total darkness. Probably it was diversionary tactic of my companion's comrades. The obvious lured the soldiers and distracted them from us. Maybe I would only be an obstacle for the stranger if we met soldiers.

We rode quite a bit until he stopped Ori:te' on a crossroad, overgrown by grasses and bushes. Tensely I peeked over his shoulder and saw the silhouettes of two horses and their riders and another man standing beside one of the horses. My companion dismounted Ori:te' and led her closer to them. "Did everything go well?"

"Yes. We confused them."

"And where are the others?"

"They should extinguish the lanterns soon and come here. They still had the bluecoats after them."

"Good."

It was silent after this short conversation and uneasily I slipped back and forth on Ori:te's back. I had moved into the saddle and clung to the reins. I was still prepared to flee if it turned out that Ratonhnhaké:ton's "friend" had lied to me after all. Although his comrades wouldn't talk about the bluecoats this way, but I could only feel safe if Ratonhnhaké:ton came out of the forest.

 _If..._

My gaze roamed over the closer surroundings and once again I listened for any sound until I noticed one if the riders steering his horse to me. Immediately I tightened my grip on the reins, especially when the man held an object towards me. I cursed the darkness because I could only see his silhouette but no face. So I didn't dare to reach out of the object which at least didn't seem to be a pistol. I saw the man cocking his head.

"I am sorry", he said in a strangely slow voice. "You do not need to be afraid." He emphasized every single word as if he thought I couldn't understand him. Or was he just feeble-minded?

"It's fine", I replied hesitantly. He steered his horse closer to Ori:te' until it stood right beside her.

"It seems like I have to apologize again", he said, this time in a normal pace. "When they talked about a woman, I thought you were Mohawk and probably don't speak English. But obviously you do."

He pointed at his comrades only a few feet away and lowered his voice as he said: "I am sorry that nobody pays attention to you. We all had a tough night and still don't expect it to end. They will only remember their politeness when the bluecoats aren't after us anymore."

"Oh, I don't mind. Really. I'm actually just hoping for some peace and quiet, too." My gaze moved to the forest around us again. Still there was no sign of Ratonhnhaké:ton and the other men.

"They will come", the man beside me said as if he had read my mind. "Only Jerry, Olaf and your husband are left. Jerry and Olaf are the most skilled men in our group and as have seen your husband so far, I can say the same thing about him."

"But skill is not a solution for everything and especially no protection against bullets."

"Probably. But it opens doors." Again he reached out to me and this time I recognized the shape of a flask. "I guess you're cold. This will warm you from the inside."

I looked at the flask and shook my head. Right now, I didn't feel the cold. I was still too excited so that I didn't care for anything else. Even the pain in my back and scratched arms.

"No, thank you", I said and he took the flask away. It became silent until he cleared his throat.

"And again I have to apologize. I was talking about politeness and forget my own. My name is Ezra. Ezra Montgomery."

This time he reached out his flat hand and I took it. "Lillian...Jarvis."

"I'm glad to meet you, Lillian."

I simply nodded and smiled which he probably couldn't see. But I was relieved that he was giving me the feeling that I didn't need to feel uncomfortable. Until now, the bluecoats really hadn't made the impression that they would introduce them to me. When Ezra let go of my hand he turned his gaze into the same direction as his comrades and I also heard the noises of other horses. I almost believed that my heart stopped when three more horses came out of the darkness, approached us and one of the riders dismounted his horse as soon as he had stopped it. I could barely see him at first, but his silhouette was enough to make me take a sigh of relief and leap off Ori:te's back without paying any more attention to Ezra and the others.

"Thank God. I feared that something happened to you", I whispered when I could take Ratonhnhaké:ton into my arms.

"I was lucky. They already had me but then I got unexpected help."

"Are you hurt?", I asked and pulled away from him to look him over. He stood upright, hadn't seemed to be tensed but when I carefully ran my hands over his chest, my fingers stopped on a bloody cut in the fabric of his shirt on the right side underneath his collarbone. Ratonhnhaké:ton winced slightly and grabbed my hands.

"It is only a small cut. Not really bad. I will treat it as soon as we are safer and have enough light. Are you well?"

"Only a few scratches and maybe bruises." I gave a forced smile.

"How did it happen?" Ratonhnhaké:ton's voice sounded worried. Certainly he had rather expected an answer concerning my emotional condition. He had expected me to be safe inside the church. I just wanted to answer him, when his friend stepped to us and did it for me.

"It was my fault. I was a bit too rash when I approached her. She fled on horseback."

"And fell", I added. "But it was my own fault. It wasn't the smartest thing to do."

"But right", Ratonhnhaké:ton's friend said. "I could have been an enemy."

Ratonhnhaké:ton turned to him but kept an arm around me. I frowned when I felt him tensing up and even his voice suddenly had a strange undertone. He was hesitant in talking. As if he didn't know what to say.

"Thank you", he said. "Everything would not have end so well without you, Kanen'tó:kon."

When I heard this name, I froze like I had done when he had introduced his mother to me. This was another meeting I could never have. I should have known because I had met Kaniehtí:io. Ratonhnhaké:ton had always talked about just one friend he had grown up with. Kanen'tó:kon had been like a brother to him until the day when he had attacked him because a terrible misunderstanding had made him think that Ratonhnhaké:ton was a traitor. Ratonhnhaké:ton had been forced to kill him in self defence and had never forgiven himself.

Now this man was standing in front of us, totally unaware of his friend's memories and shortly touching Ratonhnhaké:ton's shoulder.

"It is fine, brother. I am just glad that we were there in time. You have to tell us exactly what happened. But for now we should leave. They could send patrols and until then, we should be gone. The camp is not far from here and from there, we will head for Boston soon." He paused. "I mean, if you want to join our cause."

I frowned and forgot my confusion for a moment. "Your cause?"

Kanen'tó:kon's gaze met mine and he vaguely pointed at his comrades before answering.

"We are part of the rebellion."


	64. Chapter 64

**Guilt is like poison**

Kanen'tó:kon and his men had been supposed to kill Arnold and take over the fort for the rebellion to free the region from Arnold's influence. But when they had arrived at the fort, everyone inside had been alarmed because Arnold had been dead already and his men had just caught the murderer. Ratonhnhakéton of course, who hadn't managed to escape undetected. They had wanted to shoot him but Kanen'tó:kon had saved his friend in time. He and his men had stormed the fort and fought by Ratonhnhaké:ton's side against the soldiers, although they had no chance to stick to their original plan anymore. So they had fled, to the point where I was sitting behind Ratonhnhaké:ton on Ori:te' and tried to bring all the new information in order and connect them in a logical way. I had not only met Ratonhnhaké:ton's childhood friend but we had also stumbled across the rebellion, although I had believed the search for them was going to take an eternity. Now we were accompanied by seven of their men who were just a small part of a whole army. At least this was what they told us. The main part of the rebellion was spread in New York and Boston and this was where we were heading next. They wanted to bring us to their hideout in the city, where they wanted to talk about their next steps with their leaders. They and especially Kanen'tó:kon seemed to be thrilled to know that Ratonhnhaké:ton wanted to join them. Kanen'tó:kon told me that he had left his village two years ago to support the rebellion. Ratonhnhaké:ton had stayed behind because he had wanted to care for the village's and his mother's safety. We didn't tell him that Ratonhnhaké:ton couldn't remember this decision but we told him about the attack on the village and the death of Ratonhnhaké:ton's mother. Both news threw Kanen'tó:kon into deep consternation and we stayed in silence until we reached the group's camp.

Five small tents and a campfire, three men sitting around it when we arrived. They were briefly informed about what had happened and they greeted Ratonhnhaké:ton and me shortly but politely. Obviously everyone who wanted to join them was welcome. They offered us a seat by the fire and food. They even wanted to give us a tent which we accepted only reluctantly because we didn't want to take a bed from anyone. But they kept telling us it was alright.

"You, my friend, belong to us now", Logan said, a bear of a man with a good temper and a roaring laugh when he gave Ratonhnhaké:ton a strong slap against his should which actually made him slump forward. Luckily I only received a wink as Logan added: "And we won't let a lady sleep in the dirt."

I gave him a thankful smile which seemed to please him as he sat down by the fire with us. Only three of his comrades were sitting here, too, but I didn't know their names. Four men, Ezra and Kanen'tó:kon among them, were with the horses, the rest had already retired for the night.

"Shall I have a look at this?", Logan asked and pointed at the wound on Ratonhnhaké:ton's chest. "I was a redcoat doctor."

Ratonhnhaké:ton's eyes moved from his bowl, to which he had turned silently until now, down to his body but before he could answer, a hand patted Logan's shoulder. It was Kanen'tó:kon who gave Ratonhnhaké:ton a bright smile.

"Logan here is a real healer. You could think he can make wounds disappear." He took a seat, too and I could almost feel Ratonhnhaké:ton tensing up beside me. Frowning I looked at him. He was staring at the bowl in his hands, almost clinging to it. Then he suddenly put it away in a jerk and ran his sleeve over his mouth, still without raising his eyes.

"Then you can give Lillian something to treat it with. She can take care of it in our tent."

Surprised I stared up to him as he stood up and reached out his hand to me. I ignored it at first.

"I think it's better if Logan as a doctor..."

"You will do it."

I winced because of the harsh tone of his voice. Shortly his gaze was piercing before he obviously found his mind again and added much calmer "Please". But still I couldn't do anything else but to stare at him. What the hell was wrong with him?

Logan cleared his throat and stood up. "Sure. I'll go and get my things." And with that, he went to one of the tents. An unpleasant silence spread in which not only I but also Kanen'tó:kon and the other man stared at Ratonhnhaké:ton in confusion while he didn't take his eyes off of me. They were troubled. Obviously he just wanted to get out of this situation and he really was in a hurry after Logan had returned, had given me some utensils and had pointed at the tent they wanted to give us.

Only when he had put our small luggage into a corner of the tent, had enlightened the oil lamp that was standing inside and had sat down on the forest's floor, he seemed to relax. His shoulders slumped forward and I heard him taking a deep breath as he closed his eyes for a moment. I stood motionless in the tent's entry after I had closed it with the tarp. The small metal pot with hot water slowly began to become unpleasantly warm in my hands and so I stepped to Ratonhnhaké:ton to put the pot and things which Logan had given to me down to kneel down beside him. I took one of the clean rags, took the lid off the pot and put the rag into the hot water. In the meantime, Ratonhnhaké:ton had opened his shirt and had pulled it over his head and so he was sitting waiting and with a bare chest in the night's cold, continuously looking at me without having me returning this gaze. I was still struggling with his strange behaviour and short outburst by the fire. I tried to find an explanation for it, but already guessed that this explanation was obvious. I just didn't know how to bring it up.

"How did it happen?", I asked instead as I started to clean the wound on his chest with the soaked rag. It wasn't bleeding anymore and wasn't deep either. He had been lucky because it was the only one.

"I was careless for a moment", Ratonhnhaké:ton murmured and this time I rose my eyes to look at him. He stared at some spot over my shoulder, his lips pressed into a tight line. He hadn't been just careless. I sighed quietly. "What did just happen by the fire?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean." I stopped treating his wound for a moment and this time Ratonhnhaké:ton's gaze met mine. "You wanted to shun him, didn't you?"

He didn't ask who I was talking about. He knew it but I didn't get an answer. Quite a while he simply looked into my eyes, but then he turned his eyes away again and turned them to the ground. This reaction was enough of an answer and I couldn't hold his behaviour against Ratonhnhaké:ton. I could imagine what was going on. First his mother, now Kanen'tó:kon. Two people he had lost under terrible circumstances and who were suddenly standing in front of him again. The circumstances Kanen'tó:kon had died in...

Sighing again, I put the rag aside and grabbed the small jar I had got from Logan and which contained a salve with a heavy scent of herbs. I applied some on the wound. It wasn't bleeding so I didn't need to bandage it and I began packing the pot, the rags and the salve together to give them back to Logan in the morning. But when I just wanted to take the pot to pour the water out in front of the tent, Ratonhnhaké:ton grabbed my wrist and held me back.

"We should treat your wounds, too."

I raised an eyebrow. "They're just scratches. They don't even hurt so badly."

"We should clean them anyway." Ratonhnhaké:ton's unoccupied hand grabbed one of the remaining rags and threw it into the hot water as well. I surrendered and freed my hand from his grip to loosen the belt around my waist and open the laces of my shift until I could pull my arms out of the sleeves, which were as lightly ripped as the shirt. Whatever kind of bush I had fallen into, it had made quite a good job. The scratches on my arms were blazing red and only looking at them made me feel like the ache got even worse. Grumbling I held the shift over my chest with one hand while Ratonhnhaké:ton took the other and pulled my arm into the light to have a better look at it. His look could make you believe I had been scratched by a cougar and not a bush.

"It could be worse", I murmured and winced when Ratonhnhaké:ton ran the heated rag over the first scratch. Each one of them, no matter how small, was thoroughly cleaned and even treated with the salve before Ratonhnhaké:ton turned to my other arm and finally my neck and left cheek. The whole time we didn't speak a word, although my initial question about Kanen'tó:kon was still between us. It wasn't forgotten, I could feel it. I could literally watch Ratonhnhaké:ton pondering about it and I was right.

"I just cannot look into his face", Ratonhnhaké:ton murmured when he dabbed the salve onto a scratch on my neck. "I keep seeing him in my head. How he stared at me when he thought I had betrayed my people. He was so full of hatred and believed to his death that I came into the forest to kill him. When he is now treating me like a friend, I really do feel like a traitor."

He had stopped treating me and I saw the pain in his face before he pressed his fists against his forehead to hide it from me. Once again I felt helpless seeing him like this. I pushed my arms back into the sleeves to use both hands to take his and put them gently away from his face.

"You shouldn't think like this", I whispered. "What happened back then was based on a terrible misunderstanding. It wasn't your fault and it wasn't Kanen'tó:kon's either. He will always be your friend and now you have the chance to remember it and to..."

"I thrust a blade into his throat, Lillian." I winced when he interrupted me. His voice sounded strained as if he had to concentrate on not getting angry and I saw the same in his eyes as he looked at me. "I watched him die and let him believe I had abused his trust. That he is here now does not change anything."

"Maybe it doesn't. But like I said, what happened back then was..."

"You were not there." Ratonhnhaké:ton pulled his hands away and folded them in his lap just to stare down at them. I was sitting there with my mouth slightly opened and not knowing what to do. To see him like this hurt me but that he turned me down was even worse. Of course I did understand him but I just couldn't accept that he was literally lashing himself. Could one person really be so burdened with guilt? I doubted it but probably he was right with what he hadn't spoken out directly.

"What do I know?", I asked quietly and took my shirt to take it on again. "I should stop babbling. I am sorry."

With that I slipped into the coat, pulled the tarp in front of the entrance aside and stepped outside into the cold night. I couldn't stay. I needed fresh air, silence and some time for myself to think. That was why I didn't go directly to the campfire where three men were still sitting, Kanen'tó:kon among them. Instead, I walked away from the tents and followed the noise of a creek, running past the camp. It was as dark as it had been in the forest but I didn't care. I sat down on a fallen tree trunk, propped my arms up on my knees and my head on my hands. Staring into the darkness, I tried to bring my rushing thoughts in order. I had the aching need to comfort Ratonhnhaké:ton somehow. But at the same time it wasn't as easy as I wished. Basically I didn't know how he was really feeling. How could I? I had never been forced to kill someone who was close to me. Maybe I made everything worse with my precocious words. I had believed the time he could spend with Kanen'tó:kon now would help Ratonhnhaké:ton to finish with the past. Obviously I was too credulous.

Sighing I raised my head from my hands and laid them onto the tree beside me. My fingers slid over the rough bark and started to break off small, rotten pieces. I crumbled piece after piece between them without really noticing what I was doing. I was so lost in my dark thoughts that I didn't hear the approaching steps. Only when the silhouette of a hand with an object in it appeared in the corner of my eye, I startled up and looked at the man behind me.

"May I offer you a drink?"

"Ezra!" I cleared my throat and wiped the bark off my hands on my skirt. "No, thanks."

He pulled the flask away and climbed over the tree so that he was standing in front of me. Still only a shadow in the darkness.

"May I sit with you?"

I hesitated. Actually I had wanted to be alone but what achievement brought it to drown in my thoughts? I nodded and added "Of course", whereupon Ezra sat down beside me.

"I wondered why you're sitting here so alone", he started. "Is something wrong?"

I hesitated again but came to the conclusion that I wouldn't be able to pretend that everything was fine.

"Actually yes", I answered. "But it's very complicated."

"I see."

For a while, the stream was the only thing to hear and this silence was unpleasant. I felt like I had to hold a conversation, but my head was empty and I didn't come up with a harmless topic. I didn't need to. Again it was Ezra who began to speak, even though a bit hesitantly.

"I heard what happened by the fire", he said slowly. "Your husband...does he treat you well?"

I just stared at him for a moment. I didn't understand the reason for this question but when I did, I nodded so energetically that he could certainly see it. "Yes! He would never..."

"It's fine." Ezra raised a hand and I could hear in his voice that he regretted to have asked this question. "My apologies. I didn't want to make a false accusation."

I lowered my eyes to my folded hands in my lap, lips pressed together. The question hadn't been unpleasant for him alone. I would have never come to the conclusion that someone could believe Ratonhnhaké:ton wasn't treating me well. Probably I was lucky that he did quite the contrary. He treated me with the same respect he showed any other woman. For him there was no difference between men and women regarding their standing and value and this was one of the many reasons I loved him since I had always known it differently. It shocked me that Ezra had got another impression. I had been surprised by Ratonhnhaké:ton's short outburst and harsh tone, too. I didn't know him like this but at least I knew the reason and got the urge to explain it to Ezra. I didn't want him to think wrong of Ratonhnhaké:ton.

"He isn't well right now", I began slowly and directly saw Ratonhnhaké:ton in front of my inner eye, sitting slumped in our tent. "He suffered a terrible loss some time ago and he feels guilty for it. This guilt is torturing him. I thought I could comfort him but did a terrible job."

"I see."

I nodded unnecessarily, wishing to emphasize my words.

"No matter how often we're suffering a loss ourselves, we will never be able to understand how others with the same fate feel." Ezra leaned a bit forward and picked up a grass stalk to twist it between his fingers. "Everybody feels different and no matter how well you know someone, you will never find the right words to comfort them."

"So you think that I should have shut my mouth?"

"No, I don't. You wanted to help and that's never wrong." He propped up his forearms on his knees and turned his head to me. Although I couldn't see his face, I felt his gaze on me and for some reason, I felt better. He really seemed to be convinced of his words and didn't say them just because he wanted to comfort me.

"You know, guilt is a creeping poison", he continued, still serious. "It slowly spreads through your body, does its damage and eventually brings you to your knees."

I gulped. That was not what I wanted to hear right now while I had left Ratonhnhaké:ton alone with his feeling of guilt.

"Poison is deadly", I whispered.

"Not always. You have to find the antidote."

"Which is?"

"It depends, but you should consider that it will never be a complete remedy. It can only contain the poison's effect."

I nodded slowly, although his words weren't directly comforting. But to compare feelings of guilt with poison seemed to be a fitting image. Today I had seen them corroding Ratonhnhaké:ton. I had also felt guilt that had tortured me, but eventually I had learned to live with it. Although I had certainly not experienced what had happened to Ratonhnhaké:ton but I understood nevertheless what Ezra wanted to say and he was right. It would never fade away entirely. I turned my eyes to the man beside me who had started to play with the stalk again.

"You sound very wise", I said and smirked. "It's like I'm talking to an old philosopher. But you're hardly older than me."

Ezra chuckled. "Well, as a gentleman I have to deny this. But I think somebody like me is always forced to develop such alleged wisdom."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You will learn it soon enough, believe me." Ezra stood up. "You should go to sleep. Dawn isn't far. Good night, Lillian."

"Good night", I replied quietly and watched him stepping over the trunk before disappearing from my sight.

I looked into the direction of the stream again but Ezra's voice made me turn around. He had stopped. "What you said to him can't be totally wrong. If he's smart, he knows it."

"You don't know what I said."

"Whatever it was, it was what you thought was right. We always speak from our hearts to the people we love. There's nothing wrong about it." With that he turned away and left. I looked after him thoughtfully and only now I noticed something about his movements. His left arm dangled in a strange way while he was obviously limping, but I couldn't see it clearly enough. He had disappeared into the darkness too quickly but each of his words was still here. Everything he had said about himself and about guilt. I didn't know how I could help Ratonhnhaké:ton but Ezra had made me feel better. Maybe it was possible that Ratonhnhaké:ton found the antidote, a way out of his guilt on his own. But if he allowed me to, I wanted to help him with it.

I rose from the trunk, too and slowly returned to our tent. Ratonhnhaké:ton had dimmed the light and when I entered, he was sitting on the furs he had prepared already and raised his head. Wordlessly I closed the tarp, took off the coat, folded it and put it aside.

"I am sorry for talking to you so rudely", Ratonhnhaké:ton started after I had sat down and I saw honest regret in his eyes which made me shake my head.

"It's fine. It was no easy situation for you, I understand. I have to apologize if I said something inappropriate. I didn't intend to."

"I know. Everything is alright."

I was really relieved when he put his arms around me and pulled me closer. He appeared to be more relaxed than he had been when I had left the tent. I hoped that he didn't act like this to reassure me. With the thought of it, I had to remember Ezra's words again. Saying that what I had said to Ratonhnhaké:ton couldn't be wrong and basically I still believed in my own words and although I feared that Ratonhnhaké:ton could get them wrong, I didn't want to keep them to myself. Not after my conversation with Ezra.

"I think we are more tempted to remember the moments we shared with people we love before they left. The last time we saw them", I started quietly and leaned my head against Ratonhnhaké:ton's shoulder. He had folded his hands on my hip and laid his cheek against my forehead while listening to me.

"When I think of my mother, the first image I get of her is her leaving my room in anger. The last thing she said to me was that I was jangling her nerves." I bit my bottom lip when it began to tremble. "I would do everything to see her one more time. No matter how short. I want to replace the negative feeling I have about our last meeting with something positive. No matter if I can forget the actual incident or not, I could at least stick to a positive memory."

Tears ran over my face and I wiped them away while I pulled away from Ratonhnhaké:ton to sit in front of him and to look at him. "I know: What happened between you and Kanen'tó:kon is not comparable at all. But you have a chance. You can spend time with him and remember your friendship. I think it was never over." I ended and took a deep breath, lowering my eyes to my hands. "I just wanted to tell you this."

I received no answer. Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't say anything about what I had just said. He remained silent but at least he didn't seem to be angry. In the contrary. When he noticed my uncertainty, he shortly put a hand on my cheek and finally pulled me into his arms again. Maybe this was enough of an answer.


	65. Chapter 65

_**To Luthlien:** No need to apologize. ;) I'm glad you're back._

* * *

 **Boston**

A gentle shaking on my shoulder woke me and grumbling I buried my face deeper in my arms. My body was filled with a dull ache which I couldn't describe but it made me wish I could sleep a bit longer. Again I was shaken but this time I received a light kiss into the hollow underneath my ear.

"Lillian, wake up. We will leave soon."

 _Leave?_ Blinking I opened my eyes and looked straight at the mud-coloured tarp, illuminated by the morning sun and bathing the whole tent in a likewise mud-coloured light. _Of course._

I screwed up my face as I realised once again where I was and at the same time, I remembered all the events of last night which now felt like a whole day, but in the face of my tiredness too short. A cold draught brushed my back when Ratonhnhaké:ton lifted the blanket and stood up. Lazily I turned my head into his direction and watched him stepping to the entrance and pushing the tarp aside to glance outside. Unintentionally I began to search his face for any sign of the emotional pain he had shown last night. But he looked calm and relaxed, according to the circumstances. Nobody of us would find any relaxation soon.

"How are you?" I couldn't hold back this question and Ratonhnhaké:ton closed the tarp again as he looked back to me. He shrugged his shoulders.

"I do not know. It certainly will not be easy for me to be with Kanen'tó:kon. But the thought of it does not feel so unbearable anymore."

"That's good to hear." I smiled softly and sat up. At least I tried to. I had hardly pushed myself up when a dull ache ran through my back and made me gasp. It felt like the skin had been stretched until it had lost its whole flexibility and my mobility with it.

"What is wrong?" Ratonhnhaké:ton had kneeled down beside me and watched me with concern as I tried to sit up as slowly as possible. I almost felt like an old woman.

"When I fell off Ori:te', I fell onto my back. I guess it's taking its toll now."

"You did not tell me yesterday."

"It was bearable." I screwed up my face as I finally sat more or less upright but tried to give Ratonhnhaké:ton a smile because he still looked terribly worried. "It's fine. I think I should be careful with my movements."

He didn't appear to be very convinced. "Let me have a look."

I didn't even try to contradict. Clenching my teeth I pulled the shirt over my head, needing the helping hand of Ratonhnhaké:ton and tugged the shift out of the skirt so that Ratonhnhaké:ton could push it up until my back was bare. I shivered when the cold morning air brushed my skin but I winced even more when Ratonhnhaké:ton carefully put a finger on my back. My gasp sounded like the hiss of a cat but I suppressed the urge to really hiss at him. It hurt.

"You should have told me yesterday. We could have treated it preventatively. Your whole back is black and blue."

"It feels like it."

"But I guess you were lucky. It seems to be just a bruise. Otherwise you probably would not be able to move at all." Ratonhnhaké:ton let the shift slide down my back again and stood up. "I will ask Logan for something to treat it with. Wait a moment."

And I waited. I had nothing left anyway but Ratonhnhaké:ton's hands were empty when he returned and sat down beside me.

"He said his supplies were empty and the salve will not be enough. We will have to find a pharmacy in Boston." He looked me over with concern. "Do you think you can ride?"

I gave a forced smile. "I guess I have to. Maybe I can ask someone for alcohol and get drunk."

The corners of Ratonhnhaké:ton's mouth twitched lightly about my joking words and he finally grabbed my hands to carefully help me getting onto my feet. Under the painful protest of my back, I straightened my skirt, put on the shirt and brought my hair in order while Ratonhnhaké:ton was packing our belongings together. We left the tent and again I shivered in the morning cold. It had been much warmer inside. Our breath rose into the air as fine daze and glistened in the light of the sun, shining through the forest's ceiling from a clear blue sky. It was one of these cold morning when I didn't mind the coldness because of the beauty of the nature. My gaze roamed over the bushes and grasses, covered in shimmering dewdrops while I followed Ratonhnhaké:ton to the campfire where five men were already sitting and having breakfast. Kanen'tó:kon and Logan were among them and the latter rose with a wide smile when we approached and I returned the utensils he had given me yesterday to him. I received a bowl with porridge in return and I thanked him before I took a seat and tasted of the thick, greyish meal. It wasn't quite a culinary delight, but I was so hungry that I didn't care. I ate in silence but couldn't stop myself from curiously looking the men around me over. Now that I could see them in daylight, I especially noticed that they were a bunch of many different kinds of people. Some looked like farmers, others like experienced soldiers. They were of different builds and ages. One man here by the fire was probably about sixteen or eighteen years old. It was interesting to see how all of these men got along with each other, especially because they had one aim. Those who sat around the fire were talking lively, about their next plans for example. Others were sitting by their tents, sharpening their swords while others were caring for the horses. I tried to find out who of them was Ezra, but until now I didn't see him anywhere.

Only when someone said my name, I startled from my observations and heat rose into my cheeks as I found myself in front of several pairs of eyes, looking at me. Obviously I hadn't noticed that the conversation had turned towards me.

"Er...I am sorry. What did you say?"

"I asked if you want to stay with us after we arrived in Boston. Otherwise we could find a safe place for you."

"No, of course I am going to stay", I answered right after Kanen'tó:kon's question and gave Ratonhnhaké:ton a short look. I was surprised that he hadn't made this clear yet, but he gave a hardly noticeable smile which told me that he had wanted to leave this decision to me. But that I stayed in Boston while he moved on with the others was out of the question.

"I know that I won't be a help", I started while looking at Kanen'tó:kon again. "But I am not going to leave Ratonhnhaké:ton's side until...this is over."

I didn't say what I meant with "this". It was enough that Ratonhnhaké:ton knew what I was talking about. Kanen'tó:kon nodded and smiled reassuringly. "Alright. I think this will not be a problem."

I was relieved when the other men nodded confirmatively. It wouldn't have been surprising if they had said something against my company but it was good to know that I wasn't a burden for anyone. At least I hoped it was going to stay like this. As long as I could, I didn't want to let that happen.

"We should set off soon", said one of the men. "We could be close to Boston by nightfall and can set up a camp there."

"But our supplies are very scarce. Maybe they will be enough for a meal like this but nobody will be full for long", another one replied.

"I think we will be able to get over one night." Kanen'tó:kon had put his bowl aside and pointed at Ratonhnhaké:ton who had been silent until now. "Ratonhnhaké:ton and I will go hunting. We will be faster and more efficient together. What do you think, brother?"

Ratonhnhaké:ton lowered his bowl and slowly rose his head. Concerned I looked at him and saw a short uncertainty on his face which disappeared quickly as he nodded. "Of course."

"It's decided then." Logan stood up and clapped his hands so loudly that it echoed through the camp. "Pack your things together, mates. We are leaving."

Within minutes, eleven men - Ratonhnhaké:ton among them – were dismantling the tents and everything that didn't fit into saddlebags was loaded onto a small cart. I had wanted to help, too but was always sent away with reassuring smiles and "We're doing it"s. So I eventually found myself sitting on a tree stump and watching the men. I had to admit that I didn't mind. My back was still hurting with almost every movement but I thought that it had got better already. I couldn't say if I had got used to the pain or if it was really getting better, but I didn't care anyway. I was just filled with horror when I thought of the ride, but didn't dare to ask if I was allowed to drive on the cart. As far as I heard it, it was supposed to bring up the rear and I felt safer in Ratonhnhaké:ton's direct presence. Although they all seemed to be very friendly until now, I didn't know the men well enough to be on a cart ride with them for several hours. The cart was almost loaded and probably hadn't enough space for me, too. I looked at the four men who were doing the last preparations on the cart and once again I asked myself, if one of them was Ezra. But I was sure I hadn't been mistaken about his limping walk and none of the men I saw here was conspicuous in this kind of way. He should be here in the camp but I hadn't heard his name anywhere, although the men were constantly shouting out to each other. Should I ask for him?

"Lillian!"

I glanced over my shoulder and saw Ratonhnhaké:ton standing beside a saddled Ori:te'. The other riders had prepared their horses, too. Obviously it was time to leave. Certainly I was going to meet Ezra later. Tonight at the latest when we set up another camp.

* * *

The ride was sheer agony. Although I sat behind Ratonhnhaké:ton so that my back didn't lean against his chest, every bump in the road and every resulting stumble of Ori:te' caused a dull pain in my back. Not mentioning the eventual changes in tempo because the men couldn't show consideration for me. I was grateful for every break we had on the way, yet I tried not to look so...suffering. I was surrounded by men who had certainly endured worse injuries after all and I especially didn't want Ratonhnhaké:ton to keep looking at me as if I was dying. It was enough that he noticed every time I hid my face behind his shoulder blades to swear the pain away. The only way to make me believe I could endure them more easily.

When we made a final halt in the late evening and had set up the camp, I wanted nothing more but to lie down and relax my abused muscles and maybe find some sort of sleep rhythm. The latter was rather a dream than anything else. I didn't come to rest yet. I spent the evening with most of the men around the fire and we waited for the return of Ratonhnhaké:ton and Kanen'tó:kon who were on the hunt. The men were holding lively conversations and laughed while I stared silently into the flames. I didn't feel like talking. For one thing because I had nothing to contribute to their conversation and for another thing because I was worried about Ratonhnhaké:ton. After last night I asked myself how he was while being in the forest with his childhood friend. But it turned out that my concerns were unfounded. When both returned with rich quarry, they seemed to be very pleased and Ratonhnhaké:ton looked relaxed as he sat beside me by the fire and Kanen'tó:kon started to tell about their hunt where Ratonhnhaké:ton had been the first to locate the game.

"Some things will never change", Kanen'tó:kon said with a smirk after he had taken a seat, too and I also saw a smirk on Ratonhnhaké:ton's face and an amused twinkle in his eyes.

"You know: It is all about practicing."

When everyone was busy preparing the meat, Ratonhnhaké:ton's arm laid around my waist for a moment and I closed my eyes with a soft smile when he kissed my temple and propped up his chin on my shoulder.

"It is not easy", he murmured into my ear. "But in the forest I really felt like...this...incident never happened."

* * *

In the late morning, we arrived at Boston's borders. We approached the city from the north where the more agricultural area spread behind parts of the city wall, before the road lead directly into Boston's heart. At least this was the way I knew it. When we approached Boston, I was almost horrified by the city wall which was much more massive and longer than I remembered it. I could even see scaffoldings in the distance where they continued the work on the wall. It seemed like this city was on the way of becoming a stronghold and I was scared by the thought of entering it. What was awaiting us behind these stone walls and the guarded gate? I had never seen it guarded.

While I and also Ratonhnhaké:ton were surprised by this fact, the other men didn't seem to mind. We had stopped on the edge of the forest and everyone was looking over the plain in front of us to the city. Nobody spoke a word.

"What are we waiting for?", I asked Ratonhnhaké:ton sheepishly but it was Kanen'tó:kon who answered.

"We have sent a man here yesterday morning. He will listen around in the city and tell us about everything that happened while we were gone."

"Do they know you in the city?"

Kanen'tó:kon shook his head. "Not our faces. Those who are known are somewhere else where they are unknown. We cannot afford to get men arrested."

These arrests certainly ended with the deaths of the prisoners. I was sure about it after everything I had seen and heard.

As silent as the others, I looked to the gate which was continuously used by people, entering or leaving the city. No matter where they were going to, they were always checked by the soldiers. Boston wasn't becoming a stronghold. It already was one.

"There he is", I heard Logan murmuring behind us, when a group of four people left the city. A woman, two men and a person in a ragged hooded coat. They were limping, not using their right leg and the left sleeve dangled as if their wasn't an arm inside. This walk seemed familiar to me and I stretched a bit more to have a better look at the person who was slowly coming up the path to the forest.

"Can't the freak limp a bit faster?", one of the men grumbled and earned my shocked gaze while Logan reprimanded him harshly.

"Shut up, Geralt. He at least manages it to stroll through the city without drawing the attention of a dozen of soldiers because he has to talk big."

Geralt mumbled something incomprehensible but remained silent when the man he had talked about reached us.

He looked like a beggar in his ragged clothes but although I believed I had recognized his walk, I couldn't see his face. He had pulled the wide hood deep into his face and stood several steps away from us so that I could hardly try to glance underneath it. But Kanen'tó:kon confirmed his identity.

"Ezra, did everything go well?"

The man he had spoken to nodded. "The others are fine. They're waiting for you to plan the next steps. But there is one problem." His head shortly nodded towards Ratonhnhaké:ton and me. "His face is decorating almost every wall in the city. They are offering a high reward for his capture. He won't be able to enter the city without getting hunted. The same goes for you, Kanen'tó:kon. The face on the posters doesn't look like his, but it will be enough that they are searching for a Native."

That really sounded like a problem. Obviously Ratonhnhaké:ton's actions had become more popular than we had known.

"We will have to find a way to get him into the city unrecognized. I will get inside somehow." Kanen'tó:kon's eyes turned to his friend. "We will hardly be able to hide you in a cart. It will be checked."

"Is there another way behind these walls? A hidden one?", Ratonhnhaké:ton asked but Kanen'tó:kon shook his head.

"Unfortunately not. We can only get through the gates but they are all well guarded."

A thoughtful silence spread. Everyone was aware that we had to get rid of this problem because if Ratonhnhaké:ton was supposed to become a part of the rebellion, he had to get into the city to plan the next steps against Washington with the others. He needed to get inside. We both had to, but I had just asked myself what happened to prisoners after all and I didn't want Ratonhnhaké:ton to suffer the same fate. But I had no idea either. Hadn't Ratonhnhaké:ton and I faced a similar problem once?

"Maybe it will be enough to adjust his appearance to the rest of the townsfolk?", I carefully started and gained questioning gazes from all sides. "Well, I mean we have to get some bourgeois clothes for him and hide everything Native about him so that he looks like a normal inhabitant."

"Well, but you can tell by his looks that he is Native." Logan was audibly sceptical. I shrugged my shoulders but it was Ratonhnhaké:ton who answered.

"Not if you pretend to have another origin", he mumbled. Good. He had understood what I wanted to say but didn't sound thrilled. I hadn't expected it anyway.

"Well, it is worth the try", Kanen'tó:kon said and looked thoughtfully at the city. "Bu we have to buy these clothes for you and for you, too Lillian. Although you are a white woman, you are wearing the clothes of a Mohawk. This could draw even more attention."

I nodded. He was right but the question was: Where to get the clothes without stealing them?

When I uttered this thought, Logan dismounted his horse, took a big bag from out of his saddle bag and swung it over his shoulder.

"I will go. I can stock up my supplies on the way." He nodded at me. "But I would like to take Lillian with me. You know better what kinds of clothes you need. I have a coat you can put on. If you're fine with it."

Now his eyes had turned to Ratonhnhaké:ton who returned his gaze silently at first. I for my part had nothing to say against this plan. Until now Logan had appeared to be very reliable and sociable and I was sure that I didn't need to feel unsafe in his presence. But I didn't know if Ratonhnhaké:ton had the same faith in the strong man. He glanced at me over his shoulder and said: "Only if Lillian is fine with it."

I nodded and climbed off Ori:te's back. Ratonhnhaké:ton gave me the moneybag from one of the saddle bags and held my hand for a moment when I grabbed it. He leaned down to me and said so quietly that only I could hear him: "No justaucorps, no patent shoes and no ridiculous ribbons."

I grinned widely. "Promised."

Ratonhnhaké:ton nodded, a small smile on his lips. "Be careful", he said and sat up again. I stepped to Logan who gave me a huge coat which I could wrap around me twice. It reached down to my ankles and I had to turn the sleeves up. But at least it was warm.

"Will you wait here?", Logan asked after he had handed his short sword and two daggers to one of the men and had told me to leave my knife with Ratonhnhaké:ton.

"We are going to ride to the south gate and wait for you there. The guards will not notice your quick return", Kanen'tó:kon answered.

Logan nodded and turned away without saying another word. I followed him and when I passed Ezra, I tried to peek underneath his hood, but he seemed to turn away from me on purpose.


	66. Chapter 66

**Familiar but still so different**

"And how shall we get past the guards?", I asked Logan as we stopped behind a hay cart which was just searched. Watching the soldiers searching the cart and its owner without any consideration made me feel sick. I already saw us with one foot in prison or in our graves but Logan seemed to be very relaxed. But maybe he just pretended to be.

"Leave talking to me and if they ask you something, just nod."

"So I'm playing the simple-minded companion?"

Logan grinned at me. "Can you do that?"

I just nodded and Logan's grin widened for a moment before he slipped into his role as well, because the cart moved on and we approached the soldiers, while I wrapped the coat tighter around my body and tried to stare around as casually as possible.

"What is your business in the city?", one of the man asked when he had hardly stopped in front of them.

"A warm meal and a soft bed, Sir. My cousin and I are on the journey through to New York. We finally want to see our Majesty's palest with our own eyes." The way Logan spoke had something dutiful about it. Like a boy who was giving account to his father, topped with great admiration and respect when talking about Washington. At least it seemed to be reason enough for the soldier to stay in Boston. He looked us over and asked: "Do you carry any weapons?"

Logan opened his jacket and gave the man his pistol which was looking quite old. "Only for self-defence", he explained while the soldier regarded the pistol and returned it to him.

"You won't need it in the city. If you should carry it visibly, you will be punished."

Logan nodded and hid the pistol under his clothes again. The soldier's eyes turned to me who was staring at a weathered stone in the wall. "Miss, are you carrying any weapons?"

I looked at him and nodded, a stupid grin on my face. The soldier raised an eyebrow and looked at Logan, who immediately answered his silent question. "Yes, unfortunately she's a bit...beside herself, if you know what I mean."

The soldier mumbled something incomprehensible and looked at me again. I still grinned widely although I actually didn't feel like it at all. My heart was in my throat and I hoped that he didn't notice my nervousness which became worse when he came closer and said: "We have to search her anyway."

He reached out a hand for me and in this moment, I had no other idea but to scream at him as loud as I could. The high pitch even hurt in my own ears but I wanted to stop him from searching me by all means. Although I was carrying no weapon, but I neither wanted him to touch me, nor to find what I was wearing under the coat which I began to beat hectically, as if I believed there were any critters which had got there by the soldier's approach alone. He had shrunk back, looking down at himself as if he expected to see the little creatures which I pretended to shake off, still screaming and hiding behind Logan, who laid an arm around me and reassured me until I let the screaming subside to a whimper.

"I am sorry, Sir. She is very fearful when strangers are approaching her. But she's harmless."

"I hope so", the soldier growled. "As long as you are on the journey through, I don't mind. We don't need a crazy woman who's scaring the people."

"This won't happen, I promise."

Again the man grumbled something and I had to pull myself together not to give a sigh of relief when he let us pass. I had put on my stupid grin again and only received derogatory gazes in return which I didn't mind at all. I was just glad that we had made it pass the soldiers.

"Hey, wait a minute."

My heart almost stopped and I gave Logan a nervous glance from the side. He had pressed his lips together, too and I saw his hand twitching underneath his coat where he was carrying the pistol. But when we turned around to the soldier, he was smiling friendly.

"Sir?"

The soldier had followed us, stopped now and put a hand on the handle of his rapier while he looked me over again. Frowning this time. Now it was even harder to keep a dumb face. I just wanted to turn around and run away. _Say what you want,_ I thought while the soldier was silent for quite some time. Then he took his hand off his rapier and shrugged his shoulders.

"Don't mind. Maybe you should arrange a bath for you two. You're looking like a beggar while she's looking like a plucked chicken. Maybe she won't stick out so badly after a bath."

 _Oh, thank you very much._

"I will take care of it. Thank you, Sir."

The soldier nodded and let us go with a slack gesture.

After we had made some steps and had finally turned into a street, I allowed myself an audible sigh of relief. "That was close. I thought he would..." I paused and gave Logan a confused look. He had started to giggle and finally laughed loud enough for me to look nervously around.

"Jesus, you really scared me", Logan laughed. "When he wanted to search you, I wanted to distract him but you really managed that on your own. The look on his face..." He uttered another loud laugh and I couldn't stop myself from grinning.

"It was the first thing that came to my mind."

"Well, luckily your sweetheart didn't come to safe you."

"I am sure he knew I wasn't in trouble. Normally I don't...shriek...I guess."

Logan laughed again and I raised a hand to cover my mouth to hide a giggle myself. Some passers-by already casted sceptical glances at us. Certainly they thought we were drunk since we were apparently not looking very presentable. We only calmed down when we had already crossed some streets and alleys and only then I took the time to look around. Surprisingly, Boston's centre hadn't changed so much. The streets were full of people as well as the market stands at some corners. Everyone was busy, doings their businesses and appeared to be pleased. The only thing I noticed immediately were the posters. Ezra hadn't exaggerated with saying that Ratonhnhaké:ton's face was decorating almost every house in the city. Every poster was warning about a native traitor and agitator. Whoever brought him to the king's men alive would be rewarded.

"Why is he the only one they are chasing in public?" I asked eventually. "He isn't the only one doing something against Washington."

"But the only one with a face." Like me, Logan had lowered his voice and had an inconspicuous look around while continuing. "He drew attention to himself in the village, killed Arnold...to Washington and his men he is practically the representative of the whole rebellion, just because they couldn't catch one of us or because we left no witnesses. They think they know some names, but it's easier to sic people on a Native than on a fellow countryman."

"And the people believe that?"

"Those who live in the cities do. They are having a very different life here. Safe and without harassments. They are told that the frontier is full of traitors and so they have no idea what's really going on. They are admiring Washington for defeating the British and offering them this life. They don't see his true nature."

I shook my head and looked at the people around me who were having a peaceful life here while the people of the frontier were starving and in constant fear of death. No matter if man, woman or child.

"It's not fair", I murmured. "There must be a way to open their eyes."

Logan shook his head. "I'm afraid there isn't. They are so loyal to Washington that they are ignoring any kind of criticism. We can only fight the evil itself."

And this evil was looking at you from many posters as well. A serious looking Washington, a crown on his head and a sceptre in his hand, promising safety, freedom and a big future to his "people". I felt sick with the look at this propaganda. I tried to ignore the posters while we kept walking through the city. With Logan's words in the back of my mind I now regarded Boston with different eyes. The people seemed to be happy and peaceful, yes. But I couldn't see anyone of those who were not so lucky in life. Who had not enough money to buy a loaf of bread on the market. This wasn't a bad thing but I honestly asked myself where these people were. I doubted that Washington had managed to raise the wealth of everyone in Boston and to get the beggars, orphans and tramps off Boston's streets. At least not with helping them and the thought of what had happened to them instead made me feel sick. I knew exactly what Washington and his men were capable of after all. Maybe the people of the lower social classes had no place in his fortress of peace, safety and big future. This would certainly explain why the soldier at the gate had told us to get a bath and the soldiers who were patrolling everywhere would certainly do everything to keep the people from stepping out of the line.

"I don't want to stay here for long", I murmured and Logan nodded beside me.

"But Boston won't be like this any longer."

We crossed a market place, a broad street and finally we were standing in front of a tailor's shop. Only now I realized that I knew this area and when I read the sign over the shop's window, my heartbeat faltered before it started to rush.

" _Frey's Fabrics and Clothes_ ", I read whispering. _Maria?_

"We should find something for you here...Lillian?"

I hadn't listened to Logan anymore but had hurried to the front door and entered the shop. Inside, everything looked so much like the first and last time I had seen it. I could almost picture myself walking through the shop with Emily by my side and admiring everything. The fabrics, the dresses, the accessories. Only minor things had changed but not the man who was standing behind the counter and gave a friendly smile to Logan and me as we entered.

"Welcome. How can I help you?"

I must stare at Ted as if he was a ghost because eventually, he looked at me confused himself. I tried to pull myself together and to not think about my best friend who could be somewhere here in the shop and that she must be fine since she was living here in the city. So before Ted could think I was the crazy woman I had played at the gate, I put on a smile and stepped to the counter.

"I'm looking for clothes for my husband and me. We have been on the road for quite a long time and unfortunately you can tell it by the looks of our clothes."

Ted nodded slowly, still a friendly smile on his lips. Whatever he was thinking about me, he didn't show it. "In this case, please allow me to go and get my wife. She's the tailor here."

And again my heart made a leap. I could only give a silent nod because I believed my throat was too dry to speak all of the sudden. Ted nodded at me and Logan, who was staying discretely in the background, and disappeared through the door of which I knew that it was leading to the backrooms of the shop. Where Maria and I had sat together, drinking tea and chatting. I hardly felt that my hands were shaking while I kept staring at this door. I was looking forward to seeing Maria again. No matter if she knew me or not. But it turned out differently.

As the door opened, my smile widened for a moment before disappearing entirely. The woman who came out of the backroom and to the counter, smiling friendly at me, wasn't Maria. She had dark hair and dark eyes but they were only external similarities. She wasn't Maria and with this thought I realized that it had been stupid to hope it. Maria had come to America with me after I had wanted to leave my home country. We had met after Ratonhnhaké:ton had brought me to England. I already knew that all of this had never happened here. Certainly Maria was still in England, working as a handmaiden for some rich family and so she had never been able to meet the man she loved. Instead of her, another woman was calling herself his wife now. A bitter realization and I had to force myself to smile at the woman as friendly as she was smiling at me. I had the feeling that Ted had cheated on Maria but this was a stupid thought.

"You are looking for clothes for your husband and yourself?", Mrs Frey tore me out of my dark thoughts and shortly glanced at Logan. I nodded stiffly but added a shake of my head which understandably seemed to confuse her.

"Yes...well...no...I", I stammered and shortly closed my eyes to bring my thoughts in order. I had to stop thinking about Maria, Ted and this woman and concentrate on the really important things. No matter how hard it was. "Well, yes: I am looking for clothes for my husband and me but he" I pointed at Logan. "is my...cousin. Unfortunately my husband isn't here yet."

Mrs Frey nodded slowly. "I understand. And what exactly do you need?"

"Everything." I gave a forced smile. "It doesn't need to be expensive and of high quality."

She nodded again and thoughtfully pressed her lips together as her gaze roamed through the shop. I was glad that she wasn't asking more questions. Certainly it didn't occur often that someone was asking for a whole outfit. Mrs Frye pulled away from the counter and indicated to me that I should follow her. She started to show me some clothes and piece after piece, I collected what Ratonhnhaké:ton and I were going to need to look like normal citizens. But I really did without elaborate decorations on purpose. Because of our purse and with the hope that Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't draw attention like this. But still I was pleased with my choice as Mrs Frey packed the clothes into a bag which I bought as well. I had to give her the whole content of our purse but the clothes were more important for now than the supplies and other things we had wanted to buy with the money.

When we left the shop, I was kind of relieved. This meeting with the "other" Mrs Frey had been very strange and unpleasant. I just hoped that I had been able to hide it. Logan didn't tell me that I had behaved strangely at least. Silently we crossed the streets and finally entered a pharmacy were Logan bough several herbs, salves and bandages to stock up his supplies. As we left the pharmacy, he pushed a little pouch and a jar into my hands.

"You will put the herbs in the pouch into your bathwater and the salve onto the bruises. It will be good for your back."

"Thank you." I smirked. "But a bath sounds too good to be true."

Logan laughed. "You better believe it. The next two days are probably going to be the last pleasant ones before we set off again. You won't be able to have a hot bath again so soon."

"Thank you for lifting my spirits. I really appreciate it."

Logan laughed again and I joined in. It was very pleasant to walk through this strange Boston with him. Our next destination was the southern gate where we were going to meet the others. The soldiers checked us, too but weren't so as critical as their comrades at the northern gate. They just peeked into our bags and beckoned us through to turn their attention to the cart behind us. We passed richly overgrown fields and hardly working farmers, approaching a small group of houses and barns. Only Ratonhnhaké:ton and Kanen'tó:kon were waiting there for us. You could tell by his looks that Ratonhnhaké:ton was very relieved as he saw us.

"Did everything go well?", he asked when Logan and I reached them and he shortly looked me over as if he expected to find injuries. As annoying as it was sometimes, it always touched me that he was so worried about me.

"Yes", I answered his question with a reassuring smile. "We have everything we need."

"And your beloved is a sly dog", Logan added grinning. "They almost got us at the north gate but she dealt with them on her own."

"Yes, we have noticed that." A faint smile flitted across Ratonhnhaké:ton's lips as he looked at me and made me smirk. He certainly wasn't very surprised about my little show.

"You should get changed then. As soon as the change of guards is done, you can go back into the city."

"And where are the others? Have they left already?", Logan asked Kanen'tó:kon and he nodded.

"It is better for us to go separately. I will go as soon as Lillian and Ratonhnhaké:ton have made through the gate and draw the attention to myself before following you to the meeting point. Nobody will pay attention to them."

"Sounds risky", I said concerned.

"Maybe, but Ratonhnhaké:ton helped me often enough. It is my turn to return the favour."

"Which still does not mean that I like the plan."

Kanen'tó:kon shortly put a hand on Ratonhnhaké:ton's shoulder as he raised this justified objection. I could imagine that he disliked that his friend was going to step into the line of fire for him but Kanen'tó:kon seemed very convinced by his plan. "I know how to get away from them, brother. Do not worry." He nodded at the barn next to us. "And now get changed. It is almost noon."

Ratonhnhaké:ton nodded shortly, patted Kanen'tó:kon's shoulder in return before opening the barn's gate and closing it behind us again after we had entered it. In the back of the barn, it was filled to the roof with bales of hay and straw. The cart of our little group was standing in the front, still loaded with the tents and other utensils. Even the horses, our Ori:te' among them, were standing here and enjoyed the hay.

"Who owns the barn?", I asked Ratonhnhaké:ton who had already started to empty the bag with our new clothes.

"One of the men", he explained and gave me my new blouse which I put over the cart's axis for now. I didn't receive more of an explanation but it wasn't necessary anyway. The only thing that mattered right now was who was on our side and who wasn't.

"Did they tell you what is awaiting us in the city?", I asked while quickly slipping out of the clothes Ratonhnhaké:ton's mother had given to me and exchanging my old shift for the new one. It made me feel neater because I had worn the old shift long enough. It could need a washing like the rest of our clothes.

"Not more than you have heard yourself. How is it behind these walls?"

And so I told him about my impressions while we kept changing. Ratonhnhaké:ton listened to me attentively, asked occasional questions and appeared to be preparing for a tactical infiltration and basically we did. I had slipped into skirt, blouse and jacket and tied my hair up so that I could put on the dark green bonnet. Normally I didn't like to wear one but I thought it could help with my unsuspicious appearance. However. I somehow managed it to hide my whole hair underneath the bonnet and only tugged out some strands so that it didn't look too meticulous and strict. Ratonhnhaké:ton had turned into a good citizen, too by now. Trousers, shirt, coat and tricorn in plain blue and white colours. I had brought him boots as well which I had got from Ted. They were quite old but would do their job.

"Does everything fit?", I asked and stepped to him to tug at the collar of his shirt. Ratonhnhaké:ton nodded and I took a step back to look him over.

"Do you think I will stick out?", he asked me and I smirked as he stretched his arms out to the side as if he was posing for a tailor.

"I hope not", I said and stepped to him again. "But we should hide this one." I lifted the tricorn and stroked the braid with the pearls and feather underneath it. "Now you should look like a real Boston man."


	67. Chapter 67

**An innocent couple**

When the guards changed on noon, Logan was the first to return into the city. Ratonhnhaké:ton and I would meet him there later and he would lead us to the rebellion's hideout. As long as everything went well. We waited a moment longer before leaving, too. Ratonhnhaké:ton had given his tomahawk, hunting knife and the smoke bombs to Kanen'tó:kon and was only carrying the pistol under his coat. His bow had to wait in the barn for him. I could sense that he didn't like to enter the city nearly unarmed but it was necessary if the soldiers were supposed to let us inside. If they didn't and recognized him right away, Kanen'tó:kon would be there and basically the gate was the most critical point in our plan. Once we were inside, nothing should go wrong anymore. Hypothetically.

When we approached the gate and its guards, my heart began to rush with nervousness but this time it was much worse than earlier this day. My hands began to sweat as well and I had to pull myself together not to cling to Ratonhnhaké:ton's arm I had linked mine to. Ratonhnhaké:ton appeared relaxed but I knew him well enough to notice the hardly visible twitch of the corners of his mouth as a sign of his actual tension.

"Good day, gentlemen", Ratonhnhaké:ton greeted friendly and tapped his hat as we reached the soldiers. "I wish you a peaceful watch."

Logan had told us to act as casual and calm as possible to look like inhabitants and not travellers. The people of Boston had already accepted the permanent presence of soldiers and appreciated and respected the men as their protectors. So Ratonhnhaké:ton showed them his pistol without being asked to, as if he was already used to this control. The soldiers nodded shortly but looked him over, which gave me the feeling of not being able to breathe for a moment. I already expected them to recognize him as the wanted Native, but until now, they didn't look like it.

"Did you have a walk?", the one with Ratonhnhaké:ton's pistol asked and returned the weapon to him.

"Yes. My wife loves strolling through the fields in autumn."

I managed to nod and smile. "It's so beautiful during such weather."

The soldier nodded. "It is. But you shouldn't be outside the walls too often. After all, you don't want to use this pistol to defend your wife, Sir."

"I will remember your warning." Ratonhnhaké:ton tapped his hat again and we were dismissed with a nod. I could hardly believe it. They hadn't hesitated for a second. While we walked away with calm steps, I expected them to call us back but they didn't. I heard Ratonhnhaké:ton exhaling beside me.

"It was too easy", he murmured. "Should they not have been more sceptical?"

"I don't know." I turned my head to the side and pressed a kiss onto his shoulder, only to glance back to the gate. "They don't even look after us. You must have convinced them."

"Although I have talked too much", Ratonhnhaké:ton mumbled and I couldn't stop myself from chuckling.

"Whenever you think you have talked too much, it was totally fine. You held a conversation and a very sovereign one, too. I am proud of you. Obviously you have learned something from me." I grinned widely and gained a quiet snort and a hardly visible shake of his head. Therefore his faint smirk was much clearer to see.

We followed the narrow street away from the gate until it led to a broad main road. Because the agrarian district of the city was located at this part of the wall, it way mainly used by loaded carts which were urging the people to walk along the roadside. We stayed in the shadows of the houses as well but still had to evade one or another horse and wheel. I was glad as we turned into a side alley and reached a road that was lined by shops and was much quieter. Curiously I regarded shop windows we passed by and got a glance at Ratonhnhaké:ton's reflection from time to time, who was busy with watching the people around us. Only once I met his gaze in the window and at the same moment I felt him tensing up.

"Walk on. Stay calm", he murmured to me and this lurking undertone in his voice brought back my uneasiness.

"What is it?" I just wanted to look over my shoulder, but Ratonhnhaké:ton stopped me and kept looking forward.

"A soldier is following us. I knew that it was too easy." He swore quietly in his mother tongue and my heartbeat quickened up again.

"Are you sure he's following us?"

"Yes, but it seems like he is waiting for something. Just go on. Do not turn around."

That was easier said than done. This time I couldn't stop myself from clinging to Ratonhnhaké:ton's sleeve. When he noticed it, he covered my hand with his. "Stay calm", he repeated quietly. We kept our slow pace, although my legs wanted to run. Ratonhnhaké:ton kept whispering to me when he wanted to turn somewhere so that I followed him instead of letting him drag me. It should look like we knew where we wanted to go. We turned into several side streets and I knew that Ratonhnhaké:ton wanted to catch a glimpse of our pursuer in the shops' windows. I saw him in their reflections as well. He kept a safe distance but he was following us. It couldn't be a coincidence that he was always there.

"We need to get rid of him", Ratonhnhaké:ton murmured eventually. We had already reached the district where we wanted to meet Logan in front of a tavern. Several alleys which were leading into backyards were leading off the street we were following. At first I hoped Ratonhnhaké:ton was going to choose one of them but instead he seemed to use the bustle on the street to our advantage. Small groups of people were gathering everywhere, regarding the goods at the market stands or watching the street artists.

"Following us should become boring to him." Ratonhnhaké:ton led me to a stand which was offering diverse wooden goods. Simple spoons, figures and even images that were carved into plates. "We are going to spend some time here", Ratonhnhaké:ton whispered to me and took a pipe to have a closer look at it.

"Don't you think we should try to shake him off?"

"We cannot do it without drawing unnecessary attention. The crowd offers you the best cover."

Something an assassin like him knew better than anyone else and although I had the feeling that we were on display if we stayed here, I trusted him and his experience. If the soldier had any suspicion against us, we should be able to eliminate them by doing what we had already done at the gate: Playing the innocent couple. We were basically innocent, although the definition of this word in this situation was lying in the eye of the beholder. Even though I could hardly control my trembling hand, I followed Ratonhnhaké:ton's example and regarded the goods on the stand. We slowly moved along the street, stopped occasionally at some stands and watched the street artists for quite a while. I tried to forget the reason for this relaxed stroll. It wasn't easy but that I didn't need to act like I gladly sought Ratonhnhaké:ton's closeness was giving me at least a small feeling of safety. I tried to copy his calm attitude. Having my arm linked with his, I let him lead me through the street and past its little attractions. Not only once we turned around to the soldier until we eventually sat down on a bench and Ratonhnhaké:ton put his arm around my shoulder to pull me closer.

"Do you see him?", he murmured into my hair and I let my gaze roam inconspicuously over the people around us until I actually found the soldier. He was leaning against a wall and looked straight at us. I gulped and buried my face in the crook of Ratonhnhaké:ton's neck.

"He's still there. Either he has some weird penchant and always follows couples or he is waiting for a chance to arrest you." Although the thought of it was creepy, I was hoping for the first. Why hadn't he acted yet if he had a suspicion against Ratonhnhaké:ton? We had come past many of his comrades who he could have asked for help.

"No matter what it is", Ratonhnhaké:ton murmured. "I am starting to have enough." He pulled away from me and just wanted to stand up as I grabbed his wrist and stopped him.

"What are you doing? I thought you wanted to keep your head down."

"Risking that he finally comes to the conclusion that I am the one they are looking for? If this happens, you are also in danger."

My gaze flitted to the soldier who hadn't moved from the spot and I bit my bottom lip. Why was this guy so damn persistent? He had neither been confused by our constant turns nor our relaxed stroll but it still didn't convince me of Ratonhnhaké:ton's plan.

Searching for something that could get me another idea, my gaze stopped upon two elder ladies who occasionally looked at us, wrinkling their noses and obviously talking about us. While we had spoken, Ratonhnhaké:ton had put his arm around me again so that it looked like we were talking intimately to each other and I had moved a bit closer to him, too. Obviously the ladies found this closeness inappropriate. According to their looks you could think that I was sitting on Ratonhnhaké:ton's lap, exchanging caresses publicly. If we would actually do it, I could understand their anger but...I paused in my thoughts. This could be the solution.

"What is it?"

I turned my eyes back to Ratonhnhaké:ton who was frowning about my sudden change of mood. I leaned a bit forward and buried my face in the crook of his neck again to hide it from the people around us. I wasn't sure if my idea was really good. But I didn't come up with anything else that could stop Ratonhnhaké:ton from drawing attention to himself.

"Kiss me", I whispered and snuggled up to him. "And then we will go into this alley over there. There is nobody else." I lightly nodded into the direction I was talking about and raised my head to look at Ratonhnhaké:ton. His frown had deepened.

"Lillian, much as I would like to but we have no time for...this."

I would have liked to roll my eyes. Obviously he hadn't understood my words the way I had hoped he would. What did he think of me? That I had spontaneously gone up in blazing passion like a powder barrel that had come to close to the flames?

"That's not what I mean", I whispered. "Well...not entirely."

Ratonhnhaké:ton wanted to say something, but I sealed his lips with a quick kiss. "He is following us the whole time and we can't shake him off. But maybe we can...scare him away. Apart from the fact that both sides are behaving very inappropriately: What becomes of a highly respected soldiers if he's watching the secret rendezvous of a couple? He couldn't even interrupt us without embarrassing himself."

Ratonhnhaké:ton pressed his lips together and lowered his eyes to my hands which were still holding his. "I know what you are aiming at", he began quietly. "But I will not bring shame on you in public."

"You don't have to and you won't." I smirked and kiss him tenderly. I really appreciated that he always wanted to protect me from any harm. To exchange more than short touches or even kisses in public was something we both rarely liked to do. I didn't know his exact reasons, but mine were based on my strict upbringing. My plan meant that I had to break out of this comfort zone but it was worth it.

"We only have to pretend that we're...you know. He has to believe that he is bringing himself right into an embarrassing situation. He will have to go and even if he is a pervert and keeps watching us, you will have at least an acceptable reason to...knock him out."

Ratonhnhaké:ton still didn't seem to be convinced of my plan but without saying another word, he pulled me closer for a moment and kissed me, as if he had to make sure that I was really serious and finally pulled me to my feet with him. Arm in arm we walked to the small alley I had mentioned before. It was about six feet wide, without any lanterns and probably this was the reason why it was deserted. It was one of those alleys where you would normally find the shady characters who seemed to be banished from the city. Thinking of these people, I shortly feared that our plan could make us become one of them and that the soldier was going to have a real reason to arrest us instead of leaving. So I hesitated as Ratonhnhaké:ton had pressed me against one of the walls and asked quietly against my lips: "Are you sure? He is not here yet."

I nodded. Did we have another choice? Furthermore I didn't need to force myself to wrap my arms around Ratonhnhaké:ton's neck and let him kiss me. He caressed my lips very softly and deepened the kiss only slowly. He was still hesitating, so I drew him closer and snuggled up to him.

"It should look real", I whispered.

"I just do not like this", he murmured. "I would like to be alone and undisturbed with you."

"I know. Me too." Gently I ran my hand over the back of his neck, pushed the annoying hat off his head and buried my hand in his hair, also to cover the traitorous braid. At the same time, Ratonhnhaké:ton had finally abandoned his hesitation and let the kiss become more passionate. One hand pressed against the wall beside my head, the other one lying on my hip until I grabbed it and led it to the buttons of my jacket. I felt him hesitating again but he finally began to open it and let his hand disappear underneath the fabric, only to keep it resting on my waist. His lips brushed softly down my neck and back to my cheek until they lightly tugged at my earlobe.

"He is here", he whispered to me and I shivered with the thought of the soldier until Ratonhnhaké:ton kissed me again. I only tried to concentrate on it and the gentle touch of his hand on my waist. The warmth that radiated from Ratonhnhaké:ton's body and how it felt to be pulled in closer and closer. Although I hadn't aimed on it, I felt the familiar prickling spreading through my body, although we had only wanted to pretend something. My grip in his black hair tightened and I lightly nibbled at Ratonhnhaké:ton's bottom lip and elicited a quiet growl from him. He put his lips on my neck again, firmer than before and I didn't need to force out the sigh that escaped my lips. I leaned my head against the wall behind me and glanced to the end of the alley through half lidded eyes. The soldier was really standing there but it seemed like my guess was confirmed. He appeared to be unsure, stepping from one foot onto another and throwing glances from side to side. It seemed like he didn't know what to think about what was happening in front of his own eyes.

My own gasp made me stop watching as Ratonhnhaké:ton's hand gently grasped my breast. Not visible for the soldier, but much more noticeable for me. My eyes closed and I bit my bottom lip to suppress a quiet moan when Ratonhnhaké:ton's fingers followed the shape of my breast. In this moment, I totally forgot where we were and what we actually intended with all of this. It seemed like he had forgotten it, too. Ratonhnhaké:ton had brushed the bonnet off my head, had buried his hand in my hair and gently tilted my head backwards so that he could reach the bare skin of my neck. He placed little kisses, eventually nibbled at the softer spots and was deeply concentrated on these caresses. It cost me all my concentration to open my eyes again and look for the soldier. He wasn't there anymore.

"It worked", I whispered and lightly tugged at Ratonhnhaké:ton's braid. He parted his lips from my neck and looked into the direction we had come from, then to the other while I couldn't take my eyes off of him. His hair was tousled by my grip, his lips were shimmering and red from our kisses and his eyes were dark when he looked at me again. A faint smile flitted across my face as I realized that we both must look totally dishevelled. We hadn't needed to play anything and deep inside I even wished I could pull Ratonhnhaké:ton back to me and forget once more that this wasn't the best place for such intimacy and I didn't mean the alley alone. Ratonhnhaké:ton's hand returned to my waist , the other one was still buried in my hair and he tenderly ran his fingertips through my dark strands.

"I am sorry if I have gone too far. I just...could not stop myself." He gave a forced smile and actually looked embarrassed. But I shook my head.

"You did not go too far." I leaned forward and kissed him softly. "But we should use the chance and get away from here."

Ratonhnhaké:ton nodded and grabbed my hand after we had tidied ourselves up. When we left the alley, we couldn't see a soldier anywhere and continued our way to the tavern "The White Mill" where Logan was already waiting for us.

"Are you alright?", he asked and for a moment I feared he could find out about our "diversionary tactic" by only looking at us. Against my will, the blood rushed into my cheeks as Ratonhnhaké:ton shook his head and said calmly: "A soldier followed us but eventually gave up."

Logan nodded. "Good. I was worried because it took you so long. I thought they stopped you."

My cheeks got even redder but luckily Logan didn't pay attention to it. He nodded again and indicated to us that we should follow him into the tavern. Inside were only four guests and the innkeeper. The chubby man with the greyish hair had turned to the shelf and was polishing the glass bottles in it. When he heard the door, he turned around and once again I thought I couldn't trust my own eyes. There behind the counter was no one else but Oliver, who was smiling at first but then became serious. Maybe it was good that I wasn't able to greet him because he only looked at Logan and nodded. He didn't even recognize Ratonhnhaké:ton and me but I shouldn't be surprised by now. But still it was hard to turn my eyes away from him as we walked past him to a door on the other side of the room. He was a good friend, like everyone else of the homestead and I wished I could talk to him and Corrine since I had asked myself what had become of our friends when I had seen the abandoned Davenport. I wanted to ask them how their lives had been although I was a stranger to them.

"Does...the innkeeper belong to the rebellion?", I asked Logan. He nodded.

"Olli and his wife are responsible for getting us from one place to another safely." And with these words, he pushed a heavy looking chest aside. A hidden door was underneath it.

"An entrance to the underground tunnels?"

Logan gave Ratonhnhaké:ton a surprised look. "You know about them?"

"More or less."

"Well, I hope that it's less, regarding to everything else. Washington's men have no idea or they just forgot about them. Some years ago they put much time and effort into sealing the entrances and destroyed parts of the system. But they weren't very thorough and created a hideout for us. There are two more beside this entrance and they are well hidden."

"So you're walking through a visited tavern to disappear in a backroom and never come out again?", I asked sceptically. Seemed very conspicuous to me, but Logan grinned.

"We always have men here who...take care that no one causes problems. Olli makes good business with us, if you know what I mean." He led his hand to his lips as if it was a beer mug. Yes, I was quite sure that I had understood.

"Conspicuously inconspicuous", I smirked and Logan shrugged his shoulders, still grinning.

"Sometimes it's the easiest and best way. May I ask you..." He grabbed the iron ring that was locking the door, pulled at it and opened it. A narrow ladder was leading into the darkness of Boston's underground. Logan was the first to climb through the hole in the ground and when I followed him, he had already ignited an oil lamp which was illuminating a narrow, bricked corridor. After Ratonhnhaké:ton had climbed down and had closed the door, the lamp was the only light source and I felt more than captured down here. I couldn't say that I had good memories about being underground in some corridors and hideouts. So my steps were rather hesitant when I followed Logan. The air down here was musty, moist and not only the coldness made me shiver. In the flickering light of the lamp, our shadows were looking like some creatures and once in a while, I believed to see something in front or beside us and it always turned out to be gaps in the walls or old stuff. From time to time we had to avoid or climb over the latter.

 _Stop being such a coward_ , I thought. _It's better to be down here than over ground with the real monsters._

I had hardly finished this thought when several, tiny shadows crossed our path. Squeaking, scurrying, definitely alive and no imagination. I couldn't stop a high pitched scream from leaving my lips, leaped backwards and almost fell because behind me, Ratonhnhaké:ton hadn't expected this sudden stop and I tripped against him. Only his fast reaction and his arms that caught me, prevented in time that I made acquaintance with the ground that was covered in tiny pellets. The causers of this dirt had already fled into the next dark corner and were only noticeable by their squeaking.

"They were only rats, Lillian", Ratonhnhaké:ton explained what I had already realized.

"Yes...rats. I know. They just surprised me." I cleared my throat and loosened my clawing grip from Ratonhnhaké:ton's supporting arm as I straightened up. "Are...they gone now?" I tried to glance into the darkness.

"Well, there are many of them down here. They like this place."

I screwed up my face. Oh, great. That wasn't what I had wanted to hear. I hated rats. These disgusting tails, the dirty fur, the pitter-patter of their tiny feet, these scurrying movements and the squeaking...

"You do not have to be afraid of them", Ratonhnhaké:ton explained calmly but I could clearly hear the smirk in his voice. Bastard.

I had blushed already and was glad that Logan was standing some feet away with the lamp. I was embarrassed by my short moment of panic. There were certainly other reasons to be afraid than the rats.

"I just find them disgusting", I grumbled.

"But if you get lost down here, you should follow them. They always know the way out", Logan said, also audibly amused. That was exactly what I needed. Two men making fun of me. Angrily I pressed my lips together and Ratonhnhaké:ton, who knew exactly how much I hated being teased in a situation that was already unpleasant for me, became serious again.

"I am sure we will be out of here soon." I could hear that he really wanted to reassure me with these words and I was incredibly grateful.

"It's fine." I took a step aside, pushed Ratonhnhaké:ton in front of me and stayed close behind him as I nudged him forward. "Just go ahead." Again I was grateful that he didn't say anything about it. We walked on and Logan was lucky that he also didn't say a word about our stop.

We stayed in this semi-darkness for several more minutes in which I heard rats more often than I liked it. Eventually I didn't care about creepy shadows on the walls anymore. I was incredibly relieved when a greater blaze of light appeared in front of us which turned out to be some kind of archway with a well illuminated room behind it. I could already hear the muffled sound of several voices from the distance and as we entered the room, I could see the men they belonged to. I didn't know if I should still wonder about anything. Down here were about twenty men, coming from different parts of the society and professions. I recognized the faces of some of our companions from our journey here, but more striking were the soldiers in red uniforms. At first I thought I was mistaken because it seemed so surreal that they were really Redcoats. My fellow countrymen. British who had actually fought some of the men here some years ago. But maybe their presence was explained by the enemy they shared now. I didn't know what the rebellion was planning as soon as they had defeated Washington, but it was logical reason for the British soldiers to fight the wrong king. Probably they hoped to bring the crown back to their own. Whatever reason they had, although I was wondering about their presence at first, I soon had only eyes for the man who had leaned over a map before turning to us. It was Samuel Adams. Obviously he had chosen the side of rebellion again and again he seemed to be one of the leading forces behind it. When he approached us, his smile was as open as always but concerned.

"You found you're way to us. But where is Kanen'tó:kon?"

"I'm sure he is still busy with smuggling himself past the guards. He should be here soon."

Adams nodded about Logan's answer and then looked at me and Ratonhnhaké:ton. "You were already announced to me but especially about you, I have heard a lot." He stretched out his hand to Ratonhnhaké:ton and as he took it, Adams gave me a greeting nod which I returned. "My name is Samuel Adams. I have already learned your names." He smiled and made a wide gesture towards the room. "This is more or less our hideout in the city. You are welcome to feel as safe as possible here." You could tell by his voice that he didn't believe in this safety himself, but still I thanked him politely. The rebellion had already done so much for us. If Kanen'tó:kon and the others hadn't been there...well we certainly wouldn't stand here now. Adams accepted my gratitude with a smile and pointed at Ratonhnhaké:ton.

"We should thank you. Thanks to you, the people remembered that we're here. It's not always good but since your actions in the village and the fort are getting around, some men found their way to us. We're still in a weak position and our rebellion is close to failure but your existence is bringing new strength to us."

Ratonhnhaké:ton folded his hands and started kneading them. As always when he was feeling uncomfortable and needed to give vent to this feeling. His expression had hardened for a moment but his voice sounded calm but determined when he said: "I did not do anything. Nothing men like you wouldn't have done, too. I do not want to appear better than I am. I could have died in the fort if the others had not come."

Adams nodded slowly. "I understand you completely. But your attitude doesn't change anything about the reputation you own and I want to be honest: This reputation is useful to us. Furthermore I have heard that you are a good fighter."

"I am doing my best", Ratonhnhaké:ton replied and Adams nodded again.

"And this is what we need. Men who are doing their best." His gaze flitted to me. "And women, of course."

A force smile appeared on my lips as I raised my hand in a defensive manner. I really wanted to stay out of everything. "I can only stand aside decoratively and pray that everything goes well."

Adams smirked. "The latter is worth a lot. A man should be grateful for having a supportive woman by his side." 

Unfortunately it didn't make a difference if the enemies were coming from the front. But I didn't say anything. I had wrecked my brains about this often enough. It would never satisfy me that I was passive but that was how things were. As much as I hated it sometimes, I was glad that Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't mind. Also this time, he had thrown a short glance at me with Adams' words, expressing his silent agreement.

Adams returned to the map he had studied before. As Ratonhnhaké:ton and Logan joined him, I did the same and threw a curious glance at the piece of paper. It was a simple map of Boston. An exact record of every street, block and the harbour. But it was provided with diverse marks and notes and I couldn't read all of them. I read something about powder warehouses, soldier quarters, hidden entrances and known routes of patrols. Some of these notes were underlined and highlighted.

"I don't know how much the others have told you about our Situation here in Boston", Adams started. "The city is administered by Benjamin Franklin. He is practically the voice and hand of Washington here and he is way too serious with this task. We often tried to limit his power but we are about thirty men against a multiple number of blue coats. Targeted attacks are impossible and until now, more subtle methods weren't successful either. We are going to give up the city and go to New York to meet the rest of the rebellion and gather our forces for the hopefully final strike against Washington."

"Hopefully?"

Adams smiled faintly about Ratonhnhaké:ton's sceptical question. "Well, as you probably know, we are no huge army. As I mentioned before, we are close to our downfall but we don't want to accept it without fighting. We have only this one try in New York left. Then everything will be over. No matter what." Now he looked almost apologetically. "I am sorry if you had more faith in us."

Did we have any faith at all? That the rebellion was going to defeat Washington of course, but only because we needed to get the Apple of Eden. Actually this was the only thing we really cared about. As soon as we had the Apple, we were going to leave this reality anyway and then it didn't matter if Washington was king or not. But certainly the one reason went in hand with the other. After all, we couldn't invite Washington to tea and pastries and ask politely for his symbol of power.

"But you are certainly planning something, don't you?", I guessed carefully. "Otherwise you would have left Boston already." My gaze had moved to the map and the many notes. They had to have a purpose at least and I wasn't wrong, because Adams nodded.

"Some of our comrades were arrested by Franklin. We want to free them and eliminate Franklin if it's possible. Like the loss of Benedict Arnold, Franklin's death will mean that another hand of Washington is chopped off."

"And where do we find Franklin?" I could hear that Ratonhnhaké:ton had already decided to be an active part in this plan. After all, he was the one who had taken Washington's first hand from him. Certainly he thought it was his duty to take care of the second, too.

"This is the problem", Arnold just said. "You can't get directly to Franklin. He's too well guarded. But we found a way to distract the soldiers from our intention to free our comrades." He pointed at a spot on the map whose note had several underlines. "Here is one of the most important warehouses in the city. Powder and ammunition is stored in there. If we destroy it and..." His index finger moved to three other marks on the map. "...these warehouses, we will startle the soldiers and give them a lot to do. We will use the chaos to get to our comrades."

"And Franklin?"

Adams shrugged his shoulders. "We will see it then."


	68. Chapter 68

_**AN: I think January 11 is still a good date to wish you all a Happy New Year! :) I hope you had a great time with your loved ones and apologize for taking so long with this update. Time before christmas is always very busy and I just enjoyed having two weeks of doing nothing at all. But still a huge thank you for all your support. I always enjoy reading your reviews and knowing that you enjoy reading my story as well. I feel very honoured since I am very aware of the mistakes I probably do because I don't know it better. To know that the story is readable and enjoyable anyway makes me really happy. So thank you.**_

 _ **Also thank you to**_ _MidnightPenguin **for your recent reviews on both stories. I just wanted to answer your question about a possible nickname for Lillian. I often thought about it because I like the thought of Connor having a name in his language for her. But I never found one I really liked and the name he used for her once in Freedom practically has the same meaning like her actual name, so I somehow doesn't want to use it...also because it's very long and complicated. Maybe I will find one in the future, although I am not sure if it would be strange when he suddenly has a nickname for her after having none for years. But we will see and find out. :)**_

* * *

 **Coming to rest**

The men had soon begun to think of a detailed plan about how to free the other rebels and eliminate Benjamin Franklin on the way. When the assembly was finally breaking up after an apparently endless long time, some of the men left the room and I assumed that they were going to leave the underground as well. Something I wished to do, too but Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't seem like he wanted to go yet and so I remained silent while Samuel Adams rolled the map up and Logan talked quietly with the remaining men. Soon they left, too and we were the only four people left. I asked myself what Ratonhnhaké:ton was waiting for because he still made no move to set off, too. But the reason dawned me soon enough and I was angry with myself because I hadn't wasted a thought on it.

"And Kanen'tó:kon wanted to come here?", Ratonhnhaké:ton asked Adams and Lester as they joined us.

"That was the agreement."

Adams pulled a pocket watch out of his jacket with Logan's words and looked at it frowning. "Normally it shouldn't take him this long."

Concerned I looked at Ratonhnhaké:ton who had pressed his lips together, grinding his jaws. His gaze was turned to the two entrances of this room. "We should go and search for him", he said. "He could be in trouble. He did not need to distract the guards but still he could have been arrested."

"This was a risk he was aware of", Logan replied calmly and earned an angry look.

"I do not care if he was aware of it or not", Ratonhnhaké:ton growled. "He risked it for me and so I will not accept that he probably..."

The door of the entrance opposite to the one we had used, interrupted him and we all turned our gazes into this direction. A quiet sigh escaped my lips and I shortly closed my eyes. Relieved. The proverbial devil hadn't been far. An entirely unharmed Kanen'tó:kon came in and threw a short glance into the room while approaching us. "Has everyone left already?"

Only silence was the answer at first. Then Logan uttered a loud laugh and Kanen'tó:kon winced as the strong man patted his shoulder. "You took your time, my friend. We were almost arranging a search party." He glanced at Ratonhnhaké:ton who still appeared tensed but I could read relief in his eyes. Luckily his concern had been for nothing. It was needless to imagine what it would have meant for him if something had happened to his friend while protecting Ratonhnhaké:ton.

"Avoiding the guards was not as easy as I thought", Kanen'tó:kon simply said with a light smile which finally brushed Ratonhnhaké:ton and me. "But luckily you had no further problems and I did not have to intervene."

 _Intervene?_ My eyes widened for a moment and promptly I believed my entire blood had gathered in my head. Had he followed us to make sure that we didn't get into trouble? The whole time? Embarrassed I lowered my eyes and I was glad that Kanen'tó:kon didn't say anything more. Maybe I was wrong and he had seen less than I thought.

"Thank you for taking the risk on yourself", Ratonhnhaké:ton said and didn't seem to have the same concerns like I. He had shortly put a hand on his friend's shoulder who only shook his head.

"As I said: It was on me to pay back your help in the past. Furthermore I am sure that we are going to need each other's support in the future."

"And you will have enough chances for that." Logan had shortly stolen Adams' watch from his hand to have a look at it. "We will sit together in the tavern tonight and then we can bring you up to date with our plans. We've been on the road for days and I think we all need that."

"I agree." Adams had taken back his watch with a slightly irritated expression and put it back into his pocket. "Probably Corrine has already prepared the rooms and I guess rested minds are better prepared for what is coming."

The two Mohawks didn't seem to be convinced, but they nodded. I, for my part, was already looking forward to a moment of peace where I could escape from all of this. And I was looking forward to the promised bath.

I was relieved to leave the underground room and return to the trap door. As I climbed up and was finally surrounded by daylight that shone through the small window, I caught myself in taking a deep breath, as if I was standing outside on a field of flowers, enjoying the fresh air. I really didn't care that the air in this room was actually quite stale. Not being underground was pleasant enough. As we entered the dining area, it was much livelier than it had been before. I recognized some rebels but normal citizens had found their way here, too. I would have never believed it, but it actually seemed like no one was paying attention to five people leaving the storage out of nowhere. Everyone was occupied with themselves, their dialogue partner or their drinks. But they were no harm to us.

"Corrine? Are our rooms ready?"

I turned my eyes to the counter as Logan had stepped there and I was happy to see Corrine, who huffed about Logan's question. "You, boys, are too impatient. Always wanting everything at once", she complained and put her hands on her hips. "I already told the others to take care of their beds on their own. You are staying here so often that you can do it on your own for once. I took care of your guests' room. It was more important to me." With these words, her eyes had flitted to Ratonhnhaké:ton and me and she gave us a warm smile which I knew too well and which I returned likewise warmly. I was so glad to see her.

"I guess you are the poor girl who has to travel with these monsters?", she asked me and at first I didn't know how to react. Not because of the "monsters" but because it was strange to be in the position of introducing each other although I could still remember the many chats we had had during our work in the inn over the last couple of years. The help I had received from her while being totally inexperienced in having an own household and the help I still received today. Without Corrine, I would have reached the edge of despair too often.

"They are not so bad", I finally managed to answer and made her smirk and Logan chuckle.

"At least she noticed it."

"Logan, you are the worst of all."

"But I still worry the most, my dear Corrine." Logan grinned and pointed shortly at me. "Lillian here bruised her back two days ago. I already gave her some herbs for a hot bath. Is it possible that she can have one?"

"Sure." Corrine gave me a concern gaze. "I will take care of it right now."

"I will help you." It was matter of course to offer my help, but Corrine looked almost shocked as she shook her head.

"Oh no, my dear. I will do it. You are a guest and so I will gladly care for you." She gave me another warm smile and I had the scary feeling to remember the day of our first meeting, when she had said almost the same in almost the same situation. But she at least allowed Ratonhnhaké:ton to carry the buckets of hot water upstairs. He also disliked the thought of being served by our friend. So I was somehow relieved when Corrine finally left us alone in our room and I closed the door behind her.

"It's so terribly weird", I said quietly and leaned my back against the door. "The whole time I want to chat with her as we normally would but she thinks I'm only a guest and not a friend." My head sank against the wood behind me as I sighed deeply. "But I'm glad that she and Oliver are fine."

Ratonhnhaké:ton had put his tomahawk and my little knife, which Kanen'tó:kon had kept for us, onto the commode and stepped to me to put his hands on my hips. His eyes radiated an incredible calmness and a small smile lay on his lips as he stroked a strand of hair behind my ear that had slipped out of the bonnet. "I think this is the most important thing about it. There is no need to worry about it. Believe me, it only makes it harder to understand."

"I think you could be right." I forced a smile and looked to the bathtub where faint steam was filling the room with the scent of the herbs I had added to the water. I was looking forward to this bath as much as I was awaiting to sleep in a bed again. Maybe it could help us giving up the worrying.

"I think a bath is waiting for us", I smirked and as he turned his head to the side to follow my gaze, I grabbed the tricorn on his head and took it off. The hat caused a thud when I aimed past Ratonhnhaké:ton and at the chair beside the washstand, missed and it hit the closed window instead. Ratonhnhaké:ton raised an eyebrow and I shrugged my shoulders grinning as he looked at me. "If it was open, someone would be happy about a new hat."

"Can I at least keep the rest of my clothes and put them onto the chair?"

"As long as you take them off at all." I bit my bottom lip after my cheeky words which had come out without a second thought. They sounded more pushy and awkward than intended. "To have a bath", I added and saw an amused sparkle in Ratonhnhaké:ton's eyes.

"Should I expect something else?"

"I just wanted to be sure." I smirked and my gaze followed my hands which slid up his arms until they reached the back of his neck and stayed there. "You extended our distraction after all."

"I did what?" Ratonhnhaké:ton chuckled and cocked his head. "You wanted me to unbutton your jacket. I just wanted to kiss you."

"I wanted it to look real."

"Was it not?"

Again my bottom lip made acquaintance with my teeth when our gazes intertwined. The memory of Ratonhnhaké:ton's touches and kisses in the alley flowed through me and aroused this warm, prickling feeling that I could only feel for him and which I didn't want to miss. The times in which I had to suppress it because I didn't know what he was feeling or because I was afraid of it were long gong and I was incredibly happy about it. Nobody here knew on first sight that we were a couple, married even, but it made no difference. So I had chosen the wrong words. Nothing in the alley had needed to appear real.

"It was." I stretched myself and gave him a soft but short kiss because in the same movement, I pushed myself past Ratonhnhaké:ton with a smile and walked into the room. "But the bath is very real, too."

Still walking, I took of the bonnet and unlaced my bodice to put both onto chair by the washstand. My blouse followed and when I folded my skirt, Ratonhnhaké:ton's arm appeared next to me and he hung his shirt over the back of the chair. Smirking I glanced over my shoulder, pausing a moment when my gaze fell upon his right side. I turned around to him and gently laid a hand on this spot, as if I wanted to check if my eyes weren't fooling me. My fingers should be touching the rough tissue of the fist-sized scar which he had got long before we had met. But it was gone and even when I walked around him to look at his back, there was nothing else but smooth, even skin. No scars which normally reminded me of the days when I had feared to lose him, although he had been nothing more than a friend.

"They are gone", I murmured and ran my hands over Ratonhnhaké:ton's shoulder blades.

"I know", Ratonhnhaké:ton said quietly, his head turned to the side so that he could look at me somehow. "I already noticed. Whatever happens or did not happen here seems to have an effect on us."

I nodded slowly. I should have known since I had noticed my grown hair while waking up here. I had rarely cut it in the past because I had liked its length. But after I had needed to take care of my own household it had become annoying. But this had no meaning here.

I sighed and caressed Ratonhnhaké:ton's back for a last time. Should I be glad that he hadn't suffered the pain which had been caused by the injuries whose traces I was now searching for nothing? A question I couldn't answer.

"As long as you are fine." I pressed a kiss onto his right shoulder blade before pulling away from him to keep slipping out of my clothes and put them tidily aside. I felt Ratonhnhaké:ton's gaze on me but I was glad that he didn't say anything. We were both confused by what was happening although I got the feeling that it was easier for him to get along with it. He seemed to understand and accept it. Could adapt himself to it easier than I, who used to question everything and rack her brains. Maybe the different cultures we were coming from were a reason for that.

While I was lost in my thoughts, I had slowly taken off my shoes and stockings and had put them aside. Ratonhnhaké:ton had already got rid of his clothes and slowly climbed into the bathtub where the rising steam had finally filled the room with its warmth and scent. But still I was freezing in my shift and just wanted to climb into the warm water, too. But again it was me who stopped myself from it. I had just slipped out of the shift when my thoughts returned to my recent discovery and succumbed to the urge to have a scrutinizing look into the small mirror on the washstand. Both times when I had got changed, I had never paid attention to it but now I saw right away, that Ratonhnhaké:ton was right with his theory about the effect the events here had on us. The injuries he had never endured for example. But I didn't notice only the missing scar over my navel. The reminder of my almost final death from a bullet wound. If you normally looked into the mirror, you may notice the changes of your appearance, but it was a slow process. Right now it felt like my reflection was literally screaming at me what had changed about me. Now I saw narrow hips, a slim waist and a flat, flawless belly. I had always been rather delicate than womanly curved but always pleased with it. When I had got pregnant and also after giving birth, I had been a bit irritated because this shape was gone. Actually I had never got rid of the remaining pregnancy weight. My hips were still narrow but better upholstered and a small belly had stayed, too. Not speaking of the fine, white lines and little bumps on my lower belly which were somehow scars as well and always reminded me of what my body had done to bring a little wonder like Emily into our world.

From one moment to another, time had been turned back but when looking at myself now, I didn't know if I should have mourned after this body shape. I still liked it, but I would have preferred to get it back and still have my baby with me. Emily had been worth every pound. Now she wasn't here and my reflection had made this thought become visible. It felt like it was sneering at me. I had never looked at myself with such disfavour. I shivered. Maybe because of my thoughts but also because I really started to freeze. I looked at Ratonhnhaké:ton who was sitting in the bathtub with his back turned at me and running a sponge over his arms. He always appeared to be so calm and looking at him could make me forget that we were not at home.

 _Stop it!_ , I thought and gave myself another grim look through the mirror. _Stop thinking. Stop whining. Do what you have said yourself: Stick to your memories and don't think about what is different. THIS is not real._

I was pleased with myself as I nodded at myself and finally turned away from the mirror. It was better to concentrate on the here and now, wasn't it? To stop thinking. To come to rest and to mobilize all strengths. I stepped to the bathtub and when Ratonhnhaké:ton had made room for me, I sank into the warm water facing him and giving a quiet sigh. The steam and the scent of the herbs surrounded me, made me close my eyes and enjoy the warmth that flowed through my body, relaxed my maltreated muscles and washed away the dark thoughts. It needed some effort to open my eyes and turn to my body care. After we had washed ourselves, Ratonhnhaké:ton reached out his hand for me and with a pleased smile, I stood up to turn around and sink against his chest with my back. The bruises weren't bothering me. I had hardly felt any pain today that had been more than a faint ache. Right now I felt freed from everything. Calmer. Lighter. Happier. Leaning my head against his shoulder, I just enjoyed being held by Ratonhnhaké:ton's arms. He had wrapped them around my chest, his hands crossed over my hip where his fingertips were drawing short lines. It was wonderful. Just sitting here, relaxing, forgetting everything around us and enjoying the presence of the man I loved. It was almost unreal when I thought of the last twenty-four hours, no, the last few days. It hadn't been a week even. Four days? Five?

 _Why does it matter? You're doing it again._

I couldn't stop myself from uttering an indignant huff which understandably confused Ratonhnhaké:ton. He abruptly stopped his caresses on my belly. "Is something wrong?" He sat up a bit to look at me. "Is it your back? Did I hurt you?" The concern in his voice was so honest that I instantly got a bad conscience. I shook my head and stretched my right arm to ran my fingertips over Ratonhnhaké:ton's cheek. His eyes were full of concern, too. He really seemed believe that my sudden and short discontent had been his fault.

"You did nothing wrong", I tried to reassure him. "It was me. I...just can't turn off my head. I am thinking too much. About the situation here and about...Emily..." I paused and bit my bottom lip. No. I couldn't bring this up and pull him into my sadness. He had enough to worry about. "I am sorry", I murmured. "We should come to rest. I am ruining everything."

"You do not need to apologize." He gently kissed my temple and bedded his chin on my shoulder. I could feel the light vibration of his chest on my back as he said in a quiet voice: "We will get through this together. You are not alone and if you feel the need to talk about your thoughts, I will listen."

I nodded lightly and was glad that he didn't ask me to tell him everything I was thinking about. My thoughts were like a bottomless pit. Were running in circles, messed up, restless and I wouldn't be able to utter them without making them sound senseless. But I could sum them up pretty well: I wanted to go home, to Emily but this wasn't new to Ratonhnhaké:ton. We shared this wish.

"Could you just hold me for the moment?", I asked quietly and turned my head so that the tip of my nose nudged softly against his. His chest vibrated again, this time as he hummed confirmatively and tightened the grip of his arms.

Silently we stayed in the bathtub until the water had cooled down. I actually managed to finally turn off my head and only concentrate on what I felt right now. The warm, scented water on my skin, joining the warmth of Ratonhnhaké:ton's body on my back. The whole time my head leant against his shoulder, I felt his cheek on my temple and his hands which were gently running over my arms, belly and waist. His caresses were almost hypnotic and slumberous and I was really close to falling asleep. My eyes kept falling shut and when I finally couldn't hold back a yawn, Ratonhnhaké:ton made me standing up and stepping out of the tub. We towelled ourselves, wrapped ourselves into the towels, went to bed and Ratonhnhaké:ton spread the blanket over us. Although it was still midday, my eyes closed as soon as my head touched the pillow. Shrouded by the warmth and scent of our bodies and with Ratonhnhaké:ton beside me, who was holding me in his arms once more, I quickly fell asleep and finally found the peace and rest I needed to face whatever was ahead of us.

* * *

When I woke up, the sun had already set behind the roofs of Boston. With my face turned to the window, I could see the red line on the sky that had remained from its light. The room itself was almost dark and when I turned to the other side and to Ratonhnhaké:ton, I could hardly see his features. But still I saw that he was awake. His eyes, shining like amber in the remaining light of the evening, were turned at me. A warm prickle ran through my body, from my head down to the tips of my toes and I smiled as I moved closer to him and was pulled into his arms.

"Don't you want to be downstairs when the others meet?", I asked while pushing my arm under my head and laying my hand on the warm skin of his chest. Logan had said that they wanted to meet downstairs tonight to tell Kanen'tó:kon about the last meeting. I didn't know exactly, if we had to come, too. Right now I preferred staying in bed and enjoying the peace and quiet, here in our little room. But especially because it was also about Kanen'tó:kon, I already guessed Ratonhnhaké:ton's answer. I wasn't wrong because he nodded.

"I want to hear what Kanen'tó:kon is thinking about our plans. He is the one I trust most."

"And he knows the men better than we do. Except of Adams."

He nodded again and his gaze slid down to my hand whose fingertips were drawing small circles on his chest. His lips curled into a hardly noticeable smile and I sighed quietly when I felt them on mine. He breathed several little kisses onto them, putting a hand gently under my chin from where it ran over my cheek and into my hair.

"You can stay here and have some rest", he murmured but I shook my head.

"I don't want to be alone and apart from that, I am hungry like a bear."

I felt him smiling again before sealing my lips with his. For some, wonderful minutes, it felt like we had never talked about getting up and going downstairs. We stayed in bed, without saying a word, arm in arm, sharing kisses from time to time and enjoying our little cave under the blanket. I felt like being set back into the alley, where I had been able to forget everything around us and I enjoyed this feeling. The feeling that Ratonhnhaké:ton was my island in this chaos. It was hard to leave this safe heaven, to get up and get dressed but when we left the room together and went downstairs, I still felt good and safe. The few hours of resting had helped me gathering the strength I needed.

The inn was expectably full of people at this point in time. I only saw a few single chairs at occupied tables and the seats at the bar weren't free either. But I immediately noticed that most of the visitors were rebels. I followed Ratonhnhaké:ton past the tables until we reached the one where only one chair was free but where we found Kanen'tó:kon and Logan. The latter raised his mug to us. His cheeks red, his eyes shining and visibly drunk.

"There you are!", he called out before we even reached the table. "Did you recover from the journey?"

The young boy next to him, who I had already noticed in the camp, giggled. Obviously he was drunk, too. He was slurring as he raised his voice and said: "Therefore she doesn't look thoroughly taken."

Actually my jaw should have dropped. Instead I stared at him with wide eyes and didn't know how to react on this insolence. But Logan knew. The slap he gave the back of the boy's head was audible, even between all the voices and the music and the eyes of the tall man were looking threatening.

"Luke, Jesus. Didn't your mother teach you some manners? Let yourself grow some hairs on your sack and become a man before talking big. Understood?" He grabbed the boy's arm and pushed him up. "Clear your seat and get a chair so that these two can sit down. Go!"

Luke murmured something incomprehensible but actually left to do what he had been told to. I stared after him, still speechless and my gaze flitted to Ratonhnhaké:ton, who was standing with his back to me but looked after the boy with a frown so that I could see his profile.

"You have to apologize", Logan started. "Unfortunately the boy chose the wrong men among us for company. Maybe I should have stopped him from drinking."

"This is no excuse." It was Kanen'tó:kon who held an own mug between his hands, but appeared much more sober than the others at the table. "He has to apologize to Lillian and Ratonhnhaké:ton."

"Of course he will. But wait until he's sober. Nothing reasonable will get out of this mouth today." Logan gave the boy a grim gaze when he returned, his shoulders down and a chair in his hands. "Now bring it here and go fetch some fresh air", Logan told him and he left without any objections.

Rather unwillingly I followed Ratonhnhaké:ton to the seats that had been freed for us. My cheeks were glowing, although I didn't want to pay further attention to the boy's boldness. But still I thought the others at the table were staring at me and a look at Ratonhnhaké:ton told me that he was anything but pleased with the start of this evening. His eyes had followed the initiator of the remaining, awkward silence and I shortly feared that he could make him apologize. But soon Ratonhnhaké:ton concentrated on Kanen'tó:kon, as if he had come to the conclusion that a drunk adolescent, who couldn't think straight because of his age, wasn't worth the trouble.

"Do you know about the plans?", he asked simply, almost reserved and with that, another tactical conversation started. I could hardly follow it because I suddenly felt uncomfortable among all these men. I just sat silently on my seat, staring at my folded hands in my lap or into the room until a hand was laid onto my arm and I looked at Ratonhnhaké:ton, who had slightly leaned to me to drown out the volume around us.

"I am sorry for letting you wait here. Shall I get you something to eat and drink?"

My gaze flitted to the others at the table, to Kanen'tó:kon and Logan, who were looking at me, too. It seemed like Ratonhnhaké:ton had interrupted the conversation because of me and I blushed again.

"No, it's fine", I said quickly. "You wanted to hold this conversation and I won't stop you. I will go myself. Do you want something?"

Ratonhnhaké:ton shook his head and let his hand slide to mine to grab and squeeze it shortly. I instantly felt calm again and smiled, almost gratefully, before standing up and head to the bar. I used the opportunity to take a deep breath and inwardly shake my head about myself. I was too touchy lately. Everything, no matter how small, unsettled me and actually I should have laughed about the boy's infantile comment. Logan was right saying that he wasn't a man, an adult. Probably he didn't know the true meaning of love between a man and a woman. That it wasn't only about the physical part. Even if Ratonhnhaké:ton and I had used the chance to revive and enjoy the passion we had shared in the alley, it would have happened because we had thought the time and the place was right and not because we had lain beside each other practically naked.

 _That was certainly not the only chance,_ I thought and smirked about this thought.

"Well, someone's looking happy."

I winced as I heard this voice beside me and looked straight into Corinne's smiling face while the blood was rushing into my cheeks once more.

"Er...Excuse me?", I stammered and Corinne's smile became knowing.

"Well, my Dear, your eyes shine, you're smiling to yourself. You seem to be happy." She patted my arm. "But you don't need to blush. I was also newly married once. I know who's in your mind." She laughed this quiet, hearty laugh which made you smile as well. It had always been like that with her and instead of objecting, I just lowered my eyes. Basically she had caught me.

"Well, tell me my Dear: Can I bring you something? Something to eat, maybe?"

I nodded, grateful for this change of topic. "That would be great. I could eat for two."

Her eyes widened for a moment and - to my confusion - she appeared to be happy as she smiled widely and patted my arm again. "Sure. You'll get an extra portion. You need to gain some weight or it won't be good for the two of you."

I blinked in confusion because I didn't understand what she was talking about. But when it slowly sank in, she had already left towards the kitchen and every kinds of protest or correction were impossible.

"Great", I murmured and leaned against the counter to wait for her return. I stood at its edge, at some distance from the other guests here. Therefore I had a good view over the rest of the inn and the table, where Logan just stood up and said in a loud voice, that he was going to look after Luke before heading for the door. Ratonhnhaké:ton seemed to be talking only to Kanen'tó:kon who was sitting opposite to him. I was more than sure that they spoke in their mother tongue. It was as if you could tell it by his looks when Ratonhnhaké:ton was speaking it. He seemed to be more relaxed, completely in his element and probably this was the reason why I liked hearing him change to his mother-tongue, even when he was talking to me. I loved it. It revealed himself and also now when I was watching him, I had to smile. Even when someone could think I was drunk in love. Was it a shame?

Still shaking my head about myself but smiling, I turned to the bar. While waiting for Corinne's return, I occupied myself with following the texture of the wood with my fingertips and stood there for a while without raising my eyes. So I didn't notice a man approaching and stopping beside me. His hand was the first part of him to appear in my field of vision as he put it onto the counter before leaning beside me, his back turned towards the rest of the room so that I could only see him when I raised my eyes and froze. He was a soldier. A bluecoat and I recognized him. He had let Logan and me into the town when I had played the mad cousin and I could read in his eyes that he recognized me, too.

"And so we meet again", he growled. "You seem to be much more...in order, Miss. Are you still in the company of your cousin?"

I didn't know how to react. Should I pretend to be the madwoman again? I didn't believe that this was going to work this time. So I just stared at him like a rabbit facing a wolf. I really felt like it. Helpless I tried to look past him and to Ratonhnhaké:ton, but he blocked my sight while looking me over. This gaze I knew as well. He had looked at me like this after he had called Logan and me back. He had looked me over like this before asking me to take a bath. How ironic that I had done it but I didn't feel like laughing. Especially not when he started talking again.

"I know you", he said slowly. "You already looked familiar when I saw you at the gate, but I didn't get it. But now that you have changed...it's not an elegant dress but I am certain you are the niece of the man who tried to flee instead of paying his debts. In the village the savage attacked. That was you! I know you!"

His voice had become louder with every sentence while the rest of the room had become noticeably silent. I wanted to say something, deny his guess but it was Ratonhnhaké:ton who did it for me.


	69. Chapter 69

**_Revealed_**

 **Ratonhnhaké:ton**

Ratonhnhaké:ton had talked with Kanen'tó:kon about his thoughts about the rebels' plans when the bluecoat came in. He had seen him immediately because he had never really turned his eyes away from the door. So he also noticed that the soldier had left three of his comrades outside. For back up? However, Ratonhnhaké:ton wasn't the only one who had noticed the bluecoat's entry. The rebels shared warning glances over the whole room and Ratonhnhaké:ton got one through the eyes of his friend.

 _»Stay calm«,_ Kanen'tó:kon murmured. _»It is not unusual for them to inspect some of the taverns. If he does not find anything, he will go«_

Frowning Ratonhnhaké:ton watched the rebels turning back to their drinks. He wanted to trust them. That they knew what they were doing, but he couldn't follow their example. At first, the soldier had slowly walked through the room and now headed for the bar where Lillian was standing alone. It seemed like she hadn't noticed the soldier's entrance because she was entirely concentrated on running her finger over the wooden surface of the counter. Tensely Ratonhnhaké:ton pressed his lips together.

 _Look up,_ he thought without turning his eyes away from Lillian, as if he could transmit his thoughts to her. _Look up and come here._

But for Lillian it was already too late for an inconspicuous retreat. The soldier had reached the bar and leaned right next to Lillian, facing her. His broad back blocked Ratonhnhaké:ton's view to her and now he really couldn't stay on his seat. He didn't like that Lillian was alone with this man. Not only because he feared he could harass her, but just because he was a bluecoat. Someone who would arrest Ratonhnhaké:ton and almost every other man in this room if he got the chance. But when Ratonhnhaké:ton stood up to go to them, not only Kanen'tó:kon gave him a warning look.

 _»What are you doing?«_

Ratonhnhaké:ton nodded at the bar behind Kanen'tó:kon's back. When he turned around and saw the bluecoat with Lillian, he frowned. _»There should be nothing he could hold against her. I am sure that even if he gets importunate, someone there will intervene«_

 _»Even if he gets importunate, it should not be anyone but me to intervene«,_ Ratonhnhaké:ton replied and left. He knew why Kanen'tó:kon was concerned since his face was decorating several houses and walls in the city. If the soldier recognized him, it would cause the problems every man in this room who belonged to the rebellion wanted to avoid. Especially Kanen'tó:kon, but Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't want to stay on his seat and allow that Lillian, in the best case, had to listen to some importunities. He knew too well that she was able to defend herself verbally but he found that it was his duty to make sure that she didn't have to. But it seemed like the soldier hadn't intentions of this kind.

While Ratonhnhaké:ton approached them, he heard the man's voice becoming louder. "...certain you are the niece of the man who tried to flee instead of paying his debts. In the village the savage attacked. It was you! I know you!"

It became noticeably silent in the room and all eyes turned to the soldier, who just wanted to grab Lillian's arm when Ratonhnhaké:ton reached them. He grabbed the other man's shoulder and pushed him back so that he could stand between him and Lillian, who was standing there pale, silent and with wide eyes.

"What is this about?", Ratonhnhaké:ton asked coldly bus as calm as possible. He didn't want this situation to escalate although he felt that it wasn't possible anymore.

"Step aside, Sir", the soldier hissed and he obviously disliked the fact that Ratonhnhaké:ton was almost a head taller than him. "This woman is arrested for treason."

Treason? Ratonhnhaké:ton huffed. "This accusation is ridiculous. She did nothing wrong."

"She resisted a direct order of the king and fled from her lawful penalty." Now he appeared smug. "This means the maximum penalty."

"None of your penalties are lawful!" Lillian had ended her initial rigidity and had taken a step forward, only to be carefully pushed back by Ratonhnhaké:ton. But it didn't stop her from speaking out her understandable but dangerous anger. "You kill randomly! Men, women, even children! You should be punished!"

"Watch your tongue, woman!" The soldier's eyes narrowed and in the face of all the people around him – rebels and inhabitants – whose silence could be an approval of Lillian's words, his behaviour had become more restless and hectic. She had undermined his doubtful authority and obviously forced him to act. He made a move to grab Lillian's arm, but Ratonhnhaké:ton was faster. He grabbed him by the wrist and twisted his arm behind his back in one swift movement and turned the man with his face to the room without giving him the chance to defend himself.

"Be careful what you do", Ratonhnhaké:ton growled threateningly. "Do not dare to raise your hand against her."

"You will be punished, too", the soldier uttered between clenched teeth and tried to escape the Mohawk's strong grip. "You're attacking a man of the crown. You..."

Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't learn what else he was doing. A loud bang cut through the silence in the room, when the door of the inn opened and soldiers stormed inside. Not only the three he had already seen in front of the door. They were more. About ten if he wasn't wrong and they had pulled out their weapons.

"There he is!", one of them called out and pointed at Ratonhnhaké:ton with his rapier. "Arrest him!"

Ratonhnhaké:ton felt the solider tensing up in his grip and he heard him murmuring: "Idiot. I should have noticed."

"You were concentrated on the wrong person", Ratonhnhaké:ton growled and pushed the man to his two comrades, who were approaching them with raised weapons. Determined to arrest the wanted criminal. But wherever they had come from all of the sudden, they hadn't expected to storm into a wasps' nest. They had hardly prepared for the arrest, when the rebels rose from their seats and pulled out their weapons. Shouts and screams sounded as the innocent inhabitants realized that they were in danger. They stood up, too and wanted to run to the door but the soldiers there misjudged the situation in their blind obedience to Washington. The fearful voices became louder when a man, who wanted to escape with his wife, was killed by a soldier with a thrust of his blade.

"Block the exits! No one gets out!", the soldier in charge shouted and immediately, all weapons were trained at everyone who came closer to the door. Ratonhnhaké:ton stared at the body of the killed man and then at the woman, who had started to cry hysterically while shrinking back from the soldiers. This sight made him feel anger and hatred. But not only him. Shouting loudly, the rebels attacked. He saw Kanen'tó:kon leaping over a table with his tomahawk in his hand and attacking. Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't hesitate. He gave Lillian a light but unmistakable push towards Corinne and Oliver, who had fled behind the bar.

"Take cover", he told them shortly and had to avoid the blade of a soldier who had reached him through all this chaos.

He carried only his pistol and the hunting knife with him. His tomahawk was in their room on the commode. He hadn't wanted to draw unneeded attention but now, Ratonhnhaké:ton would have needed it. He didn't want to use his pistol in a closed room. The risk that the bullet missed its target, hit a comrade or - in the worst case - became a ricochet and hurt someone innocent was too big. So he had only his fists, his knife and his surroundings. The soldier, whose attack he had avoided, laughed as he trained his rapier at the Mohawk again and saw him raising his fists.

"Say goodbye to your hands, bastard", the bluecoat growled and attacked. But Ratonhnhaké:ton had expected it. Quickly he grabbed an empty chair to block the attack. The blade got stuck in the splintering wood of the seat and was torn out of its carrier's hand as Ratonhnhaké:ton threw the chair aside. While the soldier was surprised by the loss of his weapon, Ratonhnhaké:ton crossed the short distance to him, grabbed his arm, tore him downwards and rammed his knee into the now bend chest of the man. He groaned and found himself unconscious in a broken table where Ratonhnhaké:ton had thrown him into. The Mohawk wasted no more time. While the rebels and soldiers were fighting each other and filled the air with their screams, shouts and the clinging of weapons, he pulled out his hunting knife. The handle tightly in his fist, Ratonhnhaké:ton jumped over a fallen chair and stood right next to Kanen'tó:kon, who had just killed a soldier with his tomahawk. Both parties stood practically in front of each other, while the rebels tried to protect the innocent town-people from the blind and careless anger of the soldiers with pushing them into the back of the inn. A chaotic and dangerous situation on such a small space. Ratonhnhaké:ton had to jump over another chair as a soldier attacked him before he could raise his own weapon and block him. His arm shook under the hit's power of the bigger weapon and the metal scrunched loudly as the blades met each other. Ratonhnhaké:ton took a step towards his opponent, pushed his blade aside with all his might, punched him into the face and thrust the knife into the bluecoat's chest as he stumbled backwards. From the corners of his eyes, Ratonhnhaké:ton saw two other soldiers attacking him. He had nothing left but to roll over a table beside him, before the deadly metal of the men's weapons bored into the wood. Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't hesitate, gave the table a powerful kick and made it hit the soldiers who gasped in surprise as the edge hit their stomachs. Ratonhnhaké:ton grabbed one of them by the back of his neck, thrust his head down against the table, felt bones breaking by the force of the impact while slicing the belly of the other man open.

Ratonhnhaké:ton took a moment to let his eyes roam over the room. All innocent had already gathered in the corner behind the bar and their fearful voices kept drowning out the sounds of the fight. Only four soldiers were still alive, but some of the rebels had been killed as well and only a few of them were experienced fighters. At least not experienced enough to fight against trained soldiers. But they fought with determination. Especially Kanen'tó:kon, who was anything but inexperienced, landed one deadly hit after another. He just split a bluecoat's head open and leaped towards the next enemy. The remaining soldiers had come closer to the counter as if they wanted to force the rebels into surrender by hurting even more people. Kanen'tó:kon got into an open fight and Ratonhnhaké:ton stormed to the counter to drive the bluecoats back. He wound his way between the lying and standing furniture and kicked the soldier next to him into the back of his knees so that he fell to the ground screaming. He had been too concentrated on Kanen'tó:kon and paid this mistake with his life. Ratonhnhaké:ton whirled around to turn to the remaining bluecoat. He had finally run to the counter and Ratonhnhaké:ton saw him reaching out for a woman near to him. Ratonhnhaké:ton headed to him, but he had only made one step when he heard a loud thud and the soldier stumbled aside. A heavy wooden mug had hit his temple, thrown with surprising precision by Lillian, who stood only two steps away. Ratonhnhaké:ton used the bluecoat's distraction to grab him, push him to the floor, tear his head backwards at his hair and run the blade of the hunting knife through his throat. And then everything was over.

After the noise of the fight, the spreading silent was eerie and only interrupted by occasional whimpers. The violent conflict that had ended as quickly as it had begun, had left behind pure chaos. Parts of broken furniture were lying in the blood of the bodies on the floor, sometimes even lying on top of each other. Rebels, soldiers and innocent town-people who had wanted nothing else but to end the day in comfort and with a good Ale. But this evening had ended in a catastrophe. A massacre. Ratonhnhaké:ton lowered his eyes to the hunting-knife in his hand, covered in sticky blood like his hands and clothes and he lightly shook his head by the sight of it. This bloodshed had been unnecessary but still inevitable. The soldiers wouldn't have given up and they had proved it by killing innocents.

 _»Are you fine?«_ Kanen'tó:kon had stepped beside Ratonhnhaké:ton and put a hand on his shoulder. He was also marked by the fight, like the tomahawk he had put back to his belt. But the blood on his clothes didn't seem to be his.

 _»I am not injured«,_ Ratonhnhaké:ton replied simply and turned to the counter, where the men and women were still regarding the bloody chaos around them in shock. Corrine, Oliver and Lillian were with them, looking likewise upset. But he was glad that they were unharmed. The remaining rebels gathered by the counter and it was noticeable that no one of them knew how to handle this situation. Despite their will to fight, they were hardly experienced enough and they were obviously in need for someone to guide them.

"Where is Sam Adams?", Ratonhnhaké:ton asked. Adams seemed to be the obvious person to ask for. But everyone around him just shrugged their shoulders.

"He was not here tonight", Kanen'tó:kon explained. "He always spends his evenings with his maps and plans. Probably he is somewhere..."His eyes moved to the town-people who slowly ended their stiffness and hurried to the exit. No one stopped them but still they could cause more problems.

"He is certainly somewhere underground", Kanen'tó:kon finished his sentence. "And maybe it is better for us to retreat, too. I fear that more bluecoats could be on their way."

Ratonhnhaké:ton nodded and let his gaze roam through the room. There was nothing they could do here. The wounded rebels were already supported by their comrades. And the bluecoats...

Ratonhnhaké:ton frowned as he noticed a movement, only a few steps away from him. Again he pulled out his knife and slowly stepped to the broken table he had thrown his first attacker into. He was still alive and just woke up from his unconsciousness. Before he could react, Ratonhnhaké:ton had grabbed him by his collar and pushed him against the wall of the nearby staircase.

"Damn it, let me go, bastard", the bluecoat hissed and tried to free himself from Ratonhnhaké:ton's relentless grip, still a bit dazed.

"Brave words of a dead man", Kanen'tó:kon growled. He had stepped beside his friend and angrily pulled out his hunting knife.

"Not yet", Ratonhnhaké:ton said calmly and pushed the head of the bluecoat firmer against the wall. "At first I want to know how you knew that you could find me here. This was not a coincidence."

The soldier huffed scornfully. "I won't tell you anything."

He had already expected this answer. Ratonhnhaké:ton put his knife away, turned the soldier around and kept pushing his head against the wall with one hand while grabbing the soldier's arm with the other to tear it back- and finally upwards. The shoulder cracked loudly as it broke out of the joint. The soldier screamed in pain but Ratonhnhaké:ton kept his arm in this position.

"You do not have to tell us anything, but it could be better for you."

The soldier only growled in response but when Ratonhnhaké:ton pushed his arm further up, he whimpered and stammered: "F...Fine. I...We got a hint."

"From whom?"

"He...I don't know. He came out of the tavern and told us to check it. Was quite drunk, I must say. Weren't sure if he was telling the truth."

"Did he tell you his name?"

"No, but our captain knew him. He was..."

The bang of a shot interrupted the soldier in midsentence and Ratonhnhaké:ton stumbled backwards as warm blood and tissue sprayed into his face. Only when he had run his hand over his eyes, he saw the soldier lying dead on the floor. He had been shot in the head and his murderer just shut the door behind himself.

"It was the boy", Logan swore without paying attention to the weapons that were trained at him. He had put his pistol away again and held his left shoulder with his right hand. The fabric of his shirt was soaked with blood which still trickled through his fingers. "When I wanted to check on him, he was with these bastards and had a chat with them. When they noticed me, these assholes attacked me while Luke ran off. Got away from them somehow, but the little rat is gone."

"Luke?" Kanen'tó:kon frowned. "Are you sure?"

"I can trust my eyes. I don't want to know what has gotten into him. Not the alcohol alone, that's for sure." Logan screwed up his face into a pained grimace and nodded at the dead soldier. "You shouldn't waste more time. I'm sure they're already on their way here."

"You should have left this decision to us instead of killing him", Ratonhnhaké:ton growled and ran his sleeve over his face. He totally disliked Logan's interruption and still the other man gave him a mocking look. "Did you want to let him live? There was nothing he could have told you."

Angrily Ratonhnhaké:ton pressed his lips together and followed Logan with his eyes as he walked towards the counter. He didn't care if there had been something the soldier could have told him. He'd had the control over the situation and it had been in his responsibility to end it. But for now he swallowed his anger as Kanen'tó:kon gave him a calming gaze and said: _»Unfortunately he is right«_

And he was right, too. With a last look at the soldier, Ratonhnhaké:ton stepped to the counter where Logan just pointed at the storage-door. "We should go underground and seal the entrance if it's possible. It should give us enough time to finally get away from here. Corrine and Olli, you better come with us."

Silent agreement from everyone in the room, because there were no alternatives to this plan anyway. But while the others headed for the hidden trapdoor one after another, Ratonhnhaké:ton ran upstairs and into the room he had shared with Lillian. There he took his tomahawk and fastened it to his belt. He couldn't leave it here. His gaze fell upon his reflection in the mirror of the washstand. His face was stained with blood. Some stains still wet, others already dried. There were some pieces of human tissue in his hair, too and suddenly he asked himself, how someone would call him if they saw him like this. Traitor of the crown and butcher of men? Ratonhnhaké:ton couldn't say that this image bothered him. Regarding the enemies he had to face, they could think of him whatever they wanted and fear him. But there were still people who shouldn't be afraid of him and so he took the moment to quickly wash his face and hands. There was no time for doing anything more before he left the room again and hurried downstairs.

Most of the rebels had already climbed through the hidden door. Logan just climbed down as Ratonhnhaké:ton entered the storage and locked the door behind himself. Only Kanen'tó:kon and Lillian were left. The latter had crossed her arms in front of her chest and tapped her foot onto the floor. She was still pale and suddenly Ratonhnhaké:ton regretted that she had watched this whole scene. Certainly it wasn't the first time that she was confronted by such bloodshed but to him, every time was one time too many.

"How are you?", he asked quietly and gently laid a hand onto her lower back as he stood beside her. Lillian reacted with a faint smile, raised her eyes and looked at him.

"I am fine. You don't need to worry." It almost sounded as if she guessed what he was thinking. Maybe she did. By now, she knew him as well as he knew her.

"Are you hurt?"

Ratonhnhaké:ton shook his head whereupon she gave a sigh of relief and whispered a praise to her god.

"I am fine. You do not need to worry", he deliberately repeated her words and felt relieved when Lillian's smile widened. An unmistakable sign that she was going to be alright after all.

"That's good to hear", she said, but her eyes became serious. "I don't know if we were lucky or not."

"It was unavoidable. It had nothing to do with luck or misfortune. As long as we were able to fight them back."

"But at what cost?"

Ratonhnhaké:ton frowned as he looked down at Lillian who had lowered her eyes again and wordlessly pulled away from him, as Kanen'tó:kon gave her the silent signal that it was her turn to climb down. He already had an answer to her question on the tip of his tongue. They were at war. It was undeniable. At war, every price that must be paid was too high. This was the nature of war, he had learned it many years ago. So every war needed to be ended before it could claim more victims.

He waited beside Kanen'tó:kon until Lillian's head had disappeared in the darkness before he followed her. Only Logan had stayed, his wounded shoulder somehow bandaged with a scarf.

"Use these beams to barricade it", he told them after Kanen'tó:kon had climbed down, too and had closed the door. The Mohawks followed his order and barricaded the entrance as good as they could before the four of them headed into the darkness, extinguishing every lantern on their way. No one had said it yet, but it was out of the question that they couldn't use the underground anymore, now that they had to give up another entrance. So everyone in the small room was nervous. Sam Adams and a man with a hood were among them. It was the man Lillian had often spoken to. Ezra, if Ratonhnhaké:ton remembered it right. Both had already been told about the events in the tavern and Adams ran his hand through his hair swearing, as they entered. He raised his eyes and Ratonhnhaké:ton believed to read relief in them, as Adams beckoned them over. It was relief.

"How fortunate that you are well", he said, as they stepped to him and he saw how the wounded Logan went to the other injured men, who were treated by two of their comrades.

"This is a catastrophe", Adams murmured and turned his eyes back to them. "Every man we lost today was a man we needed to get the others out of the prison. Except of you, we only have seven trained men left and we have already been far too few before."

"You mean, you want to give up our plans?"

Adams sighed deeply after Kanen'tó:kon's question and looked through the room. He seemed to be conflicted and Ratonhnhaké:ton thought he understood him. He felt responsible for all the men down here as well as for all the innocent men and women they wanted to free from Washington. But they were as far away from this aim as they could be.

"It's too risky", Adams finally said. "Now that the bluecoats are aware of us, it will be impossible to get into the prison. It will also be difficult to leave the city and I fear that's our priority right now. We need to get to New York to support our comrades there. We will need every man to get to the harbour."

"To the harbour?", Ratonhnhaké:ton asked confused. Until now, no one had told him how the rebels planned to leave the city. He had thought the escape would be on horseback, but obviously it wouldn't.

"The ship of an allied captain lies at anchor there. According to the bluecoats, it isn't his ship anymore. It's confiscated."

"And we have to steal it?"

Adams nodded. "That' why I wanted to strengthen our lines with the men in the prison. But we have to try it without them."

"And what about Franklin? I thought we wanted to eliminate him before leaving the city." Kanen'tó:kon had tensely propped up his hands on the table and gave Adams a stern look. "I understand that we cannot safe the others but we have to do this at least. The others in New York rely on it."

"We cannot get to him with these few men", Adams replied. "The bluecoats need to be occupied but we won't be able to make sure of it."

"Maybe we will." Ratonhnhaké:ton had listened silently to the conversation and had straightened up now while looking through the room. Unfortunately, Adams was right. After everything he had seen tonight in the tavern, only the minority of these men was able to fight strategically. They had proved themselves but to get to Franklin, they needed more than just strength and sharp steel. But a whole troop of men wasn't needed. Only two men were enough. Men with a certain experience. Experience in hunting.

"Kanen'tó:kon and I will take care of Franklin while you secure the ship. The bluecoats will be occupied, one way or another, but I think it is only important that we eliminate Franklin and flee from Boston." He looked at Kanen'tó:kon who nodded determined. Adams still appeared sceptical but finally agreed, too. The rebellion hadn't many chances left to realize their intentions in Boston.


	70. Chapter 70

**Benjamin Franklin**

The weathered hinges of the gate creaked quietly as Kanen'tó:kon pulled it shut behind them. After the sun had set, the moon was now hiding behind a thick wall of clouds and the only light came from a lamp which the men had taken from the gate before and ignited it now. Its flickering light casted distorted shadows onto the walls as Ratonhnhaké:ton crossed the barn and approached Ori:te', who was still tied beside the other horses. Relaxed her head hung down, as well as her ears and bottom lip while she slept and certainly enjoyed this first dry and reasonable warm place to sleep in days. She had to stay here and Ratonhnhaké:ton hoped that they were going to take good care of her. She had turned out to be a real gift, although the way they had got her had been anything but conventional. Brushing the grey croup of the mare with his hand, Ratonhnhaké:ton kneeled into the straw beside her where he still found her saddle and the few luggage Lillian and he possessed. On top of it lay his bow and quiver, which he put aside for now to take the folded pile of clothes. His clothes. After the events in the tavern, a disguise had become unnecessary. Hiding had become unnecessary. They were going to leave Boston but at first, Ratonhnhaké:ton and Kanen'tó:kon would take care of Benjamin Franklin, the town's keeper and Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't want to hide who he was. Everyone should know and in the end, his clothes granted more freedom of movement than the clothes Lillian had bought for him. He would need it.

While he peeled off the blood-soaked clothes which had gotten stuck on his skin, Kanen'tó:kon leaned against the gate and stared into the void, his arms crossed. Nobody said a word and Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't expect a conversation anyway. They had talked about everything and he was already focused on what lied ahead. But when he had just got changed and arranged his weapons, Kanen'tó:kon cleared his throat and made Ratonhnhaké:ton raise his head. His friend had pulled away from the gate but his arms were still crossed while he stared at the ground. Ratonhnhaké:ton saw that Kanen'tó:kon seemed to think about his next words but after a short moment, he already raised his eyes.

 _»_ _I want to tell you something before we go out there_ _«_ _,_ he started. _»_ _How ever this matter ends and whatever is going to happen: I am your friend and I stand by you_ _«_

This short speech was surprising. All his positive and negative memories of Kanen'tó:kon, who had kept this promise all these years ago, returned all of the sudden. But they had never made him doubt the loyalty of his best friend and they didn't now. He remembered Lillian's words. That their friendship would never end and he remembered how easy it had been during the last two days, to stick to these old and positive memories. With this in mind, Ratonhnhaké:ton nodded.

 _»_ _I know. I will stand by you as well. We will not fight alone_ _«_

He brought the bow in a comfortable position on his back, stepped to Kanen'tó:kon and wanted to put a hand on his shoulder, to show him that they could leave, as he shook his head. _»_ _I am not talking about this alone. As much as I stand by your side, I want you to know that I will do the same for Lillian. You have my word that I will do anything to protect her if it becomes necessary. Now, but also when all of this is over and we return to our village_ _«_

Again Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't know what to say. Not because of his promise but because he knew that there would be no time when Kanen'tó:kon could keep it after all of this was over. When Lillian and Ratonhnhaké:ton used the Apple to return to their reality, Kanen'tó:kon would be dead and there was no way back to the village. But still he appreciated the promise. He had just left Lillian with men he either didn't know or who he didn't trust to be able to protect her. If he'd had the choice, he would have laid her safety into Kanen'tó:kon's hands. With no doubt.

 _»_ _Thank you, Kanen'tó:kon_ _«_

His friend nodded and pointed at the gate with a weak smile. » _Shall we?_ _«_

Under the cloud of the night they returned to the city where the events in the tavern had got around. The guards were more alerted than before and so the two Mohawks had to keep an eye on each other and on their environment as they approached a dark part of the wall and climbed over it. Ratonhnhaké:ton was the first who climbed the rough stone, peeked over the edge and finally heaved himself up and dropped on the other side almost soundlessly. His back pressed against the wall, to use the shadow as cover as long as possible, he waited for Kanen'tó:kon to do the same.

 _»_ _Do you think you can make it over the roofs?_ _«_ , he asked when his friend landed beside him with a quiet huff.

 _»Of course«,_ Kanen'tó:kon uttered while he obviously tried to keep his breath under control, his hands propped up on his knees. He had never been the best climber and still Ratonhnhaké:ton knew that he wasn't talking big. Kanen'tó:kon had more skill than any of the rebels or soldiers. He needed only a short moment before he straightened up and they moved on. They were still on the outskirts of the city, where the houses were all dark in this late hour and where was no one outside. At least no townspeople. Ratonhnhaké:ton had already heard the heavy steps and quiet voices before the three soldiers stepped out of an alley and forced the two Mohawk to flee to one of the houses and hide behind a wooden fence, which separated the property from the street and the house nearby. Tensed and with their hands on their weapons, they listened for the approaching soldiers until they finally passed by. Ratonhnhaké:ton had hardly been able to understand their murmured words but since they were moving away, he paid no further attention to them anyway. He wanted to turn his attention to the mission and this meant that they had to get to Benjamin Franklin as unnoticed as possible, kill him and find the fastest way to the harbour and to the others. They didn't want to alert the soldiers unnecessarily and this was probably the easiest part of the whole plan.

Ratonhnhaké:ton peeked over the fence with his eagle vision and gave Kanen'tó:kon a silent nod as he could see no more enemies nearby. They left their place to hide and followed quickly the main road which led towards the centre of the city. Again it was Ratonhnhaké:ton who used his run up, headed for a house and climbed it quickly but with precise movements. From window to window, from edge to edge. When his feet finally found enough grip on the smooth roof tiles, he turned to the edge and watched the street until Kanen'tó:kon had followed his lead and pulled himself up beside him, where Ratonhnhaké:ton offered him a helping hand. Then they moved on. Over the roofs of Boston, far from the streets where they saw patrols from time to time. Always heading for the heart of the city where Benjamin Franklin was living in a big townhouse. Only twice they met guards on the roofs but had eliminated them before they even realized what happened to them. The whole time, the two Mohawk didn't talk but only concentrated on not losing their balance on the uneven ground beneath their feet. One wrong step and a resulting fall would be their doom. As well as tiles which probably get loose, fell and gave the soldiers the idea to turn their attention above their heads. But their run continued without any incidents, until they kneeled on the edge of a roof like two raptors and looked down at a sparsely illuminated backyard. But still they could clearly see the men there. Six soldiers in blue uniforms, with shining steel blades on their belts and watchful eyes, turned at the nearby alleys and entrances. They almost created a circle around two other men, who were having a loud argument. One of them was a staid, quite small man with sparse brown hair and a pince-nez on his nose, like the one Ratonhnhaké:ton knew from Davenport's doctor Lyle White. Due to the fact that he knew the other man, this one could only be Benjamin Franklin. Said other man was General Israel Putnam. The loud, rude voice of the man Ratonhnhaké:ton knew only with a cigar in the corner of his mouth since their first meeting during the battle on Bunker Hill, sounded more than clearly to them. Although its slightly muffled sound indicated that Putnam was still indulging in his old vice, while he was holding a heated dispute with his person opposite.

"If you want to complain, you should talk to the king himself, Franklin. I'm just following orders."

"Of which you don't even have a transcript, let alone a reason." Franklin's voice almost cracked as he pointed threateningly at the much taller Putnam. "This is a farce and you know it, General Putnam!"

"Call it what you like", Putnam replied coldly and Ratonhnhaké:ton saw the glow of his cigar as he had a drag. "You didn't accomplish your tasks in Boston to the King's satisfaction and so you are discharged. You should be glad that the King is so generous our otherwise you would be punished for your mistakes."

"The men the Native escaped from were yours. They were under your command. It's not my fault that they weren't a match for their task."

"As far as I remember, I sent them to your disposal." Putnam laughed scornfully. "Obviously you didn't commit them wisely. But I have warned the king to put the safety of a whole city into the hands of a man without any military knowledge. You should finally accept it, Franklin. You failed. Maybe you should visit the King in New York and ask him for a new position. Maybe you will be allowed to count the taxes. I am going to correct your mistakes and smoke out the last of these rat's nests." Putnam laughed again and turned away from Franklin, who stood there like rooted to the spot and obviously didn't come up with a reply. He only watched General Putnam gathering his men and disappearing in one of the alleys. Now he was entirely alone. Ratonhnhaké:ton knew that this was the best chance to attack him and put his life to a quick end, but Kanen'tó:kon and he stayed on their position.

 _»We should have killed them both«,_ Kanen'tó:kon growled quietly, looking at the alley Putnam had disappeared in. _»It seems like Washington passed Franklin's responsibilities on to Putnam. This could make the situation in Boston even worse«_

 _»And Franklin obviously fell into disgrace«_ Attentively Ratonhnhaké:ton watched the old man scuffing to the small stairs to the backdoor of the house and sitting down. He didn't know Franklin but the way he sat there, he looked broken. His face buried in his hands, his shoulders slumped forward, his back stooping.

 _»Maybe we should not kill him now«,_ Ratonhnhaké:ton murmured and received a huff from Kanen'tó:kon.

 _»It does not matter what Washington is thinking of him. He has to pay for his crimes«_ Kanen'tó:kon swung his feet over the edge and climbed down. Ratonhnhaké:ton followed quickly. He didn't feel pity for Franklin but he thought they shouldn't rush anything. This was the reason why he grabbed Kanen'tó:kon by his shoulder, when they had the plastered ground of the backyard beneath their feet and his friend wanted to approach Franklin with his tomahawk in his hand. Franklin was still sitting on the stairs, not knowing who was coming closer to him. But as he raised his head and saw the two shadows a few steps away, he froze and leaped to his feet.

"No, no. You won't get me!", he shouted with panic in his voice and stumbled towards the nearest alley. He didn't come far. Ratonhnhaké:ton had taken his bow off his shoulder, had put an arrow on the string and shot. The tip bored into Franklin's shoulder and the impact made him stumble forward. With a muffled cry, he fell to the ground where he lay whimpering. In an instant, Kanen'tó:kon had taken his tomahawk and approached Franklin with wide steps, while he tried to crawl away in panic.

"You will not go anywhere", Kanen'tó:kon growled and grabbed the arrow with one hand to tear it out of the man's shoulder. Franklin screamed and found himself lying on the back in the next moment, the stone blade of a tomahawk on his throat.

"Please! Don't kill me. I...couldn't do anything. It was Washington", he begged and raised his hands in front of his face, as if he hoped to block the deadly blade like this. But Kanen'tó:kon struck out and swung the tomahawk down to Franklin's neck. A loud, for the ears painful scraping sounded when it hit cold steel. Then it was silent and as Franklin lowered his hands whimpering and looked up at the Mohawk over him, the warrior stared at the blade of the other tomahawk which was blocking his weapon and then into the face of its owner.

 _»Ratonhnhaké:ton, what are you doing? We are here to kill him«_ Kanen'tó:kon couldn't hide his anger about Ratonhnhaké:ton's intervention. His brows were furrowed, his lips pressed together and the hand that was holding the tomahawk, was shaking as if it awaited to step into action in every moment. But Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't react. His eyes were turned at Benjamin Franklin, who was still lying whimpering on the ground and looked at them through his fingers covering his eyes. He had never seen this man before, but something in his eyes, now that he had been close to die through Kanen'tó:kon's hands, seemed familiar. As well as his words.

"Tell us, why should we not kill you? Why not punish you for your doings?", he asked calmly and finally Franklin took his hands from his pale face.

"I know that my doings were wrong", he began with a begging undertone. "But I wasn't aware of it. I...couldn't control myself. It was...as if my mind wasn't under my control. I had no choice."

 _I had no choice._

Now Ratonhnhaké:ton knew what seemed so familiar. Benedict Arnold had said the same words before his death. After he had apologized for his crimes. He had talked about Washington and his sceptre but Ratonhnhaké:ton had never found out what he had meant. He had only speculated on the basis of the stories he had been told about the sceptre and Washington's power by his mother and Rodrick, the hunter. But he had thought the sceptre was just deadly, not able to control a person's mind. Could it be a coincidence that Arnold and Franklin were claiming that they hadn't been able to control themselves? Were they just randomly choosing the same excuses? Ratonhnhaké:ton doubted it. He still saw the dying Arnold in front of his inner eye. How honest he had appeared when he had apologized. Why should he have shown remorse when he was dying anyway? Franklin wasn't dying and still Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't think that he just wanted to call on their sympathy. Beside his fear, he appeared confused as his wide eyes looked back and forth between the two Mohawk.

"Please", he repeated his begging. "Don't kill me and let me prove that I've come to my senses. I can help you."

"How?"

Now Franklin's gaze was stuck on Ratonhnhaké:ton as he spoke. Hope flickered in his eyes. The hope that the other Mohawk could be his rescue. But it was still Kanen'tó:kon who was kneeling over him and uttered an angry huff.

"We have no time to listen to his excuses, Ratonhnhaké:ton", he growled. "The others need us at the harbour. We need to end this."

He had still his tomahawk in a firm grip, his knuckles turning white. He was still ready to end Franklin's life with one strike and raised his tomahawk again. Grimly he struck down as Franklin raised his hands and called: "If you want to flee, the harbour isn't safe!"

This time, Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't have to intervene to stop Kanen'tó:kon from killing Franklin. The stone blade halted abruptly over the man's bare neck and Kanen'tó:kon grabbed the collar of the grey coat to tear Franklin a bit upwards. Like Ratonhnhaké:ton, the man's words had alarmed him.

"What are you talking about?"

"About the frigates, a few miles away from the harbour. Each one of them has turned its canons at a part of the harbour and has the order to fire, if they get a signal from said part. They are supposed to stop enemies from escaping by sea and in the face of the latest events, they are prepared for it."

"They are supposed to fire at the harbour? Enough ships of Washington's own fleet are anchoring there."

"He's taking the risk." Franklin adjusted his glasses, which had almost slipped of his nose, with shaking hands and looked at Kanen'tó:kon. Suddenly it seemed like he had forgotten at least a bit of his fear, now that he obviously knew something his attackers were interested in. "He's fine with any method to stop his enemies from leaving the city."

And Washington had proven often enough that he didn't care about the lives of innocents.

"When will they light the signal?", Ratonhnhaké:ton asked tensely. His thoughts were already with the others, who had wanted to sneak on board of the ship in the cover of the darkness. They were expecting resistance on shore, but they didn't know about the threat of one or several frigates and it was much more dangerous.

"As soon as someone starts to prepare a ship without permission."

So if the others were discovered, they were in great danger and didn't know about it. Kanen'tó:kon's and Ratonhnhaké:ton's eyes met and they needed no words to agree that they had to get to the harbour as quickly as possible to warn the others and help them. But they hadn't decided about Franklin's fate yet. Ratonhnhaké:ton looked the man on the ground over and made a decision almost instantly.

"You will come with us. If you can help us, we will let you live", he said and grabbed past Kanen'tó:kon to roughly seize Franklin's arm and pull him onto his feet. He didn't care that it was the arm whose shoulder had been hit by the arrow. Franklin uttered a pained howl and whimper but had no other choice but to follow the Mohawk to the harbour.


	71. Chapter 71

**Escape from Boston**

With Benjamin Franklin following them, Ratonhnhaké:ton and Kanen'tó:kon needed to be more careful than on their way to his house. Luckily the old man made no attempt to cause problems. He followed them without contradiction, hid from passing guards with them when necessary and even gave them the hint for a safe route without any patrols. It seemed like Benjamin Franklin was actually ready to erase the faults of his past with helping his former enemies. But Ratonhnhaké:ton wasted no thought about it for the moment. He just wanted to get to the harbour as soon as possible and make sure that they had a safe escape to New York. When the first ship masts appeared in the darkness, he was extremely tensed. The others had agreed to go to the harbour in small groups and gather on the ship. Before Kanen'tó:kon and he had set off, three men had left the hideout to meet the captain of the ship and make the first preparations with him. Lillian was supposed to be in one of the last groups with Logan, Ezra and Sam Adams so that everything was prepared and she could get on board as soon as possible. Ratonhnhaké:ton had been sure that she would be less in danger like this but with the information about the frigates, it didn't matter if she was on board of a ship or onshore. As soon as the first canons were fired, everyone at and around the harbour was in imminent danger. He just hoped that she was fine for now. But at the harbour, everything was quiet. Only a few sailors were lingering at the docks but soldiers were there as well.

"Do you know where the ship is?", Ratonhnhaké:ton asked Kanen'tó:kon as they hid in the shadow of a warehouse and let their eyes roam over this part of the harbour.

"At the north end."

Ratonhnhaké:ton nodded. "Maybe this could be our advantage if we make it on board and set sail. If these frigates are guarding certain parts of the harbour, we will only have to deal with one at first."

"But we have to get on board before."

Ratonhnhaké:ton nodded again. If they drew no attention to themselves, they would probably be able to set sail before the frigates could prepare for the attack. Ratonhnhaké:ton looked past the warehouse and down the street through his eagle vision. He saw a patrol walking towards their destination with their backs turned to them. Another look into the opposite direction and Ratonhnhaké:ton gave Kanen'tó:kon and Franklin the silent signal to follow him. They hurried along the street, always staying in the shadows of the warehouses until Ratonhnhaké:ton detected two all familiar masts. The ship they were heading for was the Aquila and he felt joy, knowing that the ship was really intact and the question, how it had come here from the bay in Davenport, became unnecessary after another joyful discovery. At the pier, beside the plank leading onto the Aquila, stood no one else but Robert Faulkner. Ratonhnhaké:ton hadn't recognised him at first since he was wearing the uniform of a bluecoat like the two other men beside him, pretending to guard the pier while beckoning small groups of rebels over, who hurried onto the ship and hid there, as soon as the real guards had passed. Five men had just gone on board and Faulkner hastily indicated to Ratonhnhaké:ton, Kanen'tó:kon and Franklin, that they should hide beside a nearby warehouse with the remaining rebels. He looked nervously into the direction of the departing patrol while following them until they finally stood in front of each other in the darkness.

"Jesus, I'm not made for these secret missions", he growled and looked at each one of them until his gaze stopped upon Franklin. "Thought you wanted to kill him? What is he doing here?"

Benjamin Franklin uttered an indignant "Pah", puffed himself up and just wanted to start defending himself against Faulkner's obvious disapproval as Kanen'tó:kon silenced him with a simple gesture and began to explain.

"We are sure he can be a help. At least he already gave us very important information for our escape."

"Really? Which is?"

Kanen'tó:kon nodded at the open sea. "Frigates are waiting for an alarm signal from the harbour to shoot at it. If everything went well until now, we have to make sure that it stays this way. Otherwise, our escape will fail before it even begun."

Silence, in which Faulkner stared at Kanen'tó:kon in disbelief before swearing rudely. "I knew something was odd with these ships, but I thought they were just guarding the water. Shooting at the harbour is...insane. Are you sure?"

Ratonhnhaké:ton nodded. "We are sure. That is why we have to think about how to go on. How many men are on board already?"

Faulkner looked him over before nodding at the Aquila. "All of them, I would say. At least they told me that no one else but you are left. Only these seven men of my crew..." He pointed at the men beside them. "and the four who have to get on board."

"So a woman was here, too?" It didn't mean that Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't trust Faulkner's words, in the contrary. He just wanted to be sure that Lillian was actually on board and in less danger than she would be here on the pier. So he was relieved when Faulkner nodded.

"She and her companions were the first I sent on board and told her to go under deck. Just in case something goes wrong."

Ratonhnhaké:ton gratefully bowed his head. She was safer under deck when the Aquila was under attack. At least for the moment. So he could concentrate on sending the last men on board so that the Aquila could set sail. Without drawing too much attention.

"Is everything ready to raise the anchor?", Ratonhnhaké:ton asked, looking at the Aquila which appeared empty due to the darkness.

"Aye. But she's not ready to fire. We have cannonballs and powder onboard, but the canons aren't prepared. We wouldn't be able to defend ourselves if they attack us and the preparation will cost time and it will be conspicuous to clap on all sail alone."

Ratonhnhaké:ton had already thought the same. If everyone capable would give a hand, they could prepare the Aquila in no time but they also needed men to prepare the canons. They needed to gain more time to do both and Ratonhnhaké:ton already believed to know how to do this.

"What if you prepare the ship for battle first before setting sail?"

"It doesn't matter what we do first. Fact is that the soldiers will notice it. According to your information, they will give the signal and the nearest frigate will shoot at us."

"Not if we play for more time with some of the men." Kanen'tó:kon's gaze brushed Ratonhnhaké:ton who nodded slowly. Obviously his friend had come to the same conclusion. "You will go onboard, send us a few of our men and we will make sure that the soldiers will not give the signal. We will distract them while you prepare the ship for battle and then for setting sail. Is it possible?"

The already aged forehead of Faulkner wrinkled even more. His eyes were radiating the scepticism he seemed to have but he nodded. "Sure it is. But the question is how you want to gain so much time?"

"You have to work quickly", Ratonhnhaké:ton replied simply. "The crew shall get as much help from the rebels as possible. At first it will be enough, if the ship is ready to return fire. Even if it has only two canons ready: It will not be defenceless. If the signal is lit anyway, you set sail immediately."

Faulkner huffed. "You're funny, lad. Return fire with two canons? You don't know what you're talking about."

Ratonhnhaké:ton almost replied that he knew exactly what he was talking about, but he restrained himself. Instead, he nodded at the Aquila and said: "She looks like a ship that can make it possible."

Faulkner's look followed his and as Ratonhnhaké:ton had expected it, he saw the familiar pride in his beloved ship in the old sailor's eyes.

"We will do our best", he muttered and gave his men a signal, after checking the docks. With Benjamin Franklin by their side, they left the hideout and sneaked to the ship.

 _»_ _Do you really think, it is possible?_ _«,_ Kanen'tó:kon asked while they looked after the shadowy figures, hurrying up the plank and hiding on board of the Aquila.

 _»It has to«,_ was the simple answer. 

The two men remained in silence and Ratonhnhaké:ton's gaze roamed the docks. Close to the Aquila was only one active patrol of five soldiers. It could be easy to eliminate them if the other soldiers wouldn't be close already. He could clearly see their red auras through his eagle-vision. A fight wouldn't escape their notice.

 _»_ _Do you think we should take position close to the tower?_ _«,_ Kanen'tó:kon asked and nodded at a warehouse near the docks. It was a warehouse like any other but on its roof was a small tower, similar to a lighthouse. The only place where you could light a signal. They had to keep an eye on it but not the way Kanen'tó:kon suggested.

 _»The patrol is too close. They would notice. We have to watch them from here and react fast enough«_

Kanen'tó:kon nodded and turned his eyes back to the Aquila, where six men just left the ship over the plank. They were rebels. Under cover of the night and out of the soldiers' sight, they approached them and said no word as they waited for orders, visibly tensed. Ratonhnhaké:ton and Kanen'tó:kon shared a look. Kanen'tó:kon seemed to wait, too, trusting that Ratonhnhaké:ton knew what they had to do. He looked down the docks once more and finally turned to the men.

"Do you know what this is about?"

They all nodded.

"Good. We will split up. Some go to the warehouse over there." He pointed at said building. "The rest stays here. Provoking a fight is too risky. We will wait until the soldiers notice something and come here. Then we can surprise them, but always keep an eye on them. We have to stop them from lighting the signal. This has priority. As soon as the Aquila is ready, we will stop fighting and enter the ship. Alright?"

They nodded again and after a silent signal, they split up. Four of them, led by Kanen'tó:kon, sneaked to the other side of the pier and hid in the shadows of the warehouse. The remaining men stayed with Ratonhnhaké:ton and then they waited.

The Aquila's deck had already come to life and it seemed like the crew had also assigned someone to keep watch, too. Every time the danger of getting caught was low, you could see figures running over the deck. Orders were shouted as quiet as possible and canons were pushed into position. The sails got prepared, too but as soon as a patrol came nearer, the Aquila became silent again. Everything went well and Ratonhnhaké:ton already dared to hope for a successful escape, when a muffled rumble and a scream echoed through the night. On board, a clumsy rebel hadn't been careful with the handover of one of the heavy canon-balls and had dropped it on his own foot. The whole world seemed to stop and get silent. As if it held its breath, as the patrol stopped and turned to the ship, which seemed to be entirely empty. Tensely Ratonhnhaké:ton leaned against the weathered wall of the warehouse and watched the soldiers, whose voices were clearly audible from his position. Then their marching steps as they approached the Aquila. Ratonhnhaké:ton looked at Kanen'tó:kon and despite the darkness, he was sure that their eyes met. Behind him, the other men whispered to each other to stay ready. They all knew what was going to happen. The heavy boots of the soldiers hit the pier and the clattering of their weapons alone made Ratonhnhaké:ton pull out his tomahawk and hunting knife. They waited. The soldier had to make one more step. Two. Three. Four.

Raising his tomahawk, Ratonhnhaké:ton stormed out of the shadows and saw Kanen'tó:kon and the others doing the same. The surprised shouts of the soldiers were quickly replaced by pained cries and the death rattle of a man, as Ratonhnhaké:ton thrust his tomahawk straight against his throat and almost beheaded him. The attack had cost the lives of three soldiers, but two rebels had fallen victim to the bluecoats' defence. But the remaining bluecoats had no chance anyway and were soon lying dead next to their comrades. But new opponents followed. The patrol on the other dock had noticed the short turmoil and called more soldiers for help. Clearly in majority, they stormed the pier. The Aquila's deck was already descending into chaos. Now it wasn't only about preparing the ship without getting noticed. Now it had to be prepared before one of the frigates could fire its canons at the Aquila. Right now, Ratonhnhaké:ton wasted no thought on it. He was only concentrated on fighting the bluecoats who were mercilessly driving their remaining five opponents back. Another rebel, with his belly sliced open, was lying in his own blood and was a hindrance for Ratonhnhaké:ton as his killer attacked him with the bayonet of his musket. He had to jump over the dead body and block the blade with his tomahawk. As soon as Ratonhnhaké:ton had firm ground beneath his feet again, he attacked the soldier with several short but strong strikes until he couldn't block them anymore. His blood ran over Ratonhnhaké:ton's hand when he suffered the same fate as the young man the Mohawk had killed just moments ago. With a cry of anger, one of his comrades attacked Ratonhnhaké:ton, who could hardly duck under the bayonet before it could bore into his side. Blocking the next attack with his tomahawk, he kicked the bluecoat who stumbled backwards and fell and he instantly kneeled over him to put his life to an end.

 _»Ratonhnhaké:ton!«_

He just pulled the knife out of the man's chest when he heard this call behind him. Ratonhnhaké:ton whirled around and saw Kanen'tókon, fighting against a bluecoat. His friend's head nodded down the pier and Ratonhnhaké:ton saw another bluecoat, running down the landing stage. Obviously with a destination.

 _The signal,_ Ratonhnhaké:ton thought and he ran. He pushed a fighting soldier aside with his shoulder without turning his eyes away from the runaway. He headed for the building Kanen'tó:kon had noticed before. Ratonhnhaké:ton quickened his pace, wanted to stop the soldier by all means, but before he reached the building, the bluecoat disappeared inside and Ratonhnhaké:ton heard the noise of a heavy lock as he stopped in front of the gate. He swore quietly, took a few steps back and looked up the building. The fire bowl, where the signal was supposed to be ignited in, was about six metres above him. Climbing up would be easy, but it would take time and Ratonhnhaké:ton had no time. His gaze roamed over the building, searching for another entrance and stopped at a rope winch which was normally used to lift goods through a second gate. Some heavy boxes were still hanging from the rope, far above under the roof ridge. Ratonhnhaké:ton hoped that this was his way onto the roof. He pushed the tomahawk back into his belt and turned his eyes to the rope, tightening his grip on his hunting knife. Despite his hurry, he needed to concentrate. If this went wrong, he would end up with broken bones at best. He inhaled deeply, took a few steps back and finally ran towards the rope. While running, he grabbed it with his right hand and cut it. Instantly the crates rushed downwards and their weight tore Ratonhnhaké:ton up. His flight was only a matter of seconds as he already let go and landed on the edge of the roof. The impact made him stumble forward but he could just prevent himself from falling. A loud bang cut through the air as the crates hit the ground and shattered. Ratonhnhaké:ton's heart rushed in his chest when he returned to the edge and looked down. The rope he had just held in his hands, looked like a snake between the wreckage. If he had been only a few seconds too slow, he would be lying there now, too. Likewise lifeless. But now he was standing on the roof, only a few feet away from the small tower and the fire bowl.

Approaching it, Ratonhnhaké:ton stuck the knife between his teeth and started climbing. His feet and hands found hardly enough grip on the splintering wood and these splinters bored painfully into his fingernails. But still he only concentrated on getting to the top of the tower and the fire bowl. His hands felt for every narrow gap in the wood to give him the grip he needed to let his feet follow this path. He was only a few metres away from his destination, as he heard a trap door hitting the ground above his head. Then heavy steps and the sound of liquid being filled into a vessel. The soldier wanted to ignite the signal. Ratonhnhaké:ton climbed faster until his hands finally grabbed the edge of the balustrade that was framing the top of the tower. But he didn't stay unnoticed. His hands had hardly appeared on the edge when he heard the soldier swearing and his head appeared above him.

"Big mistake, savage", the man growled and struck for Ratonhnhaké:ton's left hand with a dagger. He could pull it back just in time. The metal got stuck in the wood of the balustrade, which made the man swear and gave Ratonhnhaké:ton the chance to grab the dagger himself. He thrust it upwards and felt the blade brushing bone as it bore into the soldier's shoulder. He screamed and stumbled backwards, grabbing the knife with one hand. Before he could pull it out and attack, Ratonhnhaké:ton pulled himself up, swung his legs over the balustrade and finally stood in front of the bluecoat, whose gaze flitted nervously back and forth between the Mohawk and the fire bowl. It seemed like he wasn't sure if he should fight, or light the signal first. He chose the middle way.

With a hasty jump to the side, he grabbed the bucket of oil he had used before to fill the fire bowl with the fuel. With a twisted kind of battle-cry, he poured it towards Ratonhnhaké:ton and hit his arm as he escaped to the side. The soldier wanted to use this distraction and stormed at the Mohawk, only to notice that he had just set a trap for himself. He slipped on the oil, stumbled and fell against Ratonhnhaké:ton who only caught him to tear his knife out of the man's shoulder and to thrust his forehead forward. The bluecoat screamed in pain again and pressed his hands against his nose. Blood ran through his fingers and now blinded, he stumbled backwards, slipped again and fell against the balustrade. In the desperate try to cling to something, he flailed his arms and Ratonhnhaké:ton's eyes widened as the man came dangerously close to the burning torch that was waiting to ignite the signal. He leaped forward, trying to grab the soldier by the collar and hold him, but it was too late. Another, deafening scream escaped the bluecoat's mouth when the torch fell to the ground and enflamed his oil-soaked coat in the process. The oil on the ground caught fire, too and it quickly spread in the wooden construction of the tower. Ratonhnhaké:ton backed away from the flames until his back hit the balustrade. His eyes moved to the soldier who fell to his knees, screaming in agony, a living torch himself. The scent of burning flesh rose into his nose and he felt his heartbeat rushing in his chest. Fire has always been the one element he feared the most since he had seen his mother dying in the flames of their burning village. But he couldn't let the fear control him. He forced his stiffened muscles to move and saved himself with a jump over the balustrade before the flames could reach him and ignite his oil-drenched clothes as well. The impact on the roof caused a searing pain in his limbs and Ratonhnhaké:ton rose stumbling, before looking up. The whole tower was in flames and it was only a matter of time until it would collapse and set the rest of the building on fire. The creaking of the wood was audible over the roaring flames, like the call of his name, sounding from the pier. Kanen'tó:kon was standing there and pointed at the Aquila. They had pulled the plank in and had set sail and Ratonhnhaké:ton could see the men who had fought on the pier with them and were now climbing the ship to get on board. They had fought the bluecoats back but more were coming. He wasted no time. Quickly Ratonhnhaké:ton ran to the edge of the roof, climbed down a bit before dropping himself and running to the Aquila, which was slowly departing from the pier.

Ratonhnhaké:ton was only a few metres away from the edge of the long landing stage when he heard a thunder in the distance. Then the cracking of heavy metal hitting wood and the cries of several men. Franklin had said the truth. One of the frigates had opened fire and its shots didn't only hit the Aquila. Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't realize what happened when he heard a loud, hissing sound and then a deafening bang. The ground shook beneath his feet and he tore his arms in front of his face to protect it from wooden splinters and stumbled backwards. One of the heavy canon-balls had tore a big hole into the pier in front of him.

 _»Are you alright?«,_ he heard Kanen'tó:kon calling from the other side of the pier and he nodded before taking a run-up and jumping over the hole. The thunder of canons sounded again but this time it was the Aquila firing. She had only set half sail but was still departing quickly.

 _»We need to hurry«,_ Ratonhnhaké:ton told his friend. The Aquila had to set full sail soon to escape from the destructive firepower of the opposing frigate. Kanen'tó:kon nodded and stormed towards the edge of the pier. Ratonhnhaké:ton would have followed him, if an uncertain impulse hadn't made him turn around again. At first he looked at the bluecoats who were coming from the other end of the pier but then he noticed a small, white object on the other side of the hole. Ratonhnhaké:ton's heartbeat quickened when his hand slid into the pouch on his belt, where he had kept his mother's necklace beside his ammunition and his fingers ran through a tear in the leather. Whenever it had happened, Ratonhnhaké:ton hadn't noticed that he had lost several bullets by now. And his mother's necklace which was now lying on the pier. He knew that he could waste no time but he couldn't leave it behind either. It was the only thing he had left of his mother and so he didn't think twice. Instead of following Kanen'tó:kon and leaving the pier, Ratonhnhaké:ton turned on his heel, jumped over the hole again and hasted to the necklace. Still running, he bent down, grabbed it and closed his fingers tightly around it as he whirled around again. He heard the soldiers stop behind him. Orders were shouted, muskets prepared. But in the same moment, when the soldiers fired, their target had jumped over the edge of the pier and dived into the icy water. Ratonhnhaké:ton swam to the Aquila where marksmen were shooting at the bluecoats at the harbour and covered the two Mohawk as they finally climbed the ship and heaved themselves on board. The Aquila shook every time her canons were fired. She had already been hit but was still intact so that they could set full sail and head towards the open sea. Into safety.

For now. 


	72. Chapter 72

_OMG, this update took so long. I am sorry, but there was so much going on recently that I didn't feel like translating at all. I am a dog-mum again, by the way. But yeah...I will try to work a bit faster, but I can't promise anything._

 ** _HonestTrickster:_** _Thank you for your reviews. Evan Rachel Woods doesn't look like **I** am picturing Lillian at all, but that's the good thing about storys and why I don't use to give exact but only basic discriptions of my characters: Everyone can use their own fantasy and imagine the looks of each of them. :)_

* * *

 **Swimming hell**

 _Lillian_

"Jesus, Lillian. Sit down, you're driving me crazy with your running."

I stopped abruptly, only a few centimetres away from the opposite wall, took a deep breath, turned on my heel and back to Ezra and Logan, who sat on the ground, their backs comfortably leaned against the wall. The latter had spoken to me and looked at me with a mixture of amusement and worry. Ezra's face was once more hidden under his hood but I was sure that he also kept an eye on me. I sighed quietly and dug my fingers into the sleeves of my folded arms.

"Sorry", I murmured and my eyes roamed aimlessly through the storage room we were currently in. Strictly speaking, it was the upper gun deck which was also the storage and crew quarters. Canons on both sides, narrow passage behind them on each side and stacked barrels and crates occupied the remaining space in the middle. A strict order which was only interrupted by the hammocks which were rolled up and hanging on the whole deck. Some of them directly over the canons, others in the narrow gap between stacked freight and even more in the remaining space. In the middle of it all were stairs leading down to the lower gun deck and up to the main deck. The latter was hidden behind a closed hatch and I looked at it longingly. I didn't know how much time had passed since we had come down these stairs and had retreated into this back corner of the Aquila. Especially for my safety, that was what Faulkner had emphasized.

Faulkner...how happy I had been to see him. When he had sneaked through the harbour I hadn't noticed immediately that we had been approaching the Aquila. So Faulkner's presence had surprised me and I was sure he thought I was mentally ill because I had simply stared at him as if he was some kind of miracle. He didn't know me in this reality after all and this realization had made me feel homesick again. But still I was glad that he was here. With him and the Aquila, our escape could only be successful. At least I tried to tell me this while being down here with my "protectors" and waiting for something to happen. Especially for Ratonhnhaké:ton and Kanen'tó:kon to return. It drove me more than nervous to be entirely unaware of the happenings around me. I could never get used to it and honestly, I didn't want to anyway.

Another sigh escaped my lips and I was tempted to suppress my nervousness with running up and down again, like I had done over the last couple of minutes. But I stopped myself from doing so and sat on a barrel instead.

"How...is your shoulder?", I asked Logan, hoping that a conversation would bring me my desired distraction.

"Reasonably fine. Hurts quite a bit but I'll be fine." Logan grinned and nodded at his bag beside him. "I still have a bottle of water in there. If you want..."

I shook my head. Right now I could take nothing in, even if it was a little bit of water. "But thank you."

And with that, we became silent and I tried to occupy my mind somehow. With counting the wood-planks for example, which were panelling the inside of the ship. But when my gaze slipped for the fourth time and I lost count, I gave up with a frustrated huff and gained at least one confused and questioning look. Probably I was on the best way to reveal myself as mentally damaged to two more people. But you could only lose your mind with all this waiting. What the hell were they doing out there? As much as I tried, I couldn't hear a sound from the main deck, except of eventual steps when probably another group of rebels entered the ship. Every time, my gaze flitted back to the hatch, hoping that Ratonhnhaké:ton and Kanen'tó:kon were finally on board, too. But the hatch stayed closed the whole time.

Eventually I was certain that I lost my mind or was at least kicking a hole into my seat because I was treating it with so much force of my heels. In this case, I would have at least learned what was inside the barrel and it would have distracted me for a few seconds. I sighed inwardly. Right now, everything that could distract me would excite and occupy me. Like a child that even enjoyed regarding a grass stalk for a long time, but fate finally meant well for my restless soul. Or for the poor barrel. An hour or so had passed since we had come down here as the hatch finally opened. I was on my feet in an instant and took some hopeful steps to the steps and the four men who climbed them down. None of them was a Mohawk and the fact that Faulkner was among them couldn't comfort me. But still I tried to hide my disappointment and the resulting concern as I looked the man over who had come down between Faulkner and the other men. He was an elder man with sparse, brown hair, a pair of glasses on his nose and clothes that showed me that he came from a wealthy background. This alone made him stick out from the other persons present. I just wanted to ask politely who this gentleman was, as Logan gave me the answer. At least a part of it.

"What is this skunk doing here?", he asked furiously, leaping up to his feet and crossing the distance to the "skunk" with a few, wide steps. "I thought the boys wanted to kill him." His eyes blazed in anger and when I looked into the faces of the other rebels, I could read a similar refusal in them. That was when I slowly realized who was standing in front of me and looked as if he had stepped into fresh horse dung.

"I beg your pardon, Sir. Whatever you think about me, we should keep up a certain amount of politeness. Especially when a lady is around." And with that, the gaze of his watery blue eyes behind the glasses slid to me. It seemed like he wanted to indulge in this politeness with bowing his head and the attempt to keep talking, probably to introduce himself, but he couldn't. Logan had taken a last big step towards him and grabbed him by his collar whereupon the other man's eyes widened in fear.

"Better shut the fuck up before I plug it, Franklin. You don't deserve politeness but a blade right into your heart and if nobody gave it to you until now, I will gladly make good for it."

"I would wait with it, if I were you." Faulkner intervened and freed Franklin from his very unfortunate situation with making Logan let go of the old man and taking a step back. "Our two Native friends think that he could be a help for us. Maybe we should wait for them before passing a judgement on anyone."

"So they are fine?", I asked and didn't care what happened to Franklin for now. I was relieved when Franklin nodded. "They are on the pier and make sure it's safe for us to set sail. Franklin told them about frigates anchoring in front of the harbour, ordered to shoot at every ship that leaves without permission. When they detect us on shore, they will light a signal."

The reaction on this news was a dumbfounded silence. No one had expected that it would be easy to escape and since everything had been too easy until now, this turn was bitter irony. Why should anything be easy? But no one had expected that the danger was coming from sea. At least not now and the imagination of big ships, ready for combat, which could easily bring the Aquila down...

"Do we have a chance to escape unnoticed at all?", I asked hesitantly and was annoyed by the fearful tremble in my voice which made Faulkner give me a reassuring smile.

"I'm sure of it and even if we they see us, the Aquila is far stronger in battle than you give her credit for." He stretched proudly and made me smile inwardly. This was the Faulkner I knew. "You don't need to worry, lass. But you should stay here. Like you two." His gaze brushed Logan and Ezra. "To keep an eye on him." And with that, he meant Franklin who had adjusted his collar by now and mumbled something like. "As if I was a simple prisoner."

But I guessed this was exactly what he was and it seemed like he began to realize as one of the rebels behind him gave him a push between his shoulder blades and told him to keep going. To where Logan, Ezra and I had spent our whole time on board. Franklin obeyed with quiet grumbling and made a detour to avoid Logan who was still staring at him as if he wanted to go for his throat. Ezra, who had just risen from the ground in the meantime, received a sceptical look before Franklin sank onto the barrel which had just served as my seat.

"Good", Franklin mumbled, never turning his eyes away from the old man and looking at everyone else now. "You stay here until we can tell you something else."

We nodded and Faulkner turned away and returned to the deck with the other rebels. As they closed the hatch, I felt like they had taken my freedom. I just hoped that the hatch wasn't the literal lid of my coffin if the Aquila got under attack.

 _And after this thought, being down here feels a lot better._ I inwardly rolled my eyes. Probably there was no person who was better in making my fears become worse than me.

I forced my eyes away from the hatch and returned to the back of the deck. Ezra had sunk back to the ground, Benjamin Franklin sat on the barrel and Logan leaned against the wall in front of him, never turning his eyes away. I for my part took a seat next to Ezra, leaned my head against the wall and tried to resist the urge to scrutinize Benjamin Franklin curiously. I didn't know anything about him except that Washington had chosen him to watch over Boston and in this position, he had been as reckless as Benedict Arnold or the self-selected king himself. What kind of man was he that he had thrown every sense of moral over board but was now helping his enemies? Was this sense of moral a double standard in the end? Did his loyalties change as often as he adjusted his glasses? All the time? Maybe Logan should have punched his nose. Probably his glasses would stay in place with an additional bump.

Another opening of the hatch tore me out of my thoughts but unlike the last time, I kept sitting and watched with wide eyes how a whole group of men, rebels and crew members, came down the stairs and started working on the canons. Powder barrels and crates with heavy canon-balls were brought in and they only whispered to each other while taking care of the canons in groups of three. They always needed two men to pull one canon into its final position so that the third man could load it. Everything happened in a calm precision as I noticed with fascination. I knew from Ratonhnhaké:ton and Faulkner that the Aquila had a considerable amount of canons for a brig. Fourteen on the upper deck and a number of canons on each of the lower decks. All these canons were already impressive when unused but I had never seen them being prepared and used and I slowly realized that this was the case now. The sound of heavy canon balls being pushed into the barrels gave me the shivers and I didn't dare to imagine how it was going to sound when they were fired. Probably I should feel safe with the thought that the Aquila could defend herself and had already done it in the past, but right now my fear and the wish to leave the ship were much stronger. Only shortly afterwards I learned that it was already too late for that.

Until this point, the preparation of the Aquila had been totally silent and you couldn't hear anything else but quiet, hectic steps on all three decks and the loading of the canons. On the side of the harbour, everything seemed quiet, as if we could actually set off without getting caught. But then the silence was interrupted by a loud bang on the upper deck and it made everyone wince. Then it was silent again. Deathly silent, until suddenly a sailor came down from the upper deck and shouted: "Hurry! We're busted! They try to stop the soldiers from lighting the signal but we need to set sail."

And then it appeared like I was watching an anthill. In a hurry, the last preparations were done, crates of ammunition and powder barrels provided and I heard the hurried steps of the men on the upper deck and Faulkner's barked orders. After fear had only been an uneasy feeling in my stomach, it was now spreading in my body, ice cold and paralyzing. We were close to getting attacked? I sat there like frozen and watched the chaos around me while I saw the Aquila sink in front my inner eye. I felt helpless, surrendered and I found no comfort and safety in looking at Ezra, Logan and even Benjamin Franklin. All of them were tensed, the latter obviously more afraid than me. And then my fears threatened to become true.

At first it was only a distant thunder. Like a thunderstorm coming from the sea but it was too polyphonic and irregular. I wasn't able to ask myself where it came from since a deafening and polyphonic bang sounded. Wood splintered, men screamed and the Aquila shook.

"Return fire!", Faulkner shouted on the upper deck and shortly afterwards, the Aquila shook again and the thunder I had heard in the distance before, sounded from the ship itself when every canon that was ready was fired. It was so loud that I couldn't even protect my ears with pressing my hands on them. It felt like a nightmare. As if hell itself had opened its gate. My heart raced, I trembled and felt cold sweat forming on my forehead as I huddled up, clenching my teeth and pressing my head against my knees. But even with my eyes closed and my ears kept shut, I couldn't escape from what was happening. Still I heard the opposing canons' fire, the splintering of wood and splashing of water when the canon-balls hit or missed, before the Aquila returned the fire. I felt every jolt, every quake running through the ship and making me fear that we were sinking. I didn't care when Ezra kneeled down next to me and tried to comfort me. I hardly heard it through the noises and as caring as Logan probably meant it, I didn't help me when he eventually put his coat over my shoulders. Its warmth couldn't stop the shiver that had seized my body, just like this panic fear. Right from the start, I hadn't felt safe here and it certainly wasn't the first time I feared for my life. But apart from the fact that I couldn't get used to it, this time was entirely different. I couldn't do anything to fight my fear. I couldn't flee, hide or even defend myself. I was stuck in here and my life depended on the Aquila's ability to escape the other ship or harm it before it destroyed her and killed us all. It made me helpless and hit me unexpected because it seemed like everything was happening at once and I couldn't do anything else but to huddle up and hope that everything was over soon and we were going to survive.

I tried to cling to this hope and to think of nothing else but I couldn't until a pair of cold and wet hands wrapped around mine which I had still pressed against my ears. I slowly raised my head and looked into familiar brown eyes. My fear was lessened in an instant and a sound of relief escaped my lips as I pulled away from my cowering position and wrapped my arms around Ratonhnhaké:ton's neck. I didn't care that he really was soaked through and ice cold and that some water-drops ran into my collar as he put a hand on the back of my head and caressed my hair through the bonnet I was still wearing and which didn't stay dry either. I was so happy to see him. To see that he was alive and hadn't been harmed in this nightmare. That he returned some kind of safety to me which I couldn't have found in this situation.

"Do not be afraid", Ratonhnhaké:ton murmured into my ear after pulling me close to his chest. "We set sail and will be out of their radius soon. It is almost over and nothing can happen anymore."

"I just didn't expect them to fire", I whispered and clung to him as the Aquila's canons fired again and this time I couldn't protect my ears from the noise. "I never experienced that canons are fired in warlike intention. It's scary to make your life depend on accuracy in firing."

"I know. But trust me, everything is fine. The worst is over."

Although I could still hear the fire of the other ship, I believed him. It was distant and instead of the splintering when the canon-balls hit the Aquila, I could only hear the splashing of water. Had we really escaped them? Shaking I heard the Aquila firing again but then it stayed silent. Entirely silent. Even when everyone was hit by the realization that we had actually escaped from Boston, no one uttered a sound of joy. As I peeked over Ratonhnhaké:ton's shoulder, I only saw some men patting each other's backs. A hesitant compliment on a victory that actually was none.

Slowly I loosened my clinging grip around Ratonhnhaké:ton's neck and pulled away from him to look him over. His black hair stuck to his face like his clothes to his body. He felt cold and I clearly saw him trying to suppress the shaking that still seized his body. Kanen'tó:kon was standing behind him in a similar condition but he had taken a blanket from somewhere and had wrapped it around his shoulders. As well as the other men who had come down onto this deck and had obviously come on board the same way the two of them had.

"You had to hurry to get your passage, didn't you?", I asked with a faint smile and a shaking voice. I took Logan's coat off my shoulders and wrapped it around Ratonhnhaké:ton instead, who mumbled his thanks and lightly smirked about my words.

"It was close, yes." His gaze slid over the others and stopped upon Franklin when he asked no one in particular: "Was everything fine so far?"

It was Ezra who nodded and Ratonhnhaké:ton frowned as he looked around the deck. "Where are Adams, Corrine and Oliver? Were they not supposed to come with you?"

"Corrine and Olli wanted to go to Concord", I explained to him. "Adams wanted to accompany and support them. They took a few men as escort."

"Sam is confident that we are enough support for our men in New York", Logan added and pointed at Franklin, not hiding his disapproval for him. "But I would like to know why you let him live. The information about the frigates was nice but we can hardly trust him."

Ratonhnhaké:ton looked at him and carefully pulled away from me to stand up and go to Benjamin Franklin, who was still sitting on the barrel and straightened his back. In his eyes lay an expression of pretended arrogance, combined with the fear he must feel because of all the men around him who wanted to see him dead.

"Tell us what Washington did to you. Why you did follow his orders and why you want to help us now." Ratonhnhaké:ton's voice was calm but everyone could hear the consistency behind his words. Franklin had no other choice but to do as he was told and it seemed like he knew it, too. He had stood up from the barrel by now and the eyes behind the glasses flitted nervously around. Some of the men, who had been on this deck the whole time, had stepped to us and so he was surrounded by people who expected answers and certainly wouldn't accept any kind of resistance. Franklin's Adam's apple bobbed as he gulped and when he opened his mouth, no word left his lips at first until he cleared his throat and squared his shoulders, as if he had suddenly found the rest of his courage.

"Washington clouded my mind", he started and this sentence alone brought him a bunch of derogatory reactions he didn't care about. "It may be hard to believe and to understand, but I am not his first victim. I don't know how and why but he has a power that makes it possible for him to invade another person's mind. It feels like he's settling in, controls every thought and uses it for his purposes. I didn't know what I was doing or thinking. I couldn't control myself. But now I came to my senses and I want to help you to overthrow Washington. He is dangerous, no one knows it better than I."

"Except of those who died by his order."

Agreement from several voices when Logan uttered this cold remark. I silently agreed, too. Neither I could believe Franklin's words, nor his allegedly chastened soul. Although something about his claim that Washington had controlled him was not so odd since I knew about the power of the Pieces of Eden. If what he said was true, Washington was far more dangerous than we thought. Who knew what else he could do with the Apple?

"How do you want to help us?"

My attention switched back to Ratonhnhaké:ton, who had shown no reaction to Franklin's words or the interruptions of the men. He had crossed his arms in front of chest, his head tilted to the side while his eyes didn't turn away from Franklin who seemed to become more and more nervous under this gaze.

"Well, I...", he started stammering and readjusted his glasses with shaking hands although it had sat on his nose as straight as ever and was now getting crooked. "I can't tell yet. But I am sure I can give you important information when you need it. I already did, didn't I?"His arms gestured vaguely towards our surroundings and were probably supposed to include the ship which had actually been saved by his information. But if he hoped to receive gratitude, he wasn't doing a favour to himself. None of the men present reacted on his gaze, as if he was looking for applause. As a former ally of Washington, this had been the least thing he could have done to stay alive. No one here owed him anything and this was what the cold and hateful gazes on him were saying. I was sure that it was basically Ratonhnhaké:ton's credit that they hadn't killed Franklin already.

The Mohawk had turned away from him and looked around the crowd that had gathered around us. Faulkner and some members of his crew had come down, too to see what was becoming of Franklin.

"Whatever you want to do to him, I will not stop you if it is really what you all want. But please consider that Franklin could be a better help than anyone else and we should wait and see what happens. There is nothing he could do now to harm us and if he should turn against us, we can still kill him. Maybe we should wait until tomorrow before we come to a final decision. I think we all need some rest for now."

His short speech had been calm but determined, like he always was. I didn't need to ask him if he believed Franklin's story about his corrupted mind. Otherwise he would have been more sceptical or had already killed Franklin instead of bringing him here. I for my part wasn't sure yet. But I trusted Ratonhnhaké:ton and as I looked into the other men's faces, they seemed to be sceptical but didn't contradict. For a while, no one said a word until Logan stepped to Ratonhnhaké:ton and looked around the men. "If we are going to wait with our decision, I suggest to lock him up somewhere. Just to make sure that he doesn't do anything stupid."

This suggestion was accepted by several approving voices and Ratonhnhaké:ton nodded, too. Benjamin Franklin, for the other part, seemed to be appalled. Understandably.

"Lock me up? Me? I am not your prisoner!"

"But you aren't our friend either." Logan looked at Faulkner. "Where can we lock him up?"

"Nowhere, but we can find a quiet corner where we can tie him up and where we can have an eye on him."

Logan nodded with satisfaction and before Franklin could defend himself, he was grabbed by one of the sailors and lead towards the other end of the canon-deck, Faulkner accompanying them. This gathering was ended and dissolved. Ratonhnhaké:ton, Ezra, Kanen'tó:kon, Logan and I remained. The sturdy medical man had followed Franklin with his grim gaze and now turned his attention back to the two Mohawk. He didn't look pleased at all.

"Do you really want to tell me that you're believing in his fairytales? Mind control! Nonsense. He's just searching for excuses so that doesn't end under the sea." He huffed scornfully but didn't bother Ratonhnhaké:ton at all. He just frowned and folded his hands instead of completely shutting up towards the other man's displeasure.

"I believe him, yes", he simply said. "For ages, our people know about powers beyond the human imagination. I am sure that Washington got into possession of such a power."

"So you believe in the fairytales about his sceptre? That he can kill and do who knows what with it?"

"They are no fairytales. At least not all of them." I rose from my seat on the ground and gave Logan a serious look which he returned with scepticism. "I also know that such power exists. I saw it. Maybe Franklin's lying but it's also possible that he doesn't."

The longer I thought about it, the more sure I was. But I couldn't tell him what I had seen and experienced if I didn't want to make Ratonhnhaké:ton's and my story, about how we had got to know each other in this reality, sound less believable. Logan looked me over and also Ezra had turned his head to me, even though I couldn't see his eyes. Unlike Logan, he hadn't said anything and somehow I didn't believe that he would. Logan turned his eyes to Kanen'tó:kon.

"You believe it, too?"

He hesitated for a moment, glancing at Ratonhnhaké:ton but then Kanen'tó:kon nodded. "I have not witnessed such power yet, but Ratonhnhaké:ton is right. There are many legends that do not say that it is not possible. It would answer a lot of questions about Washington's reign."

Now Logan's gaze wandered to Logan. "And you?"

Ezra shrugged his shoulders. "I wouldn't say that something like it isn't possible. We should wait and see what happens tomorrow."

And at this point, Logan seemed have the same opinion, although his scepticism never leaved his face after this conversation was ended.


End file.
